00:00A group of UCLA scientists just launched an OnlyFans. One reports say have been flagged
00:05because the lead researcher's ID didn't match the face of a yellow-bellied marmot. Today we're
00:09breaking down the wildest funding collapse in scientific history and how we got to a point
00:13where even rodents have to start a hustle page just to keep the lab open. Welcome to OnlyMarms,
00:19where 65 years of climate data now depends on virtual tip jars. But this isn't a PR stunt,
00:25it's pure desperation. To understand how a tenured UCLA professor ended up pitching ground
00:30squirrels on a subscription platform, you have to understand the slow, quiet death of scientific
00:35funding. For decades, the backbone of American research relied on a very specific agreement.
00:41Scientists submitted detailed proposals, panels of their scientific peers evaluated them based
00:45strictly on merit, and federal agencies like the NSF or NIH awarded the funding. It was a rigorous,
00:51competitive system, but it was built on a foundation of institutional support. Except the
00:55system is effectively dead. Over the last few years, federal research grants have faced brutal cuts,
01:01university budgets have frozen, and funding approval rates have plummeted. A shift experts warn
01:06is actively undermining America's capacity to conduct groundbreaking research. And now we're
01:11talking about one of the oldest continuous mammal studies on Earth, turning to the attention economy
01:16in order to keep running. Not because the science isn't valuable, or because the traditional money
01:21just dried up. Instead, reports are saying it's actively getting wiped out. According to court
01:26documents filed by University of California researchers, federal agencies didn't evaluate
01:30these grants line by line. Instead, they ran broad keyword lists to instantly cut billions in research
01:36funding. The National Science Foundation alone pulled hundreds of search terms, flagging words like
01:41climate change, environmental justice, and institutional. Lawyers for UC researchers argue
01:47this approach violated the Constitution by targeting political disfavored science, penalizing blue states,
01:52and ignoring spending mandates set by Congress. Which brings us right back to UCLA's 65-year climate
01:58and wildlife data set. And as federal agencies used automated keyword sweeps to slash billions in
02:03university research, Professor Blumstein saw traditional grants drying up across the board. And once
02:09Blumstein realized the old system was failing, he didn't just write another proposal. He opened an
02:14OnlyFans dashboard with the support of one of his graduate students, telling potential fans everything
02:19will remain G-rated. Because in 2026, when you need direct-to-consumer cash, you don't write a grant.
02:26You enter the gig economy. And Blumstein's team isn't the only one taking notes. Just this month,
02:32Paramount launched an official OnlyFans page for Ghostface to promote the new scary movie release,
02:36with original star Carmen Electra reportedly directing the launch video. Signaling the line
02:41between serious institution and viral side hustle didn't just blur, it completely dissolved. And think
02:47about that contrast. While Paramount creates a simple viral social media stunt using Ghostface
02:52on OnlyFans for easy shock value buzz to promote a movie, a team of tenured UCLA biologists is on the
02:59exact same platform, unironically using subscriber tips to keep a 65-year climate data set from going
03:05extinct. And on paper, direct-to-consumer funding sounds like a modern democratic fix. Because if
03:11the government won't fund your lab, let the internet step in. But in practice, the numbers
03:16expose the brutal reality of relying on viral algorithms for survival. As researcher Emily
03:21Rinke told LifeScience, a month after launching OnlyMarms, they hit around 735 page visits and 44 fans.
03:29And if you're wondering how much cash 44 fans actually generates, as Professor Bloomstein pointed out,
03:35not much. Because they aren't charging for subscriptions, they're giving content away for free
03:40and begging for virtual tips. And even when the tips do come in, OnlyFans takes a 20% platform cut
03:46right off the top, leaving Bloomstein to pay income taxes on whatever tiny balance remains.
03:51And here's the real track. Real science takes years of quiet, pain-stalking research, and sometimes
03:57failure, in order to work. The exact opposite of what the internet rewards. And at the end of the
04:04day, OnlyMarms isn't just a hilarious story about ground squirrels on OnlyFans. Because 65 years of
04:09irreplaceable climate data shouldn't be relying on virtual tip jars. So is direct-to-consumer funding
04:15a clever survival tactic for a broken system? Or are we watching the death of serious research in real time?
04:20oral crime?
04:20//
