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00:16The next day, I heard him tell his bandmates I was only practice, a test run before Sienna
00:23Blake.
00:25Then, that same night, he stood under the spotlight and sang my unfinished love song to her, the
00:30song I wrote about him.
00:32The crowd screamed, Sienna livestreamed it, and Lennox kissed her before the last corn
00:37had even died.
00:40That was the moment I stopped being his shadow.
00:43Before midnight, I changed my college plan from New York to California, then I locked
00:47away every song I ever wrote for him.
00:50Lennox Hale made me invisible, so I vanished.
00:55It was the last night of senior year.
00:57Lennox pulled me onto the couch, the leather was cracked and sticky.
01:00He wasn't gentle, he was fast and rough and it hurt more than I expected.
01:04But I didn't care, I was so happy I could barely breathe.
01:08Lennox Hale was holding me.
01:09Lennox Hale chose me.
01:10When it was over, he zipped up and checked his phone.
01:19I lay there for a long time, the leather was cold where he'd been, my back was sore, something
01:26sticky was drying on my thigh and there was nothing to clean up with.
01:29No tissue, no towel.
01:31But I was smiling, because I thought that was love.
01:34The next day, I went back for my charger.
01:36The band room door was half open.
01:38Just using Willie as practice.
01:41Just using Willie as practice.
01:42Dude, she writes your songs, edits your videos, runs your socials, and sleeps with you?
01:47Wait, wasn't she a virgin?
01:49Jesus Hale.
01:50It just happened, alright?
01:51She wanted it.
01:51She's been following you around since middle school.
01:53Of course she wanted it.
01:54Honestly surprised it took this long.
01:55So what now?
01:56You gonna date her?
01:56Wola?
01:57Come on, you know how she is.
01:58She'll write one sad song, avoid me for two days, then come back.
02:00Guys who sat beside me at rehearsal every week.
02:02Guys who had been singing words I wrote for three years.
02:05What about Sienna?
02:07Sienna's different.
02:07Sienna Blake the influencer?
02:09Bro, she has like 200,000 followers.
02:11Exactly.
02:11I can't show up to that looking cluneless.
02:13So Willa was what, practice?
02:14Don't make it sound ugly.
02:16She'll be fine, she always is.
02:18I stood frozen in the hallway.
02:20I was practice.
02:21Six years of writing his songs, editing his videos,
02:24loving him in the quietest, most devoted way I knew how,
02:26and I was the warm up before the girl he actually wanted.
02:28I ran.
02:29I don't remember which direction.
02:30I only remember the bathroom stall door slamming behind me and the lock clicking into place.
02:37Got band stuff tonight.
02:39Grab a plan B on your own.
02:40Can't make it today.
02:41Be good.
02:42He promised he'd go with me.
02:44He promised last night while he was still inside me.
02:48I walked into the pharmacy with my head down.
02:51I grabbed the plan B.
02:54In front of me, a woman was buying diapers.
02:57I still hid the bag like a crime.
03:03At home, I swallowed the pill with tap water over the kitchen sink.
03:12His gigs, his songs, his city, his future.
03:18I didn't know what my life looked like without him in the center of it.
03:22But I was going to have to learn.
03:25Why aren't you at the party?
03:26Lennox is here.
03:27And Sienna showed up.
03:28She's all over him.
03:30Show me.
03:34Sienna Blake was pressed against him.
03:36And Lennox was smiling.
03:38That lazy, tilted smile I used to think belonged to me.
03:41They looked like they had been touching all night.
03:47Then the stage lights kicked on.
03:50And there was Lennox, center stage, alone.
03:54He made every girl in school lose her mind.
03:58That was my song.
04:00An unfinished demo I'd played for him in his bedroom two weeks ago.
04:03I hadn't even written the bridge yet.
04:05Every word was about him.
04:07Every line was a confession I was too scared to say out loud.
04:11He was singing it to Sienna.
04:14She glowing like she was the girl the song had been written for.
04:21My song was still hanging in the air when his mouth was on hers.
04:24I'm not showing you this to hurt you.
04:26But if you don't see it yourself, you'll never let go.
04:30I'm going to California with you, Mara.
04:33I opened my laptop.
04:35Deadline was midnight.
04:36For three years, my early decision application had been aimed at New York.
04:39Lennox's dream school, his city, his future.
04:41He'd study music performance.
04:43I'd be right there beside him.
04:44I deleted New York.
04:45He's going east.
04:46So I'll go as far west as I can.
04:49I logged into the band's social media accounts.
04:51Every video shot and edited by me.
04:52Every caption written by me.
04:54Every comment replied to by me.
04:55I didn't delete anything.
04:56Instead, I revoked my own admin access.
04:58Pulled every unpublished draft.
04:59Locked away every demo.
05:00The band account was still there.
05:02But there'd be no trace of me left in it.
05:04And I didn't care if anyone picked it up or not.
05:06And Mara, don't tell anyone.
05:08Not yet.
05:09Application submitted.
05:11Access revoked.
05:13Both reversible.
05:14And Lennox didn't know about either.
05:17That night, I filled the bathtub to the brim.
05:21When I undressed, the marks were still there.
05:24Now they just looked like proof that I had been stupid.
05:27I scrubbed until my skin turned raw.
05:30It didn't help.
05:31And the worst part was, I could still remember how good it felt when he touched me.
05:34His breath against my ear.
05:36His weight over me.
05:38Willa.
05:38His voice saying my name like I was the only girl in the world.
05:41But I wasn't.
05:43No goodnight text from Lennon.
05:45Six years.
05:46We had never missed a single night.
05:47Even when we fought.
05:49Even when he was busy.
05:50Even when I fell asleep first and woke up to three messages from him.
05:54Tonight, nothing.
05:55That hurt more than I wanted it to.
05:56So this was withdrawal.
05:58I hated him.
06:00Every time I closed my eyes, I was back on that couch.
06:02Every time I opened them, I was back in that hallway.
06:04Hearing him laugh.
06:05She was just practice.
06:07I finally fell asleep right before dawn.
06:09Then, in the thin blue light between sleep and waking, I felt lips press softly against my forehead.
06:15Then, in the thin blue light between sleep and waking, I felt lips press softly against my forehead.
06:21I forgot.
06:22He's always known my door code.
06:24Morning sleepy-haired.
06:26What, shy now?
06:27After the other night?
06:28You didn't say goodnight.
06:29You turned off your phone.
06:31My mom had to tell me you were home because you wouldn't pick up.
06:33What the hell, Willa?
06:34Calls?
06:35I blocked your number 12 hours ago.
06:36Dun dun dun.
06:38Ran three miles this morning to pick these up.
06:40Your blueberry pancakes.
06:41From our place.
06:42You want to eat first or get eaten first?
06:46For one awful second, my body remembered him before my brain did.
06:51Then, I remembered what he called me.
06:55Full service.
06:56That's what they called me.
06:57Then, I remembered sophomore self-defense class and drove my knee up as hard as I could.
07:02Lennox made a sound I'd never heard him make before.
07:05He doubled over and I scrambled off the bed, bolting for the living room.
07:08He came limping out, half-bent and furious.
07:10What the hell, Willa?
07:12Eat first.
07:13Throw your tantrum later.
07:14Your stomach can't handle skipping meals and you know it.
07:17The coffee tipped over.
07:18Brown liquid spread across the counter, dripping onto the floor.
07:20Why is half the band account empty?
07:23All the drafts are gone.
07:24What did you do?
07:25I didn't answer.
07:26Seriously, Willa?
07:27We hooked up one time and you're acting like I owe you my whole life?
07:29Do you know how suffocating that is?
07:31The tears came before I could stop them.
07:33Lennox panicked.
07:34He rushed toward me, tried to cut my face.
07:36I flinched away.
07:37Okay, okay, stop crying.
07:38Whatever this is about, can we just talk about it?
07:40You're being crazy right now.
07:41His phone pinged.
07:42One glance at the screen and his entire demeanor changed.
07:45I gotta go.
07:46Cool off on your own.
07:47You're going to college now.
07:48Stop acting like a kid.
07:49The door closed behind him.
07:51Within 30 minutes, Mara sent me a screenshot.
07:54Sienna Blake's Instagram story posted nine minutes ago.
07:57A photo of blueberry pancakes.
07:59Same packaging, same bag, same place.
08:01He said I was hungry and breakfast magically appeared when he tucks like bed.
08:05He sang me a song he wrote and then breakfast her bed.
08:07I must be dreaming.
08:09So I lifted up the entire carpet and tossed it into the trash can.
08:14It was an Aspen souvenir from the Hales.
08:16Last Christmas, Lennox carried it through my door himself, grinning.
08:20Thought of you the second I saw it.
08:23Sure you did.
08:24Then I started cleaning for real.
08:26Not the carpet.
08:27Him.
08:27Every gift.
08:28Every hoodie he'd left at my place.
08:30Every matching keychain.
08:31Every sticky note from late night study sessions.
08:33When the apartment was empty of him, I picked up my phone and started pressing block.
08:37One account at a time.
08:39Instagram.
08:40Blocked.
08:41Snapchat.
08:41Blocked.
08:42iMessage.
08:43Blocked.
08:44I changed my door code.
08:45I called mom.
08:47She was in Dallas on a work trip.
08:48Dad was with her.
08:49I want to spend the summer in London with Aunt Claire.
08:51London?
08:52That's sudden, sweetie.
08:53Are you and Lennox going together?
08:54How romantic.
08:56No, mom.
08:57Just me.
08:57Can dad book me a flight?
08:59The earliest one possible.
09:00The plan was clean.
09:01Summer in London.
09:02When August came, fly straight to California for orientation.
09:04No Lennox.
09:05No band.
09:05No chance to change my mind.
09:06Mom didn't ask questions.
09:08She could hear something in my voice.
09:09Dad called back 20 minutes later with a red eye booked for tonight.
09:12I was dragging my suitcase out the front door when Mrs. Hale appeared on her porch.
09:15Lennox's mom.
09:15Sweet, clueless, perpetually convinced that I was her future daughter-in-law.
09:18Sweetie!
09:19Aren't you two going to Aspen together?
09:20Lennox has been planning it for weeks.
09:22Change of plans, Mrs. Hale.
09:24Have a great summer.
09:24At the airport, I was scanning the departure board when I saw him.
09:29At the airport, I was scanning the departure board when I saw him.
09:33Sienna tilted her head up to say something.
09:35Lennox bent down to listen.
09:36He never met me halfway.
09:38I was 5'4".
09:39He was 6'2".
09:40The height gap was a running joke between our families.
09:42But for Sienna, he bent.
09:44There was only one path to the gates.
09:45I trailed behind them at a distance, praying he wouldn't turn around.
09:48He didn't.
09:49He was too busy being the version of himself I'd always wanted.
09:52Attentive.
09:52Gentle.
09:53Present.
09:54Just not with me.
09:55He stopped.
09:55Pulled out his phone.
09:56Dialed.
09:57His brow frowled.
09:58Call wouldn't go through.
09:59Of course not.
10:00I'd blocked every number I had for him.
10:02He borrowed a friend's phone.
10:04Mine rang.
10:05Unknown number.
10:06I answered before I could stop myself.
10:08You blocked me?
10:08Real mature, Willa.
10:09I'm flying out, probably won't have signal.
10:11Don't cry about it.
10:11And have fun figuring out New York on your own.
10:13See how long you last without me.
10:14I said nothing.
10:15Powered off.
10:16And I stood there, watching from 30 feet away as Lennox Hale took Sienna Blake's hand
10:19and turned left toward gate B.
10:22I turned right.
10:23Toward gate D.
10:24Two backs.
10:25Moving apart.
10:26Getting smaller.
10:27Six years.
10:28Ending at a fork in an airport corridor.
10:30London was supposed to fix me.
10:31Aunt Claire kept me busy.
10:33Museums, markets, long walks along the Thames.
10:35I helped Nan reorganize her entire garden.
10:37I ate fish and trids until I never wanted to see another piece of battered cod.
10:40I didn't add him back on anything.
10:41But my friends weren't as disciplined.
10:43Every few days, someone forwarded me one of his posts.
10:45Lennox in Aspen.
10:46Lennox on a lift.
10:47Lennox at a rooftop party.
10:48And in every single photo.
10:49Sienna.
10:50Pressed against the exact space that used to be mine.
10:52At 2am when the 8 got bad, I'd scold myself in the mirror.
10:54Don't be pathetic, Willa.
10:56He'll only respect you even less if you crawl back.
10:58Three weeks in, I started making things again.
11:00Not for the band.
11:01For me.
11:01I cut together a short piece from footage I'd shot around London.
11:04Golden hour on Tower Bridge.
11:06Rain on cobblestones.
11:07Nan laughing in her garden.
11:09Scored it with a melody I'd been sitting on for months.
11:11And I quietly uploaded it to the incoming freshman forum for my California school's music collective.
11:16No expectations.
11:17I just needed to make something that belonged to me.
11:19Within a day, someone commented.
11:21Your audio mix is muddy.
11:22Especially the low end around 1.20.
11:24You're clipping on the left channel.
11:26I stared at the screen.
11:27Irritation.
11:28Flaring out of nowhere.
11:29I didn't know this person.
11:30I typed back, thanks for the feedback.
11:32Next time maybe try saying hi first.
11:34Hi.
11:34Your mix is still muddy.
11:36One month of silence from the boy I loved.
11:37And somehow, a stranger 6,000 miles away just made me feel something other than sad.
11:41I fixed the mix.
11:43Spent 2 hours re-EQ the low end.
11:45Adjusting levels.
11:46Cleaning up the clipping.
11:48Happy now?
11:50Better.
11:51The reverb on the bridge is actually good.
11:53Did you do that intentionally or did you stumble into it?
11:56I saw red.
11:57Intentionally.
11:58Not everyone needs to be told what to do.
12:00He didn't respond.
12:01But the next day, I noticed he'd followed my account.
12:03I did not follow back.
12:05On principle.
12:05For two days, I had the most peace I'd felt in weeks.
12:08Then my phone rang.
12:09Unknown international number.
12:12So you just ditch everyone and fly to London?
12:14The silent treatment doesn't work on me, Willa.
12:15Come home.
12:16My mom keeps asking about you, by the way.
12:17She won't shut up about it.
12:18Is that Willa?
12:19Give me the phone.
12:20Willa, sweetheart.
12:21How's London?
12:21Are you eating enough?
12:23Oh, and congratulations to Lennox.
12:24He got his acceptance letter.
12:26New York, just like you wanted.
12:27Yours must be on his way, too.
12:28Mine already had.
12:29Mom video called me that evening.
12:31She held up the envelope with shaking hands, tore it open, read the school name, and went silent.
12:36You hate bugs.
12:37California has bugs the size of your fist, and you're gonna FaceTime me at 3am screaming.
12:41It wasn't New York.
12:42Sweetheart, is this because of Lennox?
12:44He has a girlfriend.
12:45I need my own life.
12:47And please, don't tell anyone, especially not the Halls.
12:50We won't say a word, but you're coming home before school starts.
12:53Your mom wants to cry on you in person.
12:55The remaining weeks in London passed quickly.
12:57I finished two more short pieces for the Music Collective Forum.
13:00O'Wells commented on both.
13:01His feedback got marginally less hostile.
13:03Your EQ is improving.
13:04Coming from him, that was probably the closest thing to approval.
13:09I still didn't follow him back, but I checked his profile more than I admit.
13:13No selfies.
13:14No parties.
13:15No personal posts.
13:17Just audio files, lab notes, and one photo of a whiteboard covered in equations.
13:21Mom and Dad picked me up at the airport.
13:23They were dressed up.
13:24Dad in a sport coat.
13:25Mom in her nice earrings.
13:26Why are you guys so fancy?
13:27Sweetie, it's Lennox graduation party.
13:29We came straight here.
13:30What?
13:30The Hal's invited us months ago.
13:32We can't not go.
13:33They're our neighbors.
13:33I'm sorry.
13:34It'll be quick.
13:35I looked up, and there was Lennox Hale standing by the fountain in a tailored navy suit.
13:39The boyishness was gone.
13:41He looked like the man I used to imagine he'd become.
13:43My heart forgot it was supposed to be over him.
13:46He looked good, and I hated that it still mattered.
13:49Then Sienna appeared.
13:50Graduation party content coming soon.
13:52She was stunning.
13:54And even at someone else's celebration, she was working.
13:56She slipped her arm through Lennox's and came over smiling, like I was the guest.
14:00Willa!
14:01So great to finally meet you properly.
14:02I've always seen you around Lennox, but we never got the chance to actually talk.
14:05I'm not the main character tonight.
14:07Sienna pulled Lennon away to greet other guests.
14:10Full hostess mode.
14:11Waving, posing, making sure her phone caught every angle.
14:15Lennon went along with it.
14:16He glanced back at me once.
14:18I couldn't read his expression.
14:20I lasted 45 minutes of small talk with relatives kept asking about New York before I needed air.
14:25I slipped out to the terrace.
14:26The night was warm, and the city glittered below, and for a second, I felt almost okay.
14:30Then Lennox's voice floated through the cracked hallway door.
14:33He was talking to his friends.
14:35And I was in exactly the wrong place, at exactly the wrong time.
14:38Again.
14:39So Willa showed up, thought she ghosted you for real.
14:42I knew that sound.
14:43The dismissive little huff he made when he wanted to seem unbothered.
14:47She's throwing a tantrum.
14:47She always gets over it.
14:48We go back 10 years, she can't actually cut me off.
14:50So what's the plan?
14:51You gonna make her your girlfriend, or what?
14:53Lennon went quiet for a moment.
14:55Will's great.
14:56She really is.
14:57She knows me better than anyone.
14:58She gets my music.
14:59My family loves her.
15:00She'll probably follow me anywhere if I ask.
15:04But I'm 19, man.
15:05I'm going to New York.
15:05I've got the band.
15:06I've got options.
15:07And Willa?
15:08Will doesn't matter.
15:09She's the girl you come back to when you're done being stupid.
15:12She knows that.
15:12You're an asshole, you know that?
15:14Lennon didn't deny it.
15:15Yeah, but she'll still leave the light on.
15:17The night air hit my face.
15:19I stood on that terrace with my hands on the railing and my eyes burning,
15:22and I hated myself so much it was hard to breathe.
15:24Not because of him.
15:25Because some stupid part of me had still waited for him to choose me.
15:28She always leaves the light on.
15:30He was right.
15:31I always had.
15:32But not anymore.
15:32I walked back inside, straight to the dinner table.
15:35I've got the matching bedding sets for New York.
15:36Winter coats too, the thick ones.
15:38They'll need them when they move in together.
15:39And a humidifier.
15:40Because Lennox says New York winters destroy your skin.
15:42Oh, and I found these adorable matching parkas, his and hers.
15:45My mom's smile was frozen solid.
15:47She knew.
15:48Dad knew.
15:49None of these things would be useful in California.
15:51But the Hales didn't know, because I'd made my parents promise.
15:54Sienna was across the table, scrolling her phone, half listening.
15:57Then she looked up with that sweet, camera-ready smile.
15:59Oh, but Willa isn't going to New York, is she?
16:01The table went still.
16:02Her name was on the California honor roll list at school.
16:03I saw set it with a sweet little smile.
16:05Every head turned to me.
16:06Lennox.
16:07Mrs.
16:07Mr.
16:07Hale.
16:08Mrs. Hale.
16:08My parents.
16:09California?
16:11But the bedding, the park-
16:12Mrs. Hale's face crumpled.
16:14Lennox grabbed my wrist under the table.
16:15Hard.
16:16You filed the same school and let me watch you do it.
16:17I changed it, Lennox.
16:18After you showed me exactly how much I meant to you.
16:20My wrist hurt.
16:21I yanked it free.
16:22Yes.
16:23California.
16:23Deal with it.
16:24He snatched my phone off the table, found the acceptance letter screenshot,
16:27and zoomed in.
16:27Like if he stared hard enough, the words would rearrange themselves.
16:30Then he laughed.
16:31That hollow, disbelievable laugh that meant he was furious and had no idea how to process it.
16:34And before anyone could speak, he grabbed my arm and hauled me out of my chair,
16:36out of the dining room, down the hallway.
16:38People were calling after us.
16:39He didn't stop.
16:39He shoved open a door to some kind of hotel lounge, pushed me inside, and slammed it shut behind us.
16:43Then he stood in front of it, blocking the only exit.
16:45His chest was heaving.
16:46Suit jacket, a sew-y tie loosened, eyes blazing.
16:49He looked like a different person from the polished golden boy at the fountain an hour ago.
16:52You threw away everything.
16:53His voice cracked on the last word.
16:54You threw away everything.
16:55His voice cracked on the last word.
16:57Our plan, our promise.
16:58Three years of working toward the same thing and you just trashed it?
17:00For what?
17:00My hands were shaking.
17:01My whole body was shaking.
17:02But I didn't step back.
17:03Not this time.
17:03Your plan.
17:04It was always your plan, Lennox.
17:05Your school, your dream, your city.
17:07I just tagged along because I didn't know who I was without you.
17:09For the first time in six years, Lennox Hale had absolutely nothing to say.
17:12But I did.
17:13I wasn't finished.
17:14You don't like me, Lennox.
17:16You like having someone who follows you everywhere and never asks for anything back?
17:19Someone who writes your songs and runs your accounts and shows up at every
17:22single thing you do and never not once asks to be seen.
17:24And be honest with yourself.
17:26I stepped forward.
17:27He actually stepped back.
17:28Are you mad about the plan or are you mad that you lost your backup?
17:30His face drained of color.
17:32He opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again.
17:33Nothing came out.
17:34Because I was right that I'd changed my school.
17:36He wasn't angry that the girl who was supposed to wait forever had stopped waiting.
17:39My voice was shaking, but I kept talking.
17:42You watched me throw myself at you since I was 12 years old and you thought it was cute.
17:45You thought it was convenient.
17:46His eyes turned red at the rims.
17:47Will it?
17:47You took a song I wrote about you.
17:48A song I trusted you because I thought you were the only person who would understand it.
17:51And you sang it to another girl in front of everyone.
17:54You let her believe you wrote it.
17:56Is that what this is really about?
17:57The song?
17:57Sienna?
17:58California?
17:58His eyes came back to mine.
18:00Or is this because we slept together?
18:01My stomach turned.
18:03You've been acting insane since that night.
18:04One stupid night, Willa, and now you're blowing up 10 years like I killed somebody.
18:08I stared at him.
18:09Unfair, right?
18:10Neither was calling me practice.
18:12For the first time that night, Lennox looked scared.
18:14I didn't mean it like that.
18:16I was drunk.
18:17Tyler was joking.
18:18I was just saying stupid shit.
18:19You know how guys talk.
18:19We weren't drunk in the band room.
18:21His face went pale.
18:23I didn't know you heard that.
18:25That's your defense?
18:26That's not.
18:27You don't get to we were fine before you started.
18:28He couldn't finish because there was no way admitting what fine really meant.
18:31Fine meant I had to finish that sentence.
18:32Took and everyone called it normal.
18:34The room went quiet.
18:35So quiet I could hear the champagne bubble dying in a forgotten glass.
18:38Then Lennox straightened up, put his hands in his pockets.
18:41You chose to walk away from 10 years.
18:43Don't call me a friend.
18:44Don't call me anything.
18:45He pulled the door open and walked out without looking back.
18:49Those were the last words Lennox Hole said to me a very, very long time.

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