- 12 hours ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:16What the hell? We're being evicted?
00:18Oh, I'm sorry. Is your name Ethan O'Brien? Because that's the name on the lease.
00:23This is an illegal sublet.
00:24How many times do I have to explain this? Ethan's a pilot whose passion is the open air.
00:28Nice try. Your little boyfriend moved to Nashville to launch his music career.
00:33Oh, I did my detective work, girlies.
00:39No, no.
00:41No, no is right. His music is terrible. That is time I'll never get back.
00:45So go gentrify some godforsaken corner of Brooklyn like everybody else your age.
00:49I'm not cool enough for Brooklyn. They'll eat me alive.
00:51Antoine, please. We are just a poor, racially diverse pair of friends trying to make it in the big city.
00:57I work in the arts.
00:59And I'm an investment banker.
01:01Okay, this conversation is over.
01:03But if you'd like to continue this rant, go blame the guys who live across the hall from you.
01:07They're the ones who told me.
01:09What?
01:10And it wasn't even in passing.
01:12They do not like you.
01:17No, Antoine, wait, what?
01:35Hey, buddy.
01:37Josh.
01:37What's going on?
01:38I was asleep.
01:40We heard you crying all night. You want to talk about it?
01:42Or at least take off Vivian's robe.
01:45It's giving silence to the lambs.
01:46But this robe is the only thing I have left to remind me of her.
01:50See how you feel after you eat?
01:52We got your bacon, egg, and cheese.
01:55Of course.
01:57But that's your last one.
01:58You're single now.
01:59You've got to get rid of this love lard.
02:01Don't call him fat. You're going to give him a complex.
02:03Good.
02:04Body positivity is only for women.
02:06They can look however these days, but we've got to be ripped.
02:08And no girl is going to want to jump on those gorgeous bones of yours with your ex's stuff lying
02:12around.
02:13Put her stuff in here.
02:14I've got a job interview today. I could drop it off at her place on the way.
02:17Will you tell me what she says about me?
02:18No.
02:19Because honestly, that was a lie. I was just going to throw it out.
02:22Take your box.
02:23It's too soon.
02:24In any way, it isn't big enough for all the memories.
02:33What the f-
02:37Hey!
02:38Good morning.
02:39Hi.
02:41How are you?
02:43What a nice surprise.
02:44Care for the blender remnants of a protein smoothie?
02:47No.
02:47We don't want any of your stupid smoothie.
02:50Stupid?
02:51Uh, there's 70 grams of protein in there.
02:53I can't believe you little bitches narked on us.
02:56And I can't believe you defiantly glorified criminality.
02:59For months, I've put up with all of your bullshit.
03:02The girls coming in and out at all hours, storing your shitty ass bikes in the hallway,
03:06which you've never once used.
03:07Because the bike seat makes my penis numb.
03:11And I'm pretty sure you're stealing some of my Amazon packages.
03:15What?
03:15No, no.
03:16I would never steal.
03:17Oh, those are your rhinestone flip-flops?
03:22Yeah, I like sparkly things.
03:23And I've never said a word, but to be little snitches and get us evicted?
03:28If you did, that is low, even for you.
03:30I told Antoine, never mind.
03:31It was too late by the time you ratted us out.
03:33So you better fix this or else.
03:35Are you threatening us?
03:37You want to find out?
03:38My girl's from Dorchester, Massachusetts.
03:40Is that a tough neighborhood?
03:41I'm not familiar with local towns in other states.
03:44Well, I'm from Jersey.
03:44Ever heard of that bitch?
03:45Okay, okay, okay.
03:47Hey, we will fix this.
03:48Just so you know, it's not us.
03:50It's just Josh.
03:51Yeah, Josh only wanted the apartment for his girlfriend, but she dumped his fat ass.
03:54Good.
03:55Get your flops.
03:59Stretched them.
04:07I can't deal with this apartment shit right now.
04:10It's my first real day of work, and I need to make a big impression.
04:14I have decided it's my alpha day.
04:17Your what?
04:18Alpha day.
04:19Banking environments are famously competitive places.
04:22If you're not steamrolling someone, you are getting steamrolled.
04:26Did you get nothing from Wolf of Wall Street?
04:28I mostly remember Leo's naked butt.
04:30It deserved an Oscar.
04:32Okay.
04:32Well, I need to send a message that says,
04:35I am hyper-competent.
04:37I don't need anyone's help, and I don't love strip clubs,
04:40but I can sit at the bar and eat wings.
04:42And hope your boss doesn't remember you called him an asshole and fire you.
04:45I was trying not to think about that.
04:47Yes, that too.
04:48Damn it.
04:50That one.
04:55Alpha day.
04:56Alpha day.
04:56I am an alpha!
04:58I am a boss!
05:05Kate, I am so thankful you found me a job so fast.
05:09Are you kidding me?
05:10We always need substitute teachers.
05:12A lot of our staff take lengthy mental health sabbaticals.
05:15And honestly, I was excited to hear from you.
05:20It's been a minute.
05:21I know.
05:22I got so busy with med school and everything.
05:24Yeah, well, it's great to have you here.
05:26I always thought you had the kind soul and warm eyes of an educator.
05:33Um, I'm really here for the schedule.
05:35Substitute teaching will give me a lot of time to focus on auditioning.
05:38And I need to book an acting gig before I can tell my parents that I quit med school.
05:42So, what excites you most about teaching is not being at school?
05:47No, no, no, no.
05:47It's so much more than that.
05:49I see.
05:50Yeah, I mean, like, I need money for rent and groceries and food and stuff.
05:54Totally.
05:55Totally.
05:55Well, your first class is at two.
05:58Do I need to stick around until then?
05:59Or...
06:00I mean, it's not a written rule, but...
06:02Best job ever.
06:03I...
06:03I...
06:04Just...
06:04Just to say it.
06:05I know we have a romantic history.
06:08A conversation about hummus at a party turned undefined hookup situation.
06:15And I promise you that will not affect our clearly defined professional relationship.
06:20Thank you, Kate.
06:21I'll see you at two.
06:22I'll see you at two.
06:24Two.
06:24Yeah.
06:24Awesome.
06:25Awesome.
06:26Yeah.
06:33Ooh, I found you and Abby a listing.
06:35A two-bedroom on Rikers Island.
06:37You mean Randall's Island?
06:39No, this says Rikers.
06:40Fine.
06:41Send it to me.
06:46He's here.
06:48Who?
06:49What is it?
06:50It's Bill, dumbass.
06:52Office, don't get fired.
06:53Office, don't get fired.
06:54Stop whispering.
06:57And throw away your food.
06:58He hates seeing people eat.
07:00How do you eat them?
07:01Alone or more on the toilet.
07:05I paid the cost to be the boss.
07:10I paid the cost to be the boss.
07:15I paid the cost to be the boss.
07:20Right?
07:20Look at me.
07:22No, I'm not.
07:23See a bad muck.
07:33Hey, what are you doing?
07:35Get in here.
07:41Congratulations.
07:43Today is the best and worst day of your life.
07:46Do any of you consumer and retail experts know what Yarn Barn is?
07:51Launched in 2013 by Roland Shumwurtz at the St. Louis-based crafting box store.
07:54My mom orders all her bedazzling kits from there.
07:57Are you into crafting?
07:58Do I look like I'm into crafting?
07:59No.
08:00Correct.
08:01Thankfully, many people are.
08:03Yarn Barn is in 37 states and valued at over $3 billion.
08:07Stanson Capital is buying it.
08:08Ellison Grant is doing the deal.
08:10Oh, cool.
08:11Someone has the internet.
08:13What you don't know is Ellison Grant fucked the deal last night.
08:16What?
08:17How?
08:17Rookie move.
08:18They were talking shit about Yarn Barn's founder.
08:20Roland Shumwurtz.
08:21We know his name, Jocelyn.
08:23Finish your story, Bill.
08:25It's great.
08:26Anyway, they were on Slack saying his wife is divorcing him because he looks like a turtle
08:31in a wool sweater.
08:32But those dummies didn't realize Turtle Face was also on the thread.
08:36So now they're out and we have a chance to poach it.
08:39Hey, do I know you?
08:41No.
08:42I'm the new first year I started yesterday.
08:44I've never met you before, sir.
08:46Are you sure?
08:46I don't know.
08:47Do you go to the Trader Joe's on 31st and 3rd?
08:50What's Trader Joe's?
08:50It's a discount grocery store founded by Joe Klob.
08:53Now, at 10 a.m. tomorrow, Roland is coming here where he will read the best pitch book
08:59you have ever made.
09:00Tomorrow?
09:01It takes a week to put together a book like this.
09:04Well, then I suggest you get to work.
09:05Bill, I for one thrive under pressure.
09:08Thank you for putting your trust in us.
09:12Dilip, you're with me.
09:13We're meeting Roland at a crafting convention in Cleveland in six hours.
09:16Why are you still here?
09:18At home.
09:27Hey, girl.
09:28I got your green juice and Adderall.
09:34You're resting, so I'm going to go.
09:38I saw Austin's outfit.
09:39I can explain.
09:40He looked incredible.
09:44He did?
09:44I mean, I wouldn't have chosen that color for him, but you could tell that he loved how he
09:47looked.
09:47He did a good job.
09:48Did you just say good job to me?
09:49Stop.
09:50Don't make a thing of it.
09:51So you're not mad about blemish?
09:53Oh, no.
09:53I am furious.
09:54I had a small heart attack last night and I flatlined for two minutes, but what else could
09:57you have done?
09:58It's not like you picked out that outfit and suggested he wear it.
10:01Oh, God, no.
10:03Taking advantage of your absence to push my own agenda.
10:06I'd get fired for that.
10:07Fired?
10:08You'd never work again.
10:09All right.
10:10I need you to pick up Austin's suit.
10:12He's at the Cherry Lane Theater rehearsing for some boring play.
10:15I'm on it.
10:16Wait.
10:18You didn't happen to bring any cigarettes with you, did you?
10:21To the emergency room, no.
10:24Just leave.
10:24Go.
10:34Hey, is now a bad time to grab a seltzer?
10:39Yes.
10:45I'm really sorry, again, for taking your job.
10:50If I had known you were next in line...
10:51You'd what?
10:52Not have done it?
10:56Look, I've been thinking.
10:57If you like, I could put in a good word with my dad.
11:00He burns through his assistance, but he hasn't met you yet, right?
11:04Excuse me, I've got to go get my lumbar support belt, as I've got 20 more pallets of seltzer to
11:09unload.
11:19Try it in the work text.
11:29what the hell
11:32they're not even red
11:33they're Vermont Barnes
11:39can you believe this
11:41my co-workers
11:42have a secret text chain
11:44where they call me Joffrey
11:46I can see it
11:46yeah I can see it too
11:48evil Nepo son of the king
11:49that's the problem
11:50they hate me so much
11:52I'm not even invited
11:53to work drinks tomorrow night
11:54how do I fix this
11:55man they just don't know you
11:57in the 7th grade
11:57I thought you were a huge nerd
11:59and then I went to your bar mitzvah
12:00and Bruno Mars was there
12:02and I decided you were cool
12:03that's neither a compliment
12:05nor helpful
12:05dude you're the best person we know
12:07you saved my life
12:08wait Josh diagnosed your arrhythmia?
12:10no
12:10no I've almost died a lot
12:11this was homecoming
12:122019
12:13I drank so much
12:14I passed out in a bush
12:15and started choking on my own puke
12:17luckily that bush
12:18was in front of Hell House
12:19Hillel House
12:19the Jewish affinity group
12:21and it was a mitzvah
12:23cause this sweet angel saw me
12:25rolled me on my side
12:25and removed all my ideas
12:26so the cops couldn't call my parents
12:28yes be that guy
12:29that guy is awesome
12:30there's no way your co-workers
12:32won't love you
12:32just crash the drinks
12:33really?
12:34just show up uninvited
12:36I don't even like it
12:37when you guys have friends over
12:38without asking
12:39no no no
12:39crashing's cool
12:40wedding crashers
12:41favorite movie
12:41crash into me
12:42best Dave Matthew song
12:43and a crash cart
12:44saved my life
12:45when my arrhythmia was acting up
12:48you know what
12:49you guys are right
12:49I'm going
12:50but I really hate the bar they picked
12:53should I suggest a nicer one
12:53no man
12:54you're hopeless
12:55why do we even bother giving you advice
12:58excuse me
12:58excuse me
12:59excuse me
13:00his stylist
13:10I'm here to pick up a package
13:12for Vanessa Sue
13:15thank you
13:16thank you so much
13:16oh hey
13:18oh hi
13:19I'm Abby
13:20I work for Vanessa
13:22I dressed you last night
13:23yeah I know who you are
13:24what kind of sociopath
13:26forget someone from 12 hours ago
13:27you get used to being invisible
13:29in this job
13:29once Vanessa stood on my hand
13:31for an entire fitting
13:32I doubt you could ever be invisible
13:38you were right by the way
13:40the outfit thing
13:41the film wasn't tracking well
13:42and now they're thinking about
13:43adding more theaters
13:44so thank you
13:46yeah it's my pleasure
13:50okay I'm gonna go elbow my way
13:52through a pack of deranged
13:53teenagers now
13:54yeah it's crazy huh
13:55I tried to go to Joe's
13:57to get a piece of pizza
13:57and one of them bit me
13:59oh
13:59I think I'm gonna have a zin
14:01for lunch
14:03hey I'd love to see you again
14:05wow
14:07that is obviously
14:10beyond flattering
14:11but I just got my first
14:13compliment from Vanessa
14:14I cannot mess this up
14:16so I can't see you like that
14:19I need to set that boundary
14:21wow yeah
14:22I wasn't expecting that answer
14:24but sure
14:25I can do boundaries
14:27thank you
14:28thank you
14:30I'll see you around
14:31thank you
14:38normally our teachers do wear a blazer
14:41though you look amazing in anything
14:43so I'll take it
14:45I mean I just figured I'd throw a lab coat over it
14:48and
14:48oh lab coat
14:50you're teaching English
14:51did I not mention that
14:52sorry my cat attacked this kid in our building
14:55and it's become this whole thing
14:56and
14:57okay but I can't teach English
14:59I majored in bio camp
15:01the last book I read was Lemony Snicket
15:02Kel you love theater
15:04plays are just lazy books
15:06they're studying Jane Austen
15:08you know where to find me if you need anything
15:10Kate
15:10hold on Kate
15:14here we go
15:20hello young minds
15:22I am your new English teacher
15:24Kel Washington
15:25you guys can call me Mr. Washington
15:27we don't do that here
15:28we'll be calling you Kel
15:30oh great very casual
15:32what my roommates call me
15:33I like it
15:35okay
15:35um
15:36today
15:37I am very excited to dive into
15:40Pride and Prejudice
15:42by
15:43Jane Austen
15:44it is a book I really love
15:46and know a lot about
15:48so
15:48Kel
15:49what's your deal
15:50my deal
15:51before you try to lie
15:52we looked you up
15:53we know you were in med school two seconds ago
15:55what happened
15:57did you get expelled
15:58I was not expelled
15:59no I
16:00I
16:01wanted a career change
16:02so I took destiny into my own hands
16:05kind of like Elizabeth Bennett
16:08who's that
16:08is she another student
16:10she's the protagonist of the book
16:11you quote love
16:12and know a lot about
16:15right
16:16of course
16:17uh
16:17yeah
16:18um
16:19well she seems like a real cool lady
16:21Jesus Kel
16:22tuition here
16:23costs more than most colleges
16:25yeah
16:25Angela Merkel spoke at our graduation
16:27and we booed her off the stage
16:29for being boring
16:30so
16:30pray tell
16:31what business do you have teaching here
16:34okay look
16:35I assumed I was going to be teaching biology
16:38but here we are
16:39and it's going to be great
16:40how about we start with chapter one out loud
16:43and everyone picks a fun voice
16:53stop
16:53oh my god you're so funny
16:56okay
16:57see you soon
16:58bye
17:00guess what
17:01my ex still works at Allison
17:02it was a very unhealthy relationship
17:05for him
17:06anyway
17:06he's agreed to
17:07give me the inside scoop
17:08on their numbers
17:09so we can land this deal
17:11huge
17:11you go
17:12me and private Pascarelli
17:13will tag team the models in the deck
17:15no
17:15I'll do the models and charts myself
17:17Davis can format the deck
17:23look
17:24I applaud the ambition
17:26but
17:26I'm the second year
17:27and when I was a first year
17:29my second year held my hand through everything
17:31Kwaku and I were two brains
17:32beating as one
17:33Davis
17:34no offense
17:35but I've spent the past three summers
17:37modeling of fidelity
17:38don't worry
17:45it's an urban oasis
17:47with picturesque views
17:49of a historically significant Duncan's
17:51what the hell
17:53I'm sorry
17:54are you lost little girl
17:55I can't believe you're showing the apartment already
17:57I have to use my bathroom
17:58it's Rebecca and Zeb's bathroom
18:00pending a credit check
18:06it's haunted
18:08I can't believe you dropped out of medical school to act
18:12but since it allowed you to be home during my moment of crisis
18:16I fully support it
18:18thank you
18:19of course
18:19anytime
18:20seriously
18:21I mean
18:21me banyo
18:22as sue banyo
18:23okay bye
18:25sorry
18:26are you watching Pride and Prejudice?
18:28did you put that on to make me think you were sensitive?
18:30Cal!
18:30no no
18:31no I just got a job teaching English at a girls school to make money
18:34and if I don't catch up fast they will destroy me
18:37oh
18:40were they bullying you?
18:41correcting you on the material?
18:42yeah
18:43a lot
18:43did they ask a lot of personal questions with an air of judgment?
18:47yes
18:47how did you know?
18:48because I was just like these girls
18:49an overachieving little asshole
18:51who projected the impossibly high expectations of my parents onto my teachers
18:55okay
18:56then help me out
18:56don't just eat my Swedish fish
18:57your only chance of survival is to be so prepared you make them feel stupid
19:02I am preparing
19:03I'm watching the movie
19:04that's not nearly enough
19:05if they've read the book you need to read three
19:07treat it like you're preparing for medical school
19:09can't I just tell them that I'll fail them if they don't do what I say?
19:12wait
19:13what's this?
19:14Antoine puts on these sad dance showcases that nobody goes to
19:18hmm
19:21can I keep this?
19:22yeah
19:26I'm keeping these too
19:28sure
19:37I know I set a boundary
19:39and I do mean it
19:40but I need a favor
19:41I'll say goodbye
19:42to all my sorrow
19:44and by tomorrow
19:46I'll be on my way
19:52I guess the Lord must be
19:55in New York City
20:01the charts in this deck are fucked up
20:03did Davis format the deck run?
20:05how dare you?
20:06but did I?
20:07no
20:07the charts are wrong because AJ's models are wrong
20:09no no
20:10that's impossible
20:10I triple checked everything
20:11then why doesn't the book reflect the new numbers I got from my ex?
20:14I had to agree to go to his dad's 70th birthday for those
20:16oh my god
20:17I was so locked in
20:18I missed your email and didn't update the models
20:20I totally fucked up
20:22I'm gonna get fired
20:22Bill and Turtle Face will be here in 90 minutes
20:25I'm so sorry
20:27it's fine
20:28we can adjust the models
20:29the problem is
20:29reprinting the book
20:30internal is slammed
20:31we have to go off site
20:32Gramercy or Delancey
20:33Gramercy's closer
20:33yeah but I know Ron and Delancey
20:35he'll open up early for me
20:36again
20:36I am so sorry
20:37stop apologizing
20:39only apologize if we can't fix this
20:40now go
20:48I'll call ahead
20:49damn Jane Austen
20:51yeah you can write
21:09nasty
21:15hey man
21:16I'm Davis
21:18love your work
21:22I'm from the south
21:23which is like the only place
21:25that still appreciates the importance
21:26of a printed invitation
21:27it's like
21:29when did faster
21:31start to mean better
21:32you know what
21:33thank you for saying that
21:35hey I feel like a tool
21:36just chatting while you're doing all the work
21:38you mind if I box
21:39while you bind
21:40knock yourself out buddy
21:41great
21:41thanks
21:42of course
21:52you had Austin Blanchett tweet about my show
21:56yes
21:57unless that's bad
21:59it sold out
22:00I've never been more excited in my life
22:03I just thought you deserved the hype
22:04I do
22:05I do deserve the hype
22:07I can't wait to tell my cousin Mahershal
22:09he's not the only talented one in the family
22:12oh
22:16so
22:18can we stay
22:21yes you can stay
22:22yes
22:23but someone comparably famous
22:24has to tweet about my showcase once a year
22:27you have a deal
22:28you have a deal
22:30those posters better be held up with tape
22:34oh
22:41shit
22:42there are no cabs
22:43and the closest Uber is 20 minutes away
22:46we have to push back the meeting
22:48no no look
22:50wait wait wait wait wait wait
22:51sir
22:51I will give you a hundred bucks for that bike
22:54yes
22:56all right come on hop on
22:57uh where
22:58the handlebar
22:59et style
23:01AJ let's go
23:10hello everyone
23:11just to refresh
23:13I'm Mr. Washington
23:15you're actually showing your face again
23:17I'm Mr. Ferrars of you Kel
23:18ah Mr. Ferrars from Sense and Sensibility
23:21Jane Austen's first novel
23:23yeah
23:24Mr. Washington did his reading
23:26and then some last night
23:28Kel
23:29are we supposed to be impressed you did your job
23:31come on guys
23:32we're going to Blue Mercury
23:33oh that's too bad
23:34I was just gonna ask if Charlotte Bronte was right
23:38when she said Jane's writing lacked passion
23:41Charlotte was just jealous that Jane's the queen of Victorian literature and not her
23:45and I ask why the need to crown a queen
23:48no one pits Charles Dickens against Victor Hugo
23:51because the patriarchy insists on pitting successful women against each other
23:56even when they're born 40 years apart
23:58let's see what Jane has to say about that
24:00she's dead as hell Kel
24:01right but they published a collection of her letters
24:04I was just gonna see if there was maybe a real life Mr. Darcy
24:10Mr. Darcy was real
24:11maybe Marina
24:14but you guys have fun at Blue Mercury
24:16and the rest of us
24:17will find out
24:21maybe we can go to Blue Mercury later
24:25fine
24:27continue
24:28Kel
24:28Mr. Washington
24:30Mr. W
24:32I'll take it
24:35oh god
24:36you guys drink that shit
24:39it's like old lake water
24:42David go faster
24:43I'm going as fast as I can
24:45I'm just wearing a lantern blind
24:47we're on our way
24:49hurry up they're putting up the pastries
24:51David they're putting up the pastries
24:53oh my god
24:57fucking New York
24:58oh
25:0025 miles from homegirl
25:03book five minutes out
25:05stall
25:07Roland
25:08did you know our offices have one of the finest private art collections in New York
25:13including an Edward Hopper
25:15oh I love Edward Hopper
25:17shall we
25:19we have an art collection?
25:20yes it's spectacular
25:22oh
25:23thank God
25:23go go go go go go
25:24I got to
25:28hold on
25:30hold on
25:31i
25:32i
25:33i
25:33i am so tired
25:36but i just
25:37cant
25:37lose my strength
25:47come on b
25:48don't fail me now
25:52We're right here Roland, as is the rest of our C&R team.
25:55Oh, hello.
26:22Oh my god, what are the chances?
26:26I love this bar.
26:28We must have office mind meld.
26:30Can I join?
26:31It's kind of tight.
26:32No, this is great.
26:34Ah, this fits.
26:37Excuse me.
26:40So, what's everyone drinking?
26:42I ordered a light beer, because sometimes they put an orange in it.
26:53So, Warren, tell me about yourself.
26:55All I know is you're wearing a Rutgers sweatshirt and eating celery.
26:59Well, I went to Rutgers, hence the...
27:02And my wife and I recently lost 150 pounds on Ozempic.
27:06What? That's incredible.
27:07Unfortunately, only two of those pounds were mine.
27:11So, my wife left me and is now teaching spin classes on a cruise ship.
27:15But I'm happy for her.
27:16I'm so sorry, but my girlfriend just dumped me too.
27:20So, any night you want to prowl, I'm there.
27:23Really?
27:24Thanks.
27:25Uh, how about you?
27:26John, do I see that how main bracelet?
27:28Kids?
27:29Or are you just young at heart?
27:31Well, both, actually.
27:33I was just telling Warren that my daughter's birthday is next week.
27:36She's turning ten, and we have no idea what to do for her birthday party.
27:40What about those natural history museum superpowers?
27:44I did that for my tenth and I crushed.
27:45I'm sure, but the wait lists for those are endless.
27:48You know what?
27:49My mom's on the board of the Natural History Museum.
27:52I'll talk to her. We can make this happen.
27:54Oh my god, that would be great.
27:56Yeah, you're still here.
27:58Ah, sorry.
27:58We were just getting to know each other and maybe falling in love?
28:02You guys feeling that too?
28:03Yeah.
28:04How about you?
28:05Elena, what's your deal?
28:06I grew up in Queens, went to Stuyvesant.
28:09I got into Northwestern, but it was too expensive, so I went to Hunter.
28:13Is that good?
28:16Yup.
28:18Should I share more stuff about me?
28:20I learned how to juggle last year, which was exciting.
28:30Okay.
28:31Hold the door!
28:35Hey.
28:43Congrats, I heard you're not getting kicked out anymore.
28:47I'm such an idiot!
28:49Hey.
28:50Is this okay?
28:52Maybe I don't know what's going on.
28:55I suck at my job.
28:56I almost ruined this whole pitch, and the worst part is my coworkers fixed it and they didn't even rub
29:02it in my face.
29:02I would have been such a bitch.
29:05Yeah, I could say that.
29:06I should move back to Boston and work at a European wax center.
29:10Hey, I could be wrong, but I think people helping each other at work is actually what work is supposed
29:15to be like.
29:17I guess that's true.
29:18I wish I had that.
29:20There was this one girl, and my job cannot stand me.
29:24I can't charm her at all.
29:26Oh, maybe don't try to charm her.
29:28Charm is a red flag to girls.
29:29You know who was charming?
29:31Ted Bundy.
29:32I'm like Ted Bundy?
29:33Basically.
29:34Why don't you take your own advice and try to be helpful?
29:39That was good advice.
29:45Hey, I need to get Davis something to say thank you.
29:48What is he like?
29:49Whiskey?
29:50One of those shirts you're not supposed to tuck in?
29:52Honestly, what Davis likes the most is spending time with his friends.
29:56Oh my god, this fucking guy.
29:58I know.
30:01Well, uh, goodnight.
30:04Sorry.
30:05I'll move the likes.
30:09Hey.
30:12I, uh, need to tell you something.
30:14You are right.
30:15We actually do know each other.
30:18Sophomore year, Penn Model UN Conference, we hooked up.
30:24Wait, what?
30:25Yeah, I had a long hair back then.
30:28Oh my god.
30:30Yeah, you ghosted me.
30:32Which sucked, but it was a long time ago.
30:35Don't worry about it.
30:36Anyway.
30:37Goodnight.
30:52Hey.
30:54Hi.
30:56Sorry, are you in the middle of something?
30:58No, I was just finishing my yoga practice.
31:02Why are you here?
31:04At the theater, you said you were too famous to go and get a pizza.
31:10Now I'm panicking that you don't remember.
31:11No, I remember.
31:12I remember things.
31:14Well, I just wanted to say thank you for tweeting about my landlord's dance thing.
31:19I mean, I've never had less likes, but I'm glad he's happy.
31:24Look, I know I said I couldn't go out with you.
31:28But maybe we could be friends.
31:30I mean, I've never really had a female friend before.
31:33But that's cool.
31:35Wait, you're not just going to ask me for money and SNL tickets, are you?
31:38Definitely not.
31:39Unless Dua Lipa's the musical guest, then yes.
31:42Great.
31:43Well, ground rules established, friend.
31:46Goodnight.
31:48Goodnight.
32:20Thank you for everything today.
32:23Can't I make you dinner to say thanks?
32:27Hell yes!
32:30Yes!
32:32As long as I gaze on Waterloo Sunset, I'm in paradise.
32:43Every day I look at the world, my mind will go.
32:52Chilly, chilly is the evening sun.
32:55New person.
32:57My office.
33:02So, did Roland like our pitch?
33:06I know.
33:07Excuse me?
33:08I know how I know you.
33:11You called me an asshole and cost me $500.
33:14Oh my God.
33:15I am so sorry about that.
33:17I had just been for a run.
33:19I think my blood sugar was off.
33:21I will see an endocrinologist.
33:22Stop.
33:24Don't ever lie to me again.
33:25I will always find out.
33:29Go.
33:40Okay, mami.
33:41Tengo que ir.
33:42Voy a guardar las sodas.
33:45It takes two to love, but only one to leave.
33:49It was you who did that dirty deed.
33:55It's a brighter day than ever before.
33:59I got a new life and I'm feeling right on.
34:04My head is high and my spirit is strong.
34:17I got better things to do.
34:21Better things to do.
34:24Better things to do than remember you.
34:28I got better things to do.
34:31Better things to do.
34:33Better things to do than remember you.
34:38Ah.
34:41Yeah, yeah, yeah.
34:44Mm-mm.
34:49It's a brighter day than ever before.
34:54Cause I don't think about you no more.
34:59I got a new life and I'm feeling right on.
35:04My head is high and my spirit is strong.
35:08Go to bed.
35:09My head is high and I will go.
35:09Okay, good.
35:09The normal life and we're not good.
35:09We need to take off of my life.
35:10We'll be here with you now.
35:11Bye.
35:12Bye.
35:13Bye.
35:13Bye.
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