00:00I told my therapist I had suicidal thoughts.
00:02He said I should pay in advance.
00:05Why don't cemeteries have Wi-Fi?
00:07Because people are already dying to get in.
00:10My doctor told me I had one year to live.
00:13I told him I couldn't pay the bill.
00:15He gave me five more.
00:17I have an EpiPen.
00:18My friend gave it to me as he was dying.
00:21It seemed very important to him.
00:23My wife left me because of my obsession with past events.
00:27At least that's what I think she said.
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