- 3 hours ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:19THE END
00:32Monster!
00:34You're monster!
01:26You little!
01:32Oh, the fuck!
01:49Sorry, I know, I've locked myself out.
01:51I was just putting something in the bin and then click.
01:55So what's one's a ladder?
01:57Um, no, I don't think I've got any windows open.
02:01I just need to phone my friend Stephanie.
02:03Remember her, my best mate?
02:04She's got a spare key.
02:04I mean, I've got a spare key, but guess what it is?
02:07In the house.
02:09Find out how good that is.
02:12Yeah, look, you better get in on you.
02:33Sorry, George, I've got locked out.
02:37You're a bit stupid.
02:40How are you doing?
02:41How's school?
02:41It's college now.
02:42College!
02:43Good.
02:44Well done.
02:45Yeah.
02:48No, but I don't know her number.
02:51I mean, who knows numbers anymore, but I remember she did that charity thing with Marie.
02:54You know, I remember the kids breakfast thing, so I thought she might have it.
02:57Marie's in work.
02:58I know.
02:59So, could you...
03:06Clive?
03:10I'm busy.
03:11What is it?
03:12Yeah, I've got Leo from next door standing here.
03:15In his pants.
03:17Yeah, he's locked himself out.
03:19You know why that is, don't you?
03:21Because Bridget was on WhatsApp two minutes ago.
03:23I'm trying to do my job, but it's ping, ping, ping, all about him from next door.
03:26Because you know what she said.
03:28Guess what she saw, Bridget?
03:33Is that right?
03:36What do you mean running?
03:38Running out of the house?
03:40It was.
03:43And then what happened?
03:46Leo is running.
03:49Yeah, no, he said you've got his friend's number, but, um, Stephanie?
03:54Yeah, yeah, that's the one.
03:55Yeah, no, but she's got the key, so just, uh, text her to me.
03:59Bridget?
04:01Opposite?
04:02She says there was a man, came running out of your house, and then you came running after
04:06him, but he ran off, so, uh, that's how you got locked down.
04:09Great.
04:11Hem.
04:13Morning.
04:14Hi.
04:14It's quite nice.
04:16I've never tried Gooning before.
04:19Not as a couple.
04:20Um, can I get your coffee, or...?
04:23Yeah.
04:23Uh, Black.
04:24Thanks.
04:26Eddie.
04:26Leo.
04:27And so on.
04:29Um, I'd offer you some toast, but I don't have anything in.
04:34I wasn't expecting anyone overnight.
04:35Kinda surprised me, now that I'm complaining.
04:49Little...
04:50That was my friend, um, Eddie, and he was staying with me, and, uh, he went.
04:56I waved him goodbye, and that's when I, uh, took out the paper stuff.
05:01Thanks for the bin.
05:06Oh, whoa.
05:08Stephanie.
05:13I know, but I'm in my pants and I have to open up at work.
05:17I know you're busy.
05:18I'm sorry, but, hold on.
05:20Hold on.
05:22What you doing?
05:24Um, I got, I got locked out.
05:27You weirdo.
05:31Steph, Steph.
05:32I'll take us away at Christmas, I swear.
05:33I'll pee.
05:33Just get me out of here.
05:41Right.
05:42Good.
05:43Uh, she has a key.
05:44Saul, I don't think you should be naked in front of Mr Struthers.
05:46Doesn't bother me.
05:47Yeah, well, it bothers me, so go and get some clothes on, eh?
05:52Hello!
05:53Hey!
05:54That's enough.
05:56I apologise for my son.
05:59Thanks.
06:04Um, it's definitely, it'll be around about 20 minutes.
06:07She's wrapping something up at work and then she's coming over.
06:09Just put the keys in an Uber.
06:10Ah, she thinks they're all anti-union, she won't touch them, so.
06:13Alright, if I just wait here?
06:14No.
06:16Okay, it's just for 20 minutes.
06:18Yeah, no, I need to get to work in a bit.
06:19I can just sit and watch TV.
06:21Hey, George, what time are you at college?
06:23Eleven.
06:23Yeah, you can't sit here with him.
06:25Why not?
06:27You're sixteen.
06:48Hey.
06:49Mmm.
06:50God.
06:52Where'd you get the jacket?
06:53No.
06:54The guy next door, he was not happy, let me tell you.
06:56His wife was almost angry.
06:59I'm surprised they're still together after what happened.
07:02There's a hook-up.
07:03Got it.
07:03He nicked my laptop and ran off.
07:05I ran after him and got locked out.
07:32I'm disgraceful.
07:32You're lucky.
07:33Could've been a lot worse.
07:35I mean, you're sixty next year.
07:37God's sake.
07:37I'm allowed to have fun.
07:39What, like this?
07:40Really?
07:42He's not coming back, Steph.
07:45Did you see on Instagram?
07:46Curtis in Italy.
07:48With her.
07:50So, why are you surprised what happened next door with Clive Goss?
07:53Goss the boss.
07:54He slept with someone else.
07:56Did he?
07:57On holiday in a caravan.
07:59Oh, no.
08:00I mean, the mansion.
08:01I don't know what else is there to do but fuck around.
08:05If you think about it, they've got a son of what?
08:09Twenty-five.
08:10But the other one's only fifteen.
08:11Sixteen.
08:12So, that age gap means marriage in crisis.
08:14Having another child never fixes anything.
08:16Do you eat too much cheese?
08:18Well, not anymore.
08:21How's work?
08:23It's insane.
08:25Thanks to you lot.
08:26What does that mean?
08:28That's all your fault, isn't it?
08:31What is?
08:34We got this kid in care now.
08:36He arrived in Britain in December.
08:38But he's on that scheme, so there's no records.
08:41Says he's fourteen.
08:43Is he fuck fourteen?
08:44He's got a moustache.
08:45He's got a beard.
08:47He's twenty-one, at least.
08:49But he says he's fourteen, so fourteen it is.
08:51And he is in there with the kids.
08:54And he's taking the boys out drinking.
08:57Don't tell me there's no drugs.
08:59There are drugs.
09:01But it's the way he looks at the girls.
09:05And he's always outside the bathroom.
09:06Every time a girl has a shower, he's standing there, grinning.
09:09But that's just the beginning, cos this boy, this man,
09:13is on top of the list to be fostered.
09:16Which means I have to process that application.
09:18And these foster families, they've got daughters.
09:22But what do I tell them?
09:24I can't warn them.
09:25I'm not allowed.
09:26Cos he says he's fourteen, and therefore it's a fact.
09:29So what can I do?
09:31Nothing.
09:32And how is this my fault?
09:34He self-identifies.
09:36Which you lot invented.
09:38Thanks very much.
09:54Hey, how are you doing?
09:57This is the love of my life.
09:59It would never work.
10:00Thank God.
10:00Are you?
10:01Yeah.
10:19Morning.
10:21What time do you call this?
10:23Cheesy out to open up, boss.
10:24I was waiting outside.
10:25Hello, Steve.
10:27Morning, everybody.
10:28Morning, boss.
10:29So.
10:30I finished your lunch.
10:31Last night.
10:32I was going to go straight home.
10:33Then I thought, oh, quick little snifter at Monroe's.
10:35Met a man called Eddie.
10:37Tall, thin.
10:38Hot.
10:39Chat, chat, chat.
10:40Ninety minutes later.
10:41Took him home.
10:42You didn't.
10:43I did.
10:44Wild sex.
10:45I will draw a veil.
10:46Then this morning we get up, go downstairs.
10:48He grabs my laptop and runs into the street.
10:52I run after him.
10:52The door closes behind me.
10:53I'm locked out of my own house.
10:55Stark naked.
10:56Oh, my God.
10:57Stark bollock naked in the street.
11:00All I could do was steal a garden gnome from next door to hide my privates.
11:04I said to God, I'm in the middle of the street.
11:06My arse hanging out.
11:08And a garden gnome hiding my Kenny Badenobs.
11:11Wait, there's more.
11:12There's more.
11:13So I go next door.
11:14There's the neighbour's son, fresh out of the shower.
11:18Dripping.
11:1925 years old.
11:21Pink.
11:21Wet.
11:22Topless.
11:23Well, I tell you, all of a sudden that garden gnome had a fishing rod.
11:27What a start to the day.
11:30I thank you.
11:33Woo!
11:34What a laugh!
11:41Hannah, what happened yesterday?
11:43I had a headache.
11:45Well, that is what the sick line is for.
11:47You don't ask Tanya to pass on a message.
11:49You phone the sick line.
11:51Because I've always got it.
11:52If I don't have it, Judy's got it.
11:53And we need to know properly so we can get cover.
11:55Understood?
11:56Yep.
11:57Good.
11:57What?
11:58This is Frederick.
11:59He's been waiting.
12:00You were supposed to interview him at half past.
12:02Oh, right, right.
12:03Ah, first customer of the day.
12:05Morning, Melba.
12:06The usual.
12:07Louise, can you sort out the dame?
12:10I'm on it.
12:11So, Frederico.
12:12Have you worked in a bar before?
12:14Yeah, I did two weeks at Pinnacle.
12:15Why'd you leave?
12:16They sacked me.
12:17Good start.
12:18All right, let's do this on the hoof.
12:20Come behind the bar.
12:20Come on.
12:22So, what do Pinnacle pay you?
12:24Ten.
12:24We pay twelve, but that means you have to work for it.
12:26So, come on, show me.
12:27Get me a WKD, a gin and tonic, and vodka lime.
12:30Both with ice.
12:31Except we don't have any ice.
12:32Mikey, can you get the ice?
12:34Morning, boss man.
12:35Basically, we're a speed bar.
12:37We don't do cocktails.
12:38The nearest thing we do is a Blue Lagoon.
12:39But not from a shaker.
12:41We don't have time for that.
12:41Just pour it straight into the glass.
12:43Do you know what's in a Blue Lagoon?
12:45No.
12:45Vodka, curacao, and lemonade.
12:48So, what do you do?
12:49Are you a student?
12:49Yeah.
12:50What are you studying?
12:50Philosophy.
12:51Ooh, philosophy.
12:53You know my philosophy?
12:54I can imagine.
12:55Fuck them all.
12:56I was right.
12:58Ah!
12:59Okay.
13:00Electric shock.
13:01Ah, you see?
13:02Well, you get that fuse box.
13:03I told you, boss.
13:04It's happening all the time.
13:05Ah.
13:06You're right, Freddie.
13:07It's a bit numb.
13:08Okay.
13:08Let's do a little test to see if you were listening.
13:10So, tell me, Fred, in a Blue Lagoon there is vodka, curacao, and what?
13:16I've got no feeling in my hand.
13:18Have I lost you?
13:20It really shocked me.
13:23Okay.
13:24All right.
13:25Do you want a little lie down in a glass of water, Freddie?
13:27Hannah, get this boy a seat.
13:29Go on.
13:29Put your feet up, young man.
13:30You have just survived death by fridge.
13:33Yeah, I am a bit unsteady.
13:39See, we leave a word with Hannah.
13:40She's taking the piss.
13:41You can't keep missing shits like this.
13:42Taking the piss.
13:43They keep missing shits.
13:44All right.
13:45Oh, come on, though, boss.
13:46Not you.
13:47Honestly, Zee.
13:49Your tribe is the most beleaguered on the entire planet.
13:51And what do you do?
13:52The one thing that is guaranteed to annoy everyone.
13:55You fiddle about with your pronouns, and now everyone's pissed off with you.
13:58My GP stopped prescribing oestrogen.
14:00But never mind that, eh?
14:01You're pissed off about one little word.
14:04Yeah, I know.
14:05Okay.
14:06I'm getting old.
14:09Hello, sick line?
14:10Hiya.
14:12Frederick?
14:14You're calling in sick?
14:16I don't feel very well.
14:18The sick line is for employees.
14:19Yes.
14:20But according to the employment law of 2024...
14:24Don't you dare.
14:24Despite the 26th amendment...
14:26Fucking Labour government.
14:27...we've got full workers' rights from day one,
14:29which starts at the point of interview.
14:31And I was just electrocuted.
14:33I should...
14:34I should get compensation for that.
14:36You little...
14:37You little...
14:40Okay.
14:42Freddie.
14:43I think you should go home and consider your position.
14:53Thank you for the interview.
14:55I'll let you know.
14:58You're letting you know.
14:59Legacy of gear bloody stormer.
15:01You come to Manchester and run a bar your lordship.
15:05Yeah.
15:06This is Leo.
15:07Over.
15:07Could you come up here boss?
15:09We'll bring Z with you.
15:09We've got a problem.
15:10Over.
15:12What have you done now?
15:153am.
15:15We're locking up.
15:17That's when you said goodbye Z.
15:19Me and Mikey head out the front.
15:22You slip into that quarter turn where there's no camera.
15:24And that's when you stay all night.
15:25Oh I see.
15:26Darling.
15:28This morning 9am.
15:29I open up.
15:30I go upstairs.
15:32You pretend to arrive.
15:34And you shout upstairs, say hello.
15:35And I said hello.
15:36So you...
15:38You slept in that tiny little space.
15:40I thought you were the clever one.
15:41What happened?
15:44They said they were gonna kill me.
15:47This Polish lad moved in.
15:49And he was alright at first.
15:51But then three of his mates moved in.
15:53So it was house share with four of them.
15:54And one of me.
15:56And we'd laugh you know.
16:00But then they said we were like brothers.
16:02Oh they knew.
16:04And then it gets worse.
16:06They get drunk.
16:07Start panging on my door every night.
16:10I'm gonna fuck you little boy.
16:12Jesus.
16:14First lad Mikhal.
16:17He said I am gonna fuck you.
16:19Until you're dead.
16:24From that moment on they just wanna kill me.
16:27He said they were gonna cut my throat.
16:30Can't you go to the police?
16:32Yeah.
16:33That'll really help.
16:34He can stay with Ashraf.
16:35He's got a room.
16:36He can stay there.
16:36I'll have a word.
16:37All my stuff's in that house.
16:40Then let's go get it.
16:42Okay everybody.
16:44Please.
16:45Don't sit.
16:53At the end?
16:54He'll be asleep.
16:55Be getting at four.
16:56Sleep till four.
16:57Just keep quiet.
17:00Alright let's go.
17:30Hurry up.
17:31Hurry up.
17:31Hurry up.
17:31Hurry up.
17:32Hurry up.
17:34Hurry up.
17:36This isn't that room.
17:37It's a box.
17:39And they all live like this.
17:40The kids.
17:40This is what we did to them.
17:44Okay.
17:48Hi.
17:50Uh.
17:51Good afternoon.
17:52My friend.
17:53We're not causing any trouble here.
17:54Just helping our colleague.
17:56Just a few texts and we'll be gone.
17:59You know I've always wanted to visit Poland.
18:01What would you recommend?
18:03Michael!
18:04Come on.
18:05Michael!
18:05Come on.
18:05Come on.
18:08Come on.
18:10Who are you?
18:11In my house.
18:12Who the fuck are you Grandad?
18:13You try it.
18:15You fucking try it.
18:17You muck.
18:18Ah.
18:19The ladyboy.
18:20Gonna fuck you with that big stick ladyboy.
18:22I'm telling you.
18:28I can't stop all of ya.
18:30But you Bartek.
18:32I can get you you little twat.
18:33And they can kill me.
18:35And rip my head off my body.
18:37But before I die.
18:38I will batter your tiny little skull.
18:42Into pieces you fucking prick.
18:44I'm sick.
18:45What the fuck?
18:46You're sick!
18:46I'm sick!
18:47Go!
18:47Go!
18:48Jesus Christ!
18:50Jimmy!
18:50Run!
18:52Go!
18:53Go!
18:54Go!
18:55Go!
19:14Beauty!
19:15Drive the car!
19:21Look at that!
19:46BANG!
19:52SCREAMS
19:53SCREAMS
19:54SCREAMS
20:01SCREAMS
20:04SCREAMS
20:08SCREAMS
20:10Well, give us a key then.
20:12Um, you said you had a spare key, you might as well give it to me, might you?
20:15Um, well, I'm not going to lock myself out again, Clive.
20:20Oh, whatever you do.
20:24Okay.
20:25Here you go.
20:27Uh, what's your alarm code?
20:31Yeah, uh, okay, 1502.
20:34Oh, I'm your coat.
20:38What a day I've had.
20:41Thanks very much for this morning.
20:44That's very kind of you.
20:46So do I get a key for yours?
20:48You wish.
21:00How are we going?
21:03I'm scared.
21:04I'm too much one of you tonight.
21:06You have a drink?
21:07Me and Mike, why are the guys in here?
21:23I'm going to swap this for Donna and go upstairs, is that okay?
21:26Okay, sure.
21:26Anything wrong?
21:27There's a boy over there.
21:28Don't walk in the polo shirt.
21:30I teach him.
21:31Has he seen you?
21:31Look straight through me.
21:34Do you think he's gay?
21:35No chance.
21:36He's out to impress the girls.
21:37But if he recognizes me, I'm in trouble.
21:39I'm not just at school.
21:41Never mind that I'm his teacher.
21:42He knows where I live.
21:44When you go?
21:45See you later, boss.
21:50Okay, I'm off.
21:52NightNet says that gang of gypsies has moved to Deansgate instead, so I think we're going
21:55to be safe.
21:56So I will love you and leave you, my peasants.
21:58Sam, boss.
22:01Oh.
22:04Oh.
22:20Happy birthday, mama.
22:23Wake up!
22:25I don't know.
22:27Oh, yeah.
22:28Boys.
22:30Oh, this is bullshit.
22:32Sugar.
22:32There you are.
22:34Oh, no, I'm having a time.
22:36We're trying to come in.
22:37Come on.
22:43Oh.
23:03Oh, so I went to the optician the other day, because you've got to look after your eyes.
23:07I went, yeah?
23:07He says, Miss Dixie, you've got to stop wanking.
23:12I said, why will I go blind?
23:14He says, no, you're upsetting everybody in the waiting room.
23:18Oh, you've been a lovely audience, you really have.
23:21But before you go, did you see in the news this week that poor old lady in Levinjune found
23:27dead in a flat?
23:28No one to care for her.
23:29I mean, what a world do we live in, eh, girls?
23:31So just be kind, darlings.
23:33Be kind.
23:34Oh, for fuck's sake.
23:35You've got something to say, darling.
23:36Don't pretend to care, you fucking Tory.
23:40I've seen you up in a old barn.
23:43You haven't just got two cars, you've got two fucking garages.
23:46Oh, a tiny bit of jealousy.
23:48She's greener than wicked, that one.
23:49Your husband has money, no, no, has money in care homes that stand women up in the bathroom
23:56and hoses them down with cold water.
23:58This, ladies and gentlemen, is Melba.
24:02Melba, mediocre.
24:04She's not bitter at all, is she?
24:06Oh, shut up.
24:07I mean, I'm not saying she's old and past it, but she were young when Moses were alive.
24:11That's not even the right fucking joke.
24:13She was old when Moses was alive, not young.
24:17Well, get out.
24:17She was old.
24:18You're just a bag in the basement, Beth Lynch.
24:20Do you even know what drag is?
24:23Just this lipstick, these fucking eyelashes, it's a protest.
24:28One more.
24:28No, it's a scream.
24:30Let's get you up.
24:30It's a punch in the face.
24:31Shut up, Heidi, darling.
24:33It's not Margaret fucking Thatcher.
24:36Get out, you skanky bitch, you bard.
24:41That's where I met Harry, on that corner right there, 1992.
24:46I'd only been in Manchester just over a year.
24:49I never met him.
24:50I don't suppose you would have, because he finished with me in 1994.
24:55And then he phones me up one month later, one month to the day, and says, I'm positive.
25:03Get yourself tested.
25:04Remember those calls.
25:06And then, I tested positive.
25:12I thought I was dying.
25:13Well, in 1994 I was dying.
25:16So I phoned him back.
25:18Answer phone.
25:19Phoned him back again.
25:20Phoned him back again.
25:24He never picked up.
25:26Ever.
25:27Then he moved away and back to London, gone.
25:31Six years later, I find out he's dead.
25:33Someone just mentions it in passing.
25:39Cunt.
25:40Now, we're not meant to blame.
25:41No.
25:42He was a cunt.
25:46You should have looked this way, darling.
25:50I loved you since the day I first saw you.
25:53My daft little Scottish lad with eyes like a fox.
25:59I live in hope.
26:03Don't want to be out, Bob.
26:10Happy birthday.
26:11Happy birthday.
26:14I do, though.
26:19Do you ever think it's coming back?
26:22All that shit from the 90s.
26:24We were despised, but you read the stuff online now.
26:27It sounds just the same.
26:28Do I think it's coming back?
26:29Yeah.
26:30It's back, you fucking idiot.
26:33Right now, it's here.
26:35It's a storm.
26:36It's a tide.
26:37It's a great big tsunami.
26:38We're in the middle of it right now.
26:40Do I think it's coming back?
26:42You know, if you'd asked me in 1996,
26:44what do you think 2026 will be like,
26:46I'd have said glory days.
26:48We'll have equality.
26:49We'll have love and kisses.
26:50We'll be holding hands, skipping down the street.
26:56But they tricked us, didn't they?
26:59They just waited.
27:01Oh, they let us all come out.
27:03So now we're standing in the open,
27:05ready for them to shoot us down.
27:07You think that?
27:08Weird.
27:08Look at me.
27:09I'm as out and as proud as anything,
27:10but past couple of years,
27:14I'm a lot more careful.
27:16You just started a great big round.
27:19On Canal Street.
27:21Home turf.
27:23But out there,
27:25I used to walk into a room and just go,
27:27ta-da.
27:30Now I tiptoe.
27:32Just in case.
27:37You know the awful thing?
27:40Now,
27:41I don't have to care as much.
27:43Not anymore.
27:45Because I've done my bit.
27:47I have fought the good fight
27:49very many times.
27:51Thank you very much.
27:52HIV,
27:53Section 28,
27:54the boat and seven.
27:55Oh, bless them.
27:56And the little leather slings.
27:58I have marched.
28:02That's someone else's turn.
28:04One of those
28:05bright young things,
28:06they can man the barricades,
28:08or woman the barricades,
28:09or them the barricades.
28:11I mean,
28:12I'll be 60 next year.
28:16In a couple of years,
28:17I can retire.
28:18Remember the golden days?
28:20You're kidding yourself, yeah.
28:22If there's a war,
28:23you're on the front line,
28:24my darling.
28:26You have trans bar stuff.
28:28That's the battleground.
28:29Yeah, I love my stuff.
28:31And as a result,
28:33look at TripAdvisor for your place.
28:34There they are.
28:35Regular as the morning shit.
28:37Post after post,
28:38calling you a pedo,
28:39and a groomer,
28:40because they say
28:41you pay chemically castrated
28:44children to work for it.
28:46No, that's women.
28:47Women who are furious
28:48and with good reason,
28:49but no, don't starve me.
28:51And men,
28:52grown men typing away
28:54with a big fist.
28:54Yeah, but it's just that,
28:55typing.
28:56The president of America
28:57has given these men
28:59permission to attack us.
29:03Leo,
29:05you're queer in 2026.
29:07You're a political act.
29:09Yeah, but it'll swing back.
29:10We do this.
29:11We go through history.
29:13We swing one way,
29:13we swing the other.
29:15Conservative, then Labour,
29:16Republicans, then Democrats.
29:17Just give it time.
29:20It'll all settle.
29:23Is that what history teaches you?
29:25Yeah, it does.
29:29I think history's merciless.
29:31And it only goes one way,
29:34onwards.
29:35It marches on,
29:37and on,
29:38and on.
29:39And what if this
29:40never swings back?
29:42What if Trump just keeps on
29:43winning forever and ever?
29:45How far will it go?
29:46How much will they hate us?
29:48Because they hate us, Leo.
29:49They really hate us.
29:51And you know what?
29:53I think they've always hated us.
29:55Only now,
29:55they don't have to pretend anymore.
29:58No.
29:59History tells us one thing.
30:02That blood,
30:03and fire,
30:05and retribution
30:06always happen.
30:08And right now,
30:11it's coming for us.
30:16To be continued...
30:21PHONE RINGS
31:16Clive! You are inside my house!
31:20You gave me the keys, didn't you? So those are fixed up for you.
31:23You know, that key safe thing.
31:26If you put this on the wall outside, you won't get locked out again.
31:29They give these to the elderly and disabled. They love them.
31:33I'm thrilled to be in the same category, but Clive, I don't think you should just walk into my house.
31:37I think you should knock or ring the bell.
31:40Okay.
31:49Besser.
31:52All right, get on with it. Why do you want this?
31:54I was thinking, er, Barrier.
31:59I don't know, is that good?
32:00Yeah, it should be, yeah. Yeah, I'll get on with it.
32:03Do you ever wear any clothes?
32:05Yeah, I should.
32:06Yeah, go on, piss off. I don't need your help. You'll leave the other's work to me, eh?
32:20I'll get myself in.
32:25I'll get myself in.
32:27I'm bloody ghost.
32:29My fucking house.
32:33Guys, it's done.
32:36Yeah, yeah, let me show you.
32:38So the key's in there, right? You put in 1502. Open it up. There's your key. You put it back
32:44in. Close it. Bob's your uncle.
32:47And that won't attract burglars, because they know there's a key there. I mean, you can't force it open. Does
32:51that become a problem?
32:53I'll take it down if you want.
32:54No. Somehow.
32:56I'll get out of your way.
32:58Right, it was £17.99, all right? But I got you another key. That was a fiver.
33:02So it's £22.99, and I'm not charging you for labour, all right? Cash okay?
33:08If I've got it.
33:21You're not working today?
33:22Oh, yeah. No, I am. Saturday's the busiest night. Working till 4am.
33:26You can call that work, eh? Dishing out drinks all day.
33:31Do you know how many people I employ?
33:32Huh?
33:3345.
33:34Fuck.
33:34I do.
33:36It's a bar.
33:37So?
33:37You do not employ 45.
33:40There's 15 girls just rotating at the door, then there's managers, bar staff, security, cleaners. How many are you?
33:46It's just me.
33:47Oh, well, nice life. And you didn't have to increase national insurance for 45 people.
33:51No, but I have to cope with maritime law.
33:52What's that?
33:53Ah, you see, you don't know everything. Under maritime law, you can sail into this country from Romania without any
33:59qualifications, and you can take my job from under my nose.
34:01Because you can work as an electrician with no credentials.
34:04How is that maritime law?
34:06Because we're an island.
34:10I did think, if you don't mind, I was going to say, do you need any work doing, you know,
34:17in the bar? Because I'm a bit short of hours, and it's not a good time.
34:22And those boys, they cost a fortune, and Maurice, he's always nagging at me, so I'll do a good price.
34:27Ah, no. We're fine. Sorry.
34:28No, we're going to ask.
34:30No, I'm really sorry.
34:30No, it's fine. It's fine. Just, you hear of anything.
34:36How's Curtis?
34:38Oh, er, I don't know. Ask him. Fine.
34:42How long's he been gone?
34:45Two years.
34:47Maurice said he ran off with a woman.
34:49Began a relationship with someone else, yes.
34:52That must have been a blow to your manhood.
34:54Well, it turns out I can get a blow to my manhood any time I like.
34:56There you go, you see. You have to make it dirty, didn't you? And every time, it's always sex with
35:00you lot.
35:00I find it revolting, you know, this time of day.
35:01Oh, right. So that's us, is it? That's the gays. We're all sex.
35:05You had a man running out of your house with my children sitting next door.
35:08Okay, so I sleep around.
35:11I'm the one who sleeps around.
35:14In this room, the person who sleeps around is me.
35:19What do you get, lad?
35:20What do you think?
35:24What do you mean?
35:27Oh, nothing. Never mind.
35:2925 quid.
35:30Thanks.
35:32Was it a real woman?
35:33What?
35:34With Curtis, because these days it might not be.
35:37You know, I mean, he said if he's gay, has he run off with a man who calls himself a
35:41woman,
35:41or a woman who used to be a man, because it's all he, she, they and them now, isn't it?
35:45So we can't tell.
35:45Well, you know who started all that, don't you?
35:47Huh?
35:47You.
35:49I did that.
35:50Yeah, you.
35:51All of you.
35:51All this fuss with pronouns.
35:53It was always you, lad.
35:55Well, from the moment we are born, in the schoolyard, it's always you staring at us saying, what
35:59are you then?
35:59A boy or a girl?
36:00You're a boy or a girl?
36:01What are you?
36:01A boy or a girl?
36:02Six years old, if you're not playing football, it's like, what are you?
36:04Some sort of girl?
36:05All our lives, what are you?
36:07What are you?
36:07What are you?
36:07And then, guess what?
36:08We say, okay, fine, you win, you're right, we'll do what you want.
36:11If we are so confusing, then I'll become a she, she can be a he, and if that doesn't
36:15work, I can become a them.
36:16What do you think?
36:16Happy now?
36:17Well, guess what?
36:18No.
36:18It's all, how dare you change?
36:20How dare you be different?
36:21How dare you not know?
36:23We did exactly what you wanted, and you still don't fucking like it.
36:29And now we'll have my change, please.
36:30I gave you 25 quid, so 22.99.
36:33That's two pounds and one penny you owe me, please, Clive.
36:36Oh, I'll go get it.
36:36Yeah, you do that.
37:03Look, two pounds, one penny.
37:06Look, all right, I didn't...
37:07No, no, no, no, it's all my fault.
37:09Apparently.
37:11He hasn't ever said, so have a nice day.
37:14I do need a spot of work.
37:18There's some dodgy wiring at the bar, so yeah, thank you.
37:22I'd be very grateful.
37:24Yeah, well, no mates, right?
37:26Well, we're not mates.
37:29All right, we'll drop us a text and we'll sort it.
37:31You know what I mean?
37:32If I've got time, Mike.
37:34Okay.
37:40I'm in need of you.
37:56I'm in need of you.
38:03I'm in need of you.
38:18I'm in need of you.
38:48I'm going to skip that day, you know what I'm saying?
38:50I'm going to skip that day, you know what I'm saying?
39:22I'm going to skip that day, you know what I'm saying?
39:27I'm going to skip that day, you know what I'm saying?
39:55I'm going to skip that day, you know what I'm saying?
40:07I'm going to skip that day, you know what I'm saying?
40:19I'm going to skip that day, you know what I'm saying?
40:31I'm going to skip that day, you know what I'm saying?
41:14I'm going to skip that day, you know what I'm saying?
41:25I'm going to skip that day, you know what I'm saying?
42:03I'm going to skip that day, you know what I'm saying?
42:26I'm going to skip that day, you know what I'm saying?
42:53I'm going to skip that day, you know what I'm saying?
42:54I'm going to skip that day, you know what I'm saying?
42:58I'm going to skip that day, you know what I'm saying?
42:59I'm going to skip that day, you know what I'm saying?
42:59I'm going to skip that day, you know what I'm saying?
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