- 16 minutes ago
Thirty Seconds Underwater
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Short filmTranscript
00:02Today was supposed to be our deep dive mission with my boyfriend, Ethan.
00:07But at the last minute, he galled from Chloe and rushed off.
00:15He didn't notice I'd been caught in the undercurrent.
00:21In those 30 seconds, pinned against the reef with my breathing tube tangled in the rocks,
00:27the only running through my mind was,
00:30I wish he were here.
00:36The first thing I did after climbing ashore was reach up and touch my left ear.
00:41It was still bleeding.
00:43My eardrum had ruptured.
00:46Instinctively, I reached for my phone to text Ethan.
00:52A social media postist popped up on the screen.
00:56In the photo, Chloe Winters was in a swimsuit.
01:01Ethan the Woz was not alone behind hind her, his hands steady on her waist.
01:06The caption read,
01:08Thirteenth lesson.
01:10The little guy has mastered his second swimming stroke.
01:14It turned out that when I was on the verge of death,
01:20he was teaching another woman how to swimming.
01:23Droplets of water slid from the ends of my hair onto the screen,
01:27blurring the image.
01:31My phone rang.
01:33It was Ethan calling.
01:36Chloe swallowed some water during practice.
01:39You're such a good diver.
01:41You could have made the dive without me.
01:42But Chloe is so fragile, I had to teach her to swim first.
01:48You must understand, right?
01:52The ringing in my left ear kept going, steady and relentless.
01:58No need.
01:59I can't dive anymore, and I don't need a dive partner now, either.
02:08After getting my ear treated at the hospital,
02:11I made it back to the apartment.
02:13It was already 7.30 in the evening.
02:18Ethan had gotten home before me,
02:21fresh out of the shower,
02:22his hair still half damp.
02:28You're back.
02:31He didn't bother lifting his head,
02:33his fingers still tapping away at his phone.
02:38I'd sent him messages, too.
02:41A hundred and thirty-seven of them.
02:43All unread.
02:47Water temperature at the pool was way too low today.
02:51Chloe was in the water for two hours.
03:00Her legs were shaking by the time she got out.
03:03At a depth of a hundred and thirty feet,
03:06when the turbulence kicked up silt and sand,
03:09the water temperature was barely above freezing.
03:16My legs were shaking, too.
03:18So I grabbed that bottle of body lotion from your cabinet
03:21and gave it to Chloe.
03:26Her skin was so dry,
03:28it was driving her crazy.
03:29It's not like you were using it anyway.
03:33That was a limited edition.
03:35I'd had a friend overseas stand in line for two weeks to get.
03:40My voice came out hoarse.
03:43I see.
03:46Have some water.
03:48Good for your throat.
03:50Ice-cold Chloe's cup.
03:52Pink cherry blossoms printed on the ceramic.
03:55A fuzzy little rabbit charm dangling from the handle.
04:00Don't overthink it.
04:01I broke your mug, so just make do with this one for now.
04:08Not thirsty.
04:08I didn't take it.
04:10My hands stayed buried in my pockets.
04:12My fingertips were numb with cold.
04:14On the shoe rack by the door,
04:16a pair of tiny white canvas sneakers had appeared.
04:20A pink cashmere cardigan was draped over the arm of the couch.
04:24This apartment, our home,
04:26was slowly being filled by someone else.
04:33Ethan's gaze finally drifted over to me.
04:38What happened to your ear?
04:40The blood-spotted gauze covering my left ear got hurt.
04:45How'd you manage to be so careless?
04:48Ear injuries are the number one thing divers are supposed to avoid.
04:54Well, be more careful next time.
04:57But with your skills,
04:59I'm sure you handled it fine.
05:04Not like Chloe,
05:06that little disaster.
05:08You've never need anyone to worry about you.
05:11It won't clear up.
05:12A perforated eardrum for an underwater surveyor
05:15means the end of a career.
05:23After my shower,
05:25I went back to my room and opened my laptop.
05:28I clicked into the transfer application portal.
05:33I uploaded the medical certificate confirming the eardrum rupture
05:37and my permanent disqualification from diving.
05:41Then I submitted my request for reassignment,
05:44coastal data recording,
05:46New Zealand.
05:49The next morning,
05:51I was jolted awake by a searing pain in my left ear.
05:56The complications from the perforation were starting to set in.
06:00The pain radiated through half my skull.
06:06I dry-swallowed to painkillers before it eased enough to function.
06:14Today I had to go to the East District Diving Base.
06:20The physical copy of my transfer request needed to be signed in person.
06:29I pushed open the bedroom door.
06:31Ethan was already at the dining table.
06:35Come have breakfast.
06:37Chloe went out of her way yesterday,
06:39stood in line at that trendy bakery.
06:44The sandwiches were packed thick with bacon and melted cheddar.
06:50I'm allergic to cheese.
06:52One bite and I break out in hives.
06:55He never remembered things like that.
07:01I didn't touch the food on the table and asked him.
07:09I need to go to the base medical office today.
07:12The doctor wants a follow-up.
07:13I can't drive with my ear like this.
07:17Can you give me a ride?
07:22He looked at my pale face and nodded.
07:29Fine.
07:30I'm heading that way anyway.
07:32Your stuff comes first.
07:33Dive Partners.
07:34That's what we're for, right?
07:36At nine, we headed out.
07:39His Maybach.
07:40The passenger seat was pushed all the way forward.
07:45A pink cartoon headrest was strapped to the backrest.
07:51Chloe was short.
07:53She liked the seat pulled up close to the dash.
07:58I didn't touch the adjustment button.
08:00Ethan, I opened the rear door and climbed into the back seat.
08:12Ethan, where are you?
08:13Ethan, where are you?
08:14My leg hurt so bad.
08:15Where I had that cramp last night, it's all swollen now.
08:19Ethan's face changed in an instant.
08:22Ethan's face changed in an instant.
08:23Don't cry.
08:24Don't move around.
08:27He wrenched the steering wheel.
08:29The tires screeched against the wet pavement.
08:33I'm coming right now.
08:36A sharp pain inevitably shot through my ears.
08:43Before I could even speak, he hung up and glanced at me through the rearview mirror.
08:52Lana, Lai, Chloe's leg cramp got worse. I need to go check on her first.
09:01Your prescription isn't exactly an emergency anyway.
09:04I'll drop you off at the next intersection. Just grab a cab from there.
09:11My voice was filled with agony.
09:16We're on the overpass. You can't get a cab here.
09:20And my ear really hurts.
09:25He said impatiently.
09:30Lana, can you please not pick right now to be dramatic?
09:35You swam back from a hundred feet underwater all by yourself.
09:40What's a little walking?
09:42Chloe's timid. She's hurt.
09:46The car screeched to a stop at a desolate intersection.
09:52Get out. I'll call you once I'm done with Chloe.
09:56I got out of the car. Raindrops hit the open wound on my ear.
10:00The pain drove into my skull like needles.
10:05I walked the rest of the way along the highway in the rain, all the way to the base.
10:14Supervisor Grant took one look at my bedraggled state and his brow furrowed deep.
10:24Ethan didn't drive you?
10:27No.
10:28He had something else.
10:31Where's the transfer form?
10:34Supervisor Grant sighed and pulled a document out of his desk drawer.
10:43I've already signed it. Headquarters approved it, too.
10:50I booked the flight for next Monday.
10:52Three more days.
10:54He looked at me, hesitating.
11:00Lana, does Ethan know you're leaving?
11:03I picked up the pen from his desk.
11:06On the final confirmation line, I pressed down hard and signed my name.
11:12No. He doesn't need to know.
11:17When I pushed open the apartment door, the living room TV was blaring some variety show.
11:26Ethan was half-kneeling beside the couch, holding an ice pack against Chloe's shin.
11:34You're back?
11:36Chloe's leg is really swollen.
11:40I don't feel right leaving her alone, so she's staying with us for a few days.
11:45I stood in the entryway, watching him keep his head down, fussing over a patch of redness no bigger than
11:51a coin.
11:56Lana, why is there a piece of wet tissue stuck to your ear?
12:01Before I could pull away, Chloe's fingernail had already hooked into the medical gauze, soaked through from the rain.
12:12I saw the smirk in her eyes, and the next second, she yanked hard.
12:17The freshly clotted scab tore open along with it.
12:21I let out a cry of pain.
12:24Ah!
12:26Ah!
12:27Ah!
12:28Chloe shrieked and recoiled.
12:30Her eyes instantly went red.
12:33Tears welled up.
12:35I'm so sorry.
12:37I thought it was just a scrape of tissue.
12:41Ethan immediately moved to soothe her.
12:44It's okay.
12:46It's okay.
12:47Don't be scared.
12:50You didn't do it on purpose.
12:53He grabbed paper napkins and shoved them into my hand.
13:01You alright?
13:02Go put some eye-zine on that.
13:05He didn't even stand up.
13:07His other hand was still holding the ice pack against Chloe's leg.
13:12I took those to dry, useless paper napkins and pressed them against the bleeding wound.
13:20When I came back from the bathroom, Chloe was eyeing the plastic bag I'd set on the table.
13:30Lana, were you at the deep-sea diving base just now?
13:37Yeah.
13:39Ethan says the water temperature in the deep sea is freezing.
13:44And it's so dark and cold down there.
13:48That's why he only ever took me to the shallow end 13 times in a row.
13:54She tilted her face up toward Ethan.
13:57Then doesn't Lana get scared all alone down there in the deep sea?
14:02She's got great technique and nerves of steel.
14:06She made it back safe of 100 feet underwater without a scratch.
14:12You think everyone's like you, choking on water in the shallow end?
14:17Lana's a professional surveyor.
14:19She doesn't need anyone holding her hand.
14:22First rule of diving.
14:24Never leave your dive partner 130 feet beneath the surface.
14:30The 30 seconds my breathing tube was caught on the reef.
14:37And my dive partner was in a temperature-controlled shallow pool,
14:41teaching another girl her second swimming stroke.
14:49Ethan, that little silver whistle around your neck is so cute.
14:54Chloe suddenly pointed at Ethan's chest.
14:56That was my rescue whistle.
15:00Then, for my first deep water dive tomorrow, can I borrow it?
15:08She tugged at the hem of Ethan's shirt.
15:14I'm scared.
15:16If I can't find you down there, I'll just blow this whistle, okay?
15:22Lana?
15:23This whistle, Chloe wants to borrow it for tomorrow.
15:27That's fine, right?
15:28Ethan turned toward me.
15:31That was the day we officially became dive partners.
15:34I was the one who hung it around his neck, with my own hands.
15:42I'm putting my life in your hands.
15:46When you hear's whistle, I will come for you.
15:52Those were his exact words to me that day.
16:00It's just a whistle.
16:01It's not like you don't have a spare.
16:03Chloe's going into deep water for the first time tomorrow.
16:06She needs, needs a little security.
16:09Don't be so stingy.
16:11Chloe's small voice drifted from the couch.
16:14Lana doesn't want to.
16:15It's okay.
16:20Of course she doesn't mind.
16:22Right.
16:26Ethan unhooked the metal clasp from around his neck.
16:30He bent down and slipped the rescue whistle over Chloe's head.
16:39There.
16:40If you get scared tomorrow, just blow.
16:43I promise I'll be right there the moment I hear it.
16:48I stood there.
16:50Rooted to the spot.
16:52The ringing in my left ear grew louder and louder.
16:58Take it.
17:02Things that are given away don't need to be returned.
17:06Less than 24 hours until my flight to New Zealand.
17:12The transfer order was already signed.
17:15Minimum three-year assignment.
17:17Maybe I'd never come back.
17:22In the morning, I stood at the stove, stirring a pot of seafood chowder.
17:28His favorite.
17:31The master bedroom door opened.
17:34Ethan emerged, twirling his car keys.
17:39The chowder just finished.
17:41Have a bowl before you go.
17:45No time.
17:46Chloe's waiting for me.
17:47It's her first time in the deep zen today.
17:49She was so nervous she barely slept.
17:56My voice was tinged with sorrow.
18:00Ethan.
18:02Do you remember how many times you've abandoned me?
18:06His tone was so casual that he didn't pick up on my sadness at all.
18:13Work stuff doesn't count as abandoning.
18:16I looked at him and said very seriously.
18:19Thirteen times.
18:21You abandoned me thirteen times.
18:24Why are you counting like that?
18:26You made it back safe every time, didn't you?
18:32And what if I almost didn't?
18:36Don't say things like that.
18:38You're standing right here, perfectly fine, aren't you?
18:45The ringing in my left ear kept going, steady and unbroken.
18:53Do you have to go?
18:56I asked him one last time.
19:00He was already at the door.
19:05If I'm one minute late, she'll be up on the shore crying her eyes out all day.
19:08The door opened.
19:11The door opened.
19:11Then it slammed shut.
19:12I turned slowly and walked back to the dining table.
19:19I poured the bowl of seafood chowder down the kitchen sink.
19:29Back in the bedroom, I packed.
19:31There wasn't much, there wasn't much that belonged to me, a few wetsuits.
19:35Some everyday clothes.
19:39A single 20-inch suitcase was enough to hold it all.
19:46Before I left, I looked back at this apartment one last time.
19:54His shirt from last night was draped over the back of the couch.
20:02The ice pack he'd used on Chloe's foot was still on the bathroom counter.
20:08Her cup sat on the coffee table, right next to his.
20:12Mine was broken.
20:14I never bought a new one.
20:16I sent Ethan one final message.
20:19We're done.
20:22Ethan had just climbed out of the water after Chloe's deep-end session.
20:29When he picked up his phone, my message was waiting on the screen.
20:34We're done.
20:41His grip on the phone tightened.
20:45April Fools was weeks ago.
20:48Stop joking around.
20:50But he knew.
20:51Ten years of knowing each other.
20:53Seven years as dive partners.
20:55I had never, not once, played these kinds of games.
21:01Ethan!
21:02I almost sank again back there.
21:05Good thing you pulled me up so fast.
21:10Let's go get sushi for lunch.
21:12Ethan pulled the door open and walked out.
21:17Chloe had already changed.
21:18She was fiddling with the rescue whistle he'd given her.
21:23Sushi?
21:24Sushi?
21:25Yeah.
21:25That new place?
21:26They have my favorite spicy tuna roll.
21:33He nodded on autopilot.
21:35Only then did it register.
21:37The one who loved sushi was Chloe.
21:40The restaurant was quiet.
21:43Chloe sat across from him.
21:45Chattering non-stop about her experience in the water, he didn't touch his food.
21:52The chat window still held only that one lonely breakup message.
22:00No follow-ups.
22:03No.
22:04Where are you?
22:06No.
22:07Come home soon.
22:10He typed.
22:11Got sushi with Chloe.
22:13Won't be doing dinner with you tonight.
22:15Let me know what you want.
22:20Half an hour.
22:21Still no reply.
22:23Ethan.
22:23Let's go watch the fireworks by the river after this.
22:27Okay.
22:27No.
22:28I'm going home.
22:33The apartment door swung open.
22:35No lights had been left on.
22:37The row of black wetsuits.
22:39Empty.
22:42The photo of their first dive.
22:44Flipped face down.
22:46He pulled out his phone and dialed the number he knew by heart.
22:50No answer.
22:51There was still one place he could look.
22:54The East District deep diving base.
22:58Ethan didn't bother knocking.
23:01He shoved the door open.
23:03Grant.
23:05Where's Lana?
23:06Supervisor Grant was in his office.
23:09You didn't know she left for New Zealand?
23:14Our deep dive mission is supposed to start next month.
23:18Our dears, Warshili Branner.
23:20What's she doing in New Zealand?
23:22She applied for a coastal data recording position.
23:25Her flight's this afternoon.
23:27Grant slapped a photocopy down on his desk.
23:30As for next month's mission, I've assigned you a new dive partner.
23:36I don't need a new partner.
23:38The only partner I recognize is Lana.
23:43Supervisor Grant's brow furrowed.
23:45He pulled out a medical report.
23:48You didn't know her eardrum was ruptured?
23:54That she's permanently disqualified from diving?
23:58How is she supposed to be your dive partner now?
24:02Ethan stood frozen, his pupils contracting sharply.
24:07What?
24:08Grant said in a cold voice.
24:11That was a hundred and thirty foot strong current zone.
24:17What's the first rule of deep diving?
24:20Your dive partner never leaves your line of sight.
24:24When the turbulence swept her into the reef, where were you?
24:29Ethan's throat was dry as sand.
24:32I thought that deep dive mission was a hundred feet.
24:39She's done solo dives at a hundred feet before.
24:41She can handle it alone.
24:46So, I went to the shallow end to teach Chloe how to swim.
24:50Supervisor Grant was so furious, he actually laughed.
24:54You didn't even read the mission brief?
24:57You left your dive partner alone in the deep sea
25:01to go play instructor for some woman who can't even swim!
25:05Due to gross negligence, the base has decided to revoke
25:09all your deep diving certifications for this year.
25:14Ethan didn't argue.
25:16He turned and walked out of the base.
25:21He sat in his car.
25:23He didn't even turn the headlights on.
25:30Lana, I didn't know you were hurt that badly.
25:36His hands trembling, he opened my chat window.
25:44Lana, I didn't know it was a hundred and thirty feet.
25:47I didn't read the mission brief carefully.
25:54I thought you could handle a hundred feet.
25:57Why didn't you tell me?
26:00Please, just send me one reply.
26:03Anything.
26:11This time, he got a response.
26:13He sat up straight.
26:15A single message appeared.
26:18If you had known it was a hundred and thirty feet,
26:21would you have chosen not to go to Chloe?
26:26Ethan stared at those words.
26:29He typed.
26:31I have stayed with you.
26:34But after typing it, he stopped.
26:37One by one, he deleted every letter.
26:40He couldn't lie to himself.
26:42Deep down, he had always been absolutely certain
26:45that my skills were good enough
26:47that I wouldn't die.
26:49So he would always,
26:50every time,
26:51choose to answer Chloe's tears.
26:55In the end,
26:57the phone slipped from his palm
26:58and fell onto the floor mat.
27:04Auckland, New Zealand.
27:06Coastal Survey Station.
27:11I sat in front of the data recorder,
27:13logging today's current readings into the system.
27:19No more diving,
27:20no more suffocation.
27:22No more waiting for someone to come save me.
27:27The ringing in my left ear still flared up sometimes,
27:31but I'd learned to coexist with it.
27:35A sharp metallic clink against the desk.
27:38A silver rescue whistle sat beside my keyboard.
27:42Around the mouthpiece,
27:44a faint ring of tiny teeth marks was still visible.
27:51Ollie pulled up the chair next to me.
27:56Lana,
27:57there's a guy downstairs looking for you.
27:59He's been standing out there for four hours.
28:02Says he's your dive partner.
28:08My fingers paused over the keyboard.
28:10Dive partner.
28:11What a distant,
28:13ironic word.
28:17Don't know him.
28:19Not interested.
28:20Tell security to get rid of him.
28:23He stood up and pointed at the rescue whistle.
28:30What about this?
28:33The whistle I had hung around his neck with my own hands.
28:36The one that meant I was putting my life in his.
28:40The one Ethan had put around another woman's neck.
28:45Throw it in the trash.
28:47The next day,
28:49Ollie came to my desk again.
28:51This time,
28:53he set down a clear plastic zip bag.
28:55Inside was a ceramic mug,
28:58painstakingly glued back together.
29:03Lana,
29:04he's still downstairs.
29:06He made me bring this up.
29:08Said he fixed it.
29:09I stared at the mug.
29:12He'd glued it back together,
29:14but a shattered cup.
29:16No matter how carefully you piece it,
29:18will always leak.
29:21I carried the bag to the trash.
29:23Just throw it away.
29:25Day three.
29:26A bottle of limited edition body lotion.
29:31Day four.
29:32A thick diving log book.
29:34Chronicling every single dive from our seven years as partners.
29:38Day five.
29:39A pair of custom diving rings.
29:44A strange atmosphere settled over the office.
29:49What day is this now?
29:50Thirteen.
29:52I heard he and Lana used to be partners.
29:55Coming all this way after her.
29:59Kind of heartbreaking.
30:01Heartbreaking?
30:03You all know what it means in coastal survey work.
30:05The weight of putting your back in someone else's hands.
30:11He's the one who did her wrong first.
30:14But he's burning up with a fever.
30:16Can barely stand.
30:18He's still staring up at this building.
30:24I tapped the final data entry into the keyboard.
30:28I'm going downstairs.
30:30The automatic doors slid open.
30:33Cold wind mixed with rain blew in.
30:36Ethan was leaning against the wall.
30:38His body trembling slightly.
30:41He'd lost a lot of weight.
30:42His eyes were sunken deep.
30:44The moment he saw me,
30:46a light sparked in his gaze.
30:51Lana.
30:52What do you want?
30:53He hesitated for a moment and asked.
30:56Your ear.
30:57Is it any better?
30:59It won't get better.
31:01Come back with me.
31:03Please.
31:05I've found the best ear specialist.
31:08We can get it treated.
31:11There is no treatment.
31:16I'm sorry.
31:18If I had just checked the mission depth that day.
31:21Ethan.
31:22A hundred feet or a hundred and thirty.
31:24It doesn't matter.
31:24The point isn't the depth.
31:27I spoke coldly.
31:30The point is
31:32that you weren't there.
31:35His breath caught.
31:40Being your dive partner is exhausting.
31:44I put my life in your hands.
31:46And you used it to make someone else feel special.
31:50I thought you could...
31:52He was cut off by me before he could finish speaking.
31:59You thought my skills were good enough.
32:01You thought I was independent.
32:10You thought nothing would ever happen to me.
32:19So every single time there was a choice, I was the one who got left behind.
32:25Ethan's voice spiked suddenly.
32:27So desperate his breathing came undone.
32:30Ethan.
32:31I never meant to abandon you!
32:33I already gave you thirteen.
32:36His lips parted as though he wanted to speak.
32:39Just then, the sharp clatter of high heels echoed across the floor.
32:45Ethan!
32:46Chloe Winters came running over and seized Ethan by the arm.
32:50Tears streaming down her face.
32:53I finally found you!
32:57Why didn't you answer my calls?
32:59Why did you disappear to New Zealand without saying a single word?
33:08Do you have any idea how worried I've been?
33:11Ethan's face went hard in an instant.
33:14He wrenched his arm free.
33:16Who told you to come here?
33:19Because I care about you!
33:23Chloe screamed through her tears.
33:29She won't even talk to you anymore.
33:31She got your diving cervix ernications revoked.
33:36Why are you still chasing after her?
33:40She spun around and glared at me.
33:43Lana Brooks, do you even have a heart?
33:47Ethan came all the way here for you.
33:50Stood in the rain for hours and hours.
33:55How can you treat him like this?
33:58Shut your mouth!
33:59Ethan stepped between me and Chloe.
34:01My business is none of yours.
34:04How can you say there's nothing between us?
34:07Ethan, I love you!
34:11She lifted her chin.
34:14You love me too.
34:18Don't you?
34:19Ethan's face changed completely.
34:22What the hell are you saying?
34:23I don't love you!
34:24I have never loved you!
34:27Chloe let out a bitter, broken laugh.
34:31You don't love me?
34:34Then why, when my leg cramped up,
34:37did you abandon her under the overpass
34:40and drove through the rain to get to me?
34:43You don't love me?
34:45Then why did you take her rescue whistle off your own neck
34:48and put it around mine?
34:50You don't love me?
34:54Then why did you leave her alone in the deep sea 13 times
34:58to come to the shallow end with me?
35:02With every word,
35:04Ethan's face went one shade paler.
35:07And my left ear,
35:09it felt like a steel needle had been driven in deep.
35:16I only helped you
35:17because you were so helpless.
35:20I pitied you.
35:22You gave me every bit of the devotion
35:25that belonged to your girlfriend.
35:27And now you're telling me it was just pity?
35:30Ethan stopped trying to reason with her.
35:33He turned to me, frantic.
35:35Lana, it wasn't like that.
35:37She's the one who got the wrong idea.
35:41You were the one
35:42who gave her room to get the wrong idea.
35:47And you crossed the line yourself.
35:49He had severed the oxygen line with his own hands.
35:53And now he was asking me if I needed help breathing.
35:58I don't care what you were thinking.
36:00And I don't care where your heart is.
36:03I won't interfere in your life.
36:05I looked him straight in the eyes.
36:08So please.
36:10Stop interfering in mine.
36:12I turned around and walked back upstairs.
36:15I didn't look back.
36:18After that day,
36:20Chloe went back home.
36:21But Ethan didn't leave.
36:23He rented a ground floor apartment
36:26in the building across from mine.
36:31If he pushed open his window,
36:33he could see the light in my kitchen.
36:38He stopped standing outside the office building every day.
36:43Instead, every morning,
36:45a paper bag appeared hanging from the handle of my workstation door.
36:51A cup of hot Americano to slices of whole wheat toast.
36:56No cheese.
36:59When I got off work,
37:01the sky was usually already dark.
37:04The survey station is at a remote port.
37:08The two-mile coastal road from the station to the bus stop has no streetlights.
37:14Walking home after dark,
37:16I always heard it,
37:17a faint footstep,
37:18trailing 10 or 15 yards behind me.
37:21When I stopped,
37:22the sound stopped.
37:24When I turned a corner,
37:25the sound followed.
37:26One night,
37:27a stray dog bolted out of nowhere
37:29and knocked on the trash can.
37:32The footsteps behind me scrambled out of rhythm.
37:35He ran forward a few steps,
37:37then stopped,
37:38five yards away.
37:40The dim glow of a street lamp fell across him.
37:43He was wearing a thin trench coat,
37:45clutching a long black umbrella.
37:48I looked at him.
37:49He took a step backward.
37:56I won't come close.
37:58His voice was shredded by the wind.
38:02The road's too dark.
38:04You can't see where you're stepping.
38:08I turned away and kept walking.
38:11December 24th,
38:12Christmas Eve.
38:13It doesn't really snow in New Zealand,
38:16but this year the temperature had dropped below freezing.
38:20I finished up at work,
38:22cleared my desk,
38:23and walked out of the station.
38:27I wrapped my scarf tighter
38:29and started down that pitch-black coastal road.
38:32The footsteps followed,
38:34as they always did.
38:39I reached my apartment building
38:41and pressed the buzzer.
38:47The footsteps behind me stopped at the edge of the street lamps glow.
38:53He stood there,
38:54his shoulders soaked through from the rain.
39:00Ethan Pierce.
39:04Here.
39:06How long are you going to follow me?
39:08His voice was hoarse.
39:10I'm not trying to bother you.
39:13I just,
39:13I just want to make sure you get home safe.
39:19It's cold out.
39:22I looked at his lips,
39:24tinged blue from the freezing air.
39:27Come inside.
39:30The living room lights were off.
39:32Only a single floor lamp was on.
39:36I walked into the kitchen,
39:38turned on the stove.
39:39I filled a pot with water
39:41and added some more cocoa powder.
39:43He sat on the edge of the couch,
39:46body rigid,
39:47hands clasped together.
39:48He didn't even dare lean back.
39:51Do you remember
39:53one Christmas Eve?
39:56Years ago?
39:57His voice came from behind me.
40:01That year we were in Iceland.
40:03We'd just surfaced from a dive,
40:05freezing.
40:06You said you wanted some hot cocoa.
40:09I went to three different stores
40:11and finally found cocoa.
40:14That night,
40:16we used to be this warm and sweet too.
40:19That day,
40:20he really did go to three different stores.
40:23But after he came back,
40:24he got a call from Chloe.
40:26She said she'd broken her leg
40:28at a ski resort.
40:30There was no one
40:31to take her to the hospital.
40:33He sat in the living room
40:35for a full hour
40:36on that long distance call,
40:38arranging hospitals,
40:40contacting friends,
40:42finding doctors.
40:44I watched the hot cocoa
40:46by my hand grow cold
40:48until a layer of white froth
40:50finally floated on top,
40:51utterly disgusting.
40:57In the end,
40:58I threw away that cup of hot cocoa.
41:05He only remembered going to three shops for it,
41:08but never knew I hadn't taken a single sip.
41:12I turned off the heat
41:14and poured the hot cocoa
41:15into a cup.
41:18He stared at the cup of hot cocoa.
41:20The veins on the back of his hands stood out.
41:26And then,
41:27without warning,
41:28tears began falling from his eyes.
41:34Lana.
41:36Drink.
41:39And after you're done,
41:41don't come back.
41:43He didn't speak.
41:45He finally understood.
41:46This wasn't a dinner of forgiveness.
41:49This was the final send-off.
41:52He picked up the cup,
41:54his hands trembling violently.
41:56Hot cocoa spilled all over him,
41:59yet he didn't even seem to notice.
42:02Tears fell one after another
42:04into the hot cocoa,
42:06onto the back of his hand.
42:10Everything you make,
42:12it's always been delicious.
42:15He coughing from the heat,
42:17tears and mucus running together.
42:20He was a complete,
42:22dignity-stripped wreck
42:23when he was done.
42:24He stood up.
42:28He pulled the door open,
42:30cold wind gusted
42:31into the living room.
42:35I'm sorry.
42:37Those were his final three words.
42:39He pulled the door shut.
42:42Heavy footsteps echoed
42:43down the hallway,
42:44fading,
42:45growing distant,
42:46until they disappeared completely.
42:49Outside the window,
42:51the cold New Zealand rain
42:52kept falling.
42:53I picked up the empty cup
42:55and walked into the kitchen.
42:57The stream of water
42:59washed over the ceramic surface,
43:01erasing every trace.
43:05Deep inside my left ear,
43:07the buzzing slowly,
43:09quietly began to fade.
43:11It stopped.
43:11Up in the boat.
43:16Whatever you gave,
43:19Conse established
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