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00:11Punch-Out is one of Nintendo's longest tenured franchises, using boxing as a template for
00:15what essentially boils down to a puzzle game but with punches.
00:18As all good puzzles should have to put those poindexters on our level.
00:21Of course, Punch-Out isn't something you should take very seriously since you're going
00:24up against magical teleporting Indian men, guys wielding staves in the ring, and someone
00:28who thinks it's okay to kick in a boxing match.
00:31However, all these guys raise a very valid question.
00:34How exactly does the governing body of Punch-Out's boxing world define its ruleset?
00:37The only way these flagrant fouls would be allowed is that there was literally no ruleset whatsoever.
00:42If this is somehow not grounds for at least a point reduction, you're gonna get someone
00:46with a knife in their gloves sooner rather than later.
00:49So I wanted to see exactly which Punch-Out boxers are breaking which rules of the sweet science.
00:54For this, I'll be looking at specifically Punch-Out's Wii reboot from 2009, since not
00:59only is it the best looking, it's the most detailed, and will allow us to see what exactly
01:02these racist caricatures are doing to one-up the player.
01:09Speaking of the player, however, Little Mac is probably the best place to start.
01:13Given the fact he's your everyman from the Bronx, it's safe to assume that Mac is a pretty
01:16standard boxer, and you'd be right.
01:18From his attire, to his stance, to how he conducts himself in the corner, Mac is following almost
01:23every rule in the Unified Rules of Boxing as established by the Association of Boxing
01:27Commissions and Combat Sports.
01:29There are a lot of un-scenes that we can assume are followed, like proper fist wrapping, a
01:33clean check-up during the weigh-in, and no illegal substances.
01:36Although getting back health from Doc eating a chocolate bar is up for debate.
01:40However, it's not a perfect record.
01:43See, Mac is actually breaking one of the most paramount rules in all of boxing.
01:47He's only 17.
01:50These fully grown men are unleashing bear hugs, hondo rushes, and dreamland expresses on someone
01:56not even old enough to drink to numb the pain.
01:59This would automatically disallow Mac to compete at such a high level of competition, and would
02:03need him to take another year before professionally fighting.
02:06But maybe the WVBA allows him to compete for being a prodigy on Doc Lewis' recommendation?
02:12Either way, despite having the fundamentals down, Mac is just not ready.
02:17Some other admin I feel I should address is some of the rules of boxing that would automatically
02:21disallow these fights from happening.
02:23First is weight classes.
02:24Mac is 107 pounds, putting him in the light flyweight division.
02:28The very first opponent he fights, Glass Joe, is 110 pounds, putting him in the flyweight division.
02:33If Mac wants to fight outside his weight class, he's going to need to at least reach the minimum
02:37weight for the class he wants to fight in.
02:39So he's bulking up to at least 108 pounds.
02:42How will he ever manage that?
02:43He could stand on his scale a little weirdly.
02:46But then you have Bearhugger, who weighs in at over 400 pounds.
02:50That's a weight class so far ahead of Mac's own that it doesn't even exist.
02:54He's just heavyweight.
02:56Clearly the WBBA isn't concerned with weight classes and will book freak show fights, which
03:00is all well and good for basically everybody except Little Mac.
03:04At his weight, it's very likely, unless he plays the most defensive and evasive style
03:08ever devised, he will be killed in the ring.
03:11Weight classes exist for a reason, and with Little Mac's pitiful reach, he'd never so
03:14much as be able to land a hit on anyone.
03:18So yeah, Mac would realistically never be able to go up against even Disco Kid, who's as
03:22far from Mac on the weight chart as possible as heavyweight.
03:25But let's say for the sake of this video being made that Mac could get into the ring.
03:29Which of his opponents is breaking the most rules?
03:32First up is Glass Joe, D-minus in human form.
03:36This poor son of a gun is 99 in the hole with only a single win to his name.
03:40Granted that win is against Nick Bruiser, former World Heavyweight Champion, so he's probably
03:44still riding that buzz.
03:45All the way down to the mat.
03:47Everything about Joe is frankly up to par.
03:49His gloves, trunks, boots, corner behavior is all up to snuff.
03:54However, where we do have to mark an infraction is in his title defense match.
03:59Exclusive to punch out Wii is title defense mode, where you go up against the same 13
04:03boxers from the base game with enhanced movesets to make them championship material.
04:07What does Glass Joe get?
04:08A pillow tied to his head.
04:10In his intro cutscene after his 100th loss, it's shown that his doctor is so scared for
04:15his safety that he won't let him compete without headgear.
04:18Now, this is a very, very big infraction, possibly the biggest that you could get.
04:23Headpieces and boxing are strictly forbidden, as you're cushioning one of the most easily
04:27punchable parts of the body.
04:29The only way that headgear is allowed is if both boxers get it, but Little Mac doesn't.
04:34If Joe's taking reduced damage from headshots, he has an unfair advantage.
04:38However, I'm not totally sure I can count this one.
04:42You see, in this game, if you lose 100 times, you get a headgear that you can wear during
04:47matches that will reduce damage.
04:50Now, I will say that if you've taken 100k of losses in professional fights, a headgear
04:54now is about as effective as a mommy kiss on a decapitation.
04:57But it raises an interesting question.
04:59If Joe is fighting with this because he has to, does it count as an infraction?
05:04I mean, he literally can't fight without it thanks to his doctors and the WBBA.
05:07So is it wrong?
05:09Yes, it is, unless Mac is also wearing one, you can't wear headgear.
05:13Now if Mac also loses 100 times and wears it, it's all up to board.
05:17Until he does, though, he's got one infraction against him.
05:20Von Kaiser comes next, and given the fact that he's shown being bullied by kids, I
05:24think Mac will do just fine.
05:26Kaiser seems totally up to board, just like Joe.
05:28However, it's time to bust out a rule you might not have even thought about.
05:32Kaiser's pants are actually the big problem.
05:34In boxing, it's required that you wear loose-fitting trunks that extend no further than the knees
05:38to better show off potential low blows.
05:41Kaiser is not only wearing them below his knees, he's got them tucked into his boots.
05:45That's an infraction right there.
05:46But given that you've seen his status as a boxing teacher, it's pretty safe to say
05:49that he's got no other major oversights in his boxing style.
05:53Disco Kid is after him, and as I said before, this guy is massively out of Mac's league.
05:58Literally, he's double Mac's own weight.
06:00At first I thought the disco ball in his intro could count as an outside electronic, which
06:03you can't have.
06:04But upon closer inspection, it's more likely than not a part of the bombed-out ghetto gym
06:08that these fights take place in.
06:10It's a professional fighting arena on Mondays and Thursdays, and senior bingo on the weekends.
06:14However, you can nail him for using headphones in the corner.
06:17He could very easily be receiving outside illegal advice through those.
06:21There's just no way to know.
06:22However, the biggest offense is in his title defense fight, where he forgoes the boxing
06:26shorts for a fashion-forward leotard.
06:28While fitting in with his lifestyle choice to take up boxer sizing, it's also bananas illegal.
06:33In boxing, you're required to have a clear line of demarcation between your trunks
06:37and your chest, with the seam of your boxing shorts.
06:39It also needs to contrast, as to let your opponent know where would count as a low blow.
06:43He's not even wearing pants!
06:45Disco Kid is asking for low blows, and he has nobody to blame but himself.
06:49But Disco Kid comes out swinging with a record-setting two infractions.
06:53Here's hoping he doesn't get immediately-
06:56Yeah, there's a lot to unpack with King Hippo.
06:59Probably one of the most iconic boxers in the franchise, King Hippo is also lousy with
07:04rule breaks.
07:05Before the fight even starts, King Hippo's weight, height, and nationality are all unknown.
07:11By that logic, it's safe to say that he did not come to the required weigh-in and hasn't
07:16gotten a proper US-sanctioned boxing license.
07:18PLACE OF ORIGIN CANNOT BE UP TO INTERPRETATION!
07:22Before a punch is even thrown, he's already broken two rules.
07:26If then we get to the fight, and instantly we got a violation for head covering.
07:30That funny little crown may look good in marketing, but you don't get to take it into the ring
07:33with you.
07:34However, for the rest of the fight, he somehow manages to keep it clean, save for his pants
07:39falling down, but that's a more public indecency thing than a boxing thing.
07:42In his title defense mode, however, we've got a bigger issue to deal with.
07:46His crown is back, and actually bigger this time, but the real issue to discuss is what's
07:51going on with his stomach.
07:52He's wearing body armor!
07:54But would you believe me if I said that the covering for a man's hole isn't the only
07:57problem here?
07:58Only in minor circuit fights are you allowed to have tape on your body.
08:02That's why the big X over his tummy is legal.
08:04In a World Championship fight, you can't have tape on your person.
08:07So taping the manhole covering is a whole new rule break!
08:11King Hippo manages to break five different rules in his fights, and puts him well ahead of
08:15the rest of the pack.
08:15Moving on to the major circuit now, Piston Hondo is up, and with him we get the most
08:20up-to-bar boxer thus far.
08:22Literally, the only thing you can get him on is his headband.
08:25That's because it's a head covering and it might allow punches to slide off easier.
08:28Other than that, Hondo's playing the exact same game you are.
08:31This is even a prom exclusive to the Wii version, because in the original he fights without
08:35a headband.
08:36Sadly though, he's been barred from competition for the most heinous crime that a boxer, nay,
08:40a human can commit.
08:42Pirating manga.
08:44After him is Bearhugger, and given the fact the game was made by a Canadian studio, you'd
08:48think they'd make this rep one of the more noble ones.
08:52There's a lot to unpack with Bearhugger.
08:54First is his attire.
08:55Just like Von Kaiser, you gotta be showing off those knees.
08:58Also, like Disco, there's no distinct line between his upper and lower body.
09:01Not to mention in title defense, he's got a head covering too in the form of his hat.
09:05Now let's get on to the whole unique infractions.
09:08He's got far too bushy a beard.
09:10In boxing, you need to either be clean-shaven or have well-groomed facial hair.
09:14And certainly no beards are allowed.
09:16Something like that acts as a cushion for the jaw.
09:18In between rounds, he's also chugging on maple syrup and taking naps.
09:21This covers two whole new infractions.
09:23The consumption of anything other than water while in the corner that you may associate
09:26with a certain someone else, and not taking the fight seriously.
09:30Not only is it disrespectful, but it's also a breaking of the rules.
09:32However, let's get the big one out of the way.
09:35He's not fighting alone.
09:37Bearhugger brings a squirrel with him into the ring for title defense.
09:40Let's ignore the animal cruelty, because it's shown that the squirrel gave consent.
09:47It's shown that the squirrel gave consent.
09:56And instead focus on the rule of boxing that only the fighters and the ref can enter the
10:00ring.
10:01You can't do tag team boxing, despite how COOL that sounds!
10:06Bearhugger overall commits seven different rule breaks in the ring.
10:09Boy, I sure hope he isn't immediately shown up!
10:16This one's just f***ing weird.
10:18Let's get the elephant out of the room for now and just deal with him later.
10:22First off is the obvious head covering.
10:24Can't do that.
10:25Also, he's wearing full pants rather than boxing trunks.
10:27It's blasé at this point.
10:29And also the last boxer in the game to break this rule, since from here on out we're all
10:33plain fair in the pants game.
10:34He also leaves the ring at points, which is incredibly illegal, which he can only do because
10:39of…
10:40of…
10:41No, let's just get it over with.
10:42Now, in the unified rules of boxing, there isn't anything EXACTLY outlawing the use
10:48of magic.
10:49But at the same time, I feel like that's only because Evander Holyfield never tried
10:52a f***ing cup and ball trick in the middle of a match.
10:54So he's obviously cheating with the use of magic, but it's not that easy.
10:59Essentially, I need to make up a rule on the fly here.
11:01Do I penalize him under each different class of magic used?
11:04Do I penalize him once under the broad umbrella of magic usage in general?
11:07Are clones counted as outside influences despite the fact that they're the same guy?
11:11If the clones can't do damage to Lil Mac, are they a threat?
11:14Ultimately, it came down to this.
11:16I'm handing out an infraction for the teleportation, one for the floating, and I'll give him an
11:20infraction equal to the maximum amount of clones he uses in one fight, which is in his
11:24Mirage Dance, where he uses a clone in the Mac and one to try to pincer you.
11:28So I'm giving him an overall four infractions for the usage of magic.
11:31That lands Tiger with eight infractions when you add in the use of a flying carpet, which
11:35again, isn't covered in the rules, but I'm just pretty confident about it, call it
11:39a bunch!
11:40As a breath of fresh air, Don Flamenco only gets two infractions, with the first being
11:44for the toupee that he wears during matches.
11:46That's a head covering, and as unlikely a strike through the top of the head is, and
11:50no matter how little it covers, an infraction is still an infraction.
11:54However, his second one is for one that you might not have even seen coming.
11:57In his mid-match corner rests, he'll spritz himself with perfume.
12:00There are actually a few reasons that this is illegal.
12:03First off, the use of an aerosol can be used as an irritant for the other boxer, as the
12:06scent can disorient them.
12:07And the actual perfume applied can cause the gloves to slip off.
12:11But key amongst these facts is that in the corner, only an adrenaline solution, avatine,
12:16and thrombin are allowed to be applied.
12:18Unless that thing is filled with liquid adrenaline, he can't have it.
12:21I'm also... iffy on if this counts as magic, but I'm willing to let it slide as it's
12:25outside of the fight.
12:27Recreational magic is fine.
12:28But thankfully, it looks like the worst of the cheaters are behind us as we move on to
12:31the world circuit.
12:32Um, who's next, exactly?
12:35AHHHHHHHHH!
12:35Oh, fuck that!
12:37Soda Popinski is next, and let's just get the obvious one out of the way to start off
12:41with.
12:41Just like Bearhugger's syrup, you can't drink soda while in the corner.
12:44But he brings a whole new level of cheating by doing it in the middle of a match.
12:48Not only does this already fall under the previously explained rule, but he's also
12:52bringing foreign objects into the ring.
12:54Not to mention he's a sloppy drinker, and by getting soda onto his chest, he's applying
12:58an illegal substance to his body.
12:59I'm sure you know how sticky soda can be, so imagine trying to punch someone drenched
13:03in it.
13:04But now for the big one, as he's the only boxer that we know of that's doping.
13:08We see doctors making him special soda in a lab that lets him pull a truck with his teeth,
13:13and he's guzzling 18 bottles of this stuff in a match in his title defense intro.
13:18Doping is one of the most frowned upon things to do in sports, and to do it in front of
13:21a
13:21crowd at the expense of innocent Fanta is almost admirably bold.
13:25A bald bull comes next, and with a head shape like that you can imagine he's gotten a few
13:29broken rules under his belt.
13:31For starters, between rounds he's shown applying hot towels to himself, which, given
13:34the rules of boxing, he can't do.
13:36You can only apply a cold towel to yourself if you want to use one, but maybe it could
13:40be a cold towel and he's just so hot from boxing that he's steaming?
13:43I'm willing to give him that one, but one I can't budge on is his rage issues.
13:47Bald bull just sorta rampages and wins fights by accident rather than on purpose.
13:52As such, after winning the title in title defense mode, he's so blinded with
13:55rage that he attacks the ref, throwing him out of the ring.
13:58That doesn't just get you a penalty, that gets you banned for life.
14:02As well, when he's in the corner he's shown lifting weights, something I'm not exactly
14:05sure on the legality of, leaning on the side of no, but when you get to the point that
14:08you start hucking them into the crowd, I feel like that's enough to get the ref to ask
14:12you to leave.
14:13Super Macho Man comes next, and with him he brings a ton of infractions.
14:17One of a kind too, so that's good for him, I guess.
14:20First off is the gold chain and earrings that he wears.
14:23Boxing rules dictate that you can't have any piercings and you need to take them out
14:27before a fight starts.
14:28Speaking of attire, his trunks have personal branding on them, which is strictly forbidden.
14:32Along with that, in between rounds he's taking questions from the press, which violates rules
14:36regarding press distance from the ring, allowing them only on specific sides of the ring from
14:40a certain distance.
14:41On top of that, he's got a personal electronic with him in the camera that he's taking selfies
14:45with.
14:45Then, there's the foreign object he brings into the ring when he puts sunglasses on to
14:49try to hit the Super Macho clothesline.
14:51Speaking of which, I think it's fair to say that there's a little bit of a chance that
14:55there's outside interference.
14:57The flash photography only gets bright when he goes for the clothesline, and him putting
15:00on the glasses acts as a signal to the audience members to start flashing their bulbs to mess
15:04with Little Mac.
15:05And then, presumably thinking that that was a little too subtle of a cheat, he just cold clocks
15:09the ref.
15:10However, this is also a time where there's a non-fighter that gets a rule penalty.
15:14As in title defense mode, the lighting manager would earn an infraction by discriminating
15:19against Macho Man and not shining the light on him.
15:21It doesn't matter if they're fighting, it's still a penalty, that's boxing related.
15:25Finally is Mr. Sandman, the world champ.
15:28And there's a reason.
15:30This guy's entire strategy is sound, completely and utterly.
15:33Makes sense since this guy isn't a cartoon character like the rest.
15:36He's a boxer.
15:38The most you could levy against him is the fact that in title defense, there isn't a clear
15:41line of demarcation between his waistband and trunks, they're both black so it could
15:45be difficult, but the different texture used and the fact that the stripes on the side
15:49of the trunks stop at the waist could be enough.
15:51Given the fact that no one in the WBBA wants to tell him he can't wear his trunks like that,
15:55I'm gonna say it's less of a violation and more of a please go and change if that's
15:58okay Mr. Champion, sir.
16:01I was putting this one off cause the highest amount of infractions thus far is Great Tiger
16:05with 8.
16:06This boxer has 19.
16:08Let's go, let's go!
16:10Aaron Ryan is the first boxer in the world circuit and was made to represent the typical
16:14dirty boxer, but they didn't have to go this far with it.
16:17Aaron Ryan may be a fellow countryman, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna let slip what
16:21he tries to pull.
16:23Starting off, it's safe to assume that for the whole game, boxers have been getting their
16:26gloves the standard way, in a professional boxing fight, boxers get their gloves provided
16:30by the venues.
16:31However, because Aaron Ryan's using loaded gloves, he's clearly bringing them from home.
16:35On top of that, we know that he wraps his fists properly, but yet again, that's something
16:39that he did at home and it wasn't inspected by the ref.
16:42Bringing these things from home and not having them inspected is four penalties already, and
16:45that's not to mention the little fact that he has loaded horseshoes in his boxing gloves!
16:50He's planning on killing Little Mac at this pace!
16:53On top of that, he's shown throwing out the classic boxing cheats, trying
16:56to throw elbows and headbutts at Little Mac, as well as jumping off the ropes for that
16:59headbutt.
17:00Including that, he's also shown potentially trying to throw the fight by allowing Mac
17:03to get three hits in, literally asking him to hit him.
17:06No ref would allow that!
17:07But that's not it, as Aaron Ryan also attempts to attack Mac before the bell sounds between
17:11rounds and in doing such, throws the ref away!
17:14That's one of the biggest no-no's in boxing, and it's just one of the nearly two dozen infractions
17:19that Aaron Ryan accrues!
17:21Another thing to note is that there is a difference in the rules regarding intent to cheat and actually
17:25cheating.
17:25If you load your gloves, that's one strike.
17:28Actually, throwing a punch is a different one entirely.
17:30However, this is all before his biggest infraction in title defense mode.
17:34Not only does he steal Mac's gloves from the minor circuit after breaking his old ones,
17:38he then goes on to fashion his old gloves into a flail!
17:42So obviously, bringing a weapon into the ring as well as using that weapon are illegal, but
17:46that's not even it!
17:48The glove he's using as a flail is old and ragged, and the rules state that if a glove is
17:52in such bad
17:52condition, it should be replaced by the venue.
17:55So even his cheating is cheating!
17:57Even more!
17:58When he gets knocked down, he'll attempt to throw one more swing with his weapon, and
18:01when a fighter is going down, they can't throw any more punches!
18:04The ref has already ruled them down and is waiting to deliver the ten count!
18:07And finally, Ryan is also seen inciting and fighting with the crowds, to the point that
18:11they start throwing stuff into the ring!
18:13It's almost admirable how much cheating he manages to sneak into a fight that probably won't
18:17take that long!
18:18It's not even close that Aaron is cheating twice as hard as the next two biggest cheaters
18:23combined!
18:24And they were bringing in squirrels, clones, and magic!
18:27Aaron Ryan did his cheating all on his own!
18:29This goes beyond being banned from competition!
18:32He's gonna be killed at this rate!
18:47Time for the easiest pun of my career, it's time for round two, ladies and gentlemen!
18:51To say that the response to the punch out video has blown me away would be an insult
18:54to blowing!
18:55At time of recording, the video has cracked one million views and still climbing!
18:59Not only has the video had a big effect on me as a creator, it's apparently also had an
19:03effect on the Punch-Out!
19:04Fandom!
19:04Seriously, if you check out the Punch-Out!
19:05Wiki, now every fighter that I covered has a section about the rules they've broken!
19:08I wondered if this was because of me, but then I saw that they used the word infraction
19:12and knew it was me!
19:13I used that word about 100 trillion times in the last one, so it couldn't be anyone else!
19:17Well, today we're changing some hearts, minds, and most importantly, Wikipedia articles,
19:20because we're stepping back into the squared circle to take a look at more of Punch-Out!'s
19:23boxers, to see what exactly they're doing to try and one-up the current reigning
19:26and defending champion, Aaron Ryan!
19:28It's gonna be a long road, certainly, but the fighters we have lined up look like they're
19:31more than good enough competition!
19:33Including one person who I seem to have forgotten in the last video, though I can't seem to
19:37place my finger on who, exactly.
19:39So to start off, I feel it's important to quell or address points brought up by others
19:43about the past video.
19:44First and most commonly was Great Tiger's head covering being a religious headpiece and
19:47therefore protected, and they'd be right to say as such.
19:49A turban is often worn by Shia Muslims, and with the rules regarding women's boxers wearing
19:53full-body coverings and hijabs, I'm willing to let Great Tiger go on this one.
19:56It's not like he doesn't have eight other rules he's breaking, he's not gonna be hurting
19:59by losing one.
20:00I wouldn't want to make a ruling that God himself wouldn't agree with me on.
20:04Another common one was the use of a backhanded strike in the ring.
20:06It is indeed illegal to backhand, as well as it's illegal to attack with an ear clapping
20:10move.
20:10For that reason, we're adding a few more infractions.
20:13King Hippo claps the ears in both his Hippo Squash and Squash and Slam.
20:16Bear Huggers Bear Hug is quite literally just an ear clap, Great Tiger smacks you with the
20:20side of his hands when he does the Mirage Dance, as well as Don Flamenco gets one for his
20:23backhanded slap.
20:24It was also brought up that Mr. Sandman did have an infraction, as he uses an overhand
20:28punch in his fight.
20:29Actually, not only are overhand punches legal, but they're an important part of boxing, only
20:33to be used when you have a height advantage over your opponent.
20:36Everybody has a height advantage over you.
20:38So, Mr. Sandman's punch is clean.
20:40It's illegal, however, to hit your opponent with the side of your hand, which is exactly
20:43what I'd call these.
20:45So that's one extra point for Von Kaiser, three for Hippo, one for Bear Hugger, two Great Tiger,
20:49one for Don Flamenco, and one more for Super Macho Man.
20:52Still putting none of them within spitting distance of Eren, but that's what the new
20:55crop of fighters is for.
21:01Except, not all fighters are created equal.
21:04See, as much as it pains me, a lot of these fighters don't do anything wrong.
21:08Kid Quick, Piston Hurricane, Mr. Dream, Mike Tyson, and Pizza Pasta are all too boring to
21:12be considered for the list, since they're just bog-standard boxers.
21:15I know Pizza Pasta is someone that a lot of people wanted me to talk about, but trust me,
21:19the only interesting thing about him is his name.
21:20Also, if I start judging real-world boxer Mike Tyson, I'm afraid he's gonna come to my
21:24house and perform amateur brain surgery on me with his fists.
21:27My style is impetuous, my defense is impregnable, and I'm just ferocious, I want your heart,
21:32I want to eat his children.
21:33I ain't judging!
21:34Other than those guys, everyone else from the arcade games and NES game has already been
21:38covered, meaning that now all that's left...
21:39Besides him.
21:40...is Super Punch-Out, categorically nobody's favorite Punch-Out game.
21:44Something to get out of the way is that almost every fighter has their coach shouting instructions
21:48to them in the ring, ranging from PUNCH GOOD!
21:51To...
21:51HERE'S A KNIFE, GET HIM!
21:52I'll be including any egregious examples of outside coaching in their score.
21:55The first boxer in which being Glass Joe's protégé, Gabby J.
21:59Just like Joe, he seems too pathetic to be hiding any nefarious tactics, and in all fairness,
22:03he isn't.
22:04He's wearing his cheating all over his body.
22:06See, in boxing, to avoid watching two grandpas fight like a blown call at a little league
22:10game, there are age limits on when you can box up until.
22:13Most major organizations place that somewhere around 40.
22:16After that, you leave any age bracket created and can't fight at such a high level.
22:19Gabby J is 16 years on from when his last fight should have been.
22:2316 years of fighting past your prime, only ever losing, along with the ravages of time
22:27mean that Gabby J will be lucky if he ever walks again.
22:30This man is trying to speedrun dementia like he's playing everywhere at the end of time at 20 times speed!
22:34Other than that, he's fine, but somebody needs to trank this geezer before he tries to come out to the
22:38ring with an oxygen tank!
22:40After the skippable bear hugger, Piston Hurricane, and Bald Bull, it's time to infringe on some copyright with Bob Charlie.
22:46Just do as little as possible to hide it.
22:47He's the best kind of distinct. Legally!
22:50So as you can very clearly see, he's got a headband, and what's good for the Honda is good for
22:53the Charlie,
22:54and he's already got one infraction.
22:55Something interesting to note is that since his hair is so long, he's at risk of blinding himself and potentially
23:00getting it ripped out from the roots.
23:02Overall, that leaves Charlie with two different rule breaks.
23:04I'm counting the hair as one since I doubt they'd let him fight like that for his own safety.
23:07Also, copyright infringement isn't counted since they're not gonna have court proceedings in the ring, so it's outside my jurisdiction.
23:12Moving on to quite possibly the most famous cheat and punch out, Dragon Chan is most famous for being the
23:17example I brought up last time to bring up how much cheating there is.
23:20So, let's get it out of the way.
23:21First off, jumping is technically not illegal.
23:24It's dumb as hell, but it's not illegal.
23:26However, jumping onto the ropes is super illegal.
23:29I don't need to tell you that.
23:30But then there's the kick itself.
23:32Kickboxing exists.
23:33And even there, you can't do this.
23:36This might as well be the most blatant foul thus far because, yeah, you obviously can't kick in a boxing
23:41match.
23:41That's the whole point.
23:43On top of that, he performs the kick in two unique instances.
23:45Once by simply kicking, and then by doing his jump kick.
23:47But not just the kick is illegal though, as his pants reach down below his knees, his shoes aren't regulation
23:52boxing boots, and while the belt does provide a line of demarcation, it in and of itself is an unnecessary
23:57accessory and is therefore illegal.
23:59Given the fact that he has experience as a kickboxer, the question has to be asked why he felt the
24:02need to drop the kick part and try straight up boxing.
24:05Up next is the boxer I was most excited to cover when we got to Super Punch Out, and that's
24:08Masked Muscle.
24:10Being a luchador from Mexico, he's the second boxer thus far to bring an outside fighting style to boxing, and
24:15this one is even less of a fit than the last one.
24:17At least that one had the word boxing in the title.
24:19Pro wrestling is about as far from boxing as you can get.
24:21So before we get to his moves, I don't actually know what to do about one of his infractions.
24:26See, his mask is obviously a head covering, his wrestling tights extend into his boots, and then there are his
24:31knee pads.
24:32Technically he's already covering his knees with his tights, but man, it feels like this is even more of a
24:38cheat than usual.
24:39I'm willing to count this as doubling up, like the ref would ask them to take off his knee pads,
24:43see the pants underneath, and just give up.
24:46Also, I'm willing to bet that his boots aren't boxing boots, but wrestling boots.
24:50See, wrestling boots are designed for the more dogged and flexible style of wrestling, rather than the stance-based combat
24:55of boxing.
24:56And as such, by using wrestling boots, he has a better range of motion than other boxers.
25:00On top of that, those tights he's wearing have no clear line of demarcation for the waist, and as such
25:04are another illegal part.
25:06Oh yeah, he also spits in your eyes and headbutts you.
25:08However, this is no ordinary spit.
25:10As was common in Japanese wrestling, I'd say that this is closer to Dokugiri, or Poison Mist.
25:16Yeah, in Japan, sometimes they just breathe poison onto each other when they're wrestling.
25:20One of the Japanese equivalents to Hulk Hogan, Keiji Muto, used it whenever he warped into his demon alter ego,
25:25the Great Muda.
25:26Also, the color gave it different elemental properties.
25:29Green was poison, red was burning, black was blinding.
25:32Man, wrestling's way cooler than boxing, what am I doing?
25:35So, yeah, if this actually is Poison Mist, the blue coloring would give it the blinding effect.
25:39See, when you spit into somebody's eyes, they don't see in Mode 7.
25:43So, that's a rule break for the spitting, bringing in a foreign substance, and by using that foreign substance.
25:48Then there's the headbutt, which seems almost pedantic, given what we just discussed.
25:51All things considered, and including the fact that his coach tells him to spit in your eyes,
25:55that gives Masked Muscle 9 infractions.
25:57Still dwarfed by Ryan, but an admirable effort nonetheless.
26:00We've come to meet Aaron Ryan on his home turf, and...
26:03What the...
26:04No headbutts?
26:06No elbows?
26:07No boxing gloves on string?
26:09I don't believe it, but...
26:10Aaron Ryan isn't cheating.
26:13All of his moves, all of his movements, everything is perfectly up to board.
26:17But maybe you could get him on Grabbing Little Mac, right?
26:20Well, no, that's a clinch.
26:23It's a common move in boxing.
26:24It's the reason that Mayweather vs Pacquiao is one of the worst fights ever.
26:27I genuinely never thought I'd say this, but...
26:31Aaron's clean.
26:33Hikikaguro is next, and with him are a couple of really weird rules.
26:37First and foremost is his face paint.
26:39Kinda weird, I know, but for the same reason you can't have perfume with Don Flamenco,
26:43that face paint could be a grease-based paint, and as such would make it easier for blows
26:46to slip off his face.
26:48Speaking of his face, let's talk about what's on top of it.
26:50It's clear that Hikki is proud of his hair, despite graying at 19.
26:54However, it's even longer than Bob Charlie's, and as a result, it's much more likely to be told off by
26:59the rep
26:59that he either needs to cut it or get into some sort of braid.
27:02If not by just seeing it, the rep will definitely be getting the cutting shears when he sees him use
27:05his hair as a whip
27:06to smack Little Mac in the face!
27:08Once again taken from pro wrestling.
27:09So he's literally using a part of his body as a foreign object!
27:12While long hair in and of itself isn't exactly illegal, this would certainly set the precedent that it is!
27:17Other than that, all's fallen good except for, oh yeah, the f***ing teleporting!
27:20Now, you may be tempted to say that this is just fancy footwork, with the fact that he's a dancer.
27:24Well, let me tell you, this is fancy footwork, this is teleportation.
27:28I'm an experienced magic critic now, thanks to Great Tiger, and let me tell you something,
27:33this is a classic case of teleportation!
27:35He even calls it a mirage dance, too! He was an inspiration!
27:38That leaves Hikki with four infractions.
27:40Mad Clown is next, and if you thought Masked Muscle was bad, wait till you get a load of this
27:43bad boy!
27:44From the bottom to the top, he swapped his wrestling boots for clown shoes,
27:47wears overalls that don't show a clear line of demarcation and cover the knees,
27:50and is wearing a shirt which, while not illegal in an amateur fight,
27:53would be in a World Circuit fight, which...
27:55Yeah, I probably should have gotten Mac on for last time,
27:58but his choice of tank top and not eye-melting blue and white t-shirt is what saved him there!
28:01The metal buckles and buttons on his overalls, well, are a major no-no!
28:05Also, and I only realized this after the fight started, but his ham-shaped head is obscuring a bowtie!
28:10How cute! That's illegal!
28:11Then there's his face, and he's got two different types of face covering.
28:16As we previously covered, you can't have face paint,
28:18and his is even more noticeable than Hikki's, given the fact that he is, indeed, a clown.
28:22But that red nose of his is in no way naturally occurring,
28:25and is definitely a way of covering the nose when getting punched,
28:27which, I don't need to tell you, hurts like hell!
28:30Now, as for his in-ring actions, it's more of the standard cheats,
28:33like going for an express ear clap, throwing the opponent out of a clinch,
28:36trying to chop the opponent with the side of your hand, all the fun of the fair!
28:38Then there's his big one. He'll flip backwards into the air and then land on his knee.
28:43In boxing, taking a knee is considered down, and as such, he'd be one step closer to a TKO.
28:49Then there's the small matter of him throwing balls at your face!
28:52Those balls are absolutely not regulation, and add on to that,
28:55since they weren't inspected by the ref, they could be filled with concrete for all we know!
28:58And he brought six of them into the ring!
29:00That's six different counts of a foreign weapon!
29:02And then there's the fact that he actually throws them!
29:04Remember, difference between intent to cheat and actually doing it!
29:08With all that, Clown comes out to 17 infractions, which puts him...
29:12Just too shy of Aaron Ryan!
29:15And really, that's only because of how many balls he brings into the ring.
29:18Pair them down to one, and he's only got 13!
29:20Still the best performance thus far!
29:22Great job, Mad Clown! Never come back!
29:26Nurse's Prince comes next, and I almost want to dock him off the bat for being a literal drooling moron!
29:30The guy doesn't want people to punch him in the face, so he became a boxer!
29:34Oh, I have the best legs in the world, that's why I work as a landmine tester!
29:37So, from his attire, you can see a few problems, the big one being his Ivy League vest!
29:42Not only is such upper body wear illegal, but there's a second shirt underneath!
29:45Shirts are already hard to judge, but two shirts is definitely illegal!
29:49Next are his boxing trunks! Those bad boys need to be open and free!
29:52But these ones are practically skin-tight!
29:54Then there are his boots, or rather, the lack thereof!
29:57His shoe choice is for a fresh pair of sneakers, which, while stylish, doesn't cut it!
30:01However, outside of how he dresses, he actually managed to keep it clean in the ring!
30:04So, good for you, Narciss!
30:05I put this mostly down to the fact that he's so young that he hasn't had a chance to figure
30:09out how best to cheat!
30:10Unlike our next competitor, Hoi Corlo!
30:12You thought Gabby J was over the hill?
30:14Hoi here is 78 years old!
30:16Gabby was only 56!
30:18If 40 is the age that you should stop boxing at, Hoi has been going on 38 years past his
30:22sell-by date!
30:23On top of his age, his weight is extremely distressing!
30:25The man is only 100 pounds!
30:28Don't fight him!
30:29Just f***ing pick him up and toss him!
30:31Then there's his clothing!
30:32A big baggy shirt, long pants, and slippers means he's broken four rules already!
30:36I'm also willing to say that his facial hair is way too long to be considered kosher!
30:40Then, there's his fighting style!
30:43Gotta say, I can't find anything wrong here!
30:45Okay, so, bringing his staff into the ring is ridiculous!
30:47He's not even trying to hide it!
30:48At least Aaron had the decency to hide his flail down his pants!
30:50So, Hoi not only brings his staff into the ring to hit you with, but he also throws kicks!
30:55Uh, but at least his punches are good, right?
30:57Wrong!
30:58Cause the only punch he throws is this one!
31:00And this is not a punch, this is an open palm strike, which you can't do!
31:03After that, he attempts to backhand you with a spin fist, which you can't do!
31:06Also, if jumping was illegal, he'd probably be worth about 10 Aaron Ryans!
31:10Despite how much people swore by Hoi dwarfing Aaron, he only gets 11!
31:13Not even the highest score in this game!
31:15Finally, we're at the Brothers Bruiser, Rick and Nick!
31:18The most boring way to finish out a game!
31:20Two bald-headed white guys!
31:22Oh boy, Rick Bruiser sure was a boring penultimate boss!
31:24I wonder what's next!
31:26OOOOOOOOH!
31:27So, let's go over shared instances of these actual palette swaps before getting into anything unique!
31:31First off, despite being the two top-ranked boxers in the entire world, or...
31:35the entire special, I guess, neither Rick nor Nick have a definitive place of origin or age!
31:41Seeing as King Hippo had the same problem, it's safe to assume that despite their prestigious position,
31:45they don't even have a proper boxing license!
31:47Going into the fight, and honestly, they both fight the exact same,
31:50so the only main problem comes from them both using illegal elbows!
31:54Rick has both a jumping and grounded version, while Nick only uses the jumping version!
31:58Not only is an elbow an illegal move, but a jumping attack is also illegal!
32:02All this time I said jumps are allowed, never included jump attacks!
32:05That's the illegal part!
32:07So that would land Rick with two as he does the grounded and aerial forms,
32:09while Nick only gets one!
32:11But, Rick still does have one trick left up his sleeve!
32:14He's wearing earrings!
32:15Just like Super Macho Man, he needs to take those out before he fights,
32:18and as such, lands him with four infractions to Brother Nick's two!
32:21For once, the little brother wins!
32:23And that rounds out Super Punch Out!
32:25And with that, the video's over, right?
32:28Except no...
32:29No, no, it couldn't be over.
32:31Of course people were asking for Super Punch Out!
32:34But, what ten times as many people were asking about was for one King of Kongs!
32:38So let's bite the bullet!
32:40Let's talk about Donkey Kong!
32:42Donkey Kong!
32:47Donkey Kong!
32:55Now, I know I've taken a controversial stance on Donkey Kong in the past,
32:59calling him a cartoon character for babies,
33:02and sure, I may have proof of that in the form of this cartoon for babies,
33:06but I'm first and foremost a man of the people.
33:09So if the people really want me to talk about him, by golly, it's my duty to do it!
33:12So let's start from the top.
33:14We all know where Donkey Kong lives, he lives on Congo Bongo, as the cartoon explains.
33:19However, a group that has no idea where he comes from is the WVBA,
33:23as they don't know his birthplace, weight, or height.
33:26That means no weigh-in and no boxing license.
33:29I also want to quell the rumors that this fight couldn't take place due to animal cruelty.
33:33Donkey Kong is an animal that can talk and think for himself,
33:36and it's to be assumed that Donkey Kong gave consent.
33:43Yeah, we're doing this joke again.
33:51Starting off, you might be tempted to say that these barrels and bananas count as outside objects,
33:55and you'd be wrong!
33:56These fall under the banner of entrance theatrics.
33:59If Deontay Wilder can come out dressed as Rhinestone Skeletor for his fight with Tyson Fury,
34:03then Donkey Kong can roll out a barrel or two.
34:04Before we throw a punch, though, we got a laundry list of things to go over first.
34:08First things first, we can see that he has personal branding on his gloves and tie.
34:11Second, there's no clear line of demarcation between his waist and below the belt created by his boxing shorts.
34:16Next, his shorts don't extend above the knees, also he's not wearing boxing shorts.
34:20On top of that, he's not wearing any boots, the tie counts as an accessory,
34:23and seeing as we don't know where Donkey Kong comes from and that he's using personalized gloves,
34:27it can be assumed that the ref hasn't checked him and that he didn't wrap his fists properly.
34:31Donkey Kong is beating most people in the game without ever throwing a punch.
34:34Good thing, too, as all of his attacks are illegal!
34:37First off is his slam attack.
34:38That's an overhead club with the side of the glove, so that's two for that.
34:42Then there's his body clap, which since his gloves are the size of Little Mac, would result in an ear
34:46clap.
34:46That clap is also being done with the inside of his gloves.
34:49His jumping slam is a jump strike, which isn't allowed,
34:51and it doesn't take a genius to see that his taunting pass is excessive and into unsportsmanlike.
34:56When he rolls on the ground, he's officially down since his knees make contact with the floor.
34:59And then he throws a massive backhand!
35:02Then in the corner, he's seen munching on a banana, which is illegal.
35:04You can't eat in the corner, not that you'd want to,
35:07because imagine eating food then going out to fight!
35:09You may also ask if kidnapping Mac at the end of the fight counts as a rule break.
35:13Listen, once the bell rings, they can do whatever they want, you know, it's not my problem!
35:17No rules saying that you don't own the loser.
35:19Overall, they'll lose Donkey Kong with an unbelievable 19 infractions,
35:23and in a shocking upset, ties in with our current champion, Aaron Ryan!
35:26It looks like the fairytale dream of Ryan has finally come to an end,
35:29as it took a literal wild animal without an understanding of how to box to tie him!
35:33Ladies and gentlemen, I couldn't have seen it coming, but...
35:37What if I told you that, as several people pointed out, Aaron has one last trick up his sleeve?
35:42In contender mode, if you lose against him, Ryan will headbutt the camera.
35:46Assuming that the camera is meant to be a WBBA cameraman,
35:49that means that Ryan will have destroyed WBBA property and has broken one more rule,
35:53routing him up to an even 20!
35:56Ladies and gentlemen, your winner, and still WBBA cheaters champion, Aaron Ryan!
36:04Alright boys, get a visual, fire!
36:13You know, instead of ending one of these with a gag, I just want to take a moment to say
36:18thank you.
36:19Everyone who watched the last one of these helped support me through incredibly selfless donations and just made the impossible
36:25seem possible.
36:26You've impacted my life in a way that I'd completely written off.
36:30I can only hope that my stupid video helps your day by making it just a little bit better by
36:34being funny.
36:36And all I can hope is that the rest of these are just as fun as this one.
36:39And to finish this one off in the spirit of the first one, with all these new rule breakers on
36:43the scene,
36:43I think this redesign of Mac is a little outdated.
36:47Much better.
36:47...
36:47...
36:50...
36:52and
37:06you
37:07me