- 12 hours ago
The AC Went Out That Summer EP
Category
π₯
Short filmTranscript
00:09two years that's how long i've hated my stepbrother samir counting from the day my mom married his
00:16dad 12 years older than me what gave him the right to crash into my life take my mom move
00:22into my house but today the heat's burning through the whole house the ac's dead it's just me and
00:29him up here he crouches at the edge of my bed working the wiring sweat slides down the muscle
00:36of his forearm and i'm pressed into the corner knees clamping tighter and tighter beyond my
00:40control he's supposed to be the person i hate most but the second his sweat soaked back turns
00:45and those eyes land on me charged now with something else something inside me cracks
00:50clean open and god help me i don't want him to stop 98 degrees the ac in my room died
00:59this morning
01:00just gave out i hate this house the way it is now anyway i hate the day mom married kevin
01:08and packed him and his quiet 30-something son into my life
01:14two years now every wrong thing under this roof started that day
01:19too hot to think
01:22i've kicked off my shorts
01:25a tank strap slipping off my shoulder
01:28and flopped back on the bed to call her
01:40mom my ac's broken i'm melting up here
01:43her end is all rattling carts and store announcements
01:47i know i know i'm at the store back soon have your brother look at it
01:51he's coming home for lunch anyway
01:57your brother those two words set me off
02:00but my brain won't listen it pulls him up before i can stop it
02:05he does hvac fixes ac lines and pipes all day
02:09always slick with sweat last week in the kitchen
02:13head tipped back chugging ice water his throat working with every swallow
02:19a drop running down his jaw to his collar pine
02:22the muscle in his forearm bunching tight as he cranked a valve
02:26i press my thighs together and hate myself the second i do
02:30i hate him i really do
02:35so what the hell is this
02:37downstairs the front door clicks open
02:39the stairs groan step by step under someone much heavier than me
02:45that's when i remember what i'm wearing
02:47i lunge for the shorts on my chair
02:50too late
02:51the door swings open
02:53samir
02:53work pants
02:55gray tank soaked through and clean
02:57every line of his chest and stomach right there
03:01toolbox in hand
03:02the hair at his forehead damp in strands
03:05i should look away
03:07i don't
03:08my eyes drag down on their own
03:10his slick chest
03:12his tensed forearms
03:13and finally
03:16see something you like
03:17his voice comes out rough
03:18the corner of his mouth tipping up
03:20caught
03:21heat shoots all the way to my ears
03:24i ripped the blanket up over myself
03:27who who's looking at you don't flatter yourself
03:30he doesn't look away
03:32the smirk only deepens
03:33his throat moves once
03:35the ac
03:37he steps in
03:38drops the toolbox
03:40and looks down at me curled up small
03:42where is it
03:47over there
03:47i jerk my chin at the unit in the corner and pull the blanket tighter
03:50he doesn't move right away
03:52first those heavy eyes drag over me
03:54then he comes
03:58the unit sits high on the wall above my headboard
04:01my bed right under it
04:02the room's small
04:04and a man his size only makes it smaller
04:09he takes one look and frowns
04:12get down
04:13why should i
04:14i dig my heels in
04:15though it sounds hollow the moment it's out
04:17two years
04:19and this is all i know how to do with him
04:21bristle
04:22jab
04:22push back
04:24mom remarried
04:25he and kevin moved in
04:26and the house stopped being just hers and mine
04:31i came home for the summer wanting some quiet
04:34and now i share even my breathing room with this stranger
04:38i can dodge him for an afternoon
04:40not for the long line of summers after
04:43he doesn't argue
04:45one knee on the edge of the bed
04:47and he stretches up toward the unit
04:50i shrink into the corner
04:51but the bed's only so big
04:53as he leans
04:54the soaked gray tank brushes my shin
04:56heat sweat
04:58that sun warmed smell of him
04:59all of it crashing over me at once
05:01his arm works a screw overhead
05:03the muscle bunching and releasing inches from my face
05:06i hold my breath
05:07i don't dare move
05:08no one's downstairs
05:09mom's still at the store
05:11the whole house is quiet
05:13just my sun-baked bedroom
05:14door shut
05:15sealed off from the rest of the world
05:17the thought sends a hotter prickle up my back
05:19up here
05:20door closed
05:21whatever happens
05:22no one below would know
05:25move over
05:26he says low
05:27his elbow pressing toward me
05:28there's nowhere to go
05:30his hip is against my drawn-up knees
05:32i'm wedged between him and the wall
05:34half of me pressed to his side
05:38i told you i can't get away from you
05:39he says
05:40glancing down
05:41his throat moving
05:42goes both ways
05:46he turns it a few times
05:47swears
05:48says the wiring's fried
05:49the whole thing has to come apart
05:51the minutes crawl
05:53the room's hot enough to swim in
05:54the two of us crammed into this scrap of space
05:57neither one talking
05:57my back's to the wall
05:59half of me against his sweat damp side
06:01the sweat glues us together
06:03skin to skin
06:04impossible to peel apart
06:05i should be disgusted
06:07i'm not
06:07i can feel the muscle in his side tighten
06:10with every turn of the screw
06:11that strength soaking through a thin film of sweat into my skin
06:15sinking low in my belly
06:16a picture rises before i can stop it
06:18if that hand weren't reaching for a screw overhead
06:21but sliding down my waist instead
06:23i kill the thought
06:24my face burns
06:25i hate him
06:26i think of the wedding day
06:28him standing there cold
06:29not even a hello
06:30two years ago i swore i'd never go soft for this man
06:34not once
06:34and right now my thighs are clamping together on their own
06:38the wet heat there is impossible to hide
06:41slick sticky mortifying
06:43it's the weather
06:45i lie to myself
06:46that's all
06:46just the heat
06:48irritated i try to shift
06:49to find room to breathe
06:51my knee moves and
06:52by accident
06:54grazes the inside of his thigh
06:56his hands stop
06:57the whole room goes still
06:59becca
06:59his voice drops to gravel
07:01it travels straight down my ear into my spine
07:04you'd better not move
07:05i don't listen
07:07my heart's slamming
07:08and something hotter than hate eggs me on
07:10i push out again
07:11elbow digging into his side
07:12on purpose
07:13the next second his free hand clamps down on my waist
07:16a hand big enough to span half of it
07:18too strong to fight
07:19and it hauls me back against him
07:21my gasp jams in my throat
07:22my back hits his scalding sweat damp chest
07:25his heartbeat
07:26through two thin layers of cotton
07:27slams into my spine
07:29once
07:29again
07:34what are you doing
07:35i keep my voice down and claw at the arm locked across my waist
07:39it's cast iron
07:40it doesn't give
07:41i should break free
07:43drive an elbow into him
07:44call him a creep bolt downstairs
07:46but my body betrays me
07:48it sinks into him
07:49fitting against every scalding inch of him
07:51i can feel his breathing turn rough
07:54his chest rising and falling at my back
07:58he grunts
07:59my elbow jabbing his stomach and in the scramble
08:01quit it
08:03i won't give in
08:04and i'm even more scared he sees through me
08:06so i open my mouth for another jab
08:08nothing comes out
08:10his free hand lifts and closes around the front of my throat
08:13not hard
08:14but sure
08:15steady
08:16tipping the back of my head into the hollow of his shoulder
08:19every drop of blood in me runs cold
08:22then floods back scalding
08:25two years of fighting
08:27of cutting each other to the bone
08:29and he never once touched me
08:31but now his palm cradles my throat
08:33his thumb on the pulse going wild there
08:37and i'm not afraid
08:38being held completely in his hand
08:40helpless in his grip
08:42it turns me to water
08:45i'm in the same hell you are
08:47his mouth is at my ear
08:48his breath hot and horsey
08:50each word brended in
08:51but you are going to hold still
08:55his breath fans against the side of my face
08:58no more squirming
08:59no more little whimpers making it worse
09:01the hand on my throat tightens a fraction
09:03you hear me
09:04i try to nod
09:05only then does he ease off
09:07i guilt for air
09:08my heart wild enough to leap out of my chest
09:13for a long stretch i stay curled against him
09:15not daring to move
09:16his arm stays locked around my waist
09:18never once loosening
09:19and his thumb
09:20against the damp curve of my side
09:22moves slow
09:22up then down
09:23up then down
09:24every drag of it sends a current
09:26sliding down to the small of my back
09:28i clamp my thighs tighter
09:29and it only makes the want sharper
09:32i want more
09:33the thought scares me
09:35that's when downstairs the front door clicks open
09:43no no he didn't
09:45i call down forcing my voice into its usual annoyance
09:48he's probably off slacking somewhere again
09:50a beat of quiet below
09:52let me come up and look at it
09:53you can't sit in this heat
09:55the staircase creaks
09:56taking mom's weight
09:57one step
09:58my blood goes to ice
10:00i claw at his arm
10:04let go she's coming up
10:05let go of me
10:06he doesn't
10:07worse
10:08the hand that's been resting at my waist
10:11slides painfully slow down the line of my hip
10:13over my stomach
10:15over the dip of my hip bone
10:16lower still until it settles squarely over me
10:18through the thin fabric already soaked with sweat and something else
10:21my whole body bows tight
10:23a sharp high sound rushes up my throat
10:25i bite down on my lip and swallow it
10:26second stare
10:27creak
10:28he bends his head
10:29nose against my scalding ear
10:30and through the soaked fabric his palm grinds down on me
10:33not soft
10:34not hard
10:35once
10:37soaked like this
10:39and still lying that no one came up
10:41he breathes
10:42low and filthy
10:45smear
10:45it comes out a plea
10:47my voice in pieces
10:48please
10:49my mom
10:50his thumb presses again
10:51dragging a winner out of me before i can swallow it
10:53the hand doesn't move from where it is
10:55scared now
10:55third step
10:56mom's voice is closer
10:58becca
10:58why is the door locked from the inside
11:00he looks down at me
11:02held completely in his hand
11:04every breath a luxury now
11:05his eyes lit with something that makes me dizzy
11:08he leans to my ear
11:09word by word
11:11so how about you let your mom see exactly what you look like right now
11:25becca
11:26why is this locked from the inside
11:32his palm is still on me
11:33grinding in that slow
11:34punishing way that has me shaking all over
11:37his breath brushes my ear
11:39answer her
11:41i'm changing
11:42i call out
11:43my voice in pieces
11:45it's too hot
11:46i'm not dressed
11:47don't come in mom
11:48god this heat
11:50hurry up then
11:51come down and eat
11:52i got sandwiches
11:52and cold pasta salad
11:55step by step
11:56the stairs let her go
11:57soon there's the rustle of plastic bags
11:59the fridge opening and closing
12:01the threat ebbs
12:03i slump back against him
12:04ringed out
12:05gulping air
12:05furious and humiliated
12:07my eyes burning
12:08you're insane
12:08you actually would have
12:10he doesn't answer
12:11and he doesn't do what i expect
12:12doesn't let go and retreat behind the wall we've spent two years building
12:16he just holds me
12:17chin on my shoulder
12:18silent for a long time
12:20long enough that i can hear the fridge humming downstairs
12:23then he says it
12:24low without a trace of his usual sneer
12:27i don't want to let go
12:30i go rigid
12:31i twist around to look at him
12:33two years
12:35and i know every cruel thing he's ever said to me
12:38this wasn't a joke
12:39not even close
12:44we stay frozen like that
12:45downstairs
12:46mom's putting groceries away
12:48humming something tuneless
12:50the ac's still dead
12:52the heat lying thick on my skin
12:53but the heat running through me
12:56stopped being the weather a while ago
12:58i've been locked against him too long
13:00wound too tight
13:01now my lower back and the tops of my thighs start to cramp
13:05a deep dragging ache like the heaviness before my period
13:08i shift in small movements trying to work it loose
13:11don't move
13:12he says low
13:13but it's not his usual impatience
13:16it's horsey
13:18careful
13:19something i've never heard from him
13:21i shift again
13:23can't help it
13:24a small noun escapes
13:27both his thumbs have come to rest on the outsides of my thighs
13:30kneading slow
13:31back and forth
13:32the touch lifts every hair on me
13:34but the ache is worse
13:35i bite my lip and admit it
13:38my lower back
13:40and where my legs meet
13:41tense too long
13:42it aches
13:43i want to stretch
13:45but you're pinning me
13:46i can't move
13:49his hands pause on my legs
13:53bring your knees
13:55his voice drops lower
13:57up onto the bed
14:01i twist around to glare at him
14:03red-faced and lost
14:05neil
14:06neil how
14:07he pats the narrow space along his thighs
14:10feet here
14:11then taps the mattress in front of me
14:14knees here
14:15when it hits me what he's asking
14:17my face goes up in flames
14:18but the ache is unbearable
14:20and somehow i do it
14:21his hands settle on my hips
14:22and guide me forward
14:23easing my feet up one at a time
14:25knees spreading
14:25by the time i catch up
14:27i'm straddling his lap
14:27with my back to him
14:28a position so shameful
14:30my toes curl
14:30lean back
14:32he draws me against his chest
14:35head
14:37back on my shoulder
14:38my throat's dry
14:38and i obey without knowing why
14:40the back of my head
14:41finds the hollow of his shoulder
14:42my whole spine
14:43rising and falling
14:45against his scalding
14:46sweat damp chest
14:47his hands lock on my hips
14:48and slowly he bears down
14:49lifting my lower body
14:50arching it back
14:51into a deep bow
14:52inch by inch
14:53my whole torso pulls open
14:54the ache i've held for so long
14:56lets go all at once
14:57so good my eyes well up
14:59a long moan slips out
15:01before i can stop it
15:06he curses low behind my ear
15:08his nose bearing into the side
15:10of my neck
15:10dragging once
15:11hard
15:12his breathing goes racked
15:13his hands press in harder
15:15deepening the arch
15:16once
15:16twice
15:17open
15:18release
15:18each one melts the ache
15:19into something else
15:20burning up from the base
15:21of my spine
15:24we hold it for almost a minute
15:25before the arms carrying me
15:27start to shake
15:29i'm smaller than him
15:30but i'm no slip of a girl
15:33holding me up in midair like this
15:35would wear anyone down
15:37i'm better now
15:38a lie
15:39my face burns
15:40he grunts
15:41and lowers me back onto his lap
15:43but his hands don't leave my hips
15:44i know exactly what it means
15:46still straddling him back turned
15:48and for some reason
15:49neither of us moves to fix it
15:51two years of fighting
15:52and this is the longest
15:53we've ever sat together
15:54without tearing each other apart
15:56that alone unsettles me
15:58thanks
15:58i say it at last
16:00barely a whisper
16:01he hums
16:03the stubble on his jaw
16:04drags across my cheek with it
16:06and a fine melting tingle
16:07races up my spine
16:08i know i have to push it down
16:10pretend i didn't feel it
16:13downstairs mom's still busy
16:14in the kitchen
16:15humming off key
16:16his long fingers
16:17in time with every breath i take
16:20slowly tighten on my hips
16:22the heavy ache starts pulsing back
16:24i can't help squirming
16:26still hurts
16:30sorry
16:31he hesitates
16:32then his hands come slowly around
16:34from my sides to the front of me
16:35drop your back down
16:39the rasp in his voice impossible to hide now
16:41lift your hips a little
16:44he pushes my tank up
16:46and slides both hands into my shorts
16:48his squirting thumbs
16:49find the two aching knots
16:50at the base of my spine
16:51and press in
16:52steady
16:53grinding down in slow circles
16:55my lips tremble
16:56i suck in a breath
16:57and a moan i can't hold
16:58pills out
16:59his thumbs circle
17:00leaning in harder
17:01grinding the stiff ache loose
17:03inch by inch
17:03i clamp down on my tongue
17:05downstairs the tap is running
17:06mom washing the produce
17:07please god she heard nothing
17:09he stills for a few seconds
17:11then he knees deeper
17:12faster
17:13his hands spreading wider
17:14outward downward
17:15my hips move with his rhythm
17:17on their own
17:17his thumbs are too close enough
17:19to turn me to water
17:20in that place
17:21with every circle of his hands
17:22betrays me
17:23getting hotter and hotter
17:24Samir
17:26his name comes out wrecked
17:28soft and clinging
17:30pleasure spreads in waves
17:31from where his fingers press
17:32melting every ache out of me
17:34i bite my lips between my teeth
17:35and strangle the next moan
17:37in my throat terrified
17:38they'll hear downstairs
17:39below the water surges louder
17:42and mom calls up
17:43just a few more minutes
17:45drowning out every sound
17:47i don't dare make
17:48and under that cover
17:49his hands the slides
17:50one inch lower
17:53his breathing changes too
17:55especially the moment
17:55he buries his face
17:56in the curve of my neck
17:57lips against my skin
17:58every hair on my nace stands up
18:00my whole spine shivers
18:01with that melting tingle
18:02then suddenly
18:02he pulls his hands
18:03out of my shorts
18:04a small lost whimper
18:05leaks out of me
18:06before i can stop it
18:07the next second
18:07i want to disappear
18:08into the floor
18:08oh god
18:09he was just being decent
18:11for once
18:11working out a cramp
18:12and there i was
18:14panting and windering
18:15under his hands
18:16making those sounds
18:17i must have scared him off
18:19the silence stretches
18:21my heart still pounding
18:23over his hands
18:24over the mouth
18:25he'd press to my neck
18:27i get ready to pull away
18:28ready to say something ugly
18:30and that's when
18:31Samir's fingers
18:32hook the edge of my shorts
18:33and tug
18:34one inch down
18:35his warm mouth
18:37grazes my ear
18:38good girl
18:39he breathes
18:40low and rough
18:41lift your hips
18:42for me again
18:45good girl
18:46lift your hips
18:47for me again
18:47the words land
18:49somewhere deep
18:49inside me
18:50i squeeze my eyes
18:52shut
18:52trying to quiet
18:54my racing heart
18:54and instead
18:55i just obey
18:56lifting my hips
18:58shaking
19:00downstairs
19:01mom's voice
19:01suddenly rises
19:07it hits like a bucket
19:08of ice water
19:09over my head
19:10Samir goes rigid
19:11and i snap awake
19:13what am i doing
19:15my mom just got home
19:16she's right downstairs
19:17and here i am
19:18in my own room
19:18straddling my stepbrother
19:20lifting my hips
19:21because he told me to
19:22shame torches through me
19:23i shove his hands off
19:25scramble off his lap
19:26yank my shorts up
19:27not daring to look back
19:28i i'm going down
19:30becca
19:30he says behind me
19:31i don't stop
19:32but just before i pull
19:33the door open
19:34i look back at him
19:35after all
19:35he's on the wrecked bed
19:37chest heaving
19:37hair soaked
19:38eyes burning into me
19:39not a trace of the usual sneer
19:41just something scorching
19:42cut off mid-breath
19:44i flee
19:46straight down the stairs
19:50i don't taste a single bite
19:51of that lunch
19:53across from me
19:54mom rattles on
19:55the store had a sale
19:56the neighbor's news
19:57why is your brother so quiet
19:59today
20:00i murmur back
20:01my whole heart still stuck
20:03in that burning room upstairs
20:05samir sits at the other end
20:07eating with his head down
20:08silent
20:08but i can feel it
20:10every time mom looks away
20:12his eyes land on me
20:13heavy
20:14hot enough that i can barely
20:16hold my fork
20:18oh i have to go help your aunt
20:19move some things this afternoon
20:20she's swamped
20:21becca you rest at home
20:22okay
20:24samir
20:25you're home this afternoon
20:26if the ac's still not fixed
20:27call someone
20:28don't let your sister roast
20:30my grip on the fork jumps
20:32afternoon
20:33house
20:33just the two of us
20:35my head snaps up
20:36right into his eyes
20:37looking at me past my mother
20:38he says nothing
20:39just the faintest tip of his mouth
20:41aimed at me
20:42and the string in me that just snapped
20:43pulls tight again
20:44humming
20:48the second mom's out the door
20:50the house goes so quiet
20:52there's nothing left
20:53but my own heartbeat
20:56i shut myself in my room
20:57back to the door
20:59telling myself i'm going nowhere
21:01and opening for no one
21:03this morning's madness
21:04never happened
21:05i hate him
21:06i have to remember i hate him
21:08but my body won't obey
21:11just remembering the heat of his palm
21:13that good girl
21:14and my legs start to give again
21:15the stairs crack
21:17step by step
21:18taking the weight i can't escape
21:21the footsteps stop outside my door
21:24open up
21:25his voice comes through the wood
21:27low
21:28rough
21:29leaving no room to refuse
21:31no
21:32i brace against the door
21:33but my voice is laughably thin
21:35go away
21:36i hate you
21:39a beat of silence outside
21:43becca
21:43his voice drops to almost nothing
21:45each word like it's spoken against my ear
21:47the way you looked this morning
21:50didn't look like hate
21:52my face goes up in flames
21:54my heart slamming till it aches
21:56i stare at my own hand on the lock
22:00watch it
22:01beyond my control
22:04slowly turn it open
22:08the instant the door gives
22:10he's through it
22:12i step back
22:13he steps in
22:14and in three strides
22:16he's backs me into the corner
22:18one hand braced on the wall
22:20by my head
22:20caging me between him
22:22and the plaster
22:23heat
22:24sweat
22:25that scent that's only his
22:27everywhere
22:31what you didn't finish saying this morning
22:33he bends down
22:34nose nearly to mine
22:35his breath scalding
22:37say it now
22:38say
22:39say what
22:39whether you hate me
22:41he cuts me off
22:43a certainty in his voice
22:44that lifts every hair on me
22:46look at me
22:47and say it
22:51i lift my eyes to his
22:53two years of resentment
22:54every i'm fine i ever fed my mother
22:56and this morning's surrender i die before admitting
22:59all of it jams in my throat
23:00the word comes out shaking apart
23:03i
23:03he waits
23:04eyes locked on me without a blink
23:06the hand on the wall corded with tension
23:07i close my eyes and let it go
23:09the truth i've held for two years
23:11and the last of my dignity with it
23:13i don't know
23:14i hear my own voice tremble
23:15i just know
23:16don't let go again
23:17his breath catches
23:20the next second he's kissing me
23:21pressing me into the wall
23:26that guy forgot my keys
23:28are they on the entry table
23:30we both freeze
23:31his mouth still on mine
23:33my fists still in his tank
23:35both of us breathing hard
23:36chest against rising chest
23:39one wall and one staircase
23:40away
23:41my mother's ordinary afternoon voice
23:43knowing nothing
23:44it cracks through me like thunder
23:46jolting me out of the heat
23:47that was about to swallow me whole
23:50i shove him off
23:51frantically fixing my clothes
23:53and my breath
23:53my voice shaking as i call down
23:56they're they're on the entry table
23:58just grab them mom
24:00got them
24:01okay i'm off
24:04the whole house sinks back
24:06into scalding silence
24:07i lean against the wall
24:09legs too weak to hold me
24:10and look up at him
24:12he's looking back
24:13and what's churning in his eyes
24:14burns hotter than the 98 degree day
24:17neither of us says a word
24:19but we both know
24:20that near miss
24:21one wall away
24:22didn't put us out
24:24it lit something for good
24:26the summer's only just begun
24:29and this door of mine
24:30will never quite shut again
24:35that night at dinner
24:36i can barely sit still
24:37the ac finally got fixed
24:39that afternoon
24:40the four of us around the table
24:41mom on my left
24:42busy topping off
24:43everyone's plate
24:44kevin across from me
24:45head down over his food
24:47and samir right at my side
24:48on the surface
24:49everything's normal
24:50mom rattles on about the neighbors
24:52kevin grunts now and then
24:53some dull revoi playing
24:54in the background
24:55i stare at my plate
24:56trying to look like i have
24:57at every meal for two years
24:58at war with the stepbrother beside me
25:00too disdainful to spare him a glance
25:02but under the tablecloth
25:03it's another world
25:04his hand has settled on my knee
25:05my fork stops in midair
25:07i try to brush him off
25:08without a flicker on my face
25:09he doesn't budge
25:10his palm is hot enough
25:12to feel through my dress
25:14slowly
25:14he slides it an inch up my thigh
25:17oh
25:18mom speaks up
25:19and i nearly come out of my chair
25:20is the ac all sorted
25:22did your brother do okay up there
25:24in that exact second
25:25his hand climbs another half inch
25:27stops high on my thigh
25:28and presses down with meaning
25:29like he knows precisely
25:31what he's doing to me
25:32i grip my fork
25:33and force my voice flat
25:34as dead water
25:35hmm
25:35it's fine
25:37passable
25:39passable
25:39samir's coughs beside me
25:41cold as if we're actually fighting
25:42not even turning his head
25:44still as ungrateful as ever
25:45above the table
25:46were still the step siblings
25:47who can't share a room
25:48beneath it
25:49his thumb grinds
25:51slow circles
25:51into the inside of my thigh
25:53through the dress
25:54i stab at something
25:55and shove it in my mouth
25:56without tasting it
25:57my face is burning
25:58i gulp water to put it out
26:01but my throat's bone dry
26:02i set down my fork
26:04my voice unsteady
26:05mom
26:06i'll
26:06go get something to drink
26:08i'm practically fleeing as i stand
26:11and as i turn for the kitchen
26:13i see it clearly
26:14samir
26:15in no hurry at all
26:17setting down his fork too
26:20a half wall counter separates the kitchen from the dining room
26:23back to the doorway i grip the counter
26:26shut my eyes and breathe deep
26:27trying to push down the heat in my face
26:30and the chaos in my chest
26:32behind me the floor gives the fladest creek
26:34before i can turn
26:36two hands brace the counter's edge
26:38caging me between him and the counter
26:40his chest against my back
26:42his chin on my shoulder
26:43his voice barely there
26:45breath brushing my ear
26:46running from what?
26:48you're insane
26:49i grip the counter
26:50hardly daring to make a sound
26:52you're right there
26:53one ball away
26:55i know
26:56he laughs low
26:57the vibration traveling down my spine into me
26:59he touches nothing else
27:00just drags his nose painfully slow
27:02over the skin behind my ear
27:04so you'll have to hold it in
27:05same as under the table just now
27:08every drop of blood in me rushes to my face
27:10from the living room the tv
27:12the on and off murmur of mom and kevin
27:14drifts over clear as day
27:16close enough that one lifted head
27:18one turn
27:19my breath shakes
27:22he leans closer
27:24pressing me into the cold counter's edge
27:26his voice full of knowing amusement
27:29shaking like this
27:31are you scared of getting caught?
27:34he pauses
27:35we're scared i'll stop
27:37i can't answer
27:39because i don't have an answer to either
27:41from the dining room comes the scrape of a chair leg on the floor
27:46becca?
27:47mom calls
27:48the drinks are on the bottom shelf of the fridge
27:50can't you find them?
27:51we both go still
27:55found found them
27:56i blurt it
27:57squeezing out from between him and the counter
27:59yanking open the bottom shelf
28:00grabbing two sparkling waters at random
28:04only when the cold bottles hit my scalding palms
28:06do i get a sliver of my mind back
28:10samir steps back
28:12unhurried
28:13and pulls a beer from the fridge
28:15as if he weren't the one who just had me
28:17prin to the counter
28:20i carry the water back to the table
28:21my legs still unsteady
28:23but this time
28:25mom doesn't pick her chatter back up
28:28she sets down her forks
28:30and look between me and samir
28:32from my flushed face
28:33to the faint mark on the side of his neck
28:35i only now notices
28:36left there at some point i can't place
28:39you too
28:40she says slowly
28:41her tone impossible to read
28:42why aren't you fighting today?
28:45the air locks
28:46kevin looks up too
28:48my heart pounds in my ears
28:49two years
28:50and we've never had a quiet meal at this table
28:52today's silence is the biggest tell of all
28:54fight about what?
28:55samir says it first
28:57flat as if he's remarking on the weather
29:00can't be bothered with her
29:03exactly
29:03i jump in
29:04chin up
29:05packing every ounce of panic
29:07into the familiar jab
29:08like i'd want to talk to him
29:10mom watches us
29:12for a long time
29:15then she smiles and picks her fork back up
29:18good
29:19we're family
29:21no need to be at each other's throats all the time
29:24but the moment she looks down
29:26i catch kevin's eyes
29:27he says nothing
29:28just lingers a thoughtful second
29:30on that faint mark on his son's neck
29:32under the table
29:33samir's knee bumps mine
29:34very lightly
29:35as if to say
29:36careful
29:37and also
29:38this isn't over
29:41that night i can't sleep
29:43turning over and over
29:44not just from the unspent restlessness
29:47humming under my skin all night
29:48from mom's look at the table
29:50and kevin's one second pause
29:52two fine needles
29:54in the softest part of my chest
29:56i start thinking things
29:58i've never let myself think
30:01what if we get caught
30:07to marry kevin
30:08mom rebuilt her whole life
30:09from when i was 16
30:11sold the old house
30:12moved to this strange city
30:14learned at 40
30:15to be a newlywed again
30:17so carefully
30:18she tried to weld two families
30:20into one home
30:21and here i am
30:22planting a bomb under it
30:24in the most unforgivable way there is
30:27i hate samir
30:28that's what i've told myself
30:30and told my mother
30:31for two years
30:32now
30:33i finally see it
30:35that
30:36hate
30:37was laced with something else
30:38from the start
30:42i hated him barging in
30:43because i couldn't stop looking at him
30:46i went toe to toe with him
30:47because it was the only way i dared get close
30:50i dressed up my wanting as loathing
30:52and kept it up for two whole years
30:54until i nearly believed it myself
30:57in the hall
30:58the floor creaks
31:01my doorknob turns
31:03very lightly
31:04locked
31:06then a small folded note
31:08slides in under the door
31:12barefoot
31:13i slip off the bed
31:14pick it up
31:15unfold it in the moonlight
31:21samir's handwriting
31:22one line
31:24they're both out tomorrow
31:25all day
31:26i hold the note
31:27standing on the cold floor
31:29my heart nearly bursting through my chest
31:32outside
31:33not a breath of summer wind
31:36and i know
31:36perfectly clearly
31:39tomorrow
31:40i won't lock the door
31:41by early the next morning
31:43the house is empty
31:44mom and kevin head out with their bags
31:46to help my aunt move
31:47on the way
31:48mom pokes her head up the stairs
31:50sort out your own lunch
31:51there's food in the fridge
31:52then the garage door rumbles down
31:55and the engine fades
31:56then the whole house is quiet enough
31:59that all that's left is my own breathing
32:02i don't lock the door
32:05i lie on the bed
32:06staring at the ceiling
32:08and hear his door open downstairs
32:11footsteps
32:12step by step
32:13climbing slow
32:14stopping outside mine
32:16the knob turns
32:17it opens
32:19samir stands in the doorway
32:21backlit by the window
32:22and looks at me a long time
32:24neither of us speaks
32:26two years of friction
32:27last night's note
32:29the empty house silence
32:31all of it pressed into these few steps between us
32:34come here
32:35i hear myself say it
32:38soft
32:39but without a shred of hesitation
32:44he crosses to me
32:45sits on the end of the bed
32:46and tucks a damp strand of hair behind my ear
32:51a gesture too gentle to be his
32:54i thought about it all night
32:56i look at him and finish the sentence i've hidden for two years
33:00i don't hate you
33:02i never really did
33:05his throat works
33:06he leans down forehead to mine
33:09our breaths tangling
33:11same
33:13his voice is almost too hosky to hear
33:17from the day you stood at that wedding at 16 and glared at me i was done for
33:23he kisses me
33:26this time there are no footsteps below
33:28no voice about to call us
33:30no threat waiting to puncture everything
33:33just a room full of summer light
33:35and two people who don't have to pretend anymore
33:38the camera holds outside the drawn curtains
33:43for the next few days we live inside a stolen scalding bubble
33:47by day the parents are at work and the house is ours
33:50but the sweeter it gets
33:51the tighter the string in me pulls
33:53because i know
33:54this bubble is borrowed
33:56and sooner or later it comes due
33:58the faint mark on samir's neck fades
34:00and a new one takes its place
34:02he keeps saying it's fine
34:03but i start checking his collar before every meal without thinking
34:06and checking my own face
34:10we relearn how to bicker at the table
34:12except now every jab is a code only the two of us can read
34:18the change starts on a saturday
34:20mom suddenly doesn't go in
34:22she sits on the living room couch
34:24watching samir and me
34:26come down the stairs one after the other
34:27something in her eyes i can't read
34:32becca
34:32she pats the seat beside her
34:35sit
34:35keep me company a minute
34:38samir's step hitches almost imperceptibly
34:40before he keeps going toward the kitchen
34:42i sit
34:43my heart's going wild
34:51lately
34:51mom takes my hand
34:53her voice light
34:54but every word a hundred pounds
34:55is something weighing on you
35:01half the blood drains out of me
35:02no
35:03i manage a smile
35:05what would i have on my mind
35:06mom looks at me a long time
35:08then lets out a soft sigh
35:09when you were 16
35:10i moved us here
35:11and you hated me for a long time
35:13her eyes drift to the window
35:14i know
35:15for my own happiness
35:17i pulled you up by the roots
35:18from everything familiar
35:20dropped you into a strange house
35:22gave you a strange brother
35:26all these years i felt i owed you
35:29my throat tightens
35:30i can't speak
35:31i just want you to be happy becca
35:33she turns back
35:35her eyes shining
35:37really happy
35:38not the put on
35:39i'm fine you show me
35:41in that instant
35:42i almost tell her everything
35:43almost lay it all out
35:45two years of pretending
35:47these scalding few days
35:48the knot of joy and fear
35:50tangled in my chest
35:51but i look at that careful light
35:53in her eyes
35:54the light of a woman
35:55who gave everything
35:55for this family
35:56and i swallow the words
36:04i'm happy mom
36:06i hug her
36:07bury my face
36:09in her shoulder
36:09my voice
36:10shaking
36:11really
36:13at the foot of the stairs
36:15samir's stair stands
36:16holding two glasses of water
36:18motionless
36:20he heard
36:22he heard all of it
36:30that night
36:31another note slides under my door
36:35this one is four words
36:38we need to talk
36:44we meet in the garage
36:46out back
36:47the one place in this house
36:49the parents won't think of
36:50and can't hear
36:51this can't keep going
36:53or it'll blow up
36:54samir leans against the workbench
36:55his voice heavy
36:56your face today
36:57your mom will see through it
36:59sooner or later
36:59so what do you want to do
37:00i cross my arms
37:02my voice sharp
37:03even as my heart drops
37:07i don't know
37:08for once he looks at a loss
37:10dragging a hand down his face
37:12i just know i don't want
37:13to keep you hidden
37:15turn you into some secret
37:16that can't see daylight
37:18you shouldn't have to be that
37:20i freeze
37:20but what can we do
37:22my voice trembles
37:23tell them
37:24becca and samir
37:25the step siblings
37:26are together
37:26picture my mom's face
37:28she welded two families
37:30into one home
37:31and it cost her everything
37:32one sentence from us
37:34and it all shatters
37:35the garage goes quiet
37:37only the light overhead
37:39buzzing
37:41what if
37:41he says suddenly
37:42looking at me
37:43his eyes frighteningly serious
37:44we weren't step siblings
37:46what do you mean
37:50in september i start the project
37:52out in tucson
37:53my own place
37:54my own life
37:55word by word
37:56i won't live in this house anymore
38:00we won't be siblings
38:01under one roof
38:02once the dust settles
38:04once you graduate too
38:05we can start over
38:07as something we don't have to hide
38:09i look at him
38:10my heart aching with each beat
38:12it's the first time i realize
38:14he isn't after this stolen summer
38:16he's after the after
38:22but some things don't wait for you to be ready
38:26it's a tuesday evening
38:28i think the house is empty
38:30and come out of the bathroom
38:31and nothing but a towel
38:32and there's samir
38:34waiting in the hall
38:35he backs me to the wall
38:37forehead to mine
38:38both of us grinning like kids
38:40who swiped candy
38:42neither of us hear kevin's car
38:44home early
38:45below
38:46or his footsteps on the stairs
38:55samir
38:56the instant his father's voice sounds from the end of the hall
38:59the whole world stops
39:00we spring apart
39:02too late
39:04kevin stands at the top of the stairs
39:06looking at his son
39:07half wrapped around me in a towel
39:09his son's hand still at my waist
39:11and his face freezes
39:13then breaks
39:14inch by inch
39:16what
39:18are you two doing
39:19no music to cover it
39:24no door to block it
39:25no excuse that holds
39:29this time
39:30we're truly seen
39:35that night is the longest of my life
39:37kevin calls mom home
39:39the four of us sit in the living room
39:42under a harsh white light
39:43mom's face goes from confusion
39:46to disbelief
39:47to something i'll never forget
39:49heartbreak
39:52how long
39:54mom i asked
39:56how long
40:00this summer
40:02samir speaks first
40:04stepping in front of me
40:05as if to shield me
40:08i started it
40:09blame me
40:10no
40:13i grab his hand
40:14my voice shaking but holding
40:16not just him
40:19us
40:20mom i know this is hard to take
40:22we're not blood but we became siblings
40:25inside your marriage to kevin
40:29i know how absurd that is
40:30how much it hurts
40:32mom covers her face
40:34her shoulders shaking hard
40:36kevin can't get out a single word
40:38just stares at the floor
40:40i spent two years pretending to hate him
40:43because i knew from the start it was wrong
40:45but mom i can't keep pretending
40:47in the living room
40:48all that's left is mom stifled crying
40:50in that moment i finally understand what a price is
40:53it isn't the thrill of getting caught
40:55it's watching the person you love most break because of you
41:01for the next two weeks
41:02the house
41:03is frozen over
41:04mom barely speaks to me
41:08not anger
41:09the harder kind of silence
41:11kevin moves into the study to sleep
41:15samir moves up his transfer to tucson
41:17and we agree
41:18until the dust settles
41:20neither of us crosses a single line
41:22it's the penance we set for ourselves
41:26i think this is how the family splits apart
41:30the bomb i planted with my own hands finally went off
41:34but one night going down for water
41:36i find mom alone in the kitchen
41:38two untouched cups of tea in front of her
41:41sit
41:45i sit and wait for the verdict
41:48when i was 19
41:51i fell for someone everyone said i shouldn't
41:55my mother
41:56your grandmother
41:57wouldn't speak to me for three years
41:59i thought i'd long forgotten that feeling
42:01knowing it in your heart
42:03and not being able to tell a soul
42:04i'm not giving you my blessing
42:06she looks at me
42:08exhaustion
42:09struggle
42:10and a small loosening
42:12i need time
42:13kevin needs more
42:15this may not be fixable
42:16and you should be ready for that
42:20but i won't force you to keep playing
42:22i'm fine anymore
42:23my tears come all at once
42:25it isn't forgiveness
42:28but it's a beginning
42:31in september
42:32samir moves out
42:33we don't say goodbye in secret
42:35in front of mom and kevin
42:37he loads the last box into the car
42:39then comes to me and
42:41under both their eyes
42:42says it plainly
42:43i'll wait
42:44for this family to take its time
42:46for you to graduate
42:47i won't rush it
42:49but i won't pretend none of this happened either
42:51kevin turns his face away and says nothing
42:53but he doesn't stop it
42:54mom stands on the porch
42:55arms around himself watching us
42:57after a long moment
42:58she gives the faint barely perceptible nod
43:01the car pulls away
43:02that stolen scalding summer is over
43:05but strangely i don't feel the emptiness i expected
43:08because this time
43:09his leaving isn't running
43:11isn't an ending
43:12it's the two of us choosing
43:13together
43:14the harder road we can walk in the open
43:16i turn to go in
43:18mom stops me at the door
43:20hesitates
43:21then reaches out to smooth the hair the wind has must
43:24the same gesture
43:25exactly
43:26as that morning two months ago
43:28except this time
43:30neither of us have to pretend anymore
43:34what follows is a long year
43:36samir in tucson
43:38me at school
43:41we keep it clean
43:43almost like we're meeting each other for the first time
43:45calls
43:46texts
43:47the occasional weekend at a cafe where no one knows us
43:50like two ordinary adults finally doing this right
43:55the ice at home melts slowly
44:00kevin gives first
44:01one thanksgiving
44:03at the table
44:04he asks for the first time
44:06unprompted
44:07how's samir doing
44:08and something starts to seep into mom's silence too
44:13she begins asking if i'm okay
44:15and when she asks her eyes are really on me
44:18not every story gets a clean tidy forgiveness
44:21our family welded its cracks back together inch by patient inch
44:26some places will always carry the scar
44:31but a scar is proof of healing too
44:37the next summer i graduate
44:44on graduation day
44:45mom and kevin are in the audience
44:49and beside them
44:51at a respectable distance
44:52samir
44:57there is someone who doesn't have to hide anymore
45:02that summer is brutally hot again
45:04i moved to tucson
45:06a small apartment a 10 minute walk from samir's place
45:09we don't live together
45:11mom said to take it slow
45:13and we both agreed
45:16on moving day
45:17the ac breaks
45:20i collapse among the boxes
45:22dizzy with heat
45:23and somehow think of that identical afternoon two years ago
45:27lying in a stifling room
45:29hating a man
45:30unable to stop pressing my thighs together
45:33i laugh out loud
45:34then i pick up my phone and text him
45:36my ac's broken over here
45:41minutes later familiar footsteps come up the stairs
45:44step by step
45:48the doors unlock
45:50he stands in the doorway
45:51toolbox in hand
45:53gray tank
45:54hair soaked at the forehead
45:56identical to the first glimpse of him that summer
45:59except this time he isn't the stranger who barged into my life and took my mother
46:03and he isn't the step brother i have to pretend to hate
46:05where is it broken
46:09i look at him the man i resisted with two years of pretending and then fought for with all the
46:13honesty i had after and the thing that caught fire in me that scalding summer burns now steady and sure
46:21come here
46:22i'll show you
46:26outside the window
46:27summer is just beginning
46:30and this time
46:31we have all the time in the world
46:40i asked for more information about the use of the computer
46:40is just a surgery
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