- 5 hours ago
The Heat After the AC Died Zenith Flicks
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Short filmTranscript
00:0898 degrees the AC in my room died this morning just gave out I hate this house the way it
00:17is
00:18now anyway I hate the day mom married Kevin and packed him and his quiet 30 another son into my
00:23life two years now every wrong thing under this roof started that day too hot to think
00:35I've kicked off my shorts a tank strap slipping off my shoulder and flopped back on the bed to call
00:44her
00:53mom my AC's broken I'm melting up here her end is all rattling carts and store announcements
01:00I know I know I'm at the store back soon have your brother look at it
01:10your brother those two words set me off but my brain won't listen it pulls him up before I can
01:17stop it he does HVAC fixes AC lines and pipes all day always slick with sweat last week in the
01:25kitchen head tipped back chugging ice water his throat working with every swallow a drop running
01:33down his jaw to his collar pine the muscle in his forearm bunching tight as he cranked a valve I
01:39press my thighs together and hate myself the second I do I hate him I really do so what
01:48the hell is this downstairs the front door clicks open the stairs grown step by step under someone
01:56much heavier than me that's when I remember what I'm wearing I lunge for the shorts on my chair too
02:04late the door swings open Samir work pants grey tank soaked through and clean every line of his
02:12chest and stomach right there toolbox in hand the hair at his forehead damp in strands I should look
02:19away I don't my eyes dragged down on their own his slick chest his tensed forearms and finally see
02:29something you like his voice comes out rough the corner of his mouth tipping up caught heat shoots
02:35all the way to my ears I ripped the blanket up over myself who who's looking at you don't flatter
02:42yourself he doesn't look away the smirk only deepens his throat moves once the AC he steps in drops the
02:52toolbox and looks down at me curled up small where is it over there I jerk my chin at the
03:01unit in the
03:02corner and pull the blanket tighter he doesn't move right away first those heavy eyes drag over me then
03:07he comes the unit sits high on the wall above my headboard my bed right under it the room small
03:16and a
03:17man his size only makes it smaller he takes one look and frowns get down why should I dig my
03:27heels in
03:28though it sounds hollow the moment it's out two years and this is all I know how to do with
03:33him
03:34bristle jab pushback mom remarried he and Kevin moved in and the house stopped being just hers and mine
03:44I came home for the summer wanting some quiet and now I share even my breathing room with this stranger
03:51I can dodge him for an afternoon not for the long line of summers after he doesn't argue one knee
03:59on
03:59the edge of the bed and he stretches up toward the unit I shrink into the corner but the bed's
04:05only so
04:05big as he leans the soaked gray tank brushes my shin heat sweat that sun warmed smell of him all
04:13of it
04:13crashing over me at once his arm works a screw overhead the muscle bunching and releasing inches
04:18from my face I hold my breath I don't dare move no one's downstairs mom's still at the store the
04:25whole
04:25house is quiet just my sun-baked bedroom door shut sealed off from the rest of the world the thought
04:31sends a hotter prickle up my back up here door closed whatever happens no one below would know
04:38move over he says low his elbow pressing toward me there's nowhere to go his hip is against my drawn
04:44up knees I'm wedged between him and the wall half of me pressed to his side I told you I
04:51can't get away
04:52from you he says glancing down his throat moving goes both ways he turns it a few times swears says
05:02the wiring's fried the whole thing has to come apart the minutes crawl the room's hot enough to swim in
05:07the two of us crammed into this scrap of space neither one talking my backs to the wall half of
05:12me against
05:13his sweat damp side the sweat glues us together skin to skin impossible to peel apart I should be
05:19disgusted I'm not I can feel the muscle in his side tighten with every turn of the screw that strength
05:25soaking through a thin film of sweat into my skin sinking low in my belly a picture rises before I
05:31can stop it if that hand weren't reaching for a screw overhead but sliding down my waist instead
05:36I kill the thought my face burns I hate him I think of the wedding day him standing there cold
05:42not even a
05:43hello two years ago I swore I'd never go soft for this man not once and right now my thighs
05:49are
05:49clamping together on their own the wet heat there is impossible to hide slick sticky mortifying
05:57it's the weather I lie to myself that's all just the heat irritated I try to shift to find room
06:04to
06:04breathe my knee moves and by accident grazes the inside of his thigh his hands stop the whole room
06:11goes still Becca his voice drops to gravel it travels straight down my ear into my spine you'd better not
06:18move I don't listen my heart slamming and something hotter than hate eggs me on I push out again elbow
06:24digging into his side on purpose the next second his free hand clamps down on my waist a hand big
06:29enough
06:30to span half of it too strong to fight and it hauls me back against him my gas jams in
06:35my throat my back
06:36hits his scalding sweat damp chest his heartbeat through two thin layers of cotton slams into my
06:41spine once again
06:47what are you doing I keep my voice down and claw at the arm locked across my waist
06:52it's cast iron it doesn't give I should break free drive an elbow into him call him a creep bolt
06:58downstairs but my body betrays me it sinks into him fitting against every scalding inch of him
07:04I can feel his breathing turn rough his chest rising and falling at my back
07:11he grunts my elbow jabbing his stomach and in the scramble quit it I won't give in and I'm even
07:18more
07:18scared he sees through me so I open my mouth for another jab nothing comes out his free hand lifts
07:24and closes around the front of my throat not hard but sure steady tipping the back of my head into
07:31the
07:31hollow of his shoulder every drop of blood in me runs cold then floods back scalding
07:38two years of fighting of cutting each other to the bone and he never once touched me but now his
07:45palm
07:45cradles my throat his thumb on the pulse going wild there and I'm not afraid being held completely in his
07:53hand helpless in his grip it turns me to water I'm in the same hell you are his mouth is
08:01at my ear his breath hot and
08:02horsey each word brended in but you are going to hold still his breath fans against the side of my
08:10face no more
08:11squirming no more little whimpers making it worse the hand on my throat tightens a fraction you hear me I
08:17try to nod only then
08:19does he ease off I guilt for air my heart wild enough to leap out of my chest
08:26for a long stretch I stay curled against him not daring to move his arm stays locked around my waist
08:31never once loosening and his thumb against the damp curve of my side moves slow up then down up then
08:37down every drag of it sends a current sliding down to the small of my back I clamp my thighs
08:42tighter
08:42and it only makes the want sharper I want more the thought scares me that's when downstairs the front
08:50door clicks open
08:56no no he didn't I call down forcing my voice into its usual annoyance he's probably off slacking
09:03somewhere again a beat of quiet below let me come up and look at it you can't sit in this
09:07heat
09:07the staircase creaks taking mom's weight one step my blood goes to ice I claw at his arm
09:17let go she's coming up let go of me he doesn't worse the hand that's been resting at my waist
09:24slides painfully slow down the line of my hip over my stomach over the dip of my hip bone lower
09:29still
09:30until it settles squarely over me through the thin fabric already soaked with sweat and something else
09:34my whole body bows tight a sharp high sound rushes up my throat I bite down on my lip and
09:39swallow it
09:39second stare creak he bends his head nose against my scalding ear and through the soaked fabric his
09:45palm grinds down on me not soft not hard once soaked like this and still lying that no one came
09:54up
09:54he breathes low and filthy smear it comes out a plea my voice in pieces please my mom
10:03his thumb presses again dragging a winner out of me before I can swallow it the hand doesn't move
10:07from where it is scared now third step mom's voice is closer
10:13he looks down at me held completely in his hand every breath a luxury now his eyes lit with something
10:20that makes me dizzy he leans to my ear word by word
10:24so how about you let your mom see exactly what you look like right now
10:39Becca why is this locked from the inside
10:45his palm is still on me grinding in that slow punishing way that has me shaking all over his
10:50breath brushes my ear answer her I'm changing I call out my voice in pieces it's too hot I'm not
11:00dressed don't come in mom this heat hurry up then come down and eat I got sandwiches and cold pasta
11:06salad
11:08step by step the stairs let her go soon there's the rustle of plastic bags the fridge opening and
11:13closing the threat ebbs I slump back against him ringed out gulping air furious and humiliated my eyes
11:20burning you're insane you actually would have he doesn't answer and he doesn't do what I expect
11:25doesn't let go and retreat behind the wall we've spent two years building he just holds me chin on my
11:31shoulder silent for a long time long enough that I can hear the fridge humming downstairs
11:35then he says it low without a trace of his usual sneer I don't want to let go
11:42I go rigid I twist around to look at him two years and I know every cruel thing he's ever
11:50said to me
11:51this wasn't a joke not even close
11:56we stay frozen like that downstairs mom's putting groceries away humming something tuneless
12:03the ac's still dead the heat lying thick on my skin but the heat running through me stopped being
12:09the weather a while ago I've been locked against him too long wound too tight now my lower back and
12:16the tops of my thighs start to cramp a deep dragging ache like the heaviness before my period I shift
12:22in
12:22small movements trying to work it loose don't move he says low but it's not his usual impatience
12:29it's horsey careful something I've never heard from him I shift again can't help it a small noun escapes
12:40both his thumbs have come to rest on the outsides of my thighs kneading slow back and forth the touch
12:46lifts
12:47every hair on me but the ache is worse I bite my lip and admit it my lower back and
12:53where my legs meet
12:54tense too long it aches I want to stretch but you're pinning me I can't move
13:02his hands pause on my legs bring your knees his voice drops lower up onto the bed
13:14I twist around to glare at him red faced and lost Neil Neil how he pats the narrow space along
13:22his
13:22thighs feet here then taps the mattress in front of me knees here when it hits me what he's asking
13:30my
13:30face goes up in flames but the ache is unbearable and somehow I do it his hands settle on my
13:35hips and
13:35guide me forward easing my feet up one at a time knees spreading by the time I catch up I'm
13:40straddling
13:40his lap with my back to him a position so shameful my toes curl lean back he draws me against
13:47his
13:47chest head back on my shoulder my throat's dry and I obey without knowing why the back of my head
13:54finds the hollow of his shoulder my whole spine rising and falling against his scalding sweat
13:59damp chest his hands lock on my hips and slowly he bears down lifting my lower body arching it back
14:04into a deep bow inch by inch my whole torso pulls open the ache I've held for so long lets
14:09go all
14:10at once so good my eyes well up a long moan slips out before I can stop it
14:19he curses low behind my ear his nose bearing into the side of my neck dragging once
14:24hard his breathing goes racket his hands press in harder deepening the arch once twice open release
14:31each one melts the ache into something else burning up from the base of my spine
14:37we hold it for almost a minute before the arms carrying me start to shake
14:42I'm smaller than him but I'm no slip of
14:44a girl holding me up in mid-air like this would wear anyone down I'm better now a lie my
14:52face
14:53burns he grunts and lowers me back onto his lap but his hands don't leave my hips I know exactly
14:58what
14:59it means still straddling him back turned and for some reason neither of us moves to fix it two years
15:05of fighting and this is the longest we've ever sat together without tearing each other apart that alone
15:10unsettles me thanks I say it at last barely a whisper he hums the stubble on his jaw drags across
15:18my cheek with it and a fine melting tingle races up my spine I know I have to push it
15:23down pretend I
15:24didn't feel it downstairs mom's still busy in the kitchen humming off key his long fingers in time with
15:31every breath I take slowly tighten on my hips the heavy ache starts pulsing back I can't help squirming
15:39still hurts
15:43sorry he hesitates then his hands come slowly around from my sides to the front of me drop your back
15:49down
15:51the rasp in his voice impossible to hide now lift your hips a little
15:57he pushes my tank up and slides both hands into my shorts his squirting thumbs find the two aching
16:03knots at the base of my spine and press in steady grinding down in slow circles my lips tremble
16:09I suck in a breath and a moan I can't hold pills out his thumbs circle leaning in harder grinding
16:15the
16:15stiff ache loose inch by inch I clamp down on my tongue downstairs the tap is running mom washing the
16:20produce please god she heard nothing he stills for a few seconds then he knees deeper faster his hands
16:26spreading wider outward downward my hips move with his rhythm on their own his thumbs are too close
16:32enough to turn me to water in that place with every circle of his hands betrays me getting hotter and
16:36hotter Samir his name comes out wrecked soft and clinging pleasure spreads in waves from where his fingers
16:45press melting every ache out of me I bite my lips between my teeth and strangle the next moan in
16:50my
16:50throat terrified they'll hear downstairs below the water surges louder and mom calls up just a few more
16:57minutes drowning out every sound I don't dare make and under that cover his hands the slides one inch lower
17:06his breathing changes too especially the moment he buries his face in the curve of my neck lips against
17:11my skin every hair on my nace stands up my whole spine shivers with that melting tingle then suddenly
17:15pulls his hands out of my shorts a small lost whimper leaks out of me before I can stop it
17:20the next second I want to disappear into the floor oh god he was just being decent for once working
17:25out a cramp and there I was panting and windering under his hands making those sounds I must have
17:31scared him off this silent stretches my heart still pounding over his hands over the mouth he'd press to
17:39my neck I get ready to pull away ready to say something ugly and that's when Samir's fingers hook
17:45the edge of my shorts and tug one inch down his warm mouth grazes my ear good girl he breathes
17:53low and
17:53rough lift your hips for me again good girl lift your hips for me again the words land somewhere deep
18:02inside me I squeeze my eyes shut trying to quiet my racing heart and instead I just obey lifting my
18:10hips
18:10shaking downstairs mom's voice suddenly rises
18:20it hits like a bucket of ice water over my head Samir goes rigid and I snap awake
18:26what am I doing my mom just got home she's right downstairs and here I am in my own room
18:31straddling
18:32my stepbrother lifting my hips because he told me to shame torches through me I shove his hands off
18:37scramble off his lap yank my shorts up not daring to look back I'm going down Becca he says behind
18:44me I
18:44don't stop but just before I pull the door open I look back at him after all he's on the
18:49wrecked bed
18:50chest heaving hair soaked eyes burning into me not a trace of the usual sneer just something scorching
18:55cut off mid-breath I flee straight down the stairs
19:02I don't taste a single bite of that lunch across from me mom rattles on the store had a sale
19:09the
19:10neighbors news why is your brother so quiet today I murmur back my whole heart still stuck in that
19:16burning room upstairs Samir sits at the other end eating with his head down silent but I can feel
19:22it every time mom looks away his eyes land on me heavy hot enough that I can barely hold my
19:30fork
19:31oh I have to go help your aunt move some things this afternoon she's swamped Becca you rest at home
19:35okay Samir you're home this afternoon if the ac's still not fixed call someone don't let your sister
19:42roast my grip on the fork jumps afternoon house just the two of us my head snaps up right into
19:49his
19:49eyes looking at me past my mother he says nothing just the faintest tip of his mouth aimed at me
19:55and
19:55the string in me that just snap pulls tight again humming
20:01the second mom's out the door the house goes so quiet there's nothing left but my own heartbeat
20:09I shut myself in my room back to the door telling myself I'm going nowhere and opening for no one
20:16this morning's madness never happened I hate him I have to remember I hate him but my body won't obey
20:24just remembering the heat of his palm that good girl and my legs start to give again
20:29the stairs crack step by step taking the weight I can't escape
20:34the footsteps stop outside my door open up his voice comes through the wood low rough leaving no room
20:43to refuse no I brace against the door but my voice is laughably thin go away I hate you
20:52a beat of silence outside
20:56Becca his voice drops to almost nothing each word like it's spoken against my ear
21:00the way you looked this morning didn't look like hate my face goes up in flames my heart slamming till
21:08it aches I stare at my own hand on the lock watch it beyond my control slowly turn it open
21:21the instant the door gives he's through it I step back he steps in and in three strides
21:29he's backs me into the corner one hand braced on the wall by my head caging me between him and
21:35the
21:35plaster heat sweat that scent that's only his everywhere
21:44what you didn't finish saying this morning he bends down nose nearly to mine his breath scalding say it now
21:51say say whether you hate me he cuts me off a certainty in his voice that lifts every hair on
21:58me look at me and say it
22:04I lift my eyes to his two years of resentment every I'm fine I ever fed my mother and this
22:10morning's surrender
22:11I'd die before admitting all of it jams in my throat the word comes out shaking apart I he waits
22:17eyes locked on
22:18me without a blink the hand on the wall corded with tension I close my eyes and let it go
22:22the truth
22:23I've held for two years and the last of my dignity with it I don't know I hear my own
22:27voice tremble I
22:29just know don't let go again his breath catches the next second he's kissing me pressing me into the wall
22:39Becca I forgot my keys are they on the entry table
22:43we both freeze his mouth still on mine my fists still in his tank both of us breathing hard chest
22:50against rising chest
22:51one wall and one staircase away my mother's ordinary afternoon voice knowing nothing
22:58it cracks through me like thunder jolting me out of the heat that was about to swallow me whole
23:03I shove him off frantically fixing my clothes and my breath my voice shaking as I call down
23:09they're they're on the entry table just grab them mom got him okay I'm off
23:17the whole house sinks back into scalding silence I lean against the wall legs too weak to hold me
23:23and look up at him he's looking back and what's churning in his eyes burns hotter than the 98 degree
23:29day
23:30neither of us says a word but we both know that near miss one wall away didn't put us out
23:37it lit something for good the summer's only just begun
23:42and this door of mine will never quite shut again
23:48that night at dinner I can barely sit still the ac finally got fixed that afternoon the four of us
23:54around
23:54the table mom on my left busy topping off everyone's plate kevin across from me head down over
23:59his food and samir right at my side on the surface everything's normal mom rattles on about the
24:04neighbors kevin grunts now and then some dull reevoi playing in the background I stare at my plate trying
24:10to look like I have at every meal for two years at war with the stepbrother beside me too disdainful
24:14to
24:14spare him a glance but under the tablecloth it's another world his hand has settled on my knee my fork
24:19stops in midair I try to brush him off without a flicker on my face he doesn't budge his palm
24:24is
24:24hot enough to feel through my dress slowly he slides it an inch up my thigh oh mom speaks up
24:32and I nearly come out of my chair is the ac all sorted did your brother do okay up there
24:37in that
24:37exact second his hand climbs another half inch stops high on my thigh and presses down with meaning
24:42like he knows precisely what he's doing to me I grip my fork and force my voice flat as dead
24:47water
24:48hmm it's fine passable passable samir's coughs beside me cold as if we're actually fighting not
24:56even turning his head still as ungrateful as ever above the table we're still the step siblings who
25:01can't share a room beneath it his thumb grinds slow circles into the inside of my thigh through the dress
25:07i stab at something and shove it in my mouth without tasting it my face is burning i gulp water
25:13to put it out but my throat's bone dry i set down my fork my voice unsteady mom i'll go
25:20get something
25:20to drink i'm practically fleeing as i stand and as i turn for the kitchen i see it clearly samir
25:28in no
25:29hurry at all setting down his fork too a half wall counter separates the kitchen from the dining room
25:37back to the doorway i grip the counter shut my eyes and breathe deep trying to push down the
25:42heat in my face and the chaos in my chest behind me the floor gives the fladest creek before i
25:48can
25:48turn two hands brace the counter's edge caging me between him and the counter his chest against my
25:54back his chin on my shoulder his voice barely there breath brushing my ear running from what you're
26:01insane i grip the counter hardly daring to make a sound right there one ball away i know he laughs
26:09low the vibration traveling down my spine into me he touches nothing else just drags his nose painfully
26:15slow over the skin behind my ear so you'll have to hold it in same as under the table just
26:20now every
26:21drop of blood in me rushes to my face from the living room the tv the on and off murmur
26:26of mom and
26:27kevin drifts over clear as day close enough that one lifted head one turn my breath shakes
26:35he leans closer pressing me into the cold counter's edge his voice full of knowing amusement
26:42shaking like this are you scared of getting caught he pauses we're scared i'll stop
26:50i can't answer because i don't have an answer to either from the dining room comes the scrape of a
26:57chair leg on the floor becca mom calls the drinks are on the bottom shelf of the fridge can't you
27:03find
27:03them we both go still found found them i blurred it squeezing out from between him and the counter
27:12yanking open the bottom shelf grabbing two sparkling waters at random only when the cold bottles hit my
27:18scalding palms do i get a sliver of my mind back samir steps back unhurried and pulls a beer from
27:27the
27:27fridge as if he weren't the one who just had me print to the counter i carry the water back
27:34to the table
27:34my legs still unsteady but this time mom doesn't pick her chatter back up
27:41she sets down her forks and look between me and samir from my flushed face to the faint mark on
27:47the
27:48side of his neck i only now notices left there at some point i can't place you too she says
27:53slowly
27:54her tone impossible to read why aren't you fighting today the air locks kevin looks up too my heart pounds
28:02in my ears two years and we've never had a quiet meal at this table today's silence is the biggest
28:06tell of all fight about what samir says it first flat as if he's remarking on the weather can't be
28:13bothered with her exactly i jump in chin up packing every ounce of panic into the familiar jab like i'd
28:22want to talk to him mom watches us for a long time then she smiles and picks her fork back
28:30up good
28:32we're family no need to be at each other's throats all the time but the moment she looks down i
28:39catch
28:39kevin's eyes he says nothing just lingers a thoughtful second on that faint mark on his son's neck under the
28:45table samir's knee bumps mine very lightly as if to say careful and also this isn't over
28:54that night i can't sleep turning over and over not just from the unspent restlessness humming under my
29:00skin all night from mom's look at the table and kevin's one second pause two fine needles in the
29:07softest part of my chest i start thinking things i've never let myself think what if we get caught
29:19to mary kevin mom rebuilt her whole life from when i was 16 sold the old house moved to this
29:26strange
29:27city learned at 40 to be a newlywed again so carefully she tried to weld two families into one home
29:34and here i am planting a bomb under it in the most unforgivable way there is
29:40i hate samir that's what i've told myself and told my mother for two years now i finally see it
29:48that hate was laced with something else from the start i hated him barging in because i couldn't stop
29:57looking at him i went toe to toe with him because it was the only way i dared get close
30:03i dressed up my wanting as loathing and kept it up for two whole years until i nearly believed it
30:09myself
30:10in the hall the floor creaks
30:14my doorknob turns very lightly locked then a small folded note slides in under the door
30:25barefoot i slip off the bed pick it up unfold it in the moonlight
30:34samir's handwriting one line they're both out tomorrow all day i hold the note standing on the
30:41cold floor my heart nearly bursting through my chest outside not a breath of summer wind
30:48and i know perfectly clearly tomorrow i won't lock the door by early the next morning the house is
30:57empty mom and kevin head out with their bags to help my aunt move on the way mom pokes her
31:02head up
31:02the stairs sort out your own lunch there's food in the fridge then the garage door rumbles down and the
31:08engine fades then the whole house is quiet enough that all that's left is my own breathing
31:15i don't lock the door i lie on the bed staring at the ceiling and hear his door open downstairs
31:24footsteps step by step climbing slow stopping outside mine the knob turns it opens samir stands in the
31:33doorway backlit by the window and looks at me a long time neither of us speaks two years of friction
31:40last night's last night's note the empty house silence all of it pressed into these few steps
31:46between us come here i hear myself say it soft but without a shred of hesitation
31:57he crosses to me sits on the end of the bed and tucks a damp strand of hair behind my
32:02ear
32:03a gesture too gentle to be his i thought about it all night i look at him and finish the
32:10sentence
32:11i've hidden for two years i don't hate you i never really did his throat works he leans down forehead
32:21to
32:21mine our breaths tangling same his voice is almost too hosky to hear from the day you stood at that
32:31wedding at 16 and glared at me i was done for he kisses me this time there are no footsteps
32:41below no
32:42voice about to call us no threat waiting to puncture everything just a room full of summer light and two
32:49people who don't have to pretend anymore the camera holds outside the drawn curtains
32:56for the next few days we live inside a stolen scalding bubble by day the parents are at work
33:02and the house is ours but the sweeter it gets the tighter the string in me pulls because i know
33:07this bubble is borrowed and sooner or later it comes due the faint mark on samir's neck fades
33:13and a new one takes its place he keeps saying it's fine but i start checking his collar before
33:18every meal without thinking and checking my own face we relearn how to bicker at the table except
33:26now every jab is a code only the two of us can read the change starts on a saturday mom
33:34suddenly
33:34doesn't go in she sits on the living room couch watching samir and me come down the stairs one after
33:40the other something in her eyes i can't read becca she pats the seat beside her sit keep me company
33:49a
33:50minute samir's step hitches almost imperceptibly before he keeps going toward the kitchen i sit
33:57my heart's going wild
34:04lately mom takes my hand her voice light but every word a hundred pounds
34:08is something weighing on you
34:14half the blood drains out of me no i manage a smile what would i have on my mind mom
34:20looks at me a
34:20long time then lets out a soft sigh when you were 16 i moved us here and you hated me
34:25for a long time
34:26her eyes drift to the window i know for my own happiness i pulled you up by the roots from
34:31everything
34:31familiar dropped you into a strange house gave you a strange brother
34:39all these years i felt i owed you my throat tightens i can't speak i just want you to be
34:45happy becca
34:47she turns back her eyes shining really happy not the put on i'm fine you show me in that instant
34:55i almost
34:55tell her everything almost lay it all out two years of pretending these scalding few days the knot of
35:02joy and fear tangled in my chest but i look at that careful light in her eyes the light of
35:07a woman who
35:08gave everything for this family and i swallow the words
35:17i'm happy mom i hug her bury my face in her shoulder my voice shaking really
35:26at the foot of the stairs samir stair stands holding two glasses of water motionless he heard
35:35he heard all of it
35:43that night another note slides under my door
35:48this one is four words we need to talk
35:58we meet in the garage out back the one place in this house the parents won't think of and can't
36:04hear this can't keep going or it'll blow up samir leans against the workbench his voice heavy your face
36:10today your mom will see through it sooner or later so what do you want to do i cross my
36:14arms my voice
36:15sharp even as my heart drops i don't know for once he looks at a loss dragging a hand down
36:24his
36:24face i just know i don't want to keep you hidden turn you into some secret that can't see daylight
36:31you shouldn't have to be that i freeze but what can we do my voice trembles tell them becca and
36:38samir
36:38the step siblings are together picture my mom's face she welded two families into one home and it cost
36:44her everything one sentence from us and it all shatters the garage goes quiet only the light overhead
36:52buzzing what if he says suddenly looking at me his eyes frighteningly serious we weren't step siblings
36:59what do you mean
37:03in september i start the project out in tucson
37:06my own place my own life word by word i won't live in this house anymore
37:13we won't be siblings under one roof once the dust settles once you graduate too we can start over
37:20as something we don't have to hide i look at him my heart aching with each beat
37:25it's the first time i realize he isn't after this stolen summer he's after the after
37:35but some things don't wait for you to be ready
37:39it's a tuesday evening i think the house is empty and come out of the bathroom and nothing but a
37:45towel
37:46and there's samir waiting in the hall he backs me to the wall forehead to mine both of us grinning
37:52like kids who swiped candy neither of us hear kevin's car home early below or his footsteps on the stairs
38:08samir the instant his father's voice sounds from the end of the hall the whole world stops
38:14we spring apart too late kevin stands at the top of the stairs looking at his son half wrapped around
38:21me in a towel his son's hand still at my waist and his face freezes then breaks inch by inch
38:30what are you two doing no music to cover it
38:37no door to block it no excuse that holds this time we're truly seen
38:48that night is the longest of my life kevin calls mom home the four of us sit in the living
38:54room
38:55under a harsh white light mom's face goes from confusion to disbelief to something i'll never forget heartbreak
39:05how long mom i asked how long
39:13this summer
39:15samir speaks first stepping in front of me as if to shield me
39:21i started it blame me no
39:26i grab his hand my voice shaking but holding not just him us mom i know this is hard to
39:35take
39:35we're not blood but we became siblings inside your marriage to kevin
39:42i know how absurd that is how much it hurts mom covers her face her shoulders shaking hard
39:49kevin can't get out a single word just stares at the floor
39:53i spent two years pretending to hate him because i knew from the start it was wrong
39:58but mom i can't keep pretending in the living room all that's left is mom stifled crying
40:03in that moment i finally understand what a price is it isn't the thrill of getting caught
40:07it's watching the person you love most break because of you
40:14for the next two weeks the house is frozen over mom barely speaks to me
40:21not anger the harder kind of silence kevin moves into the study to sleep
40:28samir moves up his transfer to tucson and we agree until the dust settles neither of us crosses a single
40:34line it's the penance we set for ourselves i think this is how the family splits apart
40:43the bomb i planted with my own hands finally went off but one night going down for water i find
40:50mom
40:50alone in the kitchen two untouched cups of tea in front of her sit
40:58i sit and wait for the verdict when i was 19 i fell for someone everyone said i shouldn't
41:08my mother your grandmother wouldn't speak to me for three years i thought i'd long forgotten that
41:14feeling knowing it in your heart and not being able to tell a soul i'm not giving you my blessing
41:19she looks at me exhaustion struggle and a small loosening i need time kevin needs more
41:28this may not be fixable and you should be ready for that
41:33but i won't force you to keep playing i'm fine anymore
41:36my tears come all at once it isn't forgiveness but it's a beginning
41:44in september samir moves out we don't say goodbye in secret in front of mom and kevin he loads the
41:51last box into the car then comes to me and under both their eyes says it plainly i'll wait for
41:58this
41:58family to take its time for you to graduate i won't rush it but i won't pretend none of this
42:03happened
42:03either kevin turns his face away and says nothing but he doesn't stop it mom stands on the porch
42:08arms around himself watching us after a long moment she gives the faint barely perceptible nod
42:13the car pulls away that stolen scalding summer is over but strangely i don't feel the emptiness i
42:20expected because this time his leaving isn't running isn't an ending it's the two of us choosing
42:26together the harder road we can walk in the open i turn to go in mom stops me at the
42:32door hesitates
42:34then reaches out to smooth the hair the wind has must the same gesture exactly as that morning two
42:41months ago except this time neither of us have to pretend anymore
42:47what follows is a long year samir in tucson me at school
42:54we keep it clean almost like we're meeting each other for the first time
42:58calls texts the occasional weekend at a cafe where no one knows us like two ordinary adults finally
43:05doing this right the ice at home melts slowly
43:13kevin gives first one thanksgiving at the table he asks for the first time unprompted
43:20how's samir doing and something starts to seep into mom's silence too
43:26she begins asking if i'm okay and when she asks her eyes are really on me
43:31not every story gets a clean tidy forgiveness our family welded its cracks back together inch by patient
43:38inch some places will always carry the scar
43:44but a scar is proof of healing too
43:50the next summer i graduate
43:57on graduation day mom and kevin are in the audience
44:02and beside them at a respectable distance samir
44:10there is someone who doesn't have to hide anymore
44:15that summer is brutally hot again i moved to tucson a small apartment a 10 minute walk from samir's place
44:22we don't live together mom said to take it slow and we both agreed
44:29on moving day the ac breaks i collapse among the boxes dizzy with heat and somehow think of that
44:37identical afternoon two years ago lying in a stifling room hating a man unable to stop pressing my thighs
44:45together i laugh out loud then i pick up my phone and text him my ac is broken over here
44:54minutes later familiar footsteps come up the stairs step by step
45:01the doors unlock he stands in the doorway toolbox in hand gray tank hair soaked at the forehead
45:09identical to the first glimpse of him that summer except this time he isn't the stranger who barged
45:14into my life and took my mother and he isn't the stepbrother i have to pretend to hate where's it
45:19broken
45:22i look at him the man i resisted with two years of pretending and then fought for with all the
45:26honesty i had after and the thing that caught fire in me that scalding summer burns now steady and sure
45:34come here i'll show you
45:36come here outside the window summer is just beginning and this time we have all the time in the world
45:46so
45:51so
45:52so
45:52so
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