00:08yeah i guess i kind of can see a skull there in the moon still kind of a stretch meanwhile
00:13under the moon movie shows you the movie's title twice in the first two minutes man whatever
00:18somali pirate is shooting this video really never learned the rule of thirds one exact
00:23well it looks like i have a drago finally broke somebody wait a minute didn't the
00:29expendables just shoot out all the lights it shouldn't even matter that the pirates flick
00:32the breaker there aren't any lights left to turn on i'll take the flog i left why does lee volunteer
00:37to kill four guys aren't there five trained killers on the team and only like six more somali pirates
00:42left okay in a text lee's text notification is louder than most things the other expendables do
00:51nothing during this scene but barney and lee are gonna kill everybody why do they even need these
00:54other guys are you guys too they didn't even need gunner this guy's so expendable he has time to
00:59think about hanging dead pirates for no reason it's good dang pirates this is an even lamer excuse
01:05to have two of your big action stars on the good guy team fight each other than the avengers
01:08why is he fake car steering this plane by making deliberate back and forth movements
01:12i mean is that how you actually fly a plane the plane itself seems to be staying pretty level while
01:17he does it movie promotes drinking and flying would you stop showing us the title already
01:22the movie's only been on 10 minutes how does the garage door know to open when the motorcycle arrives
01:26is this grand theft auto stallone didn't open the door and i don't see a damn garage door opener
01:31anywhere does this seem like the kind of guy who rigs up a motion sensor garage door opener that not
01:36only senses when he's approaching but can also differentiate between him and any other motions
01:40that might be outside the door my people are having a problem with this fanatic garza so you want
01:44garza gone i want a day i thought that was what barney meant by gone but i guess that wasn't
01:48dramatic
01:48enough i'm busy anyway so give this job why the did you even come to the meeting if you're busy
01:53it was to be president the long-awaited gathering of stallone willis and schwarzenegger in the same
01:57scene lasts a total of one minute 52 seconds and contains way more inside jokes than fighting or
02:02killing also the movie basically pauses one more time for the schwarzenegger cameo so that we can
02:06see the exciting conclusion of his exit from the building wow nice effects i can totally forget
02:11they're actually in a studio right now due to the incredible realism of the airbrushed blurry scenery
02:15christmas as he's recording but the display doesn't show any red light or timer indicating that he
02:19actually is recording pineapple lapel patches these soldiers in the background are doing nothing
02:24while barney shoots up the whole place and why does this asshole have no gun whatsoever
02:30what could this shooting this camera now do
02:34uh no stallone doesn't shut the door to the plane after climbing aboard but then it's closed in all
02:38subsequent shots why the would you go back just to do this there's no guarantee all the army guys
02:43will still be standing here like dumb asses on the dock and they don't know that monroe is standing
02:46here with them i guess you could say they just want to kill more guys reduce their numbers for
02:50the next time but they're untrained soldiers who can't shoot a gun when their life depends on it
02:54the risk is unnecessary and stupid but i guess as long as we see faceless guys getting blown away
02:58who really cares why doesn't the mist of the gasoline trailing behind the plane also ignite during the
03:04explosion also the boat next to the dock is apparently fireproof eric roberts and stone cold steve austin
03:09survived the impossible to survive attack because they are eric roberts and stone cold steve austin
03:13bro to bro fist pumps loopy shows evidence of how fruitless it was for party to shoot the camera
03:17in the scene where gunner tries to get his job back all he sees is a map of elena and
03:21with that
03:22information he somehow finds the main bad guy's lair this guy is some kind of super sleuth and i guess
03:27everyone at the mansion decided he was trustworthy and just let him in first of all i don't feel
03:30comfortable talking business with a giant carrying a shotgun pretty boy wouldn't give it up so i guess
03:36you guys are loose with the rules about strangers carrying guns into the main office oh of course her new
03:40boyfriend is abusive i mean there's got to be a reason to beat some more ass in this movie right
03:44why not against a whole bunch of chumps who think they're badasses in the next scene i'm sure statham
03:49will find a good reason to beat up a girl scout troop now you know what i do for a
03:52living
03:54i'm not perfect you should have waited yeah if she only knew that you killed people for a living
03:59she'll just stayed with you i think that's the first question they ask on the e-harmony website because
04:03women rate those kind of guys highly pull the necklace off without using the clasp to indicate
04:07disgust cliche i'm sorry i'm definitely rooting for the heroes here but they should be dead
04:11that's just too many damn bullets these bullets would definitely hit the roof of the truck he's
04:16riding in and not the car in front of that what do you wear size three bring it happy feet
04:21man even elijah wood's feelings are hurt by that insult also why did they give so many lines
04:25dialogue to the weakest english speakers in the cast who sent you is the girl still alive
04:32cop closer why in a room with no one else in it does he need to whisper the name of
04:36who sent him
04:37and for that matter why does stallone need to consult anyone about who sent the hitman
04:41is it not obvious it's the guy from the island where you blew up the whole dock for no good
04:45reason
04:45so let me get this line gunner tries to kill you you shoot him and a death story gives you
04:50the whole
04:50lamp gunner was working with the bad guys for like a day and yet he was able to give a
04:55detailed
04:55description of the entire mansion to barney as if blueprints were in his head render under caesar
04:59the misspelled pocket knife that is caesar's in case being kidnapped held prisoner and waterboard
05:04wasn't enough the filmmakers decide to add sexual assault to the list of things this poor woman is
05:09sad to endure before being rescued by the americans the general's basement appears to be stored for
05:13only cocaine and excess bricks the spectra building's rigged honey way out it's rigged what do you mean
05:19rigged rigged with the explosives that you yourselves control or is the mansion rigged to have only one
05:24exit in the entire building they're going on there while selling on we will kill this america after
05:31speaking spanish during the entire speech garza switches to english for no damn reason how convenient
05:36that the entire rest of the building collapses before the part the expendables were standing in
05:45i'm out what you mean just now i know this movie had a screenwriter because the imdb tells me so
05:51but
05:51did the last 30 pages of the script just say series of unrelated explosions punches and gunshots
05:57wouldn't the burning river of fire engulf this plank of wood pretty quickly after it was placed here
06:01why didn't the bad guys use this bazooka before stone cold gets burned alive i see what you did there
06:07stallone and i'm ashamed for you you know what a guy on fire needs a good punch in the face
06:11that will
06:12definitely kill him wouldn't it have been better to just push back the release of the film and go
06:16ahead and finish the fire effects why you already have thrown as much as you can hey look i know
06:23terry
06:23cruz has muscles on his muscles and those muscles have muscles but throwing a heavy ass bomb at this
06:28distance with absolute precision towards a helicopter full of the job yeah really is there still something you
06:34can blow up at this point and what does he blow up that's not really anything important they just
06:38blew up the mansion full of coke in the helicopter so this is just showing off at this point i
06:42created
06:43this i made it all happen and then they want him on i mean i forgot who gives a shot
06:48but why the
06:49hair did you come after me i didn't come up you give i came for her yeah this is something
06:54monroe should
06:55have totally figured out on his own it was so obvious that a team of mercenaries came here to get
06:59the
06:59girl and not the rogue cia drug dealer what dumbass wait a minute isn't this the same exact doc they
07:05blew up for no reason earlier in the movie also why would they be able to land here with the
07:09bad
07:09guys getting no warring at all it's actually pretty amazing that lee can't hit the exact bullseye every
07:13time considering how many times we've seen him throw knives into people's necks and hearts the entire
07:17movie and in case you forgot which movie you just watched
07:24Brian died Brian died let's do it
07:39sometimes kings are just not worth your money sure they are
08:03oh what's the feel about that though i guess i didn't like too much money there in this fight
08:13i see a lot of changing the way you's felt about me and the way i felt
08:20about you but if i can change and you do change everybody do change
08:26crap please i always knew you was true i want to kiss you you want to kiss me back if
08:32you know what
08:33no i kiss you just to meet you i'm handsome wrong and you are oh my name is becky but
08:40it's written on my
08:41shirt listen no one needs your shirt do you like my virginity as well if it's on the menu
08:47are you so witty why don't you take advantage of me yeah you're not too bright are you no perfect
08:53perfect
