00:02My name is Sarah and 18 months ago I was diagnosed with social anxiety and depression.
00:08I was quite relieved and thankful to have a diagnosis because it meant that I could
00:13put a label to what was going on inside my head and I knew having read up on it that
00:20it was just temporary, it wasn't going to be like this forever. I had no control over
00:25the thoughts that were in my head, there was no calm, there was no peace unless you were
00:28sleeping but you couldn't sleep because your thoughts were going round and round and round
00:32in your head. I was having like 2-3 panic attacks a week which is really physically draining
00:39and I got really anxious over really simple everyday situations like going to get petrol
00:44would almost bring me to a panic attack so I realised that wasn't healthy or a good way
00:51to carry on living so I went and sought help from my GP.
00:55You'd think about the situation as in ok I'm going to have to pull up, get petrol, that's
00:59all fine and then what if people look at me, what if they judge me, what if I can't unscrew
01:05the petrol cap, really really simple things. And then interacting with the cashier was generally
01:12what I panicked about the most, like again like the fear of judgement and what they were
01:16going to think of me and stuff like that. It was really simple but you obsess over it.
01:20So I just didn't have any energy, I didn't want to do anything, I had no interest in doing anything
01:25even like going home and turning on Netflix and watching something like Gilmore Girls
01:30seemed like the biggest effort in the world. I didn't have any interest in doing anything.
01:36I went to my favourite place in Scotland, I just didn't feel anything, like I'd normally
01:41be really happy to be there but there was just nothing, it was quite numb.
01:46To share it with my family felt quite good because it meant that I could explain what I was going
01:52through and that again it was only temporary and it wasn't an aspect of my personality.
01:58They all kind of accepted what I was saying to them and they were quite supportive as well.
02:04My walls were quite naturally up, so you put on a mask and you pretend like everything's fine
02:09so I'd go into therapy knowing why I was there and my therapist would be like,
02:13how are you today? And I'd be like, I'm fine, how are you?
02:17But actually the more that I let my walls down, the easier it was because it was like I was
02:22accepting the help that I was given.
02:24I had to make a conscious effort to put those walls down.
02:27A really bad thing to say to me is, you're just overthinking it or just get on with it or
02:32everyone's got problems
02:36or why don't you just treat yourself to some shoes, that normally cheers me up.
02:41That's really unhelpful.
02:44Probably the most helpful thing someone said to me is, what you're doing now, like whatever you can do, that's
02:51enough.
02:51Because even though you're not able to do what you used to be able to do or what other people
02:57can do,
02:59even if you're putting in 110% effort, that's enough. That was really helpful.
03:05I want to stay on top of my condition, so I want to manage it and make sure that I
03:10don't reach the place that I was at.
03:13But I also want to make it okay for my friends and colleagues and everyone to talk about mental health
03:20around me,
03:20because, as I said, talking about it makes it so much easier to deal with,
03:25and communicating how you feel makes it easier to deal with.
03:30I would like to thank you so much for the comments.
03:33You
Comments