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Delve into the paradoxical world where self-obsession and an intoxicating cocktail of hormones collide, resulting in a captivating exploration of love's complexity.
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00:00Oh, you love yourself more than anyone else.
00:03You have no doubts about your beauty.
00:06You're sure that you are prettier, smarter, and more charming than others.
00:10You're the best.
00:12The only person you look at with adoration is you in the mirror.
00:16So congrats, you probably have narcissism.
00:19The word that describes this unusual mental condition appeared in ancient times.
00:24According to Greek mythology, the name Narcissus belonged to some fascinating character.
00:29His story can teach you that too much self-love can cause too many problems.
00:34There are reasons why people behave narcissistically.
00:37But before we know them, let's take a look at the myth.
00:41So, there are several versions of Narcissus' stories.
00:45He was the son of two mythological creatures.
00:48When he was born, a fortune teller told his parents,
00:51Your son will stay alive until he sees himself.
00:54So, smartly, they removed all mirrors and reflective objects from the house.
00:59Narcissus was a handsome young man.
01:02Everyone admired his beauty.
01:04Local nymphs and girls were in love with him.
01:06But Narcissus didn't like anyone.
01:09He liked to walk in the forest, eat fruit, and listen to birds singing.
01:13And then, one day, a nymph named Echo saw him walking amongst flowers and trees.
01:19She fell in love with him right at that second.
01:21After a while, she told him about her feelings.
01:25But Narcissus rejected her.
01:27It broke Echo's heart.
01:29She ran away and hid in the depths of the forest.
01:31She couldn't drink and eat because of such sadness.
01:34So, she passed away.
01:36The only thing that remained after her was her voice.
01:40It echoed through the trees and bushes.
01:42And then, someone named Nemesis heard it.
01:45She was outraged that Narcissus had rejected the nymph.
01:48She decided to punish him.
01:50So, Nemesis made him fall in love with himself.
01:54Wow.
01:55Nemesis?
01:55Narcissus?
01:56This could get confusing.
01:58Anyway.
01:59One day, Narcissus saw his reflection in the pond and couldn't take his eyes off.
02:04He looked at himself in love for many weeks until life left him since he didn't drink
02:09and eat anything all this time.
02:11Oops.
02:12Narcissus disappeared but left behind a beautiful flower near the pond.
02:17They called this flower after his name.
02:19Well, I guess that's better than being called Patsy.
02:22Now, in another version, Hera punished the nymph Echo for one misconduct related to Zeus.
02:29Hey, you gotta be up on your Greek gods and stuff.
02:31Hera made it impossible for her to speak normally.
02:34So, from that moment, she could only repeat what she heard.
02:38If you had asked her, hey, is it a bird or a dinosaur?
02:41She would have answered, hey, is it a bird or a dinosaur?
02:45Yeah, that could get annoying.
02:47Echo didn't want to live with such a curse, so she hid in a dark cave.
02:51She decided to live there till the end of her days.
02:54A little time had passed, and then she noted Narcissus walking by.
02:59Well, the nymph immediately found a new meaning in life as she fell in love with the young man.
03:04But how to confess your feelings?
03:06She couldn't talk to him normally.
03:08Therefore, Echo decided to ask the forest for help.
03:11She had some magic abilities that allowed her to control animals and trees.
03:16She used birds and leaves of trees to somehow share her feelings with Narcissus.
03:21The young man immediately realized the nymph was in love with him.
03:25But he did say no without hesitation.
03:28He was too interested in himself and didn't want to share such a person with someone else.
03:33Or maybe he liked nobody at all.
03:36Perhaps he was looking for his ideal of beauty that didn't exist in nature.
03:40The already unhappy Echo became even sadder.
03:44She returned to her cave and began to cry.
03:46She couldn't eat and drink.
03:48She decided that she would stay here forever.
03:51In the last days, Echo asked Nemesis to restore justice and punish Narcissus for his arrogance.
03:58Nemesis deprived him of the opportunity to love someone else and forced him to love only himself.
04:04And then, one hot day, Narcissus went to the pond to cool down a little.
04:10He bent on his knees to drink some water and saw the reflection.
04:14At that moment, the prophetess' words came true.
04:18Narcissus was so amazed by his beauty that he couldn't take his eyes off the pond surface.
04:23He got so caught up, he kept himself from eating or drinking.
04:27The water was in front of him, but he didn't quench his thirst because the beauty wasn't letting him go.
04:32Wow, there's a whole lot of starving going on over somebody's good looks.
04:37Anyway, Narcissus bent down so low that he fell into the water and, uh, never surfaced again.
04:43The nymphs of the forest couldn't find him.
04:46Many women grieved.
04:47A beautiful flower with white petals appeared on the river shore.
04:51They named it after the handsome young man.
04:54While the nymphs mourned him on Earth, Narcissus was in the underworld.
04:58And even there, he couldn't stop admiring himself.
05:01Narcissus was doomed to look at his reflection in the river Styx for an eternity.
05:06It was like a daze.
05:07This self-love hypnotized him.
05:10The eternal gaze in his reflection made him infinitely unhappy and happy at the same time.
05:16Such a character causes no sympathy, since people don't like narcissistic personalities.
05:21But another version of the famous legend justifies the young man's actions.
05:26A famous Greek traveler and geographer wrote in one of his books, Description of Greece,
05:32Narcissus had a beautiful twin sister.
05:34They looked like two drops of water.
05:37And one terrible day, she passed away.
05:40Grief broke Narcissus' heart.
05:42But then he saw his reflection and couldn't take his eyes off it.
05:46But not because he fell in love with himself, but because his face reminded him of his sister.
05:52He looked at himself because he didn't want to part with her again.
05:56Yeah, this story seems sadder.
05:58But in any case, these are all myths that give us an accurate description of a specific type of person's
06:03personality.
06:04All narcissists always think about their success, splendor, beauty, and some perfect love with ideal persons.
06:12They're sure they're unique and better than other people.
06:15They want to communicate only with those with the same high level of uniqueness.
06:20Narcissists live in a fantasy world about their greatness.
06:23There's nothing wrong if people love themselves, but sometimes this love becomes too strong.
06:28It's challenging to have a relationship with narcissists because they concentrate only on themselves and don't have empathy.
06:36They can't read other people's feelings.
06:38You're crying after watching a sad movie, but a narcissist is ill-equipped for understanding your emotions.
06:44But with all these negative qualities, narcissists are very charming people.
06:49It's always fun with them, and they know how to make you laugh and get your attention.
06:53If a person loves himself, then he becomes attractive to others.
06:57Do you want to jump with a parachute?
06:59No problem.
07:00Hey, it's a bigger problem if you jump without one.
07:02How about you fly to another country right now?
07:05Sure, why not?
07:07It's all cool.
07:08But then you realize that it's challenging to be friends with this person because you can't share joy, sadness, and
07:14other feelings.
07:15Now, don't think that narcissists have complex character because they're not good people and they like it.
07:21Such a personality grows over the years, but it all starts at an early age.
07:26Imagine that your parents praise you from the day of your birth only for your achievements and appearance.
07:31Did you win the swimming competition?
07:33Great!
07:34Have you passed the exam?
07:36Perfect!
07:36You're so handsome, your parents tell you.
07:39Good job!
07:40You'll become a good doctor or a firefighter or a lawyer.
07:44Sounds cool, doesn't it?
07:45But what about your inner state, your feelings?
07:48If no one sees it in you, then you won't be able to appreciate it in other people.
07:53You'll pay attention only to your superiority and a sense of success because your parents loved you only for this.
08:00Ultimately, you will also appreciate others for these qualities.
08:03If you're as popular and successful and even more fantastic, narcissists will pay attention to you.
08:10Perhaps, the mythological parents of the narcissist character admired his beauty so much that they forgot about the moral formation
08:18of their son.
08:18Any person needs the support of inner emotions and state to prevent forming an emotional void inside.
08:25Narcissistic people try to fill it with a sense of admiration and praise.
08:29But these things can't replace love.
08:32That's why so many narcissists suffer inside.
08:35Fortunately, modern advances in psychology can help get rid of narcissism.
08:40The doctor tries to guide the patient through the feelings and emotions they experienced in the distant past.
08:46They try to find the reasons that made them a narcissist.
08:49It's a long and complex therapy, but it is pretty effective.
08:53It's difficult to make a person who admires him or herself to go through it.
08:57If they agree to the therapy, they admit that something is wrong with them.
09:01And such recognition is a challenging test to those who love themselves too much.
09:07Ah, love is an open door.
09:09All you need is love.
09:11Can't help falling in love with you.
09:13Well, I bet you've heard all these songs before.
09:16The main idea behind them is one and the same.
09:19It's that love is the greatest feeling of them all, even though sometimes it might break your heart.
09:25But you know what?
09:26Love actually has nothing to do with the heart, but everything to do with the brain.
09:32So join me as I explore the science behind this feeling, which makes people write songs,
09:38paint masterpieces, and do all sorts of crazy things.
09:41So I want you to imagine your body, the whole system, as a factory now.
09:46Let's see what happens in there and which hormones and brain systems…
09:50Sorry, I meant employees, come to play when you begin a new relationship.
09:55It's real teamwork, that's for sure.
09:57When you're at the beginning stages of your new relationship, everything becomes all about your partner, right?
10:04When you're not with them, you daydream about them.
10:07And when you're with them, you just want to stay together all the time.
10:11Psychologists call this exhilarating first stage of love, infatuation, or passionate love.
10:17When you're deeply in love with someone, your brain activity in the ventral tegmental area increases like crazy.
10:24In case you're wondering, that is the reward processing and motivation section of your brain.
10:29It activates when you do things like eat something sweet and delicious,
10:33or drink a cold glass of water when you're thirsty.
10:36And when it's switched on, happiness hormones like dopamine are released,
10:41which in turn teach your brain to repeat the same behaviors with the expectation of receiving the same initial reward.
10:47You know, it's basically the same mechanism, like how puppies learn to give paw to get the yummy treat.
10:53So this increased VTA activity is not only why love makes you feel intensely energetic and all over the moon,
11:01but also why you can't keep away from your partner.
11:04Yet again, the funny thing is, such high levels of dopamine are also known to be responsible for insomnia and
11:12decreased appetite.
11:13That means those over-the-top romance novels sometimes get it right when they write their characters are so in
11:20love that they can't eat or can't sleep.
11:22The first stage of your new relationship is also the time when you may find it hard to see any
11:28faults in your partner.
11:29Putting on rose-colored glasses like this is all thanks to love's impact on higher cortical regions of your brain.
11:37Normally, the brain's cognitive center becomes activated when we make judgments and decisions, as well as engage in critical thought.
11:45However, it is proven that those who are in a new relationship show decreased and slower activity there.
11:51So, it's no wonder you think your partner is perfect, even though your best friend might not like them that
11:58much.
11:58Love is blind, indeed.
12:00All this brain activity and hormone action will turn you into a version of the cheerful Spongebob as well.
12:07By acting on the pleasure center of the brain, love lowers your enjoyment threshold.
12:12This means it makes you feel joyful and elevated a lot easier and faster.
12:17You start to develop a more optimistic perspective of the world around you and get less annoyed by things.
12:24That must be why we also love being in love, right?
12:27Well, the initial stage of love might be a whirlwind of fuzzy emotions and mental activity.
12:33It usually only lasts a few months.
12:36Then, a new and longer-lasting era begins.
12:39Attachment or compassionate love.
12:41Think of this as junior employees handing the test to seniors in our imaginary love factory.
12:48Now, in this stage, your relationship develops into a state where you may feel more relaxed around your partner,
12:55as well as more committed to them.
12:57This is largely thanks to pair-bonding hormones, vaxopressin and oxytocin,
13:02which are often nicknamed as the cuddle hormone.
13:05They indicate feelings of attachment, social support, and trust.
13:09Once these hormones come into play, the difference between romantic love and any other forms of love
13:15actually sort of vanishes.
13:17The reason for that is because they're also the hormones that help bond families and friendships.
13:23But their duties are not limited to that.
13:26Oxytocin can help release stress hormones, too.
13:29That's why you feel relaxed when you spend time with your loved one.
13:32However, this is also the stage where some problems with your relationship may become more evident.
13:39Yes, you and your partner start having a more honest understanding and a deeper connection.
13:45But with this new bond, the previous suspension of judgment you had fades as well.
13:50In other words, your rose-colored glasses turn into regular glasses.
13:55This may result in two different ways.
13:57You and your partner either tackle your issues and create an even stronger bond,
14:03or you decide you're no longer good for each other and go your separate ways.
14:08If the latter happens, no matter for what reason your relationship ends,
14:13the brain is all to blame for the pain that follows the heartbreak.
14:16The torment of a breakup activates the insular cortex.
14:21It's the region of the brain that processes all kinds of pain, from physical to social.
14:26So, both the pain you feel from a paper cut or from being rejected by someone are processed here.
14:34Science shows that when looking at their ex-partner's photos,
14:37people who are going through a heartbreak still showed increased activity in the VTA.
14:42That means the motivation and reward center that was initially responsible for your desire to be with your partner
14:49at the beginning of your relationship is still at work even after they're gone.
14:54And this is what might cause you to daydream about your ex and even seek contact with them.
14:59So much so that the urge to reach out may feel overwhelming, like an extreme hunger or thirst.
15:06So, don't worry, nobody is judging you if you text them by mistake or say hi or anything.
15:13However, this rollercoaster of emotions does take its toll.
15:18The bitterness and the heartache activate your body's alarm system, the stress axis,
15:23and this causes you to feel shaken and restless.
15:27But when it comes to this, it's a good thing that nothing lasts forever.
15:31As time goes on, the brain's higher cortical regions, which are in charge of reasoning and impulse control,
15:38say, enough is enough, and pump the brakes on all the distress and yearning.
15:43And you know how they say the first heartbreak hits the hardest?
15:47It's because these regions are still maturing and making connections during adolescence.
15:52So, what do you have to do to ease your pain and go through heartbreak as smoothly as possible?
15:59Well, exercising, spending time with your friends, or even watching your favorite movie can help.
16:05Maybe make sure it's not a rom-com, though.
16:09Such activities actually help you calm down the stress response by triggering the release of the feel-good hormone dopamine.
16:16And this may be a cliche, but trust me, time and support from loved ones do heal everything.
16:23In a recent survey, 56% of Americans have said to believe in love at first sight,
16:29and every third person reports that they have experienced it.
16:33However, now you know the biology of love,
16:36it can't be that all these hormones immediately kick in when you meet a potential love interest, right?
16:42There surely must be a psychological process behind why we fell in love, too.
16:48Like, maybe you would first have to get to know them?
16:51Keeping that in mind, psychologist Arthur Aaron came up with 36 questions that can quicken this process
16:58and possibly help people who are at the dating stage fall in love quicker.
17:03These involve questions like,
17:05If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
17:11And,
17:12If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
17:16According to Aaron, to be able to answer them, you and your partner need to be vulnerable,
17:22and this can deepen the intimacy between you two, which is the key to love.
17:26For more information, please visit our website at www.feelacterialtofilms.com.
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