- 4 hours ago
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00:25I'll be right back.
00:44¶¶
01:02Well, Tony can play, what?
01:04Absolutely. Did that girl in the blue hat remind you of someone?
01:07Er, no.
01:09Oh, no, of course not. You haven't met her. So it wouldn't.
01:12Met who?
01:13Well, this girl I'm talking about.
01:15No.
01:15She was a wonderful girl.
01:17How's Angela?
01:18Don't talk to me about Angela.
01:21Oh, right.
01:23So, what do you think the fellow with the gammy leg from the war is going to do in Act
01:26Two?
01:26Your cousin Angela is an A1 scourge, if you must know.
01:31Oh, come, come, Tony.
01:33This is my favourite cousin you're talking about.
01:35You know she's given me the push.
01:37No.
01:38She has.
01:39Simply because I was man enough to speak out candidly on the subject of a...
01:43...ghastly hat she was chump enough to buy.
01:45Huh.
01:47What do you mean, pho?
01:49Well, all I said was it made her look like a raccoon peering out from underneath a flowerpot.
01:53Which it did.
01:54Yes, well, they're not awfully keen on fearless honesty, I find...
01:57Well, your cousin Angela certainly isn't.
02:00Not about hats, anyway.
02:02Anyway.
02:03I have been down at Bleaching Court for the last week.
02:06You know, trying to forget.
02:08It's original Dalglish's place.
02:10I'm going to be staying there this weekend.
02:11Yes, I know.
02:12You'll be able to meet, er...
02:15Yes, well, never mind.
02:17Meet? Meet who?
02:18Cheers.
02:29Dash it, James.
02:30I wish you'd at least put it on another table for a change.
02:33So?
02:34I mean, every day, the same old time, you come in with the same old tray and put it on
02:37the same old table.
02:39Just fed up with the monotony.
02:41The bally-ballyness of it all makes it all seem so bally-bally.
02:47Would you like me to put it on another table, sir?
02:49No, no, no, no, Jeeves.
02:50No, I'm not blaming you.
02:51No, it's just...
02:52Oh, by Jove, I mean to say, I've been...
02:54I've been thinking pretty deeply these last few days, Jeeves, and, er...
02:58Well, I've come to the conclusion that mine is an empty life, Jeeves.
03:02I'm lonely.
03:03You have a great many friends, sir.
03:06Yes, I know, but...
03:08You know that play?
03:09Oh, what was his dash name?
03:11The one I saw last night.
03:13No, sir.
03:13Er, it's not what you call it.
03:15Anyway, the hero's a chap who's buzzing along through life, you know, quite merry and bright,
03:19er, apart from his gammy leg from the war,
03:21and all of a sudden this kid turns up and, er, says that she's his daughter,
03:25er, left over from Act One.
03:27Er, he's absolutely the first he's ever heard of it.
03:29Er, so, obviously, there's a bit of a fuss, and, er, they say to him, what ho, and he says,
03:35what ho,
03:36and, er, anyway, he takes the kid and they go off together out into the world.
03:41Well, very inspiring, sir.
03:43Yes, well, well, I thought so, yes.
03:46Well, what I'm driving at, Jeeves, is that, you know, I, I envied that chappy.
03:50You know, having a jolly little girl clinging to him trustingly and whatnot.
03:53Someone to look after, if you know what I mean.
03:55Um, yeah, I wish I had a daughter.
03:59I wonder what the procedure is.
04:01Marriage is, I believe, sir, the preliminary step
04:04for those willing to undergo its rigors.
04:07Yeah, yes, I suppose so.
04:10Ah, well.
04:12PHONE RINGS
04:24Telegram for you, isn't it?
04:26Oh.
04:40Rummy communication, this, Jeeves, from Mr Glossop.
04:43Indeed, sir.
04:44When you come down, bring my rugger boots.
04:46Also, Irish water spaniel.
04:48Urgent. Regards, tuppy.
04:51You know, I'm worried about Mr Glossop, Jeeves.
04:53From the way he was talking last night,
04:54I got the distinct impression that he's gone and got himself involved
04:57with that, uh, dull Gleesh girl down in Bleaching.
04:59Indeed, sir.
05:00Yes, apparently he's had some sort of bust-up with my cousin Angela.
05:03But I mean to say, Jeeves,
05:04if a girl can't, in the course of ordinary, everyday conversation,
05:07tell a chap to go and boil his head
05:08without said chap turning to the arms of another,
05:11well, I mean, where are we, Jeeves?
05:12Where indeed, sir?
05:14Oh, I think we owe it to my cousin Angela
05:16to prise tuppy apart from this interloper.
05:20Very good, sir.
05:21Allo, Jeeves.
05:22Les gants de monsieur, le chapeau de monsieur.
05:25Les gants de monsieur.
05:27I tell you what, Jeeves.
05:29Yes, sir.
05:29In Ray, our recent discussion of children, pattering feet and so forth,
05:32I could always marry Bobby Wickham.
05:34It started that way.
05:36Oh, now, Jeeves, I know we had an unfortunate experience
05:38the last time I was going to propose to her,
05:39but, uh, she's a good egg, Jeeves, you can't deny that.
05:42Well, sir.
05:42She's playing at the, uh,
05:44the South Hearts Ladies Tennis Championship today.
05:46Book us a couple of rooms at the local caravans for I.
05:48We'll pop in and see her on the way down to Bleaching.
05:49Very good, sir.
05:51Jeeves.
05:52Yes, sir?
05:53There is a tone that comes into your voice whenever I mention Miss Wickham.
05:56If I didn't know you better, I'd almost call it a sigh.
05:58Oh, no, sir.
05:59I'll try and eradicate it, Jeeves.
06:01Very good, sir.
06:02Miss Wickham is an absolute corker,
06:03and as such, is a worthy mother to my children.
06:05She may have her faults,
06:06but she's absolutely chock-full to the brim
06:08with fizz and ginger.
06:10Precisely, sir.
06:11Ah, ah, ah, ah, Jeeves.
06:13Very good, sir.
06:15Bertie!
06:17Bingo!
06:17I was just on my way to find you, Bertie.
06:19I wanted to ask you a question.
06:21Ask away, Bingo.
06:22Do you like the name Mabel?
06:25No.
06:26Oh.
06:27You don't think it has a certain music in it,
06:29like the wind rustling gently through the treetops?
06:32Uh, no.
06:33Oh.
06:34Oh, well, you wouldn't, of course.
06:36You always wear a fathead without any soul, weren't you?
06:38Come on.
06:38I'll take you to have lunch with her.
06:50I'm sure this is the right place, Bingo.
06:51Sit down, Bertie.
06:57I'll, I'll be going to wait for, um...
06:59Hello, Mabel.
07:00Hello.
07:01This is Bertie Worcester, a pal of mine.
07:03Pleased to meet you.
07:05Oh, hello, Mabel.
07:06You see, I'm wearing the tie.
07:09Suits you beautiful.
07:11What's it going to be today, then?
07:13I'll have my usual.
07:15Coco, feelin' empire,
07:17slice of fruitcake in a macaroon.
07:19You remember.
07:21Same for you, sir.
07:23No, no, no.
07:23I'll just have a roll of butter and a cup of coffee.
07:27Right.
07:32Well?
07:34Very nice.
07:35You don't think she's the most beautiful girl you ever saw?
07:38Absolutely.
07:41So what I thought was, Bertie, if you don't object,
07:43I'd like to put my problem to Jeeves.
07:46What problem?
07:47Uncle Mortimer, of course, you poor fish.
07:49What do you think he's going to say to my marrying Mabel?
07:52Oh, you're going to get married, are you?
07:54Of course we're going to get married.
07:56Oh, that's a coincidence.
07:57Because I've decided I'm going to marry Bobby Wickham.
07:59Oh, never mind that.
08:01He'll tie himself in knots on the hearth, right?
08:04Yeah.
08:04One of these emotional Johnnies, is he?
08:06I'm pretty well dependent on the old boy.
08:08If he cuts off my allowance, I shall be very much in the suit.
08:10Well, somehow or other, his mind has got to be prepared to receive the news.
08:14But how?
08:15Oh.
08:18Well, that's a fat lot of help.
08:24Well, sir, have you sorted out, Bingo?
08:32Good heavens, Jeeves.
08:34Is that an Irish water spaniel?
08:35No, sir.
08:36No such animal was available at short notice.
08:39I thought an Irish wolfhound would make an acceptable approximation.
08:43I don't know, Jeeves.
08:44Toppy was pretty specific in his telegram.
08:46What about the ruggaboos?
08:47I collected them from his housekeeper, sir.
08:50Good, good.
08:51Well, Bingo's got a bit of a problem, Jeeves.
08:54Delicate subject, Jeeves, as a matter of fact.
08:57Very good, sir.
09:01Jeeves?
09:04What on earth's the matter, Jeeves?
09:07Jeeves?
09:08I apologise, sir.
09:09It was unforgivable of me.
09:11I shall be better directly.
09:13It's just Mr. Little's tie, sir.
09:17It has little horseshoes on it.
09:20Oh, yes, yes, I noticed that.
09:22It's sometimes difficult just to shrug these things off, sir.
09:27However, what was it, sir, that Mr. Little needed advice on?
09:31It's about his uncle.
09:32Would that be Lord Bittlesham, who lives in Pounceby Gardens, sir?
09:36How do you know he lives in Pounceby Gardens?
09:39I'm on terms of some intimacy with Lord Bittlesham's cook, sir.
09:43In fact, there is an understanding.
09:46Do you mean you're engaged?
09:47It might be said to amount to that, sir, yes.
09:50Well, well, well.
09:52She is an excellent cook, sir.
09:56Sir?
09:57My uncle Mortimer is quite likely to cut off my allowance.
10:00So, you see, penury is staring me in the face, Jeeves.
10:03One thing does occur, sir.
10:05I was speaking to Lord Bittlesham's valet only the other day,
10:08and he was telling me that it has become his principal duty
10:11to read to Lord Bittlesham in the evenings.
10:14If I were you, sir, I would volunteer to take over that particular task.
10:19Ah, old man moved by nephew's kindly action, you mean?
10:23Partly that, sir.
10:25I was relying, however, more on Mr. Little's choice of literature.
10:28If you were to read to your uncle, day by day,
10:31a series of narratives in which marriage of young persons of inferior social status
10:36is held up to be both admirable and feasible,
10:38then I fancy it might prepare Lord Bittlesham's mind for the news
10:42that his nephew wishes to marry a waitress in a tea shop.
10:46Uh, well, are there any books like that nowadays?
10:48Oh, a great many, sir.
10:49Have you never encountered The Courtship of Lord Strathmorelick by Rosie M. Banks?
10:54Nope.
10:55Nor Only a Factory Girl by the same author?
10:59Never.
11:01My aunt owns almost a complete set of Rosie M. Banks, sir.
11:05I could easily borrow as many volumes as you might require.
11:08They make light, attractive reading.
11:11All right, then, Jeeves.
11:12You toddle off to your aunts and grab a couple of the fruitiest.
11:14May as well give it a dash, eh?
11:16What do you say, Bingo?
11:17Oh, anything.
11:17Anything, Bertie.
11:18I'll start straight away.
11:28All right, take the luggage round to the hotel, Jeeves,
11:31and I'll see you later.
11:31Very good, sir.
11:32And, uh, wish me luck with Miss Wycombe, Jeeves.
11:34I do, sir.
11:35I do.
11:36Most happily.
11:45Ah!
11:47What, oh, Bobby?
11:47Where on earth have you been, Bertie?
11:49My match starts in five minutes.
11:52This is my cousin, Clementino.
11:54You're to look after her till I've finished.
11:56Wish me luck.
12:00Oh, Clementino.
12:01Was that your car that you came in?
12:03With the dog?
12:04Yes.
12:05My father's got a bench here.
12:08Really?
12:09Oh, well.
12:10Oh, may as well.
12:10And Clover, and what's the match, eh?
12:12They've got strawberries in the tea tent.
12:16Um, excuse me.
12:17Excuse me.
12:18Excuse me.
12:19Oh, it's straw.
12:20Mm.
12:32Right, now, you'd better hurry up and eat those or miss the match.
12:34Oh, you didn't get any lemonade.
12:40Oh, you didn't get any lemonade.
12:47Happy lemonade!
12:48Happy lemonade!
13:01Did they have any ice cream?
13:03No.
13:05I saw a boy eating one.
13:11Excuse me.
13:12Sorry.
13:17Game to Miss Wickham.
13:19Miss Wickham leads four games to three.
13:30Excuse me.
13:31I'm so sorry.
13:32Sorry.
13:32Here we go.
13:38Oh!
13:41Game set and match to Miss Wickham.
13:56Terrific, wasn't it?
13:57You were wonderful.
13:58We are awfully good of you to rally round, Bertie.
14:01Well, you're not going.
14:02I promised to take Clementina to tea.
14:05Oh, yes, yes.
14:06I expect you'll need some nourishment, yes.
14:08Bye-bye.
14:09But, Bobby, there was something I wanted to say to you.
14:14You can give me dinner at the Mariners, if you like.
14:17Bye.
14:18This may well be it, Jeeves.
14:20It, sir?
14:21Pitching the wool, Jeeves.
14:22Not to rule out popping the question.
14:24The lights will be low, the wine will be flowing.
14:27I'm sure I wish you every good fortune, sir.
14:30I only hope that the dog will not impede your endeavours.
14:34Patrick?
14:34Patrick will be warmly ensconced in your room, Jeeves.
14:37It is, if you recall, sir, my evening off.
14:40I had promised myself a quiet evening with an improving book.
14:44Can't you spend an evening with an improving dog?
14:47He will pine for you, sir.
14:49He pined most pathetically this afternoon.
14:52He becomes excitable when he pines.
14:58Well, come along, Patrick.
15:06Oh, come on, Bobby.
15:08She's forgotten, Patrick.
15:09I know it.
15:14Hello, Mr. Worcester.
15:18Are we late?
15:20No, no.
15:23Uh...
15:24Uh, this is Patrick.
15:25Clementina loves animals.
15:27Of course, she's not allowed to have them at school.
15:29What can you expect of a dump like St. Monica's?
15:31No, no.
15:32He's sweet.
15:35Uh, Bobby, I, um...
15:37I wanted to ask you something.
15:42We shouldn't let the waiters tease the dog like that.
15:45No, no, I suppose not.
15:48Uh, Bobby, there comes a time in a man's life...
15:51Are we going to have ice cream?
15:56And a double nineteen to finish, I think.
16:02Thank you, gentlemen.
16:04Most enjoyable.
16:05Wherever did you learn to play like that, Mr. Jeans?
16:08One picks these things up as one passes through life, my dear.
16:12That was lovely, Bertie.
16:14Oh, well, I'm glad you enjoyed it, Bobby, because, uh...
16:18Well, what I mean to say is...
16:19Do you think Patrick would be sick if we gave him some ice cream?
16:22Yes.
16:23Uh, Bobby, we've known each other a long time.
16:27And...
16:27Excuse me, Miss Wickham.
16:28Your car is here.
16:30Oh.
16:31Oh, no.
16:32Look at the time.
16:34Car?
16:34I'll just catch the 9.45 if I hurry.
16:38I absolutely promised to go to a party tonight in London.
16:41A party?
16:42But...
16:42Oh, Bertie, could you do me a terrific favour?
16:45Well, yes, all right.
16:47Take Clementina back to school for me, will you?
16:50School?
17:04Oh, bless you, Bertie.
17:05You're an angel in human form.
17:07Well...
17:08Oh, there is one thing.
17:09One thing?
17:10Clementine's meant to be in bed.
17:13Oh, you didn't come out without leave.
17:15Oh, now, look, Bobby.
17:16Oh, you must learn not to fuss so, Bertie.
17:19Oh, I must, must I?
17:21It's perfectly simple.
17:22First, you need a good long piece of string.
17:25You know what string is, don't you?
17:27Certainly, as in string.
17:28Good.
17:29You take the string with you.
17:30And when you get to the garden,
17:31Clem will show you where you find the flowerpots.
17:33Grab one of those and then go to the conservatory.
17:35Beside the conservatory, there's a tree.
17:37Climb this tree and...
17:39Hold on a minute.
17:40I really don't have time for you to keep on interrupting, Bertie.
17:43Climb the tree,
17:44tie the string onto the flowerpot,
17:46climb down the tree,
17:47holding onto the string,
17:48retire to a safe distance,
17:49and then let go.
17:50The flowerpot drops and smashes the glass.
17:52While someone comes out to investigate,
17:54Clem sneaks in and goes up to bed.
17:56All right?
17:57Tree,
17:59flowerpot,
17:59conservatory,
18:00string.
18:04Ah, Jeeves.
18:06So,
18:07what happened to the quiet evening with an improving book?
18:09I felt the need for a change of air, sir.
18:12Ah, well, Jeeves,
18:13now you'll no doubt be surprised to learn
18:15that something in the nature of a hitch has occurred.
18:18Did your proposal meet with a sympathetic ear, sir?
18:21No, it did not, Jeeves.
18:22As a matter of fact, it didn't meet with any ear at all.
18:34Right, now, as it's your night off, Jeeves,
18:36your part of the proceedings is simplicity itself.
18:38You just have to sit here and look after Patrick.
18:40Very good, sir.
18:41Um,
18:42a thought has just occurred to me, sir.
18:44This is no time for thought, Jeeves.
18:45Come along, come and see now.
18:57The conservatory's over there.
18:59And that's where the flowerpots are.
19:02Right, well, uh,
19:04goodbye, Clementina.
19:05Good luck.
19:06Thank you, yes.
19:08Ahem.
19:28Good luck.
19:34Mm-hmm.
19:45Ahem.
19:55Oh!
19:56Oh!
19:56Oh!
19:57Oh!
20:00Here, you. Come back here, you.
20:02Right.
20:20All right, all right. Come down out of there, you.
20:29Come back here, you.
20:37Barbara tossed her auburn curls rebelliously, her dark eyes flashed.
20:43Her father might be only a mill hand, but she had the pride of the Ormskirks,
20:48that same pride that had prompted her grandfather Old Stanley Ormskirk to stand firm,
20:53when threatened with eviction from his humble cottage by Lord Granchester for refusing to doff his camp.
21:02Get the mistress to see the prisoner, Constable.
21:05Oh, pretty good, Sarge.
21:08I am so sorry, Mr Worcester. This is a disgrace.
21:13Oh, right.
21:14I shall be eternally grateful for the trouble you have taken.
21:19You know.
21:20You have behaved with great courage.
21:23You identify this man, Miss Mapleton?
21:25Identify him? Of course I identify him.
21:29You are an imbecile, officer.
21:31You have bungled this whole affair by mistaking Mr Worcester for a burglar.
21:36He was up a tree, ma'am.
21:38Of course he was up a tree.
21:42No doubt you had climbed the tree in order to watch the better, Mr Worcester.
21:50Ah, yes. Yes, that's right, absolutely. To watch the better. Got it in one.
21:54The officer is a fool, Mr Worcester.
21:57By this time, no doubt, thanks to his idiocy,
22:01the miscreants you spotted have made good their escape.
22:05Probably.
22:06Release Mr Worcester at once, Sergeant.
22:08Release this man, Constable.
22:16Perhaps I should drive Miss Stapleton to the school zone.
22:19Ah, well, yes, of course.
22:21No, no, I intend to walk.
22:23Perhaps I shall catch sight of those desperados as I go.
22:27Good night, Mr Worcester.
22:29Good night.
22:29Mr Jeeves, I look forward to seeing you tomorrow.
22:35Thank you very much, ma'am.
22:37Now, Jeeves, perhaps you'll be good enough to explain to me what on earth has been going on.
22:41It occurred to me, sir, that the most judicious course of action was simply for me to ring the doorbell
22:46and request an interview with Miss Mapleton.
22:49And while the maid had gone to inform her mistress to introduce Miss Clementina into the house unobserved.
22:54And you told the old dragon that I was on my way to call them home.
22:57It was now out in the garden, chipping burglars with my bare hands.
23:00Precisely, sir.
23:01Oh, Jeeves, I should have been guided by you from the first.
23:04It might have spared some temporary unpleasantness, sir.
23:08Talking of which, Jeeves, you know, I've been thinking about adoption.
23:14Adoption, sir?
23:15Yes, I mean, adopting a kid.
23:17You can adopt them, you know, and it saves all this marriage malarkey.
23:20But what I want to know is how to start about it.
23:23The process, I imagine, is highly complicated and laborious, sir.
23:27It would cut into your spare time.
23:30It wouldn't cut into it half as much as marrying Miss Wickham.
23:32Oh, by the way, Jeeves, what did Miss Mapleton mean about seeing us tomorrow?
23:36In order to lend verisimilitude to my story, sir,
23:40I informed her that you were a renowned orator, sir, currently on a tour of the home counties.
23:46Good Lord, Jeeves.
23:48Upon learning this, Miss Mapleton was most anxious for you
23:52to address the girls of the school.
23:54I didn't like to disappoint her.
23:57What?
23:59I hope I did the right thing, sir.
24:07Girls, I have a treat in store for you this morning.
24:10One of our great public speakers has taken time from his busy schedule
24:15to address you with a few words of wisdom.
24:19Mr. Bertram Worcester.
24:24Many greetings to you, many greetings to you, many greetings Mr. Bertram darling,
24:33many greetings to you.
24:40Oh, um, well, um, well, ladies, Gareth, um, good morning, uh, that is to say, what I
25:05know.
25:06Uh, well, uh, perhaps, uh, Mr. Worcester will, uh, give you a few words of advice which may
25:15be helpful to you in afterlife, uh, right, yes, uh, well, um, uh, yes, oh, now, uh, here's
25:25something that's, uh, that's often done me a bit of good, uh, and it's something that
25:29not many people know.
25:37Uh, yes, well, anyway, um, my Uncle Henry, uh, gave me the tip when I, when I first came
25:42to London, uh, never forget, my boy, he said, that, uh, that if you stand outside Romano's
25:48in the Strand, uh, you can see the clock on the wall of the law courts down in Fleet Street.
25:52Now, most people who don't know this wouldn't think it was possible because there are a couple
25:55of hefty-looking churches in the middle of the road, and, uh, you'd think they'd get in
25:58the way, but they don't.
25:59You can.
26:00And, uh, it's, well, it's, it's worth knowing.
26:02Uh, you can win a lot of money, he used to say, uh, by betting on it with fellows who,
26:06who, who haven't found it out.
26:08Uh-huh.
26:10And, uh, by Jove, he was absolutely right.
26:12Um, it, it really is a thing to remember.
26:15Um, yes, many's the, many's the quid I won.
26:18Uh, perhaps, Mr. Worcester, a little story might be in order, some anecdote to illustrate
26:25the benefits of hard work, study, and healthy living.
26:29A story, right.
26:32Ooh, um, if I can remember stories.
26:36Uh, oh, yes, here, here, here's, here's one I heard recently.
26:38Um, it, uh, it, it seems that there was this chorus girl, who should make this step back,
26:44and, uh, he said to her.
26:46Oh, Mr. Worcester, wasn't that splendid, girls?
26:49We will now sing the school song.
26:58Let's go, Jeeves.
27:01Your address was successful, I trust, sir.
27:03Oh, yes, yes, it went like a breeze.
27:05Ah.
27:06Can we get a move on, Jeeves?
27:08The tall, young man smiled crookedly, lifting his oil-grimed hands in helpless apology.
27:16Myrtle's eyes flashed, she tossed her blonde curls.
27:21She was not to know that this figure in stained overalls and with a worn cloth cap set at a
27:27jaunty
27:27ankle atop a head of unruly curls was the 14th Earl Strathmorenick of Strathmorenick.
27:34Lord Highkeeper of Danoom Castle and Laird of 10,000 fertile acres in his nativedom, Finchhire.
27:42I do trust that your experience at St. Monica's has not spoiled your taste for the adoption of young girls,
27:48eh?
27:48Well, I must confess it has given me pause, Jeeves.
27:51Am I wrong in thinking that all little girls are hard-bitten thugs of the worst description?
27:56Your definition is sadly near the truth, sir.
28:00But we must console ourselves with the thought that life without the blessings of children does have its compensation, isn't
28:06it?
28:07No, Jeeves. No, no, no.
28:09I'm too young to give in to such cynicism. I'm an idealist, Jeeves.
28:13Very good, sir.
28:14My sister, Mrs. Scofield, is coming back from India soon.
28:17She's the one with the three little girls.
28:19I refuse to believe that my own kith and kin can be described as hard-bitten thug.
28:24We mustors may have our faults, but hard-bitten thuggery has never been one of them.
28:28Well, sir.
28:29I can give up the flat and take a house for them all to come and live with us.
28:33Indeed, sir.
28:34I can be a proper uncle to them.
28:56You observe the large-ish, corn-fed girl, Jeeves?
28:59Yes, sir.
29:00Typical tuppy fodder.
29:02Even at this distance, one can tell that his ears are distinctly pinkish.
29:13Hello, Bertie.
29:14Hello, tuppy.
29:16This is Miss Dalgleish. How do you do?
29:18Yeah. Mummy and Daddy are in the sitting room, I think, if you want some tea.
29:24What on earth's that?
29:26It's an Irish wolfhound. It's for you.
29:30That's no good to me.
29:33I asked for an Irish water spaniel.
29:35Well, they'd run out.
29:37Oh, really, Bertie?
29:39You coming, Hildebrand?
29:40Yes, yes. I'm just coming, Daisy.
29:48Sinister, Jeeves.
29:49You notice that the subject was looking like a stuffed frog?
29:52There is something renine in Mr. Glossop's aspect, sir, here.
29:56Particularly about the eyes.
29:59Precisely, Jeeves.
29:59I think our fears are justified.
30:01The thing seems serious.
30:05Have Angela at all, tuppy?
30:06No, I have not.
30:08And I have no wish to hear from a little blighter.
30:11Yeah.
30:13Angela's awfully fond of you, you know.
30:15Oh, is she indeed?
30:16Well, she's got a dash-funny way of showing it.
30:18Yes, well, they do have, tuppy.
30:20They don't like us.
30:22In passing, old boy, what did you want with the water spaniel?
30:24I wanted to give it to Daisy.
30:28Look, Bertie.
30:29I might as well tell you.
30:32I'm in love at last.
30:34It's the real thing.
30:35Oh, how different she is, Bertie, from those hothouse artificial London girls.
30:40I mean, would they stand all afternoon in the mud watching a rugger match?
30:44Would they know what to give an Alsatian for fits?
30:47I mean, would they tramp ten miles a day across the fields and come back as fresh as paint?
30:51No.
30:52Why should they?
30:55You wouldn't understand, Bertie.
30:58Anyway, she set her heart on an Irish water spaniel.
31:01It's a dash nuisance you couldn't get one.
31:03Well, give her your rugger boots.
31:05Oh, by the way, what did you want them for?
31:07Look, I happen to be playing in a match tomorrow.
31:10Upper Bleaching versus Hockley come Meston.
31:13Well, Daisy was rather keen that I help Upper Bleaching out.
31:16Yeah.
31:17So you'll be playing for Hockley.
31:22Very funny.
31:23No, it's not like an ordinary rugger match.
31:26In fact, it's not really rugby at all.
31:29Apart from anything else, they play in the middle of summer.
31:31And the two villages absolutely loathe each other.
31:34And the rules are a bit more, well, relaxed.
31:38Started long before rugby was invented.
31:41First game was played in Henry VIII's time, you know.
31:44Lasted from noon till sunset and seven players were killed.
31:49Killed?
31:50And two spectators?
31:51Oh, but it's not like that anymore, Daddy.
31:54Three years since anybody actually died, isn't it?
31:57Yes, I know.
31:58Still, damn good fun, though.
32:00Hildebrand's going to be the hero of the village.
32:09Eileen tossed her dark curls scornfully.
32:12Perhaps she did only work in a cigarette shop.
32:15Perhaps her dress was thin, cheap cotton, and patched and worn, too.
32:21Nevertheless, she had her pride.
32:23The name Ormerod was an old one.
32:26Since time immemorial, there had been Ormerods in Blackchester.
32:29What did she care for the Phazacalys with their fancy ways?
32:44The citizenry of Upper Bleaching seem to look forward to this match each year.
32:48He has a chance to settle old scores with a neighbouring village.
32:52A common enough circumstance in the sporting world, sir?
32:54Yes, so he must act swiftly in order to save Tuppy.
32:57He refuses to do the sensible thing and slide out,
33:00because the girl will be watching the game,
33:02and he says it'll make him feel like a knight of old,
33:04jousting under the eyes of his lady.
33:06It does sound like an acute case, sir.
33:08Yes, so we must employ dial.
33:11You'll go to London first thing in the morning, Jeeves,
33:13and send a telegram, signed Angela, which will read as follows.
33:20What would a girl say, Jeeves, who, having had a row with the bird she was engaged to,
33:24because he said that she looked like a raccoon in her new hat,
33:26wanted to extend the olive branch?
33:29If I might suggest, sir, I fancy the following,
33:32as from Miss Angela's mother might meet the case.
33:35Return immediately, Angela seriously ill and delirious,
33:39calling your name piteously,
33:42and saying something about you being right about the hat.
33:45Catch the earliest possible train, Dalio Travers.
33:50Yes, well done, Jeeves, yes.
33:52Just one more spot of devilish cunning.
33:55Send it off in time for it to arrive at 2.30.
33:58By then, Tuppy will have started for the ground.
34:00I'll take it down and hand it to him during some lull in the battle.
34:02By that time, he'll have discovered what sort of ruggard match he's in for.
34:20Come on!
34:22Come on!
34:24Good luck, Hildebrand!
34:26I'm doing it for you, Daisy!
34:40I've got the ball!
34:44Well played, Hildebrand!
34:45Charlie!
35:08Have you got anyone called Glassop?
35:11You've got an urgent telegram.
35:23Oh, afternoon sir, telegram for glasses.
35:25Yes, thank you, I'll take it.
35:43Ah!
35:45Ah!
35:45Ah!
35:45Ah!
35:48Ah!
35:49Ah!
35:50Ah!
35:51Ah!
35:53Ah!
35:54Ah!
35:55Ah!
36:01Mr. Glassop's worth it, Brad.
36:04He isn't a damn fool!
36:06Ah!
36:08Ah!
36:09Ah!
36:09Ah!
36:09Ah!
36:10Ah!
36:10Ah!
36:11Ah!
36:11Ah!
36:11Go!
36:17Go!
36:19Go!
36:21Go!
36:23Go!
36:24Go!
36:24Go!
36:27Go!
36:27Go!
36:29Go!
36:30Go!
36:30How's it going?
36:30Quiet man so far.
36:40Tapping out, man!
36:42A telegram for you.
36:43Do you think I've got time for telegrams now?
36:46Oh, but this one may be fearfully urgent.
36:48Here it is.
36:52Gosh, I've left it at the house.
36:53Well, it doesn't matter.
36:54No, but it does.
36:55I mean, it probably does.
36:57There's probably something you ought to read at once.
36:58If I were you, I'd just say a few quick words of farewell to the murder squad
37:02and go back to the house right away.
37:03Do you think I'm going to sneak away under her very eyes?
37:07Good God!
37:09Besides, I'm not leaving the field until I've thoroughly disemboweled that blonde-haired bounder.
37:15Do you notice the way he keeps on tackling me when I haven't got the ball?
37:18Isn't that right?
37:22Of course it's not right!
37:25Well, I'll tell you one thing.
37:26A bitter retribution awaits that bird, Bertie.
37:31From now on, I'm going to assert my personality.
37:36Well, no, Tuffy, I really think you ought to come and read the telegram.
37:55Come on!
37:56Come on, Hildebrand!
38:00Come on!
38:02I littleie, come on!
38:06Come on!
38:12Well done, Harry.
38:13Well done.
38:17What is that, man?
38:19It's a try.
38:21It's a try.
38:22It's a try.
38:22It's scored.
38:25A jolly well scored.
38:29Oh, no.
38:31Oh, no.
38:33My legs.
38:35First time anyone's scored since 1883.
38:45Bertie.
38:46Hello, Bingo.
38:48What are you doing here?
38:49Can't stop.
38:53Bertie, you've got to come back to London with me.
38:55Why?
38:58You've got to have lunch with my uncle tomorrow.
39:00Why should I have lunch with your uncle?
39:04Because he wants you to.
39:05Me?
39:06Doesn't know I exist.
39:07Oh, yes, he does.
39:08I've told him about you.
39:10What have you told him?
39:11Oh, various things.
39:16Where's Daisy?
39:17She's not here, old chap.
39:18Had to go to London.
39:20I'll tell her you were asking.
39:22Well played, by the by.
39:24What did she go to London for?
39:26Well, she got this message.
39:31Jeeves!
39:32Jeeves!
39:32You're back!
39:33Yes, sir.
39:34I arrived shortly after the second half.
39:35Well in time to see Mr. Glossop score his try.
39:39Try?
39:40Oh, my gosh, Jeeves.
39:41What does that mean we've failed?
39:43Mr. Algleish will be all over him, calling him a hero.
39:46I doubt that, sir.
39:48Really, Jeeves?
39:48I say, Jeeves, that wheeze of yours of reading to my uncle was an absolute corker.
39:53Thank you, sir.
39:55Excuse me.
39:55Excuse me.
39:57Tuffy!
39:57What happened?
39:58I've broken my leg.
39:59That's what's happened.
40:00And she wasn't even there.
40:02Hello, Tuffy.
40:03Haven't seen you for ages.
40:05I've met this most wonderful girl, Tuffy.
40:06If Mabel her name is...
40:07I mean, you wouldn't believe how beautiful she is.
40:12I've swept myself to the boat first.
40:15I allow a mob of homicidal lunatics to kick me in the ribs and stroll about all over my face.
40:21And what do I find?
40:22She hasn't even bothered to say to the end of the game.
40:24Mabel's very fond of football.
40:26Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
40:28She gets a message from someone in London who tells her he's got an Irish water spaniel for sale.
40:33So, of course, up she pops in her car, leaving me flat.
40:36Mabel's brother plays for Woolwich Arsenal, as a matter of fact.
40:42Oh, thank you, Jeeves.
40:44Might I enquire, sir?
40:45Are we proposing to return to the metropolis tomorrow?
40:48Oh, yes, I think so.
40:51Any particular reason?
40:53I have an appointment tomorrow afternoon that I'm anxious not to miss, sir.
40:58It was you, wasn't it, Jeeves?
41:00Sir?
41:00Who told Miss, er...
41:02What's her ballet name?
41:03About the alleged water spaniel.
41:05Yes, sir.
41:06Yes, I thought I detected the touch.
41:08You knew she'd go buzzing up to London and miss the game?
41:10Yes, sir.
41:11Yes, and you knew how tough he would react.
41:13If there's one thing that gives a jousting knight the pit,
41:15it's having his audience walk out on him.
41:18Very true, sir.
41:20Mm.
41:27Look!
41:28There she is, see?
41:29Now she's got her blasted Irish water spaniel.
41:32She can't even be bothered to say goodbye to me.
41:36Open the door.
42:04Ah!
42:06Oh!
42:06Before you knew it.
42:11Oh, Tubby, I forgot to give you your telegram.
42:19Oh, what a wonderful girl she is!
42:22Who's that, Tubby?
42:23Well, Angela, of course.
42:25Oh, really?
42:26Oh, she understands me, Bertie.
42:28Understands me like no other girl in the world!
42:38What I can't understand, Bingo, is why your uncle should ask a fellow to lunch
42:42and then he's never seen.
42:43Well, to tell you the truth, Bertie, I want you to spring the news on him
42:46about my marrying Mabel, having the nerve myself.
42:49What?
42:50Hang if I do!
42:53Good morning, Mr. Little.
42:55His lordship is expecting you.
42:57No, now, if you think that...
43:00Mr. Worcester, I am proud, I am gratified, I am honoured.
43:04Oh, ah.
43:06So young to have accomplished so much.
43:08Well, you know.
43:10Yes, well, we can talk properly over lunch.
43:13Miss Watson has prepared a very special repast.
43:16Oh, Richard, little Margaret will be having lunch with us.
43:18I hope you don't mind.
43:19I, uh, just go and fetch her.
43:24What's he talking about?
43:26Oh, Margaret's my little cousin.
43:27She's all right.
43:28No, no, I mean about me having accomplished something or other.
43:31I haven't accomplished anything.
43:32Have I?
43:33The fact is, Bertie, I know you won't mind.
43:36I told him you were the author of those books I've been reading to him.
43:41What?
43:41I said Rosie M. Banks was your pen name.
43:44He'll listen to you now.
43:45Absolutely hang on your words.
43:47Pitch it strong, Bertie, and keep steadily before you the fact that my allowance must be raised.
43:55What amazes me, Mr. Worcester, is that a man so young as you should be able to plumb human nature
43:59so surely to its depths.
44:02To play with so unerring a hand upon the quivering heartstrings of your reader.
44:08Oh, just a knack.
44:11How many words are there in a novel, Mr. Worcester?
44:15Words?
44:17Well, I never count.
44:19Just let it all come, that's what I say.
44:21Well, how many are there on a page?
44:25On a page?
44:27Well, 20 or 30.
44:30I mean, depends on the page.
44:33About 200.
44:36About 1,000, more or less.
44:37I mean, on a single page, you mean?
44:40Yes, about 10,000.
44:42I mean, that would be one of the bigger pages.
44:46Um, have you got a book handy?
44:48It's not important, Mr. Worcester.
44:50What is important, Margaret, is Mr. Worcester's splendid defiance of the outworn fetishes of a purblind social system.
44:57In the magnificent words of Lord Batchmore in, um, Only a Factory Girl.
45:02Be her origins ne'er so humble, a good woman is equal to the finest lady on earth.
45:11Ah, so you think it's all right for a chap in what you might call a certain social position to
45:15marry a girl of what you might call the lower classes?
45:19Oh, assuredly, Mr. Worcester.
45:21Bingo wants to marry a waitress.
45:24Richard?
45:26I honour you.
45:28You don't object?
45:30On the contrary.
45:32Well, I, I, I hope you don't think I'm butting in here, but, er, his allowance and all that, he
45:35was, he was rather hoping that you might see your way clear to jerking up the total a bit.
45:39Oh, I fear that can hardly be managed. It would not be fair to my wife.
45:44But you're not married, uncle.
45:45Not yet, but I intend to enter that holy state almost immediately.
45:49Under the influence of Mr. Worcester's splendid books, I have persuaded Miss Watson, the lady who for so many years
45:54has cooked so wonderfully for me, to accept my hand in marriage.
46:10A nice crusty splitting.
46:12Oh.
46:14Oh.
46:16Oh.
46:16Oh.
46:17Oh.
46:18Oh.
46:19Oh.
46:20Oh.
46:21Oh.
46:22Oh.
46:23Oh.
46:24Oh.
46:43You know what, Jeans?
46:45No, sir.
46:46This is jolly nice.
46:48I mean, looking at the clock and...
46:51Wondering if you're gonna be late with the good old drinks and then you coming in with a tray always
46:55exactly on time and shoving it down on the table and then biffing off and then the next night, coming
47:00in, shoving it down, biffing off and then the next night, er, gives one a sort of safe, restful feeling.
47:06Soothing, that's the word.
47:07It is soothing, isn't it, sir?
47:10Hmm.
47:12Nevertheless, Jeeves, I must ask you to brace up and bite the bullet.
47:16I'm afraid I have bad news for you, Jeeves.
47:18That scheme of yours about reading those books to Bingo's uncle, well, I'm afraid it's, er, it's blown out a
47:23fuse.
47:24They did not soften him, sir?
47:25They did, Jeeves.
47:26That's the whole ballet problem.
47:28I'm sorry to say that your fiancée, Miss Watson, er, you know, the cook.
47:32Well, the long and the short of it is, Jeeves, that she appears to have chosen riches instead of honest
47:36worth, if you know what I mean.
47:38So?
47:40Well, she has handed you the mitten and gone off and got engaged to Lord Bittlesham.
47:44Indeed, sir.
47:47Well, you don't seem very upset, Jeeves.
47:49To tell the truth, sir, I was not wholly averse to the severance of my relations with Miss Watson.
47:54I respect Miss Watson exceedingly, but I have seen for some time that she and I were not suited.
48:00Now, the other young person with whom I have an understanding...
48:04Good Lord, Jeeves. There isn't another.
48:07Yes, sir.
48:08By an odd coincidence, sir, it is the same young person in whom Mr Little has been so interested.
48:15What, Mabel?
48:16Yes, sir.
48:18Good Lord, Jeeves.
48:22Well, poor old Bingo.
48:26Shall I contact the estate agents tomorrow, sir?
48:31Estate agents, Jeeves?
48:32I understood that it was your intention to take a house of sufficient size for Mrs Schofield and her three
48:38young ladies to live with you.
48:40Oh, no, no. Hold on. No, that's all off, Jeeves. No, young ladies. Fiends, Jeeves. Fiends, every one of them.
48:46Now, how they ever grow up into those adorable creatures that we know and love, I cannot fathom.
48:51Now, I shall continue the monk-like existence which has characterised my life hitherto.
48:56Very good, sir.
48:57Oh, perhaps another small whiskey and soda might be called for.
49:01Very good, sir.
49:46Oh, perhaps another small whiskey and soda someone I can use for.
49:47Very good, sir.
49:47Your good song with you.
49:47That's good.
49:48Well, I shall continue the song with you.
49:48That is all right.
49:48How a movie of a movie of a movie that was not a movie that could be the most fun
49:48indeed it can.
49:48That's an old movie that you never got under your head.
49:48I shall continue to run on.
49:50It's always how happy, though, well, I shall continue to see your point in that.
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