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00:04before our honeymoon took him off the coast my husband julian cancelled our flight behind my
00:10back he swapped them for tickets to ibiza with his childhood best friend poppy even his pack
00:17of party boyfriends thought he'd gone too far and tried to talk him down
00:24the fuck julian this is messed up claire's been looking forward to it forever
00:29julian didn't care he brushed them off without a second thought it's poppy's birthday wish one
00:35more single girl trip with her before i'm locked down for good claire always blows everything out
00:39of proportion this'll be good for her reminder she's not the center of the universe the poppy
00:44he was talking about was his weepy childhood playmate and i was claire the wife he couldn't
00:49even bother to say my wife about i didn't fight i didn't argue i pretended i had no idea quietly
00:55canceled the honeymoon and bought a one-way ticket to another country on the other side of the ocean
01:00my phone was lagging the cancellation screen kept spinning meanwhile on poppy's pink tablet an
01:05i-message group chat called astor's royal guard wouldn't stop lighting up i tapped it open poppy's
01:11avatar filled the screen what the hell is wrong with you assholes every single one of you is taking
01:16claire's side like she's your bro not me fine you're right it's all my fault i'm just a bitch
01:23i shouldn't have a birthday i definitely shouldn't have wished for julian to come with me
01:28i should be like the rest of you kissing queen claire's ass you're her real friends i don't matter
01:33at all happy now julian who'd been ghosting me for two days claiming he was in meetings replied in
01:38seconds he at the other six guys and sent one thing a single question mark sorry sorry sorry it's
01:46just one bachelorette trip queen poppy says jump we don't just send julia all six of us drop
01:52everything and show up as bodyguard screw you claire's the one you actually answer to claire
01:59please so they had a wedding big deal julian still got that paperwork locked in his safe she's a wife
02:05in name only legally none of it counts last laugh still up for grabs i blinked staring at the group
02:11chat that was so much livelier without me in it if poppy hadn't left her tablet in julian's car
02:16i wouldn't have even earned a peek at all this fun and there i'd been naively reading travel guides
02:23hoping the honeymoon would make for great photos i stared at the empty itinerary for a long time
02:30then i went back to the home screen typed in a new destination and made a call
02:37mom i'll go to london with you on the other end my mother caught it immediately something was wrong
02:43back then she'd turned down a once in a lifetime job offer for my sake
02:47mom i know you have questions but right now i don't have the energy to explain everything that
02:53just happened i've made up my mind once i wrap up work and get my visa sorted i'll fly out
02:59then i'll tell you everything mom went quiet for a few seconds in the end she didn't push i hung
03:05up
03:05and collapsed onto the couch trying to steady myself julian's friends had a point we'd signed a
03:10prenup we'd had a wedding but he deliberately locked the marriage license the one we still
03:13had to file with city hall in his safe until it was legally binding i was just a wife who
03:18could be
03:18swapped out at any moment which right now meant i didn't have to wait for him to come home no
03:23divorce
03:23proceedings no drawn out fights over assets i pushed the wave of feeling back down and forced myself up
03:29to start packing in the closet the his and hers vacation outfits freshly pressed seemed to grin at me
03:34i'd designed them myself for the honeymoon for julian i'd pulled all-nighters revising them over and
03:41over the final pieces had just come in today half an hour ago i'd still been waiting for julian to
03:47come
03:47home and try them on now i just wanted to throw every single one of them in the trash
03:53by the time i'd packed and dragged my suitcase to the door it was the middle of the night
04:02julian say it come on you're my royal stallion giddy up yeah yeah through my stinging blurred vision
04:09i saw julian who hadn't been home in three days giving poppy a piggyback ride her face was flushed red
04:16one hand had his ear in a death grip the other was patting his head demanding he neigh
04:25poppy's drunk i didn't know why he was bothering to explain when he'd moved in with me and poppy
04:30bought the apartment directly above ours the very next day he hadn't explained when poppy had giggled
04:36in our doorway hanging off julian and purring sweetie i'll always be on top of you he hadn't
04:41explained then either all he ever said was claire you know what we are to each other they were
04:48childhood sweethearts after all two old money families joined at the hip everyone had watched
04:52them grow up for years they've been the golden couple in every photo until julian launched a
04:58three-year campaign chasing me in college to him that was proof enough that there was nothing
05:02between him and poppy once i tore myself apart over it i obsessed i picked fights but now whatever
05:08they did had nothing to do with me anymore i looked away all i said was yeah of course then
05:13i started
05:13to wheel my suitcase past him it was the answer he should have wanted he didn't take it well
05:20say that again i said we're done julian i'm breaking up with you
05:28you're really not done throwing this tantrum are you and by the way claire we had our wedding last
05:34week if you're throwing a fit the words divorce not breakup breakup divorce to julian they were the
05:43same kind of joke he looked at me lazily the way you humor a child who's being unreasonable i didn't
05:48bother arguing the corner of my mouth twitched call it whatever you want but i couldn't leave
05:53the standoff lasted only a few seconds
06:07julian instinctively reached down to help her up she shoved him away don't touch me i'm done i'm done
06:13the second she sees me it's i want to break up i'm leaving am i some kind of prop am
06:18i garbage why is
06:19she so disgusted by me julian let's cut each other off i am sick of walking on eggshells around her
06:29it's all my fault i shouldn't have ever shown up in your lives i shouldn't have grown up with you
06:35right on cue she launched into dramatic dry heaving baking that she couldn't breathe tearing
06:38through her hermess bag for something my pills where's my xanax i'm dying maybe i should just die
06:43anything's better than being treated like this every single time the heat at my wrist disappeared
06:48julian had already pulled her into his arms stopping her it took maybe a few seconds
06:55poppy was gasping wildly against his chest her eyes red
07:01happy now it was always like this the instant i showed even a hint of resistance poppy would declare
07:08an anxiety attack and start frantically hurting herself can't speak to her can't touch her can't
07:13even walk away in the early days julian had begged me to humor her claire you've been through it
07:18yourself you know how it is when she's like this all you can do is go along with her because
07:23lives
07:23were on the line i caved every time i avoided the storm but eventually i figured it out poppy's
07:29condition only flared up when julian wasn't choosing her over me that so-called anxiety disorder
07:34it was just possessedness in costume forcing him to pick a side i looked down at the smug little
07:39look on poppy's face i nodded sure very happy though you moved a little too fast you didn't
07:48get to find the pills your acting could use some work try harder next time a flash of shock crossed
07:53poppy's face she froze then started gearing up for round two his tall frame loomed over me suddenly
07:59my whole field of vision went dark the shoulder that used to shelter me was now carrying another
08:05woman carrying her while blocking my way out claire i really have been spoiling you too much
08:15she has every right to make you pay for that be grateful claire i'm the one holding her back
08:20for a moment the world went vacuum silence i couldn't hear a thing even poppy froze then she snapped out
08:28of it jerked her hand free and swung it hard at my face a second before her palm hit me
08:32julian caught
08:33her wrist those eyes the ones that used to watch over me through the night that used to pull me
08:37out
08:37of nightmares tonight they were cold as ice a flicker of disgust a warning you really thought
08:42you could just walk out on me if she'd actually hit you you'd be throwing a fit for days right
08:48she got hurt and you don't even care
08:53when you're ready to be reasonable you'll apologize to poppy yourself
08:57i stood there watching the floor numbers climb my whole body shaking cold so cold the kind that
09:03crept up from the bottom of you that no coat no matter how expensive could keep out
09:09five years five whole years my body could make a clean break my heart couldn't pull free that fast
09:16i don't know how long it took eventually i flagged down a cab and headed to a hotel near work
09:21until i left the country that's where i'd stay
09:25while i waited for my visa i had to close out the project i'd been leading for almost two years
09:31my personal life was already a wreck my career wasn't going to be i buried myself in overtime
09:37kept myself slammed partly to speed things up partly so i wouldn't have time to think as long as i
09:43was
09:43busy i couldn't dwell on anything else maybe it was the toll on my body and nerves lately i'd been
09:48constantly tired constantly nauseous my boss reminded me to pull it together the client was coming a sting
09:54in this afternoon to finalize the contract at the head of the table sat someone i knew julian in a
10:01sharp suit and beside him in a cinched waist backless cocktail dress sat poppy my nails dug into my palms
10:09before i could stop them my boss thought i had nerves and whispered relax the proposal and the
10:14designs have already been signed off by their project lead these two are just bored trust fund
10:18wabies playing at being adults smile through it humor the rich kids and we're done just give them your
10:22usual pitch i drew a breath i forced on a smile i opened the deck and walked them through my
10:28design
10:28vision smooth composed point by point poppy propped her chin in her hand nodding along all smiles under
10:34the table my boss flashed me a discreet thumbs up i exhaled reading the room someone slid the contract
10:40across the table it's not doing it for me the design's so boring it gives me a headache just looking
10:45at it i don't think i want a sign the smile froze on my boss's face i kept mine polite
10:52is there a
10:53specific element you're not happy with poppy didn't even glance at the contract she held up her hand
10:58admiring her fresh manicure hard to say it's more of a feeling then she hooked her arm through julian's
11:05what do you think every eye in the room turned to him julian's eyes landed on me on instinct i
11:11looked
11:11away sounds like your project lead doesn't have much faith in her own work either i'm suddenly
11:15losing interest in this investment pulling out oh and just so you know i've already authorized my
11:23people to begin a hostile takeover of your company congratulations claire you'll be working for me
11:29very soon two years on this account a thousand discarded drafts i'd lost count of the nights i'd
11:34spent at my desk to get here we were finally about to land this was supposed to be the showcase
11:39project the perfect closing chapter on this stage of my career one careless sentence from him and it
11:43was all stillborn back at the office my boss came tearing in white as a shield shaking from head to
11:49toe
11:50he was practically sobbing claire he will destroy the whole firm please just go apologize
11:58it wasn't that i didn't want to save the project
12:02it was that i knew exactly who poppy was actually here for the only way this project survived was if
12:10i disappeared
12:12i just hadn't expected the one thing tying me to this city would get torn apart this fast
12:17the wave of nauseous hit again i stumbled out of the office julian still here his hand started wandering
12:24somewhere it had no business going i bit down on him with everything i had
12:29the taste of blood bloomed thick between our mouths get out julian stood there his expression unreadable
12:43claire after all this time why haven't you learned i tried to twist away the harder i fought the
12:48tighter he held me if you just apologized for what happened last time
12:56none of this would be happening today
13:01how hard is it to lower your head just once julian's voice was softer than any sweet nothing
13:07he'd ever whispered in my ear but i was shaking anyway not from the cold from a cramp tearing through
13:12my stomach an eerie sinking dragging down feeling something was rushing out of me a ridiculous thought
13:20surfaced in my mind i tried to look down julian's grip on my chin held me in place all i
13:28could do was
13:28bite my lip and hold on something warm slipped down my thigh dripping onto the carpet julian noticed
13:43claire you
13:49before our honeymoon to the amalfi coast my husband julian cancelled our flight behind my back
13:55he swapped them for tickets to ibiza with his childhood best friend poppy even his pack of
14:02party boy friends thought he'd gone too far and tried to talk him down
14:09the fuck julian this is messed up claire's been looking forward to it forever julian didn't care
14:16he brushed them off without a second thought it's poppy's birthday wish one more single girl trip with
14:21her before i'm locked down for good claire always blows everything out of proportion this'll be good for
14:26her reminder she's not the center of the universe the poppy he was talking about was his weepy childhood
14:31playmate and i was claire the wife he couldn't even bother to say my wife about i didn't fight i
14:36didn't argue i pretended i had no idea quietly canceled the honeymoon and bought a one-way ticket
14:42to another country on the other side of the ocean my phone was lagging the cancellation screen kept
14:47spinning meanwhile on poppy's pink tablet an imessage group chat called astor's royal guard wouldn't
14:53stop lighting up i tapped it open poppy's avatar filled the screen what the hell is wrong with you
14:58assholes every single one of you is taking claire's side like she's your bro not me fine you're right
15:05it's all my fault i'm just a bitch i shouldn't have a birthday i definitely shouldn't have wished
15:11for julian to come with me i should be like the rest of you kissing queen claire's ass you're her
15:16real
15:17friends i don't matter at all happy now julian who'd been ghosting me for two days claiming he was in
15:22meetings replied in seconds he at the other six guys and sent one thing a single question mark
15:29sorry sorry sorry it's just one bachelorette trip queen poppy says jump we don't just send julian all
15:36six of us drop everything and show up as bodyguards screw you claire's the one you actually answer to
15:43claire please so they had a wedding big deal julian still got that paperwork locked in his safe she's a
15:49wife in name only legally none of it counts last laugh still up for grabs i blinked staring at the
15:56group chat that was so much livelier without me in it if poppy hadn't left her tablet in julian's car
16:02i wouldn't have even earned a peek at all this fun and there i'd been naively reading travel guides
16:08hoping the honeymoon would make for great photos i stared at the empty itinerary for a long time
16:15then i went back to the home screen typed in a new destination and made a call
16:21mom i'll go to london with you on the other end my mother caught it immediately something was wrong
16:27back then she'd turned down a once in a lifetime job offer for my sake
16:32mom i know you have questions but right now i don't have the energy to explain everything that just
16:38happened i've made up my mind once i wrap up work and get my visa sorted i'll fly out then
16:44i'll tell
16:45you everything mom went quiet for a few seconds in the end she didn't push i hung up and collapsed
16:50onto the couch trying to steady myself julian's friends had a point we'd signed a prenup we'd had
16:55a wedding but he deliberately locked the marriage license the one we still had to file with city hall
16:59in his safe until it was legally binding i was just a wife who could be swapped out at any
17:04moment
17:04which right now meant i didn't have to wait for him to come home no divorce proceedings no drawn out
17:10fights over assets i pushed the wave of feeling back down and forced myself up to start packing
17:15in the closet the his and hers vacation outfits freshly pressed seemed to grin at me i'd designed
17:20them myself for the honeymoon for julian i'd pulled all-nighters revising them over and over the final
17:27pieces had just come in today half an hour ago i'd still been waiting for julian to come home and
17:32try
17:32them on now i just wanted to throw every single one of them in the trash by the time i'd
17:38packed
17:38and dragged my suitcase to the door it was the middle of the night julian say it come on you're
17:49my royal stallion giddy up yeah yeah through my stinging blurred vision i saw julian who hadn't been
17:56home in three days giving poppy a piggyback ride her face was flushed red one hand had his ear in
18:02a
18:02death grip the other was patting his head demanding he may poppy's drunk i didn't know why he was
18:12bothering to explain when he'd moved in with me and poppy bought the apartment directly above ours the
18:17very next day he hadn't explained when poppy had giggled in our doorway hanging off julian and purring
18:23sweetie i'll always be on top of you he hadn't explained then either all he ever said was claire
18:30you know what we are to each other they were childhood sweethearts after all two old money
18:35families joined at the hip everyone had watched them grow up for years they've been the golden
18:40couple in every photo until julian launched a three-year campaign chasing me in college to him
18:45that was proof enough that there was nothing between him and poppy once i tore myself apart over
18:49it i obsessed i picked fights but now whatever they did had nothing to do with me anymore i looked
18:55away all i said was yeah of course then i started to wheel my suitcase past him it was the
19:00answer he
19:01should have wanted he didn't take it well say that again i said we're done julian i'm breaking up with
19:11you
19:13you're really not done throwing this tantrum are you and by the way claire we had our wedding last
19:19week if you're throwing a fit the words divorce not breakup breakup divorce to julian they were the
19:28same kind of joke he looked at me lazily the way you humor a child who's being unreasonable i didn't
19:33bother arguing the corner of my mouth twitch call it whatever you want but i couldn't leave the standoff
19:39lasted only a few seconds i can't deal with you two anymore julian instinctively reached down to
19:54help her up she shoved him away don't touch me i'm done i'm done the second she sees me it's
20:00i want
20:00a breakup i'm leaving am i some kind of prop am i garbage why is she so disgusted by me
20:05julian
20:07let's cut each other off i am sick of walking on eggshells around her it's all my fault i shouldn't
20:15have ever shown up in your lives i shouldn't have grown up with you right on cue she launched into
20:21dramatic dry heaving baking that she couldn't breathe tearing through her her mess bag for
20:24something my pills where's my xanax i'm dying maybe i should just die anything's better than being
20:29treated like this every single time the heat at my wrist disappeared julian had already pulled her
20:34into his arms stopping her it took maybe a few seconds poppy was gasping wildly against his chest
20:42her eyes red happy now it was always like this the instant i showed even a hint of resistance poppy
20:52would declare an anxiety attack and start frantically hurting herself can't speak to her can't touch her
20:57can't even walk away in the early days julian had begged me to humor her claire you've been through
21:03it yourself you know how it is when she's like this all you can do is go along with her
21:07because
21:08lives were on the line i caved every time i avoided the storm but eventually i figured it out poppy's
21:14condition only flared up when julian wasn't choosing her over me that so-called anxiety disorder it was just
21:20possessedness in costume forcing him to pick a side i looked down at the smug little look on poppy's face
21:25i nodded sure very happy though you moved a little too fast you didn't get to find the pills your
21:34acting could use some work try harder next time a flash of shock crossed poppy's face she froze then
21:40started gearing up for round two his tall frame loomed over me suddenly my whole field of vision went dark
21:46the shoulder that used to shelter me was now carrying another woman carrying her while blocking
21:52my way out claire i really have been spoiling you too much she has every right to make you pay
22:01for
22:01that be grateful claire i'm the one holding her back for a moment the world went vacuum silence
22:08i couldn't hear a thing even poppy froze then she snapped out of it jerked her hand free and swung
22:14it
22:14hard at my face a second before her palm hit me julian caught her wrist those eyes the ones that
22:20used to watch over me through the night that used to pull me out of nightmares tonight they were cold
22:24as ice a flicker of disgust a warning you really thought you could just walk out on me if she'd
22:30actually hit you you'd be throwing a fit for days right she got hurt and you don't even care
22:38when you're ready to be reasonable you'll apologize to poppy yourself
22:42i stood there watching the floor numbers climb my whole body shaking cold so cold the kind that
22:48crept up from the bottom of you that no coat no matter how expensive could keep out five years
22:55five whole years my body could make a clean break my heart couldn't pull free that fast
23:01i don't know how long it took eventually i flagged down a cab and headed to a hotel near work
23:06until i left the country that's where i'd stay while i waited for my visa i had to close out
23:12the
23:12project i'd been leading for almost two years my personal life was already a wreck my career wasn't
23:20going to be i buried myself in overtime kept myself slammed partly to speed things up partly so i wouldn't
23:26have time to think as long as i was busy i couldn't dwell on anything else maybe it was the
23:31toll on my
23:32body and nerves lately i'd been constantly tired constantly nauseous my boss reminded me to pull it
23:37together the client was coming a sting in this afternoon to finalize the contract
23:42at the head of the table sat someone i knew julian in a sharp suit and beside him in a
23:49cinched waist
23:49backless cocktail dress sat poppy my nails dug into my palms before i could stop them
23:55my boss thought i had nerves and whispered relax the proposal and the designs have already been
24:00signed off by their project lead these two are just bored trust fund babies playing it being adults
24:03smile through it humor the rich kids and we're done just give them your usual pitch
24:09i drew a breath i forced on a smile i opened the deck and walked them through my design vision
24:13smooth
24:14composed point by point poppy propped her chin in her hand nodding along all smiles under the table
24:19my boss flashed me a discreet thumbs up i exhaled reading the room someone slid the contract across
24:25the table hmm it's not doing it for me the design's so boring it gives me a headache just looking
24:30at it
24:31i don't think i want a sign the smile froze on my boss's face i kept mine polite is there
24:38a specific
24:38element you're not happy with poppy didn't even glance at the contract she held up her hand admiring
24:44her fresh manicure hard to say it's more of a feeling then she hooked her arm through julian's what
24:50you think every eye in the room turned to him julian's eyes landed on me on instinct i looked
24:56away sounds like your project lead doesn't have much faith in her own work either i'm suddenly
25:00losing interest in this investment pulling out oh and just so you know i've already authorized my
25:08people to begin a hostile takeover of your company congratulations claire you'll be working for me very
25:14soon two years on this account a thousand discarded drafts i'd lost count of the nights i'd spent at my
25:19desk to get here we were finally about to land this was supposed to be the showcase project the
25:24perfect closing chapter on this stage of my career one careless sentence from him and it was all still
25:28born back at the office my boss came tearing in white as a shield shaking from head to toe he
25:36was
25:36practically sobbing claire he will destroy the whole firm please just go apologize it wasn't that i didn't
25:45want to save the project it was that i knew exactly who poppy was actually here for the only way
25:52this
25:53project survived was if i disappeared i just hadn't expected the one thing tying me to this city would
26:00get torn apart this fast the wave of nauseous hit again i stumbled out of the office julian still here
26:08his hand started wandering somewhere it had no business going i bit down on him with everything i had
26:13the taste of blood bloomed thick between our mouths get out julian stood there his expression unreadable
26:27claire after all this time why haven't you learned i tried to twist away the harder i fought the tighter
26:33he held me if you just apologized for what happened last time none of this would be happening today
26:45how hard is it to lower your head just once julian's voice was softer than any sweet nothing he'd ever
26:52whispered in my ear but i was shaking anyway not from the cold from a cramp tearing through my stomach
26:58an eerie
26:59sinking dragging down feeling something was rushing out of me a ridiculous thought surfaced in my mind
27:07i tried to look down julian's grip on my chin held me in place all i could do was bite
27:13my lip and hold on
27:15something warm slipped down my thigh dripping onto the carpet julian noticed
27:28claire you
27:34before our honeymoon to the amalfi coast my husband julian cancelled our flight behind my back
27:40he swapped them for tickets to ibiza with his childhood best friend poppy even his pack of party boy friends
27:47thought he'd gone too far and tried to talk him down
27:54the fuck julian this is messed up claire's been looking forward to it forever julian didn't care
28:00he brushed them off without a second thought it's poppy's birthday wish one more single girl trip with
28:06her before i'm locked down for good claire always blows everything out of proportion this will be good
28:10for her reminder she's not the center of the universe the poppy he was talking about was his
28:15weepy childhood playmate and i was claire the wife he couldn't even bother to say my wife about
28:20i didn't fight i didn't argue i pretended i had no idea quietly canceled the honeymoon and bought a
28:26one-way ticket to another country on the other side of the ocean my phone was lagging the cancellation
28:31screen kept spinning meanwhile on poppy's pink tablet an imessage group chat called astor's royal
28:37guard wouldn't stop lighting up i tapped it open poppy's avatar filled the screen what the hell is
28:42wrong with you assholes every single one of you is taking claire's side like she's your bro not
28:48me fine you're right it's all my fault i'm just a bitch i shouldn't have a birthday i definitely
28:55shouldn't have wished for julian to come with me i should be like the rest of you kissing queen
29:00claire's ass you're her real friends i don't matter at all happy now julian who'd been ghosting me for
29:06two days claiming he was in meetings replied in seconds he at the other six guys and sent one
29:10thing a single question mark sorry sorry sorry it's just one bachelorette trip queen poppy says
29:19jump we don't just send julian all six of us drop everything and show up as bodyguards
29:25screw you claire's the one you actually answered to claire please so they had a wedding big deal
29:31julian still got that paperwork locked in his safe she's a wife in name only legally none of it
29:37counts last laughs still up for grabs i blinked staring at the group chat that was so much livelier
29:42without me in it if poppy hadn't left her tablet in julian's car i wouldn't have even earned a peek
29:48at
29:48all this fun and there i'd been naively reading travel guides hoping the honeymoon would make for great
29:55photos i stared at the empty itinerary for a long time then i went back to the home screen typed
30:02in
30:02a new destination and made a call mom i'll go to london with you on the other end my mother
30:10caught it
30:10immediately something was wrong back then she'd turned down a once in a lifetime job offer for my
30:15sake mom i know you have questions but right now i don't have the energy to explain everything that just
30:23happened i've made up my mind once i wrap up work and get my visa sorted i'll fly out then
30:29i'll tell
30:29you everything mom went quiet for a few seconds in the end she didn't push i hung up and collapsed
30:35onto the couch trying to steady myself julian's friends had a point we'd signed a prenup we'd had
30:40a wedding but he deliberately locked the marriage license the one we still had to file with city hall
30:44in his safe until it was legally binding i was just a wife who could be swapped out at any
30:49moment
30:49which right now meant i didn't have to wait for him to come home no divorce proceedings no drawn out
30:54fights over assets i pushed the wave of feeling back down and forced myself up to start packing
31:00in the closet the his and hers vacation outfits freshly pressed seemed to grin at me i'd designed
31:05them myself for the honeymoon for julian i'd pulled all-nighters revising them over and over the final
31:11pieces had just come in today half an hour ago i'd still been waiting for julian to come home and
31:17try
31:17them on now i just wanted to throw every single one of them in the trash by the time i'd
31:23packed
31:23and dragged my suitcase to the door it was the middle of the night julian say it come on you're
31:34my royal stallion giddy up yeah yeah through my stinging blurred vision i saw julian who hadn't been
31:41home in three days giving poppy a piggyback ride her face was flushed red one hand had his ear in
31:47a
31:47death grip the other was patting his head demanding he may poppy's drunk i didn't know why he was
31:57bothering to explain when he'd moved in with me and poppy bought the apartment directly above ours the
32:02very next day he hadn't explained when poppy had giggled in our doorway hanging off julian and purring
32:08sweetie i'll always be on top of you he hadn't explained then either all he ever said was claire
32:15you know what we are to each other they were childhood sweethearts after all two old money
32:20families joined at the hip everyone had watched them grow up for years they've been the golden
32:25couple in every photo until julian launched a three-year campaign chasing me in college to him
32:29that was proof enough that there was nothing between him and poppy once i tore myself apart over
32:34it i obsessed i picked fights but now whatever they did had nothing to do with me anymore i looked
32:40away all i said was yeah of course then i started to wheel my suitcase past him it was the
32:45answer he
32:46should have wanted he didn't take it well say that again i said we're done julian i'm breaking up with
32:56you
32:58you're really not done throwing this tantrum are you and by the way claire we had our wedding last
33:04week if you're throwing a fit the words divorce not breakup breakup divorce to julian they were the
33:13same kind of joke he looked at me lazily the way you humor a child who's being unreasonable i didn't
33:18bother arguing the corner of my mouth twitched call it whatever you want but i couldn't leave the
33:23standoff lasted only a few seconds
33:30enough i can't deal with you two anymore
33:37julian instinctively reached down to help her up she shoved him away don't touch me i'm done i'm done
33:43the second she sees me it's i want to break up i'm leaving am i some kind of prop am
33:48i garbage why is
33:49she so disgusted by me julian let's cut each other off i am sick of walking on eggshells around her
33:58it's all my fault i shouldn't have ever shown up in your lives i shouldn't have grown up with you
34:04right on cue she launched into dramatic dry heaving baking that she couldn't breathe tearing
34:08through her her mess bag for something my pills where's my xanax i'm dying maybe i should just die
34:13anything's better than being treated like this every single time the heat at my wrist disappeared
34:17julian had already pulled her into his arms stopping her it took maybe a few seconds
34:24poppy was gasping wildly against his chest her eyes red
34:30happy now it was always like this the instant i showed even a hint of resistance poppy would declare
34:37an anxiety attack and start frantically hurting herself can't speak to her can't touch her can't
34:43even walk away in the early days julian had begged me to humor her claire you've been through it
34:48yourself you know how it is when she's like this all you can do is go along with her because
34:52lives
34:53were on the line i caved every time i avoided the storm but eventually i figured it out poppy's
34:59condition only flared up when julian wasn't choosing her over me that so-called anxiety disorder
35:04it was just possessedness in costume forcing him to pick a side i looked down at the smug little
35:09look on poppy's face i nodded sure very happy though you moved a little too fast you didn't
35:17get to find the pills your acting could use some work try harder next time a flash of shock crossed
35:23poppy's face she froze then started gearing up for round two his tall frame loomed over me suddenly my
35:29whole field of vision went dark the shoulder that used to shelter me was now carrying another woman
35:35carrying her while blocking my way out claire i really have been spoiling you too much
35:44she has every right to make you pay for that be grateful claire i'm the one holding her back
35:49for a moment the world went vacuum silence i couldn't hear a thing even poppy froze then she snapped out
35:57of
35:57it jerked her hand free and swung it hard at my face a second before her palm hit me julian
36:02caught
36:02her wrist those eyes the ones that used to watch over me through the night that used to pull me
36:07out
36:07of nightmares tonight they were cold as ice a flicker of disgust a warning you really thought you could
36:12just walk out on me if she'd actually hit you you'd be throwing a fit for days right she got
36:18hurt and you
36:19don't even care when you're ready to be reasonable you'll apologize to poppy yourself i stood there
36:28watching the floor numbers climb my whole body shaking cold so cold the kind that crept up from
36:34the bottom of you that no coat no matter how expensive could keep out five years five whole years
36:41my body could make a clean break my heart couldn't pull free that fast
36:46i don't know how long it took eventually i flagged down a cab and headed to a hotel near work
36:51until i left the country that's where i'd stay while i waited for my visa i had to close out
36:57the
36:57project i'd been leading for almost two years my personal life was already a wreck my career wasn't
37:04going to be i buried myself in overtime kept myself slammed partly to speed things up partly so i wouldn't
37:11have time to think as long as i was busy i couldn't dwell on anything else maybe it was the
37:16toll on my
37:16body and nerves lately i'd been constantly tired constantly nauseous my boss reminded me to pull it
37:22together the client was coming a sting in this afternoon to finalize the contract at the head of
37:28the table sat someone i knew julian in a sharp suit and beside him in a cinched waist backless cocktail
37:35dress sat poppy my nails dug into my palms before i could stop them my boss thought i had nerves
37:41and
37:42whispered relax the proposal and the designs have already been signed off by their project lead these
37:46two are just bored trust fund wabies playing it being adults smile through it humor the rich kids
37:50and we're done just give them your usual pitch i drew a breath i forced on a smile i opened
37:56the deck
37:57and walked them through my design vision smooth composed point by point poppy propped her chin in her hand
38:02nodding along all smiles under the table my boss flashed me a discreet thumbs up i exhaled reading
38:08the room someone slid the contract across the table it's not doing it for me the design's so boring it
38:14gives me a headache just looking at it i don't think i want a sign the smile froze on my
38:19boss's face
38:20i kept mine polite is there a specific element you're not happy with poppy didn't even glance at the
38:26contract she held up her hand admiring her fresh manicure hard to say it's more of a feeling then
38:33she hooked her arm through julian's what do you think every eye in the room turned to him julian's
38:38eyes landed on me on instinct i looked away sounds like your project lead doesn't have much faith in
38:43her own work either i'm suddenly losing interest in this investment pulling out oh and just so you know
38:51i've already authorized my people to begin a hostile takeover of your company congratulations
38:56claire you'll be working for me very soon two years on this account a thousand discarded drafts i'd
39:03lost count of the nights i'd spent at my desk to get here we were finally about to land this
39:07was
39:07supposed to be the showcase project the perfect closing chapter on this stage of my career one
39:11careless sentence from him and it was all stillborn back at the office my boss came tearing in white as
39:17a
39:17shield shaking from head to toe he was practically sobbing claire he will destroy the whole firm please
39:25just go apologize it wasn't that i didn't want to save the project it was that i knew exactly who
39:34poppy was actually here for the only way this project survived was if i disappeared
39:42i just hadn't expected the one thing tying me to this city would get torn apart this fast
39:46the wave of nauseous hit again i stumbled out of the office julian still here his hands started
39:54wandering somewhere it had no business going i bit down on him with everything i had the taste of
39:59blood bloomed thick between our mouths get out julian stood there his expression unreadable
40:12claire after all this time why haven't you learned i tried to twist away the harder i fought the tighter
40:18he
40:18held me if you just apologized for what happened last time none of this would be happening today
40:30how hard is it to lower your head just once julian's voice was softer than any sweet nothing he'd ever
40:36whispered in my ear but i was shaking anyway not from the cold from a cramp tearing through my stomach
40:43an eerie sinking dragging down feeling something was rushing out of me a ridiculous thought
40:50surfaced in my mind i tried to look down julian's grip on my chin held me in place
40:57all i could do was bite my lip and hold on something warm slipped down my thigh dripping onto the
41:04carpet julian
41:11noticed claire you