- 9 hours ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:01Among we poor, wife-sharing was common.
00:04My husband sold me to the local trapper Rowan for $300.
00:09Rowan was considerate and promised not to touch me for seven days.
00:13I turned down his offer directly.
00:16It's a two-minute business for my husband.
00:19No point dragging it out, just close eyes.
00:23That night, the old wooden bed creaked for hours.
00:28Later, I understood that men were not all the same.
00:32So wife-lending was nothing new in places like this.
00:37Poor men sent their wives out to other households to cook, clean, and bear children.
00:42The cheaper arrangements ran less than $50 a year.
00:47If a son was born, there was an extra fee on top.
00:51Men who couldn't afford to court a wife of their own would scrape together whatever they had
00:55and contract one for two or three years.
00:57Long enough to get a child.
01:00A contracted wife was not there for comfort.
01:03Days were for labor.
01:05Destroyed by a knight.
01:07My best friend Clara had been contracted out by her husband.
01:10She ended up serving four men in that household.
01:13His father and his younger brother included.
01:16When I heard, I cried for nights.
01:18I never imagined I'd end up the same.
01:21A light flared in the darkness.
01:23A tall figure stepped out of the yard, carrying a light.
01:27It's Rowan.
01:28Lily?
01:29He must come to make sure I wouldn't run.
01:31I walked to his side, a bitter smile tugging at my mouth.
01:35Run?
01:36He thought too highly of me.
01:39Half hour ago.
01:42My husband Edmund had gone down on his knees, fingers wrapped around my sleeve, face wet with tears.
01:48Lily, this is my last chance.
01:50I need that money for my test.
01:51Just one year, that's all I'm asking.
01:53When it's over, I'll come get you myself, okay?
01:56This was Edmund's fifth failed attempt at the qualifying exams.
02:00His family had nothing left.
02:02After talking it over with his parents, they decided to contract me out.
02:05Rowan had offered the most.
02:08Come inside, it's cold out.
02:09Watch the step, the threshold's higher than it looks.
02:12A hand touched my wrist, steadied me, then let go.
02:15Warmth faded fast.
02:16I pulled my thoughts back and looked up at him carefully.
02:20Rowan was an outlier here.
02:22His family had trapped and hunted these hills for generations.
02:26He lived alone at the foot of the ridge and kept to himself.
02:29They said he'd trained as a fighter.
02:31That he could kill a wolf barehanded.
02:34That he had a temper.
02:36A thug named Tom had once crept onto his property to steal, and ended up strung to a tree and
02:41beaten through the night.
02:43After that, every ruff in the settlement gave Rowan a wide beret.
02:48Tom was the biggest man in the area.
02:50If Rowan had handled Tom that easily, then I...
02:53I swallowed and stole a glance at his broad back.
02:56Then I stopped.
02:57White.
02:58Bright, vivid white in the room.
03:02Rowan had shrugged off his coat.
03:05Under the thin material, the lines of solid muscle shifted with every movement.
03:10In the corner stood a clay vase nearly as tall as my waist.
03:14It was full of winter-flaming branches.
03:17Blossoms open wide, filling the room with a heavy sweetness.
03:21Edmund's room on our wedding night hadn't looked half this fine.
03:26Was Rowan getting married?
03:27Then why had he paid $300 to contract me?
03:30Was I here to serve as a maid to his new bride?
03:36You don't like it?
03:38I was told women like flowers.
03:40I stared at him, too surprised to speak.
03:43This was all for me, but I was just contracted labor.
03:46This wasn't a wedding.
03:48Something shifted in Rowan's expression.
03:50His jaw tightened.
03:52If you don't like it, I'll get rid of it.
03:55He turned to go.
03:56I caught his arm.
03:58Don't!
04:01It's beautiful.
04:03I love it.
04:04That branch alone must have come from an entire flowering tree.
04:08The blossoms only grew up in the hills, a long climb behind the settlement.
04:14Hauling it all the way back without breaking a single step that would have taken real effort.
04:19And besides, the contract had been signed at the village elder's office.
04:24Both parties were bound.
04:26I was going to share a roof with this man for a year, whether I liked it or not.
04:30I couldn't afford to make an enemy of him.
04:36One punch from Rowan and I'd be lucky to keep all my teeth.
04:45You really mean it?
04:46I looked at him properly for the first time.
04:48He was striking.
04:50Clean, sharp features.
04:52The kind of roughness that came from years outdoors and not from hardship.
04:56A strange feeling moved through me.
04:59Maybe.
05:01Possibly.
05:01It was just possible that Rowan actually liked me.
05:07He walked to the table with both his hands and feet doing slightly different things,
05:12picked up two small cups, and carried them back to me the same way.
05:18Drink.
05:19And then settle in.
05:20Make yourself at home here.
05:22Was this a wedding cup?
05:24I had no idea why he'd arranged everything like a proper ceremony,
05:27but I took the cup and dipped my head.
05:30All right.
05:34It wasn't the first time I'd drunk one.
05:36When Edmund married me, he'd been giddy as a boy finding treasure.
05:39He'd held me all through our wedding night and talked until morning.
05:43Telling me he'd admired me for years.
05:45Telling me I was the prettiest girl in ten miles.
05:49Marrying me was the best thing that would ever happen to him.
05:54A year later, I was a chore he'd forgotten to do.
06:00His mother complained I wasn't pregnant.
06:04Edmund himself lamented that I couldn't read,
06:08and there was no point discussing books or ambitions with me.
06:13A real wife could be discarded that easily.
06:17A contracted one for a year had no chance at all.
06:20I lifted the cup and swallowed it in one go.
06:26That burned.
06:27It went down my throat like a lit match and landed in my stomach like a small fire.
06:32My eyes watered immediately.
06:38Hey, are you okay?
06:39That's my fault.
06:40I should never have bought the rough stuff.
06:42Here, here, water.
06:43Drink this.
06:44The man in front of me split into two and merged back together.
06:47I shook my head and tried to focus.
06:51Rowan was fussing over me the way someone handles a child who's hurt themselves,
06:55carefully tilting a bowl of water to my lips.
06:58I sipped.
06:59It was slightly sweet.
07:01Better?
07:02A little better?
07:03His hand moved in slow circles across my back, steady and warm even through several layers
07:10of cloth.
07:11A tall, handsome man talking to me in a low, gentle voice.
07:16My head swam harder.
07:18I was drunk, I thought.
07:21Definitely drunk.
07:22I reached out, grabbed Rowan's arm, and started pulling him toward the bed.
07:27Come on.
07:28Let's get this done.
07:30Rowan didn't move.
07:32He caught my hands with a look of something like panic.
07:35Face bright red.
07:37Stumbling over his words.
07:39That, that won't be necessary.
07:42You've just arrived.
07:44Everything must feel strange.
07:47We can take our time.
07:49Get to know each other first.
07:51And when you feel more comfortable, we can...
07:53I let go and gave him a flat smile.
07:57It takes two minutes to drink a glass of water.
08:00You're suggesting we drag this out for two weeks?
08:04Before I married, my sister-in-law had sat me down and explained what happened between
08:09a man and a woman.
08:11My wedding night with Edmund, I'd been nervous.
08:14Then it happened, and I realized it bore no resemblance to what I'd imagined.
08:20It was fast.
08:22Clothes off.
08:23A brief fumbling.
08:25Two or three movements.
08:26And it was finished.
08:28Quicker than drinking a glass of water.
08:31Rowan looked like something had broken in his face.
08:34He stared at me like he'd misheard.
08:37My head was spinning worse, and my patience was gone.
08:42Stop standing there.
08:44Come on.
08:45We shared everything.
08:47Even the last of our food.
08:49When Clara was first contracted out, her face was bruised daily.
08:53Two months in, she was pregnant.
08:55After that, things improved.
08:57They stopped hitting her.
08:58She put on a little weight.
09:01Rowan's throat moved.
09:03His eyes held something like banked fire.
09:07Both hands were clenched at his sides, the tendrons standing out, a visible effort at restraint.
09:16Are you sure you want tonight?
09:18If you mean it, then I...
09:21I didn't answer.
09:23I walked to the bed and started taking off my clothes.
09:29The quilt had clearly been aired recently.
09:32Up close, it smelled like warm sunlight.
09:35It was going to be wonderful comfortable to sleep under.
09:38Better than the lumpy, matted thing Edmund kept on their bed.
09:43I was exhausted.
09:45I just wanted this finish so I could sleep.
09:50Lily.
09:51Rowan's breath was hot against the back of my neck.
09:54I looked down at my own waist and found two large, steady hands wrapped around it.
10:05A night with no sleep.
10:07The old wooden bed creaked and groaned through every hour, rattling the wall against its frame.
10:13My knuckles had gone white on the sheets.
10:16My fingers ached at the joints.
10:18My breathing came ragged and uneven, and my throat felt raw even trying to draw air.
10:25Rowan's palms burned.
10:27His grip pinned me.
10:30Without effort.
10:32His presence wrapped around me from every direction.
10:38My eyelids were heavy as stone, but there was no space to close them.
10:44Every bone in my body felt taken apart and re-estembled wrong.
10:49The dark at the window faded slowly.
10:52Gray light crept up in the east.
10:55I stared at the patch on the canopy above and understood, disley, that it was morning.
11:01Rowan had gone all night.
11:03This was supposed to be a two-minute thing.
11:06How had it gone all night?
11:08The last thought I had before I lost consciousness.
11:11Men were not all the same.
11:14The difference was enormous.
11:19I was woken by sunlight.
11:21I half opened my eyes, looked at the brightness pouring through the window.
11:26I scrambled upright in a panic.
11:30My legs buckled, and I sat back down on the bed.
11:34I thought about the night before, and couldn't help a short, disgusted sound.
11:44Rowan, he had the face of a simple, straightforward man.
11:48The reality was apparently far more complicated.
11:52Where had he learned any of that?
11:58I wanted to pull the quilt over my head and stay there.
12:04The door opened and a shadow filled most of the frame.
12:07I had overslept badly.
12:09You're up.
12:09By the position of the sun, it was well past mid-morning, nearly noon.
12:13I had never heard of a contracted wife sleeping this late.
12:21I'm sorry.
12:22I didn't mean to.
12:23Last night just wore me out.
12:24Please don't be angry.
12:25I'll start the cooking right now.
12:27Rowan looked at me for a long moment with an expression I couldn't name.
12:30Then he sighed.
12:31Eat first.
12:32I noticed then that he was carrying a wooden tray loaded with four or five dishes.
12:37Scrambled eggs with chives, rich and yellow.
12:39Half a stewed chicken, tender and dark golden.
12:42Salt pork with cabbage, a plate of pickled cucumbers, pale green and bright.
12:46And in front of my place, a bowl of hot rice, piled high enough to overflow.
12:50My God.
12:51A landlord's table didn't look like this.
12:54I hadn't eaten in two days.
12:56My mouth was already watering and my stomach had started to plane.
13:01I grew up the oldest of five girls before my parents finally had a son.
13:06In a house like that, daughters ate last and least.
13:09I had gone a full year without tasting an egg.
13:12After I married Edmund, I found that his family's prosperity was mostly appearance.
13:16His parents ringed out every coin they had to keep him in school.
13:19Edmund got an egg for breakfast each morning to help him study and ate meat twice a month.
13:23I got stale cornbread and pickled scraps.
13:26Right.
13:27Food like this couldn't possibly be for me.
13:31The moment I reached for it, Rowan would call me a greedy, shameless woman and use it as an excuse
13:38to hit me.
13:43Lily.
13:43Lily.
13:44Rowan's voice sharpened.
13:45Here it was.
13:46Every muscle in my body locked up at once.
13:50Was he going to hit me?
13:51Good.
13:52At least get it over with.
13:54The waiting was worse than anything else.
13:56I paid to contract you.
13:57That means you do what I say.
14:00Doesn't it?
14:01I straightened, trembling, and nodded hard.
14:04Something flickered in his expression.
14:06Pained.
14:07But his face stayed firm.
14:09Then I'm ordering you to eat every single thing on that table.
14:11Every bite.
14:12I have some business to take care of.
14:14When you're done, tidy up the house and wait for me.
14:17He turned and took two steps toward the door, then came back and lightly tapped the top of my head.
14:22If you honestly can't finish it, leave it.
14:25Don't make yourself sick.
14:27Then he was gone.
14:29I stood in the middle of the room like I'd been planted there.
14:31The clean, sharp smell he left behind, wood smoke and soap and open air, faded slowly.
14:37The smell of the chicken soup kept moving into the space it left.
14:40I looked at the chicken leg.
14:41I had never eaten one in my life.
14:43Better to die full than die hungry.
14:45Even if this earned me a beating later, a meal like this was worth it.
14:51The eggs were soft and fragrant.
14:54The chicken fell apart at the touch.
14:56Bones tender enough to chew.
15:00The salt pork with the cabbage was rich and savory with a faint sweetness underneath.
15:06Even the small dish of pickled cucumbers was perfectly crisp and clean.
15:11I ate with my head down, one bite at a time.
15:15Not stopping.
15:19Somewhere in the middle of it, without any reason I could name, I started to cry.
15:31In my parents' house, I had worked myself raw.
15:34Raised the younger ones, nursed sick grandparents, done everything asked of me.
15:39And I never once saw a piece of meat from it.
15:43In Edmund's house, I rose before light and wove cloth by moonlight.
15:48And I never once got an egg from my trouble.
15:52But here, in this house, the man who had paid money to contract me had made me a chicken leg.
15:59I set down my chopstick slowly, feeling something I couldn't explain.
16:04I had cleaned the table completely.
16:07A full stomach meant there was work to do.
16:12I picked up a rag and a broom and walked out to the yard.
16:17And stopped.
16:19There was nothing to clean.
16:21The flagstones were spotless.
16:24The chicken wee poop had been raked that morning.
16:27Even the weeds in the kitchen garden along the wall had been pulled to the roots.
16:32Rowan, this huge, rough-edged man, was apparently very particular about cleanliness.
16:44A fist hit the gate hard.
16:47Twice.
16:48I was already heading over to wipe down the door for him when Edmund hooked his head in.
16:52Checked that the yard was empty.
16:54And slipped inside, pulling the gate show behind him.
16:59Lily.
17:00You must have had such a hard time.
17:04He'd barely said two words before his eyes went red and his voice broke.
17:08I'm sorry.
17:09I'm so sorry.
17:10Did he hurt you?
17:10Did he-
17:11He was looking at me while he talked.
17:12Looking me over.
17:14I was looking at him too.
17:16My eyes moved from his pale, fine-featured face down to his waist.
17:20Back at Edmund's house, I had kept a patch of squash in the kitchen garden.
17:24Always strange things, squash.
17:26Came from the same soil, the same row.
17:29And some came out thin as a thumb while others grew thick as a man's arm.
17:32So men were like squash too.
17:34You-
17:35You-
17:36He stopped.
17:37He touched you.
17:38He did, didn't he?
17:40Something in his face shifted.
17:41The guilt curdled into outrage.
17:43I looked down and found my collar open at the neck.
17:46The skin along my collarbone was marked with deep red.
17:50I thought of the night before, and heat rushed to my face.
17:53It had been exhausting.
17:54But the kind of exhausting that left a strange, warm feeling behind.
17:58Sweet and sour together, with something else underneath that I didn't have a name for.
18:02My legs were still unsteady.
18:04How could you let him touch you?
18:06Why didn't you fight?
18:07Why didn't you fight him?
18:08Edmund's voice tore through me.
18:10I looked at him, flailing and stamping, and the face I'd once spent hours glad to look at, became suddenly
18:16repulsive.
18:16Edmund, have you lost your mind?
18:20You knew exactly what a contracted wife was for before you signed those papers.
18:24A contracted wife serves the man of the house.
18:27You sold me to Rowan.
18:29What did you think was going to happen?
18:30I served him well.
18:32Rowan is satisfied.
18:34You should be happy.
18:36With every sentence I spoke, he took one step back.
18:40By the end, he was against the wall with nowhere left to go.
18:45His lips worked for a moment.
18:47He looked at me with the expression of a man who has been deeply wronged.
18:51Lily, why would you say that?
18:53I told you this was a necessary sacrifice for our future.
18:56Why would you degrade yourself like this?
18:58How can you do this to me after everything I've given up for my studies?
19:05I grabbed the feather duster off the hook and went at him with everything I had.
19:09Oh, very noble.
19:11Very fine.
19:13You sold your own wife to another man!
19:15Get out!
19:16Get out of my sight!
19:17I don't want to see your face!
19:19You're out of your mind!
19:21I came here out of the goodness of my heart and you attack me!
19:24The gate slammed.
19:26I leaned against it, chest heaving, a fire burning somewhere behind my ribs.
19:31I knew it had been a mistake to drive him off.
19:34In a year, when the contract ended, I'd go back to being his wife.
19:38Back to that house.
19:39I'd made things worse for my future self.
19:42But I couldn't hold it in any longer.
19:53Edmund had stood there, red-eyed and trembling, calling himself wronged, saying I had degraded
20:00myself, asking how I could do this to him.
20:02He had sold me, like a piece of furniture.
20:06And then he came here to stand in another man's yard and tell me I owed him something.
20:10I pressed the heels of my hands against my eyes.
20:13A year.
20:15I had to get through one year, then go back.
20:18Back to the cornbread and the pickled scraps.
20:21Back to his mother's complaints about my empty womb.
20:25Back to his father's resentment.
20:28Back to Edmund's sighing that I couldn't discuss literature with him.
20:32I sat there until the shaking stopped.
20:37Then I got up, went inside, and started on the mending.
20:46Rowan came home before dark.
20:49He stopped in the doorway and looked at the clean room, the sweat yard, the pot warming on
20:56the stove.
20:57Something in his face softened.
21:01You didn't have to do all this.
21:06I wanted to, and I meant it.
21:09He sat down at the table and we ate together.
21:12He told me about the hills, the trails, the animals he tracked.
21:17His voice was plain and easy.
21:20He didn't perform, didn't try to impress.
21:29After supper, he washed the bowls himself, and wouldn't let me take over.
21:34That night, he was gentle with me.
21:38Careful in a way I hadn't expected.
21:41And wouldn't have asked for.
21:46I lay awake afterward in the dark, listening to his steady breathing beside me.
21:51I didn't understand this man at all.
21:56The days settled into a shape.
21:59Rowan went out early, sometimes before I woke.
22:02I kept the house and the yard.
22:04He came back in the evenings with game or herbs, or sometimes just his empty hands and
22:10a tired, honest face.
22:13He never raised his voice at me.
22:15Never found fault with the meals or the cleaning.
22:19Never made me feel like a burden he was tolerating.
22:23He asked me things.
22:25Not testing questions with correct answers.
22:28Real questions.
22:30What I liked.
22:32What I remembered from growing up.
22:34Whether I was warm enough at night.
22:36I started answering him like I meant it.
22:39One morning I found a bundle of wildflowers left on the table.
22:43No explanation.
22:45Just the flowers.
22:46I put them in a jar and said nothing.
22:49But I kept looking at them all day.
22:52The village didn't leave us alone entirely.
22:54People found reasons to pass the gate.
22:57Glances over the fence.
22:58Whispers when I went to the well.
23:00A contracted wife living well.
23:02That was interesting enough to watch.
23:04Some of the women were kind to me.
23:06Some weren't.
23:07Clara came to see me.
23:09We sat in the yard with a pot of tea between us.
23:11And she held my hands and looked at my face for a long time.
23:15You look different.
23:16She said.
23:17Different how?
23:18She thought about it.
23:20Less afraid.
23:22I didn't say anything to that.
23:24She told me how things were for her now.
23:26In that household.
23:27I listened.
23:28I didn't cry this time.
23:30But my chest was tight for a long time after she left.
23:33Edmund came back.
23:34Not crashing in through the gate this time.
23:36He stood outside it.
23:38In the lane and called my name.
23:40Quiet.
23:40Almost careful.
23:42I opened the gate and looked at him.
23:44He had lost weight.
23:46His scholar's hands were dirty at the nails.
23:48I want to apologize.
23:52What for?
23:55For what I said last time.
24:01You should go.
24:03Lily!
24:04Edmund!
24:06He stood there a moment longer.
24:08Then he turned and walked away.
24:10I closed the gate and went back to the yard.
24:13The tightness in my chest didn't come this time.
24:17Word reached me a few weeks later through one of the village women.
24:20Edmund had told people in town that I had gone eagerly to Rowan's house.
24:24That I had wanted to go.
24:26That the contract had been my idea.
24:29A scholar's rotation.
24:31That was what it came down to.
24:34He couldn't be the man who had sold his wife.
24:38So I had to be the wife who had sold herself.
24:43I was drawing water at the well when I heard two women talking on the other side of the fence.
24:47Not even ashamed of herself.
24:49Walking around like she belongs there.
24:51They didn't know I was there.
24:52Well, some women are just built for that kind of life, aren't they?
24:56I set the bucket down.
24:57I stood very still for a moment.
24:59Then I picked up the bucket and went home.
25:02Rowan wasn't back yet.
25:04The house was quiet in the way a house is quiet.
25:07When it belongs only to itself.
25:11I thought about what Edmund had told people.
25:14I thought about my parents' voices saying they had no such daughter.
25:20I thought about how it felt to be sold and then blamed for being sold.
25:24I sat down on the step and I cried.
25:27Not in front of anyone.
25:29Just by myself.
25:31On the step.
25:32Until I was done.
25:34Then I wiped my face and went inside to start supper.
25:37When Rowan came home, I was at the stove.
25:39He walked in.
25:40Stopped.
25:41Looked at my face.
25:42Who upset you?
25:43No one.
25:44I said.
25:44He didn't push.
25:45He just came and stood beside me and watched the pot for a while.
25:48That was enough.
25:52Rowan still wasn't back yet.
25:53The house sat empty and hollow around me like that same hollow place in my chest.
25:58My heart had already died the day Edmund sold me.
26:01I had known that.
26:02But a small stubborn piece of it had kept on wanting things it had no right to want.
26:07That day, looking at Edmund's face and seeing the self-interest dressed up as feeling, that piece finally let go.
26:14I wiped my eyes.
26:16I was tired.
26:18Kind of tired that lives in the bones.
26:20I wanted to sleep for a long time.
26:22Lily!
26:22What happened?
26:23Who did this to you?
26:25Rowan was back.
26:26He came through the door still cold from outside, dropped everything at his feet, and crossed the room to me
26:30in a few steps.
26:32He held me at arm's length and looked me over, front and back, lifted me slightly off the ground and
26:36turned me around once.
26:37Did you fall?
26:38Are you hurt?
26:39Where does it hurt?
26:40Show me.
26:42We're going to the doctor.
26:43Right now.
26:46I shook my head.
26:47I stepped forward and put my arms around his waist and held on.
26:50Rowan went completely still.
26:52Every muscle in his body tensed.
26:54He stopped breathing.
26:56I pressed my face against his chest and love his heart beat fast and hard.
27:02Rowan, I don't want to go back to Edmund's house.
27:08That night he didn't touch me.
27:09He heated a full pot of water and let me soak in a long hot bath.
27:14Afterward he held me the way you hold someone who is tired, and he sang to me.
27:18Badly.
27:19He was clearly making up the tune as he went, but he kept going until I fell asleep.
27:23When I woke in the morning the yard was already swept and something warm was waiting on the stove.
27:28Rowan was in the yard, shirtless despite the cold, splitting wood with great cheerful enthusiasm.
27:33He saw me come out and grinned.
27:35Did I wake you?
27:37I figured you'd be up by now.
27:38He was going back into the hills for five days.
27:41He wanted to earn more money.
27:43He wanted things to be comfortable for me.
27:45The morning he left, he made a pot of broth that would last.
27:49Told me to eat on schedule and not go looking for trouble.
27:52I nodded.
27:53I watched him shoulder his rifle and walk out into the early mist.
27:57And I felt something I didn't want to examine too closely.
28:02Those five days I swept the yard every morning and kept a plate warm on the stove each evening.
28:07On the fifth day, at dusk, with the sky burning orange and red along the ridge, his shape appeared at
28:13the far end of the lane.
28:14He was walking fast.
28:15His face was lit up.
28:17His game bag was full and heavy.
28:20Lily, I'm home!
28:21He'd barely made it through the gate before he set the bag down and came toward me, eyes bright.
28:26I stepped forward to help him with the rifle, but he caught my hands.
28:30Hold on.
28:31I brought you something.
28:33He crouched down and opened the bag the way you'd open something that might break.
28:37Slowly, gently, with both hands.
28:39At the mouth of the bag, two white shapes appeared.
28:42Long necks, faint golden markings, soft as winter light.
28:47A pair of fesses.
28:49White ones.
28:51Rare enough that most people lived and died without seeing one.
28:56Are those white fesses?
29:01My eyes went wide.
29:03White pheasants were considered a lucky omen.
29:05Some people said they appeared only once in a generation.
29:08Rowan nodded, stroking the feathers with one finger, voice gentle.
29:12Found them deep in the backcountry.
29:13Took two days of waiting to catch them.
29:15Not a feather out of place.
29:16News moved fast.
29:18By the next morning the whole settlement knew about the birds.
29:21A crowd had gathered at the gate.
29:23Everyone up on their T's trying to see over.
29:25Voices tumbling over each other.
29:26Lord above, they're real.
29:28Just like the old people used to describe.
29:30That's a genuine lucky omen.
29:31You know what those are worth to the county magistrate?
29:34At least a hundred dollars as a gift.
29:37Rowan's made his fortune.
29:39A hundred dollars!
29:41That's a regular family's whole lifetime!
29:43Someone pressed forward to tell Rowan, with a face full of flattering,
29:46that gifting them to the magistrate might get him a proper appointment somewhere.
29:50Rowan gave them a flat look and said nothing.
29:52He turned and carried the cage to the shaded corner of the yard,
29:55set it down, filled a small dish with millet and water for the birds.
29:59Don't listen to them.
30:01Once I've made the arrangements, I'll take them to town.
30:05I know someone reliable there who can get them to the county seat safely.
30:09I watched his serious face and felt something warm move through my chest.
30:13I nodded.
30:15I thought that was settled.
30:16I was wrong.
30:18That same afternoon, urgent fists hit the gate,
30:20and with it came a sound that made my stomach drop.
30:23Mrs. Hartley's voice, sharp as wire.
30:27Lily!
30:29Open up!
30:31Open this gate, Royal!
30:36Rowan read my face and put a hand on my shoulder.
30:39I'll get it.
30:40You stay inside.
30:41Don't let her get under your skin.
30:43I shook my head and took his hand off.
30:45I'll go.
30:47It was always going to come to this.
30:48Mrs. Hartley stood in the lane with the deliberate look of someone who has decided she has owed something.
30:53A few curious neighbors had already gathered behind her.
30:55Her eyes went past me, the moment I opened the gate.
30:58Straight to the corner of the yard, straight to the cage.
31:00Something lit up in her face that I didn't like at all.
31:02There it is.
31:03She pushed past me and walked directly to the cage,
31:07craning her neck to look at the birds inside.
31:09The hunger in her expression kept getting bigger.
31:12Rowan stepped in front of her, jaw set, voice cool.
31:15Mrs. Hartley, what brings you to my house?
31:18She turned, gave him a brief glance,
31:20and spoke with the confidence of someone stating an obvious fact.
31:23Lily is my son's wife.
31:25She's been contracted to you for a year,
31:27but she's still an Edmund Hartley family woman at the end of it.
31:30Whatever comes to her while she's in your house belongs to us.
31:33I heard that and felt the heat rise in my face.
31:37That is the most outrageous thing I've ever heard.
31:40I was contracted to Rowan.
31:42These birds are his.
31:43He caught them.
31:45Your family has nothing to do with any of it.
31:48Her expression went through two or three colors,
31:51and then she launched into her speech.
31:55Edmund had sacrificed everything.
31:57The family had given up everything for his studies.
32:01Contracting me out had been done for our future,
32:04for my benefit,
32:05so I could one day be a scholar's wife.
32:07And now here I was living comfortably in another man's house
32:10and refusing to acknowledge what I owed.
32:13The white faces were a lucky omen.
32:16If Edmund presented them to the county magistrate as a gift,
32:19the magistrate might be so pleased
32:21that he'd approve Edmund's credentials by hand.
32:24Edmund would pass.
32:25I would return to the Hartley household as a scholar's wife.
32:28Wasn't that better than staying with a trapper?
32:33The more she talked,
32:35the less any of it resembled reality.
32:38The neighbors were murmuring now.
32:40The glances aimed at me had turned strange.
32:43I looked at her shameless face and felt sick.
32:47No.
32:48The birds are Rowan's.
32:49I won't give them to you.
32:51Get off this property.
32:52If you don't leave, I'll have At Rowan remove you.
32:55She saw my face and saw Rowan's expression,
32:58which had gone dark and still,
33:00and something in her flinched.
33:02But she didn't back down.
33:03Don't push your luck, Lily.
33:05If you won't hand over those birds,
33:07I will go down on my knees right here in this yard
33:10and let every neighbor in this settlement
33:11watch you turn away your own husband's mother.
33:14Let them all see what kind of woman you are.
33:18Rowan moved first.
33:20He stepped forward and blocked her.
33:22His voice dropped to something close to freezing.
33:24Mrs. Hartley, I strongly suggest you leave.
33:28This is my yard, not your stage.
33:30If you don't go now,
33:32you won't like what happens next.
33:33He was a full head taller than her
33:35and built like a man who had spent his life in the hills.
33:37The force of him standing there,
33:39quiet and certain,
33:39went through her like a cold draft.
33:41She straightened up,
33:42shot me a look full of venom.
33:44Fine, the two of you.
33:46Don't think this is over.
33:47We'll see how this ends.
33:48She turned and marched out.
33:50The neighbors drifted after her,
33:52most of them stealing one last look at the cage
33:54before they went.
33:54I watched her go and let out a long breath.
33:58The anger was still sitting in my chest.
34:01Rowan came up beside me and ruffled my hair lightly.
34:03Don't let it in.
34:05She's making noise.
34:06She can't actually do anything.
34:08I leaned slightly toward him.
34:11I'm not worried about the noise.
34:13I'm worried she'll go after the birds.
34:15He was quiet a moment.
34:17You're right.
34:19Leaving them here overnight is a risk.
34:21I'm going into town now.
34:23I have someone I trust
34:24who can get word to the county seat.
34:26Have him send someone official to collect the birds.
34:30That's the safest way.
34:34I grabbed his arm.
34:36Just take them with you.
34:38I don't like them sitting here.
34:40No.
34:40These birds are fragile.
34:42The road to the county settle is rough.
34:44I don't want anything to happen to them on the way.
34:47If the magistrate's office sends a proper escort,
34:50that's safer for everyone.
34:51He paused, then added,
34:54After I leave, lock the front gate.
34:56Lock the inside door too.
34:58Whatever you hear outside,
34:59don't come out until I'm back.
35:00I won't be long.
35:02I looked at his worried face and nodded.
35:06I know.
35:08Be careful out there.
35:11He pulled me in briefly,
35:13held on for a second,
35:15then walked out fast.
35:16I followed him to the gate
35:18and watched his shape disappear into the evening dark.
35:20Then I shut the gate,
35:22slide the bolt across,
35:23and checked it twice.
35:24The yard was quiet,
35:25just wind in the leaves.
35:27The night came in fast.
35:28The moon went behind clouds
35:30and took the last of the light with it.
35:32I sat inside with my needlework,
35:34trying to keep my hands busy.
35:36It didn't help.
35:38I kept pricking my fingers.
35:40Small beads of blood dotted the cloth.
35:43After a while,
35:44something moved on the other side of the wall.
35:46Faint,
35:47like someone testing their footing.
35:48I set the needlework down,
35:50stopped breathing,
35:52listened,
35:52a soft thut.
35:53Someone landing in the yard,
35:55then careful footsteps on the flagstones.
36:01I was on my feet before I'd made a decision.
36:04I went for the door.
36:05Then I heard the voices.
36:07Move fast.
36:08Quiet.
36:09Don't wake that little rat.
36:10She's asleep by now,
36:11Ma.
36:12Let's just grab the cage and go.
36:14Edmund,
36:14get the lash open.
36:15Be careful,
36:16don't spook the birds.
36:17These are our ticket out of all this.
36:21I threw the door open.
36:23Stop.
36:24Right there.
36:26All three of them spun around.
36:28For one moment,
36:29something like guilt crossed their faces.
36:31Then it cleared,
36:32and they looked at me
36:33like I was an inconvenience to be moved.
36:35Mrs. Hartley put her hands on her hips.
36:38We're taking those birds tonight,
36:39and you are not going to stop us.
36:42Keep out of our way
36:43if you know what's good for you.
36:44Edmund stood to the side,
36:46but the careful,
36:47softly spoken scholar was gone.
36:48What was left was flat,
36:49and cold.
36:50Lily,
36:50be reasonable.
36:52These birds can change everything for me.
36:54That's good for you, too.
36:55Let us take them.
36:56When I've passed and earned my credentials,
36:57I'll bring you home.
36:58I won't contract you out again.
37:00You have my word.
37:01I laughed.
37:04Your word.
37:05I walked forward and planted myself
37:07in front of the cage and didn't move.
37:09Edmund's father came at me first.
37:10He grabbed my arm
37:11and threw me sideways hard.
37:13I stumbled back and hit the wall.
37:15The air went out of me.
37:17Stop wasting time.
37:18Tie her up.
37:19Let's go.
37:20Edmund spoke without looking at me.
37:22Mrs. Hartley stepped forward
37:23and hit me across the face.
37:25Open harm as hard as she could.
37:27The crack of it was sharp in the cold air.
37:29My cheek lit up with heat,
37:31and I tasted blood at the corner of my mouth.
37:33You ungrateful little wretch.
37:34You dare stand in our way?
37:36I will teach you exactly who you belong to.
37:39She kept hitting.
37:40His father joined in.
37:42I fought back with everything I had,
37:43which wasn't much against three adults.
37:45I went down.
37:46My arms burned.
37:47My legs hurt.
37:48My face was wet.
37:49I wasn't crying because of the pain.
37:51I was crying because of the cold truth of it.
37:57Edmund crouched down and grabbed my hair,
37:59forcing my head up.
38:00His face above mine was stripped of everything
38:02I had once mistaken for feeling.
38:04Just contempt and something greedier underneath.
38:06Lily, you really are pathetic.
38:08Rowan is a trapper in the dirt defending his property
38:11than stand on your own two feet.
38:13You'd rather be his contracted woman than be my wife.
38:16Let me tell you something.
38:17Whatever you think you are here,
38:18you're still just a contract,
38:20a year's agreement.
38:21You'll never be anything more.
38:23But I will be someone.
38:24I will be respected.
38:26And when that day comes,
38:28even if you beg me on your knees,
38:29I won't want you anymore.
38:31Not a woman without a shred of loyalty or virtue.
38:34I looked at his face and felt nothing but nausea.
38:37I gathered what I had left
38:39and bit into his forearm with everything I had.
38:43Edmund screamed and kicked me away.
38:45She bit me!
38:47The woman's feral!
38:49Mrs. Hartley pulled him back.
38:53Forget her.
38:55Let's take the cage and go before Rowan comes back.
39:03They grabbed the cage and ran.
39:06I lay on the cold stone and stared at the sky.
39:09Rowan had spent two days in the hills waiting for those birds.
39:12Not a feather out of place, he'd said.
39:14I hadn't been able to protect them.
39:16The gray of pre-dawn was starting at the edge of the sky
39:18when the gates won't open and Rowan came in fast.
39:21A uniformed officer of the county court right behind him.
39:24He saw me on the ground.
39:25He stopped being calm entirely.
39:29Lily.
39:31Lily, are you hurt?
39:34The officer looked around the yard and frowned.
39:37Looks like you had a break-in, friend.
39:44Rowan saw me settled
39:45and went straight to the Hartley house
39:47with the officer behind him.
39:49The Hartleys had brought the birds home
39:51and put them in the cage,
39:53fed them water and leftover scraps.
39:55By morning, both birds were dead.
39:58I found out later that this was something
40:00At-Rowie had known would happen.
40:02White pheasants were high-strung creatures.
40:05Captured and put in a strange place
40:07without the right conditions,
40:08they would simply die of distress.
40:11The officer's patience ran out completely.
40:14He clapped all three Hartleys and irons
40:17and brought them, dead birds and all,
40:20back to the county courthouse.
40:24The magistrate had already sent word ahead
40:26to the regional governor's office.
40:29He had been waiting for that gift.
40:31What arrived instead was two dead pheasants
40:34in a family of thieves.
40:37He was so furious he could barely speak.
40:39He ordered 50 slashes apiece.
40:41When he learned Edmund had been studying
40:43for the licensing's exams,
40:45he added a permanent ban.
40:47Edmund Hartley would never sit
40:49for another qualifying exam
40:50as long as he lived.
40:51All three came back unable to walk.
40:54Mrs. Hartley's health was already poor.
40:56The punishment broke something in her
40:58that didn't come back.
40:59She went home with a fever
41:00that climbed and wouldn't break,
41:02barely conscious.
41:03His father took to his bed
41:05and couldn't feed himself.
41:06Edmund sat in the yard all day
41:08with the look of a man
41:09who's somewhere else entirely,
41:11muttering,
41:11The exams.
41:12My exams.
41:13I can't sit for the exams anymore.
41:15His hair went gray at the temples
41:17almost overnight.
41:18He aged 10 years in a week.
41:20Everything he had worked toward was gone.
41:22Every plan, every sacrifice
41:24he had justified to himself and to me.
41:27The exams had been the only thing,
41:29and now they were taken away
41:31and he had nothing left inside
41:32to hold himself up with.
41:34No money for a doctor.
41:35No money for medicine.
41:37Mrs. Hartley's fever kept climbing.
41:39Edmund had nowhere left to turn.
41:42So he came to me.
41:44That afternoon,
41:45he dragged himself to Roe's gate,
41:47knelt in the dirt,
41:48and knocked.
41:52Lily, Lily, please!
41:54Open the door!
41:55He was filthy.
41:56His face was streaked with dust
41:58and dried blood,
41:59and he looked 10 years older
42:01than the man I'd married.
42:03He pressed his forehead to the ground
42:05when he saw me.
42:07Please.
42:08I'm begging you.
42:11My mother is going to die.
42:14The fever won't break
42:15and we have no money for a doctor.
42:19Please lend me what you can.
42:21I will repay you!
42:22I swear I will repay you!
42:24He kept bowing.
42:26Tears and snot ran down his face together.
42:29There was nothing dignified left in him at all.
42:34I looked at him.
42:36Do you actually think I'd help you?
42:40You sold me.
42:45You stood in this yard and held my hair
42:49and told me I was nothing.
42:52You let your parents beat me
42:56and then you stole from the man
42:58who housed and fed me.
43:03What happens to your mother
43:04has nothing to do with me.
43:05I turned toward the gate.
43:08He lunged forward
43:09and grabbed the hem of my coat.
43:12Lily!
43:14Please!
43:15I know I was wrong!
43:17I know it!
43:18I'll do anything!
43:20I'll give up the exams forever!
43:24I'll work with my hands!
43:25I'll take care of you properly!
43:29Just please!
43:30Please help my mother!
43:33Rowan appeared beside me.
43:35He reached down and detached Edmund's grip,
43:38voice empty of warmth.
43:43Edmund.
43:45Don't do this to her again.
43:48She's not going to help you.
43:50You brought this on yourselves.
43:52Go home.
43:54Edmund looked up at Rowan's face
43:56and then at mine
43:57and understood
43:58that it was over.
44:00He let go.
44:01He sat back on his heels in the lane
44:04and stared at nothing.
44:06It's all gone.
44:07He said
44:08to no one.
44:11Everything's gone.
44:15He tried anyway.
44:18He went door to door in the settlement,
44:20asking to borrow money
44:21for his mother's doctor.
44:24No one gave him anything.
44:28Everyone knew what the Hartley family had done.
44:31His father lay in bed
44:32full of grievances and self-pity,
44:34useless.
44:35His mother burned with fever,
44:37drifting in and out of sense,
44:39muttering about pheasantsits and credentials
44:41and all the things she was still owed
44:44by a world that had stopped listening.
44:46She wasn't ready to die.
44:47She'd never had her good years.
44:50She was still waiting to see Edmund
44:51become someone important.
44:54When it became clear
44:55that neither Edmund nor his father
44:57could get money for her treatment,
44:59she acted on her own.
45:01She sent word through a distant relative
45:02to a moneylender in town,
45:04borrowed a sum in her own name
45:05without telling either of them.
45:08She thought it was simple.
45:09Get the money,
45:10see the doctor,
45:11then find a way to catch another pair
45:12of rare birds for the magistrate,
45:14get Edmund his credentials
45:15and pay it all back slowly.
45:16She did not understand
45:17how moneyletting worked.
45:18The debt doubled in days,
45:21then doubled again.
45:23Her fever improved slightly.
45:25The loanders came to collect.
45:27She did not understand
45:29how moneyletting worked.
45:30The debt doubled in days,
45:32then doubled again.
45:33Her fever improved slightly.
45:36The lenders came to collect.
45:38Three large men walked
45:39into the Hartley yard one afternoon.
45:42Edmund and his father
45:43shook and begged for more time.
45:45The men were not interested
45:46in more time.
45:49Edmund's writing hand was broken.
45:51His father's leg was broken.
45:52They lay on the ground and screamed.
45:54Mrs. Hartley sat on the ground
45:56beside them and wept
45:57and no one paid her any attention.
45:59The lenders took everything
46:00that could be sold or carried
46:01to settle what they were owed.
46:03The deed to the house,
46:04the furniture,
46:06all of it.
46:10When the lenders left,
46:11there was nothing.
46:12The lenders left,
46:12Edmund and his father
46:13lay injured and couldn't move.
46:15Mrs. Hartley's mind had cracked
46:16somewhere under the weight of it.
46:17She sat in the empty yard
46:18for hours saying nothing.
46:20They had nowhere to go.
46:21They gathered a few rags of clothing
46:23and moved into the derelict chapel
46:25at the edge of the settlement.
46:26The place had gaps in the walls
46:28and a roof that leaked.
46:29No food,
46:30no blankets.
46:31They survived on whatever
46:32they could beg from passersby.
46:34Edmund had come undone completely.
46:35His writing hand was broken.
46:37He couldn't hold a pen.
46:38He couldn't sit for exams.
46:40He couldn't do the one thing
46:41he had organized
46:42his entire life around.
46:44He sat in the corner of the chapel
46:46and rocked slightly
46:47and said the same things
46:48over and over.
46:49My hand.
46:51My exams.
46:52I shouldn't have been greedy.
46:54I shouldn't have contracted Lily out.
46:56When Rowe heard what had happened,
46:58he took three dollars,
47:00went to find the Hartleys
47:01and bought a legal divorce document
47:04from Edmund on the spot.
47:06He came home
47:07and put the paper in my hands.
47:10His face had that open,
47:11lit up look it sometimes got.
47:14Lily,
47:16you're a free woman.
47:17Then he seemed to make a decision.
47:21He took my hand and held it
47:23and his eyes were completely steady.
47:27Lily,
47:29will you marry me?
47:30Not a contract.
47:31A real marriage.
47:33You and me
47:34for the rest of our lives.
47:36I looked at him.
47:37This man who had cut winter blossoms
47:40in the dark hills
47:41and dragged them home
47:42for a woman he didn't know yet,
47:43who had ordered me to eat
47:45until I was full
47:46and then pretended it was a command,
47:48who had held me
47:49while I cried about someone else
47:51and asked nothing in return.
47:53My eyes were filling.
47:56Yes.
48:02Rowan threw himself
48:03into the wedding preparations
48:05the way he did everything.
48:07Completely and with great enthusiasm.
48:10He spent everything he'd saved
48:12from years of trapping and hunting.
48:14Fabric, ribbon, food, decorations.
48:17He got half the settlement
48:18to come help
48:18and transform the yard entirely.
48:20Red lanterns everywhere,
48:22paper decorations on every window,
48:23the smell of good food
48:24and wood smoke in the air.
48:26A hundred times more festive
48:27than the thin quick ceremony
48:29Eden had given me.
48:29On the day itself,
48:30the yard was full of people
48:32and noise and warmth.
48:33Half the settlement came to celebrate.
48:34I wore the red dress
48:36Rowan had bought me.
48:37Silver pins in my hair,
48:38bracelets at my wrists,
48:40a little color in my cheeks.
48:41Standing beside him,
48:42I felt something
48:43I hadn't expected to feel again.
48:45Happy.
48:46Simply, cleanly happy.
48:48Rowan wore a new
48:48rough cloth wedding shirt
48:49and looked like himself.
48:51Big and solid and sincere.
48:53He looked at me the whole time
48:54with a softness in his face
48:55that he didn't seem
48:56to know how to hide.
48:57We made our vows.
48:59In the middle of the ceremony,
49:00a commotion started at the gate.
49:02The Hartley family had come.
49:06Uninvited, unwelcome,
49:07they had come to eat
49:08someone else's wedding food.
49:10Edmund leaned on a crutch,
49:11his broken hand
49:11hanging in a sling.
49:13His face was gray and hollow.
49:14His father was being
49:15helped along by someone,
49:16his broken leg
49:17wrapped and dragging.
49:18Mrs. Hartley shuttled behind them,
49:20vacant-eyed,
49:21dressed in dirty rags,
49:22everything about her at odds
49:23with the red and gold around her.
49:25The guests who saw them
49:26first went quiet.
49:27Then the whispers started.
49:29No, their own family in ruins
49:31and they come here
49:31to eat off Rowan's table.
49:33After everything they did to it, Lily,
49:34have they no shame at all?
49:36Rowan's jaw tightened,
49:37but he said nothing.
49:39He didn't send them away.
49:43The Hartleads found a spot
49:44and sat down,
49:45and they ate,
49:46quickly without looking up
49:47like people who had forgotten
49:49what it felt like to have enough.
49:50Edmund drank,
49:51one cup and then another and another,
49:53until he was past the point
49:55of knowing where he was.
49:56He raised his head
49:57and found my face
49:58across the yard,
50:00and Rowan's beside mine.
50:06And something wrecked and lost
50:08moved through his expression.
50:10He started talking,
50:12loud enough for the people
50:14near him to hear.
50:15Lily,
50:16Lily,
50:17I was wrong.
50:18I know I was wrong.
50:19I shouldn't have contracted you out.
50:22I shouldn't have hit you.
50:24I shouldn't have said those things.
50:26Rowan,
50:26I'm jealous of you.
50:28I'm jealous you can give her
50:29what I couldn't.
50:30My exams,
50:32my hand,
50:33my house,
50:35my Lily,
50:36all of it's gone.
50:40All of it.
50:41The guests went quiet around him.
50:43Some looked away.
50:45No one argued with him,
50:47and no one comforted him either.
50:49When the evening was over,
50:51the dark had fully come in.
50:53A cool wind moved through the lane.
50:56Edmund refused his father's
50:57and mother's hands.
50:58He was going back to the chapel
51:00on his own, he said.
51:01He walked out into the dark,
51:03still muttering my name,
51:05feet stumbling,
51:07listing from side to side.
51:08The river at the edge of the settlement
51:10was running high that time of year.
51:13Spring floods.
51:14Fast water.
51:17Edmund couldn't see
51:18where he was going.
51:20At the bank,
51:21his foot slipped.
51:24He went into the water.
51:27One arm broken,
51:29he couldn't fight the current.
51:30The river took him.
51:31A few weak sounds,
51:33and then only the roar of the water.
51:36The next morning,
51:37someone found him downstream
51:38on the gravel bank.
51:40Soaked through.
51:42Face a terrible color.
51:44His expression still carrying
51:46the outrage of a man
51:48who had died believing
51:49he was owed better.
51:53Nobody cried for long.
52:00He had done this to himself.
52:06When the news reached Mrs. Hartley,
52:08what was left of her mind let go.
52:11She wandered the settlement for days,
52:13hair loose,
52:14calling Edmund's name
52:15and asking strangers
52:16when her son was going to pass his exams.
52:18His father was already bedridden
52:20from his injuries.
52:21When he heard his son was drowned
52:23and his wife had lost her mind,
52:24he couldn't take the weight of it.
52:26He stopped breathing there in the chapel,
52:28in the dark, alone.
52:30They said his last words
52:31were some version of I should not have.
52:34Nobody came forward to bury either of them.
52:36In the end,
52:37it was the village elder
52:38who organized a collection.
52:40Enough to dig two simple graves
52:42on a bit of unused ground
52:43at the edge of the fields.
52:44Mrs. Hartley was last seen
52:46walking out toward the hills.
52:47No one knew where she went.
52:50A charitable traveler
52:51may have taken her in.
52:53She may have died somewhere
52:54far from anyone who knew her name.
52:56There was no word either way.
52:58After the Hartley family was gone,
53:00there was nothing left
53:01connecting me to that old life.
53:03Rowan still went into the hills
53:04every morning.
53:05He still came back every evening.
53:07He never failed to bring something.
53:09Wild berries
53:10or a spray of something flowering.
53:12Just because he thought
53:13I might like it.
53:13Before long,
53:14I was pregnant.
53:15Rowan became someone
53:16I had not fully seen before.
53:18Careful, attentive,
53:19refusing to let me lift
53:21anything heavier than a cup.
53:22He would come home
53:23from a day's hunting
53:24and sit beside me in the evening
53:25with one hand resting on my stomach.
53:27Just there.
53:28Just present.
53:29He kept to our small yard
53:30and our small house
53:31and our small life.
53:33Three meals a day,
53:35four seasons turning.
53:37Steady and warm
53:38all the way through.
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