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Tuna First, Justice Second The Orange Cat Detective - Full
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Short filmTranscript
00:10Three more days, if I can't come up with the rent, they'll kick all the cats out onto the street.
00:25Oh my god, no!
00:47Breaking news. Mayor Harrison was reported missing last night.
00:52Police say there were signs of a struggle and Walberu are dissolvers.
00:55Hey, nurse, where's my Norwegian deep-sea tuna with goat milk?
01:00If you don't serve it right now, I'm filing a complaint for taxpayer abuse.
01:06Bullshit! All the news is bullshit.
01:10There was no struggle. The old man was chlorophyll from behind by someone he knew while he was reading.
01:16And that antique clock?
01:18They deliberately slowed it down by 15 minutes to create an alibi.
01:27Hey! Don't pass out on me! I haven't even ordered breakfast yet!
01:38I'm not dreaming. I can actually hear a cat talking?
01:43Took you long enough. Now stop pinching yourself and listen up.
01:47My name is Murphy, and I'm the only witness to the mayor's kidnapping.
01:51The kidnapper smelled like cheap sandalwood mixed with industrial motor oil.
01:56Wait, how do you know all this? And why can I hear you?
01:59Who cares about the why? What matters is that the police are idiots and we need to stop the bad
02:03guys before it's too late.
02:05Now take me to the police station and make it snappy.
02:08Detective Luke! The news is wrong. The mayor was kidnapped at 10.45pm, not 11.
02:14The kidnapper is someone he knows, and he smells like motor oil.
02:18Very precise time and scent profile. Who's your informant? Where is he?
02:30What are you looking at, pretty boy? Stare any longer, and I'll scratch that perfect face of yours.
02:38Security? There's a delusional woman in my office.
02:41And send the narcotics unit with a test kit. I think she's on something.
02:51Stupid cops! You deserve to never solve a case in your life!
03:00This is a terrible idea. If we get caught, I'll go to jail for breaking and entering.
03:05Relax. The police already think you're crazy.
03:08What's the worst that can happen? They lock you up with the other lunatics?
03:12Now crawl into that vent. And try not to get stuck. Your hips are wider than they look.
03:19Wow. You move like a pregnant Walfrus. Hurry up before the security guards do their rounds.
03:27Okay, here's what happened. The bastard was standing right here, pretending to hand over a file.
03:33When the old man turned around, he covered his mouth with a chloroform-soaked towel.
03:39The mayor struggled and scratched the guy's cuff.
03:45I found it! A cufflink! And there's blood on it!
03:50Great. Now check for fingerprints next to it. That should be our smoking gun.
04:06Shit. Someone's coming back to destroy the evidence. Hide!
04:23Stop squeezing me so tight. I can't breathe. And your hands are shaking like a leaf.
04:34Who's in there? Show yourself!
04:47This isn't a coincidence. Who is she really?
04:51You think this is funny? Royal Karen costs $20 a can.
04:54We just paid a fine for trespassing last night. Now we can only afford expired cat food.
04:58Expired cat food. Are you kidding me? I saved your life last night. I deserve the best tuna money can
05:04buy. You're the worst human partner ever.
05:08I must be losing my mind.
05:13There's no way a cat is helping her solve crimes.
05:18My dear fellow citizens, we are all devastated by the disappearance of our beloved Mayor Harrison.
05:23He was a great man, a visionary, and I promise you I will do everything in my power to find
05:28him and bring him home safely.
05:30To honor his legacy and revitalize our town's economy, I am announcing that we will move forward with the chemical
05:35plant project.
05:36Mayor Harrison had previously opposed.
05:39This will bring thousands of jobs and millions in revenue to our community.
05:47Oh my god! Look at his left wrist! The Rolex! The Z-scratch on the band! It matches the cufflink
05:54exactly!
05:55That's the guy who let the kidnappers in with his spare key.
05:59This isn't just a kidnapping. It's a coup.
06:04He wants the mayor gone so he can sign that chemical plant permit. The kickbacks must be in the millions.
06:17We're in deep shit now, kid. This guy owns the police. He owns the whole town.
06:38So, you want information about the van that was behind the town hall that night?
06:43The rules are simple. Ten cans of top-grade Norwegian tuna.
06:49And you have to get rid of the stray dog gang that's been terrorizing the hot dog stand on East
06:53Street.
06:53Ten cans? That's almost all the money I have, and I can't fight a gang of dogs?
06:58Quit whining! Do you want to find the mayor or not? Now go get the tuna, and don't come back
07:03empty-handed.
07:09What the hell are you doing in my trash? Get out of here, you filthy beggar!
07:20Oh no! Run, Murphy! Run!
07:22Run!
07:37Remind me never to let you do the sneaking around again. You're terrible at it.
07:48It was a black Ford van. The right rear tire was badly worn. It was a rain tire. License plate
07:54ends with XT-908.
07:56It headed towards the South Junkyard at 1 a.m.
07:59Detective Luke, the van used in the mayor's kidnapping is a black Ford. License plate XT-908.
08:05Check the South Junkyard, and be careful. There's a mole in the police department.
08:17Son of a bitch.
08:20The whole department is compromised.
08:31Listen, crazy lady. I don't know who you are, and I don't know how you know what you know.
08:36But you're right. There's a mole.
08:38Meet me at the old docks at 8 p.m. tonight.
08:41Bring your... cat in for me. We need to talk.
08:44I'll be there.
08:46But if this is a trap, my cat will scratch your eyes out.
09:07You actually brought the cat.
09:10Nice to finally meet you, pretty boy. Too bad you're such a terrible detective.
09:17Let's cut to the chase. The van is at the South Junkyard. But we can't call for backup. I don't
09:24know who I can trust anymore.
09:26Then it's just the three of us.
09:35This is the mayor's tie clip. He was definitely here.
09:40Wait, it's thicker than it should do. There's something inside.
09:46The mayor must have hidden this as evidence. He knew someone was after him.
09:57Well, well. Look what the cat dragged in.
10:02Hand over the SD card, and maybe we'll make your deaths quick.
10:09Hold on tight, kids. It's about to get furry.
10:33Holy shit! That cat just disarmed a man!
10:44I officially take back everything I said. You're not a witch. You're a general with a biological army of cats.
10:52Told you I was the brains of this operation. Now pull over at that motel. We need to interrogate our
10:58guest.
11:03Talk. Where is the mayor? Who do you work for?
11:11You know what? I don't have time for this.
11:14If you don't tell us everything right now, I'm going to climb into your pants and pee on your balls.
11:18And trust me, I've been holding it in for three hours.
11:21Okay! Okay! I'll talk! The mayor is still alive! They handed him over to Eagle! That's all I know! I
11:26swear!
11:27Eagle? Who or what is Eagle?
11:30Ugh. Freeze-dried? Do I look like a stray? But fine. I'll eat it.
11:35I haven't had a decent snack since that idiot husband of Selena's disappeared.
11:40Chanel, we need your help. Do you know anything about what happened the night the mayor went missing?
11:46Oh, please. Selena didn't care that he was missing. She was in the guest room with her personal trainer that
11:50night.
11:51They were talking about forging a death citrican so she could collect the huge life insurance policy.
11:55She's been cheating on him for years.
12:02Having a nice dinner, Selena? Too bad your alibi is a lie. You weren't home alone the night the mayor
12:07disappeared.
12:09You were right here. With him.
12:11What are you talking about? That's ridiculous! I was in bed by 9pm!
12:15Cut the crap! We have witnesses! You were planning to forge his death certificate and steal the insurance money.
12:23Now give us the combination to the mayor's study safe, or I'll tell the police everything.
12:38Good work. Now let's go check that safe.
12:57Three of my best men are dead. This isn't rat poison. It's something much stronger.
13:09It's sodium cyanide. High concentration. This is exactly the raw material Victor's chemical plant will be using.
13:17He's using the town's cats as test subjects.
13:25I'm going to make him pay.
13:28As you can see, this plant is completely safe.
13:32Safe. There will be no toxic emissions. No harm to the environment or the people of this town.
13:44Safe? You call this safe?
13:51This is the completely safe raw material you're talking about!
13:55You poisoned these cats to silence them. You're a monster. Your hands are covered in blood.
14:04You're a monster. You're a monster. You're a monster. You're a monster.
14:04Security! Remove this insane woman! She's clearly disturbed and dangerous.
14:19I'm never doing this again. I think I lost three pounds.
14:22And my fur is covered in dust. I need a bath.
14:32You're a monster. You're a monster. You're a monster.
14:33Bingo. That's the safe code.
14:35Bingo. That's the safe code.
14:54What do you want me to do, boss?
14:59Bingo.
15:00Bingo.
15:27Bingo.
15:29Bingo.
15:29is going to kill you tomorrow car accident on the coastal highway way and the police chief is on his
15:35payroll we can't trust anyone we can't go to the police they'll just tip victor off we're on our own
15:45he's inviting me to his house for dinner tonight are you crazy this is a trap
15:51he's gonna kill you as soon as you walk through that door i'm not letting you go
15:57this is our only chance to find out where the mayor is he's holding him somewhere in that house
16:01i have to go luke i need you to wait outside if i don't come out in an hour call
16:06the fbi
16:06send them everything we have
16:11we need eyes and ears inside this is the only way
16:18i can handle this
16:22please these amateurs couldn't find a flea on a dog
16:42miss emily i must say i admire your courage most people would have run away after what happened at
16:48the hearing let's be reasonable you're a smart girl this check can be for any amount you want
16:55enough to buy you a new life anywhere in the world all you have to do is forget about the
16:59mayor and the
16:59chemical plant deal any amount hmm i think i want a million dollars and a lifetime supply of tuna for
17:07my cat done as long as you keep your mouth shut
17:15let's see b-a-s-e-m-e-t-o-l-o-d-m-a-n-m-o-v-t
17:19-m-i-d-n-i-t-y
17:21basement old man move midnight they're moving the mayor to the basement at midnight
17:30oh no i'm so clumsy i need to go to the bathroom to clean this up
17:39so
17:45so
18:05Mayor Harrison, is that you?
18:08We're here to rescue you.
18:17Bravo, Miss Emery. You're much more resourceful than I gave you credit for.
18:22Let him go, Victor. It's over.
18:24We have all the evidence. The FBI is on their way.
18:28The FBI? Please. By the time they get here, you and the mayor will be at the bottom of the
18:32ocean.
18:33You really thought I would let you leave this house alive?
18:40Any last words, Miss Emery?
18:43Yes. You should have checked your study safe.
18:47The real ledger is already on its way to the governor's desk.
18:50If I die, it gets published tomorrow morning.
19:24Thanks, Murphy.
19:26Thanks, Murphy.
19:44Shoot them! Shoot them!
19:47Don't let them escape! Kill them all!
19:55We need to get out of here! Now!
20:14We need to get out of here! Now!
20:21What? This is a mistake! Victor is the real kidnapper! We have evidence!
20:25Save it. We have an audio recording of Miss Emily demanding a $5 million ransom for the mayor.
20:30And we have witnesses who saw you two breaking into Victor's house last night.
20:34Mayor Harrison is in my hands.
20:37Prepare $5 million in cash, or I'll kill him.
20:40That's not me! It's AI generated! Victor forged it!
20:46Tell it to the judge. Take them away.
20:53Game over, little volunteer. Your detective boyfriend is suspended and under investigation.
20:58Tonight, I'm going to watch the mayor sink into the cold sea.
21:02And you? You're going to spend the rest of your life in a maximum security prison with the worst criminals
21:08in the state.
21:22I think I lost a layer of skin, and I smell like sewage.
21:26You owe me a lifetime supply of luxury cat baths, Emily.
21:30And king crab legs. Lots of king crab legs.
21:33Murphy! You came for me! How did you get in here?
21:37I have my ways.
21:39Now listen carefully.
21:40Scar and the boys are going to create a distraction in five minutes.
21:43They're going to set off all the car alarms in the parking lot and cut the backup generator.
21:47When the guards run out, I'll get you the keys.
21:49Then we escape through the maintenance tunnel.
22:00What the hell is going on now?
22:03The backup generator is dead! Go check the parking lot!
22:13Hurry! We don't have much time!
22:22Get in! We have to get out of town before they put out an APB!
22:33We have new intel. Victor is meeting with the foreign mafia at the old east side shipping dock at midnight.
22:38They're going to trade drugs and money.
22:40The mayor is in a blue heavy duty container.
22:42They're going to load him onto a ship called Eagle, and sail him out to international waters to dispose of
22:47him.
22:47Eagle. So it's not a person. It's a ship.
22:51That makes sense. He can't kill the mayor in town. Too many loose ends.
22:55Sending him out to sea is the perfect way to make him disappear forever.
23:06Tonight, there are no suspended cops and no wanted fugitives.
23:09There are only people who are going to take back what's theirs.
23:12We're going to rescue the mayor, take down Victor, and end this once and for all.
23:16All right, listen up, fur balls. Tonight, fight! We fight! For tuna! For catnip! For justice!
23:24And if anyone tries to stop us, scratch their eyes out!
23:45The container is ready. As soon as it's loaded, we'll transfer the money to your offshore account.
23:51Good. And make sure there are no witnesses. I don't want any loose ends.
24:06No! No! The old man is in that blue box! He has severe thazerophobia! The water pressure will give him
24:12a heart attack! We have to stop it!
24:29Emily! Wait! It's too dangerous!
24:32Emily! Wait! It's too dangerous!
24:32Melissa!
24:33It's too dangerous!
24:38Toen the car in the Bettanyh-
24:57Andraan cape.
25:01Stop the crane!
25:03Now!
25:10What the hell is she doing up there?
25:14Kill her!
25:15Kill her now!
25:29If I'm going down, you're going down with me!
25:34No!
25:37Ew!
25:42For the tuna!
25:51Ew!
25:58Murphy!
26:16Mayor Harrison!
26:18We're here!
26:19You're safe now!
26:23Luke!
26:24Emily!
26:26I knew you'd come!
26:29Meow!
26:36You old fool!
26:39If you had died, who would buy me the good tuna?
26:43I had to save your sorry ass!
26:48How touching!
26:50A hero's welcome!
26:53Too bad it's going to be your last!
26:56You're trapped!
26:57There's nowhere to run!
27:11This is perfect!
27:13I'll kill all of you, dump your bodies in the sea, and tell the world you were the ones who
27:18kidnapped the mayor!
27:20I'll be hailed as a hero!
27:22The chemical plant will be built, and I'll be the richest man in the state!
27:30Any last words before I blow your heads off?
27:37Yes.
27:39You forgot one thing.
27:41You messed with the wrong cats.
27:54What is that, a dog whistle?
27:57Are you trying to call a dog to save you?
27:59How pathetic!
28:00You're the best place to save you!
28:15Meow!
28:22Meow!
28:23Meow! Meow! Meow!
28:27Meow!
28:29Meow!
28:32Meow!
28:33Meow!
28:35Meow!
28:37Meow!
28:38Meow!
28:40Get them off me! Get them off!
28:43I surrender!
28:44I surrender! Please make the cats stop!
28:52This is impossible!
28:54This is a nightmare!
28:56They're just cats! Just cats!
28:58Told you we had an army?
29:00Now let's go get that son of a bitch!
29:20He's getting away! Don't let him escape!
29:42Die!
29:43You stupid cop!
29:49Meow!
29:55Meow!
29:56Meow!
29:56Hey, asshole!
29:58Meow!
30:00Meow!
30:11No! Help!
30:14Ugh!
30:15Tastes like cheap cologne and corruption!
30:20Ugh!
30:22Remind me to brush my teeth for a week!
30:26Remind me never to make you angry!
30:51Everyone freeze!
30:52FBI!
30:53You are all under arrest!
30:56Ugh!
30:59This isn't over!
31:01I'll get out!
31:02I'll kill you all!
31:04Save it for the judge, you're going to Supermax!
31:08You'll never see the light of day again!
31:10No! Let me go!
31:11Help!
31:25Let me go!
31:27Let me go!
31:28Let me go!
31:29Let me go!
31:34Help!
31:35Gaun!
32:02I hereby sign Executive Order 1,
32:04The chemical plant project is permanently cancelled.
32:07All heavy industry contracts are terminated.
32:10A special task group will be formed to investigate all of Victor's associates.
32:14Anyone involved in corruption will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.
32:24This is acceptable, but I want a raise.
32:28More tuna and a private jet.
32:36I can't believe it.
32:38People actually care now.
32:40Of course they do.
32:42We saved their town.
32:44Now they owe us.
32:45And I intend to collect.
33:08More caviar.
33:09And bring me another plate of tuna.
33:11And make sure it's the good stuff.
33:13I'm a hero.
33:13To honor Miss Emily's bravery and her dedication to our town's animals,
33:17the town council has voted to allocate the most beautiful land in the south of town
33:20to build the state's largest and most advanced stray animal sanctuary.
33:23And we are appointing Miss Emily as its executive director.
33:36You look beautiful tonight.
33:38Thanks.
33:39You don't look so bad yourself.
33:47I made this for you. I know it's not much but I was wondering if you would let me be
33:53your partner
33:54not just for cases for everything. If the sanctuary needs a security guard or if you
33:59need someone to help you solve mysteries I want to be that person. So what do you say?
34:06Okay, but probation period is three months and your salary is paid in cat treats.
34:15That bitch! That damn damn cat! I'll get out of here! I'll kill them all! I swear it!
34:24Take this letter to my contact in the city. Tell him to kill Emily and that fat cat.
34:30I'll pay him a million dollars when it's done.
34:34You got it, boss. I'll make sure it gets there.
34:41Hey, come back here, you stupid cat!
34:52Cats! Cats everywhere! They're watching me! They're all watching me!
35:07Don't get too comfortable, kid. The old man is safe. Victor is in jail.
35:11But this town is full of secrets and scumbags.
35:14Our work is just beginning.
35:31We got a new case. Good morning, Detective Emily. I have a case for you. A very high-paying one.
35:36Oh? What is it?
35:38The billionaire banker from the east side. His pet Amazon parrot went missing last night.
35:42But this isn't just any parrot. It can recite hundreds of digits.
35:45And according to his lawyer, it has memorized all of his offshore bank account password.
35:51How much is he paying?
35:52He said he'll pay whatever we want. Money is no object.
35:54Tell him we don't take checks.
35:56Our fee is three tons of the highest grade a lack in salmon.
36:01Fresh. Frozen is not acceptable.
36:04Did someone say salmon? Three tons?
36:09All right, fur balls. Let's move out. We got a parrot to find.
36:15And salmon to earn. For the salmon!
36:18Phew!
36:21Whee!
36:22Whee!
36:23Whee!
36:28Ukraine
36:29immune
36:30You
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