- 10 minutes ago
Pull Me Closer, Professor 43eps HD AND
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Four years. You'd think by now this place would feel like home.
00:04Mom died before I could remember her face.
00:07Dad followed when I was nine.
00:10Aunt Vera says I stubborn as to be back at Tunesville.
00:13Aunt Vera, I'm back on campus.
00:16Did you eat? Don't skip meals just because I'm not watching.
00:19I ate.
00:21Paloma, last year. Make it count, okay?
00:26I'll try.
00:32Senior year, one last September, then I disappear from here and no one will notice.
00:44Have you heard about the new physics professor?
00:47They say she made a grad student cry on her first day at her last university.
00:50Ice queen. Apparently she never smiles.
00:58I am Professor Zinnia.
01:00I don't repeat myself.
01:01I don't accept excuses.
01:03And I don't care about your feelings.
01:05You.
01:07Last row.
01:09Entropy is the measure of disorder in a system.
01:12Poetic.
01:12Also imprecise, incomplete, and exactly the kind of answer that earns you nothing in my class.
01:21She looked at me like I was nothing.
01:23So why did it feel like she saw everything?
01:33Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god.
01:36Are you dead? Please don't be dead.
01:38I can't afford the lawsuit.
01:41You don't look fine.
01:42You look like someone who organizes her notes by color.
01:44Oh wow, you actually do.
01:47Can I have that back?
01:48Lyra.
01:49Transfer student.
01:50Chaos enthusiast.
01:51You?
01:52Late.
01:53Perfect.
01:54Me too.
01:55We're bonded now.
02:01So here's what I figured out in 48 hours.
02:03The soup here is a war crime.
02:05The library smells like heartbreak.
02:06And you?
02:06You eat alone every single day.
02:09Are you stalking me?
02:10Observing.
02:12There's a legal distinction.
02:14I've decided to adopt you.
02:17I'm not a stray cat.
02:19You literally eat in the corner and avoid eye contact.
02:21You're the definition of a stray cat.
02:24I don't need friends.
02:25Great.
02:27I don't need permission.
02:28Please.
02:29Last week I assigned reading.
02:3140 pages.
02:33Who didn't finish?
02:35Voss.
02:37Stand up.
02:43Your assignment.
02:46Where is it?
02:47Professor, I...
02:48My laptop crashed and I...
02:50Are you blind?
02:51Or just brainless?
03:00The deadline was 72 hours ago.
03:04A laptop crash takes 10 minutes to resolve.
03:07You had 4,300 minutes.
03:09Sit down.
03:10Don't waste any more of them.
03:12That woman is a psychopath.
03:20Uh...
03:23Before you leave,
03:24Professor Zinnia requires a teaching assistant for this semester.
03:28Appellations are open through Friday.
03:29Details on department board.
03:32Don't even think about it.
03:35Friday.
03:41You're thinner.
03:43I'm fine, Aunt Vera.
03:44You always say that.
03:46Even when you were 12,
03:48Standing at the funeral home.
03:49In shoes two sizes too big.
03:51I'm fine.
03:52You don't have to be fine.
03:54Not with me.
03:55I applied for a teaching assistant position.
03:57Professor Zinnia's class.
03:59The one they call the Ice Queen?
04:01She's...
04:02Precise.
04:03I want to learn from that.
04:04Just promise me.
04:06Don't disappear into someone else's world
04:08to avoid building your own.
04:09I promise.
04:12Good afternoon.
04:14I'm a volunteer.
04:15A volunteer who brings books.
04:17Sit.
04:18Sit.
04:18Poetry mostly.
04:20And one physics textbook wrong bag.
04:22Keep the physics.
04:22My daughter would say poetry is a waste of neurons.
04:26She sounds intense.
04:28She is.
04:29She got that from her father.
04:30I gave her the stubbornness.
04:31You have kind eyes.
04:33The kind that have seen too much too early.
04:36You're very perceptive.
04:38I'm very old.
04:40Same thing.
04:51Professor Zinnia, the lecture summaries are organized by week.
04:54I cross-referenced the syllabus.
04:55Page seven.
04:56Third paragraph.
04:57Quam entanglement describes partimental connected.
05:00Fundamentally.
05:01Used isn't where precision's demanded a qualifier.
05:02I can fix.
05:03You can redo all of it.
05:05If one page is careless, every page is suspect.
05:08I'll have it back by this afternoon.
05:09You'll have it back by noon.
05:22No errors.
05:24Not as hopeful as I expected.
05:26That's all.
05:27Is there anything else for today?
05:29The Midterdam problem sets need formatting.
05:31Templates are on the shared drive and stop hovering.
05:35Would it change anything if I did?
05:37No.
05:38I don't know, but most people do anyway.
05:41This is an intervention.
05:43I'm fine.
05:44You've said I'm fine 6,000 times since I met you.
05:47You reek of printer ink and despair.
05:51She's demanding.
05:53Not unreasonable.
05:55She made you redo 30 pages over one word.
05:58One imprecise word, Paloma.
05:59You're defending her.
06:00That's the part that scares me.
06:02I just want to prove I belong there.
06:04You belong everywhere you stand.
06:07You don't need her to confirm that.
06:13Put that down.
06:14I'm sorry.
06:15I'm sorry.
06:15It fell.
06:15I didn't get out.
06:19Professor Zaninia, Vos was selected through proper channels.
06:23His qualifications are...
06:24Irrelevant.
06:25His preliminary annotations.
06:2717 errors in 12 pages.
06:29Three of them fundamental.
06:32He's a strong student.
06:33I don't need strong.
06:35I need precise.
06:36He is neither.
06:37I'll select my own assistant.
06:39Or I'll work without one entirely, and you can explain to departments where your flat
06:41chef course has no TA support.
06:43Who do you want?
06:45Paloma.
06:46The girl who applied and didn't make the cut?
06:49The girl whose application had zero errors.
06:58Professor Zaninia, I'll be brief.
07:00The TA position is yours.
07:02What?
07:03But the results have changed.
07:06Don't understand.
07:06This isn't charity.
07:08You are simply the least interrestating option available to me.
07:12When do I start?
07:14Tomorrow.
07:14Eight sharp.
07:15My office.
07:16Bring nothing you aren't prepared to have criticized.
07:18And Paloma, I don't repeat instructions.
07:20Ever.
07:25You're early.
07:27You said you don't repeat instructions.
07:29Sit.
07:29Rule one, everything in this office stays in this office.
07:32Rule two, I am not your mentor, your friend, or your confidant.
07:35Rule three, don't make me regret this.
07:37I won't.
07:41We'll see.
07:42Rule three, don't make me regret this.
07:55Did you get it?
07:57No.
07:57What?
07:58That's insane.
07:59You had the highest GPA and...
08:01It's fine.
08:03They chose someone qualified.
08:05You are someone qualified!
08:07You should...
08:08Shog.
08:09Please.
08:28Professor Zinnia?
08:39Get up.
08:40We're going to the night market.
08:42I don't want to.
08:43That wasn't a question.
08:44Pick one.
08:45The frog or the dinosaur.
08:48Shogog.
08:49I really thought I had it.
08:51But moping in bed won't make Professor Ice Queen change her mind.
08:54Fried squid might.
08:56You're impossible.
08:57That's the nicest thing anyone's said to me today.
09:06Just like that.
09:07No explanation.
09:09No warning.
09:10The door was open, but the room was closed.
09:13He's been at this for 23 years.
09:15Never lost his nerve once.
09:16Must be nice.
09:17Knowing exactly what to cut and what to keep.
09:20We're not talking about surgery, are we?
09:23We absolutely are.
09:24He offered to mentor you.
09:26Part-time at the veterinary sciences wing.
09:27Real work.
09:28Stable path.
09:28I'm not telling you what to choose.
09:30I'm telling you choices exist.
09:31Not everything worth doing has to hurt.
09:36Here.
09:37Here.
09:39Here.
09:56What are you doing here?
09:58Visiting Auntie Meng.
10:00I come every Thursday.
10:01She's sleeping.
10:02I know.
10:05You should go home.
10:07You too.
10:09The vending machine only had green tea.
10:11I know it's not your preference.
10:30You're two minutes early.
10:31You said don't be late.
10:33I didn't say arrive early either.
10:35Sit.
10:36The mid or dom data needs recoding.
10:37The previous format was in AttaWit.
10:38The format you last week.
10:39Last week, I had lower standards.
10:42Sit.
10:44Column three.
10:45Your variable labels are inconsistent.
10:47Which labels?
10:48Here.
10:49Pomoma.
10:50You see it?
10:51Yes.
10:56Hold still.
11:00Why are you doing this?
11:02Doing what?
11:03This.
11:04All of it.
11:05You shut me out.
11:06Email only.
11:07No contact.
11:08A week of silence.
11:09And now you pull me back into this room and you touch me like I corrected your data.
11:14Don't dramatize.
11:15Why did you shut me out and then pull me back?
11:18Don't flatter yourself.
11:19Then look me in the eye and tell me I imagined all of it.
11:23You're dismissed.
11:24Leave the files.
11:27You look like a thermometer about to pop.
11:29I'm not.
11:29What happened in that office?
11:31Nothing.
11:31It's warm in here.
11:32It's warm in here?
11:33Paloma.
11:34I'm your friend.
11:35Your only friend, statistically.
11:38Talk to me.
11:39She confuses me.
11:41Is she not confusion on your face, babe?
11:43That's something worse.
11:47Stop.
11:48Stop this.
11:54You gave this a 62.
11:56I'm aware of what I gave it.
11:57The methodology is sound.
11:58The site and Alyssa current falls as every framework you outlined in lecture.
12:01And yet it's mediocre.
12:02No, you graded this differently because of what happened.
12:04Because you're...
12:05You think I'd compromise atomic standards over what?
12:07A power outage?
12:08A candle?
12:09Over the fact that you're scared.
12:10You don't know the first thing about what scares me.
12:13You want a lesson in fear?
12:15I have other ways to make you remember your place.
12:18Then teach me.
12:20Get out.
12:23Professor.
12:24Now.
12:43She could have said anything.
12:45Done anything to push me away.
12:46She chose the one thing that would pull me closer.
12:51And she knows it.
13:05The thing about rumors is, they don't need to be true.
13:09They just need to be loud.
13:16I'm going to ask you something and I need you not to deflect.
13:19Sure.
13:19Are you sleeping with her?
13:20No.
13:21God, no.
13:22She's my professor.
13:23That's not a denial.
13:24That's a job title.
13:26I'm not judging you.
13:28I'm not judging you.
13:28I'm scared for you.
13:31Miss Sue.
13:32Would you care to explain why your derivation skips three steps and arrives at a conclusion
13:36that violates conservations of energy?
13:38Implied.
13:39Physics doesn't deal in implications.
13:40It deals in proof.
13:45I'm sorry.
13:46That was necessary.
13:47Necessary.
13:48She humiliated me in front of 40 people and called it necessary.
13:55Annie?
13:55Mrs. Meng.
13:57She collapsed this afternoon.
13:58They've moved her to the ICU.
13:59I thought you'd want to know.
14:00What happened?
14:01I have to go.
14:10How is she?
14:12Stable.
14:14For now.
14:15Can I see her?
14:16Why?
14:17Because I care about her.
14:19Visiting hours ended at 8.
14:22I know.
14:23I'm not leaving.
14:46She held on.
14:48All night, she held on.
14:54I can't leave.
15:14I couldn't send it.
15:26I'll have it done by tomorrow.
15:30Tonight.
15:31Tonight, then.
15:32The hospital called.
15:34My mother's white cell count still passed.
15:36I know.
15:36I called the nurse's station this morning.
15:40You didn't have to do that.
15:42I know.
15:44I know.
16:02I said, don't read into it.
16:03I had extras.
16:05I had extras.
16:05You don't eat chocolate.
16:06You told your mother it gives you migram reins.
16:09Then clearly they're not for me.
16:11Stop making this a conversation.
16:21She gave you the chocolates.
16:24She said she had extras.
16:26Since she decided caring about people was a tactical Ezra, she'll never tell you what it
16:29means.
16:30But the fact that she let you see it.
16:32Palema.
16:33That's not extras.
16:34That's a woman who doesn't know how to say what she feels, so he says it and pretends it's
16:37chocolating.
16:37She went three stores.
16:39Three.
16:39For a woman she claims is just the least annoysing option.
16:42I know what chocolate means.
16:43I know what silence means.
16:44The question is whether she'll ever let herself mean it out loud.
16:51You won't even look at me?
16:53After everything?
16:55There's nothing to look at.
16:57God, you're still doing this.
16:58The Ice Queen Act.
16:59It was boring three years ago.
17:01Then why are you here?
17:05Because I heard your teaching again, playing human.
17:07I wanted to see it for myself.
17:17Zinnia, wait, this isn't...
17:22And now, what, you'll just keep punishing every woman who gets close?
17:27That little TA of yours, is she next?
17:31Leave.
17:33Make me.
17:35Professor Zinnia, your three o'clock meeting is now.
17:38And you must be leaving.
17:41She's brave.
17:43You'll fix that.
17:52There is no three o'clock meeting.
17:57You shouldn't have done that.
18:01Probably not.
18:07The sound of someone trying not to break in public.
18:10I've been making it my whole life.
18:16That's three days now.
18:20Zinnia.
18:21It's me.
18:23At least eat something.
18:29Professor.
18:30I brought congee and the grading rubric you wanted for next week.
18:34I'll leave it here.
18:35You don't have to open it.
18:45I checked your office, the hospital, the parking lot.
18:48This was my last guess.
18:50Then your instincts are unfortunately accurate.
18:52You don't have to talk.
18:53I'll just sit here.
18:54I didn't ask you to come.
18:57I know.
18:58She said I don't know how to love without destroying.
19:00She's not wrong.
19:01She's your ex.
19:02She's supposed to say the cruelest possible thing.
19:03And if it's true, then you'd have destroyed me by now.
19:06You haven't.
19:08Why won't you leave me alone?
19:10Because someone should have stayed for you the first time.
19:22You should have let me stay lost.
19:33Get up.
19:34We're leaving.
19:36I have reading to finish.
19:38You've been reading the same page for three days.
19:41I checked.
19:43You haven't turned it once.
19:44I'm declaring an emotional detox day.
19:46Non-decatable.
19:47Doctor's orders.
19:48You're not a doctor.
19:49I'm pre-law.
19:50Close enough.
19:51I argue people into wellness.
19:52You look terrible.
19:54Perfect.
19:55Let's go.
19:55Get in.
19:56Paloma.
19:57In four years, you have never once done something stupid.
19:59That's the real tragedy of your life.
20:01I've done plenty of stupid things.
20:04Name one.
20:06Exactly.
20:07Get in the cart.
20:08Ty!
20:09Ty!
20:12Ah!
20:13Ah!
20:16See?
20:17One day without thinking about quantum physics or impossible women,
20:20and you remember you're 22.
20:22I'm sorry.
20:23I don't know why I'm...
20:25Don't apologize.
20:26Cry.
20:27That's the whole point.
20:31I don't know what's happening with you.
20:33You don't have to tell me.
20:34But I'm not going anywhere.
20:37Okay?
20:38Even when you're being annoyingly mysterious and emotionally constipated.
20:41I don't know why I'm not going anywhere.
21:10I don't know.
21:11I don't know why I'm encouraging you.
21:14She always pulls me back
21:15and I always let her.
21:22Tomorrow.
21:34You're early.
21:35You said nine.
21:37I said nine.
21:38It's 8.47.
21:43Sit down.
21:44We need to review the lecture material for next week.
21:46Black holes.
21:48Gravitational collapse.
21:50Event horizons.
21:51Singularities.
21:51You're covering all of chapter 12?
21:53Just the section on points of no return.
21:56Do you know what an event horizon actually is?
21:58The boundary around a black hole.
22:00Beyond it, nothing escapes.
22:02Not even light.
22:03Textbook answer.
22:04It's not about physics.
22:05Not really.
22:05It's about the moment you'd realize you've crossed a line
22:07and there's no inward and you can't fight it.
22:09You can't even see it happening back.
22:10Every force in the universe pulling you inward.
22:12You can't fight it.
22:13You can't even see it happening until it's already done.
22:15What does?
22:16Gravitational collapse.
22:17Pay attention.
22:22Most people think black holes destroy everything.
22:25They don't.
22:27They transform it.
22:29That sounds lonely.
22:31It is.
22:33What if someone fell in winningly?
22:36Then they'd be a fool.
22:38Or brave.
22:44You should go.
22:45Why do you always do that?
22:46Open a door, then slam it shut?
22:49Because I know what's on the other side.
22:52So do I.
22:58Professor Zinnia, it's Dean Jovan.
23:01May I come in?
23:02One moment.
23:05Good.
23:06You're both here.
23:06I'll be direct.
23:08An anonymous complaint has been filed with the Factory Ethics Board
23:12regarding, and I quote, inappropriate conduct between a professor and her teaching assistant.
23:17And you're here to investigate?
23:21I'm here to inform you, formally.
23:23The board will review the complaint next week.
23:25I trust there's nothing to find.
23:32Get out.
23:34Now.
23:41Sit down.
23:43I'd rather stand.
23:44The Dean will call you in this afternoon.
23:47Standard procedural interview.
23:49You'll answer every question truthfully,
23:51which means you'll say there is no relationship,
23:53because there isn't one.
23:55We are professor and teaching assistant.
23:57Nothing more.
23:58Whatever you think happened.
23:59Whatever I think happened,
24:01or nothing happened.
24:02That is the truth.
24:04Say it.
24:06Nothing happened.
24:08Good.
24:09Now leave.
24:10And don't come to this office unless summoned.
24:12You know, you don't have to make it hurt this much to make it convincing.
24:18An anonymous concern was raised,
24:20and the university has an obligation to follow up.
24:24I understand.
24:25How would you describe your working relationship with Professor Zinnia?
24:30Professional.
24:31She assigns tasks.
24:33I complete them.
24:35Has she ever asked you to meet outside of academic setting?
24:38No.
24:40Has she ever made you feel uncomfortable?
24:43Professor Zinnia is demanding.
24:45That's not the same as appropriate.
24:47No, it isn't.
24:48Thank you, Miss Sue.
24:49That will be all.
25:00You were called to the dean's office.
25:03It was nothing.
25:05Routine check on the TA program.
25:07Pomoma.
25:08What?
25:09I'm not stupid, and I'm not blind.
25:12The way you talk about her.
25:14The way you don't talk about her.
25:17The hours you spend in that office.
25:19The fact that you cried for three days after she canceled classes,
25:22and you won't tell me why.
25:23You're in love with her.
25:27It's not what you think.
25:29I'm not judging you.
25:31I'm scared for you.
25:33She's your professor.
25:33She has all the power.
26:02I can literally hear you overthinking.
26:04I'm not thinking through the wall.
26:06I'm not ready for...
26:07It's coffee.
26:08Not a marriage proposal.
26:09One hour.
26:13You don't have a hamster.
26:15Exactly.
26:16Untraceable.
26:21One hour.
26:23Showgauge said you're a physics TA.
26:24That's intimidating.
26:25Former TA.
26:26It's complicated.
26:27Everything worth doing is I switched majors three times.
26:31There it is.
26:32You have a great laugh.
26:33You should let it out more.
26:34So what finally stuck?
26:35Your major.
26:36Art history.
26:37I like studying beautiful things that don't love you back.
26:40I know the feeling.
26:54Sinia, the department meeting moved to...
26:56Don't do this to yourself.
26:58I'm not doing anything.
27:00That's the problem.
27:03Close the door on your way out.
27:14She told me this could never happen.
27:16She told me to forget.
27:18So why does moving on feel like betrayal?
27:47Where are you?
27:51Professor Zinnia, you said you needed the Mitterdarm files reviewed.
27:55Close the door.
27:57There are no files, are there?
28:00No.
28:01How was your evening last Thursday?
28:03Excuse me, the cafe on Wooming Road, seven o'clock.
28:07The girl with the earrings.
28:09You were watching me?
28:11I was passing by.
28:13You don't live anywhere near Wooming Road.
28:15Is that what you want?
28:17Someone who smiles on command, someone uncomplicated?
28:20Maybe.
28:20Yes.
28:21Maybe that's exactly what I want.
28:23Then go.
28:24Go be happy with someone simple.
28:25Don't do that.
28:28Don't pretend you're giving me permission when you're really asking me to stay.
28:34I'm not asking you anything.
28:36No, you never ask.
28:37You dismiss.
28:38You cancel classes and disappear in the next meet at midnight like nothing.
28:41I told you this was over.
28:43Then why am I here?
28:44Did you call me to an empty building at nine o'clock at night?
28:48Because I can't stop.
28:49Can't stop what?
28:51Thinking about you sitting across from her, laughing.
28:53The way you used to my office before I...
28:55Before you what?
28:57Before I ruined it.
28:58You didn't ruin it.
29:00You ran from it.
29:00And I was right to.
29:02Look at us.
29:04Look at what this does.
29:05At least she's not afraid to want me.
29:21This can never happen again.
29:26Sinia.
29:28Don't.
29:32But it did.
29:43You don't have to explain.
29:45I could tell.
29:47That's not fair to you.
29:48You deserve an actual explanation.
29:51Okay.
29:52Explain.
29:53My heart is somewhere it shouldn't be.
29:55And it wouldn't be right to keep pretending it isn't.
29:57You know, most people just say I'm not feeling a connection.
30:00You're wonderful.
30:01That's what makes this worse.
30:03Whoever it is, I hope they know what they have.
30:07They don't, do they?
30:23You broke up with Morwen.
30:25It wasn't a breakup.
30:26It was one date.
30:28And you ended it because of her.
30:34I'm not going to lecture you.
30:35I just need to know, are you okay?
30:39No.
30:41Okay.
30:42That's honest.
30:43That's something.
30:59You kissed me like the world was ending.
31:03And now you can't even walk past me.
31:11You can't just...
31:12You kissed me.
31:13You don't get to pretend it didn't happen.
31:15Lower your voice.
31:17No.
31:17You dragged me into an empty room.
31:19You held my face in your hands.
31:21You kissed me like you meant it.
31:22And then you ran.
31:25It was a mistake.
31:27Say that to my face without looking away.
31:31That's what I thought.
31:33What do you want me to say?
31:35That you feel it too.
31:41Saturday.
31:427 p.m.
31:44My apartment.
31:48Don't be late.
31:58What am I doing?
32:08Hot date it with your mystery study group?
32:10It's not.
32:11I'm just going to dinner.
32:12With a friend.
32:13You've changed tops.
32:15Four times for a friend.
32:19Wear the dark blue.
32:20It makes you look like you're not trying.
32:23Whoever it is, you look terrified and happy.
32:26That's either very good or very bad.
32:28I don't know which one yet.
32:30Just come home, okay?
32:33I told myself I wouldn't come.
32:35I told myself 12 times between campus and here.
32:37My feet didn't listen.
32:41You're late.
32:43You said 7.
32:46It's 7.02.
32:47Then you're late.
32:52You cooked.
32:55Don't sound so alarmed.
32:56Is this supposed to be...
33:00It's carbonara.
33:04Approximately.
33:05Approximately.
33:09That bad?
33:12I've had worse.
33:14You're lying.
33:18I'm being diplomatic.
33:20I haven't cooked for anyone in three years.
33:22Then I'm honored to survive it.
33:37You drove 20 minutes to avoid being seen with me.
33:40I drove 20 minutes because they have better pastries.
33:46Stop smiling like that.
33:47You look conspicuous.
33:49I look happy.
33:51You should try it.
33:52Eat your cake.
34:09In public, I don't exist.
34:12I'm not her student.
34:14Not her lover.
34:15Not even someone she recognized.
34:19I'm no one.
34:29You canceled on me three times this week.
34:32I've been busy with TA work.
34:35On a Saturday night.
34:37On a Sunday morning.
34:41I'm not stupid, Paloma.
34:43You disappear for hours.
34:45You come back smelling like someone else's apartment.
34:47You won't look me in the eye.
34:48I don't need to know who.
34:49I need to know you're okay.
34:52I'm okay.
34:54You've changed.
34:56And not in a good way.
35:04I want to tell Shayog.
35:06Not everything.
35:07Just that there's someone.
35:10No.
35:11She's my best friend.
35:12She already suspects.
35:13And if she talks.
35:14If she talks, it reached the department.
35:17If it reaches the department, I lose everything.
35:19What about what I'm losing?
35:21What are you losing?
35:23Her.
35:23My best friend.
35:24Because I can't stop lying to her face.
35:28Then that's the cost.
35:31Is that what I am?
35:33A cost you manage?
35:35She holds me like I'm everything.
35:37Then walk past me like I'm nothing.
35:39And I keep letting her.
35:42Am I disappearing into her?
35:49You've lost weight.
35:50I've been busy.
35:51Vinyls are coming.
35:52That's not what I asked.
35:53You stopped calling on Wednesdays.
35:55You canceled twice last month.
35:56And right now, you're sitting in my kitchen, looking like you haven't slept in a week.
36:00Auntie.
36:00I'm not interrogating you.
36:02I'm telling you what I see.
36:04If you love someone, and the only way to be with them was to become invisible, would you stay?
36:10I watched your mother disappear into a man who made her feel small.
36:13She stayed.
36:14And it cost her everything.
36:16You are not her, Pomoma.
36:18You don't have to be.
36:22You look worse than I do.
36:23I'm fine.
36:24You always say that.
36:26It's never true.
36:27That girl, Paloma, she hasn't visited in two weeks.
36:32She's busy with coursework.
36:33I'm dying, which means I've earned the right to say what I see.
36:36You love her.
36:37And you're hiding her like something to be ashamed of.
36:39It's not shame.
36:40It's protection.
36:41For whom?
36:42If you love her, love her in the light.
36:45The dark will eat you both alive.
36:51I can't keep doing this.
36:53Doing what?
36:54Being someone you only want in the dark.
36:55Walking past you on campus like I'm no one.
36:57Lying to the only people who love me.
37:00I need you to let me in.
37:01Really in.
37:02Or I need to go.
37:03And what does in look like to you?
37:05I lose my career.
37:07You lose your degree.
37:08We become a scandal.
37:10We become real.
37:11Real doesn't survive institutions, Paloma.
37:13Real doesn't survive gossip and boards.
37:14And real survives everything if you're brave enough to choose it.
37:20Then maybe you should stop coming.
37:27I used to think you were protecting me, but you're just protecting yourself.
37:31Goodbye, Professor.
37:48Paloma, you've been here since six.
37:50Take a break.
37:55The body is a useful thing.
37:57It keeps moving, even when everything inside has stopped.
38:07Zinnia, the department meeting was an hour ago.
38:11Cancel it.
38:12I can't cancel something that already happened without you.
38:16How many days has it been since you've eaten a real meal?
38:19I'm not your project, Coralie.
38:21No, you're my friend.
38:23And you're disappearing.
38:24I made the right decision.
38:28Then why do you look like this?
38:30She's working double shifts at the hospital.
38:32She's not eating either, in case you were wondering.
38:34I wasn't.
38:40Eat or don't.
38:41But stop pretending you're fine.
38:44You're terrible at it.
38:52Open your door.
38:56Before you say you're not hungry, I don't care.
39:01I owe you an apology.
39:03What I said, that you changed, that it wasn't good.
39:05I was scared, not angry.
39:07I should have stayed instead of judging.
39:09You weren't wrong.
39:10Maybe.
39:11But I wasn't kind either, and you needed kind.
39:14Kouge, I've been so stupid.
39:17Tell me.
39:18I fell in love with her.
39:20With Professor Zinnia.
39:21And I knew it would end like this.
39:24Then fight for yourself.
39:26Not for her.
39:26For you.
39:28Dear Zinnia, I'm not writing this to bring you back.
39:31I'm writing this so I can finally say everything I swallowed to keep you comfortable.
39:35You taught me that gravity is the weakest force in the universe.
39:37It held me to you long after I should have let go.
39:39This letter is not a door left open.
39:41It's my way of closing one.
39:48I didn't write it to get you back.
39:50I wrote it because there were things I needed to say while I still had the language for them.
39:54That loving you was not my mistake.
39:56That loosing myself was.
39:58You taught me that love isn't always gentle.
40:00Sometimes it's a hand on your throat disguised as an embrace.
40:03I let you hold me there because I thought if I stayed long enough you'd loosen your grip.
40:07You never did.
40:07But I don't blame you.
40:08You held on the only way you knew how.
40:11And I stayed the only way how by disappearing.
40:13I love the woman in the dark office who whispered about loneliness.
40:16I love the woman who went to three stores for chocolate.
40:20I loved you.
40:21Past tense.
40:22Because I have to.
40:32You look terrible.
40:34Let me guess.
40:35The student.
40:36What do you want, Manchuang?
40:37I heard you've been spiraling, cancelling, classes, Coley's whispering.
40:44I came to see the wreckage in person.
40:47You came to gloat.
40:48I came to remind you what you are.
40:51You don't know how to love without destroying.
40:53You proved it with me.
40:54Now you're proving it with her.
40:59I destroyed us.
41:01You were in our bed with someone else.
41:03And you made it so easy to leave.
41:05Cold, controlling, suffocating.
41:07That girl will figure it out eventually if she hasn't already.
41:12Let her go, Zinnia.
41:14It's the only kind thing you're capable of.
41:37One last time.
41:44You said one last time.
41:46Sit down.
41:48I'll stand.
41:49I asked you here because you deserve a clean ending.
41:53Not silence.
41:54Not evidance.
41:56A clean ending.
41:57Yes.
41:59Is that what this is?
42:00I'm transferring.
42:01Next semester.
42:02Different university.
42:03So the paperwork is already filed.
42:05So you called me here to inform me you're running away.
42:09Properly this time.
42:11I called you here to let you go.
42:13So you already did that.
42:15In your apartment.
42:17Remember?
42:18This is different.
42:19How?
42:20How is this different?
42:24Because this time I'm making sure I can't take it back.
42:33You read my letter.
42:35Every word.
42:36And your answer is a transfer form.
42:39My answer is removing myself from your life before I do more damage.
42:43Sylvie was right.
42:44I don't know how to love without...
42:46Don't!
42:47Don't you dare use her words as your shield.
42:49You want a clean ending?
42:50Then listen.
42:52Because I have things to say and I will only say them once.
42:59I loved you.
43:00Not the version you performed in Reed Halls.
43:03Not the version that knew exactly where to touch me to make me stop.
43:06I loved the woman who burned dinner and laughed about it.
43:10Who wrote makes physics feel less lonely in the margers when she thought no one would see.
43:14I loved you with everything I had.
43:16And it wasn't enough.
43:17Not because you decided long before you met me that no one would ever be enough.
43:20So here's what I need you to hear.
43:21I'm not angry anymore.
43:22I'm not waiting anymore.
43:23I will not let loving you teach me that I'm not enough.
43:25Thank you for loving me.
43:27Even badly.
43:28Even scared.
43:34I love you.
43:36I love you.
43:43I love you.
43:49I love you.
43:50I love you.
43:53Thank you for the extras.
43:58I had it.
43:59I had her.
44:10What if someone fell in willingly?
44:15I love you.
44:17I love you.
44:22Paloma?
44:24Can I come home for a while?
44:26The bed's already made.
44:33Auntie, I...
44:36I loved someone.
44:38And I lost her.
44:40I know.
44:41Loving someone doesn't always mean you get to keep them.
44:44But you'll always have yourself.
44:46And you'll always have me.
44:58Some people write love letters.
45:00She wrote equations.
45:01And buried the truth in the margins where she thought no one would look.
45:20Pamoma, Bachelor of Science, Honors.
45:26I thought this would feel like arriving somewhere.
45:29It feels like standing in an empty room after everyone's left.
45:43Remember when I sat at your table and you looked at me like I'd committed a felony?
45:49You stole my dumpling.
45:51I liberated your dumpling.
45:52There's a difference.
45:53And here, where I decided you were going to be my person, whether you liked it or not.
45:59I didn't like it.
46:02You loved it.
46:05I loved it.
46:07So, Beijing for you, Shenzhen for me.
46:10That's not so far.
46:12Paloma, we're going to say we'll call every week.
46:14Then it'll be every month, then holidays, then just birthdays, then...
46:17Don't.
46:20I'm not being sad.
46:22I'm being honest.
46:23That's what you taught me.
46:24Annoyingly.
46:31I need you to know something.
46:34Lyra.
46:36Before you, I had a hundred friends and nobody who actually knew me.
46:40You were the first person who saw the mess and didn't look away.
46:44You broke into my life like a natural disaster.
46:48Hurricane Leah.
46:48Category 5.
46:51Category 5.
46:53Nothing in life goes as one wishes.
46:55But some of it was perfect.
47:20Can I help you?
47:20Excuse me.
47:21I'm looking for someone.
47:37Excuse me.
47:39I'm looking for someone.
47:41Hi.
47:42Hi.
47:47How did you find me?
47:49Your aunt.
47:49I asked her.
47:50She made me wait three months before she'd tell me.
47:53That sounds like her.
47:54I've been seeing someone.
47:56A therapist.
47:58Since January.
47:59Good.
48:00She's terrible.
48:01Asked the worst questions.
48:02That means she's good.
48:05I didn't come to ask for anything.
48:08I need you to know that.
48:09Okay.
48:10It came because I owe you something that isn't an apology.
48:13Apologies are about me feeling better.
48:15This is about you knowing the truth.
48:16You were never the problem.
48:17Every wall I built, every time I pushed you away, that was my damage.
48:20My fear with everything you had and I made you feel like it wasn't enough.
48:23It was enough.
48:24You were always enough.
48:27I know that now.
48:32How's your mother?
48:33Better.
48:34She asks about you.
48:35Every week.
48:36Tell her I'll visit.
48:39She'd like that.
48:42You look different.
48:44Worse.
48:45Softer.
48:47I read your letter.
48:48Every day for a month.
48:50Then my therapist said I was using it took a punishment instead of healing.
48:53Was she right?
48:54She's always right.
48:55I hate her.
49:00I forgive you.
49:02I forgive myself.
49:05But I can't go back.
49:07I know.
49:11Will you be okay?
49:14I already am.
49:19Some people are not meant to stay.
49:20They're meant to change you.
49:22She taught me that love is not enough, but it is not nothing.
49:24She taught me that choosing yourself is nothing as giving up.
49:27And she taught me that the bravest thing you can do is walk into the sun and let the light
49:31find you.
49:33She taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that
49:36she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that
49:37she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that
49:39she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that
49:39she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that
49:39she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that
49:39she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that
49:39she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that
49:39she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that
49:39she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that
49:39she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that she taught me that
49:41she
Comments