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Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Four years. You'd think by now this place would feel like home.
00:04Mom died before I could remember her face.
00:07Dad followed when I was nine.
00:10Aunt Vera says I stubbornest to be back at Tunesville.
00:13Aunt Vera, I'm back on campus.
00:17Did you eat? Don't skip meals just because I'm not watching.
00:19I ate.
00:21Paloma, last year. Make it count, okay?
00:26I'll try.
00:32Senior year, one last September, then I disappear from here and no one will notice.
00:44Have you heard about the new physics professor?
00:47They say she made a grad student cry on her first day at her last university.
00:50Ice queen. Apparently she never smiles.
00:58I am Professor Zinnia. I don't repeat myself.
01:01I don't accept excuses.
01:03And I don't care about your feelings.
01:05You.
01:07Last row.
01:09Entropy is the measure of disorder in a system.
01:12Poetic.
01:13Also imprecise, incomplete, and exactly the kind of answer that earns you nothing in my class.
01:21She looked at me like I was nothing.
01:23So why did it feel like she saw everything?
01:34Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.
01:36Are you dead?
01:37Please don't be dead.
01:38I can't afford the lawsuit.
01:41You don't look fine.
01:42You look like someone who organizes her notes by color.
01:44Oh wow, you actually do.
01:47Can I have that back?
01:49Lyra, transfer student.
01:50Chaos enthusiast.
01:51You?
01:52Late.
01:53Perfect.
01:54Me too.
01:55We're bonded now.
02:01So here's what I figured out in 48 hours.
02:03The soup here is a war crime.
02:05The library smells like heartbreak.
02:06And you?
02:07You eat alone every single day.
02:09Are you stalking me?
02:11Observing.
02:12There's a legal distinction.
02:14I've decided to adopt you.
02:17I'm not a stray cat.
02:19You literally eat in the corner and avoid eye contact.
02:22You're the definition of a stray cat.
02:24I don't need friends.
02:26Great.
02:27I don't need permission.
02:28Voice.
02:30Voice.
02:30Last week I assigned reading.
02:3240 pages.
02:33Who didn't finish?
02:36Voss.
02:37Stand up.
02:43Your assignment.
02:46Where is it?
02:47Professor, I...
02:48My laptop crashed and I...
02:50Are you blind?
02:51Or just...
02:52Brainless?
02:54Brainless?
03:01The deadline was 72 hours ago.
03:04A laptop crash takes 10 minutes to resolve.
03:07You had 4,300 minutes.
03:10Sit down.
03:10Don't waste any more of them.
03:12That woman is a psychopath.
03:23Uh...
03:23Before you leave, Professor Zinnia requires a teaching assistant for this semester.
03:28Appellations are open through Friday.
03:30Details on the department board.
03:33Don't even think about it.
03:36Friday.
03:41You're thinner.
03:43I'm fine, Aunt Vera.
03:44You always say that.
03:46Even when you were 12, standing at the funeral home.
03:49In shoes two sizes too big.
03:51I'm fine.
03:52You don't have to be fine.
03:54Not with me.
03:55I applied for a teaching assistant position.
03:57Professor Zinnia's class.
03:59The one they call the Ice Queen?
04:01She's...
04:02Precise.
04:03I want to learn from that.
04:04Just promise me.
04:06Don't disappear into someone else's world to avoid building your own.
04:09I promise.
04:13Good afternoon.
04:14I'm a volunteer.
04:15A volunteer who brings books.
04:17Sit.
04:18Sit.
04:19Poetry mostly.
04:20And one physics textbook wrong bag.
04:22Keep the physics.
04:23My daughter would say poetry is a waste of neurons.
04:26She sounds intense.
04:28She is.
04:29She got that from her father.
04:30I gave her the stubbornness.
04:31You have kind eyes.
04:33The kind that have seen too much too early.
04:36You're very perceptive.
04:38I'm very old.
04:40Same thing.
04:51Professor Zinnia, the lecture summaries are organized by week.
04:54I cross-referenced the syllabus with...
04:55Page seven.
04:56Third paragraph.
04:57Quam entanglement describes part of metaphor connected.
05:00Fundamentally.
05:01Used isn't where precision's demanded a qualifier.
05:03I can fix.
05:03You can redo all of it.
05:05If one page is careless, every page is suspect.
05:07I'll have it back by this afternoon.
05:09You'll have it back by noon.
05:22No errors.
05:24Not as hopeful as I expected.
05:26That's all.
05:26Is there anything else for today?
05:29The Midterdam problem sets need formatting.
05:31Templates are on the shared drive and stop hovering.
05:35Would it change anything if I did?
05:37No.
05:38But most people do anyway.
05:41This is an intervention.
05:43I'm fine.
05:44You've said I'm fine 6,000 times since I met you.
05:47You reek of printer ink and despair.
05:51She's demanding.
05:53Not unreasonable.
05:55She made you redo 30 pages over one word.
05:58One imprecise word.
05:59Paloma, you're defending her.
06:00That's the part that scares me.
06:02I just want to prove I belong there.
06:04You belong everywhere you stand.
06:07You don't need her to confirm that.
06:13Put that down.
06:14I'm sorry.
06:15It fell.
06:15I didn't get out.
06:20Professor Zaninia, Vos was selected through proper channels.
06:23His qualifications are...
06:24Irrelevant.
06:25His preliminary annotations.
06:2717 errors in 12 pages.
06:29Three of them fundamental.
06:32He's a strong student.
06:33I don't need strong.
06:35I need precise.
06:36He is neither.
06:37I'll select my own assistant.
06:39Or I'll work without one entirely and you can explain to departments where your flagship course has no TA support.
06:43Who do you want?
06:45Paloma.
06:46The girl who applied and didn't make the cut?
06:49The girl whose application had zero errors.
06:58Professor Zaninia, I'll be brief.
07:00The TA position is yours.
07:02What?
07:03But the results have changed.
07:06Don't understand.
07:07This isn't charity.
07:08You are simply the least interrestating option available to me.
07:12When do I start?
07:14Tomorrow.
07:158 sharp.
07:15My office.
07:16Bring nothing you aren't prepared to have criticized.
07:18And Paloma, I don't repeat instructions.
07:21Ever.
07:26You're early.
07:27You said you don't repeat instructions.
07:29Sit.
07:29Rule one.
07:30Everything in this office stays in this office.
07:32Rule two.
07:32I am not your mentor, your friend, or your confidant.
07:35Rule three.
07:36Don't make me regret this.
07:37I won't.
07:41We'll see.
07:54Hey, did you get it?
07:57No.
07:57What?
07:58That's insane.
07:59You had the highest GPA and...
08:01It's fine.
08:03They chose someone qualified.
08:05You are someone qualified!
08:07You should...
08:08Chug.
08:08Please.
08:28Professor Zinnia?
08:40Get up.
08:41We're going to the night market.
08:42I don't want to.
08:43That wasn't a question.
08:44Pick one.
08:45The frog or the dinosaur.
08:48Chugog.
08:49I really thought I had it.
08:51But moping in bed won't make Professor Ice Queen change her mind.
08:54Fried squid might.
08:56You're impossible.
08:57That's the nicest thing anyone's said to me today.
09:06Just like that.
09:08No explanation.
09:09No warning.
09:10The door was open, but the room was closed.
09:13He's been at this for 23 years.
09:15Never lost his nerve once.
09:16Must be nice.
09:17Knowing exactly what to cut and what to keep.
09:20We're not talking about surgery, are we?
09:23We absolutely are.
09:24He offered to mentor you.
09:26Part-time at the veterinary sciences wing.
09:28Real work.
09:28Stable path.
09:29I'm not telling you what to choose.
09:30I'm telling you choices exist.
09:32Not everything worth doing has to hurt.
09:56What are you doing here?
09:58Visiting Auntie Meng.
10:00I come every Thursday.
10:01She's sleeping.
10:03I know.
10:05You should go home.
10:07You too.
10:09The vending machine only had green tea.
10:11I know it's not your preference.
10:30You're two minutes early.
10:31You said don't be late.
10:33I didn't say arrive early either.
10:35Sit.
10:36The mid or dom data needs recoding.
10:37The previous format was in AttaWit.
10:39The format you last week?
10:40Last week, I had lower standards.
10:42Sit.
10:44Column three.
10:45Your variable labels are inconsistent.
10:47Which labels?
10:48Here.
10:49Pomoma.
10:50You see it?
10:51Yes.
10:56Hold still.
11:00Why are you doing this?
11:02Doing what?
11:03This.
11:04All of it.
11:05You shut me out.
11:06Email only.
11:07No contact.
11:08A week of silence.
11:10And now you pull me back into this room and you touch me like I corrected your data.
11:14Don't dramatize.
11:15Why did you shut me out and then pull me back?
11:18Don't flatter yourself.
11:19Then look me in the eye and tell me I imagined all of it.
11:23You're dismissed.
11:24Leave the files.
11:27You look like a thermometer about to pop.
11:29I'm not.
11:30What happened in that office?
11:31Nothing.
11:31It's warm in here.
11:32It's warm in here?
11:34Paloma.
11:34I'm your friend.
11:36Your only friend, statistically.
11:38Talk to me.
11:39She confuses me.
11:41Is she not confusion on your face, babe?
11:43That's something worse.
11:48Stop.
11:49Stop this.
11:54You gave this a 62.
11:56I'm aware of what I gave it.
11:57The methodology is sound.
11:58The site and Alyssa current falls as every framework you outlined in lecture.
12:01And yet it's mediocre.
12:02No, you graded this differently because of what happened.
12:04Because you're...
12:05You think I'd compromise atomic standards over what?
12:07A power outage?
12:08A candle?
12:09Over the fact that you're scared.
12:11You don't know the first thing about what scares me.
12:14You want a lesson in fear?
12:15I have other ways to make you remember your place.
12:18Then teach me.
12:20Get out.
12:23Professor.
12:24Now.
12:43She could have said anything.
12:45Done anything to push me away.
12:47She chose the one thing that would pull me closer.
12:51And she knows it.
13:06The thing about rumors is, they don't need to be true.
13:10They just need to be loud.
13:16I'm going to ask you something and I need you not to deflect.
13:19Sure.
13:19Are you sleeping with her?
13:20No.
13:21God, no.
13:22She's my professor.
13:23Sir, that's not a denial.
13:24That's a job title.
13:27I'm not judging you.
13:28I'm scared for you.
13:31Miss Sue.
13:32Would you care to explain why your derivation skips three steps and arrives at a conclusion
13:36that violates conservations of energy?
13:38Implied.
13:39Physics doesn't deal in implications.
13:41It deals in proof.
13:45I'm sorry.
13:46That was necessary.
13:48Necessary.
13:48She humiliated me in front of 40 people and called it necessary.
13:55Annie?
13:56Mrs. Meng.
13:57She collapsed this afternoon.
13:58They've moved her to the ICU.
13:59I thought you'd want to know.
14:00What happened?
14:01I have to go.
14:10How is she?
14:12Stable.
14:14For now.
14:15Can I see her?
14:17Why?
14:17Because I care about her.
14:20Visiting hours ended at eight.
14:22I know.
14:23I'm not leaving.
14:25I'm not leaving.
14:47She held on.
14:49All night, she held on.
14:54I can't leave.
15:14I couldn't send it.
15:26I'll have it done by tomorrow.
15:30Tonight.
15:31Tonight, then.
15:32The hospital called.
15:34My mother's white cell count still passed.
15:36I know.
15:36I called the nurse's station this morning.
15:40You didn't have to do that.
15:42I know.
16:02I said, don't read into it.
16:04I had extras.
16:05You don't eat chocolate.
16:07You told your mother it gives you migraines.
16:09Then clearly, they're not for me.
16:11Stop making this a conversation.
16:21She gave you the chocolates?
16:24She said she had extras.
16:26Since she decided caring about people was a tactical Ezra, she'll never tell you what it means.
16:30But the fact that she let you see it.
16:32Palema.
16:33That's not extras.
16:34That's a woman who doesn't know how to say what she feels, so he says it and pretends it's chocolating.
16:38She went three stores.
16:39Three.
16:39For a woman she claims is just the least annoysing option.
16:42I know what chocolate means.
16:43I know what silence means.
16:45The question is whether she'll ever let herself mean it out loud.
16:51You won't even look at me?
16:53After everything?
16:55There's nothing to look at.
16:57God, you're still doing this.
16:59The Ice Queen Act.
17:00It was boring three years ago.
17:01Then why are you here?
17:05Because I heard your teaching again, playing human.
17:08I wanted to see it for myself.
17:18Zinnia, wait.
17:19This isn't...
17:23And now?
17:24What, you'll just keep punishing every woman who gets close?
17:28That little TA of yours, is she next?
17:31Leave.
17:33Make me.
17:35Professor Zinnia, your three o'clock meeting is now.
17:38And you must be leaving.
17:41She's brave.
17:43You'll fix that.
17:53There is no three o'clock meeting.
17:57You shouldn't have done that.
18:01Probably not.
18:07The sound of someone trying not to break in public.
18:10I've been making it my whole life.
18:16That's three days now.
18:20Zinnia.
18:21It's me.
18:23At least eat something.
18:30Professor, I brought congee and the grading rubric you wanted for next week.
18:34I'll leave it here.
18:35You don't have to open it.
18:45I checked your office, the hospital, the parking lot.
18:48This was my last guess.
18:50Then your instincts are unfortunately accurate.
18:52You don't have to talk.
18:53I'll just sit here.
18:54I didn't ask you to come.
18:57I know.
18:58She said I don't know how to love without destroying.
19:00She's not wrong.
19:01She's your ex.
19:02She's supposed to say the cruelest possible thing.
19:04And if it's true,
19:05then you'd have destroyed me by now.
19:07You haven't.
19:08Why won't you leave me alone?
19:10Because someone should have stayed for you the first time.
19:22You should have let me stay lost.
19:33Get up.
19:34We're leaving.
19:36I have reading to finish.
19:38You've been reading the same page for three days.
19:42I checked.
19:43You haven't turned it once.
19:44I'm declaring an emotional detox day.
19:46Non-decatable.
19:47Doctor's orders.
19:48You're not a doctor.
19:49I'm pre-law.
19:50Close enough.
19:51I argue people into wellness.
19:53You look terrible.
19:54Perfect.
19:55Let's go.
19:55Get in.
19:56Paloma.
19:57In four years, you have never once done something stupid.
20:00That's the real tragedy of your life.
20:01I've done plenty of stupid things.
20:04Name one.
20:06Exactly.
20:07Get in the cart.
20:08Ty!
20:16See?
20:17One day without thinking about quantum physics or impossible women,
20:20and you remember you're 22.
20:22I'm sorry.
20:23I don't know why I'm...
20:25Don't apologize.
20:26Cry.
20:27That's the whole point.
20:32I don't know what's happening with you.
20:33You don't have to tell me.
20:35But I'm not going anywhere.
20:37Okay?
20:38Even when you're being annoyingly mysterious and emotionally constipated.
20:41I don't know.
21:08I'm not going anywhere.
21:14She always pulls me back
21:15And I always let her
21:22Tomorrow
21:23Tomorrow
21:34You're early
21:35You said 9
21:37I said 9
21:38It's 8.47
21:43Sit down
21:43We need to review the lecture material for next week
21:46Black holes
21:48Gravitational collapse
21:49Event horizons
21:51Singularities
21:51You're covering all of chapter 12?
21:53Just the section on points of no return
21:56Do you know what an event horizon actually is?
21:59The boundary around a black hole
22:00Beyond it, nothing escapes
22:02Not even light
22:03Textbook answer
22:04It's not about physics
22:04Not really
22:05It's about the moment you'd realize you've crossed a line
22:07And there's no inward
22:08And you can't fight it
22:09You can't even see it happening back
22:10Every force in the universe pulling you inward
22:12You can't fight it
22:13You can't even see it happening until it's already done
22:15What does?
22:16Gravitational collapse
22:18Pay attention
22:22Most people think black holes destroy everything
22:25They don't
22:26They don't
22:28They transform it
22:29That sounds lonely
22:31It is
22:32What if someone fell in winningly?
22:36Then they'd be a fool
22:37Or brave
22:43You should go
22:45Why do you always do that?
22:47Open a door
22:47Then slam it shut
22:49Because I know what's on the other side
22:52So do I
22:59Professor Zinnia
23:00It's Dean Jovan
23:01May I come in?
23:02One moment
23:05Good, you're both here
23:06I'll be direct
23:08An anonymous complaint
23:10Has been filed with the Factory Ethics Board
23:12Regarding, and I quote
23:14Inappropriate conduct
23:15Between a professor and her teaching assistant
23:17And you're here to investigate?
23:21I'm here to inform you
23:22Formally
23:23The board will review the complaint next week
23:25I trust there's nothing to find
23:32Get out
23:33Now
23:41Sit down
23:43I'd rather stand
23:44The Dean will call you in this afternoon
23:47Standard preprocedural interview
23:49You'll answer every question truthfully
23:51Which means you'll say there is no relationship
23:54Because there isn't one
23:55We are professor and teaching assistant
23:57Nothing more
23:58Whatever you think happened
23:59Whatever I think happened
24:01Or nothing happened
24:02That is the truth
24:04Say it
24:06Nothing happened
24:08Good
24:08Now leave
24:10And don't come to this office unless summoned
24:13You know, you don't have to make it hurt this much
24:14To make it convincing
24:18An anonymous concern was raised
24:20And the university has an obligation to follow up
24:24I understand
24:25How would you describe your working relationship
24:28With Professor Zinnia?
24:30Professional
24:31She assigns tasks
24:33I complete them
24:35Has she ever asked you to meet outside of academic settings?
24:39No
24:40Has she ever made you feel uncomfortable?
24:43Professor Zinnia is demanding
24:45That's not the same as appropriate
24:47No
24:47It isn't
24:48Thank you, Miss Sue
24:49That will be all
24:59You were called to the dean's office
25:03It was nothing
25:04Routine check on the TA program
25:06Pomoma
25:09What?
25:10I'm not stupid
25:11And I'm not blind
25:12The way you talk about her
25:13The way
25:15Don't talk about her
25:16The hours you spend in that office
25:18The fact that you cried for three days
25:20After she cancelled classes
25:22And you won't tell me why
25:23You're in love with her
25:28It's not what you think
25:29I'm not judging you
25:31I'm scared for you
25:32She's your professor
25:34She has all the power
26:02I can literally hear you
26:04Overthinking through the wall
26:05I'm not ready for
26:07It's coffee
26:08Not a marriage proposal
26:09One hour
26:13You don't have a hamster
26:14Exactly
26:16Untraceable
26:21One hour
26:22Show gauge said you're a physics TA
26:24That's intimidating
26:25Former TA
26:26It's complicated
26:27Everything worth doing is
26:28I switched majors three times
26:31There it is
26:32You have a great laugh
26:33You should let it out more
26:34So what finally stuck
26:35Your major
26:36Art history
26:37I like stuttering beautiful things
26:38That don't love you back
26:40I know the feeling
26:54Sonia
26:54The department meeting moved to
26:57Don't do this to yourself
26:58I'm not doing anything
27:01That's the problem
27:04Close the door on your way out
27:14She told me this could never happen
27:17She told me to forget
27:19So why does moving on feel like betrayal?
27:46Where are you?
27:51Professor Zinnia
27:52You said you needed
27:53The Mitterdarm files reviewed
27:55Close the door
27:57There are no files
27:58Are there?
28:00No
28:01How was your evening
28:02Last Thursday?
28:04Excuse me
28:04The cafe on Woming Road
28:06Seven o'clock
28:07The girl with the earrings
28:09You were watching me?
28:11I was passing by
28:13You don't live anywhere near Woming Road
28:15Is that what you want?
28:17Someone who smiles on command
28:18Someone uncomplicated
28:20Maybe
28:20Yes
28:21Maybe that's exactly what I want
28:23Then go
28:24Go be happy with someone simple
28:25Don't do that
28:28Don't pretend you're giving me permission
28:29When you're really asking me to stay
28:34I'm not asking you anything
28:35No
28:36You never ask
28:37You dismiss
28:38You cancel classes and disappear
28:40And the next me at midnight
28:41Like nothing
28:41I told you this was over
28:43Then why am I here?
28:45Did you call me to an empty building
28:46At nine o'clock at night?
28:48Because I can't stop
28:49Can't stop what?
28:51Thinking about you sitting across from her
28:52Laughing
28:53The way you used to my office
28:55Before I
28:55Before you what?
28:57Before I ruined it
28:58You didn't ruin it
29:00You ran from it
29:01And I was right to
29:03Look at us
29:04Look at what this does
29:06At least she's not afraid to want me
29:21This can never happen again
29:26Sinia
29:28Don't
29:32But it did
29:43You don't have to explain
29:46I could tell
29:46That's not fair to you
29:48You deserve an actual
29:49Explanation
29:51Okay
29:52Explain
29:53My heart is somewhere
29:54It shouldn't be
29:55And it wouldn't be right
29:56To keep pretending it isn't
29:58You know most people just say
29:59I'm not feeling a connection
30:01You're wonderful
30:01That's what makes this worse
30:03Whoever it is
30:04I hope they know what they have
30:07They don't
30:08Do they?
30:23You broke up with Morwen
30:25It wasn't a breakup
30:26It was one date
30:28And you ended it
30:29Because of her
30:34I'm not gonna lecture you
30:36I just need to know
30:37Are you okay?
30:39No
30:41Okay
30:41That's honest
30:43That's something
31:00You kissed me like the world was ending
31:03And now you can't even walk past me
31:11You can't just
31:12You kissed me
31:13You don't get to pretend it didn't happen
31:15Lower your voice
31:16No
31:17You dragged me into an empty room
31:19You held my face in your hands
31:21You kissed me like you meant it
31:22And then you ran
31:25It was a mistake
31:27Say that to my face without looking away
31:31That's what I thought
31:34What do you want me to say?
31:35That you feel it too
31:41Saturday
31:437pm
31:43My apartment
31:48Don't be late
31:58What am I doing?
32:08Hot date it with your mystery study group?
32:10It's not I'm just going to dinner
32:12With a friend
32:13You've changed tops
32:16Four times for a friend
32:19Wear the dark blue
32:20It makes you look like you're not trying
32:23Whoever it is you look terrified and happy
32:25That's either very good or very bad
32:28I don't know which one yet
32:30Just come home okay?
32:33I told myself I wouldn't come
32:34I told myself 12 times between campus and here
32:37My feet didn't listen
32:42You're late
32:43You said 7
32:46It's 7.02
32:48Then you're late
32:52You cooked
32:55Don't sound so alarmed
32:58Is this supposed to be
33:00It's carbonara
33:04Approximately
33:05Approximately
33:09That bad?
33:12I've had worse
33:13You're lying
33:18I'm being diplomatic
33:20I haven't cooked for anyone in three years
33:22Then I'm honored to survive it
33:37You drove 20 minutes to avoid being seen with me
33:40I drove 20 minutes because they have better pastries
33:46Stop smiling like that
33:47You look conspicuous
33:50I look happy
33:51You should try it
33:52Eat your cake
34:09In public
34:10I don't exist
34:12I'm not her student
34:13Not her lover
34:14Not even someone she recognized
34:19I'm no one
34:28You canceled on me three times this week
34:32I've been busy with TA work
34:35On a Saturday night
34:37On a Sunday morning
34:41I'm not stupid Paloma
34:43You disappear for hours
34:45You come back smelling like someone else's apartment
34:47You won't look me in the eye
34:48I don't need to know who
34:50I need to know you're okay
34:52I'm okay
34:54You've changed
34:57And not in a good way
35:04I want to tell Shayog
35:06Not everything
35:07Just
35:08That there's someone
35:10No
35:11She's my best friend
35:12She already suspects
35:13And if she talks
35:14If she talks
35:15It reached the department
35:16If it reaches the department
35:18I lose everything
35:19What about what I'm losing?
35:22What are you losing?
35:23Her
35:23My best friend
35:25Because I can't stop lying to her face
35:29Then that's the cost
35:31Is that what I am?
35:33A cost you manage?
35:34She holds me like I'm everything
35:36Then walk past me like I'm nothing
35:39And I keep letting her
35:42Am I disappearing into her?
35:49You've lost weight
35:50I've been busy
35:51Vinyls are coming
35:51That's not what I asked
35:53You stopped calling on Wednesdays
35:55You cancelled twice last month
35:56And right now you're sitting in my kitchen
35:58Looking like you haven't slept in a week
36:00Auntie
36:00I'm not interrogating you
36:02I'm telling you what I see
36:04If you love someone
36:05And the only way to be with them
36:08Was to become invisible
36:09Would you stay?
36:10I watched your mother disappear
36:12Into a man who made her feel small
36:13She stayed
36:14And it cost her everything
36:16You are not her, Paloma
36:18You don't have to be
36:22You look worse than I do
36:23I'm fine
36:24You always say that
36:26It's never true
36:28That girl, Paloma
36:30She hasn't visited in two weeks
36:32She's busy with coursework
36:33I'm dying
36:34Which means I've earned the right
36:35To say what I see
36:36You love her
36:37And you're hiding her
36:38Like something to be ashamed of
36:39It's not shame
36:40It's protection
36:41For whom?
36:43If you love her
36:44Love her in the light
36:44The dark will eat you both alive
36:51I can't keep doing this
36:53Doing what?
36:54Being someone you only want in the dark
36:55Walking past you on campus
36:57Like I'm no one
36:57Lying to the only people who love me
36:59I need you to let me in
37:01Really in
37:02Or I need to go
37:03And what does in look like to you?
37:05I lose my career
37:07You lose your degree
37:08We become a scandal
37:09We become real
37:11Real doesn't survive institutions, Paloma
37:13Real doesn't survive gossip and boards
37:14And real survives everything
37:16If you're brave enough to choose it
37:20Then maybe you should stop coming
37:27I used to think you were protecting me
37:29But you're just protecting yourself
37:31Goodbye, Professor
37:48Paloma, you've been here since 6
37:50Take a break
37:55The body is a useful thing
37:57It keeps moving
37:58Even when everything inside has stopped
38:07Zinnia
38:08The department meeting was an hour ago
38:11Cancel it
38:12I can't cancel something that already happened without you
38:16How many days has it been since you've eaten a real meal?
38:19I'm not your project, Coralie
38:21No, you're my friend
38:22And you're disappearing
38:24I made the right decision
38:28Then why do you look like this?
38:30She's working double shifts at the hospital
38:32She's not eating either
38:33In case you were wondering
38:34I wasn't
38:40Eat
38:40Or don't
38:41But stop pretending you're fine
38:43You're terrible at it
38:52Open your door
38:56Before you say you're not hungry
38:58I don't care
39:01I owe you an apology
39:02What I said
39:04That you changed
39:04That it wasn't good
39:05I was scared
39:06Not angry
39:07I should have stayed instead of judging
39:09You weren't wrong
39:10Maybe
39:11But I wasn't kind either
39:13And you needed kind
39:14Koge, I
39:15I've been so stupid
39:17Tell me
39:18I fell in love with her
39:19With Professor Zinnia
39:21And I knew
39:22I knew it would end like this
39:24Then fight for yourself
39:25Not for her
39:26For you
39:28Dear Zinnia
39:29I'm not writing this to bring you back
39:31I'm writing this so I can finally say
39:33Everything I swallowed to keep you comfortable
39:35You taught me that gravity is the weakest force in the universe
39:37It held me to you long after I should have let go
39:39This letter is not a door left open
39:41It's my way of closing one
39:48I didn't write it to get you back
39:49I wrote it because there were things I needed to say while I still had the language for them
39:54That loving you was not my mistake
39:56That loosing myself was
39:58You taught me that love isn't always gentle
40:00Sometimes it's a hand on your throat disguised as an embrace
40:03I let you hold me there because I thought if I stayed long enough you'd loosen your grip
40:07You never did
40:07But I don't blame you
40:09You held on the only way you knew how
40:11And I stayed the only way how by disappearing
40:13I loved the woman in the dark office who whispered about loneliness
40:16I loved the woman who went to three stores for chocolate
40:20I loved you
40:21Past tense
40:22Because I have to
40:32You look terrible
40:34Let me guess, a student
40:36What do you want, Manchuang?
40:37I heard you've been spiraling, canceling, classes, Coley's whispering
40:44I came to see the wreckage in person
40:47You came to gloat
40:48I came to remind you what you are
40:51You don't know how to love without destroying
40:53You proved it with me
40:55Now you're proving it with her
40:59I destroyed us
41:01You were in our bed with someone else
41:03And you made it so easy to leave
41:05Cold, controlling, suffocating
41:07That girl will figure it out eventually if she hasn't already
41:12Let her go, Zinnia
41:14It's the only kind thing you're capable of
41:37One last time
41:44You said one last time
41:46Sit down
41:48I'll stand
41:49I asked you here because you deserve a clean ending
41:53Not silence, not evidance
41:55A clean ending
41:57Yes
41:58Is that what this is?
42:00I'm transferring
42:01Next semester, different university
42:03So the paperwork is already filed
42:06So you called me here to inform me you're running away
42:10Properly this time
42:12I called you here to let you go
42:13You already did that
42:15In your apartment
42:17Remember?
42:18This is different
42:19How?
42:21How is this different?
42:24Because this time I'm making sure I can't take it back
42:34You read my letter
42:35Every word
42:36And your answer is a transfer form
42:39My answer is removing myself from your life before I do more damage
42:43Sylvie was right
42:44I don't know how to love without
42:46Don't!
42:47Don't you dare use her words as your shield
42:49You want a clean ending?
42:50Then listen
42:52Because I have things to say
42:53And I will only say them once
42:59I loved you
43:00Not the version you performed in read halls
43:02Not the version that knew exactly where to touch me to make me stop
43:07I loved the woman who burned dinner and laughed about it
43:09Who wrote makes physics feel less lonely in the margers when she thought no one would see
43:14I loved you with everything I had
43:16And it wasn't enough
43:17Not because you decided long before you met me that no one would ever be enough
43:20So here's what I need you to hear
43:21I'm not angry anymore
43:22I'm not waiting anymore
43:23I will not let loving you teach me that I'm not enough
43:25Thank you for loving me
43:27Even badly
43:28Even scared
43:34I love you
43:53Thank you for the extras
43:58I had it
43:59I had her
44:10What if someone fell in willingly?
44:22Paloma?
44:24Can I come home for a while?
44:26The bed's already made
44:33Auntie, I...
44:36I loved someone
44:38And I lost her
44:39I know
44:41Loving someone doesn't always mean you get to keep them
44:44But you'll always have yourself
44:46And you'll always have me
44:58Some people write love letters
44:59She wrote equations
45:01And buried the truth in the margins where she thought no one would look
45:20Pamoma
45:20Bachelor of Science
45:22Honors
45:27I thought this would feel like arriving somewhere
45:29It feels like standing in an empty room after everyone's left
45:43Remember when I sat at your table
45:45And you looked at me like I'd committed a felony?
45:49You stole my dumpling
45:51I liberated your dumpling
45:52There's a difference
45:53And here
45:54Where I decided you were going to be my person
45:56Whether you liked it or not
46:00I didn't like it
46:01You loved it
46:05I loved it
46:06So
46:08Beijing for you
46:08Xinjiang for me
46:10That's not so far
46:12Paloma
46:12We're going to say we'll call every week
46:14Then it'll be every month
46:15Then holidays
46:15Then just birthdays
46:16Then
46:17Don't
46:20I'm not being sad
46:21I'm being honest
46:22That's what you taught me
46:23Annoyingly
46:31I need you to know something
46:34Lyra
46:37Before you I had a hundred friends and nobody who actually knew me
46:40You were the first person who saw the mess and didn't look away
46:44You broke into my life like a natural disaster
46:48Hurricane Leah
46:49Category 5
46:51Category 5
46:53Nothing in life goes as one wishes
46:56But some of it was perfect
47:19Can I help you?
47:20Excuse me
47:21I'm looking for someone
47:37Excuse me
47:39I'm looking for someone
47:40Hi
47:42Hi
47:47How did you find me?
47:49Your aunt
47:49I asked her
47:50She made me wait three months before she'd tell me
47:53That sounds like her
47:54I've been seeing someone
47:56A therapist
47:58Since January
47:59Good
47:59She's terrible
48:00Asked the worst questions
48:02That means she's good
48:06I didn't come to ask for anything
48:07I need you to know that
48:09Okay
48:09It came because I owe you something that isn't an apology
48:13Apologies are about me feeling better
48:15This is about you knowing the truth
48:16You were never the problem
48:17Every wall I built
48:19Every time I pushed you away
48:19That was my damage
48:20My fear with everything you had
48:21And I made you feel like it wasn't enough
48:23It was enough
48:25You were always enough
48:28I know that now
48:32How's your mother?
48:33Better
48:33She asks about you
48:35Every week
48:37Tell her I'll visit
48:39She'd like that
48:42You look different
48:44Worse
48:46Softer
48:47I read your letter
48:48Every day for a month
48:50Then my therapist said
48:51I was using it
48:51Took a punishment
48:52Instead of healing
48:52Was she right?
48:54She's always right
48:56I hate her
49:00I forgive you
49:03I forgive myself
49:05But I can't go back
49:07I know
49:12Will you be okay?
49:14I already am
49:19Some people are not meant to stay
49:20They're meant to change you
49:22She taught me that love is not enough
49:23But it is not nothing
49:24She taught me that choosing yourself
49:26Is nothing as giving up
49:27And she taught me that the bravest thing you can do
49:29Is walk into the sun
49:30And let the light find you
49:31She taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that
49:36she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that
49:39she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that
49:39she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that
49:39she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that
49:39she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that
49:39she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that
49:39she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that
49:39she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that
49:39she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that
49:39she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that
49:41she
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