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Short filmTranscript
00:00:06you're dead you hear me dead his room was right next to mine
00:00:18my mother my own mom was feeding the enemy blueberry pancakes this was a hostage situation
00:00:26and i was the hostage like nine times in four minutes because he's ruining my life you know
00:00:33what this sounds like right what obsession oh this is happening this is absolutely happening
00:00:40no spin again what's the matter mark scared of your breath yeah
00:00:48relax it was spin the bauble it doesn't mean anything
00:00:54that's all it was stupid drunk meaningless change so why i still feel it there are three things you
00:01:04need to know about my life one my mom makes the best grilled cheese on the eastern seaboard
00:01:08two i will die on the hill that empire strike back film who is a six foot golden retriever
00:01:13and has made it his personal my summer you're cornered little man surrender or face annihilation
00:01:19you literally used the word annihilation wrong last week on your english final
00:01:23summer started words don't count anymore you're dead i win
00:01:33best of seven it's already best of seven
00:01:38i'm up four to one boys if i find one more dart in the pasta pot you're both grounded until
00:01:45college
00:01:46that was theo i did it clean up both of you and theo your friends arriving in an hour
00:01:55what friend oh yeah didn't i mention beckett's staying next door for the summer
00:02:00his mom rented the colohan place you didn't mention that
00:02:07you definitely absolutely did not mention that must have slipped my mind
00:02:13beckett hale my brother's best friend the most arrogant and sufferable human being i have ever
00:02:19misfortune of breathing near and he was going to live next door all summer
00:02:32well well little marsh miss me about as much as i'd miss food poisoning
00:02:37your brother's still adorable when he's angry call me cute one more time and i'll key in your car
00:02:42okay great start everyone really feeling the love relax i'm sure we'll be best friends by august
00:02:49i'd rather chew glass careful i'm right next door now nowhere to hide
00:02:58el come swim i'm reading what is this sylvia plane light summer reading give it back come get it
00:03:14you're dead you hear me dead you needed to cool off
00:03:20i was going to survive this summer and i was going to make becklent hall's life a living hell
00:03:34his room was right next to mine
00:03:50morning roomie we're not roommates neighbors then
00:03:54thin walls by the way you talk in your sleep
00:04:01oh beckett you're up early pancakes mrs marsh you're a saint i'd love some
00:04:09call me katherine sweetheart your family this summer
00:04:11he's a stray my family keeps feeding elliot it's fine he's adorable when he's grumpy
00:04:24my mother my own mom was feeding the enemy blueberry pancakes this was a hostage situation
00:04:31and i was the hostage
00:04:36he's everywhere the kitchen the yard the bathroom i went to brush my teeth and his stupid toothbrush
00:04:43was just sitting there next to mine touching mine
00:04:49what a tragedy i'm serious slona it's an invasion you've mentioned him like nine times in four minutes
00:04:57because he's ruining my life you know what this sounds like right
00:05:02what
00:05:05nothing forget it no what does it sound like
00:05:14obsession
00:05:19i'm not that's insane i hate him
00:05:23yeah you've made that super clear
00:05:26all i'm saying is most people who hate someone
00:05:29they just ignore them they don't track their toothbrush placement
00:05:33i need new friends
00:05:39i thought this was our pool day
00:05:41it is
00:05:42beckett's part of our now deal with it little brother
00:05:49did beckett just yep
00:05:58nice form six out of ten
00:06:01nobody asked for your opinion
00:06:02weak splash
00:06:05i can fix that if you want
00:06:07i'd rather drown
00:06:16guys mateo just texted he's throwing a massive party this weekend
00:06:20see you lived
00:06:22everyone's invited
00:06:23let's go
00:06:24i told myself the weird feeling in my chest was chlorine burn
00:06:27that's all it was
00:06:29chlorine
00:06:34here's my foolproof plan for surviving mateo in this party
00:06:37step one
00:06:38avoid beckett hail
00:06:40step two
00:06:40drink until step one doesn't matter
00:06:43you sure you're good
00:06:45you've been weird all week
00:06:46i'm great
00:06:47i'm fantastic
00:06:48hand me that
00:06:51that's
00:06:52not water
00:06:54that's the point
00:06:58all right all right
00:06:59spin the bottle
00:07:00classic rules
00:07:01no chicken out
00:07:04you look like you're about to pass out
00:07:29oh this is happening this is absolutely happening no spin again what's the matter marsh scared
00:07:36of your breath
00:07:37of your breath
00:07:37yeah
00:07:40relax
00:07:40it's just a game
00:07:47okay okay guys that's you can stop now
00:07:57it was a game
00:07:58it was nothing
00:07:59elliot
00:08:01hey
00:08:01hey you good
00:08:03don't
00:08:04don't what
00:08:04don't stand there like
00:08:06like that was nothing
00:08:07it was spin the bobble
00:08:09it doesn't mean anything
00:08:16what the hell
00:08:25it was a game
00:08:26that's all it was
00:08:28stupid
00:08:29drunk
00:08:30meaningless game
00:08:31so why
00:08:33could i still feel it
00:08:43i didn't sleep
00:08:44not really
00:08:46every time i closed my eyes
00:08:47i felt it
00:08:48his mouth
00:08:49the pressure
00:08:50the way the room disappeared
00:08:52then the crack of my fist
00:08:54against his jaw
00:08:54both felt violent
00:08:56both felt necessary
00:09:01my plan was simple
00:09:02stay in this room
00:09:04september
00:09:05maybe october
00:09:06maybe forever
00:09:09elliot honey
00:09:10breakfast
00:09:11beckett made french toast
00:09:13i'm sick
00:09:16you were fine yesterday
00:09:21it hit fast
00:09:22probably terminal
00:09:26elliot james marsh
00:09:27you have five minutes
00:09:41dude these are incredible
00:09:43you should open a restaurant
00:09:44maybe i will
00:09:45call it punched in the face cafe
00:09:47great origin story
00:09:52there he is
00:09:53sit down
00:09:54eat something
00:10:03you're not having
00:10:05beckett's french toast
00:10:06it's life-changing
00:10:07i'm good with cereal
00:10:09yeah cereal's a safe choice
00:10:11low risk
00:10:19beckett
00:10:20do you just lurk in hallways
00:10:22relax
00:10:23i wanted to talk
00:10:27we have nothing to talk about
00:10:30it was a game elliot
00:10:32spin the bottle
00:10:33people kiss
00:10:35the world keeps turning
00:10:37great
00:10:38world's turning
00:10:39move
00:10:43you hit me pretty hard
00:10:44for something that meant
00:10:45nothing
00:10:45it meant nothing
00:10:48then why can't you even
00:10:50look at me
00:10:56i'm looking
00:10:56see
00:10:57nothing
00:10:59you kissed back
00:11:02you're insane
00:11:12i told myself
00:11:14in this research
00:11:15but nobody types that
00:11:16at two in the morning
00:11:17unless something already
00:11:18cracked open
00:11:25worst part
00:11:26it wasn't a kiss
00:11:27it was knowing he couldn't sleep
00:11:29either
00:11:30and some broken part of me
00:11:32was glad
00:11:38step one
00:11:39be so aggressively normal
00:11:40that the universe
00:11:41forgets saturday ever happened
00:11:42step two
00:11:43never think about his mouth again
00:11:45step three
00:11:45there is no step three
00:11:47steps one and two
00:11:48are already impossible
00:11:49hey brianna
00:11:50you do something different
00:11:51with your hair
00:11:52looks amazing
00:11:53got a trim
00:11:55like two weeks ago
00:11:56well it's really working for you
00:12:03is he
00:12:04flirting
00:12:06badly
00:12:07no
00:12:08i mean
00:12:09since when does
00:12:10elliot marsh flirt in the hallway
00:12:11at eight in the morning
00:12:14something happened at that party
00:12:16obviously something happened at that party
00:12:18he punched beckett hale in the face
00:12:20no
00:12:21something else
00:12:25so theo tries to flip the kayak back over
00:12:27right
00:12:28and he just
00:12:28full scorpion into the lake
00:12:30face first
00:12:36you're in a mood today
00:12:39what mood
00:12:39i'm great
00:12:41i'm
00:12:41i'm
00:12:42fantastic
00:12:42exactly
00:12:43that's what's weird
00:12:46you going to griffin's thing this weekend
00:12:49maybe
00:12:50you asking me to go
00:12:53maybe i am
00:12:56what the hell
00:13:04you're a terrible actor elliot
00:13:05back off
00:13:06you keep running from it
00:13:08but i was there
00:13:10you kissed me back
00:13:12oh one more thing
00:13:14that party
00:13:15someone had their phone out
00:13:16i've seen the video
00:13:17you're lying
00:13:19he could have punched me back that night and it would have hurt less than this
00:13:22because a bruise fades
00:13:23but a video
00:13:24but a video a video lives forever
00:13:29yesterday he cornered me in the hallway and said somebody caught that kiss on video
00:13:34you look wrecked
00:13:36you look wrecked like you didn't sleep at all back off i deleted the video it's not going anywhere if
00:13:41that clip gets out we're both screwed i need to ask you something
00:13:45don't do this
00:13:46my ap lit essays do friday and i've got nothing
00:13:50you're good with words
00:13:52help me out
00:13:53just this once
00:13:55you're blackmailing me over an essay
00:13:57i'm not blackmailing you
00:13:58i just
00:14:00i really don't know how to get close to you
00:14:02i just wanted an excuse to talk to you a little longer
00:14:06you're sick
00:14:06with you
00:14:07i've been messed up for a long time
00:14:12he deleted it days ago
00:14:14he had no leverage
00:14:15nothing
00:14:16and i still wrote the essay
00:14:18so is he that good
00:14:19or did i lose this a long time ago
00:14:22he said he wanted my attention
00:14:24the stupid part is
00:14:25he's had it since the day he moved in next door
00:14:39iced americana
00:14:39i don't want to serve you
00:14:41i came to apologize
00:14:42i shouldn't have used the video to scare you
00:14:44i shouldn't have pushed you into stuff you didn't want to do
00:14:46i just
00:14:47i was scared you'd push me away again
00:14:49scared you'd stop talking to me for good
00:14:51you always find the dumbest way to ruin everything
00:14:55i know
00:14:57i'll do better
00:15:01i heard people at school saying you've been doing beckett's homework
00:15:04he asked and i just didn't say no
00:15:07did he threaten you
00:15:08you don't have to just take that
00:15:12no
00:15:13i agreed to it
00:15:19i'm not writing another thing for you
00:15:21and i'm not letting you drag me around anymore
00:15:24i get it
00:15:25i'm not pushing you
00:15:25i'll wait
00:15:28i'm not worth waiting for
00:15:29yeah you are
00:15:32whatever this was between us
00:15:34it wasn't over
00:15:35but at least the ugliest hardest part of it was finally behind us
00:15:41it had been four days since the parking lot
00:15:43four days since beckett hale said i'm sorry like he meant it and drove away
00:15:47four days of me waiting for the other shoe to drop
00:15:49peace offering
00:15:49oat milk latte
00:15:50two sugars
00:15:51how do you know my order
00:15:52you literally make it for yourself every shift
00:15:54i have eyes
00:15:56this doesn't make us friends
00:15:58didn't say it did
00:16:01but we're not enemies anymore either
00:16:08all right
00:16:09who's in for mario cant
00:16:10losers buy pizza
00:16:11you always pick rainbow road and then act betrayed by it
00:16:14that's slander
00:16:17beck grab a controller man
00:16:21wait are you two actually being civil
00:16:23should i document this
00:16:25don't make it weird declin
00:16:26for once we agree
00:16:46the thing about ceasefires is they're supposed to be temporary
00:16:49a pause before you go back to the world
00:16:51no absolutely not
00:16:53but lying there in the dark smiling like an idiot at a text from beckett hale
00:16:56i had this terrible sinking feeling that the war was already over
00:16:59and i'd lost
00:17:05two nights
00:17:06no parents
00:17:07a lake
00:17:08this is literally the reset button we all need
00:17:11or a guaranteed disaster with mosquitoes
00:17:15you're coming
00:17:16non-negotiable
00:17:22yo sloan
00:17:23camping trip
00:17:24beck and i already signed up
00:17:26perfect
00:17:26the whole crew
00:17:28the whole crew
00:17:28including the guy i've been texting until 1 a.m. about his parents divorce
00:17:31the guy i was absolutely categorically not thinking about
00:17:38tent assignments are alphabetical by last name
00:17:41finch and hall
00:17:42marsh and oh
00:17:43also hall we have two marshes
00:17:45theo you're with drake
00:17:47elliott you're with beckett
00:17:48you're kidding
00:17:49the alphabet doesn't kid mr marsh
00:17:52relax i don't snore
00:17:54that is the least of my concerns
00:18:16all right campfire confessions
00:18:19one truth you've never told anyone
00:18:21i'll start
00:18:22i cheated on my driving test
00:18:23parallel parked like garbage
00:18:25smiled at the instructor
00:18:26he passed me anyways
00:18:28i
00:18:28i cried when i was watching a dog food commercial
00:18:31i totally failed my first calculus test
00:18:34and even cooked up a fake grade online
00:18:36beck
00:18:37beck your turn
00:18:40after my parents split
00:18:42my dad packed his car on a tuesday
00:18:45didn't say goodbye
00:18:46i sat on on the porch for six hours waiting for him to come back
00:18:51he never did
00:18:59that was the moment i stopped pretending to tent and i felt like i'm hurt
00:19:12every smart instinct i had said stay in the tent
00:19:15go to sleep
00:19:16don't follow him into the dark
00:19:21i've never been smart about it
00:19:27there's a moment right before you do something stupid where your brain sends up a flare
00:19:33a warning and you walk toward it anyway
00:19:36you're allowed elliot
00:19:38could hear you from a mile away
00:19:40yeah well you disappeared from the tent at midnight figured you were either sleepwalking or being murdered either way seemed
00:19:46worth checking
00:19:46couldn't sleep
00:19:48get in line
00:19:50what i said back there
00:19:51at the fire
00:19:53about feeling like nobody's first choice
00:19:55you don't have to explain
00:19:56i know i don't have to
00:19:57i wanna
00:19:58my dad left on a tuesday
00:20:00didn't even pick a dramatic day
00:20:02not a holiday
00:20:03not a birthday
00:20:03just a regular nothing tuesday
00:20:05packed a bag
00:20:06kissed my sister's forehead
00:20:07and drove to portland
00:20:08i was at practice
00:20:09he didn't wait
00:20:10that's not about you beckett
00:20:13that's about him
00:20:14everyone says that
00:20:15doesn't make the house less empty
00:20:20my mom hums when she cooks
00:20:21this old fleetwood mech song
00:20:23landslave
00:20:23every single time
00:20:24drives theo insane
00:20:25but sometimes i stand in the hallway just to listen because
00:20:27i don't know
00:20:27it means everything's okay
00:20:28the world's still turning
00:20:29why are you telling me this
00:20:30because you told me about the tuesday
00:20:31felt like i owed you something honest
00:20:33you know what's funny
00:20:34i spent the whole first week trying to make you hate me
00:20:37mission accomplished
00:20:38no
00:20:39i spent the whole first week terrified you'd figure out i was paying attention to you
00:20:44picking fights was easier
00:20:45paying attention how
00:20:50in every way that mattered
00:20:52i don't hate you elliot
00:20:53i never did
00:20:55then what is this
00:20:57i don't know
00:20:59but i'm tired of pretending it's nothing
00:21:01his hand was warm
00:21:02and i thought
00:21:03this is the thing
00:21:04this is what i've been running for
00:21:06not him
00:21:07not the kiss
00:21:08just this
00:21:09the terrifying simple fact
00:21:10that someone's hand could feel like the only place yours was ever supposed to be
00:21:13elliot
00:21:13you out here
00:21:15dorothy's doing a head count
00:21:16yeah
00:21:17coming
00:21:22i walked away
00:21:24but i swear i left something on that rock
00:21:27something i wasn't getting back
00:21:32he hasn't texted
00:21:34not since we got back
00:21:35not a word
00:21:36which is fine
00:21:36totally fine
00:21:37because nothing happened
00:21:38we talked
00:21:39he touched my hand
00:21:40that's
00:21:41that's just what people do by legs at midnight
00:21:43normal
00:21:43completely normal
00:21:59look at him
00:22:00not a care in the world
00:22:02meanwhile i'm over here dissecting a handhold like it's a supreme court case
00:22:06you're glowing
00:22:07i'm sweating
00:22:08it's called humidity
00:22:09no it's called something happened at that campsite
00:22:11and you're going to tell me what
00:22:12nothing happened we roasted marshmallows rowan cried about a dog commercial again standard trip
00:22:16you're doing that thing where your voice goes up half an octave because you're lying
00:22:18my voice doesn't
00:22:19so i'm thinking movie night friday
00:22:21the yates den
00:22:22declan said he'd order pizza
00:22:24i'm in
00:22:25elliot
00:22:30elliot
00:22:31what
00:22:32yeah
00:22:33friday
00:22:33sure
00:22:34you've been weird since the trip
00:22:35i haven't been
00:22:37you have
00:22:37and it's fine if you don't want to talk about it
00:22:39but i'm asking you as your best friend
00:22:41are you okay
00:22:44i'm okay
00:22:45i promise
00:23:00i'm so screwed
00:23:27welcome to paradise people
00:23:30no parents
00:23:31no rules
00:23:32no
00:23:33actually there are rules
00:23:34don't break anything mom loves
00:23:36theo invited everyone to birchwood cottage for the weekend
00:23:40and by everyone
00:23:41i mean the one person who's been living rent free in my head
00:23:45since the lake
00:23:56this place is gorgeous
00:23:57dibs on the room with the view
00:23:59they all have views
00:24:01it's a lake house
00:24:03then dibs on the best view
00:24:07all right
00:24:09rooms
00:24:12slona and rowan upstairs left
00:24:15spencer you're on the couch because you lost the bet
00:24:17elliot
00:24:18you're in the back bedroom
00:24:20beckett
00:24:21i'll take me whatever's left
00:24:22back bedroom's got twin beds
00:24:24you two can share
00:24:24cool
00:24:25fine
00:24:26whatever
00:24:29not fine
00:24:30not whatever
00:24:31not even remotely in the same zip code is fine
00:24:55you've been avoiding me all day
00:25:00i've been ten feet from you for six hours
00:25:02that's the opposite of
00:25:03you know what i mean
00:25:06i don't know how to act around you anymore
00:25:07that's the problem
00:25:10then stop acting
00:25:27you following me
00:25:30you left the bonfire without saying anything
00:25:32theo thinks you're sulking
00:25:34i'm not sulking
00:25:36i'm processing
00:25:38processing what
00:25:39this
00:25:40you
00:25:41the fact that i can't stop thinking about that night at the lake
00:25:44and it's driving me insane because i don't know what it means
00:25:47and i don't know what you want
00:25:48and i
00:25:49can i
00:26:08what are we doing
00:26:09something real
00:26:13i'd spent my whole life building walls
00:26:16and this boy just walked right through them like they were made of smoke
00:26:25here's the thing about kissing someone in a forest at midnight
00:26:28you can't unknow what their mouth feels like
00:26:30trust me
00:26:31i've tried
00:26:33so i did what any rational person would do
00:26:35i researched
00:26:37okay
00:26:38so maybe not that rational
00:26:53you've been staring at that muffin for five minutes
00:26:56i'm thinking
00:26:59dangerous hobby
00:27:00we need to be more careful
00:27:02sloan already thinks something's up
00:27:05sloan thinks everything's up
00:27:06she once accused the lunch lady of running a black market for hall passes
00:27:09i'm serious
00:27:12i know you are
00:27:15bathroom
00:27:16two minutes
00:27:32this is insane
00:27:33yeah
00:27:35best kind of insane
00:27:45so anyway
00:27:46rowan's convinced the new calc teacher is secretly a
00:27:49what is she doing
00:27:51elliot
00:27:52hey
00:27:53earth
00:27:53to elliot
00:27:56since when do you care who beckett talks to
00:27:59i don't
00:28:00your knuckles are white babe
00:28:05i've got homework
00:28:16hey
00:28:17you disappeared today
00:28:20looked like you were busy
00:28:23kendall
00:28:24that's what this is about
00:28:26this isn't about anything
00:28:28goodnight
00:28:29she means nothing
00:28:29you know that
00:28:30do i
00:28:31because from where i was sitting
00:28:33she had her hands all over you
00:28:34and you didn't seem to mind
00:28:37you're jealous
00:28:39i'm not
00:28:40you are
00:28:42and it's kind of incredible
00:28:44because it means this is real for you too
00:28:48of course it's real
00:28:49that's the whole problem
00:28:50beck
00:28:51you forgot your charger
00:28:53oh hey ell
00:28:54you good
00:28:56great
00:28:57night
00:29:01everyone i cared about was either pulling me closer
00:29:03or pushing me away
00:29:05and i couldn't tell which was worse
00:29:11you're my best friend
00:29:12you're one of the most important people in my life
00:29:14and i'm sorry
00:29:15i'm so sorry
00:29:16but i can't
00:29:17i don't feel that way about you
00:29:18yeah
00:29:20i knew that
00:29:23that doesn't mean
00:29:24i just needed to say it out loud
00:29:26so it would stop eating me alive
00:29:30is there someone else
00:29:34okay
00:29:36he deserved the truth
00:29:37all of it
00:29:39and i gave him silence
00:29:40which was its own kind of answer
00:29:46hey
00:29:47you okay
00:29:50rowan was just here
00:29:54and
00:29:56she told me he was in love with me
00:29:58what did you say
00:30:00what do you think i said
00:30:03i told him i don't feel the same way
00:30:05did you tell him about us
00:30:09no
00:30:10do you want to
00:30:11i don't know what i want
00:30:13i just broke my best friend's heart
00:30:14and i can't even explain why
00:30:16you didn't break anything
00:30:17he was brave enough to tell you the truth
00:30:19that's not your fault
00:30:20he asked if there was someone else
00:30:22and i just stood there
00:30:24elliot
00:30:25he knew
00:30:26he looked at me and he knew
00:30:30come to the window
00:30:37whatever happens
00:30:39i'm right here
00:30:39two boys in separate rooms
00:30:42reaching for each other through glass
00:30:44that's what it felt like
00:30:45being close enough to touch
00:30:47and a whole world in the way
00:30:51it's been five days since rowan told me he loved me
00:30:54five days since i sat there like a statue
00:30:56and let him walk out
00:30:58we haven't spoken
00:30:59not a text
00:31:00not a glance
00:31:03it's like someone cut a limb off
00:31:04and i'm just supposed to keep walking
00:31:08rowan switched lab partners
00:31:09did you know that
00:31:12no
00:31:12he requested brodie sims
00:31:15brodie sims elliot
00:31:16the kid who eats glue
00:31:17he doesn't eat
00:31:19that was one time
00:31:23what happened between you two
00:31:27nothing
00:31:29we just need space
00:31:31space is what you give someone who borrows your hoodie too long
00:31:35this is a crater
00:31:39you okay
00:31:41and then there's that
00:31:47there's nothing
00:31:48sure
00:31:49and i'm the queen of england
00:32:04everyone wants a piece of me
00:32:05and i've got nothing left to give
00:32:07rowan wants an answer i can't give him
00:32:09beckett wants me to be braver than i am
00:32:12and i'm just sitting here trying to remember how to breathe
00:32:20you've been ghosting me
00:32:21i've been dealing with things
00:32:23i know
00:32:24rowan
00:32:25i'm not stupid
00:32:26then you know why i need to
00:32:27what
00:32:27pull back
00:32:28pretend the last two weeks didn't happen
00:32:30i'm not pretending anything
00:32:31i just can't do this right now
00:32:33my best friend is in love with me
00:32:34and i'm sneaking around with his
00:32:36with you
00:32:37and it feels like i'm betraying everyone
00:32:39you're not betraying anyone
00:32:41by being honest about what you want
00:32:42that's easy for you to say
00:32:44you're not the one who watched him cry
00:32:48i'm not your dirty secret elliot
00:32:50and i'm not ready
00:32:51can you understand that
00:32:52i'm not ready
00:32:56okay
00:32:56i hear you
00:32:57but i'm not gonna wait forever
00:33:05mom
00:33:05sit down i'll get the plates
00:33:08i'm fine sweetheart
00:33:09just a tickle
00:33:12katherine
00:33:12the hendersons want us for dinner saturday
00:33:15that sounds lovely
00:33:19mom
00:33:20you okay
00:33:22never better
00:33:24that night i couldn't sleep
00:33:26not because of becky
00:33:28not because of rowan
00:33:30because my mother folded a napkin
00:33:32like she was hiding a grenade
00:33:34and i was too afraid to ask
00:33:35to ask what was onto me
00:33:40I don't know.
00:34:09Your mother and I need to talk to you both.
00:34:11I've been having some tests done.
00:34:14I didn't want to worry you until we knew for sure.
00:34:18It's cancer. Stage 2 breast cancer.
00:34:22The doctors are optimistic about treatment, but I start chemotherapy next week.
00:34:28How long have you known?
00:34:30A few weeks. We wanted to have a plan before.
00:34:33A few weeks?
00:34:33Theo, look at me. I'm going to fight this. I need you boys to know that.
00:34:44What's the treatment plan?
00:34:46Six rounds of chemo. Then we reassess.
00:34:49What are the odds? Elliot!
00:34:52What are the odds, Dad?
00:34:53Good. They're good, sweetheart.
00:34:58Okay, okay, good. I need a minute.
00:35:05You think you know what fear is.
00:35:08You think it's the dark, or heights, or someone finding out your secret.
00:35:12It's not.
00:35:14It's your mom sitting on a couch telling you her body is trying to kill her, and smiling while she
00:35:19does it.
00:35:27Theo told me.
00:35:31You don't have to talk.
00:35:36I'm not going anywhere.
00:35:42Chemo sounds clinical.
00:35:44Sterile.
00:35:45Like something that happens in a textbook.
00:35:48Nobody tells you about the waiting.
00:35:50The hours where the clock doesn't move,
00:35:53and your brain fills the silence with every worst-case scenario it can find.
00:36:01The doctor says she's responding.
00:36:03Early days, but responding.
00:36:05Okay.
00:36:08You should eat something.
00:36:13I'm fine.
00:36:15You're not fine.
00:36:17None of us are fine.
00:36:22I wanted to say something.
00:36:24Anything.
00:36:26But every sentence I could think of had a trap door in it,
00:36:29and I was so tired of falling.
00:36:33Hey, Mr. Marsh.
00:36:34Theo asked me to bring food.
00:36:36Said nobody's eaten since breakfast.
00:36:46Turkey and Swiss.
00:36:47Extra pickles.
00:36:48The way you like it.
00:36:52Thanks.
00:37:01You don't have to do this.
00:37:02Do what?
00:37:03The food.
00:37:04The driving.
00:37:05The hovering.
00:37:06I'm not hovering.
00:37:07I'm sitting.
00:37:08There's ice cream.
00:37:09It's a whole different verb.
00:37:10She looks so small in that chair.
00:37:12The IV bag was bigger than her arm.
00:37:15She's tough.
00:37:17Everyone keeps saying that, like tough is a cure.
00:37:20It's not a cure, but it's not nothing.
00:37:24He didn't try to fix it.
00:37:26Didn't offer platoons or silver linings.
00:37:29He just stayed.
00:37:33And somehow that was the only thing that didn't make me want to scream.
00:37:38I keep thinking about time.
00:37:41How much she has, how much I've wasted being angry about stupid things.
00:37:45You're 17.
00:37:47Stupid things are kind of our whole deal.
00:37:50What if she doesn't...
00:37:51Hey, don't.
00:37:52You don't have to be okay right now.
00:37:54You don't have to be anything.
00:37:56I need you.
00:37:58And that terrifies me more than any of it.
00:38:00And I'm here.
00:38:02Simple as that.
00:38:09I told myself no one could see us in the dark.
00:38:11But the thing about secrets is...
00:38:13Someone's always watching.
00:38:17Be ready at 10.
00:38:18Wear something you don't mind getting dirty.
00:38:22That's ominous.
00:38:23Trust me.
00:38:27Where are we going?
00:38:28Starlight Pier.
00:38:30That's an hour away.
00:38:31Yeah.
00:38:31That's kind of the point.
00:38:33If this is some elaborate plan to murder me, at least buy me funnel cake first.
00:38:37Deal.
00:38:43Pink?
00:38:44Really?
00:38:46It's objectively the superior flavor.
00:38:49It's the same flavor.
00:38:51They're both just sugar.
00:38:52And yet you're wrong.
00:39:00There it is.
00:39:02What?
00:39:03That.
00:39:04You're smiling.
00:39:05Like, actually smiling.
00:39:07Not the sarcastic one you use on everybody else.
00:39:12What?
00:39:13Are you...
00:39:14This is disgusting.
00:39:16There's literally a...
00:39:32There's literally a...
00:39:35There's a...
00:39:36There's a...
00:39:37There's a...
00:39:38There's a...
00:39:39There's a...
00:39:40There's a...
00:39:41There's a...
00:39:43Say hi to you, buddy.
00:39:48Yeah.
00:39:49One minute.
00:39:52We're insane.
00:39:53Probably.
00:39:55Probably.
00:39:57So...
00:39:58Bec.
00:39:59Yeah.
00:40:00Be my boyfriend.
00:40:02For real.
00:40:06not just whatever this has been i want it to be real took you long enough
00:40:20i walked inside and pressed my back against the door and stood there in the dark like an idiot
00:40:24grinning at the ceiling my mom was sick my best friend could barely look at me
00:40:30my dad and i spoke in monosyllables and somehow impossibly i was happy
00:40:39that should have been my first one
00:40:47boyfriend he typed it with his actual fingers on purpose and i'm lying here smiling at a screen
00:40:53like a golden retriever who just learned a new word
00:40:59i wrote back mourning with a period because apparently becoming someone's boyfriend
00:41:04turned me into a sociopath who can't use emojis
00:41:08wear the blue hoodie today you look good in it
00:41:14three days since starlight pierre three days since i said be my boyfriend like some character in a
00:41:20movie i'd normally make fun of three days of texting under the covers deleting threads and
00:41:26feeling like my chest might actually explode
00:41:39tinted windows this is a school parking lot
00:41:42and stop talking and we'll be faster
00:41:47that's that's that's not how logic works
00:41:53you've been staring at me in calloway's class for 45 minutes
00:41:56i counted
00:41:57i was staring at the clock behind your head
00:42:00the clock's on the other wall
00:42:06i hate you
00:42:08no you don't
00:42:11that's it you're doing it again
00:42:13doing what
00:42:14smiling at nothing like you've got a secret stash of serotonin the rest of us don't have access to
00:42:19i'm just in a good mood is that a crime now
00:42:21for you historically yes you're seeing someone
00:42:27what no elliot marsh you are a terrible liar and you're wearing a hoodie someone else picked out
00:42:33who is it
00:42:37there might be someone it's new i'm not ready to talk about it
00:42:42i knew it
00:42:43keep your voice down
00:42:45is it someone at school do i know them
00:42:48sloney please
00:42:51okay
00:42:54okay
00:42:56but when you're ready
00:42:57i want details
00:43:00industrial quantities of details
00:43:05the landmark ruling has sparked celebration across the country
00:43:08with same-lex couples lining up at courthouses
00:43:11there it is again
00:43:12every channel
00:43:13like they've got nothing else to report
00:43:15dad
00:43:16it's kind of a big deal
00:43:18it's a circus
00:43:19that's what it is
00:43:21every week
00:43:22another parade
00:43:23another spectacle
00:43:25richard
00:43:25what i'm not allowed an opinion at my own table
00:43:27you're allowed to eat your dinner without editorializing
00:43:31there it is
00:43:32the wall i'd been pretending wasn't there
00:43:35brick by brick
00:43:36comment by comment
00:43:37my father built it
00:43:38and i'd been standing on the wrong my whole life without knowing it
00:43:43you've been quiet all day
00:43:45quieter than usual
00:43:46which is saying something because you never shut up
00:43:49my dad said some stuff last night
00:43:51about people like us
00:43:54what kind of stuff
00:43:55the kind where you realize the person who's supposed to love you no matter what
00:43:58has conditions
00:43:59fine print
00:44:01yeah i know that play brook
00:44:03what if he never gets it
00:44:04what if i tell him and he just
00:44:06looks at me like i'm broken
00:44:08then he'd be wrong
00:44:09and you'd survive it
00:44:11you're annoyingly hard to kill
00:44:12trust me
00:44:13i've tried
00:44:14what if i'm not ready
00:44:15then you're not ready
00:44:16there's no deadline elliot
00:44:18this isn't a college application
00:44:22seven across
00:44:23unwavering devotion
00:44:25nine letters
00:44:27steadfast
00:44:29look at you
00:44:30my walking to saravans
00:44:31something's eating at you
00:44:33and don't say nothing
00:44:34because i've been your mother for 17 years
00:44:36and i can hear you thinking from two rooms away
00:44:40mom
00:44:41if i were different from what you expected
00:44:43not bad different just
00:44:45different would that change anything
00:44:49elliot james marsh
00:44:50i loved you before i ever saw your face
00:44:53i loved you when you screamed for 14 hours straight with colic
00:44:56i loved you when you put a frog in theo's cereal
00:44:59there is nothing you could tell me
00:45:01nothing
00:45:01that would make me love you less
00:45:03even if it's something dad wouldn't understand
00:45:05your father's understanding is his responsibility
00:45:08not yours
00:45:09you hear me
00:45:11no matter what
00:45:12always
00:45:17mom
00:45:19i think i'm in love with a boy
00:45:21she couldn't hear me
00:45:22but i hurt myself
00:45:24and for the first time
00:45:26the words didn't feel like a confession
00:45:28they felt like the truth
00:45:31roan came back
00:45:32not all the way
00:45:33but enough
00:45:35he sits with us again
00:45:36he laughs at the right moments
00:45:38and if his eyes go somewhere far away
00:45:40when beckett's name comes up
00:45:41nobody mentions him
00:45:43that's the deal we made without saying it out loud
00:45:48you're doing that thing again
00:45:49what thing
00:45:50the thing where you look like you won the lottery
00:45:52but you're pretending you didn't buy a ticket
00:45:56leave him alone sloan
00:45:58fine
00:45:58but for the record
00:45:59i'm keeping a tally of every weird smile
00:46:02we're at 14 this week
00:46:03and it's monday
00:46:10you've been disappearing a lot lately
00:46:12busy with who
00:46:14homework
00:46:15riveting stuff
00:46:30nobody tells you secret dating
00:46:33turns every public room into a performance
00:47:04elliot that's not what this looks like
00:47:05don't
00:47:07we're done
00:47:13elliot
00:47:14elliot
00:47:15elliot
00:47:16you saw one second and turned it into the whole story
00:47:19no
00:47:21i saw enough
00:47:25i can't keep doing this in secret and pretending it doesn't break me
00:47:30i wasn't hiding you
00:47:32i was trying to protect you
00:47:35please
00:47:35please believe
00:47:36inside was the flat lake stone from lakeview haven
00:47:39i wanted him to know
00:47:40i remembered the night everything changed
00:47:47got you
00:47:51after beckett's birthday i did what i do best
00:47:53i disappeared
00:47:54not physically i still showed up
00:47:56made lattes
00:47:57visited mom at saint andrews
00:47:58smiled when theo talked
00:47:59but the version of me that existed for the last few weeks
00:48:02the one who believed in something
00:48:03gone
00:48:04we're not open for another 10
00:48:08you won't answer your phone
00:48:10nothing to say
00:48:11elliot
00:48:12she kissed me
00:48:13i didn't
00:48:15i know what i saw
00:48:17you saw one second
00:48:18you left before the other 59 where i shoved her off and looked for you
00:48:21doesn't matter
00:48:22how can it not matter
00:48:23because i can't do this
00:48:25the sneaking the lying the
00:48:27watching someone else put their mouth on you while i stand there pretending i don't care
00:48:31i'm done
00:48:32you're scared
00:48:33that's not the same as done
00:48:34get out
00:48:35i'm working
00:48:44you look like death's understudy
00:48:47charming
00:48:48beckett looks worse
00:48:49if that helps
00:48:50it doesn't
00:48:54what happened at his birthday
00:48:56and don't say nothing
00:48:57theo's been weird
00:48:58beckett's a ghost
00:48:59and you've got that face you make when you're about to implode
00:49:01we had a fight
00:49:02it's over
00:49:02the fight or the
00:49:03whatever you two were
00:49:06both
00:49:18dude
00:49:19have you seen the whisper board
00:49:45birchwood cottage
00:49:46the forest
00:49:47someone was there
00:49:49someone saw us
00:49:53every nightmare i ever had about being found out none of them were this quiet
00:49:58in my head there was always screaming but the real thing the real thing is just your phone
00:50:03buzzing in the dark while the whole world reads your secret
00:50:11you don't have to go today
00:50:14yeah i do
00:50:16elliot
00:50:17if i hide they win
00:50:18you taught me that
00:50:19then you walk in there like you own the place
00:50:22because you do
00:50:23the photo had been up for 18 hours
00:50:24412 comments last i checked
00:50:26i stopped checking around midnight when someone wrote burn in hell with a smiling face
00:50:29the ashford whisper board doesn't sleep
00:50:31neither did i
00:50:43we're walking you to every class today
00:50:45non-negotiable
00:50:46anyone gives you trouble
00:50:48i'll handle it
00:50:51you don't have to
00:50:52shut up
00:50:53yes we do
00:51:05hey
00:51:09theo
00:51:10my brother
00:51:10my little brother
00:51:12and you couldn't tell me
00:51:14i wanted to
00:51:15he wasn't ready
00:51:16that's not your call
00:51:17you're supposed to be my best friend
00:51:18i am your best friend
00:51:20best friends don't sneak around with your family behind your back
00:51:24you're right
00:51:25i'm sorry
00:51:26he's 17 beck
00:51:28he's my kid brother
00:51:29and the whole school is tearing him apart
00:51:30and i didn't even know he needed for protecting
00:51:33break it up
00:51:33both of you
00:51:34principal hargreft's office
00:51:36now
00:51:42is it true
00:51:45yes
00:51:46the hail boy
00:51:48his name is beckett
00:51:51he needs time
00:51:52that's all
00:51:54what if time isn't enough
00:51:56then that's his loss
00:52:00i don't care who you love
00:52:02you're my brother
00:52:03always
00:52:08my phone buzzed in my pocket
00:52:10i didn't check it until midnight
00:52:12one text from rowan
00:52:13i'm sorry i disappeared
00:52:14can you talk
00:52:17can i come in
00:52:28i need to ask you something
00:52:29and i need you to be honest with me
00:52:31you already know the answer
00:52:33i want to hear it from you
00:52:36yeah dad
00:52:36it's true
00:52:37i'm beckler and i were together
00:52:39are together
00:52:40i don't even know anymore
00:52:43how long
00:52:44months
00:52:50i don't understand it
00:52:51i'm not gonna pretend i do
00:52:52that's not the same
00:52:53it's okay
00:52:53no
00:52:53it's not
00:52:58you're still my son
00:52:59i just
00:52:59i need time
00:53:06you walked out of that room
00:53:07you just left him sitting there
00:53:09i said i needed time
00:53:11that's
00:53:11time
00:53:12told you the most terrifying truth of his life
00:53:15and you gave him your back
00:53:18i don't know how to do this karth
00:53:19i wasn't raised for this
00:53:20neither was he
00:53:21and he's 17
00:53:22and he's doing it anyway
00:53:23i am lying in this bed
00:53:24fighting for every day i get
00:53:26and i will not spend a single one of them
00:53:27watching you make that boy feel like he's broken
00:53:29what do you want me to do
00:53:30go back upstairs
00:53:31and this time
00:53:32stay
00:53:38scoot over
00:53:44you punched him
00:53:45he deserved it
00:53:47he didn't
00:53:48i was angry
00:53:49not at you
00:53:50at i don't know
00:53:50at finding out from a picture on a screen
00:53:52instead of from my brother's mouth
00:53:53i wanted to tell you
00:53:54i was terrified
00:53:55of me
00:53:55of losing you
00:53:58listen to me
00:53:58i don't care who you love
00:53:59you're my brother
00:54:00that's the only thing that's never gonna change
00:54:02always l
00:54:07the world didn't end
00:54:09it just
00:54:10rearranged
00:54:11and somewhere in the wreckage
00:54:13i could almost see a shape
00:54:14something that looked like it might hold
00:54:17okay
00:54:18okay then
00:54:32don't you dare look at me like that
00:54:33like what
00:54:34like i'm already gone
00:54:36i need you to do something for me
00:54:38and i need you not to fall apart while you do it
00:54:46name it
00:54:48there's a razor in the top drawer
00:54:50the one your father uses for his neck
00:54:52i'd rather choose this than watch it happen to me
00:55:03you sure you don't want theo to
00:55:04i want you
00:55:06you've always been my brave one
00:55:08even when you don't know it
00:55:11if i mess this up
00:55:12you're telling everyone dad did it
00:55:15deal
00:55:29you used to sing that when i couldn't sleep
00:55:32still works
00:55:33you're still here
00:55:35well
00:55:36you're beautiful mom
00:55:37i look like a baby bird
00:55:39the fiercest baby bird i've ever seen
00:55:45my brave brave boy
00:55:50thanks for meeting me
00:55:52you said you wanted to talk
00:55:54i disappeared on you
00:55:56right when everything was falling apart
00:55:57your mom
00:55:58the outing
00:55:58all of it
00:55:59and i just
00:56:00vanished
00:56:01yeah
00:56:01you did
00:56:03i was jealous
00:56:05and hurt
00:56:06and i told my
00:56:07that made it okay to bail on my best friend
00:56:09it didn't
00:56:12i can't give you what you want rowan
00:56:14that hasn't changed
00:56:16i know
00:56:17i'm not asking for that anymore
00:56:18i'm asking if there's still room for me
00:56:20as your friend
00:56:21just that
00:56:25you're buying next time
00:56:29yeah
00:56:29okay
00:56:30yeah
00:56:32some days break you open so wide
00:56:34you're sure nothing will ever fit back together
00:56:38but then someone shaves her head
00:56:39and calls you brave
00:56:41someone says i'm sorry and means it
00:56:43someone leaves flowers and asks for nothing
00:56:50after everything
00:56:51the outing
00:56:52the fallout
00:56:52dad's silence
00:56:53mom's fight
00:56:54i told myself the kindest thing i did do was cut the wire
00:56:58for both of us
00:57:00i wasn't being brave
00:57:01i was being a coward dressed up as a martyr
00:57:04but i couldn't tell the difference anymore
00:57:16you texted
00:57:18yeah
00:57:20i wasn't sure you would again
00:57:21ever
00:57:22i need to say something and i need you to let me finish
00:57:24okay
00:57:25this
00:57:25us
00:57:26it's destroying everything it touches
00:57:28you lost your birthday to a scene
00:57:30i got outed
00:57:30theo punched you
00:57:31my dad can barely look at me
00:57:32your mom's not your problem
00:57:33she's right though
00:57:34everyone around us gets hurt
00:57:36so what are you saying
00:57:37i'm saying we stop
00:57:39for real this time
00:57:40no more sneaking around
00:57:41no more pretending we can just
00:57:43no
00:57:44beckett
00:57:44no
00:57:45you don't get to decide this alone
00:57:47not after everything
00:57:49i'm trying to protect you
00:57:51i don't want your protection
00:57:53i want you
00:57:57i can't be the reason something else goes wrong
00:57:59then stop running and let something go right
00:58:04elliot
00:58:04elliot
00:58:05elliot
00:58:05go home
00:58:06look at me
00:58:08look at me
00:58:09look at me
00:58:20no
00:58:21no
00:58:22no
00:58:23no
00:58:23no
00:58:23stay with me
00:58:24beckett
00:58:25with me
00:58:25stay with me
00:58:26don't you dare
00:58:27somebody help please
00:58:31you idiot
00:58:32you stupid beautiful idiot
00:58:35i'm here
00:58:36i'm right here
00:58:41he said he didn't want my protection
00:58:43so he gave me his instead
00:58:49they won't tell me anything
00:58:51he's not my family
00:58:52he's not my anything
00:58:53according to the paperwork
00:58:55i'm just a boy covered in his blood
00:58:59hey
00:58:59look at me
00:59:01he's in surgery
00:59:02that's good
00:59:02that means there's a fighting for him
00:59:03he pushed me
00:59:04he just
00:59:04i was walking away
00:59:05and he pushed me out of the road
00:59:06i know
00:59:07i was leaving him theo
00:59:08that's why we were in the street
00:59:09i was ending it
00:59:16where is my son
00:59:18where is he
00:59:22beckett
00:59:22beckett hale
00:59:23he was brought in a car
00:59:24hit him
00:59:25where is he
00:59:27you
00:59:27what happened
00:59:28what did you do
00:59:29my son is in surgery
00:59:30because of you
00:59:31whatever this thing is between you
00:59:32whatever you dragged him into
00:59:34that's not fair
00:59:35beckett pushed elliot out of the way of a car
00:59:36he saved his life
00:59:37and they lose his
00:59:38i want him away from my son
00:59:39do you understand
00:59:40away
00:59:44he's out of surgery
00:59:45there's significant swelling
00:59:47traumatic brain injury
00:59:48the next 72 hours are critical
00:59:51is he conscious
00:59:52no
00:59:54he's in a coma
00:59:56we won't know the extent of the damage
01:00:0472 hours
01:00:05he's strong
01:00:07you know he is
01:00:27you absolute idiot
01:00:28you stupid reckless beautiful idiot
01:00:31you don't get to leave me
01:00:33you hear me
01:00:34you don't get to say
01:00:36i love you for the first time
01:00:37and then die
01:00:39that's not how this works
01:00:46excuse me
01:00:47you can't be in here
01:00:48sir
01:00:49sir
01:00:52you can't be in here
01:00:53sir
01:00:59please
01:01:00just let me stay
01:01:02they told me to go home
01:01:04but home was in that room
01:01:05unconscious
01:01:06with a machine breathing for him
01:01:15three months
01:01:1692 days since the intersection
01:01:19since the rain
01:01:21since his blood on my hands
01:01:24people say time heals
01:01:25people are liars
01:01:28time just teaches you how to function while broken
01:01:41breakfast
01:01:43had some
01:01:44liar
01:01:45liar
01:01:46liar
01:01:47sit
01:01:54your colors coming back
01:01:56i should know
01:01:57i've been monitoring my own
01:01:59like a paint swab
01:01:59how was yesterday's blood work
01:02:01dr reeves used the word
01:02:03animative
01:02:04i told him i'd accept
01:02:05nothing less than miraculous
01:02:08you're carrying too much sweetheart
01:02:09you know that right
01:02:10i'm fine
01:02:11you're 17
01:02:13fine isn't supposed to look like this
01:02:23you eat today
01:02:24why does everyone keep asking me that
01:02:27because you look like a victorian ghost
01:02:29and i care about you
01:02:30quiz me on calculator
01:02:33hey
01:02:33hey
01:02:34any updates
01:02:35same
01:02:36stable
01:02:37lorraine won't return my calls
01:02:38theo
01:02:39he visits
01:02:40beckard's awake more now apparently
01:02:42physical therapy started last week
01:02:44but the restraining order is still active
01:02:46so i get everything second hand
01:02:47that's not fair
01:02:48none of this is fair
01:02:51elliot
01:02:52sit down a minute
01:02:55i went to that
01:02:57meeting again
01:02:57the one at the community
01:02:59the p blake meeting
01:03:00there was a father there
01:03:01his son's about your age
01:03:02he said something that
01:03:03stuck with me
01:03:05he said he spent two years
01:03:07mourning a version of his kid
01:03:08that never existed
01:03:10and by the time he stopped
01:03:11he'd almost lost the real one
01:03:13i don't want to be that father elliot
01:03:14i'm not good at this
01:03:16but i'm trying
01:03:18i know dad
01:03:21elliot
01:03:23he's awake
01:03:24like really awake
01:03:25talking
01:03:26sitting up
01:03:27you said that last week
01:03:28no
01:03:28listen to me
01:03:30he grabbed my arm today
01:03:31and said exact words
01:03:32where's elliot
01:03:32tell him to come
01:03:34the restraining order
01:03:36screw the restraining order
01:03:37theo
01:03:38he asked for you
01:03:39he's been asking for you
01:03:40lorraine can file whatever she wants
01:03:42you need to be there
01:03:43then let them arrest me
01:03:4792 days of being good
01:03:49of following rules
01:03:51of dying quietly
01:03:52enough
01:04:02there
01:04:02almost presentable
01:04:03hey
01:04:04you okay
01:04:06yeah
01:04:06i'm okay
01:04:07i'm sorry i made you wait so long
01:04:10don't be
01:04:11i'd wait forever
01:04:12he was the last person i ever wanted to fall for
01:04:15the arrogant
01:04:17insufferable
01:04:18beautiful iliot
01:04:18who moved in next door
01:04:20and ruined my entire summer
01:04:21he made me furious
01:04:22he made me brave
01:04:25he loved me even when i couldn't love myself
01:04:35the person i hated more than anyone in the world
01:04:37became the one i couldn't live without
01:04:39in the world南海
01:04:40ho
01:04:40ho
01:04:41ho
01:04:41in
01:04:42ho ho
01:04:43ho
01:04:43and
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