- 4 minutes ago
"Just because we have a different gender identity somehow we’re not fit to serve or can’t do that job, that’s just absurd, especially coming from people who have no experience in this area, it’s hugely insulting," Kroczaleski said.
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Short filmTranscript
00:03Hi, this is Mariah Gullow from The Hollywood Reporter, and we're in studio today with
00:07Janae Marie Kroc. Hi. Hi, how are you? Good, how are you doing? I'm doing really well, thank you.
00:13We are here to talk about the new documentary that you're the subject of, Transformer. So let
00:19me ask you, what does it take to get to the place where you agree to do, be the subject
00:25of a
00:25documentary? Well, for me, honestly, I felt more a responsibility to do it. You know, growing up,
00:32there was no information, there was no social media, there was, you know, there was very little
00:35information in the libraries even, and I felt so alone. I didn't know that anyone else in the world
00:40felt this way, and it was really, really difficult growing up like that. And so, and even, you know,
00:45later on, more recently, you know, sometimes people aren't always willing to share their stories. They're
00:50not willing to talk, and like I talked to girls that were further ahead in their journey than I was,
00:54and a lot of it's very personal, and a lot of them weren't, you know, open to sharing things,
00:58and it was always very difficult. Like, how do you learn, and how do you prepare yourself for
01:01these things if no one's willing to talk about it? So when I had an opportunity to do this, and
01:05I
01:05was approached about the documentary, I felt an absolute responsibility to share my story, and to
01:10be open and honest, and try to help those people that are, you know, where I used to be, and
01:14are going
01:15through this process. And for me, it was just, it was really about, you know, and having an opportunity to
01:19educate people that otherwise might not be interested in a transgender story, because of my background,
01:24with the Marines, and power lifting, and all of that, I have, I had to think that we can reach
01:28an
01:28audience that few other people would, because, you know, those type of people typically aren't
01:32interested in transgender stories. So, yeah, I felt, I really did feel a responsibility to be open,
01:37and to be honest, and to share my story to help other people, so.
01:40And were you nervous about having to take on a film crew into your own life?
01:47Honestly, I was just, the only thing I was really nervous about was that they were going to, you know,
01:51do an accurate job of representing my story, that it wasn't going to be sensationalized, and, but after
01:56meeting with the director, Michael came out and told me what he wanted to do, and I felt he, he
02:01seemed
02:01very sincere, and seemed like an honest person, and I, and I did feel I could trust him, so then
02:05I
02:05agreed to do it, but yeah, once you sign, you know, sign on that dotted line, and you give up
02:09all control
02:10about how they edit it, and what's going to be shown, and you just really have to trust those people,
02:13and fortunately, I, I definitely feel I picked the right people, and you know, they did a great job,
02:18and I think they were, did a very honest and sincere portrayal of my story.
02:22Mm-hmm, and do you think that you're better off, as a subject of a documentary, are you better off
02:27kind of
02:28relinquishing control of how it's edited, because otherwise, would that be too much pressure on you?
02:33Maybe, and, but in most scenarios, you're not going to have a choice. I mean, you know, that's just how
02:37it works.
02:38It's, you know, we tried to negotiate some ability to, to have some editorial control, or to veto certain things,
02:43and, like, absolutely not, you know, editors and, and directors, you know, they, they need that control to,
02:49you know, really tell the story the way they need to, but, but yeah, you really just have to put
02:52your
02:53trust in them, and hope that you have the right people.
02:55Yeah, and is there any advantage to walking through life with a film crew with you?
03:00Um, you know, I, I think, you know, just the opportunity to reach people, and, and enact change,
03:05I mean, I think that's, that's the big opportunity, and, but yeah, for me, honestly, like, during the filming of
03:10the whole thing,
03:10I had to remind myself that I was on camera, and that I was wearing a mic, because, you know,
03:15I would,
03:16I was just being myself, and I think that's what you really see in the film, it's, it's very authentic,
03:19and very real, nothing's scripted, nothing's planned, and they just followed my life for two,
03:24two and a half years, and, and I think you really see that, and, but yeah, I would be walking
03:27around,
03:28and saying things, I'm like, you know, do I really want that recorded? And, uh, but, um, but yeah,
03:34so, I mean, it really, honestly, it was very normal.
03:36Let's talk a little bit about the subject of the documentary. Uh, what, how has it been like
03:42existing in your body throughout your lifetime? Have there been moments, I know there, there are
03:47obviously moments of transition and discomfort, uh, but did you ever get to a place where you're
03:53comfortable in your own skin, and then did that needle change? Did it move?
03:57Um, I mean, I think with the process, you, you know, you move along as fast as you're ready for,
04:02and there are certain things sometimes you're not willing to admit to yourself. Um, for a long time,
04:06I never really acknowledged the fact that I was trans. I even, you know, I knew how I felt by
04:11the
04:11time I was five or six years old, but I didn't know exactly what those feelings meant, and I didn't
04:15know how to explain it or verbalize it, and then, um, and then as I got older and really started
04:19dealing with it, I still was kind of in denial about that. I didn't want it to be true. You
04:23know,
04:23I didn't want to be trans. I had a pretty good life and had accomplished a lot of things and
04:26was
04:27doing very well as a successful power lifter. And, and, uh, yeah, I didn't want to be trans.
04:32So it wasn't until, um, I was reading a book by Donna Rose, um, called Wrapped in Blue, and she
04:38was
04:39a high level college wrestler. And until that point, I had never read about a trans woman that was,
04:43was like me as far as being athletic and done all these masculine pursuits or what we perceive as
04:48masculine. And, um, but yeah, and I was reading about her at one point. She was talking about lifting
04:53weights and getting more muscular and competing and wrestling. And I wrestled for a long time and
04:57really enjoyed it. And I remember like stopping in the middle of the page and going, Oh crap.
05:02And then just that realization hitting home, like, Oh my God, I might be trans too. And, uh, but yeah,
05:07so I think you accept things as you're ready for them. And, and it's definitely a process and,
05:11you know, you move forward and some people, you know, transitioning as fast as possible is the best
05:15thing and other people, it takes time. And, and it's not always a clear cut. Like sometimes people think,
05:19Oh, you just go from male to female or female to male. Um, for a lot of people, a lot
05:23of us,
05:24it's not that clear and we don't necessarily fit tightly in one box. And for me, even though I
05:28identify as transgender, I also identify as gender fluid and non-binary. So I don't fit neatly in one
05:33box. And even now, you know, my presentation changes a little bit from day to day. And,
05:37and some days I feel more masculine, some days I feel more feminine and, and, um, there's a degree
05:42of fluidity to it. And, uh, so it can be complicated. So now I really just try to not think
05:47about
05:47male, female, masculine, feminine, I just try to be myself and do what makes me feel comfortable.
05:52What makes me happy. And, and that definitely brings me the most peace for sure.
05:55It seems like the pursuit of, uh, of changing your body for the, for the art of bodybuilding,
06:02for that sport, and also the pursuit of altering your image as a woman, it almost kind of comes from
06:09the same place psychologically. I feel like the way that women alter their appearance to look a certain
06:15way and the way that bodybuilders alter their appearance. Sure. And I, and I think a lot of
06:19it is driven by insecurities on both sides. You know, things we're insecure about can often be
06:23our biggest motivators and it can be a very negative thing, but it also can be used in a
06:26positive way and stronger. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And I'm a big believer in adversity strengthens us
06:33if we let it. And, you know, fortunately I've been through a lot of things in life that were tough
06:36and it's made me a stronger person. And, um, but yeah, I definitely think you can draw some similarities
06:41there between, you know, bodybuilding and I mean, for me, powerlifting and bodybuilding was more
06:45about winning. I mean, I'm a competitor, I'm an athlete and I, I just wanted to be number one.
06:49And that's why I really derived a lot of satisfaction from that. But, um, but yeah,
06:53and then changing my body as I transition is really just trying to feel comfortable with my own skin,
06:57which is something I've never known. So, you know, different motivations, but I think there's a lot of
07:01parallels. Uh, you've spoken before about mental toughness. Um, can you describe what mental toughness is?
07:08Um, to me, mental toughness is being able to, you know, do something even if it's uncomfortable.
07:13So it's like, you know, we may be talking about physical pain, we might be talking about
07:16psychological pain, but yeah, toughness is being able to do what needs to be done even when it's
07:21really difficult for us to persevere. And, you know, in powerlifting, I, you know, I overcame a
07:26number of injuries and setbacks and tore lots of muscles. I had three surgeries related to lifting and
07:31things like that. And, and every time I overcame one of them, it gave me the confidence to
07:35overcome more in the future. And then with, um, you know, being transgender and transitioning,
07:41honestly, the toughest part was, was being secure in who I am and, and, you know, taking a path that
07:46wasn't popular and that no one was excited about. I mean, when you come out as trans, you might have
07:50people that are supportive in your life, but no one's going, yes, oh, that's so great. You know,
07:54it's, it's a tough thing. And people recognize that. And, and, um, you know, it's, and especially with me
08:00being so much different than your typical trans woman, you know, I've kind of had to blaze my own
08:04path and, and make, you know, just kind of try to make room for myself and hopefully other people
08:08at the same time. So that was very difficult. It's not easy, you know, walking out in public
08:13being a 240 pound trans woman. And, you know, people look at you all the time and sometimes the
08:17reactions are very negative. And when I was pursuing new employment, you know, I didn't, I didn't get a
08:22lot of interviews. I mean, I put out like 50 applications before I got my first interview.
08:26You know, you Google my name and tons of stuff comes up right away. And, and so that makes it
08:30very difficult to be out and open when you're so different from the majority of society.
08:35And, um, yeah, so I think that's where toughness comes in with that is just being able to be
08:39uncomfortable and do things anyway, because it, and it's given me a very unique perspective.
08:44I mean, in my life, especially at the peak of my powerlifting career, one day, I might be at
08:48an expo signing autographs and taking photos with fans. And then, you know, the next day,
08:52I'm back as a pharmacist working a regular nine to five job. And then, but then another day,
08:55I'm going out as a woman who doesn't pass and being treated like I'm less than human.
08:59So it was like these extremes of both ends and all these different worlds. But, but I think it was
09:04a
09:04very good experience and very sobering for me and really kept me grounded and helped me see things
09:08from so many different perspectives.
09:10Yeah. Yeah. And you have three sons and in the documentary, it shows that you have such a healthy,
09:16well-adjusted relationship with them. I'm about to have my first son and I would love to know
09:22what kind of advice you can give when you are going through things and you're having rough times,
09:27how to stay connected with your kids.
09:28Yeah, I think that's hugely important. And it was one of those things that was always very,
09:32very important to me. Um, to any parent, I would emphasize honesty, always be honest. Um,
09:38if you're lying, kids are going to know it. And I, I definitely something I garnered from the Marines
09:42that I think is very, very important is lead by example. Um, I mean, my parents, especially my mom,
09:47would do the, do as I say, not as I do. And you know, everybody recognizes the hypocrisy in that.
09:53It's hard to respect someone when you see them doing what they tell you not to. And, um, but for
09:58me, and I know with my boys, they respect me a ton because they know I'm honest and they know
10:02they
10:03can trust me and they know if I'm asking them to do something that I can do it myself or
10:06I have done it.
10:07And, um, and I'm always going to try as hard as I can to be honest and, and, and do
10:12things the right
10:12way. And so yeah, leadership by example, being open and honest because we're not perfect and
10:17everyone makes mistakes. And, and a lot of people think as parents, oh, I can't tell my kids about
10:22things I've done wrong because they'll encourage them to do the same thing. No, they're, they're
10:26going to, especially by the time they reach their teenage years, they're going to recognize that
10:29not everyone's perfect. And if you lie about those things and they find out about them later,
10:32that erodes the trust between you. So yeah, open openness, honesty, and leadership by example,
10:38I would say are the biggest things. And, uh, as a Marine, um, have you, uh, have you thought
10:44deeply about the transgender ban that Trump and Prince are trying to put through and how it affects
10:50your community? For sure. I find it hugely insulting, um, especially for, from people who have never
10:55served, um, you know, how it's like, how dare they even try to impose these bans when they haven't been
11:00there and done the jobs that I've done. And so many of my transgender, um, you know, comrades have done.
11:06So it's just, um, yeah, that, that baffles me. And I, and I think that's really pandering for
11:11political reasons, but, um, but yeah, it's so unfair, unjust. And so many, there's a study,
11:18I saw a study recently that the percentage of transgender people that have served of the
11:22community is much higher than the rest of the population. I know so many trans women that were
11:26Marines, army rangers. And, um, one of my trans friends right now, she's a captain in army infantry
11:32and she's an amazing officer and her command loves her. And, um, to, to think that just because we
11:38have a different gender identity, somehow we're not fit to serve and can't do the job. That's just
11:41absurd. And especially coming from people, like I said, that have no experience in this area,
11:45have never served themselves. It's, it's hugely insulting. Yes. If you could deliver this film to
11:50one person, hand deliver it, who would you want it to get to? Oh my gosh, probably a young transgender
11:57child that's struggling, that doesn't have, um, support in their life, you know, maybe a non-supportive
12:02family. Yeah. Last question to you. Uh, why is it important that people see this documentary?
12:08Like you said, people are going to, people who may not otherwise be interested in, um, in this subject
12:16matter are going to see this documentary. Why is it important? Well, I think it's, it's all about
12:20education and inspiration, right? So like educating people who don't understand and inspiring people who can
12:26relate and are struggling. So for me, you know, the opportunity that maybe, you know, especially
12:31the, you know, masculine crowd and, and people that, you know, can relate to my Marine Corps
12:35experiences or my background in sports and, and powerlifting would, might be interested in this,
12:40where otherwise they wouldn't be. And I think it's just a chance for them to understand something
12:44that they, maybe they have no understanding of and have never been exposed to. I think there's just
12:48so much misinformation and misrepresentation of the transgender community. I mean, a lot of people think
12:52we're sexual perverts or we're mentally ill that you see that it's so commonly thrown out there.
12:56And there's, and there's absolutely no truth in that. We're just like everyone else other than
13:00our gender identity. We want to, we want to be happy. We want to be loved. We want to be
13:04successful.
13:04It's all those same things. And we're all different types of people. It's just our gender identity
13:08that's different. And so I think it's important to, I think people can see that in this film,
13:12they'll see that, you know, I, there's a lot of things I'm really good at and there's other things
13:16I struggle with. And, and, uh, other than having a different gender identity,
13:20I think a lot of people can relate to this film. And, you know, it's just really a struggle to
13:24be
13:24yourself and be authentic, which even if you're not trans, I think all of us go through at some
13:28point in life. And what's next for you? Well, um, you know, hoping that the film does really well
13:34and opens up other opportunities for speaking and education for me. And then I'm also working
13:37on an autobiography, which talks not only about the time period, you know, during the, while the movie
13:42was shot, but also my entire life and all my, all the other experiences growing up, you know, trans and,
13:47you know, having to hide all those things and struggling with all that, you know, my time in
13:51the Marines and, you know, working in presidential security, and then also, you know, all my power
13:55lifting achievements and my life with my boys, that'll all be in the book. So I'm really excited
13:59about that. Wonderful. Well, Janae, thank you so much for being here. The movie is Transformer
14:04and it's available theatrically and online. Awesome. Thank you so much. Thank you.
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