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Taskmaster - S20E08 - Am I an Idiom [Full Movie] [Full Episodes]Full EP - Full
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00:01Oh, no!
00:05Hello?
00:12Hey!
00:18Nothing's ever straightforward in this stupid house.
00:31APPLAUSE
00:35Hello, I'm Greg Davies. Welcome to Taskmaster.
00:39I'd like to start on a personal note, if I may, today,
00:42and tell you that Anna, the member of the crew
00:44who makes my coffees when I arrive at studio,
00:46recently pointed out to me that in nearly 200 episodes of television,
00:50I have not once said thank you to her.
00:52And so I wanted to start this show by putting that right.
00:55Anna, sincerely, thank you for all your hard work.
00:58But also...
01:00Your coffee tastes like crap! Clear your desk!
01:02You think I can't replace you? I've got a thousand waiting!
01:05Right!
01:07Please welcome our contestants!
01:10Anya Magliano!
01:12CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:13Maisie Adder!
01:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:15Phil Addis!
01:17Reece Shearsmith!
01:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:20And Sanji Bhaskar!
01:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:24And next to me, a man who tells me he's going on holiday this year
01:28to a mysterious place where everybody spits when they talk.
01:32Wales!
01:33It's...
01:35Little Alex Horne!
01:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:38You're the hell out of people of Wales.
01:41I don't know what you've got against the people of Wales.
01:44Subhuman, you said.
01:45Oh, dear.
01:46Prize task, then.
01:47Yes, it is.
01:48Greg and I suppose it's also...
01:50Boo!
01:52Because this week, the category...
01:55The category is the best thing that has a surprise aspect to it.
01:59Oh, good.
02:00Yeah.
02:00I have to say, I was a little alarmed when I first saw your surprise
02:03aspect, Greg, but I've got used to it.
02:05I don't mind it at all now.
02:06The thing with a surprise that Greg likes best will get five points
02:10and the winner of the show gets to take home all five things.
02:14Hello, Reece.
02:14What have you bought that might surprise me?
02:16As you know, I am a bit of a David Dickinson in real life.
02:19Well, you've filled your house full of weird things.
02:21That's right.
02:23I went to an antique fair and I bought this item.
02:27The Improved Patent Magneto Electric Machine for Nervous Diseases.
02:34You crank the handle and you hold the two things and it's meant
02:37to give you a shock.
02:39I was assured when I bought it from the man, it didn't work.
02:43Right.
02:44So, I took it home and I said to my daughter, Holly,
02:48do you want to have a go at it?
02:49Yeah.
02:50Let's not take a risk on using it yourself.
02:52No.
02:52And I turned around and she gave her a mass in electric.
02:58Absolutely bizarre.
03:01Anya.
03:01I brought in a mixtape and the thing that is surprising about it
03:04is that someone gave it to me and I've never listened to it.
03:07A boy?
03:08Yeah.
03:09What's he called?
03:10Gray.
03:10Ooh!
03:11So, I didn't have anything to listen to it on.
03:15I didn't have one of those...
03:15Oh, you didn't have a tape machine?
03:17Yeah.
03:18I don't know what that is.
03:19The mixtape looks like this.
03:20It is a classic cassette.
03:21We can see it there.
03:25I've never listened to it, but Alex has listened to it.
03:28You don't know this, Anya, but, yeah, Ray introduced it.
03:30So, I can play you Ray's voice.
03:32This is a mixtape I made for you.
03:37There we go.
03:38Is that genuinely his voice?
03:41LAUGHTER
03:41This is, like, older than the electric shock machine.
03:45LAUGHTER
03:45Sounds like the guy who invented the telephone.
03:48LAUGHTER
03:49The second bit goes, Germany calling!
03:52Germany calling!
03:55Well, Anya, let's not mess around.
03:57You've surprised me.
03:58LAUGHTER
04:00It's the weirdest thing that we've ever had on the show.
04:04Sanjeev, what surprising thing have you brought in?
04:06Christmas crackers.
04:09Here they are.
04:10He's brought in Christmas crackers.
04:12OK.
04:13Hey!
04:14Huh?
04:17Do you know what's in them?
04:18Oh, OK.
04:19I shouldn't write one point down?
04:21It's not going to stop you.
04:24OK, let's take the white one.
04:26If you open that up, there's a banana in it!
04:30Weren't expecting that, were you?
04:31LAUGHTER
04:32I thought it was.
04:35Hang on, then.
04:36If we take the banana out, what do we find in the banana?
04:39A little cracker!
04:40You weren't expecting that, were you?
04:42I am slightly more surprised by that.
04:45What do you find in the little cracker?
04:47Oh, God, it's not a mixtape, is it?
04:50LAUGHTER
04:51No, it isn't!
04:52It's a picture of you!
04:53I was kind of expecting it to be a banana.
04:56I wasn't expecting the small cracker.
04:57There was an element of surprise.
04:59LAUGHTER
05:01Macy.
05:02Macy.
05:03I've made a mixtape.
05:05I'm not Ray.
05:06LAUGHTER
05:06I'm not Ray.
05:07No, I've made a compilation album.
05:10I reached out to various people connected to my fellow contestants
05:14and asked for surprising facts about you all.
05:17And this is the album that she's produced?
05:19It's called Now What's That About You?
05:23LAUGHTER
05:24Do you want to hear Phil's one?
05:27This is from your mum.
05:28When Phil was four, he went through a phase of only saying the words,
05:32hedgehog no.
05:33Oh, fuck.
05:35LAUGHTER
05:35Hedgehog no.
05:36Hedgehog no.
05:37Well, we all go through that phase, don't we?
05:41Rhys, I reached out to your comedy partner, Steve Pemberton, for this one.
05:46OK.
05:46This is what Steve said.
05:47One surprising thing about Rhys is that he used to draw pornographic pictures of all our tutors when we were
05:57at college and he would take requests.
06:00LAUGHTER
06:05Yep, that's true.
06:07The requests used to be animals.
06:09Oh, George!
06:12Hedgehog no!
06:18That is, er, very surprising.
06:21Phil, last one.
06:22Er, I have brought in a beautiful family heirloom, which is a grandfather clock.
06:28Yes, he has. Here it is.
06:29There it is. Beautiful, isn't it?
06:32Passed down, ironically, from my auntie, R.I.P.
06:36I, er...
06:37She's not dead, but it's no life the way she is at the moment, but...
06:44But you open the grandfather clock, there's a little surprise.
06:49Watch this.
06:50Yeah.
06:51It's also a fridge.
06:55Did you put the fridge in?
06:57Yeah.
06:58I've devalued it quite a lot.
07:00LAUGHTER
07:02Oh, God.
07:03Oh, they're all quite good.
07:04Mmm.
07:05Banana within a cracker.
07:08I still think it's the worst one.
07:12One point to Sanjeev.
07:14One point to Sanjeev, is it?
07:15Hmm.
07:15Phil, I'm going to give it two points, cos it doesn't surprise me that much
07:19that you've put a fridge in a grandfather clock.
07:21LAUGHTER
07:22It doesn't surprise me that you have got a Victorian device for
07:25electrocuting people, but you get a point more than him,
07:28because it does surprise me you electrocuted...
07:30LAUGHTER
07:32..and then we're up to the big guns.
07:34LAUGHTER
07:34Four points to the wonderful research.
07:36And, wherever you are, Ray...
07:38LAUGHTER
07:38..you've just got her five points.
07:40Five points down, yeah!
07:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
07:45Right, let's have the first task, please, Alex.
07:48Right, you are, and we begin with some honking,
07:50some whistling, and ten simple questions.
08:06Hello!
08:08Oh, my gosh!
08:10Mm-hm.
08:11That's a lot of ducks.
08:12I was hoping there'd be ducks at some point.
08:14Very excited.
08:15What fresh hell is this?
08:19I feel judged.
08:28Go and sit in the entrance lobby on Alex's horn...
08:32..and return on Alex's whistle.
08:35Every time you return,
08:36you must answer Alex's question within 30 seconds.
08:40You cannot change your answer.
08:42Alex will ask you ten questions.
08:44Most correct answers wins.
08:47Your time starts now.
08:50BUZZER
08:51Right.
08:52BUZZER
08:53BUZZER
08:54I need to clap.
08:56BUZZER
08:58BUZZER
08:58Oh, wait a minute.
08:59Yeah, I'm not honking the horn yet.
09:01No...
09:04You OK?
09:06BUZZER
09:07BUZZER
09:10BUZZER
09:13BUZZER
09:14Well, there's not much more we need to know, is there?
09:17So let's just crack on.
09:18Yes.
09:18It's an intriguing one.
09:19And we're going to start with Anya, Maisie and Philip.
09:24BUZZER
09:25Alex, I'm here!
09:26Alan?
09:28Where's this supposed to sit?
09:30BUZZER
09:31Come on, brilliant.
09:33BUZZER
09:36BUZZER
09:36Maisie Adam.
09:37Have a seat.
09:38Hello, Anya.
09:39Are you ready for the question?
09:42BUZZER
09:42Yes.
09:44Yes, I am.
09:46Oh, lovely.
09:47That wasn't the question.
09:48Phil?
09:49Yes.
09:50What's missing?
09:52BUZZER
09:55Your whistle.
09:57BUZZER
09:57This one?
09:58This whistle?
09:59BUZZER
10:00Eight seconds.
10:01I need an answer.
10:02BUZZER
10:03OK, please write that on the board.
10:05BUZZER
10:06Confident with that?
10:07Yes, one duck you've written.
10:08One bloomin' duck.
10:09BUZZER
10:09Off you go.
10:10Cool.
10:11You need to be quicker with blowing your whistle.
10:13I won't be quick.
10:14Why?
10:15Because you're moving things.
10:20BUZZER
10:20OK, right.
10:27BUZZER
10:27OK, good.
10:28Hi.
10:29Phil.
10:30Anya Magliano.
10:32Yes.
10:32What's missing?
10:34Chicken.
10:35Chicken.
10:36Chicken.
10:36BUZZER
10:37Duck.
10:38BUZZER
10:38Maisie, what's missing?
10:39A pumpkin.
10:41Why would you say that?
10:42Because it's right.
10:43BUZZER
10:44Fucking hell.
10:45Talk about this and they're missing it here now.
10:47Bastards.
10:49That was...
10:49Was that there?
10:50There's new stuff up.
10:51Cows.
10:52Was that there before?
10:53That is all stuff that's in that room.
10:56But that is that sock.
10:57BUZZER
10:58What's missing?
10:59Oh, the ducks are facing another way.
11:01Is that a clue?
11:01What's missing?
11:02Nothing.
11:03You haven't moved a thing.
11:05BUZZER
11:05Only Magliano.
11:07What's missing?
11:07What's missing?
11:08What's missing?
11:09Wait.
11:10That apple wasn't there.
11:12BUZZER
11:12Is this the lobby?
11:14Does he really mean, what's missing?
11:16I'm going to take everything off here.
11:18Is the question actually like, what would you put in this room?
11:21Yeah, boss.
11:21I furnished it to my abilities, what's missing?
11:24What's missing?
11:25Nothing, Alex.
11:26It's perfect as it is.
11:35Ah.
11:36The ducks have gone everywhere.
11:38What's missing?
11:38OK.
11:39Yeah, well, then all the ducks.
11:41All the...
11:41No, the ducks have found you.
11:43Absolutely.
11:45All of the ducks.
11:47These are appearing outside.
11:48Maybe they're being taken out of the room.
11:50That wasn't there.
11:51Yes, but what's missing?
11:52Sock.
11:53Egg.
11:53Apple.
11:55Is this a question film?
11:55All is.
11:56What's new?
11:57What's new?
11:58Why would you do that?
12:00I think I've just got a hang of what's going on.
12:02You're just trying to throw me off and it's not working.
12:04BUZZER
12:04You're fucking...
12:17Oh, my God, what's going on?
12:21Oh, thank God you're here.
12:23You're going to go.
12:24Do you know what that is out of interest?
12:26I don't know what's happening anymore.
12:27What's missing?
12:28Nothing.
12:28I'm worried these things that aren't meant to be in the task and I'm seeing stuff again.
12:32I've rumbled you, Horne.
12:35WHISTLE
12:35WHISTLE
12:35WHISTLE
12:37Are you ready for your question, Phil?
12:38The final one.
12:39What connects all the correct answers?
12:44An iron.
12:45A butternut squash.
12:46A horse.
12:47An egg.
12:48What just connects all of these things?
12:49Yes, that's the question.
12:50They're all things...
12:51No, I couldn't get that up my arse.
12:53Good try.
12:55They're all nothing.
12:56They're all nothing.
12:58Nothing.
12:59Yeah.
12:59They're all stuff I was left in my nana's will.
13:03They're all outside, on the shelf.
13:06In the waiting lobby.
13:08Thank you, Anya.
13:09I feel like I'm going to pass out.
13:13APPLAUSE
13:14All right, good.
13:19So, and Anya, did you work it out, do you think?
13:22It drove me insane.
13:24It was horrible.
13:24It was crazy.
13:25It felt like some sort of torture system from an ancient culture.
13:29Phil, it was the most focused I've seen you throughout this series,
13:33up until the point you stated that you couldn't get a big iron up your bum.
13:37Well, not if it's hot.
13:41LAUGHTER
13:41I'm waiting to give it a go if it's not been near a stove.
13:44Let it chill down, get some butter, Bob Torino.
13:47LAUGHTER
13:49Now, then, what I was amazed by,
13:50because this hasn't been a characteristic of you during this series,
13:53is just how smug you were.
13:55You were so pleased with yourself.
13:57Cos I thought I'd cracked it, I thought I'd worked out.
13:59Oh, that was my favourite bit.
14:00You going, I'm inside his head.
14:04Have you got a smug face?
14:05Well, maybe, have a look at this.
14:09LAUGHTER
14:13Yeah, so we left them alone in the lobby,
14:15and Anya and Phil noticed things.
14:19BUZZER
14:22BUZZER
14:23BUZZER
14:24BUZZER
14:25BUZZER
14:25BUZZER
14:26BUZZER
14:27Oh, no!
14:27Oh, come on!
14:29And I can tell you that none of that is relevant to the task, absolutely.
14:34LAUGHTER
14:35APPLAUSE
14:39Good.
14:40That is the end of part one, and Alex's turn.
14:43For the first time ever, I'm going to let him send us into the break.
14:46Oh, thanks, Greg.
14:47That's all right.
14:48OK, well, it's the end of part one, and as why people...
14:51Shut up!
14:52LAUGHTER
14:52LAUGHTER
14:53See you in a bit.
14:56APPLAUSE
15:05Hello.
15:07Welcome back to the final part of this half of the show.
15:10What's he on about?
15:11Bonkers!
15:12Yes, in the current task, they had to keep leaving the living room
15:16and then working out what had changed upon their return.
15:19Now, finally, it's two impatient guys from the 60s,
15:22Sanjeef Bhaskar OBE and Rhys Wayne Shearsmith.
15:27BUZZER
15:28Ah, Sanjeef Bhaskar, have a seat.
15:31Rhys Shearsmith?
15:32Yes.
15:32Have a seat.
15:34I'm going to ask you your question now.
15:35Yep.
15:36What's missing?
15:39Oh, no.
15:41There's something that was in the room that is no longer in the room.
15:44Er, my enthusiasm.
15:47Already?
15:48Yeah.
15:48Question one.
15:50Would you mind writing enthusiasm...
15:52Yep, sure.
15:52..on the board?
15:53I don't know if I can be arsed.
15:57Great, just nine more to go.
16:02The answer is one of the many ducks.
16:04Right, so you could have just written duck.
16:05So now penalised for being really clear.
16:08He can't win with you.
16:12Ah, Sanjeef Bhaskar.
16:13What's missing?
16:15Yellow duck.
16:16Ah.
16:19Hello, Sanjeef.
16:20What's missing?
16:25I'm going to go for another yellow duck.
16:27Duck, yep.
16:30There you go.
16:31Duck.
16:31Right.
16:32Which duck?
16:32I knew you were going to say that!
16:35It's nothing to do with a duck.
16:36Start with the thing of it.
16:39What's missing?
16:40I'm going to say two yellow ducks.
16:44My next answer is going to be another yellow duck.
16:47Oh, you can...
16:47Do you want me to put that in now?
16:48Do you know what?
16:49That'll save a bit of time, innit?
16:50Yeah.
16:53Do you want me to give you the next answer as well?
16:56Well, it would save some time.
16:57It's up to you if you want to.
16:58OK.
16:59Great.
16:59Well, I've actually...
17:00The question for number six is actually what's new in the room.
17:03Oh, is it?
17:03Hmm.
17:04Yeah, what the hell?
17:06Duck, is it?
17:07Yeah.
17:07Yeah.
17:09Rhys Shearsmith.
17:10What's missing?
17:11What's missing?
17:11What is missing?
17:12The duck's faces.
17:13You've got to tie off.
17:14Some ducks.
17:15There's a cat in here.
17:16Teapot.
17:17Rhys Shearsmith.
17:17How are you, just before I ask you the question?
17:19I think just get on with it.
17:20What's missing, is it?
17:21What's missing?
17:21Yeah.
17:22Mr. Rhys Shearsmith.
17:24That's what's missing.
17:26What was the one after that?
17:27Oh, what's missing?
17:27Yeah, what's missing?
17:32Nothing's changed here.
17:34Definitely.
17:36Not.
17:44Well, that's new.
17:47So, just two questions left.
17:50Well, question nine is what's missing?
17:53What was in the room that isn't in the room now?
17:54Yep.
17:55Yep.
17:56OK.
17:58And then question 10 is what connects all the correct answers?
18:01What connects all the correct answers?
18:03OK.
18:06I do too.
18:07Excellent.
18:08And that's the end of the task.
18:09I didn't get to honk my horn as much as usual, but I will honk it now.
18:11There you go.
18:12I didn't do very well.
18:13By name, by noise.
18:16Thank you very much.
18:17Thank you, Sanjeev.
18:18We've got a duck, duck faces.
18:20We've got a tie, some ducks, a cat, a teapot, mister, and the colour emitted from a duck.
18:25I'm going to say it's duck things.
18:27It connects all the answers.
18:29That's it.
18:30See you, Rhys.
18:31See you later.
18:38I mean, that's one way to do it, Sanjeev, not to care.
18:41But it's true.
18:42My enthusiasm, my will to live, my soul, they had all left the room.
18:48Did you have a lovely time, Rhys?
18:50It was frustrating.
18:52I thought the big duck walking out the toilet, I thought, well, this is going to send him
18:55over the edge.
18:57That's new.
18:58No, it was sort of, it was what you would do to break somebody.
19:02Shall we see what was actually missing?
19:04Who, yeah, who got it right?
19:05Well, Sanjeev didn't, of course, notice the enormous duck at any point.
19:09Couldn't give a shit.
19:14Well, let's see if that tactic works.
19:18This is what was going on.
19:21Go and sit in the entrance lobby on Alex's horn.
19:24Return on Alex's whistle.
19:31Alex, I'm here.
19:33Helen!
19:33Blow your whistle!
19:35Hello.
19:36What's missing?
19:37One of the many ducks.
19:39A pumpkin.
19:40Eggs.
19:40Eggs.
19:41Eggs.
19:42What's missing?
19:43A teapot.
19:43A horse.
19:44Nothing.
19:46There has been a slam of the door each time I've come out.
19:49The question for number six is actually what's new in the room?
19:52Duck, is it?
19:52Yeah.
19:56What connects all the correct answers?
20:02I'm going to say it's duck.
20:04Duck things connects all the answers.
20:08Yeah.
20:09Yeah, that's it.
20:10Yeah.
20:12He's playing good in the end, but who would have thought?
20:15Literally, a person who couldn't care less whether he was here or not
20:19has got the system right.
20:20Yeah.
20:21Well, Maisie, you didn't put duck once.
20:23Well, that is stupid tusk!
20:26There is!
20:27You've changed your tune.
20:28They're so stupid!
20:29Show us mud face again.
20:31LAUGHTER
20:40Phil, you got one and a half right out of ten.
20:42Oh, what's the half?
20:43Well, you put all the ducks were missing at one point,
20:45because you didn't see that all the ducks were still in the room.
20:47Oh, yeah.
20:48Yeah.
20:48In fact, just one of the ducks was missing at that point,
20:50so I've given you a half.
20:50Oh!
20:51And you got two right.
20:52Rhys, you got five right, but the winner and five points to him
20:55is Sanjeev with six points!
21:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
21:17for the vast masquer that made them go above — —
21:19— and beyond — —
21:20— the canvas.
21:21Ooh!
21:23Oh!
21:26Uh...
21:26No, no, no!
21:28Oh
21:28MUSIC
21:56Hello.
21:58Hello.
21:58Hello.
21:59And stop.
22:01You feel safe?
22:02Well, I did.
22:03Now I don't, since you said that.
22:05I'm not going to talk to you until you're safe.
22:07Am I not safe?
22:08No.
22:10Safe from what?
22:11Peril.
22:13Peril?
22:14This will hurt a little bit.
22:17OK, clicked in.
22:18You are secure.
22:22I haven't been harnessed in months.
22:25This is great.
22:29Oh, God!
22:30It's really quick how much it hurts and pulls you back.
22:36Paint the best picture of one animal sitting on top of another animal.
22:41You must paint on the paper below.
22:47I didn't spot that.
22:49Excellent.
22:51You must not leave the balcony.
22:52You have 15 minutes and your time starts now.
22:56OK, let me just have a little look at my, er, things I've got.
23:00Interesting.
23:01So that's for the more, the finer work.
23:04Oh, well, this is just stupid.
23:06LAUGHTER
23:12APPLAUSE
23:15It's a Taskmaster classic, really.
23:17It's paint a picture, you know, in difficult circumstances.
23:20Mm-hm.
23:21So I think we'll just crack on with it.
23:22But before we do, would anyone like to see Anya deliberately run away
23:26from something that she's been tethered to
23:28and make a noise like a small cat?
23:31LAUGHTER
23:32You're in luck.
23:34Wow!
23:37APPLAUSE
23:42OK, here they all are creating their high-concept artwork.
23:47So, what animals are there?
23:50Snakes.
23:54Pig.
23:55An orangutan.
23:56Have you decided on your animal yet?
23:58No, I'm just trying to work out how useful these things are.
24:02No.
24:03No?
24:03Not yet.
24:04All right.
24:06I hear you're quite an artist, Rhys.
24:08Not on this scale.
24:10We need brown.
24:11Brown is red and blue.
24:13OK.
24:15Just going to be a mucky horse.
24:16So it's an orangutan sitting on a mucky horse.
24:19Yeah.
24:19That's a horse.
24:21Just screams horse to me.
24:24I'm trying to draw a top view of a hippopotamus.
24:29Hippos have quite big bodies.
24:33Oh, my God.
24:36Oh, it's lovely.
24:39Well, maybe it is a dragon.
24:41It could be a Komodo dragon.
24:42That's a dressing gown, isn't it?
24:44Well, that's quite good.
24:47Why not?
24:49Urgh!
24:52She's high.
24:53Come on, horsey.
24:55Oh, this is so stupid.
24:57Right.
25:00Oh, this is ungainly.
25:02Oh!
25:04Shut up, Alex.
25:05Sorry.
25:06I'm going to have to use the tube.
25:08Alex, could you pour it in the end, really?
25:11Just stop when I tell you.
25:13Obviously.
25:14Right, start pouring.
25:16Here we go.
25:17There we go!
25:18Here we go!
25:20Stop pouring.
25:25Stop pouring, I said.
25:26I haven't.
25:30It's now a panda.
25:32That is striped ginger cat.
25:35Oh, it was good for a bit, this.
25:4515 seconds.
25:46Shut up.
25:47I'm quite happy with that.
25:49Do you want me to sign it?
25:50P-E.
25:52OK.
25:54It's got an eye!
25:55WHISTLE BLOWS
26:19APPLAUSE
26:20Do you start with Phil's?
26:22Oh, I enjoyed this task.
26:27It's good.
26:29Well, it's an orangutan on either a dog, a horse,
26:32or a fire-breathing dragon.
26:33Yes!
26:34It was meant to be fire,
26:36but it looks like it is just bleeding from its mouth.
26:39It's a great orangutan.
26:40It's amazing.
26:41Yeah, the orangutan film.
26:42And it's a great demonic creature.
26:44It's very good, this, Phil.
26:45Oh, thank you.
26:46You're welcome.
26:46Let's have a look at Sanjeev's effort.
26:49Here we go.
26:53So, this is viewed from above.
26:55It's a ginger cat sitting on the back of a hippopotamus.
26:59Oh, OK.
27:00Yeah.
27:02Yeah, it's a big grey thing, all right.
27:05And it's a ginger cat?
27:07Yeah.
27:08Do you need me to make the noise?
27:11Can't.
27:13Who's next?
27:14Let's have a look at Maisie's one.
27:17Oh, wow.
27:18Never has anyone fucked up their own snake so quickly.
27:21You like the detail, though?
27:23The detail in the tail?
27:25That's pretty good.
27:26Squiggly piggy tail?
27:27Yeah.
27:28Squiggly piggy tail.
27:29Yeah, squiggly piggy tail.
27:29They've got corkscrew penises as well.
27:31Did you know?
27:32What?
27:32I did.
27:35What are you talking about?
27:36A corkscrew penis?
27:38They've got a penis that's shaped like a corkscrew.
27:40Like a spiral?
27:41No, the other bit.
27:43The arms.
27:45LAUGHTER
27:49APPLAUSE
27:53OK, let's leave the gallery for a quick break.
27:55And then, as has happened throughout our friendship,
27:57I'll show Alex some images of one animal on top of another.
28:01LAUGHTER
28:07APPLAUSE
28:12Hello!
28:13Here we are again.
28:14Welcome back to an arty part three.
28:16Our contestants have all had a long-distance relationship with their canvases.
28:20Best picture of an animal sitting on top of another animal wins.
28:23And our next gallery singleton comes from resident artist Reece Wayne Shearsmith.
28:32It's a crocodile.
28:33Yeah.
28:36It's a pretty good crocodile.
28:37Oh, it's a great crocodile.
28:38It's really good.
28:39If you imagine it, it's quite a coquettish panda that's looking to the left like...
28:46It's a pretty good pattern.
28:48That's exactly what I was going for.
28:50Who's next?
28:51It's Anya's picture of this animal sitting on this animal.
28:57Oh, wow.
28:58That is the worst, isn't it?
29:01What do you mean?
29:02Is it a dolphin?
29:04Yeah. It's a whale.
29:05I can see it's aquatic.
29:07Yeah.
29:07Yeah.
29:08It's in the sea.
29:09And is the other animal the yellow thing?
29:11Yes.
29:11A chicken leg?
29:13A chicken leg.
29:14It's a bird.
29:15It's not a bird.
29:15You said it was a monkey.
29:20It's a monkey.
29:25Oh!
29:26I'll make some decisions.
29:27OK.
29:28I really like all of the paintings.
29:30I do.
29:30I enjoy them.
29:31So I'm not going to give anyone one point.
29:33I know you won't like this.
29:35Right.
29:35I think that at the bottom of the pile with two points each, and I don't think this is unfair,
29:40would be Anya and Sanjeev.
29:42I certainly don't think that's a cat, and my God, that's no monkey.
29:47But sure, there's a hippo, and I can see that's aquatic, so I'm going to give them two points each.
29:51OK, two to Anya, two to Sanjeev.
29:52I've got it.
29:53I'm going to give four points each to Maisie and Rhys, because I really like their paintings.
29:58But it's the detail on the orangutan that takes the five points.
30:01I see the orangutan and I feel good.
30:04It's five points to Phil Ellis.
30:06Well done.
30:11Please, may we have one more task?
30:13Yes, of course.
30:14And now it's time to put all five of them in some awkward positions in the dome.
30:34OK.
30:42Hi, Alex.
30:43Oh, hi, Maisie.
30:44In you go, Anya.
30:45In I go.
30:46Can I read that?
30:49Please read and do the task immediately.
30:51Your time's started when you walk through the door.
30:53Oh.
30:54OK.
30:55My time's already started.
30:56You need that and bigger writing.
30:58Or maybe on the outside of the, er...
31:00Right.
31:01The dome.
31:01OK, I'll get on that.
31:03Have a little look.
31:04I'll just read this, shall I?
31:06OK.
31:08You must read each of these instructions out and do them immediately.
31:13Stand on one leg and keep standing on one leg.
31:15Doing it now.
31:16That's my bad leg.
31:18That's it.
31:19Put one finger in your...
31:20I've got no balance.
31:21I've got flat feet.
31:22Put one finger in your ear and keep it there.
31:25Put your other hand on your head and keep it there.
31:29Pull an extreme facial expression and keep that expression on your face.
31:34There.
31:36Yeah, lovely.
31:39Wow.
31:40Your time has started and will end if you move your hands.
31:43Touch the ground with your foot.
31:45I came to hope it happened.
31:48Please read and do the task immediately.
31:52The time starts when you walk through the door, yeah?
31:55What's the task?
31:59All the information's on the task, Rhys.
32:01What?
32:02Is this just the task?
32:04Why is there a...
32:05Why is there an apple turnover?
32:08Why is...
32:09I don't understand the chicken.
32:10Why did the chicken cross the road?
32:12To get to the other side.
32:15Why did the chicken cross...
32:17Turnover!
32:17Turn up, turn the task...
32:18Oh, you...
32:22Oh, come on.
32:29It's not touching the ground.
32:31Are you okay?
32:32Oh, you can...
32:33Oh.
32:34It's all right, it's fine.
32:35Oh, there we go.
32:36You've done it, you've done it, you've done it.
32:37Oh, I've done it!
32:38Say the most five-letter words.
32:41If anyone uses the same five-letter words as you,
32:45five words will be lost from both your totals.
32:49Most five-letter words wins.
32:51I have 20 minutes...
32:53Yeah?
32:55..of this!
33:06I think Rhys has spoken for everyone there.
33:09I mean, it's a fun task, you know?
33:11A lot of fun, yeah.
33:1120 minutes of this!
33:13It does seem like cruel torture.
33:16You're just resting on that thing.
33:18As always, all the information is on the task from that thing.
33:20Fuck off!
33:20Oh!
33:22LAUGHTER
33:25Let's have a look.
33:26Let's have a look.
33:27OK, well, here is a clip about APR.
33:29No, not your annual percentage rate.
33:31It's Anya, Phil and Rhys, Wayne, Shearsmith.
33:37Say the most five-letter word.
33:42Erm...
33:42Am I allowed to rest the leg on anything?
33:45I've tried to put all the information on the task.
33:50Oh, that's opened up a whole new world to me.
33:52Ticks.
33:53Staff.
33:54Tiger.
33:55Horse.
33:55Lovely.
33:56Here we go.
33:56Animals.
33:57Roads.
33:58Gangs.
33:59Crook.
34:00Crime.
34:02Pasty.
34:04Oh, no, but someone else has probably said that.
34:05Pasty!
34:07Oh!
34:07I'm just confused about why that's there.
34:10You've got 16 minutes left.
34:12Wait, what?
34:14Oh, no!
34:20Oh!
34:20Oh!
34:21I know, I know.
34:22No, that's the end of the task.
34:23What?
34:24It doesn't...
34:24Does it say that?
34:27Oh, shit!
34:29Oh, Anya.
34:32Oh.
34:34How long do I have to do it for?
34:36You've got a maximum of 20 minutes.
34:3720 minutes?
34:38Yeah.
34:38How many minutes left?
34:3912 and a half.
34:4012 and a half?!
34:42You've got 12 minutes left.
34:4312 minutes?!
34:44Jesus Christ!
34:46Tango!
34:47On the dances now.
34:48Oh, beasts!
34:49Let's have that one.
34:50Right.
34:50Beasts.
34:51Teeth.
34:52No-one's going to say that, aren't they?
34:53Teeth!
34:54Plane.
34:55Plane.
34:56I'll have plane.
34:57And I'll have the other plane as well, please.
34:59The I-N.
35:00Right, both planes.
35:01Got it.
35:02Crank.
35:03Tired.
35:04Hurt.
35:05Cruel.
35:05I'm not a question.
35:06I don't think you know much about me, Alex, but I don't quit.
35:09You do look in a lot of pain, though.
35:11I'm in so much pain.
35:12It doesn't sweat quite so much.
35:15Er, really sweaty.
35:17Sweat.
35:17Stat.
35:18Just two and a half minutes left.
35:21Great.
35:22Must get clean.
35:24Hurt.
35:24Boots.
35:25Snore.
35:25Shoes.
35:26Death.
35:29Socks.
35:30Yeah.
35:30Ten seconds.
35:31Let's bend on a nice one.
35:33Do you know what?
35:35Laugh.
35:36We thought it would be one of them, couldn't we?
35:38WHISTLE
35:44That was real as well.
35:47APPLAUSE
35:52I thought it was fair that you were kicked out because I was not happy with your silly face maintenance.
35:57Oh.
35:57What?
35:58Really?
35:58Yeah.
35:59This was your silly face.
36:02They're laughing at that.
36:03That's pretty silly, then.
36:05Good.
36:05A lot of pain.
36:06Yeah.
36:06A lot of sweat.
36:0720 minutes, one leg.
36:08No fucking leaning.
36:10I mean, you took advantage of the pain with your choice of words.
36:13I did.
36:13Pain.
36:14Tired.
36:14Hurt.
36:15Cruel.
36:17Oh, wow.
36:20What a start.
36:20OK.
36:21It's time for some adverts now, but fortunately, their insipid blandness will only make the next
36:25part taste even sweeter.
36:37Hello.
36:38Hello, and welcome to the final part of the show.
36:41How are you feeling about it all, Alex?
36:43You know, confident, relaxed, a little bit roundy, the Holy Trinity.
36:48The current task involves finding the other part of the task and then saying as many unique
36:53five-letter words as possible, but meanwhile, if a foot touches the floor, it's game over.
36:58With all of that in mind, and especially relevant, here is Maisie and Sanjeev.
37:05You must read each of these instructions out and do them immediately.
37:09Stand on one leg and keep standing on one leg.
37:15I'll just switch your legs.
37:17OK.
37:18Oh, bollocks.
37:19Right.
37:20I can't help noticing your foot keeps touching the ground.
37:22OK.
37:23Yeah.
37:25I really needed to go to the loo, actually.
37:29This is it.
37:30It's how I started.
37:32What?
37:35For God's sake, what have I got to do?
37:41That's just the road.
37:43Why did the ticking cross the road?
37:46Is it about what?
37:47Oh, maybe.
37:48But why is there an apple pie?
37:50What's that for?
37:51An apple pie, is it?
37:57Is that a apple pie?
38:00Oh!
38:01Is it an apple curl over?
38:04Why did the ticking cross the road to get to the apple curl over?
38:07Well, I did the ticking cross the bastard road.
38:11Oh!
38:14My hand on the...
38:17I don't think I have to do anything!
38:20You...
38:22You would have said!
38:24Wouldn't you?
38:26Stop the clock!
38:28You want me to stop the clock?
38:30There!
38:30I'm done!
38:31I'm done!
38:32OK.
38:33Bye!
38:34Bye-bye!
38:37APPLAUSE
38:42I was so excited to do this show.
38:45I didn't understand the task.
38:47No.
38:48I got frustrated.
38:49Yes.
38:50And I left.
38:50True.
38:51All of that was evident.
38:54I've got some interesting statistics for you.
38:57Rhys, you said 117 words.
39:0041 of them were said by other people, mostly Phil,
39:03which means your final number is minus 88.
39:06Oh, my God!
39:07Because each of those 41 loses you five words.
39:09Yeah, yeah.
39:10So, Rhys, you come last.
39:11Great minds.
39:12That is shocking.
39:14Cruel!
39:14Maisie, you get minus 81.
39:16You get two points.
39:18Phil, minus 74 in the end.
39:21Anya, minus 49.
39:22The winner of the task was minus 32.
39:25It's time to use Bosco!
39:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
39:34The future task, it turns out, was to not say a lot.
39:37If you'd not said a word, you would have won.
39:39Do you fucking mean to tell me...
39:44..that I stood sweating on one leg for 20 minutes...
39:50..and I've lost?
39:52Learned from Sanjeev, care less.
39:56Let's have a look at the scores.
39:58Yes.
39:59Sanjeev, you were in second place on 13.
40:01One point away from Anya, who's got 14 points.
40:04APPLAUSE
40:06Well done.
40:07Yep.
40:09It's that time again.
40:11Please, will you make your way to the stage for the final task of the show?
40:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:23Who will read the task, young fellow, my lad?
40:25I think Anya's going to read it.
40:27OK.
40:29Demonstrate to the taskmaster the idiom demonstrated to you by your team-mate.
40:34All team members must remain silent and on their spots during a round.
40:39Best team wins.
40:41What is an idiom?
40:44Am I an idiom?
40:46They're just phrases.
40:47This is an idiom of something like jump on the bandwagon.
40:49And first up, it's going to be the team of two.
40:51I've got a list of phrases.
40:53I'm going to show you one, Maisie.
40:55You're going to demonstrate the idiom to your team-mate, Rhys Shearsmith.
40:59He will then, at the same time, do it to Greg.
41:02Essentially, charades with an extra link.
41:03OK.
41:04Greg, ready to guess?
41:05Oh, my God.
41:06OK, Rhys.
41:06I've never been radier.
41:07Here we go.
41:10Go.
41:19Rocking man.
41:22You can just copy her if you want.
41:28What do you think it is, Greg?
41:40What do you think it was in the end, Rhys?
41:42Because you're the only one who saw it.
41:44Something like a taste injection?
41:46A taste injection?
41:47He's just doing this.
41:48It's a phrase, so think about phrases.
41:50Yes.
41:51They've turned on each other.
41:52A taste.
41:53A taste of...
41:54Of your own injection.
41:55A taste of your own medicine.
41:57Oh, yeah.
41:57They scored zero, so can we have two of the team of three, please?
42:00If you can go and sit down and swap chairs.
42:01Shall we go for...?
42:02OK.
42:03OK.
42:03OK, so you've got to beat zero.
42:04Are you ready, Greg?
42:05Ready.
42:06Your time will start when you see the first one.
42:12Oh.
42:20Chat dog.
42:21Chat cat.
42:22Chat chat.
42:24Chat.
42:25Talk.
42:26Talk.
42:31Uh...
42:31Uh...
42:32Uh...
42:32Uh...
42:32Deer.
42:33Ram.
42:33The devil!
42:34Oh, so close!
42:36Oh!
42:37You were so close to it.
42:38What was it?
42:39I think Greg is the weak link in this.
42:43Get fucked am I!
42:44It was, of course, speak of the devil.
42:46Speak of the devil.
42:48The good news is, it's still nil-nil.
42:50You can go back to your seat.
42:51You can go back to your seat.
42:58Uh...
42:59Over.
43:00Go.
43:01Go.
43:03Go.
43:04Go on.
43:06Go on, A.
43:11A.
43:12Right.
43:15Go on, a wild goose shake.
43:18Go ahead!
43:20Go on!
43:21Good one, they're good one.
43:21The team's got one!
43:23Oh!
43:26You have the actor Sanjeev Bhaskar with me.
43:29Nice and quiet, everyone, please.
43:34First word.
43:36A.
43:37Oh.
43:39Moon.
43:40Hole.
43:41Leg.
43:43Knee.
43:45Thigh.
43:46Limb.
43:47Oh, shirt.
43:49Blue.
43:51Ten seconds. Moon.
43:53No blue moon.
43:55Five seconds.
43:57No balloon.
43:58No blue moon.
43:59A.
44:00One.
44:01First word.
44:02What is it?
44:03Once in a blue moon.
44:05Once in a blue moon.
44:05It was once a blue moon.
44:06It's one-nil with one round to go.
44:08Well done.
44:09That was great, Sanjeev.
44:10This is the last round.
44:11One-nil.
44:12So you need to build a lead here.
44:13Good luck, Greg.
44:14Good luck, Rhys.
44:15Good luck, mate.
44:20Cold.
44:21Cold.
44:21Cold foot.
44:22Cold shoe.
44:23Cold foot.
44:24Cold foot.
44:28Cold feet.
44:29Cold feet.
44:30Cold feet.
44:30Cold feet.
44:35Bite.
44:37Bite.
44:38Bite the bullet.
44:39Correct.
44:41Second hand.
44:43Tick.
44:43Listen.
44:44Tick.
44:44What's the time?
44:47Time to fly?
44:50It's party time.
44:52Oh!
44:53Oh, Greg!
44:56Time flies what you're having, Farrah.
45:00So far, 3-0 with one go to go.
45:03Ready, Greg?
45:04Yeah, I mean, yeah.
45:05Ready, Sanjeev?
45:06Ready, Phil?
45:12Bite.
45:15Pit.
45:16Okay.
45:17First word.
45:18Bye.
45:19Bye.
45:20The.
45:21Don't bite the hand that feeds you, surely.
45:26By the...
45:27Oh!
45:28By the spider.
45:33By the spider.
45:34By the...
45:34Oh, damn!
45:35What was it, Phil?
45:36It was...
45:37It was dead easy.
45:39By...
45:39Uh...
45:40Skin...
45:41Of...
45:41Your teeth.
45:42Yeah.
45:43I probably would have got that if it wasn't for this.
45:49Add that to the final scores.
45:50Come down and join me!
46:00Come on, mate.
46:01Okay.
46:01Well, scores-wise.
46:02Yeah.
46:03Well, it's up to you.
46:04The team of two got three right.
46:05The team of three got zero right.
46:07So, how do the points work?
46:08So, five points to the team that got some right,
46:10and no points to the ones who didn't get any all.
46:12Well done, Maisie and Rhys!
46:13Five points each!
46:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:19So, it's turned upside down, the two people at the bottom
46:22are now at the top.
46:22Maisie's in second place with 16 points,
46:24but the winner is Rhys with 17 points!
46:27CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:29Rhys Shearsmith has won!
46:31Please head up to secure your things with a surprise aspect of that!
46:38CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:39So, what have we learnt from today's show?
46:42We've learnt this.
46:43If you want to win in life, be more Sanjeev.
46:46Care less, win more.
46:49We've also learnt, don't tie your cat to a fence.
46:52Wow!
46:53LAUGHTER
46:54And let's not forget, this episode's winner, Rhys Shearsmith!
47:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:21APPLAUSE
47:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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