00:00Your concern should be more centered on their souls than your hurts.
00:09If people are behaving in a manner that is toxic, the way you described,
00:14and you are part of that family, you should never break a relationship beyond repair
00:19because you never know the role God can use you to play to help them ultimately turn to Christ.
00:30Which is the real answer to these issues.
00:41Thank you so much, Brother Chris, for the word of encouragement today.
00:46I really learned a lot.
00:49So I do have a question.
00:52We have these extended families and you have some family members who are toxic.
00:58The example I can give is like my mom came from a different tribe
01:04and my father was from a different tribe.
01:06So she was not that welcome in the family.
01:11So we grew up like sidelined from the family.
01:18Both my parents now, they are no longer with us.
01:20So with all these things we grew up facing, I decided, because I know my mother went through a lot,
01:31us as children went through a lot, then I decided to disconnect myself from the extended family.
01:41Like, I don't hate them, but I don't want to be involved in what they do.
01:47I disconnected so that I don't want to keep myself getting hurt from what they do.
01:53So my question is that, will this be a wrong decision?
01:57Remember, when we talk about the standard of God, He not only is interested in actions,
02:06He's interested in intentions, motives.
02:11Okay?
02:12That is the deeper side of God's standard.
02:16The Bible is not just revealing the standards of do this, don't do this.
02:22You know, the moral laws of what is right, what is wrong, the Ten Commandments.
02:26Jesus took us to an even deeper level, to the hearts.
02:30Why?
02:31Why do you do what you do?
02:33What is the motivation?
02:37So, when it comes to dealing with, in the language you used, a toxic relationship in the family,
02:45what I can advise you, my sister, is this.
02:49Your concern should be more centered on their souls than your hurts.
02:58If people are behaving in a manner that is toxic, the way you described,
03:05and you are part of that family, you should never break a relationship beyond repair,
03:11because you never know the role God can use you to play to help them ultimately turn to Christ,
03:22which is the real answer to these issues.
03:25You may choose to distance yourself because of wisdom, but not because of bitterness,
03:36not because of a desire to avoid uncomfortable situations.
03:44There are times where it's wise to take a step back,
03:48and you can be in a relationship without having to emotionally engage and attach,
03:57but the bigger picture is always bigger than you.
04:03If you see people, irrespective of tribal backgrounds or differences in upbringings,
04:11you see people who are behaving in a manner which you can describe as toxic,
04:15what do those people truly need?
04:17They need Jesus.
04:19They need salvation.
04:21How can they know the way unless someone points to them?
04:25How can they know the way unless someone preaches to them?
04:30As a member of a family, God can use you as that voice.
04:35God can use you as that example.
04:37So, I would want you to prayerfully consider your stand.
04:44I'm not saying you should compromise your faith to please your family,
04:50but remember the bigger picture.
04:52If people are behaving in an ungodly way, in a persistent and consistent manner,
04:58the real issue is their soul, where will they go on the last day?
05:07When they leave this world, what will be their fates eternally?
05:12I think that has to be your number one priority.
05:16So, how can you be a voice of truth, a voice of hope, a voice of faith to family members?
05:22How can you do so in a way that still maintains a respectable distance and doesn't compromise your faith?
05:30This requires wisdom.
05:31And I'm not saying that's an easy thing to navigate.
05:34If we ask everyone here, I'm sure everyone connected to this service today, whether through Zoom or online,
05:42everyone, in one way or another, has some family-related challenges.
05:48How do I navigate this family member or this person's behavior?
05:53Do I distance myself?
05:54Do I stay close to them?
05:56Do I do this for the sake of tradition?
05:59Do I behave like this just because I'm from this family?
06:02Our primary identity lies in who we are spiritually, not who we are biologically.
06:11So, that means our relationship with God is at the top of the list.
06:18The truth is not subject to our traditions.
06:23Christ is not to be considered secondary to culture.
06:29No.
06:29So, God first.
06:32Then, if we are Christians seeking God, what is our concern?
06:37Things of eternity.
06:39If you see family members misbehaving, pray for them.
06:43And any opportunity you have to speak the truth to them in your words, by your actions, by your example,
06:52don't miss out on that opportunity just because of the fear of their response to it.
07:01Once again, motivation.
07:03Motivation.
07:04God looks at your hearts.
07:06Why are you disconnecting?
07:08You may disconnect for a period because of wisdom, but never break a relationship beyond repair because tomorrow is a
07:16mystery.
07:17The people that you are disconnecting from today may be the very people God uses you to bring to the
07:26knowledge of Christ's saving grace.
07:28And don't be surprised there may be the very same people who come to help you tomorrow.
07:34That's a mystery.
07:35That's a mystery.
07:36That's why we should never conclude that someone is beyond change.
07:42Oh, no, those people, they cannot change.
07:46No.
07:46Oh, that family member, you don't know him, brother.
07:49That one.
07:49Ah, no, no.
07:50He cannot change.
07:51There is no one who cannot change.
07:53Don't think that your sphere of influence is unimportant.
08:01As far as you are a member of that family, you have the potential to be a positive influence.
08:06So, prayerfully and carefully use that influence for the glory of God.
08:15If you are a Christian, you are equipped to not be ruled by such thoughts.
08:22You are equipped to overcome.
08:25Temptation will come, but you do not succumb.
08:29You overcome.
08:30That is what it means to be a Christian.
08:42You overcome.
08:42Oh, you overcome.
Comments