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00:00No, no way. How did it end up like this?
00:04My name is Ben. I'm 23. I just graduated from college.
00:07Three days ago, my mom's stepson performed my hemorrhage surgery.
00:10I thought after going through that, I'd never feel embarrassed again.
00:13I couldn't have been more wrong.
00:14The moment I bent over and he inserted his finger for the rectal exam,
00:17I still couldn't stop myself from crying out.
00:20Ben, what's wrong?
00:21No, I can't do this. I can't. Ethan, I'm leaving!
00:31That's not happening. Get back on the table.
00:34If the exam isn't clear, we'll try something else.
00:37Ethan, seriously, I'm fine. The surgery went well. I'm healing just fine.
00:42You said the exam might not be enough, so what are you doing?
00:46Relax. You'll know in a second.
00:50A little loose? Have you ever used anything like this before?
00:54What? No, no, I haven't.
00:56Ah, Ethan, it feels so full. What is that? Why is it so warm?
01:02Last cheat meal. Healthy living starts tomorrow.
01:06I was 23, fresh out of college.
01:08No job, no boyfriend, no girlfriend, no plan.
01:12My one real joy in life was food, especially spicy food.
01:16Back then, I had no idea that my happy hot pot meal would, three days later,
01:21deliver me right beneath the fingers of my brother, a brother of a different blood.
01:26Ben, come home for dinner next weekend. Uncle Fang is cooking a feast.
01:29And your brother will be there, too.
01:31But Ethan? Why is he coming?
01:32What kind of question is that? He's my son, your brother. Why would he come home for dinner?
01:35I barely know him.
01:36You know how good Uncle Fang has been to us. Ethan's his son. Why can't you get closer to him?
01:40You two are brothers.
01:41My brother and I were never close.
01:43He's four years older than I am.
01:45When I was a junior in college, my mom married Uncle Fang, his father.
01:48We ended up living under the same roof, but I could count on one hand the number of conversations we
01:53ever had.
01:54He was always busy. Always stone-faced. Like the whole world owed him money.
01:59I thought that's how we'd always be. Two strangers living under the same roof.
02:03Then my asshole had other plans.
02:07Three days. Three days ago, I was perfectly fine. Now I can barely walk.
02:11I swear, if I ever eat spicy food again, somebody slap some sense into me.
02:14Number 17. Benjamin Cole, please proceed to exam room 3.
02:22Doctor, I can't do this anymore. It hurts so bad. Please, help me.
02:30Ethan?
02:30Pants off. Face down on the exam table.
02:33I can't do this. I'm leaving.
02:36You're not going anywhere. Face down on the table. I need to perform the exam.
02:41You're my brother. How can you-
02:43That was the day I realized something. The harder you run from something, the faster it catches up with you.
02:48And my something was a Kara National Surgeon in gold-rimmed glasses, who also happened to be my brother.
02:57Bro, can you hurry?
02:59Relax. The more you tense up, the more uncomfortable it'll be.
03:07A bit loose.
03:09What?
03:10Have you ever used anything like this before?
03:13Or had any previous rectal procedures?
03:15No, of course not.
03:17I-
03:18I almost said I was still a virgin.
03:21But lying face down in front of my brother and blutting out, I'm a virgin.
03:25Somehow that sounded even more humiliating than the exam itself.
03:29Ah! Ethan! Please! Don't!
03:35So, no prior procedures?
03:37No. Really. No. Please. Just finish. I want to go home.
03:48Internal hemorrhoids. Nothing severe. You'll need a minor procedure to remove them. Are you available Friday afternoon?
03:54Surgery?
03:56It's a minor procedure. Local anesthesia. You'll be able to go home the same day.
04:00Okay.
04:01Friday, 2 p.m. Don't be late. And stay away from spicy food.
04:08For a second, I couldn't tell if he was worried about me or just being my doctor.
04:12I honestly couldn't tell. All I knew was that my heart was beating a little faster.
04:19A bit loose, so no prior procedures.
04:23Ah! Just kill me!
04:30Ben, you went to the hospital today. What did the doctor tell you?
04:35Nothing serious. Just a small issue. I'm having a minor procedure on Friday.
04:41Ben, how's everything going? Now that you've graduated, any plans?
04:47Still looking. No rush.
04:49Ethan, have you been busy at the hospital lately?
04:53Not too bad. I've got a minor procedure on Friday afternoon.
04:56If the patient's young, he should recover pretty fast.
04:59Ethan!
05:00He said, the patient, right there at the dinner table.
05:03In front of everyone. Like he didn't even know me.
05:06But I could see it in his eyes. He was messing with me.
05:14Ethan, did you give me the anesthetic yet?
05:17I did. You shouldn't be feeling anything now.
05:21Really?
05:22Because I feel like I can still...
05:24That's all in your head. Relax.
05:26He said I couldn't feel anything.
05:27But I could feel the edge of his glove.
05:29His breath.
05:30The hem of his coat brushing my cough when he leaned in.
05:33I could feel all of it.
05:37The wound looks good.
05:39You're all stitched up.
05:40No shower tonight.
05:41You can shower tomorrow.
05:43Okay.
05:49Slow down.
05:50If you tear it, I'm not stitching you up again.
05:53You're pretty good with stitches.
05:54Way better than I am with a needle.
05:56No spicy food tonight.
05:57You already said that.
05:59Why did he say the same thing twice?
06:01I didn't know.
06:02But in that moment, I started to wonder if maybe he cared about more than just the wound.
06:09I'll walk you out.
06:13No.
06:13It's okay.
06:14I can walk on my own.
06:16You can walk.
06:17But you look ridiculous.
06:19Like a penguin.
06:20Hey.
06:22Palm was on my arm.
06:23The warmth coming through my hoodie.
06:25I told myself, he's my brother.
06:26He's just being professional.
06:27But my heart didn't understand what professional meant.
06:29It wouldn't stop pounding.
06:35Hey, Ethan.
06:36Still hurts?
06:38Much better.
06:39The anesthetic hasn't worn off completely yet.
06:42In that second, he was standing in front of me, the hallway light casting shadows behind
06:46him.
06:46Felt like he was looking at a patient.
06:48But I also felt like he was looking at something else.
06:50I didn't let myself think too hard about it.
06:53No spicy food tonight.
06:56That's the third time you've said that.
06:59Because you look like the kind of patient who doesn't listen.
07:02He said, I don't listen.
07:04That tone.
07:04Not like a brother.
07:05Not like a doctor.
07:06Like someone who'd already decided to take care of me.
07:09What made him think he'd be the one to do it?
07:14Day two after surgery.
07:16The wound still aches.
07:17But honestly, the boredom might kill me first.
07:20I can't go out.
07:21I can't sit for too long.
07:23And I can't eat spicy food.
07:24At this point, my life feels completely pointless.
07:29You've been taking medicine on time, Mom.
07:31I'm fine.
07:32It doesn't really hurt anymore.
07:33Took the meds.
07:34You're lying.
07:34You're typing way too slow.
07:36If you're still lying on your stomach, it means it still hurts.
07:39How do you know I'm lying on my stomach?
07:41He didn't see anything.
07:42But he knew.
07:43He knew too much.
07:45I suddenly felt like my body wasn't mine alone anymore.
07:48Someone else knew it better than I did.
07:50You shouldn't know me this well.
07:52And I shouldn't be reacting like this to one text.
07:55But I couldn't stop it.
07:57My body was way more honest than I was.
08:09Ethan, I can get it myself.
08:11I don't trust you not to grab the wrong thing.
08:13Ethan's right, Ben.
08:14You're still recovering.
08:16No spicy food.
08:19Your brother's a doctor.
08:20Listen to him.
08:22He was watching me.
08:23I knew it.
08:24I didn't dare look up and confirm it.
08:26But I could feel the weight of his gaze.
08:28Just like during the exam.
08:29When he was standing behind me.
08:33What's with the weird walk?
08:35Hemorrhide surgery.
08:37Don't ask for details.
08:38Who did it?
08:39How was the technique?
08:40I heard some doctors are heavy-handed.
08:41Ethan.
08:42Your brother?
08:43He happens to be a proctologist.
08:45Lucky me.
08:47Honestly, it wasn't all bad.
08:49At least someone was bringing me food.
08:51He showed up himself three days in a row.
08:53Your brother?
08:55Is he always this nice to you?
08:58You were in the hospital, and he brought you food three days in a row.
09:02Himself.
09:03Not through delivery.
09:07He's just being a doctor.
09:09Taking care of his patient.
09:10Marcus said doctor and patient.
09:12And something about the way he said it felt wrong.
09:14But what scared me more was that I stood there thinking about it.
09:17And still couldn't come up with a better word for what we were.
09:20It was two in the morning.
09:21And the only thing stuck on loop in my head was him.
09:24His fingers.
09:24His voice.
09:25His breath behind me.
09:26I told myself that was normal.
09:28Anyone would still be messed up after an exam like that.
09:30But what I was feeling didn't feel like fear.
09:32It felt like anticipation.
09:38Ethan?
09:40What are you doing here?
09:41Your mom asked me to come by.
09:43She said you live alone and needed someone to keep an eye on you while you recover.
09:46She gave me the key.
09:47How long have you been here?
09:48Two hours.
09:49We were out cold.
09:50Can't sleep?
09:52Me neither.
09:53He was sitting there at two in the morning on my couch and he said,
09:56Me neither?
09:56Three words.
09:58Light as air.
09:59But they landed on my chest like something too heavy to breathe through.
10:05I woke up and the first thing I saw was his face.
10:08Then it hit me.
10:09I never went back to my room last night.
10:11I sat down next to him.
10:12We talked and I fell asleep.
10:14What does that mean?
10:15I don't know.
10:15But my body knew.
10:16It chose the spot beside him.
10:23He was in my kitchen.
10:25Like he belonged there.
10:26That thought scared me more than the exam did.
10:34My body had finally healed.
10:36I wasn't hobbling around anymore.
10:37But my brain?
10:38That was another story.
10:39At least 20 times a day I'd open WhatsApp without even thinking.
10:42Just to see if my doctor had messaged me.
10:44He never had.
10:45And I kept checking anyway.
10:46Somehow that was even more exhausting than the hem rights.
10:53I needed to get out.
10:55Hang out with my friends.
10:57Eat normal food.
10:58Talk about normal things.
11:00Just forget about the brother I happened to live with.
11:03The one who barely ever spoke.
11:06Ben, what's been up with you lately?
11:08You seem out of it.
11:09Did you get dumped?
11:10No.
11:11I've never even dated.
11:13Then what's with that dazed look?
11:14You into someone?
11:17No.
11:19There's nothing going on.
11:21When I said no, my heart was beating way too fast.
11:24That had never happened before.
11:25I sat there alone in that hot pot place.
11:27Telling myself I was just there for the food.
11:30But I knew better.
11:31I wanted to know if he'd see me again.
11:33I wanted to know if he'd touch me again.
11:35I wanted to go back.
11:39Tomorrow morning, I'm going back to his clinic.
11:41And I'm going to ask him, what did you really mean that day?
11:44But I don't know if I'm ready to hear the answer.
11:53Here I was again, same clinic, same doctor, same position.
11:57Last time I didn't have a choice, but this time I had no excuse.
12:00Because I ate spicy food on purpose and did this to myself just so I could see him one more
12:04time.
12:10What did you eat?
12:14Hot pot.
12:20Face down on the table.
12:33Ethan, this is just a check-up, right?
12:39The wound's healing well.
12:40There's just some redness around it.
12:43It needs to be cleaned or it could get infected.
12:47You came here.
12:51Don't pretend you don't know why.
12:54Dr. Ethan, the next two weeks.
12:59Keep the area clean.
13:00No spicy for two weeks.
13:02You're good to go.
13:07He said, you came here, don't pretend you don't know why.
13:10And I did know.
13:11I knew exactly why.
13:13But I couldn't say it.
13:15Then he pulled his hand away.
13:16And that's when I realized I didn't want him to stop.
13:25Next time you want to see me, don't put yourself through this.
13:28Just come see me.
13:30He said, next time you want to see me, not come in for a follow-up, not schedule an appointment.
13:36He said, want to see me.
13:39I stared at those words until the screen dimmed, then tapped it awake and read them again.
13:46He said, if you ever need to see me again, just make an appointment.
13:50And after that, nothing.
13:51No messages.
13:52Was he expecting me to reach out?
13:54Or was he just being polite?
13:56Why am I even overthinking this?
13:57He's just my brother.
13:59Ben, are you coming home for dinner this weekend?
14:02Uncle Fang picked up fresh crab.
14:05Is Ethan going?
14:07He's off this weekend.
14:08He should be there.
14:10I'll think about it.
14:11I'll think about it.
14:13I asked my mom if Ethan was going, and the second it came out of my mouth, I knew I'd
14:16meant it.
14:19Never.
14:19That problem is like a crack.
14:21I can't even patch it myself.
14:27You've been spaced out all day.
14:29Even worse than last week.
14:30What's going on?
14:33Nothing.
14:34Just didn't sleep well.
14:35Ben, we've known each other for four years.
14:38When you say nothing, you sound exactly like someone who's hiding something.
14:42Between you and your brother, is there something going on?
14:45No, there's nothing.
14:46We're just brothers.
14:49You look worse than I did when I got dumped.
14:52Marcus said I looked like I'd just gotten dumped.
14:55I've never even been in a relationship.
14:57But my heart felt like it had just been dropped from somewhere high.
15:00And somehow, I recognized that pain.
15:06Number one.
15:07You keep thinking about them.
15:08Even if you just said goodbye.
15:10Your body reacts before your mind does.
15:12Your heart races when you see them.
15:14Your palms get sweaty.
15:16You can't stop yourself from wanting to be close to them.
15:18I watched the whole video.
15:20Every second of it.
15:21Then I turned off my phone.
15:23But his words stayed with me.
15:24I couldn't stop thinking about him.
15:26My heart wouldn't slow down.
15:28I wasn't just passing by the clinic.
15:30I went there to see him.
15:31What excuse did I have left?
15:33None.
15:43Hey, you still awake?
15:47He asked, miss me?
15:48Not a sleep.
15:49How was I supposed to answer that?
15:50Miss me.
15:50I wanted to say no.
15:52But my body had already answered for me.
15:54I watched that video.
15:55I typed that message.
15:57I opened his chat at 2 in the morning.
15:59I couldn't lie to him anymore.
16:29At 2 in the morning, he texted, miss me?
16:32Ben, come help me bring the food to the table.
16:35The moment I stepped into the kitchen, I finally let out a breath.
16:38At least I didn't have to sit there pretending I couldn't feel his eyes on him.
16:41But even the kitchen still carried traces of him.
16:43His coffee mug, the lingering smell of breakfast.
16:45There was no escaping him.
16:55I'm going back to my room to get my charger.
17:00Why didn't you text me back?
17:04I forgot.
17:07You came looking for me.
17:09You avoided me.
17:11You care about me.
17:12You're just afraid to admit it.
17:15You're a man.
17:16I'm a man.
17:16You're my brother.
17:17How can I...
17:17I don't care about any of that.
17:19The only thing I care about is whether you want this too.
17:22Then what?
17:24Even if I do, then what?
17:30He didn't kiss me.
17:31He just held my chin and looked into my eyes.
17:33He was waiting for me to say yes.
17:35Waiting for me to not.
17:36For the first time in my life, someone gave me a choice.
17:39And before I even realized it, my body had already answered.
17:45Yes.
17:46I want it.
17:55You're still young.
17:56What?
17:58You should find a girlfriend.
18:00Get married.
18:02Have kids.
18:04This family can't end with both sons having no children.
18:08What are you saying?
18:09You just...
18:09I got carried away.
18:10So did you.
18:11Just forget it.
18:17I got carried away.
18:18He said, forget it.
18:19Three words.
18:21It hurt more than anything he'd ever done to me physically.
18:25I don't understand.
18:26He asked if I wanted it.
18:28I said yes.
18:29And then he left.
18:35So, you and your brother.
18:37How's that going?
18:39Nothing.
18:40He told me to forget it.
18:43Did you?
18:47Some things aren't meant to be forgotten.
18:49That's okay.
18:50But you can't keep sitting here forever.
18:52He said forget, so I tried to forget.
18:54That was his choice.
18:55I respected it.
18:56Who was I, really?
18:59Just someone he turned down.
19:02So you really didn't date anyone all through college?
19:05Yeah.
19:08Just never met the right person.
19:10What do you think the right person looks like for you?
19:17Someone who doesn't walk away.
19:20Do you think I look like someone who might leave?
19:22She said she wouldn't walk away.
19:24And I believed her.
19:25I told myself this was what I needed.
19:27Something simple.
19:29Something normal.
19:30Something that didn't leave me guessing.
19:48You cut steak like you mean it.
19:50Have you done this before?
19:58Yeah.
19:59Someone used to do that for me.
20:00Emily and I have been together for over two months.
20:03She's good.
20:04She won't leave.
20:05I learned how to take care of her the way he used to take care of me.
20:08I just liked that he was good to me.
20:10I gave her every bit of care he'd ever shown me.
20:12I thought that would prove I'd forgotten him.
20:20Who's that?
20:21This early?
20:23Just spam.
20:24Two months.
20:25I told myself I was over him.
20:27I told myself I'd erased him from my life.
20:29Then one automated reminder from the hospital popped up.
20:32And my heart started racing faster than it ever had during any checkup.
20:36I hadn't forgotten him.
20:37I never had.
20:39Please proceed to examination room three.
20:50Ethan.
20:51I'm here for my follow-up.
20:53On the table.
20:55Face down.
21:00How have you been?
21:02Good.
21:04Found a job?
21:06Yeah.
21:07Starting next month.
21:08You have a girlfriend?
21:11Yeah.
21:12We've been together for two months.
21:14Everything's healed well.
21:15You won't need any more follow-up appointments.
21:21Since you're here, there's one more thing I need to check.
21:23A standard follow-up doesn't always tell me everything.
21:26I need to do this another way.
21:28What exam?
21:31Lift up.
21:35No way, God.
21:41Half an hour.
21:42My first time.
21:43Like that.
21:44In a proctology clinic.
21:46Two months after he turned me down.
21:48I still don't know what any of it meant.
21:50He said he didn't want me.
21:52He pushed me away.
21:53He told me to forget about him.
21:54And then he pinned to the bed.
21:56I didn't ask a single question.
21:58Because I wouldn't even have known where to start.
22:02You've been acting strange ever since you got back from the hospital.
22:05Did your follow-up not go well?
22:09No.
22:10The doctor said everything healed well.
22:12No more follow-up appointments.
22:13Then why have you been spacing out since you got back?
22:16Nothing.
22:16Just tired.
22:17She's holding my hand.
22:19She's so good to me.
22:20But all I can think about is what happened in that exam room.
22:23His hand against my back brushes past my ear.
22:25The way he said, lift your hips.
22:27So calm, so matter of fact.
22:29And somehow, part of me wanted to hear it again.
22:36I brought you some medication.
22:38And an anti-inclamatory ointment.
22:40You may have a small tear, but this should help.
22:42Your mom gave me the address.
22:43She also gave me a key.
22:46Torn?
22:47What do you mean, torn?
22:48Ben, didn't you say it was just a check-up?
22:52It happened during the exam.
22:53Probably just a small tear.
22:54Does it hurt?
22:58Why are you here?
23:00Why did you come to my place and in front of my girlfriend?
23:04I regret it.
23:06I thought I could let you go.
23:08I thought pushing you away was the right thing to do.
23:11But the moment I found out you had a girlfriend,
23:14I regretted it.
23:16I regretted walking away.
23:18And I regretted telling you to forget about me.
23:23Emily, I...
23:26So that's what this is.
23:29You're not just brothers.
23:35Why didn't you leave?
23:36I'm not leaving again.
23:41Ben, I've thought about it a lot.
23:44I don't hate you.
23:46I just need time.
23:49I wish you both well.
23:52She left.
23:53She's not coming back.
23:55But she just texted.
23:57She said she wishes us well.
23:59I know.
24:01But I don't regret it.
24:03Why did you push me away?
24:06And then pull me back?
24:09Because I was scared.
24:11Scared you'd regret it someday and end up hating me.
24:14But the moment I found out you had a girlfriend,
24:16I realized I'd rather have you hate me
24:18than lose you to someone else.
24:23then don't leave again.
24:29I won't.
24:35Ben,
24:36what about your girlfriend?
24:38Haven't heard you mention her in a while.
24:40We broke up.
24:41Why?
24:42Because I'm in love with Ethan.
24:45Ethan.
24:50I know.
24:51I've known since the day you went to his clinic for your first follow-up.
24:54Then why didn't you-
24:55Because you're my son.
24:57Ever since you were little,
24:58your ears have turned red whenever you lied.
25:00And every time you mentioned him,
25:02they turned red again.
25:04Ethan?
25:05What about you?
25:07Are you serious about this?
25:08Yes.
25:09I'm not leaving again.
25:12I've waited all these years to hear you say it out loud.
25:16Sorry,
25:16dad,
25:17for making you worry.
25:18You don't owe me an apology.
25:19If you're happy,
25:21that's all that matters.
25:25Ben,
25:26I never told you any of this
25:27because Ethan asked me not to.
25:28He said he didn't want you to choose him out of pity.
25:31But now that you're together,
25:34I think you deserve to know.
25:36Know what?
25:37After everything that happened,
25:38Ethan spent a long time in therapy.
25:40He shut everyone out.
25:41He didn't trust anyone
25:43until he met you.
25:44Ben,
25:44he's been through a lot.
25:45But after you came in into his life,
25:47I saw something change.
25:49The walls he built around himself
25:50finally started to come down.
25:52I'm not asking anything of you.
25:54I just hope we'll be good to each other.
25:59Come in.
26:06He told you.
26:08Yeah.
26:09Do you think I'm disgusting?
26:12No.
26:13Never.
26:14That wasn't your fault.
26:16It was never your fault.
26:17He asked me,
26:18do you think I'm disgusting?
26:19In that moment,
26:20I finally understood
26:21what was beneath that shell of ice.
26:23Fear.
26:24Fear that once I knew the truth,
26:26I'd leave him like everyone else.
26:28I held him
26:29and told him it wasn't his fault.
26:31My voice was soft,
26:32but I meant every word.
26:39So,
26:39you two are together?
26:41Yeah.
26:42Good.
26:43You look a lot better than you did before.
26:45Then be good to each other.
26:48Take good care of him.
26:49I will.
27:02I will.
27:05Marcus stopped by today.
27:07He said I looked a lot better.
27:09I knew he meant it
27:09because I felt it too.
27:11I really was doing better.
27:15He's Charlie.
27:17I knew it.
27:19From that day on,
27:20we had a place to call home.
27:23It wasn't big,
27:23but it was enough for us.
27:25Enough for a cat to run around in.
27:29Ethan.
27:30What?
27:31Will you still be scared sometimes?
27:34Sometimes.
27:36Then tell me when you are.
27:37You don't have to carry it alone.
27:42He's been through so much.
27:44He carried it alone for years,
27:46but he doesn't have to anymore.
27:48From now on,
27:49he has me.
27:54Come on.
27:55Give me the cat.
27:56Let me see my granddaughter.
27:58Granddaughter?
27:59Mom, it's a boy.
28:01So what if it's a boy?
28:02If I say it's a granddaughter,
28:04it's a granddaughter.
28:05Any objections?
28:10Ben, your mom's known for a while.
28:12Since the first time
28:13you two came home for dinner together,
28:14she'd already figured it out.
28:16That early?
28:17I just had surgery.
28:18You think I kept asking Ethan
28:20to bring you food for no reason?
28:21I was giving you two a push.
28:23A pair of fools.
28:24One too scared to speak.
28:25One too scared to want.
28:27If I didn't push,
28:27how long would you have dragged it out?
28:30My mom was helping us the whole time.
28:32I thought she'd say no,
28:33yell at me, be ashamed,
28:34but she was pushing us forward.
28:36I suddenly realized
28:37all that fear I had,
28:38it was just me putting on a one-man show.
28:40Both of you eat your own.
28:42Stop playing ping pong with the food.
28:44We're together now.
28:46No big moment.
28:47No announcement.
28:48It just happened.
28:49As naturally as breathing.
28:51I still think about the past sometimes.
28:53The day everything fell apart.
28:55The heartbreak when he told me to forget him.
28:57Those memories are still there.
28:59But now he's sitting right beside me,
29:01his foot brushing against mine
29:02as he eats the meal I made.
29:03The past hasn't disappeared.
29:04It just doesn't stand between us anymore.
29:06We left it behind.
29:07We left it behind.
29:08We left it behind.
29:08We left it behind.
29:09We left it behind.
29:09We left it behind.
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