- 2 days ago
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00:29I'll be right back
00:46Good evening friends, thank you for tuning in.
00:48Look at all these links we've got tonight, look.
00:51Very busy old show.
00:53Okay, coming up tonight is a stand-up special.
00:56Stay tuned for Jack Whitehall.
00:58Don Friend, Steve Cougar and Harry Hill reveals the first joke he ever told.
01:07Plus, you'll find out later, plus Cape Fear star Patrick Wilson's on the show, best-selling
01:13author Dawn O'Porter and music from Haircut 100.
01:18But tonight we're celebrating the World Cup.
01:21With three footballing icons we have Peter Crouch, Emmanuel Petit and Jimmy Floyd Hasselbank.
01:26But who are we going to see first?
01:28Please can you release the footballs of fate?
01:30Yeah!
01:33One more, one more, one more.
01:35Gentle!
01:37Oh!
01:37So, it says here...
01:39Stop it!
01:41Emmanuel Petit!
01:42Yeah!
01:44Yeah!
01:46Yeah!
01:48Yeah!
01:50Yeah!
01:51Yeah!
01:51Yeah!
01:52Yeah!
01:53Yeah!
01:54How are you?
01:54Very good.
01:55Thank you for being here with us.
01:56Thank you for the invitation.
01:57Yeah!
01:58Well, you're very, very welcome.
01:59What was it like to score a goal in the World Cup Final for France?
02:10Very good memories.
02:12Every time I walk up in the street, you know, people stop me for that.
02:16You know, it's been almost 30 years.
02:17And it's like a tree that gives fruits every single time.
02:23And...
02:25How good is it?
02:26Yeah, but you don't know what kind of fruit, so...
02:30Very juicy.
02:31Yeah, not low-hanging fruit, that's for sure.
02:34Is it okay if we get a bit more French here?
02:36Yeah, sure.
02:36Okay, hang on a second.
02:38Oh, that's better!
02:44I'm scared.
02:45Are you going to propose me, you know, something, or...?
02:47I'm going to propose you!
02:50Manuel.
02:51Mm-hmm.
02:52Ooh.
02:53In your head, how did you think that England ate the ice against Croatia?
03:00J'ai rien compris, mais rien du tout à ce que vous avez dit.
03:04Donc, c'est pas français du tout ce que vous avez dit.
03:07Honnêtement, c'est...
03:09I don't know.
03:12Très bien, mes amis! Très bien!
03:15Oh!
03:16Oh!
03:17Oh, René!
03:17Yeah!
03:18Yeah, bolet de douche!
03:20Okay.
03:20Right now, please welcome the first star of our stand-up section.
03:25Yeah!
03:26Our stand-up special, some say.
03:27His new movie, Virginia Woolf's Night and Day, is out today.
03:31He's a man who never fails to enthrall.
03:33It's the hilarious Jag Whitehall!
03:35Yeah!
03:37Jack!
03:38Jack!
03:39Jack!
03:40Jack!
03:42Jack!
03:43All right, okay, okay.
03:45New movie out again.
03:47How many movies you made now?
03:49A couple.
03:50Oh, come on.
03:51But this is a very sort of, you know, highbrow worthy one.
03:54Oh, here we go.
03:54Virginia Woolf's Night and Day.
03:56She's a writer.
03:58She is a writer.
03:59Virginia Woolf, yeah.
04:00Nice and day.
04:00Big wolf head, aren't you?
04:02Virginia Woolf, Night and Day, out this Friday.
04:04Who'd you play?
04:05What happens that you can tell us about?
04:07A few things, a couple of spoilers in there.
04:10Where did you film it?
04:11All the fun stuff about Newcastle.
04:12Oh, yeah.
04:13Yeah.
04:13I play William Rodney.
04:14He's a bit of a twerp.
04:16He's posh.
04:16Yes.
04:17Very much within my wheelhouse.
04:20Yeah, it's a sort of unromantic comedy.
04:22It's got a great ensemble cast.
04:24Hayley Bennett, the wonderful Timothy Spall.
04:27Yeah.
04:27Jennifer Saunders.
04:28Everybody's great in it, aren't they?
04:29Everyone's so great.
04:30I love the fact you describe it as an unromantic comedy.
04:32Because it is about romance, but it's not romantic.
04:35Well, it's not romantic because I am the romantic lead.
04:38Yeah, but your character is the romantic lead.
04:42And her, you know, love interest.
04:44But there's very little interest because I play a very unappealing man.
04:48Yeah.
04:48Which was a stretch.
04:50I'm sure.
04:51Well, the congratulations are getting there.
04:53And he knows he's unappealing, which in itself is actually appealing.
04:57Yes.
04:57Or, yeah, well, you would think that on some level it would be.
05:01He's quite sweet and he means well, but he's like a terrible poet.
05:04And he's a really bad poet.
05:06Yes.
05:06He's got no riz, as the kids would say.
05:09Yeah.
05:09He's got zero riz.
05:10Yes.
05:10However, having said that.
05:11Or a black spot.
05:12He's got a spark.
05:14He's got a sparkle in his eye for another lady.
05:16That does come across.
05:17Yes.
05:17There is.
05:18He finds the one person that sees him the way he wants to be seen.
05:22Yeah.
05:22And likes his terrible poetry.
05:24Yeah.
05:24And that's all we need at the end of the day.
05:26That's all we need at the end of the day.
05:26You just need one person that laughs at your jokes.
05:29Actor versus comedian.
05:31Yeah.
05:31You started off acting.
05:32Yeah.
05:33You became a stand up by accident in the middle of an Edinburgh sketch show
05:37that wasn't doing what you wanted it to do.
05:41Yeah.
05:41So you just started.
05:42Did you panic?
05:43No, no.
05:44It wasn't panic.
05:45It was just, I was doing a sketch show because I just really wanted to go up to the Edinburgh
05:48Festival and I really wanted to be up there doing comedy.
05:51And I did a sketch show with my friends and I was like, maybe I could just do some stand
05:55up in the middle of it.
05:56So just in the middle of a sketch show, having never done any stand up, I came out on stage
06:00and did 10 minute routine of stand up, which a critic described as Jack Whitehall doing
06:05an impression of what he thinks a stand up is.
06:10I quite like that though.
06:12Yeah.
06:13Because then you didn't care about criticism because you never had it before.
06:16No, no, no.
06:16I was like one star.
06:18That's unbelievable.
06:19That's amazing.
06:20You've got a whole star.
06:21No stars.
06:22Yeah.
06:22And stars are in the sky and I've got one of them against my, and there's four other
06:26stars that I could get.
06:27Yeah.
06:28What was the next star review that you remember from one star?
06:31Well, I've always said, I have got five stars from the Guardian.
06:36It's just been over the course of 10 years.
06:39The last time I saw you on the TV was at the European Champions League final.
06:43Yeah, yeah, yeah.
06:43Hosting a really fancy thing.
06:45Yes.
06:46With Sir David Beckham.
06:47Yes.
06:48What was that for people who didn't see it?
06:50It was in a box with Mick Jagger, Ross from Friends and Romeo Beckham in an Arsenal shirt.
06:56In front of all of the PSG fans who had spotted that we were Arsenal fans and were just giving
07:01us dogs abuse, like chanting and like, some of them were getting quite threatening as well.
07:06To like Mick Jagger in French.
07:08Yeah.
07:08Like calling him out.
07:09I was like, okay, right.
07:10Chill out.
07:10So who was understanding the French or was it pretty root one French?
07:14I think there were some physical gestures that sort of helped you along the way of what
07:19the intention was behind.
07:25FSL?
07:26The British sign language.
07:27It was different to American sign language.
07:28Yes.
07:28Well, how thoughtful of them.
07:29It was very, it was very thoughtful.
07:30Just in case you don't know what we're saying.
07:32Yeah, yeah, yeah.
07:34But it was quite, it was a, I would say a pretty hostile environment and not.
07:39Or whatever French for hostile.
07:40Yeah.
07:42Hostile.
07:42Hostile.
07:42Hostile.
07:43And so we watched the game like that.
07:46And then, yeah, they said, oh, you're going to come on and talk to them for 10 minutes
07:49in the studio.
07:50Them.
07:50And they tapped me on the shoulder just as they gave, Arsenal gave away the penalty.
07:54And then they were micing me up and PSG scored and they went, okay, go on, lots of
07:59energy.
07:59And they just pushed me out onto live television.
08:01And it was, it was a fantastic set up, wasn't it?
08:04Yeah.
08:04Because it was open.
08:05It was in the stands.
08:06You were open.
08:06You weren't behind a glass.
08:08Yeah.
08:08And there was Stills and there was Beckham.
08:10And then I saw Jagger and Zinedine Zidane.
08:12And it's been wonderful.
08:13What happened?
08:14Because I didn't, forgive me.
08:15I was watching the game.
08:16Yes, of course.
08:17Yeah.
08:17Well, also I was watching the game and was really, really into it.
08:21So I don't think I gave the best account of myself as a pundit.
08:24Right.
08:24And what did some Mick Jagger say?
08:25I just always, and I always get convinced into doing these types of things where they ask
08:30you into the sort of football adjacent world.
08:32And I think, you know.
08:33It doesn't take much convincing to be flown out to the European Champions
08:36League final watching David Beckham and Mick Jagger.
08:37For sure.
08:38For sure.
08:38For sure.
08:39But punditry is much harder than it looks.
08:41And I think I just.
08:42How would you know?
08:43I genuinely just go, if Jamie Redknapp can do it.
08:47And then I do it and I'm like, actually, no, it is quite hard to say stuff in an eloquent
08:51way.
08:52Yes.
08:53You wrote my favourite joke of the last five years.
08:55It was in the Brits.
08:56It wasn't the Brits you've just done.
08:57Congratulations, by the way.
08:58And all your Brits, they're fantastic.
08:59And they're not easy at all.
09:02My favourite joke ever was, you said something, Jack said something.
09:06And he said, you should have seen the look on Simon Cowell's latest face.
09:11Where were you when you came up with that line?
09:13Because that's just.
09:15It's just.
09:15Also, I don't think he's going to mind that kind of joke.
09:18I don't know.
09:19Even if he did, you wouldn't.
09:21No, no.
09:21Well, let's presume, hope and pray that he didn't.
09:25No.
09:25Because it was such a funny, it's just, that is such a funny joke.
09:29And is that over a cup of coffee?
09:31Is that a cup of tea?
09:32Are you on the loo?
09:33Because it's ITV, I always want to, like, have stray bullets at as many ITV names as
09:39possible.
09:40Right.
09:40Just because.
09:41A friendly roast.
09:42Yeah, a friendly roast.
09:43But I enjoy just, like, seeing the sort of ITV execs of the lawyers, like, wincing.
09:48Yeah.
09:49When it's an ITV name.
09:50Right.
09:51So in a way you're thinking, they're not going to let me do that.
09:53Yeah, exactly.
09:54Yeah, yeah.
09:55Well, and also, yeah, I do a dummy script.
09:57Do you?
09:57So I don't tell them about a lot of them and then just, like, chuck them in on the night,
10:01which is fun.
10:01Surely they know that by now.
10:03Yes, they have gotten onto it, to be fair.
10:05Jack, is this the actual, is this the dummy or is this the real script?
10:08Yeah.
10:09A quick chat about the World Cup before you go.
10:12Yeah.
10:12What's, are you going out there?
10:14Would you do that?
10:15Yeah, I'm going to try.
10:16But, you know, I mean, I put out a few feelers.
10:19All right.
10:19I love that you were like, David Beckham texted you, he was like, do you want to come over
10:22here?
10:22I was sliding into his DMs the minute we got into the final.
10:26Really?
10:26I absolutely love a corporate freebie and I am shameless.
10:31But Corden's out there as well doing his World Cup show.
10:33Is he?
10:34So I can, there's another, there's another backside I can creep up if I want to get to the World
10:40Cup.
10:40That's been Jerry Whitehall.
10:41Yeah.
10:43All right.
10:44Shall we keep the last on our stand-up special coming?
10:46No.
10:48No.
10:48What's the point?
10:49No.
10:49No.
10:49What do you mean no?
10:50No.
10:52No.
10:52No.
10:52No.
10:53No.
10:55No.
10:56No.
10:56No.
10:56Non-fties!
10:56No!
10:58No!
11:02Oh!
11:12No!
11:14Oh!
11:16My God!
11:17What are they DOING!
11:18How are you, darling?
11:20Sit down.
11:20Do they do those in the house?
11:22Scottie Pisленos.
11:23Who are you, darling?
11:24Yes.
11:24That's amazing.
11:24You're amazing. If I could get my head that close to my fru, I wouldn't leave home, frankly.
11:32Good point, well made. Didn't cross my mind.
11:35Right, Dawn French, According to Yes, it's a novel.
11:38It's not a biography, it's a novel. It's a proper book, everybody.
11:41It is. Yeah. And it's the third one.
11:43Dawn, what does this book say about you?
11:46Well, I've been very open in this book, Christopher.
11:49Yes? Yes, it's about a woman, a Cornish woman,
11:51who goes to America and decides to change her life entirely
11:55and live according to Yes.
11:57So she decides to say yes to many more things than she's ever said before.
12:01So that's what he says about you, sort of, because there's a lot of you in it.
12:03Yes, there is, in a way there is, because I am doing that much more in my life these days,
12:08that is true.
12:08And you're very happy, you can tell you're so happy.
12:10You've been happy before, but you're really happy.
12:12I'm really happy, it's true.
12:14And what do you want it to say to other people, this book?
12:16Well, this book represents a lot of hope.
12:18Yes. That's what it does.
12:19It's about love, and it's about hope, and it's also about source.
12:24It is a bit source, isn't it? It is.
12:26There are scenes in there that I got a little bit hot writing.
12:29And, and you, look at you again, beaming, just thinking about those scenes.
12:32Now, I think it's quite weird, because you are extraordinarily happy, but you're writing quite dark.
12:38So does that mean that when you were goofing around, you were really unhappy?
12:41No, it doesn't mean that at all.
12:42Come on. It's just where you get grown up enough to be able to do it, I guess.
12:45Yeah? Yeah, and I'm 58 now.
12:47She's not 58. No!
12:49I'm 58!
12:53Impossible!
12:54That can't be true!
12:56I tell you, I've actually even worked out exactly how many minutes I'm.
13:00I'm 30 million minutes old.
13:02No, that's just the name of your tour.
13:04No, no, but that's how old I am, it's true.
13:06And it is the name of your tour.
13:07It is the name of your tour.
13:07Thank you very much.
13:08Now listen, you're very big in Australia, and you're taking your tour to Australia.
13:11I am.
13:12This show, for the first time ever, is being shown in Australia.
13:15Oh, okay.
13:16And they're showing, guess when Australia is showing TFI Friday?
13:19On a Thursday!
13:20Yay!
13:22By the way, thank you Australia for watching.
13:24Yes.
13:24Have you got some tips?
13:25How do we capture the Australian audience?
13:28Well, obviously you need to be upside down.
13:29Yeah.
13:30You've already done that.
13:31We've done that.
13:31Very good.
13:33Attractive fruit.
13:35Oh!
13:36Yeah, do you know, Australians are up for anything, to be honest.
13:39They're game.
13:40Okay, well Australia, we are very glad to be with you.
13:43Now Dawn, I want to show you one more time, but I want to show it when loads and loads
13:46of
13:46people are watching.
13:47Now I've just been told that the EastEnders bit, EastEnders has just finished on BBC One,
13:52so we could pick up a load of viewers now.
13:54Yes.
13:54If we bring back from last week, the cute puppies!
13:57Come on!
13:59Yeah!
14:00Yeah!
14:02Yeah, yeah, yeah!
14:06Yeah, yeah!
14:06I guess that...
14:08Okay.
14:09Yeah!
14:11Yeah!
14:12Yeah!
14:12But...
14:14Can they be beaten?
14:16Can the reigning champions of cuteness be beaten?
14:19By, first of all...
14:21Shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh...
14:22Shafi, eight months old, a baby, Yeah.
14:25Dressed up as a sprig of broccoli wearing Dolce & Gale
14:27Gabbana sunglasses
14:46Well, you know, almost wearing Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses
14:51The puppies the puppies though I still sense they're winning so how about we bring on seven-month-old Piper
14:56Dressed as a pot of peas wearing Ray-Ban sunglasses
14:59I still sense the puppies are edging it so so how about we bring on six-month-old
15:20Rory dressed as a carrot and now how he feels wearing Marc Jacobs
15:28I'm having such flashbacks
15:39So it's not just not just the one kid in designer sunglasses dressed as a vegetable
15:44Yeah, it's all three kids against the puppies right? Yeah, what's cutest will will the puppies well hang on?
15:51Let me tell you about the puppies. They're not the same puppies as last week. They've been sold
15:56But they are puppies however, so yeah, well, obviously I love a baby
16:01But honestly the puppy's been again you want to kiss a puppy on the lips
16:04All right, there's your book okay the puppies have done it again
16:09Still to come on our stand of special Steve Cougar and the first joke Harry Hill ever told
16:18Plus more guests Dawn O'Porter, Pete's Crouch and Patrick Wilson
16:21And now taking the break it's texas with halo
16:25Yeah
16:26She hasn't had me long
16:30Really do adore her
16:32But she hasn't had me long
16:37Can we touch her
16:42She
16:45Believes in her breakfast
16:49And she
16:53Believes in her breakfast
16:55And she
16:58Believes in her face
17:03But she hasn't had me long
17:08Welcome back to TFI Unplugged
17:11Yeah!
17:13Still to come on our stand-up special Steve Cougar
17:15Hooray!
17:16Hooray!
17:17And the first joke Harry Hill ever told
17:20Hooray!
17:20Now we've already had Emmanuel Petit
17:22All right, who are we going to see next?
17:23Are we going to hear from Peter Crouch or Jimmy Floyd Hasselbank?
17:26Release the random balls of fate
17:27Hooray!
17:30Hooray!
17:31Hooray!
17:33Hooray!
17:33Hooray!
17:34Hooray!
17:35Hooray!
17:38Crouchy, what are you doing to me?
17:40I've no real idea but you know what I never went on TFI Fridays and I'm a massive fan of
17:45that
17:45Crouchy, this is so unexpected
17:47What are we doing here?
17:49What is this about exactly?
17:51Well, no idea whatsoever
17:52Like, I went up...
17:56You know, I was told that I'm here
17:58Like, listen, I'll do anything for you Chris, you know that
18:01I went up in a pair of pants today in the middle of California over a vineyard which was absolutely
18:06amazing
18:07I've been out here for five days during the World Cup
18:09I got told to wake up at five o'clock, I went up on a hot air balloon, pair of
18:14pants for two hours
18:18And did you record a podcast?
18:20Did my usual podcast that we do but we just did it for 2,000 foot in the air in
18:25a pair of pants
18:28And did it add to the podcast?
18:32Well, I'm just, I just don't know who I am anymore to be honest Chris
18:36I realised that obviously like it was seven foot was the, where all the hot air goes, where the fire
18:42was
18:42So I had to go on my knees, which is quite embarrassing really
18:47Because obviously I was, you know, I'm quite proud of my hair at 45 and I didn't want to lose
18:52it all
18:53So yeah, I did the whole thing on my knees
18:55Alright, seeing as we've got you on, Bucky's favourite is Spain, what do you think?
18:59France for me, I don't want to say England
19:03I've got a sneaking suspicion but I don't like saying it and I won't certainly say it on your show
19:08But we have a chance, we really do but France for me
19:12You just said it
19:13Well, no, we have a chance is what I'm saying
19:16I'm not saying, I'm never going to say we're going to win it
19:18Okay
19:19But because everyone hates us for saying it's coming home
19:23So I'm not saying that either but I just have
19:24Alright Pete, are you going to get some sleep now?
19:28Oh, that's exactly what I want to do
19:31I'm just, I'm not hoping to God this is finishing now
19:34Right, sorry, sorry, no it really is finishing
19:38Thanks so much, that's a sweet thing for you to say to him
19:41It's been an absolute pleasure
19:42Peter Crouch, live from Los Angeles
19:44Neither of us know quite why but it was fun
19:47Cheers Peter, thank you
19:48Love every moment
19:51Oh right, as I'm still sitting down, how about some more stand-up
19:54Please welcome the one, the only Steve Kogan everybody
19:57Steve
19:58CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
20:01Stefano, yes?
20:02Chris, I've got another too-good-not-to-be-on-TV act for you
20:05Do you really?
20:06Yes I do
20:07Can we, can I, can I, do you mind?
20:08Absolutely, be my guest
20:09Yeah, well I am your guest
20:10You are my guest, that's right
20:11So, please welcome the amazing tandem yo-yo talents
20:15Of promotional pen salesman, grandad and pensioner
20:18All the way from Fleet, Fleet in Hampshire
20:22It's none other than, of course, who else?
20:25Clive Collins
20:25Clive Collins!
20:27CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
20:28Come on, Clive
20:29CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
20:35CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
20:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
20:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
20:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
20:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
20:59Get that man a drink, Clive, thank you so much
21:01Clive Collins, everybody
21:05CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
21:06What do you want?
21:07Clive, what do you want?
21:07Champagne or beer, what do you want?
21:09Erm, I'll have both
21:10Have both, what the heck
21:11OK
21:12Too Good Not To Be On TV
21:13Erm, Steve, you can do loads of those, can't you?
21:16What, yo-yo tricks?
21:17No, you can do loads of
21:18Too Good Not To Be On TV
21:19All right, yeah, I could, yeah
21:20Could you play your throat for me?
21:21Go on
21:21What, that?
21:22Yeah, go on
21:28I can do popcorn, though
21:29It is going to make it up
21:30That's, that's OK
21:32That's OK
21:32Erm, could you do, please
21:34Too Good Not To Be On TV
21:36Why don't you do the thing?
21:37Did I imagine this?
21:38Or did you once used to do a thing
21:40Where you would, erm, sort of
21:42Act out overdubbing in foreign movies?
21:44Yeah, I can do that
21:45Which is, er
21:46OK, those foreign movies
21:47Where they go
21:47Hey, you
21:49Sand my horse
21:52It's crazy
21:52Your voice doesn't suit you at all
21:54And when you get angry
21:55It's like this
21:56OK
21:57So I didn't
21:59Go on
21:59I can do
22:00I can do
22:02I can do
22:03I can do
22:03A bottle of
22:04Prosecco being opened and poured
22:06Are you sure you want to do that?
22:07Yeah
22:07Yeah, I can
22:08So it's the only thing I can do these days
22:09Exactly, exactly
22:10Exactly, exactly
22:20Very good
22:21Very good
22:21Very good
22:23Very good
22:23Very good
22:23Very good
22:23Very good
22:23Very good
22:23Can you please do
22:24And I promise I'll stop after this
22:26Er, can you please do your Stephen Hawking voice, please?
22:29The
22:30Er, well, OK
22:31Um
22:32You're crap then you know you are
22:34You're
22:36The universe is very large
22:39It's so good
22:40You're so good
22:41Um
22:43Right
22:43We have a book
22:44It's called
22:45Easily Distracted
22:46I've been gripped
22:47I've been
22:47Glued to this book over the last couple of weeks
22:49Absolutely fantastic
22:50It's honest
22:50It's candid
22:51It's revealing
22:52You admit a lot of things
22:53It talks about excess
22:54And now
22:56Abstinence
22:56Yeah, abstinence
22:57Woo! Abstinence
22:58Yeah
22:59Yeah
23:00Was there a moment, my friend?
23:03Yeah, there was
23:03There were many moments before
23:04There were many moments
23:05Many moments before
23:06I had a lot of fun drinking
23:08And having
23:08And doing other things associated with drinking
23:10Er, but er
23:11Yeah, there comes a point where you go
23:13Well, you know
23:14I had to draw a line there
23:15And er, it was a couple of years ago
23:17Er
23:17Well, actually, I stopped drinking when I did
23:20Er, Partridge film
23:21And Philomena
23:21And then when I did the trip to Italy
23:23Yes
23:23I thought I might as well start drinking again
23:25Right
23:25Because Rob Brydon was giving me free drinks
23:27So
23:27Er, and then that
23:29Then that
23:29And that was fun for a while
23:30And then of course I ended up in a skip
23:32With er
23:33With my underpants on my head
23:34At 4am
23:35Yeah
23:35That wasn't it, was that actually?
23:37It wasn't literally that
23:38But it was something, metaphorically something like that
23:40Metaphorically thinking
23:40Okay
23:41And so then I just thought, you know, I've got to stop
23:44You know
23:44Well, how did all this balance up with your 50th birthday two days ago?
23:50How much fun was that?
23:52Er, well, we had a little party the other night
23:55Where everyone else got drunk and I just watched them
23:57Yeah
23:58How was that for you?
24:00It's funny because I drink vicariously through other people
24:02I just grab their heads and pour drink down their necks
24:04Okay
24:04And did you, obviously, did you go home earlier than them?
24:07Is it true that, you know
24:08It's fun for a while until people start going
24:10I love you
24:11I love you, Chris
24:12Yeah
24:12And then you go, I know you do
24:13You know
24:14And then you think, it's time to go home
24:16But the big party is on Saturday
24:19That's a real big one
24:20And there's going to be lots of shenanigans there
24:23Okay, alright, but life is different now
24:25Life's different, but it's fun
24:26You know, you can look at all these people going
24:27How can you have fun and not drink?
24:29It's possible
24:30No, of course not
24:30The Scrabble
24:33Kaplunk
24:34Yeah
24:35And you share your...
24:36That's the metaphor by Kaplunk
24:37Okay, you share your birthday with Sir Cliff Richard
24:39I do, indeed, and Sir Roger Moore
24:41Yeah, I know, well, let's talk about Cliff first
24:43Okay
24:43He was 75 the other night
24:45He had a concert at the Albert Hall
24:47And I was lucky enough to go to this concert
24:48And he had, like, loads of people
24:50Wishing him happy birthday
24:51All his friends
24:52And we told him about this
24:53So, Sir Cliff has wished you happy birthday
24:55Watch this over here
24:56Send this today
24:57Steve, hi, it's Cliff Richard here
24:59And I just wanted to take the opportunity to say hi
25:01And wish you a happy birthday
25:02You know, it doesn't really matter
25:03It seems to me that you didn't
25:04It doesn't matter whether you're a president or a king
25:06Or a queen
25:07Or a prime minister or a president
25:10All of us like to be remembered and loved
25:12On that very special day that we entered this planet
25:15So, Steve, I'm sure you need to know that everybody loves you
25:19And they do
25:20So I join the gang and say happy birthday
25:22Have a wonderful time
25:23And may there be many, many more of them
25:33And happy birthday to you too, Cliff
25:35There you go, good
25:37We thought we'd do something to get through a few stories with you
25:40But we are tied for time
25:41I mean, we can't overrun ever again, apparently
25:43But we thought we'd give out an award for the best person in your book
25:46Okay, so nominations are the Pope on page 42
25:49Why is he there?
25:50He's there because I went to see him with Philomena
25:52He didn't want to talk about Philomena
25:54He just wanted to talk about Alan Partridge
25:55He loves Alan
25:57Bono's on page 45, he's another nominee
25:59He was good, he was great, Bono's great
26:01He was very nice to Philomena, he danced with Philomena
26:03That was great, yeah
26:04And Morrissey's on page 126
26:06And you weren't famous when you met Morrissey
26:08No, no, he just, I said I was from Manchester
26:10He went, oh, he buy gum
26:12And bought you a drink
26:13He did buy me a drink, he bought me a pint
26:15Okay, and your last nominee
26:17Sir Roger Moore pays 314
26:20Well, Roger Moore was supposed to be on Alan Partridge
26:23As a joke
26:24And his father thought he was genuinely supposed to be on the Alan Partridge show
26:28And Roger had to explain to his father that it was a satire
26:33But his dad really thought it existed
26:34But the thing about Bono
26:36Was when we were in America, Philomena
26:39Didn't know what the edge was called
26:41And ended up calling her the egg
26:42Oh really?
26:44We won't tell him that
26:45Okay, the winner by the way
26:46Best person in your book
26:47According to our committee
26:48A very qualified committee
26:50Is Sir Roger Moore
26:51There he goes
26:52Thank you
26:53Thank you
26:55Now, of course he's not here tonight to accept the award
26:56However, we can join him via satellite
26:58Sir Roger Moore
27:00Knowing me, Roger Moore
27:03Knowing you, Steve Coon
27:07I'm sorry I can't be with you on this very special evening
27:11But you see I'm otherwise exposed
27:15I mean otherwise engaged
27:16I do beg your pardon
27:20Anyway, I want you to remember, Steve
27:22That I'm still the number one Bond
27:24When it comes to minutes in screen time
27:26Of course
27:33And he has signed his Bond on Bond book as a birthday present
27:37How cool is that?
27:38Fantastic
27:38Yeah, not a grey hair on his head
27:41Don't talk about that
27:42Okay, a very happy Steve Coogan
27:44Yay!
27:45Hopefully
27:45Happy
27:46It'll be a bad day
27:47Don't go anywhere
27:48Who did that?
27:49OK, our next band now
27:50Is Whee!
27:52Whee!
27:57Whee!
27:58Whee!
27:59Whee!
27:59Whee!
27:59Whee!
27:59What?
28:00I'll tell you what we haven't done for a week
28:01You know what, everything?
28:04TFI trumps
28:05Whee!
28:07OK, are you ready?
28:08This is good
28:09Will appears on This Morning
28:11Oh
28:13But is told exactly what to say by me
28:15Well I've got Jarvis Cocker throws himself out the window
28:22Oh
28:24Fun factor for mine
28:25Will appearing on This Morning but being told what to say by me
28:28Exactly what to say by me
28:29Fun factor 92
28:30Oh hey
28:3180...
28:3183
28:32Yay!
28:34Roll the tape
28:35It's good to see you
28:36Thank you very much, lovely to be here
28:38Lots of questions, lots and lots of questions
28:39Now the wheel bit, right
28:41That happens in the streets, doesn't it?
28:43Unfortunately it does, yes
28:44On buses and the tube and all the rest of it
28:45It does
28:46Is it getting to you?
28:47Because it would get to me
28:48And you're not even called Will
28:49And you're not even called Will
28:50I'm not even called Will
28:51No
28:52Is your niece in the top 100?
28:53Yes, I was going to say
28:54That you're in Britain's top 100 punks
28:57Are you in there?
28:59Are you in there?
28:59No
29:00You should be
29:02Should be
29:03I'm going to go for Ainsley Harriot playing The Spoons
29:05Ooh
29:06Pretty good but I've got you sing Suburbia with Neil Tennant at this desk
29:13Oh
29:15Just let's play that
29:16Yeah, sure
29:16Yes
29:17Okay
29:18Let's take a ride
29:20And run with the dogs tonight
29:23In Suburbia
29:25You can hide
29:28Run with the dogs tonight
29:30In Suburbia
29:33Oh
29:33Okay
29:34Well
29:38Listen
29:39Listen
29:40Listen
29:40You can't buy a ticket for this show
29:42You can't buy a ticket
29:45How great is Neil Tennant?
29:46How great are the pet shop boys?
29:47He's the best
29:48Oh my gosh
29:49Thank you Will
29:49Thank you
29:50My pleasure
29:56Seriously guys, stop that now
29:58It's not funny
29:59God bless that woman
30:00Right, still to come
30:01Jimmy Floyd
30:02Hasselbank, Dorno Porter
30:03Kate Fizz
30:03Patrick Wilson and Haircut 100 playing for us
30:06Yay
30:07But first, taking us into the break with If You Tolerate This Your Children Will Be Next
30:11Please welcome the Manic Street Breachers
30:13Also, if You Tolerate This Your Children Will Be Next
30:21If You Tolerate This Your Children Will Be Next
30:30Can Be Next
30:32Come on
30:36And If You Tolerate This Then Your Children Will Be Next
30:46And if you don't like this
30:49And your children will be next
30:52Will be next, will be next
30:54Will be next
30:58Welcome back to TFI Unplugged!
31:03We are celebrating the World Cup, why wouldn't we be?
31:05You've already seen Emmanuel Petit, you've heard from Peter Crouch
31:08There's only Jimmy Floyd Hasselbank left
31:10But hey, let's release the balls of fate anyhow
31:20Hey Jimmy, how are you mate?
31:23Very nice to meet you, oh my gosh
31:27This is so exciting
31:29Have you done that before?
31:29Yeah, I've done it a couple of times before, yeah, running out of road
31:32We're recording this, England will have played
31:34Yes
31:36So we're now going to just, we're going to fake it till we make it
31:38So I'm going to ask you now
31:41I'm going to presume that England won
31:43Tonight
31:43England is going to win
31:44Okay
31:45Well we're going to presume they have won
31:47And then I'm going to say, well they won
31:49What did you think their strengths were?
31:51What do you think their weaknesses were?
31:52We're completely going to lie, alright?
31:53Okay
31:55So Jimmy, what a win for England on Wednesday
32:00Thoughts on the game?
32:02I thought Harry Kane was absolutely magnificent
32:05He scored a hat-trick
32:08He scored a hat-trick
32:09And I think we need to work a little bit harder in the transition
32:15But everything else was absolutely magnificent
32:18Thank you
32:20Perfect, alright
32:21Now we're going to presume that England drew, alright?
32:24So England could only manage to draw against Croatia Wednesday night
32:27Your thoughts on that please, Jimmy?
32:29Harry Kane was absolutely magnificent as well
32:31He scored two goals
32:33But England let two goals in
32:36And we should defend a little bit better
32:38Yeah
32:39So yeah, I mean Jordan Pickford
32:41You know, I mean he played well though, yeah?
32:44Jordan Pickford played well
32:45But he could not stop those goals going in
32:49However many there were
32:50And whoever scored them
32:52Right, okay, take three
32:54Obviously it's not been a great week for England fans
32:57You know, beaten in the first game by Croatia
33:00Thoughts please, Jimmy?
33:03Unfortunately, Harry missed two chances
33:05Should have scored
33:09And they scored a lucky 1-0 Croatia
33:11I know, gosh
33:13Yeah, but up to the next one
33:15Oh, yeah, okay
33:19You're just being childish now
33:20Come on guys
33:22Our next guest is an amazingly awesome actor
33:25And he can do everything
33:26He's been responsible for some of the scariest scenes on the big screen
33:29He's a song and dance fan
33:30He's a producer
33:30He's a writer
33:31He's a great guy
33:32Please welcome a man with a talent hat-trick
33:34It is Patrick Wilson
33:49Can you guys come on the plane with me?
33:51Yeah, of course
33:52This is fantastic
33:52Try and stop us
33:53This is great
33:54First of all, tell us, Patrick
33:55About how unexcited New York is
33:59We're just concerned about traffic
34:01That's every bit of this problem
34:02Traffic, traffic
34:02We'll get on to, okay, for in a second or two
34:05Because the most sort of showed clips
34:08Are you and Javier sort of having a workout off
34:11I can't say Javier
34:25Javier
34:27Oh gosh
34:27Because
34:29Let's talk about it now
34:30We'll talk about other stuff in a moment
34:31Sure
34:31So we've had two cinematic iterations of Cape Fear
34:34Yeah
34:34And now this genius
34:35Who's brought it to Apple?
34:37Who's the guy?
34:38Nick Antosca
34:39Yeah
34:39I mean, the stuff he's got going on
34:41Amazing
34:41And the extra bits
34:42It's ten one hours-ish, isn't it?
34:44Yeah, yeah
34:44Ten episodes
34:45For sure
34:45And what do you want to say about episode one
34:48For people who haven't seen it?
34:49Oh boy
34:49Get ready
34:50Get ready, buckle up, man
34:52It kind of hits you right from the
34:53Yeah, and you were there
34:55Because you're in it
34:56Yeah, yeah
34:56I am
34:57That's why I'm here
34:59No, it was
35:00It was
35:01It's awesome
35:02It's quite a
35:03It's quite a ride
35:04Yeah
35:05And I think having
35:05When you've got ten episodes to tell a story
35:07Then you can really get into other storylines
35:10And they really
35:10They really
35:11You know, because between De Niro playing Max Cady
35:14And in the 62 version
35:16Robert Mitchum played him
35:19So it's been a pretty
35:20One of those roles
35:21Certainly for me
35:21Seeing the movie early on
35:23You know, De Niro's performance was incredible
35:25It's physicality
35:26So
35:26But they really catered this to Javier
35:28Which is awesome
35:29Yeah
35:29So his whole backstory and everything
35:31Kind of embraces him
35:31And this really puts flesh on the bone
35:33Of that statement
35:34It doesn't have to be bad to be better
35:35Because let's face it
35:36Oh yeah
35:36Those two movies were all right
35:38No, they're fantastic
35:38I mean, and also
35:39It's like you're not gonna
35:40Like, why redo something
35:42Just for the sake of like
35:43Well, it's a good movie
35:45Let's redo it
35:45Like, that's a terrible idea
35:46So I think
35:47This is more about
35:48Continuing the legacy
35:49And having 10 hours to do it
35:50Obviously, we make our own story
35:53Yeah, and you've got previous
35:54With this kind of idea
35:55Because of Fargo
35:56Yeah, that's right
35:57Steven Spielberg
35:59Phones his mate
36:00Martin Scorsese
36:01He said, you know
36:01The thing he did with that bloke
36:02Called De Niro
36:02We're gonna do it again
36:03Should we do it again?
36:04So they call Javier first
36:05He says yes first
36:07Yep
36:07Amy says yes second
36:09Yes
36:09And you say yes third
36:11Well, with all those people
36:12Am I gonna say no?
36:13I know
36:13There are phone calls
36:14There are job offers
36:15And there are job offers
36:16I know
36:17Yeah
36:17It was one of the greatest
36:18So your agent said
36:18I dare you say no to this
36:21Basically
36:22Basically
36:22I didn't even have to read it
36:23What did you hear first?
36:24Just give me a little bit
36:25A taste of that conversation
36:26Oh man
36:27I just
36:28I saw the breakdown
36:29Because I was
36:29I was actually here
36:30I was
36:30We were
36:31I was shooting our
36:32Last Conjuring movie
36:33We shot it in the UK
36:35So I was here
36:36So I was
36:37You know
36:37The hours were sort of
36:38Screwed up
36:38But I got this email
36:39Late at night
36:40Do you want to do a Zoom
36:41With this director
36:42And I was like
36:42Cape Fear
36:43What are they doing?
36:44And then I saw Javier and Amy
36:45And I was like
36:45Yes please
36:46I'm in
36:46Yeah
36:47And then you saw
36:47Scorsese and Spielberg
36:48Well I mean
36:49Once I said Cape Fear
36:50I had a feeling they were
36:51I forgot
36:54That it was a real switch
36:56The story goes
36:59And someone tell me
37:00If I'm wrong
37:00But that
37:02Scorsese had Schindler's List
37:04And Spielberg
37:05Had Cape Fear
37:06And both of them thought
37:07These are not the movies for us
37:09And Stephen
37:10Mr. Spielberg
37:11Gave this to Marty
37:12And then he gave them
37:14Schindler's List
37:14So isn't that interesting?
37:15Is that?
37:16Yeah yeah yeah
37:16Have you fact-checked that story?
37:19I'm 99% sure that's true
37:20Well you can't fact-check them
37:21Because they're
37:21Well that's why
37:22They stayed on board together
37:24That's an amazing story
37:24Yeah yeah
37:25And then Scorsese went to do
37:28Goodfellas right after this
37:29Which is crazy
37:30Because the movies are
37:30Than Cape Fear
37:32They're so different
37:33It's a great scene man
37:34Patrick Wilson
37:34Cape Fear everybody
37:37Still to come on our
37:38Continuing stand-up special
37:39The first joke
37:40Harry Hill ever told
37:42Plus Dorno Porter
37:44You'll find out
37:45Stand by
37:45Keep that powder dry
37:46Music from haircut 100
37:48But first
37:48Take it into the break
37:49It's Sophie Ellis-Bexter
37:50With her first ever
37:52TV performance
37:53Back in 1998
37:54Here she is singing
37:56With her band
37:56The Audience
37:57This is
37:58A Pessimist
37:58Is Never Disappointed
38:00Sophie Ellis-Bexter
38:02Hey, sunshine
38:05I'll never shake your pride
38:08You're one of me
38:12It's never disappointed
38:13This is my life
38:18I feel miserable life
38:22It's a mess
38:23It's never disappointed
38:49Welcome back to TFI Unplugged
38:53Still to come tonight
38:54Haircut 100
38:55And a haircut
38:56In 100 seconds
38:58But first
38:59We've been teasing
39:00The life out of this
39:00All night
39:01So let's get the first
39:01Joke Harry Hill
39:03Ever told
39:05What was the first joke
39:06That you told on stage
39:07Professionally then
39:07My mum is a
39:09Lollipop lady
39:10By that
39:10I mean she has a
39:11Very thin body
39:11Big round sticky head
39:13And I'm
39:13And I'm still telling it
39:18Right, that's it
39:19You're spoiling in the workplace
39:20I'm calling HR
39:21HR please
39:22Our next guest
39:25Is a writer
39:25A director
39:26A presenter
39:27Charity founder
39:28A new book
39:29Hungry Ice
39:30Here it is
39:31Is out this Thursday
39:32And sure
39:33To get your tummy rumbling
39:34So we'll always support her
39:36It's Dawn-O-Porter
39:42Yes Dawn
39:43Yes Dawn
39:45How are you?
39:47Great
39:48This is so nostalgic
39:50Oh my gosh
39:51It's good isn't it
39:51It's good fun
39:52I can't believe it
39:53Feel the burn
39:54Feel the burn baby
39:54Yes love it
39:55This desk does things
39:56To our guests
39:57Let's see if it does
39:58Something to you
39:58The brand new
39:59The all new
40:00Sober
40:01Adorno Porsche
40:04Now you were famous
40:05In lockdown
40:05For having a right
40:07Fun old time
40:08With the wine
40:09Wine o'clock
40:09Was
40:10Every hour
40:11Frequent wasn't it
40:12You made the most of it
40:13But you've given up the booze
40:15I have
40:15Last
40:16So just over a year
40:18Yeah
40:19Life is good
40:20Didn't need it
40:21How do you feel?
40:22I feel great
40:22I got
40:24I love drinking
40:25I miss drinking
40:26Yay
40:26I miss the drinking
40:28But I just got sick
40:29Of being hung over it
40:30It was just hitting
40:30Different these days
40:31And so I stopped
40:33I know you
40:34You did this amazing
40:36Show on Channel 4
40:37That you talk about
40:37In the book
40:38Where you played
40:38A surrogate wife
40:39We have some surrogate
40:39Drinkers for you
40:40Thank you so much
40:42For your service
40:43So we don't have to
40:46It's fun till it's not fun
40:47And hubby still has
40:48A glass of wine now and again
40:49Just the one
40:50Yeah
40:51Yes absolutely
40:51You know
40:52The first thing I do
40:53If someone walks into my house
40:54Is pour them a drink
40:54I'm not pushing this on anybody
40:56But it's
40:58I just kind of sit back
40:59And observe
40:59It's still fun
41:00Still hit up a dance floor
41:01Yeah
41:01You know go to festivals
41:02Decision time
41:03So when Tash and I gave up
41:04We went out for our usual
41:05Friday night o'clock
41:06A couple of hours
41:07And then I woke up
41:08The next day
41:08I said I think I'm done
41:09Literally I think I'm done
41:10I heard a voice
41:11From someone saying something
41:12And it was like
41:13I think I'm done
41:14And Tash said
41:14I'm up for it
41:15What was it like for you?
41:17It's exactly that
41:17I had the best weekend
41:19In the country with my friends
41:21Nothing bad happened
41:22Was driving home
41:23With my kids
41:24Stonehenge was to my left
41:25And I swear I heard a voice
41:28It's time
41:30Stonehenge
41:30And it was so undramatic
41:33I just said
41:34I'm just done
41:35And I think
41:37Like your good self
41:39I did enough
41:40Yeah
41:40Had a great time
41:41You left nothing on the pitch
41:42No
41:43No
41:43No tabletop was undanced upon
41:45In fact we were on the pitch
41:46For many years
41:47Yeah
41:47And I feel like
41:48When you've lived that way
41:50For a really long time
41:51And had a great time
41:52You can just draw a line under it
41:53Now you have had a mouthful
41:55By accident
41:56Haven't you?
41:57I
41:57Just last Sunday
41:58I drink a lot of non-alcoholic wine
42:00I find it really
42:00I love wine and food
42:01I still miss that
42:02So I drink loads of non-alcoholic wine
42:04Loads of non-alcoholic wine
42:07But Chris had some normal white wine
42:09And I accidentally took a mouthful of that
42:11And immediately went to spit it in the fridge
42:14The fridge
42:15Not the fridge
42:17I'll save that for later
42:18That's the kind of thing I used to do when I drank
42:20No I spat it into the sink
42:22Chris was like
42:22That was very dramatic
42:23And I was like
42:24But the problem is
42:24When you've given up
42:25You don't want any of it
42:26Yeah
42:26And so it might only be one mouthful to you
42:28But to me that is
42:30That's a lot
42:31And it was quite dramatic
42:32But you know
42:33I'm a very dramatic person
42:34You are a very dramatic person
42:35As evinced in this book
42:36Hungry Eyes
42:37So it's a food memoir
42:39Yes
42:39And there are recipes through it
42:41The recipes for all different kinds of things
42:43How did you decide which recipes to put in
42:45And which not to put in
42:46Well that was hard
42:47Initially I wanted to do a recipe book
42:49Yeah
42:49But then it turned into a memoir with recipes
42:51So I just did the ones that I thought were most delicious
42:55And then your love kebab
42:57Oh yeah baby
43:00Right so the love kebab
43:01Yeah
43:02Features very shortly after
43:04You talk about you and Chris getting together
43:05Yeah
43:06So let's rewind a bit
43:08We'll end up
43:08We'll end up on the love kebab
43:11At the love
43:11Whatever
43:12We all end up there
43:13Yeah we'll end up around the love kebab
43:15For the recipe for which is in the book by the way
43:18So you get a job with Channel 4
43:20Yeah
43:20A big shout out to Channel 4 of course
43:23Woohoo
43:23Didn't recommission my series though
43:25Sorry
43:27Spoiler
43:27Spoiler
43:28It's in the book
43:30And then you're feeling sorry for yourself
43:32So you have a party at yours
43:34And you know it was going alright
43:35But most people
43:36Most people have left
43:37And then at midnight
43:39Over the horizon
43:42Enter hero stage left
43:43And it's Chris O'Dowd
43:45Who you got contacted
43:46You contacted to the via Facebook
43:48Yeah
43:48We're heading towards the love kebab by the way
43:50Which is the recipe for which is in here
43:53And so what happened next
43:54I was dancing with my dad
43:55It was actually my 30th birthday
43:56I was dancing with my dad at midnight
43:59Everyone else had left
43:59Because it was really popular
44:02And Chris had said
44:03Chris had introduced
44:04He'd asked me out on Facebook
44:05And I'd said no
44:06But come to my 30th birthday party
44:07Because I didn't know if anyone would come
44:08And he just walked in
44:10And I was like
44:10Chris is so big
44:12And he just
44:12I remember just thinking
44:14The wingspan
44:15Of these arms
44:16Didn't you say great wingspan
44:17I think I said great wingspan
44:19And he came up to me
44:20Like my Scottish dad stepped aside
44:22As this Irish man walked in
44:24And just danced with me
44:25And then he left
44:25I woke up in the morning
44:26I said to my sister
44:27I think I'm going to marry that guy
44:28Yeah it's all in there
44:29So
44:29And I'd never said that before
44:31And then I did
44:32How beautiful is that
44:33Yay
44:35Dawn lovely book
44:36Thank you so much
44:37Dawn she's back
44:37She's back in Britain
44:38She's back in blood
44:39She's ours
44:39And she's sober for heaven's sake
44:42That's almost all we've got time for this week
44:46But playing's out tonight
44:47Please welcome Haircut100O
44:48And did I mention Owen
44:49From the show here
44:51Is going to have a haircut
44:52In 100 seconds
44:52Whilst Haircut100 playing
44:53Good night
44:54Yeah
44:54Good night
44:56Good night
44:56Good night
44:57Good night
44:58Good night
44:58Good night
44:59I'm so glad
45:00I'm so glad
45:02Boy
45:03Me still
45:04And love
45:06Love is on this way
45:08So boy
45:10Me still
45:11Woo
45:16Boy
45:17Me still
45:24Love is on this way
45:27I'm so glad
45:27I'm so glad
45:28I'm so glad
45:28I'm so glad
45:29I'm so glad
45:30I'm so glad
45:32I'm so glad
45:40I'm so glad
45:41That's all I've been able
45:44I'm so glad
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