- 10 hours ago
Mommy I'm Not Lying Exclusive
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🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00...born. Not because I actually lied, but because of this thing on my wrist, the Verity band.
00:07Mom was obsessed with science-based parenting. So when my twin sister Emma and I were born,
00:13she strapped these bands on us. Green light means truth. Red light means you're manipulating reality.
00:20Emma's band? Always green. She could literally cut up mom's designer dress and blame the cat,
00:27and that little device would glow like a Christmas tree. Not me. She'd say. Green light. Believed.
00:34Me? I'd say. Mom, I'm hungry. And flash. Red light. Instant punishment. And mom's punishment wasn't
00:43gentle. No food. Locked in my room. Digital blackout. No phone. No Wi-Fi. Nothing. She'd say.
00:53The machine doesn't lie, Stella. Starve now. Learn later. I'm doing this for your own good.
00:59After 10 years of this, I started believing it, too. Maybe I really was born wrong.
01:06New Year's Eve, everything changed. My mom...
01:10New Year's Eve, everything changed. Mom was getting ready to take Emma to see the ball drop in Times Square.
01:17And that's when the pain hit. Like a knife twisting in my gut. I collapsed on the floor.
01:24My skeletal frame curling into itself. Mom, please. It hurts.
01:30The band flashed red. She looked down at me, disgust in her eyes.
01:35Nice try, Stella. Faking sick to crash our night? Pathological.
01:39She grabbed Emma's hand and headed for the door. I wanted to scream. But part of me thought,
01:47maybe she's right. The band is red. So I must be lying. I must not actually be in pain.
01:54Sorry, Mom. I won't lie anymore.
01:57But the pain got worse. Way worse.
02:03New Year's Eve, the door handle turned. For one second, I thought,
02:08she's coming back. She's a doctor. She'll know something's wrong.
02:12Hurry up. The fireworks are starting. Emma's waiting.
02:16Please, something's really wrong. I feel like I'm dying.
02:21She glanced at my wrist. Red light flashing like crazy.
02:25She crouched down, grabbed my chin, forced me to look at her.
02:29How long are you going to keep this up? Can't you just be honest?
02:33Stay here and think about what you've done.
02:36Honey, should we at least leave her some food?
02:39Mom stood up.
02:41Food? She has a stash of snacks she bought with stolen money. She won't starve.
02:45Brushing off her hands like I was dirt.
02:47Lock the door. When that band turns green, we'll talk.
02:51But...
02:52But what?
02:54Soft parenting is why she's like this. Look at Emma. Her band is always green.
02:59Stella's just a compulsive liar. She needs discipline.
03:04But my closet was empty. Emma stole that money. Emma ate those snacks.
03:09I tried to defend myself once.
03:12I didn't take it either.
03:14Red light.
03:15Three days locked up with nothing but bread and water.
03:19The...
03:20Emma peeked through the door, made a face at me.
03:22That's us. We're gonna see the pretty fireworks.
03:27The door locked. The house went silent. Just me. Alone.
03:33The pain was unbearable.
03:36But I kept thinking.
03:38Mom's right.
03:39The machine doesn't lie.
03:41The band is red.
03:43So I must be lying.
03:44I'm not in pain.
03:46I'm not in pain.
03:49I'm not in pain.
03:51I crawled to my desk.
03:53I had to write.
03:55That was the rule.
03:56If the band glowed red, I had to pen a thousand-word apology essay, or Mom would never let me
04:02out.
04:02I am a liar.
04:05I opened my journal.
04:07Pages and pages of apologies I'd written over the years.
04:10But this time, I wanted to write the truth.
04:14My vision blurred.
04:16I could barely see.
04:17My hand shook as I wrote.
04:20Mom, I really love you.
04:22It really hurts.
04:24Why won't you believe me?
04:27Please believe me just once.
04:29The moment I finished the last word, the pain vanished.
04:34Just gone.
04:36I felt light.
04:37Weightless.
04:39I looked down.
04:40I was floating.
04:42And there, slumped over the desk, was my body.
04:46Motionless.
04:47The Verity band still flashing red on a dead girl's wrist.
04:52Oh.
04:53I'm dead.
04:55Emma pe-
04:56I heard laughter.
04:57Mom?
04:58Dad?
04:59Emma?
04:59Coming through the front door.
05:01Tonight's fireworks were amazing.
05:04Especially that smiley face one.
05:06Just like our Emma.
05:08Mom's voice was so warm.
05:10I'd never heard her sound like that when she talked about me.
05:14I wanted to help them take off their coats.
05:16That's what I always did.
05:18Mom!
05:19I reached out to hug her.
05:21My arms passed right through her body.
05:24Like wind.
05:26She shivered.
05:27Why is it so cold in here?
05:29Is the heat off?
05:30I stood there, staring at my transparent hands.
05:34Right.
05:35Dead people can't hug the living.
05:37Should we check on Stella?
05:39Dad said casually.
05:40She hasn't eaten.
05:42If she finds me dead, will she be sad?
05:45Will she regret it?
05:57Still putting on an act?
05:59Think I'll carry you to bed?
06:01Stella, you're ten years old, not five.
06:03I screamed at her, only two feet away.
06:07Mom, I'm not playing.
06:09I'm dead.
06:11Look at me.
06:12Touch me.
06:13I'm freezing.
06:15Emma squeezed past her, held up her wrist with that smug little grin.
06:20Look, my band's green.
06:22Stella's is still red.
06:23She's lying, even in her dreams.
06:26Mom patted Emma's head.
06:28That's my good girl.
06:30Ignore the liar.
06:31Let her stay there.
06:32Maybe she'll learn how to be honest.
06:34Dad peeked in.
06:36Should we at least put her in bed?
06:37It's freezing.
06:39Put her in bed?
06:39The parenting expert says cold treatment is the answer.
06:43Look at that red light.
06:44She's still in full defiance mode.
06:47Come on.
06:47We have to visit Grandma tomorrow.
06:49The door locked again.
06:51I floated next to my corpse, staring at that single point of red light in the darkness.
06:57Mom, if you'd just stepped closer, if you'd just touched my hand, you'd know I was ice cold.
07:04But you didn't.
07:06Still.
07:06That night, a rat crawled out of my empty closet.
07:10I used to scream whenever I saw rats.
07:12But now, I just floated by the ceiling, watching it scurry across my dead body.
07:17It bit into my toe.
07:19It's okay.
07:20You can't feel it anymore.
07:22It'll be over soon.
07:24The next morning, sunlight streamed through the window.
07:27No warmth reached my body.
07:30In the kitchen, I could hear Mom making breakfast.
07:33The smell of bacon and eggs crept under my door.
07:36My favorite.
07:37But Mom always said liars don't deserve meat.
07:41So, I only ever got steamed broccoli.
07:44She was claying the pans extra loud on purpose.
07:47Trying to tempt me out.
07:49Trying to make me give in and apologize for things I never did.
07:53In the old days, I might have caved.
07:57But I don't need food anymore.
08:01Stella still hasn't come out?
08:03That night, a...
08:04Stella still hasn't come out?
08:06Dad asked, reading his paper.
08:08She is so stubborn.
08:10She can eat or not.
08:12I don't care.
08:13Emma walked to my door and made a big show of sniffing the air.
08:17Then she screamed dramatically.
08:19Mom!
08:20Stella's room smells gross.
08:23Did she pull the net?
08:24Mom stormed over, pounding on the door.
08:27Stella!
08:28Are you an animal?
08:29The bathroom is right there.
08:31Did you seriously go on the floor just to spite me?
08:34I remembered being six.
08:36I had food poisoning.
08:38Couldn't make it to the bathroom in time.
08:40Soiled my pants.
08:41Mom didn't help me clean up.
08:43She made me stand in the yard.
08:45Pointed at me and told the neighbors.
08:47Look at this.
08:49She's such a mess she can't even use the toilet by herself.
08:52Now she thought I was dirty again.
08:55Leave her.
08:56Mom said, waving her hand like she was swatting a fly.
08:59Let her sit in her own stink.
09:02But Dad stood up, frowning.
09:03That smells really bad.
09:05I should check.
09:07Could be a dead mouse or something.
09:09Dad, please open the door.
09:12I'm right here.
09:13I waved my transparent arms frantically.
09:16Dad's hand touched the doorknob.
09:18Stella.
09:19His phone was ringing.
09:20Dad's face went pale.
09:23What?
09:23The server crashed.
09:25Okay, okay.
09:26I'm on my way.
09:27Honey, there's an emergency at work.
09:29I'll be gone for a few days.
09:31Wait, what about Stella?
09:33He was already out the door.
09:35If that call had come one second later, I would have been found.
09:39Maybe then, I wouldn't have rotted alone.
09:42That afternoon, Mom took Emma shopping.
09:45The house was empty except for my corpse.
09:48When they came back that night, loaded down with fancy lobster and gifts, the smell had gotten worse.
09:54Mom gagged the second she walked in.
09:57Stella, are you trying to turn this place into a dump?
10:00Mom, she didn't even open my door.
10:02She grabbed duct tape and sealed the gap at the bottom.
10:05You want to be disgusting?
10:07Fine.
10:08Stew in it.
10:09Don't stink up my house.
10:11She patted her hands together, satisfied.
10:13Then went to steam the lobster.
10:16I stared at that sealed door.
10:18My last shred of hope suffocated under that tape.
10:22His phone was ringing.
10:23By day three, even the duct tape couldn't contain the smell.
10:27Mom was arranging fresh flowers, trying to cover it up.
10:31But the stench of death is unmistakable.
10:34Sweet, rotten, oily.
10:38She cut a rose stem too hard.
10:40A thorn pierced her hand.
10:42She snapped.
10:44Stella!
10:45She grabbed a rolling pin from the kitchen, stormed toward my room.
10:49I'm done with you, you disgusting little brat.
10:52Time you learned what real pain feels like.
10:56Don't come in, Mom.
10:57Please.
10:58I'm decomposed.
10:59You'll be scared.
11:01Even though she never loved me, I didn't want her to see me like that.
11:06But she ripped the tape off, jammed the spare key in the lock.
11:11Bang!
11:12The door flew open.
11:14The smell hit her like a wall.
11:17She stumbled back, dry heaving.
11:20Stella, what are you doing?
11:22By day three, she saw me, still slumped over the desk, back turned, not moving.
11:30To her, this was the ultimate rebellion.
11:34I'm talking to you.
11:36She marched over, raised the rolling pin, but stopped.
11:40She wanted to see my face first.
11:43Wanted to see my defiant expression.
11:47Get up.
11:48The moment she touched me, she froze.
11:51Through the thin fabric, her hand didn't feel warm flesh.
11:56What?
11:57But momentum carried her forward.
11:59She yanked.
12:00My body, stiff as a board, toppled backward, taking the chair with it.
12:06And there was my face.
12:08On my blackened wrist, the Verity band hung lifeless.
12:12My journal slid off the desk, fell open at mom's feet.
12:17The last page stared up at her.
12:20Mom, my stomach really hurts.
12:22The band is broken.
12:24I'm not lying.
12:26I'm not lying.
12:26Please don't punish me.
12:29She saw me, mom screamed.
12:31Not a human sound.
12:33A raw, guttural shriek that tore through her throat.
12:36She stumbled backward, slammed into the bookshelf.
12:40A vase shattered.
12:41But she didn't seem to feel the pain.
12:44She just stared at me, eyes wide, unblinking.
12:48No.
12:48No, no, no.
12:49This is makeup.
12:50Special effects.
12:51Stella, get up.
12:53I'm not mad anymore.
12:54Stop scaring me.
12:56Her hand reached out, trembling to touch my arm.
12:59The second her skin made contact with my corpse, she recoiled like she'd been burned.
13:04That cold was too real.
13:07Mrs. Lisa from next door called 911.
13:10I heard a scream.
13:10She'd heard the screaming.
13:11When she saw what was in my room, she collapsed in the hallway.
13:16Within minutes, sirens.
13:17Police.
13:18A medical examiner.
13:20They pulled up the crime scene tape.
13:22Cameras flashed over my body.
13:24Mom sat on the couch, a female officer's hand on her shoulder.
13:28She was babbling.
13:29She was faking.
13:31She always lies.
13:32The band was red.
13:34Machines don't lie.
13:36I was just teaching her.
13:37I was doing it for her own good.
13:39No one responded.
13:41They all looked at her like she was a monster.
13:43The medical examiner crouched next to my body.
13:46He muttered under his breath.
13:49Severe malnutrition.
13:50Organ failure.
13:52This kid was starved for at least a month.
13:54He carefully tried to remove the Verity band.
13:57But it had...
13:59Fused.
14:00Damn.
14:01He cursed.
14:02He had to use tools to pry it off.
14:05Even dead, my soul flinched.
14:14Mom's...
14:14A cop picked up my journal.
14:16Put on gloves.
14:18Started reading.
14:19Mom's eyes locked onto that book.
14:22Suddenly, she lunged for it.
14:23That's her confession.
14:25She admits she lied.
14:27Look.
14:27She wrote it herself.
14:29The officer pushed her back.
14:31Slid the journal into an evidence bag.
14:33We'll determine what's true.
14:35That's when Dad got home.
14:37He saw the black body bag being wheeled out on a stretcher.
14:40Saw the long zipper that sealed away my entire life.
14:44His legs gave out.
14:46He collapsed.
14:48Wet himself.
14:49Emma stood nearby, sobbing in confusion.
14:53She pointed at the blood-stained Verity band on the evidence table.
14:57Why is Stella's band black?
15:00Mine's still green, see?
15:02She held up her wrist.
15:03The green light blinked cheerfully.
15:06It was grotesque.
15:09The cops started questioning Mom in the living room.
15:12She grabbed the Verity band off the table like it was a life raft.
15:16Test it.
15:17That band proved she was lying.
15:19Red light means lie.
15:21I never abused her.
15:22The machine told me.
15:24I was just educating her.
15:26The officer looked at her like she'd lost her mind.
15:29Ma'am, the victim shows signs of extreme malnutrition.
15:33That's discipline.
15:35That's teaching her to be honest.
15:37Mom was shrieking now.
15:39Then she did something insane.
15:42You don't believe me?
15:43Fine.
15:44I'll wear it.
15:45I'm not lying.
15:47Watch.
15:47It'll be green.
15:48She snatched the band, still stained with my blood and bits of skin, and jammed it onto
15:54her own wrist.
15:56Click.
15:57Locked.
15:59The rubber pressed against her skin.
16:01Sticky.
16:02Cold.
16:04She took a deep breath and tried to calm herself.
16:07She needed to prove she was innocent.
16:10Needed to prove her parenting was right.
16:13She held up her wrist, eyes wild.
16:16Watch.
16:17I'm Rachel.
16:18I'm Stella's mother.
16:19That's a fact.
16:21Absolute truth.
16:23The red light exploded.
16:25Bright.
16:26Violent.
16:27Like a fresh wound tearing open.
16:30Mom's confident expression shattered.
16:33She slapped the band like it was a broken TV.
16:35What?
16:37No.
16:38I said the truth.
16:39I am Rachel.
16:41She started talking faster, panic rising in her voice.
16:45It's broken.
16:46It's broken.
16:46The examiner broke it.
16:47Let me try again.
16:49I never abused her.
16:50I did it for her own good.
16:52I love her.
17:21The red light flashed faster.
17:23It kept flashing.
17:24It kept flashing.
17:25Like it was mocking her.
17:27You're a liar.
17:28You're a liar.
17:30You're a liar.
17:31the dad couldn't take it anymore this man who'd been invisible for 10 years who always stayed out
17:39of it he snapped he lunged at mom and slapped her across the face you monster what did you do
17:47that
17:48was your daughter you treated her like an animal mom fell to the floor blood at the corner of her
17:55mouth but she didn't fight back didn't cry she just stared into space muttering not my fault not
18:03my fault then her eyes landed on emma cowering in the corner it's her it's emma emma's band was always
18:12green emma was the good one if it wasn't for that green light making me trust her i wouldn't have
18:18believed the red light so much this is emma's fault all eyes turned to emma that little princess we'd
18:25all protected the cop walked over gently removed the green verity band from her wrist took out a
18:31screwdriver pried it open right there crack the plastic shell split inside no sensors no chips no
18:42heart rate monitor just two cheap led lights and a watch battery the circuit was hardwired power on
18:50green green light that's it this is a two dollar toy your younger daughter's band was factory set to
18:57always be green no matter what she said did or lied about it would glow green your so-called science
19:06-based
19:06parenting was a joke a sick biased joke dad couldn't take it anymore no mom suddenly screamed
19:15she clawed at the band get it off get it off it's red i'm not a liar i'm not but
19:21the clasp was jammed
19:23from her violent struggle wouldn't budge i can't get it off stella take it back i'm sorry it's all my
19:30fault this little bit of pain and she was breaking mom i suffered for 10 years the cops needed evidence
19:39for charges and you better so they opened my journal in front of my parents february 14th sunny mom put
19:47celery on my plate i'm allergic my throat swells i can't breathe i said i can't eat it but because
19:54i
19:54was scared of making her angry my heart raced red light mom said i was picky lying made me eat
20:02the whole
20:02plate that night i threw up blood my throat felt like it was on fire mom saw it and said
20:09i'd snuck
20:10tomato juice that i was faking she punished me for 10 more minutes mom's hand flew to her mouth
20:17she was shaking violently she remembered that night the officer turned the page june 1st children's day
20:25emma cut up mom's dress emma's heart rate is always slow green light i tried to explain
20:32but i was scared of getting beaten so my heart raced red light dad couldn't take it anymore
20:39this man who'd been invisible for 10 years who always stayed out of it he snapped
20:47dad couldn't take it anymore this man who'd been invisible for 10 years who always stayed out of it
20:54he snapped he lunged at mom and slapped her across the face
20:59you monster what did you do that was your daughter you treated her like an animal
21:06mom fell to the floor blood at the corner of her mouth but she didn't fight back didn't cry
21:13she just stared into space muttering not my fault not my fault then her eyes landed on emma
21:21cowering in the corner it's her it's emma emma's band was always green emma was the good one if it
21:29wasn't for that green light making me trust her i wouldn't have believed the red light so much
21:34this is emma's fault all eyes turned to emma that little princess we'd all protected
21:40the cop walked over gently removed the green verity band from her wrist took out a screwdriver
21:47pried it open right there crack the plastic shell split inside no sensors no chips no heart rate
21:57monitor just two cheap LED lights and a watch battery the circuit was hardwired power on green light
22:05that's it this is a two dollar toy your younger daughter's band was factory set to always be green
22:13no matter what she said did or lied about it would glow green your so-called science-based parenting
22:22was a joke a sick biased joke dad could I laughed laughed until I cried turns out ghosts can cry
22:33too
22:34the officer turned to the last page of the journal her voice broke the handwriting was a mess
22:41clearly written while dying mom if I die will the band stop glowing red or if it turns green will
22:51you
22:51hug me then I'm not lying my stomach hurts so much like knives next life please don't make me wear
23:01the
23:01band please mom stared at the shattered pieces of plastic on the table that green light she trusted
23:09without question a cheap piece of junk mom started laughing her voice cracking with every sound but it was
23:20the laugh of someone breaking worse than crying fake all fake I killed my honest daughter and I worshipped a
23:29liar
23:30she'd lost her mind for real this time I left my death became front page news mrs. Lisa the neighborhood
23:41gossip posted everything online
23:43title girls starved to death by fake science band she described my corpse in detail the band fused to rotting
23:54flesh the internet exploded
23:58monster murderer she doesn't deserve to be a mother comments poured in like an avalanche
24:05someone doxxed mom our address got leaked people threw red paint on our door wrote death in huge letters
24:14dad got arrested too neglect failure to protect he wasn't there when I died so he got off light but
24:24his company fired him immediately
24:25to avoid the PR nightmare our family went bankrupt sold the house the car everything to pay legal fees
24:35dad couldn't stand living with that psycho anymore he took what little money was left and Emma and disappeared
24:43Emma was a bad seed sure but she was still his blood before they left Emma tried to take her
24:51green band dad stomped on it
24:54why the hell would you want that piece of trash Emma cried as he dragged her away my dad mom
25:01got out on bail the
25:02psych eval said she had severe PTSD and psychosis they left her alone in that rental apartment the one that
25:11still smelled like death her mental state deteriorated fast she started talking to me like I was still there and
25:19she refused to take off the red light band to punish herself she'd added a shock device to it one
25:26that
25:26delivered a jolt the second the light flashed red she said the small shocks were the only thing that
25:32eased her guilt she'd cook a whole table of food then talk to the empty air she'd pick up a
25:39piece of meat
25:47mom's heart is racing mom's lying liars don't deserve food picked up a remote one she'd rewired to trigger the
25:58shock on her wristband and
26:00shocked herself it hurts it hurts is this what Stella felt I'm sorry mom got out mom started reenacting my
26:11diary entries I couldn't eat celery because of my allergy so she forced herself to eat spoiled food
26:18until she vomited blood then swallowed it back down I was locked in isolation so she locked herself in my
26:26old room lights off and bowed to my photo until her forehead bled over and over blood on the floor
26:36late at night she'd see the red glow of the band reflected on the wall to her it looked like
26:42my bloody
26:43eyes watching she scribbled in red pen on the back of my journal I'm sorry I was wrong red light
26:51means pain
26:52red light means love please come back and say it hurts one more time I'll save you I promise
27:00too bad I'm dead dead people can't cry for help eventually the state intervened mom's self-harm got
27:09so extreme she nearly killed herself that they committed her she ended up in a psychiatric facility
27:16she was the strangest patient there she'd found a red plastic ring somewhere and wore it around her neck
27:24like a collar her homemade band if anyone tried to remove it she'd bite them like a rabid dog
27:33don't touch my light Stella's watching she'll be mad if you take it she developed a pavlovian response
27:40Rachel time to eat mom would touch her neck then start convulsing screaming red light red light don't
27:49punish me i'll eat i'll eat even if the food was scalding hot she'd gulp it down burning her esophagus
27:57wouldn't spit it out she was reenacting my final moments living my hell on repeat
28:05mom started reenacting my diet years later emma grew up without proper guidance and with a trail
28:11of infamy behind her she ended up at the bottom of society when she ran out of money she remembered
28:18mom's still in that facility she showed up one day not for love for cash
28:31hey crazy lady dad's dead give me your hidden stash disgusting just like your dead daughter
28:40if you don't give me money i'll pull your tubes and send you to join her for a moment mom's
28:46cloudy
28:46eyes cleared she looked at emma and suddenly remembered that band that always green toy that
28:56decade of deception it was you mom's voice was gravel you lied you're the fake green light you killed
29:06stella give her back give her back the last shred of maternal love twisted into vengeance
29:15mom lunged grabbed emma by the throat die you should have died not her you help emma thrashed but
29:25couldn't break free from a madwoman's grip orderlies rushed in sedated mom pulled her off emma stumbled
29:33out of the room terrified they're all insane she bolted for the exit
29:41a truck plowed into her she survived barely both legs shattered beyond repair wheelchair for life a
29:50total wreck meanwhile mom was strapped to a bed staring at the ceiling tears streaming in her dreams she
29:59finally saw me i was 10 again no band white dress smiling mom she reached for me crying with joy
30:11stella but her hands sparked with electricity the second she touched me i burst into flames turned to ash
30:20no she woke up screaming heart rate through the roof
30:25if she'd been wearing that band it would have been blood red eternal torment
30:31years later i stood in the void watching it all
30:36mom in the facility emma in a wheelchair begging on the streets dad drunk and dead in some gutter
30:44i felt nothing no satisfaction just a flat dead calm next to me was an old dog buddy my childhood
30:57pet
30:58mom threw him out years ago he'd been waiting for me at the boundary
31:02buddy nuzzled my leg barked twice as if to say let's go don't look back
31:10yeah time to leave this life was too bitter nothing worth holding on to
31:18i floated to mom's hospital room one final time she looked ancient hair completely white frail as paper
31:28she sensed something her cloudy eyes focused on a point in the air right where i stood
31:35stella is that you her trembling hand reached into the emptiness mom destroyed the band i don't believe
31:43in it anymore come back please i'll cook for you no celery i'll buy you new dresses not emma
31:51tears rolled down her face i looked at the red marks on her neck from the homemade band i sighed
31:59reached out my cold ghostly finger touched her forehead sleep mom in sleep there's no pain
32:09a breeze blew through the room the old journal on her nightstand flipped open the last page my dying
32:16words stared up at the ceiling but below it in shaky handwriting were new lines written by mom during a
32:25lucid
32:25moment next life let me wear the band let me be the liar punish me however you want just don't
32:34leave me
32:35i stared at those words felt nothing too late repentance means nothing to the dead
32:44mom i don't hate you anymore but i don't love you either let's not meet again i turned away
32:54buddy wagged his tail in the distance a door of light appeared the gateway to the next cycle
33:02i looked at my wrist the phantom verity band still there even in spirit form
33:09i grabbed it it shattered into stardust i felt weightless free no red light no hunger no lies
33:22just freedom morning came a nurse pushed open the door rachel time for your meds no response she walked
33:31closer rachel's hand clutched the torn journal a single tear crystallized at the corner of her eye on the
33:38heart monitor the wavy line had gone flat passing through the light wasn't violent no spinning no
33:46chaos just warmth like sinking into a spring stream even the lingering ache in my soul the phantom pains
33:54started to fade buddy pressed into my palm his fur wasn't translucent anymore it was soft warm real
34:02this was the living breathing connection i'd craved as a kid come on boy i held his paw and walked
34:09toward the brightness behind me the old life faded like a worn photograph mom's final tear the red glow
34:16of the band blood on the diary pages all of it blurred dissolved i didn't look back that 10 year
34:23nightmare
34:24was finally truly over passing when i opened my eyes again i was tiny wrapped in soft blankets
34:34someone was humming a woman's voice gentle off-key but full of love her fingers brushed my cheek the
34:43scent of gardenias not the sterile hospital smell of my old mom not the cold clinical distance
34:51i blinked up at her she had kind eyes a soft smile she cradled me like i was made of
34:58glass
34:59grace is awake she murmured honey come quick our daughter just blinked a man appeared tall a little
35:07awkward but his face lit up when he saw me he touched my tiny hand with one finger
35:13his voice was deep warm hey grace i'm your dad grace not stella no weight no chains no lies
35:24just grace sterling a name that meant something light something cherished
35:30when i opened this house was small but clean cozy cartoon stickers on the walls plants on the balcony
35:41sunlight pouring through the windows warm on the floor i realized fast this family was nothing like
35:48the last one they never forced me to do anything there were no verity bands i grew learned to crawl
35:58to talk and when i was three mom made sauteed celery the green stalks on the plate triggered me
36:05i flashed back to choking throat swelling vomiting blood i stumbled backward shaking tears came without
36:15permission mom immediately put down the spatula crouched pulled me into a hug grace what's wrong you don't
36:23like celery i couldn't speak just shook my head sobbing dad knelt too rubbed my back hey it's okay you
36:35don't
36:35have to eat it can you tell us why their eyes were patient gentle finally i choked out it hurts
36:44my throat
36:45makes me bleed they didn't say the machine doesn't lie they didn't accuse me of faking they took me to
36:53the doctor immediately turns out i really do have a celery allergy mild but it can flare up with stress
37:02after that celery never appeared in the house again mom even added it to her phone notes grace's allergies
37:09celery mango she checked every time she shopped i lay in her arms that night smelling gardenias and realized
37:18this is what it feels like to be believed love isn't measured by a machine it's listening even when
37:26the story sounds impossible this house was small when i was four preschool had a health screening blood draw
37:33i saw the needle and lost it flashes of the band burning my wrist flashes of starvation i screamed clung
37:42to
37:42dad's leg the teacher sighed grace it's just a little poke all the other kids were brave i couldn't stop
37:50shaking don't punish me i'm not lying dad immediately scooped me up shielding me from the nurse
37:59sorry he said firmly she's got trauma we'll skip this for now and take her to a pediatric psychologist
38:07on the drive home dad didn't scold me for being weak he just asked gently grace did someone hurt you
38:16before i buried my face in his shoulder tears soaking his shirt mom band red light
38:26i couldn't explain it clearly but he listened nodded you've been through hell haven't you it's okay
38:35dad's here now no one's ever hurting you again from then on they took me to a child therapist regularly
38:44severe ptsd the doctor said my parents never complained never made me feel like a burden
38:51they played honesty games with me where i could say anything true or false and they'd just listen
38:59guide me gently toward the truth they bought me colorful bracelets but never forced me to wear them
39:06these are just accessories grace wear them if you want take them off if you don't we'll love you either
39:12way
39:13slowly i started to heal i could say i don't like i don't like this without fear i could say
39:20i'm scared
39:21i could say i want that i didn't have to worry about my heart racing being evidence of a lie
39:30i started sharing my preschool stories with them i cried when i didn't get a toy
39:35i laughed when i got praise i was finally just a kid a normal loved kid when i was four
39:44when i turned seven i started elementary school there was a girl in my class annie sullivan
39:51she looked exactly like emma same eyes but her hair was shorter and she was timid scared
40:01the first time i saw her my heart clenched flashbacks emma's smug grin the green light mocking me
40:10i stepped back instinctively annie noticed she looked down voice barely a whisper
40:17i'm annie do you want to be friends her tone was so careful so desperate to please just like i
40:25used to be
40:26i glanced at her wrist she wore a cheap green cartoon bracelet my stomach turned later i found
40:34out annie's mom was strict too demanded honesty locked her in her room without food when she made mistakes
40:43one day annie accidentally broke the teacher's mug she was trembling too scared to admit it
40:48i saw her face red rimmed eyes barely holding back tears i remembered myself at that desk writing
40:57i'm a liar a thousand times i walked over took her hand annie it's okay accidents happen let's tell the
41:07teacher together she won't be mad annie looked at me shocked but mom says liars are bad kids
41:16being honest isn't about never making mistakes it's about owning up when you do and even if you tell
41:22the truth you shouldn't be punished for it if the teacher yells i'll protect you if your mom yells
41:28come to my house my parents will help i gave her the courage i never had she confessed the teacher
41:36forgave her told her to be more careful next time from that day on we were best friends
41:42when i told her i brought annie home to meet my parents she saw how warm they were how they
41:50didn't
41:50yell didn't punish over little things i told her you don't have to make everyone happy you're allowed
41:59to feel things say things one day annie's mom came to pick her up from school she saw us together
42:08and her
42:09face twisted she grabbed annie's hand did you mess up again is grace covering for you annie immediately
42:17looked down i stepped in front of her ma'am annie didn't do anything wrong she's a good kid
42:27you shouldn't always assume the worst she's scared of you the mom froze looked at me then at annie's
42:36tear-filled eyes her expression softened that night she called my mom thanked her you're welcome said
42:47i'd opened her eyes over time annie's mom got gentler started listening instead of yelling and annie
42:57she blossomed confident we learned about happy i watched her laugh freely one day and felt this
43:06warmth in my chest i didn't get saved in my last life i suffered alone in the dark but this
43:15time
43:15i could save someone else i could stop another stella from happening maybe that's the gift my past life
43:24gave me the ability to see pain and to heal it when i was 10 my parents took me to
43:34visit grandma in the
43:35countryside there was an old tree in her yard just like the one at my old grandma's house i sat
43:41under it
43:42watching sunlight filter through the leaves buddy does next to me then i saw her an old woman white hair
43:51her hunched over a cane wearing a faded blue shirt the second i saw her face i froze she looked
44:00exactly
44:01like rachel my old mom grandma noticed me too walked over slowly her eyes were hazy but there was
44:10something familiar in them what's your name child grace sterling she repeated it softly grace that's a
44:18beautiful name she reached out like she wanted to touch my hair then hesitated pulled back like she
44:25was afraid of disturbing something sacred my mom came over studied her mom this is our daughter grace
44:34so she was my grandma in this life over the next few days grandma watched me constantly her expression
44:41unreadable one day she brought me a bowl of steak burger grace eat up this used to be your favorite
44:48i stared at the bowl in my last life i wrote in my dying breath i want to eat mom's
44:56steak burger
44:57and here was grandma saying those exact words tears blurred my vision this wasn't some distant wish
45:05anymore it was real right in front of me i picked up a piece bit into it tender sweet perfect
45:15grandma smiled a tired guilty smile
45:20that night lying in bed with buddy curled at my feet i thought about rachel's last words
45:27next life let me be the one punished just don't leave me
45:31i thought about her final tear the torn journal honestly i didn't hate her anymore
45:39hating someone is like locking yourself in the past chewing on pain forever this life's happiness had
45:46already washed away the bitterness i just felt sad when grandma stayed for a month then went back home
45:55before she left she held my hand grace live well be happy her voice was soft but heavy with meaning
46:05i nodded you too grandma i watched her walk away and i felt nothing no anger no grief the grudges
46:16of my past
46:17life were like fallen leaves blown away by the wind i wasn't stella anymore the girl trapped by a red
46:24light
46:25i was grace sterling surrounded by love free grandma at 13 i graduated elementary school
46:34gotten to the best middle school in the city my parents took me to the beach to celebrate
46:39i stood at the edge of the ocean wind in my hair salt on my lips i stretched out my
46:45arms feeling the freedom
46:47for a moment i saw her my ghost self floating desperate to hug someone but passing right through
46:56grace what are you thinking dad handed me a soda i smiled just i'm grateful to be alive to be
47:07with you
47:07guys mom hugged me silly girl we're the lucky ones buddy chased the waves barking joyfully i looked at my
47:17parents my dog my future i finally understood the suffering of my past life taught me to treasure this
47:26one the pain taught me what love really means i didn't need to prove i wasn't a liar anymore i
47:33didn't
47:34need to fear red lights i could laugh cry speak freely i had parents who loved me a best friend
47:43a healthy body
47:44a bright future this was the life i died wishing for that night i wrote in my journal not the
47:54bloodstained
47:54confessions of my old life this one was full of happiness growth love i wrote today i saw the ocean
48:06it's huge blue free i thought about my past self that little girl locked in a room desperate to be
48:17loved
48:18she'd never believe that i could be this happy mom and dad love me they taught me honesty and bravery
48:26annie is my best friend now she's confident and bright grandma's healthy she calls me often
48:35buddy's still a goofball always nudging my hand i don't hate anyone anymore i don't cling to the past
48:44those painful memories are like footprints in the sand washed away by waves but they taught me to cherish
48:51every step forward i know my old mom sister and dad got what they deserved and i finally broke free
49:00i found real freedom i don't want to see them again i don't want to relive that life i just
49:09want to be
49:10grace sterling simple happy loved that the ocean was beautiful life was beautiful i closed my journal
49:24looked out the hotel window moonlight shimmered on the water like a thousand stars buddy's breathing was
49:31soft and steady beside me i smiled this life i finally became who i wanted to be
49:40no red lights no starvation no lies just love freedom happiness and those scars from my past
49:53they became badges of survival reminders that no matter how much darkness you face
49:59if you don't give up on the light you'll find your way to warmth to freedom the road ahead is
50:07long
50:08but i'll walk it with courage with joy towards something even brighter
50:14you
50:16you
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