- 11 hours ago
The AC Went Out That Summer - Full EP
The AC Went Out That Summer - Full EP
The AC Went Out That Summer - Full EP
The AC Went Out That Summer - Full EP
The AC Went Out That Summer - Full EP
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Short filmTranscript
00:09two years that's how long i've hated my stepbrother samir counting from the day my mom married his
00:15dad 12 years older than me what gave him the right to crash into my life take my mom move
00:22into my house but today the heat's burning through the whole house the ac's dead it's just me and
00:29him up here he crouches at the edge of my bed working the wiring sweat slides down the muscle
00:36of his forearm and i'm pressed into the corner knees clamping tighter and tighter beyond my
00:40control he's supposed to be the person i hate most but the second his sweat soaked back turns
00:45and those eyes land on me charged now with something else something inside me cracks
00:50clean open and god help me i don't want him to stop
00:5598 degrees the ac in my room died this morning just gave out i hate this house the way it
01:04is now
01:05anyway i hate the day mom married kevin and packed him and his quiet 30 something son into my life
01:14two years now every wrong thing under this roof started that day too hot to think
01:22i've kicked off my shorts a tank strap slipping off my shoulder and flopped back on the bed to call
01:30her
01:40mom my ac's broken i'm melting up here her end is all rattling carts and store announcements
01:46i know i know i'm at the store back soon have your brother look at it he's coming home for
01:52lunch anyway
01:57your brother those two words set me off but my brain won't listen it pulls him up before i can
02:04stop it he does hvac fixes ac lines and pipes all day always slick with sweat last week in the
02:12kitchen
02:13head tipped back chugging ice water his throat working with every swallow
02:19a drop running down his jaw to his collar pine the muscle in his forearm bunching tight as he
02:25cranked a valve i press my thighs together and hate myself the second i do i hate him i really
02:33do
02:34so what the hell is this downstairs the front door clicks open the stairs groan step by step
02:42under someone much heavier than me that's when i remember what i'm wearing
02:47i lunge for the shorts on my chair too late the door swings open samir work pants gray tank
02:56soaked through and clean every line of his chest and stomach right there toolbox in hand the hair at
03:03his forehead damp in strands i should look away i don't my eyes dragged down on their own
03:10his slick chest his tensed forearms and finally see something you like his voice comes out rough the
03:19corner of his mouth tipping up caught heat shoots all the way to my ears i ripped the blanket up
03:26over
03:26myself who who's looking at you don't flatter yourself he doesn't look away the smirk only deepens
03:33his throat moves once the ac he steps in drops the toolbox and looks down at me curled up small
03:42where is it over there i jerk my chin at the unit in the corner and pull the blanket tighter
03:50he doesn't move right away first those heavy eyes drag over me then he comes
03:58the unit sits high on the wall above my headboard my bed right under it
04:02the room's small and a man his size only makes it smaller
04:08he takes one look and frowns get down why should i i dig my heels in though it sounds hollow
04:16the moment
04:16it's out two years and this is all i know how to do with him bristle jab push back mom
04:24remarried he
04:25and kevin moved in and the house stopped being just hers and mine i came home for the summer wanting
04:33some quiet and now i share even my breathing room with this stranger i can dodge him for an afternoon
04:40not for the long line of summers after he doesn't argue one knee on the edge of the bed and
04:47he stretches
04:47up toward the unit i shrink into the corner but the bed's only so big as he leans the soaped
04:55gray
04:55tank brushes my shin heat sweat that sun warmed smell of him all of it crashing over me at once
05:01his arm works a screw overhead the muscle bunching and releasing inches from my face
05:06i hold my breath i don't dare move no one's downstairs mom's still at the store the whole house is
05:12quiet
05:12just my sun-baked bedroom door shut sealed off from the rest of the world the thought sends a
05:18hotter prickle up my back up here door closed whatever happens no one below would know
05:25move over he says low his elbow pressing toward me there's nowhere to go his hip is against my
05:31drawn-up knees i'm wedged between him and the wall half of me pressed to his side
05:37i told you i can't get away from you he says glancing down his throat moving goes both ways
05:46he turns it a few times swears says the wiring's fried the whole thing has to come apart the minutes
05:52crawl the room's hot enough to swim in the two of us crammed into this scrap of space neither one
05:57talking my backs to the wall half of me against his sweat damp side the sweat glues us together skin
06:03to
06:03skin impossible to peel apart i should be disgusted i'm not i can feel the muscle in his side tighten
06:10with
06:10every turn of the screw that strength soaking through a thin film of sweat into my skin sinking
06:15low in my belly a picture rises before i can stop it if that hand weren't reaching for a screw
06:20overhead
06:21but sliding down my waist instead i kill the thought my face burns i hate him i think of the
06:27wedding day
06:27him standing there cold not even a hello two years ago i swore i'd never go soft for this man
06:33not once and right now my thighs are clamping together on their own the wet heat there is
06:39impossible to hide slick sticky mortifying it's the weather i lie to myself that's all just the heat
06:47irritated i try to shift to find room to breathe my knee moves and by accident grazes the inside of
06:55his thigh his hands stop the whole room goes still becca his voice drops to gravel it travels straight
07:02down my ear into my spine you'd better not move i don't listen my heart slamming and something
07:08hotter than hate eggs me on i push out again elbow digging into his side on purpose the next second
07:14his free hand clamps down on my waist a hand big enough to span half of it too strong to
07:18fight
07:18and it hauls me back against him my gasp jams in my throat my back hits his scalding sweat damp
07:24chest
07:24his heartbeat through two thin layers of cotton slams into my spine once again
07:34what are you doing i keep my voice down and claw at the arm locked across my waist
07:39it's cast iron it doesn't give i should break free drive an elbow into him call him a creep bolt
07:45downstairs but my body betrays me it sinks into him fitting against every scalding inch of him
07:51i can feel his breathing turn rough his chest rising and falling at my back
07:58he grunts my elbow jabbing his stomach and in the scramble quit it i won't give in and i'm even
08:05more scared he sees through me so i open my mouth for another jab nothing comes out his free hand
08:11lifts
08:11and closes around the front of my throat not hard but sure steady tipping the back of my head into
08:18the
08:18hollow of his shoulder every drop of blood in me runs cold then floods back scalding
08:25two years of fighting of cutting each other to the bone and he never once touched me
08:30but now his palm cradles my throat his thumb on the pulse going wild there and i'm not afraid
08:38being held completely in his hand helpless in his grip it turns me to water
08:45i'm in the same hell you are his mouth is at my ear his breath hot and horsey each word
08:50brended in
08:51but you are going to hold still his breath fans against the side of my face no more squirming
08:59no more little whimpers making it worse the hand on my throat tightens a fraction you hear me i try
09:05to nod only then does he ease off i guilt for air my heart wild enough to leap out of
09:10my chest
09:13for a long stretch i stay curled against him not daring to move his arm stays locked around my waist
09:18never once loosening and his thumb against the damp curve of my side moves slow up then down up then
09:24down every drag of it sends a current sliding down to the small of my back i clamp my thighs
09:29tighter
09:29and it only makes the want sharper i want more the thought scares me
09:35that's when downstairs the front door clicks open
09:40did your brother go up to fix your ac no no he didn't
09:45i call down forcing my voice into its usual annoyance he's probably off slacking somewhere
09:50again a beat of quiet below let me come up and look at it you can't sit in this heat
09:55the staircase creaks taking mom's weight one step my blood goes to ice i claw at his arm
10:04let go she's coming up let go of me he doesn't worse the hand that's been resting at my waist
10:10slides
10:11painfully slow down the line of my hip over my stomach over the dip of my hip bone lower still
10:17until it settles squarely over me through the thin fabric already soaked with sweat and something else
10:21my whole body bows tight a sharp high sound rushes up my throat i bite down on my lip and
10:26swallow it
10:26second stare creak he bends his head nose against my scalding ear and through the soaked fabric his palm
10:32grinds down on me not soft not hard once soaked like this and still lying that no one came up
10:41he
10:42breathes low and filthy samir it comes out a plea my voice in pieces please my mom his thumb presses
10:51again
10:51dragging a winner out of me before i can swallow it the hand doesn't move from where it is scared
10:55now
10:55third step mom's voice is closer he looks down at me held completely in his hand every breath a luxury
11:05now his eyes lit with something that makes me dizzy he leans to my ear word by word so how
11:11about you let
11:13your mom see exactly what you look like right now
11:26becca why is this locked from the inside
11:32his palm is still on me grinding in that slow podnishing way that has me shaking all over
11:36his breath brushes my ear answer her i i'm changing i call out my voice in pieces it's too
11:46hot i'm not dressed don't come in mom god this heat hurry up then come down and eat i got
11:52sandwiches and
11:52cold pasta salad step by step the stairs let her go soon there's the rustle of plastic bags the fridge
11:59opening and closing the threat ebbs i slump back against him ringed out gulping air furious and
12:06humiliated my eyes burning you're insane you actually would have he doesn't answer and he
12:11doesn't do what i expect doesn't let go and retreat behind the wall we've spent two years building
12:16he just holds me chin on my shoulder silent for a long time long enough that i can hear the
12:21fridge
12:21humming downstairs then he says it low without a trace of his usual sneer i don't want to let go
12:29i go rigid i twist around to look at him two years and i know every cruel thing he's ever
12:37said to me
12:38this wasn't a joke not even close
12:43we stay frozen like that downstairs mom's putting groceries away humming something tuneless
12:50the ac's still dead the heat lying thick on my skin but the heat running through me stopped being
12:56the weather a while ago i've been locked against him too long wound too tight now my lower back and
13:03the tops of my thighs start to cramp a deep dragging ache like the heaviness before my period i shift
13:09in
13:09small movements trying to work it loose don't move he says low but it's not his usual impatience
13:16it's horsey careful something i've never heard from him i shift again can't help it a small noun escapes
13:27both his thumbs have come to rest on the outsides of my thighs kneading slow back and forth the touch
13:33lifts every hair on me but the ache is worse i bite my lip and admit it my lower back
13:39and where my legs
13:41meet tense too long it aches i want to stretch but you're pinning me i can't move
13:49his hands pause on my legs bring your knees his voice drops lower up onto the bed
14:01i twist around to glare at him red-faced and lost neil neil how he pats the narrow space along
14:09his
14:09thighs feet here then taps the mattress in front of me knees here when it hits me what he's asking
14:17my face goes up in flames but the ache is unbearable and somehow i do it his hands settle on
14:22my hips and
14:22guide me forward easing my feet up one at a time knees spreading by the time i catch up i'm
14:26straddling
14:27his lap with my back to him a position so shameful my toes curl lean back he draws me against
14:33his
14:34chest head back on my shoulder my throat's dry and i obey without knowing why the back of my head
14:41finds the hollow of his shoulder my whole spine rising and falling against his scalding sweat
14:46damp chest his hands lock on my hips and slowly he bears down lifting my lower body arching it back
14:51into a deep bow inch by inch my whole torso pulls open the ache i've held for so long lets
14:56go all at
14:57once so good my eyes well up a long moan slips out before i can stop it
15:06he curses low behind my ear his nose bearing into the side of my neck dragging once hard his breathing
15:12goes racked his hands press in harder deepening the arch once twice open release each one melts the ache
15:19into something else burning up from the base of my spine we hold it for almost a minute before the
15:26arms carrying me start to shake i'm smaller than him but i'm no slip of a girl holding me up
15:34in midair
15:34like this would wear anyone down i'm better now a lie my face burns he grunts and lowers me back
15:42onto his
15:42lap but his hands don't leave my hips i know exactly what it means still straddling him back turned and
15:48for
15:49some reason neither of us moves to fix it two years of fighting and this is the longest we've ever
15:54sat
15:54together without tearing each other apart that alone unsettles me thanks i say it at last barely a
16:00whisper he hums the stubble on his jaw drags across my cheek with it and a fine melting tingle races
16:07up
16:07my spine i know i have to push it down pretend i didn't feel it downstairs mom's still busy in
16:14the
16:14kitchen humming off key his long fingers in time with every breath i take slowly tighten on my hips
16:22the heavy ache starts pulsing back i can't help squirming still hurts
16:30sorry he hesitates then his hands come slowly around from my sides to the front of me
16:35drop your back down
16:38the rasp in his voice impossible to hide now lift your hips a little
16:44he pushes my tank up and slides both hands into my shorts his squirting thumbs find the two aching
16:50knots at the base of my spine and press in steady grinding down in slow circles my lips tremble i
16:57suck
16:57in a breath and a moan i can't hold pills out his thumbs circle leaning in harder grinding the stiff
17:02ache loose inch by inch i clamp down on my tongue downstairs the tap is running mom washing the produce
17:07please god she heard nothing he stills for a few seconds then he knees deeper faster his hands spreading
17:13wider outward downward my hips move with his rhythm on their own his thumbs are too close enough to
17:19turn me to water in that place with every circle of his hands betrays me getting hotter and hotter
17:24samir
17:26his name comes out wrecked soft and clinging
17:29pleasure spreads in waves from where his fingers press melting every ache out of me
17:33i bite my lips between my teeth and strangle the next moan in my throat terrified they'll hear downstairs
17:39below the water surges louder and mom calls up just a few more minutes drowning out every sound i don't
17:47dare make and under that cover his hands the slides one inch lower his breathing changes too especially
17:55the moment he buries his face in the curve of my neck lips against my skin every hair on my
17:59nace stands
17:59up my whole spine shivers with that melting tingle then suddenly pulls his hands out of my shorts a small
18:04lost whimper leaks out of me before i can stop it the next second i want to disappear into the
18:08floor
18:08oh god he was just being decent for once working out a cramp and there i was panting and windering
18:15under his hands making those sounds i must have scared him off this silence stretches my heart still
18:22pounding over his hands over the mouth he'd press to my neck i get ready to pull away ready to
18:29say
18:29something ugly and that's when samir's fingers hook the edge of my shorts and tug one inch down his warm
18:36mouth grazes my ear good girl he breathes low and rough lift your hips for me again
18:44good girl lift your hips for me again the words land somewhere deep inside me
18:50i squeeze my eyes shut trying to quiet my racing heart and instead i just obey lifting my hips shaking
19:00downstairs mom's voice suddenly rises it hits like a bucket of ice water over my head
19:10samir goes rigid and i snap awake what am i doing my mom just got home she's right downstairs and
19:17here
19:17i am in my own room straddling my stepbrother lifting my hips because he told me to shame torches through
19:23me
19:23i shove his hands off scramble off his lap yank my shorts up not daring to look back i i'm
19:29i'm going
19:29down becca he says behind me i don't stop but just before i pull the door open i look back
19:34at him after
19:35all he's on the wrecked bed chest heaving hair soaked eyes burning into me not a trace of the usual
19:40sneer
19:41just something scorching cut off mid-breath i flee straight down the stairs
19:49i don't taste a single bite of that lunch across from me mom rattles on the store had a sale
19:56the
19:56neighbor's news why is your brother so quiet today i murmur back my whole heart still stuck in that
20:03burning room upstairs samir sits at the other end eating with his head down silent but i can feel it
20:10every time mom looks away his eyes land on me heavy hot enough that i can barely hold my fork
20:18oh i have to go help your aunt move some things this afternoon she's swamped becca you rest at home
20:22okay samir you're home this afternoon if the ac's still not fixed call someone don't let your sister
20:28roast my grip on the fork jumps afternoon house just the two of us my head snaps up right into
20:36his eyes
20:36looking at me past my mother he says nothing just the faintest tip of his mouth aimed at me
20:41and the string in me that just snap pulls tight again humming
20:48the second mom's out the door the house goes so quiet there's nothing left but my own heartbeat
20:56i shut myself in my room back to the door telling myself i'm going nowhere and opening for no one
21:02this morning's madness never happened i hate him i have to remember i hate him but my body won't
21:09obey just remembering the heat of his palm that good girl and my legs start to give again the stairs
21:17crack step by step taking the weight i can't escape the footsteps stop outside my door open up
21:25his voice comes through the wood low rough leaving no room to refuse no i brace against the door but
21:33my voice is laughably thin go away i hate you a beat of silence outside becca his voice drops to
21:45almost nothing each word like it's spoken against my ear the way you look this morning didn't look like
21:51hate my face goes up in flames my heart slamming till it aches i stare at my own hand on
21:58the lock
22:00watch it beyond my control slowly turn it open
22:08the instant the door gives he's through it
22:12i step back he steps in and in three strides he's backs me into the corner
22:18one hand braced on the wall by my head caging me between him and the plaster heat sweat that scent
22:25that's only his everywhere what you didn't finish saying this morning he bends down
22:34nose nearly to mine his breath scalding say it now say say what whether you hate me
22:41he cuts me off a certainty in his voice that lifts every hair on me look at me and say
22:48it
22:51i lift my eyes to his two years of resentment every i'm fine i ever fed my mother and this
22:57morning's surrender i die before admitting all of it jams in my throat the word comes out shaking
23:02apart i he waits eyes locked on me without a blink the hand on the wall corded with tension
23:07i close my eyes and let it go the truth i've held for two years and the last of my
23:12dignity with it
23:13i don't know i hear my own voice tremble i just know don't let go again his breath catches
23:19the next second he's kissing me pressing me into the wall
23:26that guy forgot my keys are they on the entry table we both freeze his mouth still on mine my
23:33fists still in his tank both of us breathing hard chest against rising chest one wall and one
23:40stare ace away my mother's ordinary afternoon voice knowing nothing it cracks through me like
23:46thunder jolting me out of the heat that was about to swallow me whole i shove him off frantically fixing
23:52my clothes and my breath my voice shaking as i call down they're they're on the entry table just grab
23:58them mom got him okay i'm off
24:04the whole house sinks back into scalding silence i lean against the wall legs too weak to hold me
24:10and look up at him he's looking back and what's churning in his eyes burns hotter than the 98 degree
24:16day
24:17neither of us says a word but we both know that near miss one wall away didn't put us out
24:24it lit something for good the summer's only just begun and this door of mine will never quite shut
24:31again that night at dinner i can barely sit still the ac finally got fixed that afternoon the four of
24:40us around the table mom on my left busy topping off everyone's plate kevin across from me head down
24:46over his food and samir right at my side on the surface everything's normal mom rattles on about the
24:51neighbors kevin grunts now and then some dull reevoid playing in the background i stare at my plate
24:56trying to look like i have at every meal for two years at war with the stepbrother beside me too
25:00disdainful to spare him a glance but under the tablecloth it's another world his hand has settled on
25:05my knee my fork stops in midair i try to brush him off without a flicker on my face he
25:09doesn't budge
25:10his palm is hot enough to feel through my dress slowly he slides it an inch up my thigh oh
25:18mom speaks up and i nearly come out of my chair is the ac all sorted did your brother do
25:23okay up
25:23there in that exact second his hand climbs another half inch stops high on my thigh and presses down
25:29with meaning like he knows precisely what he's doing to me i grip my fork and force my voice flat
25:34as dead
25:34water hmm it's fine passable passable samir's coughs beside me cold as if we're actually fighting not
25:42even turning his head still as ungrateful as ever above the table we're still the step siblings who
25:47can't share a room beneath it his thumb grinds slow circles into the inside of my thigh through the
25:53dress i stab at something and shove it in my mouth without tasting it my face is burning i gulp
25:59water to
26:00put it out but my throat's bone dry i set down my fork my voice unsteady mom i'll go get
26:07something to
26:07drink i'm practically fleeing as i stand and as i turn for the kitchen i see it clearly samir in
26:15no
26:16hurry at all setting down his fork too a half wall counter separates the kitchen from the dining room
26:23back to the doorway i grip the counter shut my eyes and breathe deep trying to push down the
26:29heat in my face and the chaos in my chest behind me the floor gives the flatest creek before i
26:35can turn
26:35two hands brace the counter's edge caging me between him and the counter his chest against
26:41my back his chin on my shoulder his voice barely there breath brushing my ear running from what you're
26:48insane i grip the counter hardly daring to make a sound right there one ball away i know he laughs
26:56low the vibration traveling down my spine into me he touches nothing else just drags his nose painfully
27:02slow over the skin behind my ear so you'll have to hold it in same as under the table just
27:07now every
27:08drop of blood in me rushes to my face from the living room the tv the on and off murmur
27:13of mom and kevin
27:14drifts over clear as day close enough that one lifted head one turn my breath shakes
27:21he leans closer pressing me into the cold counter's edge his voice full of knowing amusement
27:29shaking like this are you scared of getting caught he pauses we're scared i'll stop
27:37i can't answer because i don't have an answer to either from the dining room comes the scrape of a
27:43chair leg on the floor becca mom calls the drinks are on the bottom shelf of the fridge can't you
27:50find
27:50them we both go still found found them i blurred it squeezing out from between him and the counter
27:59yanking open the bottom shelf grabbing two sparkling waters at random only when the cold bottles hit my
28:05scalding palms do i get a sliver of my mind back samir steps back unhurried and pulls a beer from
28:14the
28:14fridge as if he weren't the one who just had me print to the counter i carry the water back
28:21to the
28:21table my legs still unsteady but this time mom doesn't pick her chatter back up she sets down her
28:29forks and look between me and samir from my flushed face to the faint mark on the side of his
28:35neck
28:35i only now notices left there at some point i can't place you too she says slowly her tone
28:41impossible to read why aren't you fighting today the air locks kevin looks up too my heart pounds in
28:49my ears two years and we've never had a quiet meal at this table today's silence is the biggest tell
28:53of
28:54all fight about what samir says at first flat as if he's remarking on the weather can't be bothered with
29:00her exactly i jump in chin up packing every ounce of panic into the familiar jab like i'd want to
29:09talk
29:09to him mom watches us for a long time then she smiles and picks her fork back up good we're
29:20family
29:21no need to be at each other's throats all the time but the moment she looks down i catch kevin's
29:26eyes
29:27he says nothing just lingers a thoughtful second on that faint mark on his son's neck
29:31under the table samir's knee bumps mine very lightly as if to say careful and also this isn't over
29:41that night i can't sleep turning over and over not just from the unspent restlessness humming under my
29:47skin all night from mom's look at the table and kevin's one second pause two fine needles in the
29:54softest part of my chest i start thinking things i've never let myself think what if we get caught
30:06to mary kevin mom rebuilt her whole life from when i was 16 sold the old house moved to this
30:13strange
30:14city learned at 40 to be a newlywed again so carefully she tried to weld two families into one home
30:21and here i am planting a bomb under it in the most unforgivable way there is
30:27i hate samir that's what i've told myself and told my mother for two years now i finally see it
30:35that
30:36hate was laced with something else from the start
30:41i hated him barging in because i couldn't stop looking at him
30:46i went toe to toe with him because it was the only way i dared get close
30:50i dressed up my wanting as loathing and kept it up for two whole years until i nearly believed it
30:55myself in the hall the floor creaks
31:01my doorknob turns very lightly locked then a small folded note slides in under the door
31:12barefoot i slip off the bed pick it up unfold it in the moonlight
31:21samir's handwriting one line they're both out tomorrow all day i hold the note standing on the
31:28cold floor my heart nearly bursting through my chest outside not a breath of summer wind
31:35and i know perfectly clearly tomorrow i won't lock the door by early the next morning the house is
31:43empty mom and kevin head out with their bags to help my aunt move on the way mom pokes her
31:49head up
31:49the stairs sort out your own lunch there's food in the fridge then the garage door rumbles down
31:54and the engine fades then the whole house is quiet enough that all that's left is my own breathing
32:02i don't lock the door i lie on the bed staring at the ceiling and hear his door open downstairs
32:11footsteps step by step climbing slow stopping outside mine the knob turns it opens samir stands in the
32:20doorway backlit by the window and looks at me a long time neither of us speaks two years of friction
32:27last night's last night's note the empty house silence all of it pressed into these few steps
32:33between us come here i hear myself say it soft but without a shred of hesitation
32:44he crosses to me sits on the end of the bed and tucks a damp strand of hair behind my
32:48ear
32:50a gesture too gentle to be his i thought about it all night i look at him and finish the
32:57sentence
32:57i've hidden for two years i don't hate you i never really did his throat works he leans down forehead
33:08to
33:08mine our breaths tangling same his voice is almost too hosky to hear from the day you stood at that
33:18wedding at 16 and glared at me i was done for he kisses me this time there are no footsteps
33:27below
33:28no voice about to call us no threat waiting to puncture everything just a room full of summer light
33:35and two people who don't have to pretend anymore the camera holds outside the drawn curtains
33:43for the next few days we live inside a stolen scalding bubble by day the parents are at work
33:48and the house is ours but the sweeter it gets the tighter the string in me pulls because i know
33:54this bubble is borrowed and sooner or later it comes due the faint mark on samir's neck fades
34:00and a new one takes its place he keeps saying it's fine but i start checking his collar before
34:04every meal without thinking and checking my own face we relearn how to bicker at the table except
34:13now every jab is a code only the two of us can read the change starts on a saturday mom
34:21suddenly
34:21doesn't go in she sits on the living room couch watching samir and me come down the stairs one after
34:27the other something in her eyes i can't read becca she pats the seat beside her sit keep me company
34:36a
34:36minute samir's step hitches almost imperceptibly before he keeps going toward the kitchen i sit
34:44my heart's going wild
34:51lately mom takes my hand her voice light but every word a hundred pounds is something weighing on you
35:00half the blood drains out of me no i manage a smile what would i have on my mind mom
35:06looks at me a long
35:07time then lets out a soft sigh when you were 16 i moved us here and you hated me for
35:12a long time her
35:13eyes drift to the window i know for my own happiness i pulled you up by the roots from everything
35:18familiar
35:20dropped you into a strange house gave you a strange brother
35:26all these years i felt i owed you my throat tightens i can't speak i just want you to be
35:32happy becca
35:33she turns back her eyes shining really happy not the put on i'm fine you show me in that instant
35:41i almost tell her everything almost lay it all out two years of pretending these scalding few days the
35:48knot of joy and fear tangled in my chest but i look at that careful light in her eyes the
35:54light of a
35:54woman who gave everything for this family and i swallow the words
36:04i'm happy mom i hug her bury my face in her shoulder my voice shaking really
36:13at the foot of the stairs samir stair stands holding two glasses of water motionless
36:20he heard he heard all of it
36:29that night another note slides under my door
36:35this one is four words we need to talk
36:44we meet in the garage out back the one place in this house the parents won't think of and can't
36:51hear this can't keep going or it'll blow up samir leans against the workbench his voice heavy
36:56your face today your mom will see through it sooner or later so what do you want to do i
37:01cross my arms
37:01my voice sharp even as my heart drops i don't know for once he looks at a loss dragging a
37:10hand down his
37:11face i just know i don't want to keep you hidden turn you into some secret that can't see daylight
37:18you shouldn't have to be that i freeze but what can we do my voice trembles tell them becca and
37:24samir
37:25the step-siblings are together picture my mom's face she welded two families into one home and it
37:31cost her everything one sentence from us and it all shatters the garage goes quiet only the light
37:38overhead buzzing what if he says suddenly looking at me his eyes frighteningly serious we weren't step
37:45siblings what do you mean
37:50in september i start the project out in tucson my own place my own life word by word i won't
37:57live in this
37:57house anymore we won't be siblings under one roof once the dust settles once you graduate too we can
38:06start over as something we don't have to hide i look at him my heart aching with each beat it's
38:12the
38:12first time i realize he isn't after this stolen summer he's after the after
38:22but some things don't wait for you to be ready
38:26it's a tuesday evening i think the house is empty and come out of the bathroom and nothing but a
38:32towel
38:33and there's samir waiting in the hall he backs me to the wall forehead to mine both of us grinning
38:39like kids who swiped candy neither of us hear kevin's car home early below or his footsteps on the
38:55samir the instant his father's voice sounds from the end of the hall the whole world stops we spring
39:02apart too late kevin stands at the top of the stairs looking at his son half wrapped around me in
39:08a towel
39:09his son's hand still at my waist and his face freezes then breaks inch by inch what are you two
39:19doing
39:20no music to cover it
39:24no door to block it no excuse that holds this time we're truly seen
39:34that night is the longest of my life kevin calls mom home the four of us sit in the living
39:41room under a
39:42harsh white light mom's face goes from confusion to disbelief to something i'll never forget heartbreak
39:52how long mom i asked how long
40:00this summer
40:02samir speaks first stepping in front of me as if to shield me
40:07i started it blame me no i grab his hand my voice shaking but holding not just him
40:18us
40:20mom i know this is hard to take
40:22we're not blood but we became siblings inside your marriage to kevin
40:28i know how absurd that is how much it hurts mom covers her face her shoulders shaking hard
40:36kevin can't get out a single word just stares at the floor
40:40i spent two years pretending to hate him because i knew from the start it was wrong
40:45but mom i can't keep pretending in the living room all that's left is mom stifled crying
40:50in that moment i finally understand what a price is it isn't the thrill of getting caught
40:54it's watching the person you love most break because of you
41:00for the next two weeks the house is frozen over mom barely speaks to me
41:08not anger the harder kind of silence kevin moves into the study to sleep
41:14samir moves up his transfer to tucson and we agree until the dust settles neither of us
41:20crosses a single line it's the penance we set for ourselves i think this is how the family splits
41:28apart the bomb i planted with my own hands finally went off but one night going down for water
41:36i find mom alone in the kitchen two untouched cups of tea in front of her sit
41:45i sit and wait for the verdict when i was 19 i fell for someone everyone said i shouldn't
41:55my mother your grandmother wouldn't speak to me for three years i thought i'd long forgotten that
42:01feeling knowing it in your heart and not being able to tell a soul i'm not giving you my blessing
42:06she looks at me exhaustion struggle and a small loosening i need time kevin needs more
42:15this may not be fixable and you should be ready for that
42:20but i won't force you to keep playing i'm fine anymore my tears come all at once it isn't forgiveness
42:28but it's a beginning
42:31in september samir moves out we don't say goodbye in secret in front of mom and kevin he loads the
42:38last box into the car then comes to me and under both their eyes says it plainly i'll wait for
42:45this
42:45family to take its time for you to graduate i won't rush it but i won't pretend none of this
42:50happened
42:50either kevin turns his face away and says nothing but he doesn't stop it mom stands on the porch
42:55arms around himself watching us after a long moment she gives the faint barely perceptible nod
43:00the car pulls away that stolen scalding summer is over but strangely i don't feel the emptiness i
43:07expected because this time his leaving isn't running isn't an ending it's the two of us choosing
43:13together the harder road we can walk in the open i turn to go in mom stops me at the
43:19door hesitates
43:21then reaches out to smooth the hair the wind has must the same gesture exactly as that morning two
43:27months ago except this time neither of us have to pretend anymore
43:34what follows is a long year samir in tucson me at school
43:41we keep it clean almost like we're meeting each other for the first time
43:45calls texts the occasional weekend at a cafe where no one knows us like two ordinary adults finally
43:52doing this right the ice at home melts slowly
43:59kevin gives first one thanksgiving at the table he asks for the first time unprompted
44:07how's samir doing and something starts to seep into mom's silence too
44:12she begins asking if i'm okay and when she asks her eyes are really on me
44:18not every story gets a clean tidy forgiveness our family welded its cracks back together inch by patient
44:25inch some places will always carry the scar
44:30but a scar is proof of healing too
44:37the next summer i graduate
44:44on graduation day mom and kevin are in the audience
44:49and beside them at a respectable distance samir
44:57there is someone who doesn't have to hide anymore
45:02that summer is brutally hot again
45:04i moved to tucson a small apartment a 10 minute walk from samir's place
45:09we don't live together mom said to take it slow and we both agreed
45:15on moving day the ac breaks i collapse among the boxes dizzy with heat and somehow think of that
45:24identical afternoon two years ago lying in a stifling room hating a man unable to stop pressing my thighs
45:32together i laugh out loud then i pick up my phone and text him my ac is broken over here
45:41minutes later familiar footsteps come up the stairs step by step
45:48the doors unlock he stands in the doorway toolbox in hand gray tank hair soaked at the forehead
45:56identical to the first glimpse of him that summer except this time he isn't the stranger who barged
46:01into my life and took my mother and he isn't the stepbrother i have to pretend to hate where's it
46:05broken
46:08i look at him the man i resisted with two years of pretending and then fought for with all the
46:13honesty i had after and the thing that caught fire in me that scalding summer burns now steady and sure
46:21come here i'll show you
46:23come here outside the window summer is just beginning and this time we have all the time in the world
46:33you
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