- 32 minutes ago
Never Again New
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Short filmTranscript
00:00and said i'm getting engaged don't make this difficult i didn't cry just smiled perfect
00:05timing i'm leaving tomorrow two years later i thought i'd never see him again until i walked
00:10into my new job and found out he was my boss i didn't expect him to be here rowan hail
00:15at the
00:16head of the room the man who just bought our company he looks exactly the same my manager
00:20grabs my arm rin go this is your moment my fingers are cold around my glass she pushes me forward
00:27anyway mr hale this is our head of strategy ivy league top of her class he looks up his eyes
00:34pass over my face pause move on is that so i know what he sees the same girl wrong shoes
00:40wrong zip
00:41code wrong everything rin go ahead toast mr hale i reach for my glass that won't be necessary his
00:48voice quiet she's allergic to alcohol my chest tightens junior year a party someone shoving
00:54drinks at rowan and me stepping in without thinking one glass my face went red in 30 seconds
00:59he tilted my chin up almost laughing idiot that's an alcohol allergy you don't drink when i'm not
01:06around understood my manager stares mr hale you two know each other rowan says nothing for years of a
01:13secret neither of us is going to explain it here i smile same university old connection i lift my glass
01:19and drink it down in one go to you mr hale his jaw tightens just barely i've had five years
01:25to build a
01:25tolerance the allergy isn't the point anymore he looks at me for a moment then turns away wearing
01:30can be difficult hope she hasn't caused you trouble not at all she's one of our best i don't wait
01:36for
01:37the rest i find the hallway i breathe my colleagues materialize out of no rank how do you know him
01:42isn't
01:43he engaged to isla mitchell same school that's all i glance back through the glass doors five years
01:48he still doesn't have to try some things don't change
01:5310 years ago in the fall i met rowan for the first time he came to our small town with
01:58his father for
01:59development project that same week my father got drunk tore through my school books and told me i was
02:04done with school i ended up sitting on the curb with my books pressed to my chest trying not to
02:09cry
02:09where anyone could see then i looked up and saw a boy at the gate he was beside a glossy
02:13black car
02:14frowning at me like he had no idea what to do with someone like me his shoes were spotless he
02:19looked
02:19impossible in that dusty street like he had stepped out of a different life i looked down at my own
02:23scuffed shoes and tucked them under me i had never seen anyone so beautiful the rich boy from every book
02:29i had ever borrowed from the library he was real out of pity or kindness or maybe something in between
02:34his father let me stay with the hale so i could finish school i rode with them from our small
02:38town to
02:39the city rowan frowned the entire way he looked annoyed like i was one more problem someone had
02:43dropped into his life he didn't know money could open a door without making you feel welcome inside
02:48on my first day there he tossed a pair of sneakers at me don't track dirt all over the floor
02:52they were
02:53pale and pretty and half a size too small i wore them anyway one painful step at a time rowan
02:58was a
02:58star at school smart confident and ridiculously good looking we moved in parallel same space never
03:04touching when our paths crossed
03:08i walked faster he liked the cheer captain islam mercer bright perfect and from the right family
03:14even teachers praised them as the golden couple i stayed in the dorm and only returned to the
03:18hail house during breaks the room beside the staff wing was mine every day i tried to stay invisible
03:23while helping rowan i ran errands did laundry cooked meals i wanted to show value but not get noticed
03:29school was precious i feared angering him and being sent away i felt like a thief peeking at a
03:34life that wasn't mine rowan had everything looks status family everyone adored him then one day i saw
03:40him sneaking smoke in the attic i caught him watching things he definitely shouldn't have been watching
03:44he wasn't untouchable one time his friends saw me they asked who i was i help around the house
03:50someone stared at me rowan raised his fist
03:52get lost he shouted it was the first time i saw him angry it wasn't about me isla had left
03:59for
03:59college overseas rowan was expected to stay behind and become exactly who his family needed him to be
04:04he was miserable that night he stayed in the attic for a long time i knocked carefully the room was
04:09dark he stared at me
04:11it was never supposed to be more than once then it was twice then it stopped being counted the library
04:22after midnight his car the roof of the humanities building dot he would kiss me in all those places
04:27he changed slowly he asked if i was tired he asked what gifts i wanted sometimes he would touch my
04:33hair and say
04:35by the time we went to college we were in the same city without the hail house watching us
04:39we almazette looked like a normal couple he started bringing me to things parties dinners i let myself think it
04:45meant something
04:46then one night his friend pulled him aside and said loud enough for me to hear
04:50man are you actually into her rowan laughed she's easy to be around i'd miss her
04:57my dad would kill me though i woke from my fantasy no matter how hard i tried i couldn't change
05:02the truth
05:03i wasn't the kind of girl who could step into his world after that i stopped using the gifts he
05:08gave me
05:08he noticed you never wear any of it what do you actually want a gold bracelet he laughed
05:14that's so practical i want something real he thought i was joking he bought it anyway i put it in
05:20the
05:20bottom of my bag under everything else the thing about gold is it holds its value i've learned early
05:25pretty things depreciate pretty things can be taken back gold is different gold you can keep
05:32senior year his family started making calls the right family the right name the right merger i knew before
05:38he said anything the last time i saw him was at his apartment he was in a good mood that
05:42night after he leaned
05:44against the headboard and lit a cigarette i'm getting engaged i was already reaching for my clothes my hand slowed
05:50just for a second i knew isla was back the mercer family had been bleeding money for years they made
05:56the first move
05:58don't make this difficult of course i won't be a problem he came up behind me kissed my cheek that
06:04easy
06:05i reached past him and slipped the gold bracelet into my bag i got into stanford i leave next week
06:10the room went quiet since when he'd been busy dinners with his friends nights with isla he hadn't asked
06:16about me in months when who said you could leave i turned around rowan did our arrangement ever require
06:23permission something moved across his face then he laughed short and hard fine good actually four
06:29years i was getting bored anyway he dressed slammed the door i tidied up after him took everything of
06:34mine left no trace that was five years ago two years of grad school three years of building something
06:40over 1800 days things expire things lose value people come and go the bracelet doubled in price
06:46then doubled again my phone buzzed it was a message from my boyfriend joel i took my phone away
06:51and waved to my colleagues as i walked out at the corner of the hallway a hand grabbed my wrist
06:58i was pulled into a dim corridor i couldn't see his face but i knew the smell rowan pressed me
07:03against
07:03the wall faint alcohol on his breath where are you running he stared at me like he was trying to
07:08find
07:08something mr hale let go you're drunk i couldn't pull free his hand found my waist rowan still so
07:16sensitive a low laugh did you think about me these past five years he was smiling now that smile he
07:22pressed a key card into my palm i missed you one more time i looked up at him same face
07:26same certainty
07:27five years and he still assumed i'd come if he reached out i shook my head sorry i've changed my
07:33preferences is that right someone new colleague client what's he worth in his mind that was my ceiling him the
07:41highest i could ever reach he used to say people can't earn beyond their own understanding same
07:46logic same world nothing impressive just a few years younger than mr hale his expression shifted i
07:52tucked the key card back into his jacket pocket it's not that you're not enough rowan i just don't date
07:58anyone over 20 anymore something dangerous crossed his face joel was waiting downstairs engine running
08:05heat on the seat was warm when i got in did you drink he turned to look at me one
08:10glass he handed me a cup
08:11of hot milk the mug warm in my hands i took it and sipped looking down he held my other
08:16hand warming it
08:17slowly you're freezing it's cold out there looks like it's going to snow the words were barely out
08:22before a horn sounded behind us short sharp a maybok pressed close to our car the headlights were on full
08:28blinding the mirrors someone tapped on the window i rolled it down rowan was standing outside move please
08:34you're in the way i smirked sure mr hale right away his eyes fell on our joined hands and lingered
08:40for a
08:40moment boyfriend huh i didn't deny it joel leaned over and waved hi sir rowan didn't respond he turned
08:46and walked away that was weird the road's completely clear why did he need us to move i didn't say
08:51anything i knew why rowan was curious he'd always assumed that without him i wouldn't find anything
08:57better but when he saw joel he froze for a second no fame no wealth just young and good looking
09:02joel was
09:0219 eight years younger than rowan when i first met him he was a restaurant server
09:08when i first met him he was a restaurant server quiet careful he noticed when i
09:13occasionally held my stomach and would replace my cold water with hot tea from the kitchen
09:17i left him a 50 tip he froze a little flustered too much you you should give less he stammered
09:24i smiled how old are you 19 so young and not in school he looked down i had a sports
09:31scholarship
09:32knee injury i had to take a leave i thought about rowan the first time he saw me a girl
09:38crying on
09:39the street someone to pity i recognized the look the story that followed was simple i paid for his
09:44recovery then we became a couple with rowan i had always looked up to him but joel treated me like
09:49an
09:49idol he opened doors handed me hot milk and offered his shoulder when i was down i wasn't sure what
09:54to do
09:54with that at first being looked after not owed anything in return rowan took over the company
09:59and started cutting things apart i'll give him this he was sharp he saw problems no one else had named
10:04yet right after a meeting isla arrived with coffee whispers filled the office
10:10so this is the boss's fiancee god she's stunning they look like a magazine spread but soon
10:15isla knocked on my office door didn't expect to see you here she sat down across from me still smiling
10:22i remember you from the hail house you were the scholarship girl right the one his father brought
10:29up from where was it i looked at her didn't answer four years i was away thanks for keeping him
10:34company
10:34a small pause in another era maybe that makes you a mistress but i think the modern word is
10:40slut isn't it i let her finish then i smiled your imagination is impressive miss merson when rowan
10:46and i were together you two had already broken up when you came back we were already done that's not
10:52a
10:52triangle that's just a timeline her smile tightened together you were together you're right that's
11:00generous we were sleeping together four years then we weren't she stared though the fact that you went
11:07back to a man who kept a four-year hook-uck i'd call that its own kind of dedication miss
11:12mercer
11:12you she stopped recovered well you've certainly changed
11:19used to barely say a word people grow up you haven't changed much though still walk into rooms
11:25like you own them her face went still she remembered i could tell freshman year my desk being the name
11:31she
11:32got the whole floor to call me i remembered too the door opened rowan walked in isla linked her arm
11:37through is immediately i was just catching up with win she's done so well for herself hasn't she he
11:43didn't say anything oh my friend is looking to move companies i sent you her resume last week
11:49i was thinking rin's position would be a good fit for her rowan looked at me briefly the match is
11:53reasonable perfect and rink we go way back right we can find you something with a lighter load sure
12:00whatever you think i kept my face neutral kept my voice even kept everything in
12:07i knocked on his door mr hale i'd like you to consider my record three years in this role
12:13a plus every review cycle he didn't look up miss cole personnel decisions are based on operational
12:18fit the company has its process i didn't push he was covering for isla he wasn't going to consider
12:23my position it was snowing by the time i got downstairs joel was waiting at the entrance umbrella
12:28already open hey he saw me and started forward i was halfway to him when a hand closed around my
12:33wrist rowan he pulled me behind one of the columns out of the light upset i pulled my arm back
12:38mr
12:39howe let go he didn't win your numbers have been strong for three years the regional manager
12:45appointment went out last week you didn't check your email he hadn't moved her friend into my
12:49position he promoted me out of it his eyes moved past my shoulder does he know about us
12:55what's your point he smiled i couldn't read it something between amusement and something else
13:00entirely nothing just remember to detail on the henderson project i need you to stay late
13:06a pause tell your boyfriend not to wait
13:10i texted joel he replied with a thumbs up no questions asked we worked until nine then rowan
13:16said the team should eat together at the table somewhere between the appetizers and the main course
13:20my drink was replaced with juice mr hale you're so careful with ren she can handle herself i've
13:27seen her drink a whole bottle of red to close a client deal rowan set down his fork is that
13:32right
13:32he looked at me showing off he said flatly the table laughed i didn't respond i felt him still
13:37watching checking something like he was trying to figure out how much of me he no longer recognized
13:42the snow was still coming down when we filed out joel hadn't left he was standing under the
13:47streetlight umbrella white with snow hands in his pockets when i turned rowan was at the top of the
13:52steps snow on his coat is it just because he's younger a short laugh it's not like you haven't
13:57been with someone young before we were 18. four years after that we worked rowan i stopped him
14:03you ended it you knew exactly what you were doing so what is this
14:10silence snow falling between us quiet and steady i want you back he said all these years
14:16being with you was the easiest thing i've ever had i smiled you're not an option anymore he looked
14:21at me curious almost what does he have that i don't he shows up i said he listens he's there
14:27when i need him i can give you more than that us the way it used to be better everything
14:32better
14:33i looked at him for a moment then shook my head before i needed what you could offer the stability
14:37the connections the way forward i don't need any of that now do you understand he went very still
14:44like someone had hit him and he hadn't seen it coming so that's what it was you were with me
14:49for
14:50what i could give you what else would it have been love his expression shifted rin you never felt
14:57anything did you i asked wasn't that exactly what you wanted someone easy someone who wouldn't ask
15:04for more than you were willing to give closed around my wrist whatever you want tell me i can
15:08give it to you i looked at him the snow was heavier now coming down fast marry me then i
15:14said he was
15:14quiet of course he was i'm joking rowan i never wanted that some people are born in rome his family
15:23had
15:23been on the printed and money magazines for as long as i could remember his future wife was
15:27already decided by the logic of his world the right name the right background the right everything a
15:33girl from nowhere ohio on a full scholarship that was never going to be me joel was still there i
15:41took
15:41his hand it was cold all the way through i'm sorry you waited so long i had time he turned
15:47the heat
15:48up without being asked the car was quiet warm air windows fogging at the edges he didn't ask about
15:53rowan didn't ask why my eyes were red he drove me home came upstairs that night he was gentle and
15:59then
15:59he wasn't after he lay on his side with his arms around me i stared at the ceiling joel doesn't
16:04your
16:04team have an overseas training camp the one in the spring yeah apply i'll cover the cost silence
16:10then he pushed himself up his eyes were red baby is this about him his voice was tight are you
16:16asking me
16:16to go it has nothing to do with him we agreed at the start either of us could end it
16:22no hard feelings
16:24rin i actually joel i looked at him gratitude isn't love when you feel like you owe someone
16:31that's not the same thing as wanting them you know that he didn't speak you're young you should be out
16:37there training applying building something not stuck in something that's costing you more than it's giving
16:41i've been happy with you but things at work are changing i'm going to be busy i won't be able
16:46to show
16:46up the way you deserve get your application materials together ask me if you need help he
16:51didn't say anything i turned to look at him he was watching me eyes wet just one word quiet okay
16:58i was ready to submit my resignation just as i stepped into the office
17:02isla stormed in the slap landed before i could react the whole floor went quiet you slept your way up
17:08here
17:08and you think you can take him from me you're nothing you were always nothing if i hadn't left
17:15he never would have looked at you twice crowds gathered whispers spread is that the original
17:20girlfriend i always wondered how wink made regional manager so fast that's why he's not gonna throw away
17:27his whole future for her i looked at isla then i hit her back she stumbled hand over her face
17:32staring
17:33you hit me you hit me first i said if a dog bites you you bite back i'm rowan's fiance
17:41i'm this company
17:43you're his fiance not a queen and i signed an employment contract not a deed of ownership she
17:50couldn't find the words the crowd split rowan walked in he saw my face grabbed isla by the arm and
17:55hold her back what are you doing isla's eyes failed she crumpled to the floor rowan i waited five years
18:04and now you're ending our engagement for her you left that's why we broke up rin had nothing to do
18:11with it you haven't married anyone in five years it's because of her isn't it she looked up at him
18:17shaking but it doesn't matter they'll never let you be with her she'll never be someone you can stand
18:22next to in public rowan didn't respond to that he walked over to me are you hurt he reached for
18:27my
18:27face i stepped back mr hale please handle your own affairs if this happens again i'm calling the
18:33police his hand stopped in the air it won't happen again i took the resignation letter out of my bag
18:38and held it out he looked down at it his hand tightened around it rin don't do this over one
18:43incident one incident i almost laughed you let this whole office wonder about us you let her walk in
18:49here and hit me and now i'm the one everyone thinks broke something up it's always been like this
18:54i'm the one who pays his face shifted something like guilt rin i'm sorry i'll have isa apologize
19:00to you personally rodin i cut him off i don't want to see you anymore i turned to go his
19:06hand caught my arm
19:09don't you ask me if i ever felt anything i didn't answer but i do i did his hand was
19:15shaking
19:16i just didn't know it until too late he looked at me after you left i don't know how to
19:21explain it
19:22the apartment felt wrong i couldn't sleep you didn't leave anything behind not one thing
19:28and somehow that made it worse his voice dropped i used to think you were just
19:33comfort that anyone could have filled that space
19:37i was wrong it was only ever you give me time i'll sort everything out we can do this properly
19:43in the open i listened until he finished then i pulled my arm free rowan if i hadn't left five
19:50years ago if i'd stayed and kept reaching for you would you still want me he opened his mouth
19:55couldn't answer you wouldn't i said you would have gotten tired of me you would have stopped seeing me
20:00altogether you don't miss me you just can't stand that i stopped caring you're not used to it
20:06something that was always there suddenly out of reach that's not
20:12i lied i said quietly that night on the stairs when you asked if i ever felt anything i liked
20:17you
20:17for years so many years i didn't know what to call it i just knew i couldn't stop watching you
20:23i was like a thief watching you fall for someone else living in a house that wasn't mine thinking
20:30if i had been born into this maybe i could have kept up with you when you first kissed me
20:36i felt cheap
20:36and then i felt something worse grateful like i'd finally gotten to hold something i'd wanted for so
20:42long those four years were the happiest and the most painful of my life i kept telling myself there
20:47there was no future and i kept going back anyway cutting away at something that kept growing back
20:54even after i left i'd wake up in the middle of the night and it would just hurt right here
21:01i never want to feel that again he was quiet his eyes were red rowan love is something i can
21:08take
21:08or leave now it could be anyone but it won't be you he didn't speak i'm sorry don't be i
21:14shook my head
21:15i don't hate you i don't blame you if anything thank you without you i wouldn't have had the chance
21:20to
21:20study to become this to get here i looked at him one last time let's not see each other anymore
21:25and please don't reach out again i turned around and walked one step then the next i didn't look
21:34back behind me very quietly i heard i started a company with a few friends quitting my job had
21:41been planned for a while over the years my ambition had grown i was done working for others i wanted
21:46to
21:46build something of my own during my two years abroad i met many talented people we talked for nights
21:51shared ideas and decided to start together on the day we invested i brought half a box of gold bars
21:57to the office rin are you secretly rich did you rob a bank one of them picked up a bar
22:02weighing it in
22:02his hand this is real i smiled but said nothing about where they came from people say diamonds mean
22:07love to me gold was something you could actually hold not long after isla asked to meet this time
22:13she wasn't arrogant rin i'm sorry i lost control last time my family still needs the hell family
22:19i'll be honest a family like theirs won't accept you as his wife but you can still be with him
22:25he can take care of you i won't interfere i almost laughed i won't be with rowan
22:33she looked at me shocked you don't want to marry him is roadie my only option i asked she lowered
22:39her
22:39head after a while a bitter smile on her lips she took a breath but he only wants you now
22:44i was angry
22:46frustrated he used to like me we were fine then i went abroad and you appeared i thought when i
22:52came back things would go back to how they were but they didn't he never loved me she let out
22:57a small
22:57laugh i was away for four years he never visited me once but when you were at stamford he flew
23:03there
23:04every month my hand tightened you didn't know did you he's been watching you all these years
23:08he even fought his family and took over his mother's business he won't admit it but i know
23:13why he wanted more control more freedom for you he delayed marriage all these years i asked if it
23:21was because of you he denied it but everything was for you she smiled tired hearing this you must feel
23:28proud he cares about you that much i didn't answer the coffee had gone cold so he had loved me
23:34in his
23:35own way but the wound had already healed over the storm was already over showing up with an umbrella
23:39now didn't change the fact that i'd walked through it alone the company was doing well my partners
23:47were all experts in their fields our product gained attention in the market during the second round of
23:51funding i met rowan's father at a conference ten years had passed he looked older streaks of gray at
23:57his temples his position had risen even higher but his eyes were the same sharp assessing after the meeting
24:03he asked to see me you've done well you proved that knowledge can change fate i nodded thank you for
24:08helping me back then he smiled slightly i know about you and rowan i never approved but he's my son
24:13i
24:13couldn't change his mind he pushed a document toward me you can be together i won't interfere except for
24:20marriage he can give you everything if you have a child they can carry the hail name there will be
24:25a
24:25family trust no need he looked surprised men are unreliable money is not you should understand that i stood up
24:32i do like money i work hard for it but i earn it for freedom not to become someone's attachment
24:37i
24:38walked out making my own money felt good living for myself felt even better rowan kept his promise
24:43he never contacted me again even when our companies crossed paths he sent others instead
24:50isla later married into another family the man was known for scandals her wedding photos were
24:55everywhere she looked perfect in them i realized then being ordinary wasn't so bad on my 30th birthday
25:01i received a pair of glass slippers i didn't throw them away i didn't wear them either they sat in
25:06my
25:06closet gathering dust later when my company went public i wore them to ring the bell from a small
25:11town to nasdaq from broken shoes to perfect ones it took me 14 years at 32 the company's value had
25:18grown
25:1810 times work became even busier one night a colleague came to me excited hey ren there's a super handsome
25:24athlete downstairs seriously really handsome then go for it i teased her no chance she sighed placing
25:32a photo on my desk he's here for you the man in the photo looked young clear eyes a faint
25:38smile joel
25:38a knock came at the door he walked in wearing a professional team jersey brought her shoulders now
25:43stronger moonlight fell across him young alive full of energy ring he stopped in front of me and smiled ren
25:49long time no see three years joel looked the same old friends catching up just dinner i'm in the city
25:58for a week old friends i turned the words over once then smiled back sure my treat the restaurant was
26:04downstairs from my office the server arrived with our food out of habit joel reached for my plate ready
26:09to cut my steak for me the way he always had i pulled it back i've got it i said
26:14he stopped i can do it
26:15myself i'm not i've been cutting my own steak for years a short silence i know you always could he
26:21set his knife back down on his own side of the table i just wasn't sure if i still had
26:26the right to try
26:27dinner was quieter than i'd expected joel told a few teen jokes i laughed he looked relieved then we
26:33went back to eating joel refilled my water i thanked him we both looked back at our plates
26:37it wasn't awkward it was just the line was there the meal ended the bill came i got to it
26:42first next time's
26:43on me sure i said neither of us said when next time would be the air outside was colder take
26:51care
26:52you too then i turned and walked seven steps maybe eight then fast footsteps behind me i barely started
26:58to turn when joel came around in front of me stopping a few feet away between me and wherever
27:03i was going he looked at me opened his mouth then seemed to decide against whatever he was going to
27:08say
27:08then he leaned in and kissed me i went still for a second then i kissed him back after the
27:12kiss
27:13joel rested his forehead against mine and pleaded softly please let me stay this time okay we didn't
27:21sleep joel had energy to spare so did i by the time light started coming through the edge of the
27:26curtain it was almost morning joel kissed the corner of my mouth voice still rough i'll make breakfast
27:32sleep a little longer i made a sound heard him get up heard the bedroom door close i was most
27:37of the way
27:37back to sleep when the knock came i didn't move joel got it then silence i opened my eyes rowan
27:45was
27:45standing in the doorway i didn't know when he'd come in joel was behind him one hand still on the
27:50frame
27:50his expression out of my line of sight rowan's suit was creased like he'd come straight from a flight
27:55without stopping anywhere first he looked at me looked at the marks on my shoulder my neck his eyes
28:00went slowly red he made himself look away then he reached into his pocket took out a small box and
28:05walked over he crouched down beside the bed opened it a ring my grandfather gave his blessing rowan said
28:11low rough at the edges he said i should marry whoever i wanted he looked up at me rin i
28:16know you have
28:17every reason to say no i'm asking anyway marry me no rowan didn't stand up is it because of him
28:24not a question if i'd come one day earlier rowan i sat up pulled the covers around me you don't
28:29go
28:29back and buy a dress you wanted when you were 18. these past few years i think of joel sometimes
28:35i paused but i genuinely never thought of you the room was very quiet it's not me you love
28:40it's the girl i was at 18 the one who had eyes for no one but you who lived under
28:45your roof who
28:45waited for you to notice her who could be happy for days over something you said without thinking
28:50his throat moved where did she go she grew up she left i'm sorry don't be he walked to the
28:56door and
28:57stopped didn't turn around i heard the front door open close joel moved quietly in the kitchen like
29:02he was pretending he hadn't heard any of it i leaned back against the pillow and looked at the ceiling
29:07we didn't go anywhere that week not for lack of plans the plans just kept getting derailed we'd say
29:12we were going to that new brunch place in the morning and not make it out until noon one afternoon
29:16he bought groceries and announced he was cooking then burned the rice on the seventh day i drove
29:22him to the airport he traveled light one large bag one carry-on we walked to the barrier outside
29:29security and stopped the flashes hit more than last time everyone talking at once joel who is she
29:35is this the same woman from before are you too official well can you give us something i turned
29:41instinctively angling my face away joel didn't he turned toward me instead he took my hand fingers
29:46laced through mine and didn't leave me room to pull back then he kissed me in front of everyone
29:51in front of all of it unhurried not hiding anything he lifted his head looked at me first then turned
29:56toward the cameras the person i love most he smiled at me picked up his bag walked toward security i
30:02stood
30:02there for a moment a reporter moved in can i ask if you two are no comment i said thank
30:08you i turned and
30:09walked i'd walked most of the way back to my car before i noticed the corners of my mouth were
30:13still up
30:15i realized on the second evening the last message was two mornings ago training starting talk later
30:21and then nothing i sat in my office for a moment looking at my phone then i opened the flights
30:26app
30:26the team's training facility was on the east side of the city not hard to find i got there in
30:31the
30:31afternoon a few coaches buses outside staff moving in and out i went to the front desk and said joel's
30:36name the person at the desk paused joel's on leave he said he's not with the team right now got
30:42it thank
30:42you you want to leave a number i can pass it along does this happen often people coming to find
30:47him
30:47joel's the most popular guy on the roster a pause he never takes any of the numbers though i smiled
30:53no need but thank you he shrugged and headed back inside i checked my watch 40 minutes enough time to
31:00make it back for the meeting i turned and left when i got to my building i stopped outside for
31:06a second
31:06took a breath then pushed the door the lights came on not because of me roses the whole apartment red
31:12ones pink ones on the couch standing on the floor balloons against the ceiling their ribbons drifting
31:18in the draft from the door joel was in the middle of the room one knee down a small box
31:22held open in
31:23both hands you're home where were you these past two days here he looked at me more serious this time
31:31i was
31:32going to wait for a better moment until you were more used to this until i'd figured out what to
31:36say
31:36a pause but i couldn't i kept thinking you might get on a plane and come find me and then
31:42i thought
31:43someone who would do that what am i waiting for i looked at him how did you know i'd come
31:47i didn't i hoped you would i walked over took the ring out and put it on myself next time
31:53don't take
31:54leave without telling me joel stood up awkwardly and rubbed the back of his neck from now on
31:59you'll always know where i am i'll tell you everything good boy i stood on my toes and kissed him
32:06i went first
32:07this time
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