- 1 hour ago
Trapped by the Hunter EP
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Among we poor, wife-sharing was common.
00:04My husband sold me to the local trapper Rowan for $300.
00:09Rowan was considerate and promised not to touch me for seven days.
00:13I turned down his offer directly.
00:16It's a two-minute business for my husband.
00:19No point dragging it out, just close eyes.
00:23That night, the old wooden bed creeped for hours.
00:28Later, I understood that men were not all the same.
00:32So wife-lending was nothing new in places like this.
00:36Poor men sent their wives out to other households to cook, clean, and bear children.
00:42The cheaper arrangements ran less than $50 a year.
00:47If a son was born, there was an extra fee on top.
00:51Men who couldn't afford to court a wife of their own would scrape together whatever they had
00:55and contract one for two or three years.
00:57Long enough to get a child.
00:59A contracted wife was not there for comfort.
01:03Days were for labor.
01:05Destroyed by a knight.
01:07My best friend Clara had been contracted out by her husband.
01:10She ended up serving four men in that household.
01:13His father and his younger brother included.
01:16When I heard, I cried for nights.
01:18I never imagined I'd end up the same.
01:21A light flared in the darkness.
01:23A tall figure stepped out of the yard, carrying a light.
01:26It's Rowan.
01:28Lily?
01:29She must come to make sure I wouldn't run.
01:31I walked to his side, a bitter smile tugging at my mouth.
01:35Run?
01:35He thought too highly of me.
01:39Half hour ago.
01:42My husband Edmund had gone down on his knees, fingers wrapped around my sleeve, face wet
01:47with tears.
01:48Lily, this is my last chance.
01:50I need that money for my test.
01:51Just one year, that's all I'm asking.
01:53When it's over, I'll come get you myself, okay?
01:56This was Edmund's fifth failed attempt at the qualifying exams.
01:59His family had nothing left.
02:01After talking it over with his parents, they decided to contract me out.
02:05Rowan had offered the most.
02:08Come inside, it's cold out.
02:09Watch the step, the threshold's higher than it looks.
02:12A hand touched my wrist, steadied me, then let go.
02:15Warmth faded fast.
02:16I pulled my thoughts back and looked up at him carefully.
02:20Rowan was an outlier here.
02:22His family had trapped and hunted these hills for generations.
02:26He lived alone at the foot of the ridge and kept to himself.
02:29They said he'd trained as a fighter.
02:31That he could kill a wolf barehanded.
02:34That he had a temper.
02:36A thug named Tom had once crept onto his property to steal,
02:40and ended up strung to a tree and beaten through the night.
02:43After that, every ruff in the settlement gave Rowan a wide beret.
02:47Tom was the biggest man in the area.
02:50If Rowan had handled Tom that easily, then I...
02:53I swallowed and stole a glance at his broad back.
02:55Then I stopped.
02:57White.
02:58Bright, vivid white in the room.
03:02Rowan had shrugged off his coat.
03:05Under the thin material, the lines of solid muscle shifted with every movement.
03:10In the corner stood a clay vase nearly as tall as my waist.
03:14It was full of winter-fluming branches.
03:17Blossoms open wide, filling the room with a heavy sweetness.
03:21Edmund's room on our wedding night hadn't looked half this fine.
03:25Was Rowan getting married?
03:27Then why had he paid $300 to contract me?
03:30Was I here to serve as a maid to his new bride?
03:36You don't like it?
03:38I was told women like flowers.
03:40I stared at him, too surprised to speak.
03:42This was all for me?
03:44But I was just contracted labor.
03:46This wasn't a wedding?
03:47Something shifted in Rowan's expression.
03:50His jaw tightened.
03:52If you don't like it, I'll get rid of it.
03:55He turned to go.
03:56I caught his arm.
03:58Don't!
04:01It's beautiful.
04:02I love it.
04:04That branch alone must have come from an entire flowering tree.
04:08The blossoms only group in the hills, a long climb behind the settlement.
04:14Hauling it all the way back without breaking a single step that would have taken real effort.
04:19And besides, the contract had been signed at the village elder's office.
04:23Both parties were bound.
04:25I was going to share a roof with this man for a year, whether I liked it or not.
04:30I couldn't afford to make an enemy of him.
04:36One punch from Rowan and I'd be lucky to keep all my teeth.
04:44You really mean it?
04:46I looked at him properly for the first time.
04:48He was striking.
04:50Clean, sharp features.
04:51The kind of roughness that came from years outdoors and not from hardship.
04:56A strange feeling moved through me.
04:59Maybe.
05:01Possibly.
05:02It was just possible that Rowan actually liked me.
05:07He walked to the table with both his hands and feet doing slightly different things,
05:12picked up two small cups, and carried them back to me the same way.
05:18Drink.
05:19And then settle in.
05:20Make yourself at home here.
05:22Was this a wedding cup?
05:23I had no idea why he'd arranged everything like a proper ceremony,
05:27but I took the cup and dipped my head.
05:29All right.
05:34It wasn't the first time I'd drunk one.
05:36When Edmund married me, he'd been giddy as a boy finding treasure.
05:39He'd held me all through our wedding night and talked until morning.
05:43Telling me he'd admired me for years.
05:45Telling me I was the prettiest girl in ten miles.
05:49Marrying me was the best thing that would ever happen to him.
05:54A year later, I was a chore he'd forgotten to do.
06:00His mother complained I wasn't pregnant.
06:04Edmund himself lamented that I couldn't read,
06:08and there was no point discussing books or ambitions with me.
06:13A real wife could be discarded that easily.
06:17A contracted one for a year had no chance at all.
06:20I lifted the cup and swallowed it in one go.
06:26That burned.
06:27It went down my throat like a lit match and landed in my stomach like a small fire.
06:32My eyes watered immediately.
06:38Hey, are you okay?
06:39That's my fault.
06:40I should never have bought the rough stuff.
06:42Here.
06:42Here, water.
06:43Drink this.
06:43The man in front of me split into two and merged back together.
06:48I shook my head and tried to focus.
06:51Rowan was fussing over me the way someone handles a child who's hurt themselves,
06:55carefully tilting a bowl of water to my lips.
06:58I sipped.
06:59It was slightly sweet.
07:01Better?
07:02A little better?
07:03His hand moved in slow circles across my back.
07:07Steady and warm even through several layers of cloth.
07:11A tall, handsome man talking to me in a low, gentle voice.
07:16My head swam harder.
07:18I was drunk, I thought.
07:21Definitely drunk.
07:22I reached out, grabbed Rowan's arm, and started pulling him toward the bed.
07:27Come on.
07:28Let's get this done.
07:30Rowan didn't move.
07:32He caught my hands with a look of something like panic.
07:35Face bright red.
07:37Stumbling over his words.
07:39That won't be necessary.
07:41You've just arrived.
07:44Everything must feel strange.
07:47We can take our time.
07:49Get to know each other first.
07:50And when you feel more comfortable, we can...
07:53I let go and gave him a flat smile.
07:57It takes two minutes to drink a glass of water.
08:00You're suggesting we drag this out for two weeks?
08:04Before I married, my sister-in-law had sat me down
08:07and explained what happened between a man and a woman.
08:10My wedding night with Edmund, I'd been nervous.
08:14Then it happened.
08:15And I realized it bore no resemblance to what I'd imagined.
08:19It was fast.
08:21Clothes off.
08:23A brief fumbling.
08:24Two or three movements.
08:26And it was finished.
08:28Quicker than drinking a glass of water.
08:31Rowan looked like something had broken in his face.
08:34He stared at me like he'd misheard.
08:37My head was spinning worse.
08:39And my patience was gone.
08:42Stop standing there.
08:44Come on.
08:45We shared everything.
08:46Even the last of our food.
08:49When Clara was first contracted out,
08:51her face was bruised daily.
08:53Two months in, she was pregnant.
08:55After that, things improved.
08:57They stopped hitting her.
08:59She put on a little weight.
09:01Rowan's throat moved.
09:02His eyes held something like banked fire.
09:07Both hands were clenched at his sides,
09:10the tendrin standing out,
09:11a visible effort at restraint.
09:16Are you sure you want tonight?
09:18If you mean it, then I...
09:21I didn't answer.
09:23I walked to the bed
09:24and started taking off my clothes.
09:29The quilt had clearly been aired recently.
09:32Up close, it smelled like warm sunlight.
09:35It was going to be wonderful, comfortable to sleep under.
09:38Better than the lumpy, matted thing
09:40Edmund kept on their bed.
09:43I was exhausted.
09:45I just wanted this finish so I could sleep.
09:50Lily.
09:51Rowan's breath was hot against the back of my neck.
09:54I looked down at my own waist
09:56and found two large, steady hands wrapped around it.
10:05A night with no sleep.
10:07The old wooden bed creaked and groaned through every hour,
10:11rattling the wall against its frame.
10:13My knuckles had gone white on the sheets.
10:15My fingers ached at the joints.
10:18My breathing came ragged and uneven.
10:21And my throat felt raw, even trying to draw air.
10:25Rowan's palms burned.
10:27His grip pinned me.
10:29Without effort.
10:31His presence wrapped around me from every direction.
10:38My eyelids were heavy as stone,
10:41but there was no space to close them.
10:44Every bone in my body felt taken apart and re-estembled wrong.
10:49The dark at the window faded slowly.
10:52Gray light crept up in the east.
10:54I stared at the patch on the canopy above
10:57and understood, disley,
11:00that it was morning.
11:01Rowan had gone all night.
11:03This was supposed to be a two-minute thing.
11:06How had it gone all night?
11:08The last thought I had before I lost consciousness.
11:11Men were not all the same.
11:14The difference was enormous.
11:19I was woken by sunlight.
11:21I half-opened my eyes,
11:23looked at the brightness pouring through the window,
11:26and scrambled upright in a panic.
11:30My legs buckled,
11:31and I sat back down on the bed.
11:34I thought about the night before
11:36and couldn't help a short, disgusted sound.
11:43Rowan, he had the face of a simple, straightforward man.
11:48The reality was apparently far more complicated.
11:52Where had he learned any of that?
11:58I wanted to pull the quilt over my head and stay there.
12:03The door opened and a shadow filled most of the frame.
12:07I had overslept badly.
12:08You're up.
12:09By the position of the sun,
12:10it was well past mid-morning,
12:11nearly noon.
12:12I had never heard of a contracted wife sleeping this late.
12:21I'm sorry.
12:21I didn't mean to.
12:23Last night just wore me out.
12:24Please don't be angry.
12:25I'll start the cooking right now.
12:27Rowan looked at me for a long moment
12:28with an expression I couldn't name.
12:30Then he sighed.
12:31Eat first.
12:32I noticed then that he was carrying a wooden tray
12:34loaded with four or five dishes.
12:36Scrambled eggs with chives,
12:38rich and yellow,
12:39half a stewed chicken,
12:40tender and dark golden,
12:42salt pork with cabbage,
12:43a plate of pickled cucumbers,
12:45pale green and bright,
12:46and in front of my place,
12:47a bowl of hot rice,
12:48piled high enough to overflow.
12:50My God.
12:51A landlord's table didn't look like this.
12:53I hadn't eaten in two days.
12:55My mouth was already watering
12:57and my stomach had started to plane.
13:01I grew up the oldest of five girls
13:03before my parents finally had a son.
13:05In a house like that,
13:07daughters ate last and least.
13:09I had gone a full year without tasting an egg.
13:12After I married Edmund,
13:13I found that his family's prosperity
13:14was mostly appearance.
13:16His parents ringed out every coin they had
13:17to keep him in school.
13:19Edmund got an egg for breakfast each morning
13:21to help him study
13:21and ate meat twice a month.
13:23I got stale cornbread and pickled scraps.
13:26Right.
13:27Food like this couldn't possibly be for me.
13:31The moment I reached for it,
13:33Rowan would call me a greedy,
13:35shameless woman
13:36and use it as an excuse to hit me.
13:43Lily.
13:43Rowan's voice sharpened.
13:45Here it was.
13:46Every muscle in my body locked up at once.
13:49Was he going to hit me?
13:51Good.
13:52At least get it over with.
13:53The waiting was worse than anything else.
13:56I paid to contract you.
13:57That means you do what I say.
13:59Doesn't it?
14:01I straightened,
14:02trembling,
14:03and nodded hard.
14:04Something flickered in his expression,
14:06pained,
14:07but his face stayed firm.
14:09Then I'm ordering you to eat
14:10every single thing on that table.
14:11Every bite.
14:12I have some business to take care of.
14:14When you're done,
14:15tidy up the house and wait for me.
14:17He turned and took two steps toward the door,
14:20then came back
14:20and lightly tapped the top of my head.
14:22If you honestly can't finish it, leave it.
14:24Don't make yourself sick.
14:27Then he was gone.
14:28I stood in the middle of the room
14:30like I'd been planted there.
14:31The clean, sharp smell he left behind,
14:33wood smoke and soap and open air,
14:35faded slowly.
14:37The smell of the chicken soup
14:38kept moving into the space it left.
14:40I looked at the chicken leg.
14:41I had never eaten one in my life.
14:43Better to die full than die hungry.
14:45Even if this earned me a beating later,
14:47a meal like this was worth it.
14:51The eggs were soft and fragrant.
14:53The chicken fell apart at the touch,
14:56bones tender enough to chew.
14:59The salt pork with the cabbage
15:01was rich and savory
15:03with a faint sweetness underneath.
15:06Even the small dish of pickled cucumbers
15:08was perfectly crisp and clean.
15:11I ate with my head down,
15:13one bite at a time.
15:15Not stopping.
15:18Somewhere in the middle of it,
15:21without any reason I could name,
15:24I started to cry.
15:31In my parents' house,
15:32I had worked myself raw,
15:34raised the younger ones,
15:35nursed sick grandparents,
15:37done everything asked of me,
15:38and I never once saw a piece of meat from it.
15:43In Edmund's house,
15:44I rose before light
15:46and wove cloth by moonlight,
15:48and I never once got an egg
15:50for my trouble.
15:51But here,
15:52in this house,
15:54the man who had paid money
15:55to contract me
15:56had made me a chicken leg.
15:59I set down my chopstick slowly,
16:01feeling something I couldn't explain.
16:04I had cleaned the table completely.
16:07A full stomach
16:08meant there was work to do.
16:11I picked up a rag and a broom
16:13and walked out to the yard.
16:17And stopped.
16:19There was nothing to clean.
16:21The flagstones were spotless.
16:24The chicken wee poop
16:25had been raked that morning.
16:27Even the weeds in the kitchen garden
16:29along the wall
16:30had been pulled to the roots.
16:32Rowan,
16:33this huge,
16:34rough-edged man,
16:35was apparently very particular
16:36about cleanliness.
16:41Lily?
16:43Lily, you there?
16:44A fist hit the gate hard.
16:47Twice,
16:47I was already heading over
16:49to wipe down the door for him
16:50when Edmund poked his head in,
16:52checked that the yard was empty,
16:54and slipped inside,
16:55pulling the gate show behind him.
16:59Lily,
17:00you must have had such a hard time.
17:04He'd barely said two words
17:06before his eyes went red
17:07and his voice broke.
17:08I'm sorry.
17:09I'm so sorry.
17:10Did he hurt you?
17:10Did he-
17:10He was looking at me while he talked,
17:12looking me over.
17:13I was looking at him, too.
17:15My eyes moved from his pale,
17:17fine-featured face
17:18down to his waist.
17:19Back at Edmund's house,
17:21I had kept a patch of squash
17:22in the kitchen garden.
17:24Always strange things, squash.
17:26Came from the same soil,
17:28the same row,
17:28and some came out thin as a thumb
17:30while others grew thick as a man's arm.
17:32So men were like squash, too.
17:34You-
17:35You-
17:36He stopped.
17:37He touched you.
17:38He did, didn't he?
17:40Something in his face shifted.
17:41The guilt curdled into outrage.
17:43I looked down
17:44and found my collar open at the neck.
17:46The skin along my collarbone
17:48was marked with deep red.
17:49I thought of the night before,
17:51and heat rushed to my face.
17:53It had been exhausting.
17:54But the kind of exhausting
17:55that left a strange,
17:57warm feeling behind.
17:58Sweet and sour together,
17:59with something else underneath
18:00that I didn't have a name for.
18:02My legs were still unsteady.
18:03How could you let him touch you?
18:05Why didn't you fight?
18:07Why didn't you fight him?
18:08Edmund's voice tore through me.
18:10I looked at him,
18:11flailing and stamping,
18:12and the face I'd once spent
18:13hours glad to look at
18:14became suddenly repulsive.
18:16Edmund, have you lost your mind?
18:19You knew exactly
18:21what a contracted wife was for
18:22before you signed those papers.
18:24A contracted wife
18:25serves the man of the house.
18:27You sold me to Rowan.
18:28What did you think was going to happen?
18:30I served him well.
18:32Rowan is satisfied.
18:34You should be happy.
18:36With every sentence I spoke,
18:38he took one step back.
18:40By the end,
18:40he was against the wall
18:41with nowhere left to go.
18:44His lips worked for a moment.
18:47He looked at me
18:47with the expression of a man
18:49who has been deeply wronged.
18:51Lily, why would you say that?
18:52I told you this was
18:53a necessary sacrifice
18:55for our future.
18:56Why would you degrade yourself
18:57like this?
18:58How can you do this to me
18:59after everything I've given up
19:00for my studies?
19:05I grabbed the feather duster
19:06off the hook
19:07and went at him
19:08with everything I had.
19:09Oh, very noble.
19:11Very fine.
19:13You sold your own wife
19:14to another man!
19:15Get out!
19:15Get out of my sight!
19:17I don't want to see your face!
19:19You're out of your mind!
19:21I came here
19:22out of the goodness of my heart
19:23and you attack me!
19:24The gate slammed.
19:26I leaned against it,
19:28chest heaving,
19:29a fire burning
19:30somewhere behind my ribs.
19:31I knew it had been a mistake
19:32to drive him off.
19:34In a year,
19:35when the contract ended,
19:36I'd go back to being his wife.
19:38Back to that house.
19:39I'd made things worse
19:40for my future self.
19:42But I couldn't hold it in
19:43any longer.
19:46The fire died down slowly.
19:48I slid down against the gate
19:50and sat in the dirt.
19:51My hands were still shaking.
19:53Edmund had stood there,
19:55red-eyed and trembling,
19:57calling himself wronged,
19:58saying I had degraded myself,
20:00asking how I could do this to him.
20:02He had sold me,
20:04like a piece of furniture.
20:05And then he came here
20:07to stand in another man's yard
20:08and tell me I owed him something.
20:10I pressed the heels of my hands
20:12against my eyes.
20:14A year.
20:14I had to get through one year,
20:16then go back.
20:18Back to the cornbread
20:19and the pickled scraps.
20:21Back to his mother's complaints
20:23about my empty womb.
20:25Back to his father's resentment.
20:28Back to Edmund's sighing
20:29that I couldn't discuss
20:31literature with him.
20:32I sat there until the shaking stopped.
20:37Then I got up,
20:38went inside,
20:40and started on the mending.
20:46Rowan came home before dark.
20:49He stopped in the doorway
20:50and looked at the clean room,
20:52the swept yard,
20:54the pot warming on the stove.
20:57Something in his face softened.
21:01You didn't have to do all this.
21:05I wanted to,
21:07and I meant it.
21:08He sat down at the table
21:10and we ate together.
21:11He told me about the hills,
21:13the trails,
21:14the animals he tracked.
21:17His voice was plain and easy.
21:20He didn't perform,
21:22didn't try to impress.
21:29After supper,
21:30he washed the bowls himself
21:31and wouldn't let me take over.
21:34That night,
21:35he was gentle with me,
21:38careful in a way
21:39I hadn't expected
21:41and wouldn't have asked for.
21:46I lay awake afterward
21:48in the dark,
21:49listening to his steady breathing
21:50beside me.
21:51I didn't understand
21:52this man at all.
21:56The days settled into a shape.
21:58Robyn went out early,
22:00sometimes before I woke.
22:02I kept the house and the yard.
22:04He came back in the evenings
22:06with game or herbs,
22:07or sometimes just his empty hands
22:09and a tired, honest face.
22:13He never raised his voice at me,
22:15never found fault with the meals
22:17or the cleaning,
22:19never made me feel like a burden
22:21he was tolerating.
22:23He asked me things,
22:25not testing questions
22:26with correct answers,
22:28real questions.
22:30What I liked,
22:31what I remembered from growing up,
22:33whether I was warm enough at night.
22:36I started answering him
22:37like I meant it.
22:39One morning I found
22:40a bundle of wild flowers
22:41left on the table.
22:43No explanation.
22:44Just the flowers.
22:46I put them in a jar
22:47and said nothing.
22:49But I kept looking at them
22:51all day.
22:52The village didn't leave us
22:53alone entirely.
22:54People found reasons
22:55to pass the gate.
22:56Glances over the fence.
22:58Whispers when I went to the well.
23:00A contracted wife living well,
23:02that was interesting enough to watch.
23:04Some of the women were kind to me,
23:06some weren't.
23:07Clara came to see me.
23:09We sat in the yard
23:10with a pot of tea between us
23:11and she held my hands
23:12and looked at my face
23:13for a long time.
23:15You look different,
23:16she said.
23:17Different how?
23:18She thought about it.
23:20Less afraid.
23:22I didn't say anything to that.
23:24She told me how things were
23:25for her now,
23:26in that household.
23:27I listened.
23:28I didn't cry this time
23:29but my chest was tight
23:30for a long time
23:31after she left.
23:33Edmund came back,
23:34not crashing in
23:35through the gate this time.
23:36He stood outside it
23:38in the lane
23:38and called my name
23:39quiet,
23:40almost careful.
23:42I opened the gate
23:43and looked at him.
23:44He had lost weight.
23:46His scholar's hands
23:47were dirty at the nails.
23:49I want to apologize.
23:50I want to apologize.
23:52What for?
23:55For what I said
23:56last time.
24:01You should go.
24:03Lily!
24:04Edmund!
24:05He stood there a moment longer,
24:07then he turned
24:08and walked away.
24:09I closed the gate
24:11and went back to the yard.
24:13The tightness in my chest
24:15didn't come this time.
24:16Word reached me
24:17a few weeks later
24:18through one of the village women.
24:20Edmund had told people
24:21in town
24:21that I had gone eagerly
24:22to Rowan's house,
24:24that I had wanted to go,
24:26that the contract
24:27had been my idea.
24:29A scholar's rotation,
24:31that was what it came down to.
24:34He couldn't be the man
24:35who had sold his wife,
24:37so I had to be the wife
24:39who had sold herself.
24:43I was drawing water
24:44at the well
24:45when I heard two women
24:46talking on the other side
24:47of the fence.
24:47Not even ashamed of herself.
24:49Walking around
24:50like she belongs there.
24:51They didn't know I was there.
24:52Well,
24:53some women are just built
24:54for that kind of life,
24:55aren't they?
24:56I set the bucket down.
24:57I stood very still
24:58for a moment,
24:59then I picked up the bucket
25:00and went home.
25:02Rowan wasn't back yet.
25:03The house was quiet
25:05in the way a house is quiet
25:06when it belongs
25:08only to itself.
25:11I thought about
25:12what Edmund had told people.
25:14I thought about
25:15my parents' voices
25:16saying they had
25:17no such daughter.
25:19I thought about
25:20how it felt to be sold
25:22and then blamed
25:22for being sold.
25:24I sat down on the step
25:25and I cried.
25:27Not in front of anyone.
25:29Just by myself,
25:30on the step,
25:32until I was done.
25:34Then I wiped my face
25:35and went inside
25:36to start supper.
25:37When Rowan came home,
25:38I was at the stove.
25:39He walked in.
25:40stopped,
25:40looked at my face.
25:42Who upset you?
25:43No one,
25:43I said.
25:44He didn't push.
25:45He just came and stood beside me
25:46and watched the pot for a while.
25:48That was enough.
25:51Rowan still wasn't back yet.
25:53The house sat empty
25:54and hollow around me
25:55like that same hollow place
25:56in my chest.
25:58My heart had already died
25:59the day Edmund sold me.
26:00I had known that.
26:02But a small,
26:03stubborn piece of it
26:04had kept on wanting things
26:05it had no right to want.
26:06That day,
26:07looking at Edmund's face
26:09and seeing the self-interest
26:10dressed up as feeling,
26:12that piece finally let go.
26:14I wiped my eyes.
26:16I was tired,
26:18kind of tired,
26:18that lives in the bones.
26:19I wanted to sleep
26:21for a long time.
26:22Lily!
26:22What happened?
26:23Who did this to you?
26:24Rowan was back.
26:26He came through the door
26:27still cold from outside,
26:28dropped everything at his feet
26:29and crossed the room to me
26:30in a few steps.
26:31He held me at arm's length
26:33and looked me over,
26:34front and back,
26:34lifted me slightly off the ground
26:36and turned me around once.
26:37Did you fall?
26:38Are you hurt?
26:39Where does it hurt?
26:40Show me.
26:42We're going to the doctor.
26:43Right now.
26:45I shook my head.
26:46I stepped forward
26:47and put my arms around his waist
26:48and held on.
26:50Rowan went completely still.
26:52Every muscle in his body tensed.
26:54He stopped breathing.
26:56I pressed my face against his chest
26:58and love his heart
26:59beat fast and hard.
27:02Rowan,
27:02I don't want to go back
27:04to Edmund's house.
27:08That night,
27:08he didn't touch me.
27:09He heated a full pot of water
27:11and let me soak
27:11in a long hot bath.
27:14Afterward,
27:14he held me the way
27:15you hold someone who is tired
27:16and he sang to me.
27:18Badly.
27:19He was clearly making up
27:20the tune as he went,
27:21but he kept going
27:22until I fell asleep.
27:23When I woke in the morning,
27:24the yard was already swept
27:25and something warm
27:26was waiting on the stove.
27:28Rowan was in the yard,
27:29shirtless despite the cold,
27:31splitting wood
27:31with great cheerful enthusiasm.
27:33He saw me come out and grinned.
27:35Did I wake you?
27:37I figured you'd be up by now.
27:38He was going back
27:39into the hills for five days.
27:41He wanted to earn more money.
27:42He wanted things
27:44to be comfortable for me.
27:45The morning he left,
27:47he made a pot of broth
27:48that would last,
27:49told me to eat on schedule
27:50and not go looking for trouble.
27:52I nodded.
27:53I watched him shoulder his rifle
27:55and walk out
27:56into the early mist,
27:57and I felt something
27:58I didn't want to examine
28:00too closely.
28:02Those five days,
28:03I swept the yard
28:04every morning
28:04and kept a plate warm
28:05on the stove each evening.
28:06On the fifth day,
28:08at dusk,
28:09with the sky burning
28:10orange and red
28:11along the ridge,
28:12his shape appeared
28:12at the far end of the lane.
28:14He was walking fast.
28:15His face was lit up.
28:17His game bag
28:18was full and heavy.
28:20Lily, I'm home!
28:21He'd barely made it
28:22through the gate
28:22before he set the bag down
28:24and came toward me,
28:25eyes bright.
28:26I stepped forward
28:27to help him with the rifle,
28:28but he caught my hands.
28:30Hold on.
28:31I brought you something.
28:33He crouched down
28:34and opened the bag
28:34the way you'd open
28:35something that might break.
28:36Slowly, gently,
28:38with both hands.
28:39At the mouth of the bag,
28:40two white shapes appeared.
28:42Long necks,
28:43faint golden markings,
28:45soft as winter light.
28:47A pair of fesses.
28:49White ones.
28:51Rare enough that most people
28:52lived and died
28:53without seeing one.
28:56Are those white fesses?
29:01My eyes went wide.
29:02White pheasants
29:03were considered
29:04a lucky omen.
29:05Some people said
29:06they appeared
29:06only once in a generation.
29:08Rowan nodded,
29:09stroking the feathers
29:10with one finger,
29:11voice gentle.
29:11Found them deep
29:12in the back country.
29:13Took two days
29:14of waiting to catch them,
29:15not a feather out of place.
29:16News moved fast.
29:18By the next morning,
29:19the whole settlement
29:19knew about the birds.
29:21A crowd had gathered
29:22at the gate,
29:22everyone up on their T's
29:24trying to see over,
29:25voices tumbling
29:26over each other.
29:26Lord above,
29:27they're real.
29:28Just like the old people
29:29used to describe.
29:30That's a genuine
29:30lucky omen.
29:31You know what those
29:32are worth to the county magistrate?
29:34At least a hundred dollars
29:36as a gift.
29:37Rowan's made his fortune.
29:39A hundred dollars!
29:41That's a regular family's
29:42whole lifetime!
29:43Someone pressed forward
29:44to tell Rowan
29:45with a face full of flattering
29:46that gifting them
29:47to the magistrate
29:47might get him
29:48a proper appointment somewhere.
29:49Rowan gave them
29:50a flat look
29:51and said nothing.
29:52He turned
29:52and carried the cage
29:53to the shaded corner
29:54of the yard,
29:55set it down,
29:56filled a small dish
29:57with millet
29:57and water
29:57for the birds.
29:59Don't listen to them.
30:01Once I've made
30:02the arrangements,
30:03I'll take them to town.
30:05I know someone
30:06reliable there
30:07who can get them
30:07to the county seat safely.
30:09I watched his serious face
30:11and felt something warm
30:12move through my chest.
30:13I nodded.
30:14I thought that was settled.
30:16I was wrong.
30:17That same afternoon,
30:19urgent fists hit the gate
30:20and with it came a sound
30:21that made my stomach drop.
30:23Mrs. Hartley's voice,
30:25sharp as wire.
30:27Lily!
30:29Open up!
30:31Open this gate,
30:32Royal!
30:36Rowan read my face
30:37and put a hand
30:38on my shoulder.
30:39I'll get it.
30:40You stay inside.
30:41Don't let her
30:42get under your skin.
30:43I shook my head
30:44and took his hand off.
30:45I'll go.
30:46It was always
30:47going to come to this.
30:48Mrs. Hartley stood
30:49in the lane
30:49with the deliberate look
30:50of someone who has decided
30:51she has owed something.
30:53A few curious neighbors
30:54had already gathered behind her.
30:55Her eyes went past me
30:56the moment I opened the gate.
30:58Straight to the corner of the yard,
30:59straight to the cage.
31:00Something lit up in her face
31:01that I didn't like at all.
31:02There it is.
31:03She pushed past me
31:05and walked directly to the cage,
31:07craning her neck
31:07to look at the birds inside.
31:09The hunger in her expression
31:10kept getting bigger.
31:12Rowan stepped in front of her,
31:13jaw set,
31:14voice cool.
31:15Mrs. Hartley,
31:16what brings you to my house?
31:18She turned,
31:19gave him a brief
31:19glance
31:20and spoke with the confidence
31:21of someone stating
31:22an obvious fact.
31:23Lily is my son's wife.
31:25She's been contracted
31:26to you for a year,
31:27but she's still
31:27an Edmund Hartley family woman
31:28at the end of it.
31:29Whatever comes to her
31:31while she's in your house
31:31belongs to us.
31:33I heard that
31:34and felt the heat
31:35rise in my face.
31:37That is the most outrageous
31:39thing I've ever heard.
31:40I was contracted to Rowan.
31:42These birds are his.
31:43He caught them.
31:45Your family has nothing
31:47to do with any of it.
31:48Her expression
31:49went through two
31:50or three colors
31:51and then
31:52she launched
31:53into her speech.
31:55Edmund had sacrificed
31:56everything.
31:57The family had given up
31:59everything for his studies.
32:01Contracting me out
32:02had been done
32:02for our future,
32:04for my benefit,
32:05so I could one day
32:06be a scholar's wife.
32:07And now here I was
32:08living comfortably
32:09in another man's house
32:10and refusing to acknowledge
32:12what I owed.
32:12The white phaiasies
32:14were a lucky omen.
32:16If Edmund presented them
32:17to the county magistrate
32:18as a gift,
32:19the magistrate
32:20might be so pleased
32:21that he'd approve
32:22Edmund's credentials
32:23by hand.
32:24Edmund would pass.
32:25I would return
32:26to the Hartley household
32:27as a scholar's wife.
32:28Wasn't that better
32:29than staying with a trapper?
32:33The more she talked,
32:35the less any of it
32:36resembled reality.
32:38The neighbors
32:38were murmuring now.
32:40The glances aimed at me
32:41had turned strange.
32:43I looked at her shameless face
32:44and felt sick.
32:47No.
32:48The birds are Rowan's.
32:49I won't give them to you.
32:51Get off this property.
32:52If you don't leave,
32:53I'll have At Rowan remove you.
32:55She saw my face
32:56and saw Rowan's expression,
32:57which had gone dark
32:59and still,
33:00and something in her flinched.
33:01But she didn't back down.
33:03Don't push your luck, Lily!
33:05If you won't hand over
33:06those birds,
33:07I will go down on my knees
33:08right here in this yard
33:09and let every neighbor
33:11in this settlement
33:11watch you turn away
33:12your own husband's mother.
33:14Let them all see
33:15what kind of woman you are.
33:18Rowan moved first.
33:20He stepped forward
33:21and blocked her.
33:21His voice dropped to something
33:23close to freezing.
33:24Mrs. Hartley,
33:25I strongly suggest you leave.
33:27This is my yard,
33:29not your stage.
33:30If you don't go now,
33:31you won't like
33:32what happens next.
33:33He was a full head
33:34taller than her
33:34and built like a man
33:35who had spent his life
33:36in the hills.
33:37The force of him
33:38standing there,
33:38quiet and certain,
33:39went through her
33:40like a cold draft.
33:41She straightened up,
33:42shot me a look
33:43full of venom.
33:44Fine, the two of you.
33:45Don't think this is over.
33:47We'll see how this ends.
33:48She turned and marched out.
33:50The neighbors drifted
33:51after her,
33:52most of them stealing
33:52one last look at the cage
33:53before they went.
33:55I watched her go
33:56and let out a long breath.
33:57The anger was still
33:58sitting in my chest.
34:00Rowan came up beside me
34:02and ruffled my hair lightly.
34:03Don't let it in.
34:04She's making noise.
34:06She can't actually do anything.
34:08I leaned slightly toward him.
34:11I'm not worried about the noise.
34:13I'm worried she'll go
34:13after the birds.
34:14He was quiet a moment.
34:17You're right.
34:18Leaving them here overnight
34:20is a risk.
34:21I'm going into town now.
34:23I have someone I trust
34:24who can get word
34:25to the county seat.
34:26Have him send someone official
34:27to collect the birds.
34:29That's the safest way.
34:34I grabbed his arm.
34:36Just take them with you.
34:38I don't like them sitting here.
34:39No.
34:40These birds are fragile.
34:42The road to the county settle
34:43is rough.
34:44I don't want anything
34:45to happen to them on the way.
34:47If the magistrate's office
34:48sends a proper escort,
34:50that's safer for everyone.
34:51He paused,
34:52then added,
34:54After I leave,
34:55lock the front gate.
34:56Lock the inside door too.
34:57Whatever you hear outside,
34:59don't come out until I'm back.
35:00I won't be long.
35:02I looked at his worried face
35:04and nodded.
35:06I know.
35:07Be careful out there.
35:11He pulled me in briefly,
35:13held on for a second,
35:15then walked out fast.
35:16I followed him to the gate
35:17and watched his shape
35:18disappear into the evening dark.
35:20Then I shut the gate,
35:22slide the bolt across,
35:23and checked it twice.
35:24The yard was quiet,
35:25just wind in the leaves.
35:26The night came in fast.
35:28The moon went behind clouds
35:30and took the last of the light with it.
35:31I sat inside with my needlework,
35:33trying to keep my hands busy.
35:36It didn't help.
35:38I kept pricking my fingers.
35:40Small beads of blood
35:41dotted the cloth.
35:43After a while,
35:43something moved
35:44on the other side of the wall.
35:46Faint,
35:46like someone testing their footing.
35:48I set the needlework down,
35:50stopped breathing,
35:51listened,
35:52a soft thut.
35:53Someone landing in the yard,
35:55then careful footsteps
35:56on the flagstones.
36:01I was on my feet
36:02before I'd made a decision.
36:03I went for the door.
36:04Then I heard the voices.
36:06Move fast.
36:08Quiet.
36:09Don't wake that little rat.
36:10She's asleep by now, Ma.
36:12Let's just grab the cage and go.
36:14Edmund,
36:14get the lash open.
36:15Be careful,
36:16don't spook the birds.
36:17These are our ticket
36:18out of all this.
36:21I threw the door open.
36:23Stop.
36:24Right there.
36:26All three of them spun around.
36:28For one moment,
36:29something like guilt
36:30crossed their faces.
36:31Then it cleared,
36:32and they looked at me
36:33like I was an inconvenience
36:34to be moved.
36:35Mrs. Hartley put her hands
36:36on her hips.
36:37We're taking those birds tonight,
36:39and you are not gonna stop us.
36:41Keep out of our way
36:43if you know what's good for you.
36:44Edmund stood to the side,
36:46but the careful,
36:46softly spoken scholar was gone.
36:48What was left
36:48was flat and cold.
36:50Lily,
36:50be reasonable.
36:51These birds can change
36:53everything for me.
36:53That's good for you, too.
36:55Let us take them.
36:55When I've passed
36:56and earned my credentials,
36:57I'll bring you home.
36:58I won't contract you out again.
36:59You have my word.
37:01I laughed.
37:04Your word.
37:05I walked forward
37:06and planted myself
37:06in front of the cage
37:07and didn't move.
37:08Edmund's father
37:09came at me first.
37:10He grabbed my arm
37:11and threw me sideways hard.
37:13I stumbled back
37:14and hit the wall.
37:15The air went out of me.
37:17Stop wasting time,
37:18tie her up.
37:19Let's go.
37:20Edmund spoke
37:20without looking at me.
37:22Mrs. Hartley
37:22stepped forward
37:23and hit me across the face.
37:25Open harm
37:25as hard as she could.
37:27The crack of it
37:27was sharp in the cold air.
37:29My cheek lit up with heat
37:30and I tasted blood
37:31at the corner of my mouth.
37:33You ungrateful little wretch.
37:34You dare stand in our way?
37:36I will teach you
37:37exactly who you belong to.
37:39She kept hitting.
37:40His father joined in.
37:41I fought back
37:42with everything I had
37:43which wasn't much
37:44against three adults.
37:45I went down.
37:46My arms burned.
37:47My legs hurt.
37:48My face was wet.
37:49I wasn't crying
37:50because of the pain.
37:51I was crying
37:52because of the cold truth of it.
37:57Edmund crouched down
37:58and grabbed my hair
37:59forcing my head up.
38:00His face above mine
38:01was stripped of everything
38:02I had once mistaken
38:03for feeling.
38:04Just contempt
38:04and something greedier underneath.
38:06Lily,
38:07you really are pathetic.
38:08Rowan is a trapper
38:09in the dirt
38:10defending his property
38:11than stand on your own two feet.
38:13You'd rather be his contracted woman
38:15than be my wife.
38:16Let me tell you something.
38:17Whatever you think you are here
38:18you're still just a contract.
38:20A year's agreement.
38:21You'll never be anything more.
38:23But I will be someone.
38:24I will be respected.
38:26And when that day comes
38:27even if you beg me on your knees
38:29I won't want you anymore.
38:31Not a woman without
38:31a shred of loyalty or virtue.
38:34I looked at his face
38:35and felt nothing but nausea.
38:37I gathered what I had left
38:39and bit into his forearm
38:41with everything I had.
38:43Edmund screamed
38:44and kicked me away.
38:45She bit me!
38:47The woman's feral!
38:49Mrs. Hartley pulled him back.
38:53Forget her.
38:54Let's take the cage
38:56and go before Rowan comes back.
39:03They grabbed the cage
39:04and ran.
39:06I lay on the cold stone
39:07and stared at the sky.
39:09Rowan had spent two days
39:10in the hills
39:10waiting for those birds.
39:12Not a feather out of place
39:13he'd said.
39:14I hadn't been able
39:15to protect them.
39:16The grey of pre-dawn
39:17was starting at the edge
39:18of the sky
39:18when the gates swung open
39:19and Rowan came in fast.
39:21A uniformed officer
39:22of the county court
39:23right behind him.
39:24He saw me on the ground.
39:25He stopped being calm
39:27entirely.
39:29Lily.
39:30Lily.
39:31Lily, are you hurt?
39:34The officer looked
39:35around the yard
39:36and frowned.
39:37Looks like you had
39:38a break-in, friend.
39:44I don't know.
39:45I don't know.
39:46I don't know.
39:46I don't know.
39:46I don't know.
39:46I don't know.
39:47I don't know.
39:49I don't know.
39:51I don't know.
39:52I don't know.
39:55By morning,
39:56both birds were dead.
39:58I found out later
39:59that this was something
40:00At-Roe had known
40:01would happen.
40:02White pheasets
40:03were high-strung creatures.
40:05Captured and put
40:06in a strange place
40:07without the right conditions,
40:08they would simply
40:09die of distress.
40:11The officer's patience
40:12ran out completely.
40:14He clapped all three
40:16Hartleys and Irons
40:17and brought them,
40:18dead birds and all,
40:20back to the county courthouse.
40:23The magistrate
40:25had already sent word
40:26ahead to the regional
40:27governor's office.
40:29He had been waiting
40:30for that gift.
40:31What arrived instead
40:33was two dead pheasants
40:34in a family of thieves.
40:36He was so furious
40:38he could barely speak.
40:39He ordered 50 slashes apiece.
40:41When he learned
40:42Edmund had been studying
40:43for the licensing's exam zones,
40:45he added a permanent ban.
40:47Edmund Hartley
40:48would never sit
40:48for another qualifying exam
40:50as long as he lived.
40:51All three came back
40:52unable to walk.
40:53Mrs. Hartley's health
40:55was already poor.
40:56The punishment
40:57broke something in her
40:58that didn't come back.
40:59She went home
41:00with a fever
41:00that climbed
41:01and wouldn't break,
41:02barely conscious.
41:03His father took to his bed
41:05and couldn't feed himself.
41:06Edmund sat in the yard
41:07all day with the look
41:08of a man
41:09who's somewhere else entirely,
41:11muttering,
41:11The exams.
41:12My exams.
41:13I can't sit
41:14for the exams anymore.
41:15His hair went gray
41:16at the temples
41:17almost overnight.
41:18He aged 10 years
41:19in a week.
41:19Everything he had
41:20worked toward
41:21was gone.
41:22Every plan,
41:23every sacrifice
41:24he had justified
41:25to himself
41:25and to me.
41:27The exams
41:28had been the only thing
41:29and now they were taken away
41:30and he had nothing
41:31left inside
41:32to hold himself up with.
41:33No money for a doctor.
41:35No money for medicine.
41:37Mrs. Hartley's fever
41:38kept climbing.
41:40Edmund had nowhere
41:40left to turn.
41:41So he came to me.
41:43That afternoon
41:44he dragged himself
41:45to Roe's gate,
41:46knelt in the dirt,
41:47and knocked.
41:52Lily!
41:52Lily, please!
41:54Open the door!
41:55He was filthy.
41:56His face was streaked
41:57with dust and dried blood
41:59and he looked 10 years older
42:01than the man I'd married.
42:02He pressed his forehead
42:04to the ground
42:04when he saw me.
42:07Please.
42:08I'm begging you.
42:11My mother is going to die.
42:13The fever won't break
42:15and we have no money
42:16for a doctor.
42:19Please lend me
42:20what you can.
42:21I will repay you.
42:22I swear I will repay you.
42:24He kept bowing.
42:25Tears and snot
42:26ran down his face together.
42:29There was nothing
42:30dignified left in him at all.
42:34I looked at him.
42:36Do you actually think
42:38I'd help you?
42:40You sold me.
42:45You stood in this yard
42:46and held my hair
42:49and told me
42:50I was nothing.
42:52You let your parents
42:53beat me
42:56and then you stole
42:57from the man
42:57who housed
42:58and fed me.
43:02What happens to your mother
43:04has nothing to do with me.
43:05I turned toward the gate.
43:08He lunged forward
43:09and grabbed the hem
43:10of my coat.
43:12Lily.
43:14Please.
43:15I know I was wrong.
43:17I know it.
43:18I'll do anything.
43:20I'll give up the exams
43:21forever.
43:23I'll work with my hands.
43:25I'll take care
43:26of you properly.
43:29Just please.
43:30Please help my mother.
43:33Rowan appeared beside me.
43:35He reached down
43:36and detached
43:37Edmund's grip.
43:38Voice empty of warmth.
43:43Edmund.
43:45Don't do this to her again.
43:48She's not going to help you.
43:50You brought this on yourselves.
43:52Go home.
43:53Edmund looked up
43:54at Rowan's face
43:55and then at mine
43:57and understood
43:58that it was over.
44:00He let go.
44:01He sat back
44:02on his heels
44:03in the lane
44:03and stared at nothing.
44:06It's all gone.
44:07He said
44:08to no one.
44:11Everything's gone.
44:15He tried anyway.
44:17He went door to door
44:18in the settlement
44:19asking to borrow money
44:21for his mother's doctor.
44:24No one gave him anything.
44:28Everyone knew
44:29what the Hartley family
44:30had done.
44:31His father lay in bed
44:32full of grievances
44:33and self-pity.
44:34Useless.
44:35His mother burned
44:36with fever
44:37drifting in and out
44:38of sense.
44:39Muttering about
44:40pheasances
44:40and credentials
44:41and all the things
44:43she was still owed
44:44by a world
44:44that had stopped listening.
44:46She wasn't ready to die.
44:47She'd never had
44:48her good years.
44:49She was still waiting
44:51to see Edmund
44:51become someone important.
44:54When it became clear
44:55that neither Edmund
44:56nor his father
44:57could get money
44:58for her treatment
44:59she acted on her own.
45:01She sent word
45:01through a distant relative
45:02to a moneylender in town
45:03borrowed a sum
45:05in her own name
45:05without telling
45:06either of them.
45:08She thought it was simple.
45:09Get the money
45:10see the doctor
45:10then find a way
45:11to catch another pair
45:12of rare birds
45:13for the magistrate
45:13get Edmund his credentials
45:14and pay it all back slowly.
45:16She did not understand
45:17how moneyletting worked.
45:19The debt doubled in days
45:21then doubled again.
45:23Her fever improved slightly.
45:25The loanders came to collect.
45:27She did not understand
45:28how moneyletting worked.
45:30The debt doubled in days
45:31then doubled again.
45:34Her fever improved slightly.
45:36The lenders came to collect.
45:38Three large men
45:39walked into the Hartley yard
45:40one afternoon.
45:41Edmund and his father
45:42shook and begged
45:43for more time.
45:45The men were not
45:46interested in more time.
45:48Edmund's righting hand
45:50was broken.
45:50his father's leg
45:51was broken.
45:52They lay on the ground
45:53and screamed.
45:54Mrs. Hartley sat on the ground
45:56beside them and wept
45:57and no one paid her
45:57any attention.
45:59The lenders took everything
46:00that could be sold
46:01or carried
46:01to settle what they were owed.
46:03The deed to the house.
46:04The furniture.
46:05All of it.
46:09When the lenders left
46:11there was nothing.
46:12Edmund and his father
46:13lay injured
46:13and couldn't move.
46:15Mrs. Hartley's mind
46:15had cracked somewhere
46:16under the weight of it.
46:17She sat in the empty yard
46:18for hours saying nothing.
46:20They had nowhere to go.
46:21They gathered a few
46:22rags of clothing
46:23and moved into
46:23the derelict chapel
46:24at the edge of the settlement.
46:26The place had gaps
46:27in the walls
46:28and a roof that leaked.
46:29No food.
46:30No blankets.
46:31They survived
46:31on whatever they could beg
46:33from passersby.
46:33Edmund had come undone
46:34completely.
46:35His writing hand
46:36was broken.
46:37He couldn't hold a pen.
46:38He couldn't sit for exams.
46:40He couldn't do the one thing
46:41he had organized
46:42his entire life around.
46:44He sat in the corner
46:45of the chapel
46:46and rocked slightly
46:47and said the same things
46:48over and over.
46:49My hand.
46:51My exams.
46:52I shouldn't have been greedy.
46:53I shouldn't have contracted
46:55Lily out.
46:56When Rowie heard
46:57what had happened
46:58he took three dollars
46:59went to find the Hartleys
47:01and bought a legal divorce document
47:03from Edmund on the spot.
47:06He came home
47:07and put the paper
47:08in my hands.
47:09His face had that open
47:11lit up look
47:12it sometimes got.
47:15Lily.
47:16You're a free woman.
47:18Then he seemed
47:19to make a decision.
47:21He took my hand
47:22and held it
47:23and his eyes
47:24were completely steady.
47:27Lily.
47:28Will you marry me?
47:30Not a contract.
47:31A real marriage.
47:33You and me.
47:34For the rest of our lives.
47:36I looked at him.
47:37This man
47:38who had cut winter blossoms
47:39in the dark hills
47:40and dragged them home
47:41for a woman
47:42he didn't know yet.
47:43Who had ordered me
47:44to eat until I was full
47:46and then pretended
47:47it was a command.
47:48Who had held me
47:49while I cried
47:50about someone else
47:51and asked nothing
47:52in return.
47:53My eyes were filling.
47:56Yes.
48:02Rowan threw himself
48:03into the wedding preparations
48:04the way he did everything.
48:07Completely
48:08and with great enthusiasm.
48:10He spent everything
48:11he'd saved
48:12from years of trapping
48:13and hunting.
48:14Fabric, ribbon,
48:15food,
48:16decorations.
48:17He got half the settlement
48:18to come help
48:18and transform the yard
48:19entirely.
48:20Red lanterns everywhere.
48:21Paper decorations
48:22on every window.
48:23The smell of good food
48:24and wood smoke
48:25in the air.
48:26A hundred times
48:27more festive
48:27than the thin quick ceremony
48:28Eden had given me.
48:29On the day itself
48:30the yard was full of people
48:31and noise and warmth.
48:33Half the settlement
48:33came to celebrate.
48:34I wore the red dress
48:36Rowan had bought me.
48:37Silver pins in my hair.
48:38Bracelets at my wrists.
48:39A little color in my cheeks.
48:41Standing beside him
48:42I felt something
48:43I hadn't expected
48:44to feel again.
48:44Happy.
48:45Simply,
48:46cleanly happy.
48:47Rowan wore a new
48:48rough cloth wedding shirt
48:49and looked like himself.
48:51Big and solid
48:52and sincere.
48:52He looked at me
48:53the whole time
48:54with a softness in his face
48:55that he didn't seem
48:56to know how to hide.
48:57We made our vows.
48:58In the middle of the ceremony
49:00a commotion started
49:01at the gate.
49:02The Hartley family had come.
49:05Uninvited.
49:06Unwelcome.
49:07They had come to eat
49:08someone else's wedding food.
49:10Edmund leaned on a crutch
49:10his broken hand
49:11hanging in a sling.
49:12His face was gray and hollow.
49:14His father was being
49:15helped along by someone
49:16his broken leg
49:17wrapped and dragging.
49:18Mrs. Hartley shuttled
49:19behind them
49:19vacant eyed
49:20dressed in dirty rags.
49:22Everything about her
49:23at odds with the red
49:23and gold around her.
49:24The guests who saw them
49:26first went quiet.
49:27Then the whispers started.
49:29Uninv.
49:29Their own family in ruins
49:31and they come here
49:31to eat off Rowan's table.
49:32After everything
49:33they did to it, Lily.
49:34Have they no shame at all?
49:36Rowan's jaw tightened
49:37but he said nothing.
49:39He didn't send them away.
49:42The Hartleads found a spot
49:44and sat down
49:45and they ate.
49:46Quickly without looking up
49:47like people who had forgotten
49:48what it felt like
49:49to have enough.
49:50Edmund drank.
49:51One cup
49:52and then another
49:52and another
49:53until he was past the point
49:55of knowing where he was.
49:56He raised his head
49:57and found my face
49:58across the yard
50:00and Rowan's beside mine.
50:06And something wrecked
50:07and lost
50:07moved through his expression.
50:10He started talking
50:12loud enough
50:13for the people
50:13near him to hear.
50:15Lily.
50:16Lily, I was wrong.
50:17I know I was wrong.
50:19I shouldn't have
50:20contracted you out.
50:22I shouldn't have hit you.
50:24I shouldn't have said
50:25those things.
50:26Rowan,
50:26I'm jealous of you.
50:28I'm jealous you can
50:28give her what I couldn't.
50:30My exams.
50:32My hand.
50:33My house.
50:35My Lily.
50:36All of it's gone.
50:39All of it.
50:40The guests went quiet
50:42around him.
50:43Some looked away.
50:45No one argued with him
50:46and no one comforted him either.
50:49When the evening was over
50:51the dark had fully come in.
50:53A cool wind moved
50:54through the lane.
50:56Edmund refused
50:56his father's
50:57and mother's hands.
50:58He was going back
50:59to the chapel
51:00on his own, he said.
51:01He walked out into the dark,
51:03still muttering my name,
51:05feet stumbling,
51:06listing from side to side.
51:08The river at the edge
51:09of the settlement
51:10was running high
51:11that time of year.
51:12Spring floods.
51:14Fast water.
51:17Edmund couldn't see
51:18where he was going.
51:20At the bank,
51:21his foot slipped.
51:23He went into the water.
51:27One arm broken,
51:28he couldn't fight the current.
51:30The river took him.
51:31A few weak sounds
51:32and then only
51:33the roar of the water.
51:36The next morning,
51:37someone found him
51:38downstream on the gravel bank.
51:40Soaked through,
51:42face a terrible colour.
51:44His expression
51:45still carrying
51:46the outrage of a man
51:47who had died
51:49believing he was owed better.
51:52Nobody cried for long.
51:59He had done this to himself.
52:06When the news reached Mrs. Hartley,
52:08what was left of her mind
52:09let go.
52:10She wandered the settlement
52:12for days,
52:13hair loose,
52:14calling Edmund's name
52:15and asking strangers
52:16when her son was going
52:17to pass his exams.
52:18His father was already
52:19bedridden from his injuries.
52:21When he heard his son
52:22was drowned
52:23and his wife
52:23had lost her mind,
52:24he couldn't take
52:25the weight of it.
52:26He stopped breathing
52:27there in the chapel
52:28in the dark,
52:29alone.
52:29They said his last words
52:31were some version
52:32of I should not have.
52:33Nobody came forward
52:34to bury either of them.
52:36In the end,
52:37it was the village elder
52:38who organized a collection.
52:40Enough to dig
52:40two simple graves
52:41on a bit of unused ground
52:43at the edge of the fields.
52:44Mrs. Hartley
52:45was last seen
52:46walking out
52:46toward the hills.
52:47No one knew
52:48where she went.
52:49A charitable traveler
52:51may have taken her in.
52:52She may have died
52:53somewhere far
52:54from anyone
52:55who knew her name.
52:56There was no word
52:57either way.
52:58After the Hartley family
52:59was gone,
53:00there was nothing left
53:01connecting me
53:01to that old life.
53:03Rowan still went
53:04into the hills
53:04every morning.
53:05He still came back
53:06every evening.
53:07He never failed
53:08to bring something.
53:09Wild berries
53:10or a spray
53:10of something flowering.
53:11Just because he thought
53:12I might like it.
53:13Before long,
53:14I was pregnant.
53:15Rowan became someone
53:16I had not fully seen before.
53:18Careful,
53:18attentive,
53:19refusing to let me lift
53:20anything heavier than a cup.
53:22He would come home
53:23from a day's hunting
53:24and sit beside me
53:24in the evening
53:25with one hand resting
53:26on my stomach.
53:27Just there.
53:27Just present.
53:28He kept to our small yard
53:30and our small house
53:31and our small life.
53:33Three meals a day,
53:35four seasons turning.
53:37Steady and warm
53:38all the way through.
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