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The Carol Burnett Show | Mrs. Wiggins The Intercom... Again (full sketch).
Cited as one of the best TV shows of all time by TV Guide, Entertainment Weekly, TIME, Rolling Stone, and others, “The Carol Burnett Show” is among the originators of the sketch comedy format. All 11 seasons of one of the most acclaimed and influential TV series of all-time, and the winner of 25 Emmy® Awards.
Transcript
00:19Mrs. Wiggins
00:35And Mrs. Higgins?
00:51Mrs. Higgins, there wasn't that I pressed that intercom assistant to talk to you
00:56because I wanted to see you.
01:02I don't meant to see you with my night balls.
01:05I mean to see you right in there into that office.
01:10When?
01:13Well, I'm free now, so it wouldn't be in time.
01:19Well, why didn't you say so?
01:21Well, I did say so.
01:22I said so on that intercom system.
01:24You never answered it to me with your voice.
01:52Would it be more handy if I put a revolving door in here for you?
01:58Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
02:09And now, Mrs. Higgins, the reason I brought you in here now is because I have a role in the
02:16port in the meeting today with Mr. Phillips.
02:19He's going to be here at noon.
02:25Mrs. Higgins, do you have an idea of what I'm saying?
02:28Mrs. Higgins, do you have an idea of what I'm saying?
02:30Yeah, I think so.
02:32That's close enough.
02:36Now, I want to run over two very important parts with you here because of this meeting.
02:42Now, first of all, I don't want anybody into this office here before noon.
02:49Do you understand that?
02:51Yeah.
02:51All right, now, point two, there's some things and there's the contracts here that they're a little fuzzy at this
02:58time.
02:59So we're going to run over those together just in case this time it's a break.
03:14Mrs. Higgins, when I said I don't want to see anybody in here before noon, that don't include the people
03:21that have paid the salary to you.
03:36You're the only person that I know that can actually a tailgate herself.
03:57Now, in this meeting, do you have any estimated the time that there's a doggone nails are going to be
04:04dry?
04:07No.
04:08Well, we're beginning to attract the fruit flies.
04:19Quadrant of those come over and dip their wings to us.
04:29Now, like I told you, I have this real important meeting today with Mr. Phillips.
04:34Oh, yeah, he'll be here at noon.
04:37Oh, thank you for that, the news flash.
04:42Do you have any news on the Hindenburg?
04:50Now, when he comes in here today at noon, he's allowed to ask me some questions on this doggone contracts
04:57that I can't answer.
04:58So I got a little plan to work out here to do that.
05:01Now, when he's in here and you see me stand up to my desk, you press that buzzer in there
05:08on that intercom system and tell me I got a real important phone call.
05:13And that way I have a little time to look up that answer.
05:16And that way I have a little time to look up that answer.
05:17Now, you think you got that?
05:20Yeah.
05:28Now, why don't you go in there and we'll try this.
05:30When I stand up, you push that buzzer and tell me I got a real important phone call.
05:34Okay.
05:35All right.
05:39How about doing that now?
05:55Well, now, Mr. Phillips, that's a real good question.
05:59I'll have that answer for you real soon.
06:03Soon I'll have that answer for you.
06:08Excuse me a minute.
06:15Hey, straw head, listen.
06:21Are you supposed to see me in there when you're doing your nails like that?
06:25You should have one eye on it to me.
06:28One eye on to the desk.
06:29So you want to see me stand up, then you ring that buzzer for me.
06:33Now, repeat that after me.
06:35Do you understand what I said?
06:37Yeah.
06:37Now, what you want me to do when Mr. Phillips gets here is to wait and look at you when
06:44he asks you an important question that you don't know the answer to, you'll stand up.
06:50And that's a signal for me to buzz you on the intercom to tell you that you have an important
06:56call.
06:58Well, the fog is beginning to lift.
07:02Watch me when I do that now.
07:04What?
07:06Watch me when I do that.
07:10Well, Mr. Phillips, that's a really good question.
07:16I'll have that answer in a minute.
07:19But first, yes, Mrs. Fergans, what is it?
07:27Well, you know.
07:34I know what?
07:36You know that when you stand up, you have an important phone call.
07:41Well, tell that to me on the box.
07:44I just did.
07:46Oh, get right in here, will you, Mrs. Fergans.
07:49Well, what about the phone call?
07:51Forget the phone call.
07:52There's no phone call.
07:52We're just pretending like that.
07:54Now, you get in there.
07:56Right now.
07:57Who's in here now?
07:58Well, I know.
08:15You're really Jesse Owens.
08:24Now, I give you this dumb, simple thing to do.
08:27You don't even understand how to do this.
08:30This is like working at the Looney Tunes.
08:35Sit over here.
08:36What?
08:36I want you to pretend that you're me, and I'll pretend that I'm you.
08:40Now, you sit there.
08:41Now, when I point to you from that room, you stand up.
08:44Then I'm going to buzz that buzzer and tell you you got a real important phone call.
08:48Now, you understand that?
08:49Yeah, I'm you and you are me.
08:52Very good news there.
08:53All right.
08:54Now, don't forget when I point to you.
09:19Yes, I'm Mrs. Quiggins.
09:28And you got the real important phone call to Mr. Retardable.
09:34Who is it?
09:42Why do you mean the who is it?
09:46How can I be sure it's important if I don't know who it is?
09:53Now, find out who it is.
09:55Mrs. Quiggins.
09:57There's no one to ask.
10:01Mrs. Quiggins, by golly, how many times do I got to tell you to find out who it is?
10:09Before you buzz me on this here doggone intercall.
10:18That's got nothing to do with Mr. Retardable.
10:22Donna, you raise your voice to me, Mrs. Quiggins.
10:26I raise my voice to you if I wanted to, Mr. Retardable.
10:31Okay, doggone, this is the time you got to fire.
10:35Mrs. Quiggins, you're fired.
10:38You can't fire me.
10:39I can't.
10:48You can get yourself another girl.
10:55You can't.
11:00No, I'm not a guy.
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