- 8 hours ago
Elle Episode 3
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:01Donna?
00:04Previously on Elle.
00:05I wish we could wake up from this nightmare bruiser.
00:08I just found a way to get you home.
00:10Cosmo's doing a semester-long internship in L.A.
00:12Tell me how to win immediately.
00:14You just need to choose from a few of these essay problems.
00:17When things get bad, how would you stage your comeback?
00:20I could write about Donna's comeback.
00:22I can help her get rehired.
00:23What's comma Elle?
00:24Hi, I'm Shannon Walker.
00:26Sorry, I forgot what it was like to receive eye contact.
00:30Hey, are you going to Carpet Mart on Saturday?
00:32Okay, what is Carpet Mart?
00:34Why are you here with the chick who got your mom fired?
00:35I'm not.
00:37Since when is Donna your mom?
00:39Since birth?
00:40I haven't asked anyone who their parents are in Seattle.
00:42Me going to our school hinges on her working there.
00:45I don't want you to get kicked out.
00:46And please, just give up.
00:51Everything just feels backwards here.
00:53Okay.
00:54What are you doing?
00:55I'm getting you out of your head!
00:57I don't know where you go!
00:58I don't know where you go!
00:59I don't know where you go!
01:01And who is that handsome young gentleman who seems very concerned about your well-being?
01:06He's just a friend.
01:07Thank you Woof!
01:22Yeah, I understand her!
01:29Don't you mind!
01:32With your family…
01:34No, no parking...
01:37No campus!
01:42Hi.
01:43Could I get a medium iced?
01:46No.
01:47Hey.
01:48Donna?
01:51What happened to the fish market?
01:53Ah, this is my weekend gig.
01:55Why are you dressed for a sting operation?
01:58Oh, I'm trying to hide from a boy who might go here.
02:01One time I saw him drinking what I think was a coffee, but what am I supposed to do?
02:04This is the only coffee shop I don't need my mom to drive me to.
02:07You are so brave.
02:09Ow.
02:09Gosh.
02:10Okay, so this boy that you are avoiding, is he dangerous somehow?
02:15Only emotionally.
02:16He's dating a girl I've been desperate to befriend.
02:19I didn't realize it until too late.
02:21Oh, honey.
02:23Uh, Donna, you made another decapitated swan.
02:26I'm terrible at this.
02:27I'll be right back.
02:31Elle?
02:33Shannon.
02:34You're here.
02:35Oh.
02:36Ah!
02:38You're both here.
02:40Together.
02:41Because you're a couple.
02:43Looking super strong and committed this morning, I might add.
02:47Go us.
02:49Oh, actually, you can settle an argument for us.
02:52We're splitting a bagel.
02:53Which one's better?
02:55Blueberry.
02:56Or everything.
02:57You want me to choose?
02:59Between the two of you.
03:02Hmm.
03:02Hmm.
03:06Sorry, Miles.
03:07Got to go blueberry.
03:08Girl code.
03:09Oh, I see.
03:09So you two are teaming up against me.
03:11Always.
03:13What can I get you?
03:14One blueberry bagel with blueberry cream cheese.
03:18Goody, a threesome of Carmen Sandiego.
03:22Uh, can I get a croissant?
03:23Oh, that actually sounds good.
03:25Can you make that, too, croissants?
03:26Got a blueberry bagel here?
03:28Uh, you guys can have it.
03:30Let's grab a table.
03:34And to think, we could have had everything together.
03:37That's...
03:38I mean, I don't know about everything.
03:42Oh, you meant the...
03:43The bagel.
03:46Ignore me.
03:47I think I might have a hairline concussion from that mosh pit.
03:51Oh.
03:53I...
03:53I think you gotta...
03:56Here, I...
03:57No!
03:58Don't.
04:03I mean, I want it there.
04:04It's mine.
04:05Okay.
04:06Well, sit yourself.
04:08I have my own.
04:17I'm sure it wasn't that bad.
04:18We were practically rounding second base in front of his girlfriend.
04:21Pause.
04:22Can we please discuss how epic it is you have a genuine Seattle prospect?
04:25He's not a prospect, Madison.
04:27That's the point.
04:28I can't like him.
04:29Miles is with Shannon.
04:30And Shannon's basically the coolest senior at Rainier West.
04:33They're the Brad and Gwyneth of this dumb school.
04:35If they're so perfect, then why was Miles totally flirting with you?
04:39Whatever.
04:39I refuse to make another fatal mistake and turn my school against me again.
04:43Just go for it.
04:44Who cares?
04:44This will all be a distant memory when you win the Cosmo contest anyway.
04:48Yeah, you're right.
04:49I just need to move back to L.A. and get myself out of this mess.
04:52So we agree.
04:53Great.
04:53I gotta...
04:54Uh, later.
04:55Bye.
04:57Okay, bruiser.
04:59No more boy talk.
05:00We need to focus so we can get ourselves out of this mess.
05:04Essay number two.
05:06Cosmo girls are like cake.
05:08Sweet, layered, and a little bit naughty.
05:12But making a good first impression is everything.
05:15If someone were to meet you for the very first time, what's one word they would use to describe you?
05:20Well, that's easy.
05:22It's obviously...
05:25Well, there are so many words.
05:29Elle Woods is...
05:31Stylish.
05:37Charitable.
05:43Confident.
05:46She loves to be one of the girls.
05:48Respectful.
05:50She lives in the place.
05:51She lives in the place inside of our...
05:52Respectful.
05:53But nothing is ever put straight.
05:56She loses herself...
05:58This is actually kind of impossible.
06:01If I say I'm glamorous, are they gonna think I'm not down to earth?
06:05If I pick smart, will they know I'm also fun?
06:08Should I say motivated, kind, Gemini?
06:13Vegetarian?
06:14How could anyone possibly narrow down Elle Woods to one single word?
06:20I'm only happy when it rains.
06:24I'm only happy when it's complicated.
06:28And though I know you can't appreciate it,
06:32I'm only happy when it rains.
06:37Pull your misery down.
06:41Pull your misery down.
06:44Pull your misery down.
06:48Pull your misery down.
06:49Pull your misery down.
06:50Pull your misery down.
06:50Pull your misery down.
06:52I can't hear no sin.
06:56I'm only happy when it rains.
07:00I'm only happy when it rains.
07:01You'll want to hear about my new obsession.
07:04I'm riding high upon a deep depression.
07:08I'm only happy when it rains.
07:19I have no idea what this could be in reference to.
07:23Someone must have been trying to write the word Scott.
07:27You know, a lot of people think I'm fully Scottish.
07:32But I'm mostly Irish.
07:35Hey, way to ditch me a cup of mouth.
07:40I ditched you.
07:41I nearly suffered a head injury as a result of that unsanctioned mosh pit you dragged me into.
07:46It's a miracle I'm still alive.
07:48Well done.
07:51Let's not waste your one wild and precious life.
07:59Know how you told me Principal Anderson fudges facts on official paperwork?
08:03Dude left his last school under, quote, mysterious circumstances.
08:05It's unknown, not mysterious.
08:08You can't just change the word to make your point more scandalous.
08:11Oh, speaking of words, if you could describe me in one, what would it be?
08:15Yeah, I'm not doing that.
08:15Anyway, this article implies Anderson was fired.
08:18I knew that guy was shady.
08:20Not interested.
08:21Oh, come on.
08:22Drop it.
08:24Seriously.
08:25Yo, Dustin.
08:26You got ideas for the flyers?
08:31Okay, let's see what you got.
08:59How do I look?
09:05Religious.
09:06Well, I was actually going for nice, but religious works, too.
09:08Where did your neck go?
09:10The neck is the pedestal to the face.
09:12Well, I know turtlenecks haven't traditionally been a part of my aesthetic, but maybe that was the wrong instinct.
09:16Maybe I'm a turtleneck person now.
09:19Turtleneck person.
09:19Wyatt, I inexplicably saw my Rolodex in your study.
09:29Can you go?
09:31Can you go?
09:33I will retrieve that for you.
09:39Honey, what's going on?
09:42Nothing.
09:44I just...
09:46Do you remember when we were walking Bruiser in the park and some lady compared him to a dachshund?
09:53Of course.
09:53He was devastated.
09:55Yeah.
09:55Well, now I know how he felt.
09:57Oh!
10:01Your housewarming invitations feature a jump scare.
10:04Well, first impressions are everything.
10:06Your dad's mishap ran our family out of L.A. and could have totally destroyed us.
10:13Thank goodness we have our second chance in Seattle.
10:15But, Elle, we can't afford another embarrassment.
10:18Yeah, that would be so bad.
10:20Well, fortunately, I figured out that those two gay men that I've been seeing on my twice-daily power walks
10:27live down the street.
10:29A well-dressed, same-sex couple really increases your party social stock.
10:35And that just reminds me, I need to give your father a few invites for his clients.
10:43The post-ops, obviously.
10:46And no judgment, but...
10:49Appearance is everything.
10:51You're back already.
10:54What's that doing there?
10:56What?
10:58Mike McCready?
10:59Oh, uh, nice guy I'm in at a coffee shop said he'd be open for a little jam sesh sometime.
11:04It's just what the world needs, more men with guitars.
11:08Well, I think it's great, Dad.
11:10Can I get a ride to school?
11:12Yes.
11:12Let's do this.
11:13Oh.
11:16Yes, you know you should take her.
11:17I have envelopes to stuff.
11:19Great.
11:21Bye, Mom.
11:22I love you.
11:22I love you.
11:37Bruiser?
11:38Honey, where are you?
11:40Come to Glamour.
11:45How's the brain injury?
11:48Did it turn you Amish?
11:51Modesty is non-denominational.
11:54I, um, I got your message on our answering machine.
11:58I really appreciate you dropping the Anderson stuff.
12:01Well, I meant it.
12:02I get that there are consequences, and I like to think of myself as a loyal person.
12:07Loyal.
12:08Adding that as a maybe.
12:10What?
12:12Hello, compatriots.
12:13Oh, I printed you a copy of this.
12:14I don't think you read it fully.
12:16Drop it.
12:17What is that?
12:18Just Dustin being Dustin.
12:21Okay, everyone.
12:22Today, we are learning about catalyzed reactions.
12:27You know what that means.
12:30Interactive science.
12:31Now, I have hydrogen peroxide and different colored soaps.
12:35When I add our catalyst, oxygen gets rapidly released, which aerates the soap, causing...
12:44Yes, Dustin.
12:46So, what you're saying is you needed a catalyst for that incredible feat of science to go down.
12:51Well, I don't know if I'd call elephant toothpaste an incredible feat of science, but I do think that...
12:56But, with a little help, the oxygen came to light.
12:59Like all truth does eventually, don't you think?
13:02Hmm.
13:03Huh.
13:04Well, uh, yes, Elle.
13:05Ms. Burke, did I misremember the assigned reading that says that hydrogen peroxide decomposes naturally without interference?
13:14Very good, Elle.
13:15Yes, it will decompose just slower without a catalyst.
13:18But that catalyst ultimately made a giant mess all over your desk.
13:22Maybe we should think twice before meddling with hydrogen peroxide and be grateful for its mild and non-controversial interceptic
13:28uses.
13:28First of all, I think you're drastically overestimating it.
13:31How dare I?
13:31Okay.
13:31How dare I?
13:32All right.
13:33Christopher, would you like to help me pass out beakers so we can all try it ourselves?
13:36Super normal behavior from you, per usual.
13:39I told you, I'm a...
13:45Slut!
14:13I knew you were capable of lies, Kimberly.
14:15But I cannot believe you would scrawl that vile insult on my locker.
14:22Am I supposed to know what you're talking about?
14:24Or is this a side effect of your fake concussion?
14:27I was studying the four-letter epithet, which I will not repeat in public,
14:32when I thought,
14:33That curly S looks awfully familiar. Where have I seen it before? Hmm. I wonder.
14:39Yeah, sorry if the truth hurts.
14:41What truth? I've never even kissed a guy. If anything, I'm a prude.
14:45But I would not like that to be a word that defines me, either.
14:48Please, you...
14:50Wait, are you serious?
14:52Have you never kissed a guy before?
14:54I have very specific criteria when it comes to creating the perfect first kiss.
14:58But my point is, I could kiss a zillion guys. You do not write S-L-U-T on someone's
15:05locker.
15:06And what if the S-L-U-T is swooning over her wannabe besties B-O-Y?
15:11Miles, that's... that's not even a thing.
15:13I've been friends with Shannon since kindergarten.
15:15So I think it's time she knew that she's friends with a slut in sheep's clothing.
15:19Well, first of all, this is faux cashmere. So theoretically, it would be goats' clothing.
15:24And second, you have absolutely no proof whatsoever of this alleged crush.
15:29Then maybe I need to find proof.
15:42Okay, first order of business when I come visit you over fall break.
15:45Kill Kimberly.
15:46I refuse to spend our precious week together burying a body.
15:49Oh, forget Kimberly.
15:51She's a classic mean girl bully who wouldn't survive 24 hours in L.A.
15:57I hear clicking. Are our phones being tapped? Should we change the subject?
16:00Oh, those are my hazards.
16:02I just saw Seven and I'm scared to drive home.
16:06But on the plus side, I can very easily imagine Kimberly's head in a box.
16:10Why isn't you?
16:11You know, you have to go to her pool party, right?
16:14You can't let her ice you out of the social scene.
16:16Fall functions lead to holiday hoedowns, which lead to spring flings.
16:19Do you want to spend Easter alone?
16:21No, but I can't go.
16:23My mom's housewarming's that day. Plus Miles is going to be there.
16:26The way I see it, you only have one logical response.
16:28Get a boyfriend who isn't Miles and throw Kimberly off the scent.
16:34That's... genius.
16:36But who, though? I don't like anyone.
16:37You don't have to like them. You just have to be convincing.
16:44World peace.
16:46World peace.
16:47Cute.
16:48Yeah, just with everything going on, Bosnia, Tonya Harding,
16:54the world just really needs to be brought together.
17:04It's fine. It's totally fine.
17:07It's disgusting. Who did that?
17:09The school said they'd remove it. Eventually.
17:13I am so sorry.
17:20Is this why you were wearing a cashmere turtleneck under a mid-length dress yesterday?
17:24You noticed too.
17:25You can't change because someone feels threatened by you all.
17:28We all know this isn't who you are.
17:30I have to go to class.
17:31Burn the turtleneck?
17:32Definitely.
17:33Bye.
17:41Yo, lesbian. 16 this month.
17:46He just called you lesbian. As in lesbian.
17:50I heard.
17:52That doesn't bother you?
17:53You complimented my zine.
17:55I mean, if I'm being honest, I'm more surprised he knows how to read.
17:58Puns are for greeting cards and multicamps. Not bigotries.
18:01I'm sorry. You think that guy came up with lesbian?
18:04That's a Liz Miller original.
18:06Why would you start a rumor about yourself that would cause people to think that you're gay?
18:12Are you in witness protections?
18:15Oh, no. Um, I am gay.
18:19Obviously.
18:20I'm sorry for not knowing sooner.
18:22Oh, don't be.
18:24If everyone had your gaydar, the world would be a safer place.
18:27I have always considered myself to be sexual preference blind.
18:30I had a crush on Freddie Mercury till sixth grade.
18:33Post-live aid.
18:34Anyway, I love that you're gay.
18:36What are you doing for pride?
18:38Are you just feeling guilty about getting my mom fired?
18:41No. I genuinely like you.
18:43Why?
18:45Why do I like you?
18:46Yeah.
18:48Well, we have nothing in common.
18:50You know almost nothing about me, so why do you like me?
18:54Name one reason.
18:56I mean, I don't know. I just do.
18:59Well, um, when you figure it out,
19:04you let me know.
19:12Hey, if you don't want to sit by your loan zone,
19:14you can sit with me and Shannon.
19:15Oh, don't worry. Miles should be joining too.
19:17Maybe you guys can Lady and the Tramp the same spaghetti noodle or something.
19:20No, thank you. I'm waiting for my boyfriend, Dustin.
19:26Huh?
19:27Are you safe to see, babe?
19:30Oh, please.
19:37Mind if I have some alone time with my significant other?
19:40Or do you want to watch as we create pet names for each other?
19:46Or if...
19:47Oh, you're so funny.
19:52Thanks for that.
19:53Yeah.
19:56You're not going to ask?
19:57Usually with you, that leads to more questions than answers.
20:01Besides, I already know how you're going to repay me.
20:03Help me expose Anderson.
20:04No, thank you. I shouldn't have told you about him.
20:06I just need you to get one of your parents to go to the school board meeting tonight and
20:10snag one of the school budgets so I can see if Anderson's actually providing the school with what he's getting
20:14money for.
20:14Why can't you ask one of your parents to go?
20:16My mom lives out of district and my dad would know I'm up to something just like how
20:19Kimberly would know you're up to something if I came out as your fake boyfriend.
20:22You wouldn't do that to us. We're committed.
20:25What's your deal with Anderson anyway?
20:27Why do you want to take him down so badly?
20:29Did you know our mascot used to be the Chiefs?
20:31Which, you know, didn't exactly fill some of our student body with school spirit.
20:38Because it perpetuates negative stereotypes.
20:41Anderson fought me on changing the mascot all last year.
20:44Basically said it was cheaper for the school to stay racist.
20:52Yeah, not exactly as big as fine.
20:58Well, obviously Anderson stinks and deserves to be taken down.
21:02But if I agree to this, we get adults and lawyers involved, okay?
21:06We do not go public. It's the only way to avoid collateral damage.
21:10Can you do it or not?
21:11My mom thrives at a good old-fashioned school board meeting.
21:16But only if you like live entertainment and vegan options.
21:23Oh, don't open it over here. Open it by the trunch.
21:26I look forward to your RSVP.
21:29Mrs. Woods, this isn't a personal networking forum.
21:33Please take your seat. The board meeting is about to begin.
21:36Of course.
21:37It's so good of you to remind me again.
21:42The dress code is upscale terrace.
21:46I know you got that, Andrew.
21:49Dean Wilson.
21:50Hello there, Eva Woods.
21:53Which you would know if I put adhesive on boucle.
21:56You're a new face.
21:57My husband and I are new to Medina.
22:00Uh, what neighborhood did you move into?
22:03No, I don't know.
22:04It's walking distance from that bakery with the mini quiches.
22:08Boku bake shop.
22:09Yes.
22:09Yes.
22:10Why aren't all quiches mini?
22:12That is what my husband said.
22:13I don't know.
22:16I do love your little elbow patches.
22:20Now, do you teach English or are your elbows just prone to friction?
22:24Neither.
22:25Actually, I am...
22:27Ah, if you'll excuse me.
22:29Eva, it was lovely to meet you.
22:30Lovely to meet you, too.
22:33Oh.
22:35Parents and teachers, before we start the meeting, it is my distinct pleasure to introduce
22:40Medina's new mayoral candidate, current superintendent, Dean Wilson.
22:52Thank you, Eric.
22:54Principal Shane Anderson and the Rainier West School Board for their political endorsement.
22:58Mayoral candidate in converse?
23:00My pleasure to serve the district as superintendent, and I intend to stay committed to providing
23:04quality education as mayor.
23:07When I began serving as your district superintendent...
23:10Just remind people to RSVP.
23:13...that I would improve academic...
23:18Hey, how'd it go in there?
23:20Don't understand how this will get you extra credit in econ.
23:24Oh, you know, number stuff.
23:27Were you able to unload some invites in there?
23:29Yes, but now I'm completely rethinking my dress code.
23:34The man running for mayor looked like an extra from Dead Poets Society.
23:38Nobody blinked an eye.
23:40Oh, God.
23:42Wait.
23:45Is that that skater?
23:46Um, hi.
23:48Hi.
23:49Why are you on my car?
23:51You know, it's pretty cozy when it's not lying me down.
23:55Uh, Mom, this is Dustin.
23:59My econ partner has previously discussed, the contents of this stays between us till we commit to a plan.
24:10This is yours.
24:12And now I understand why you need that extra credit.
24:16Well, we'll see you, Elle.
24:18Do let me know if you want to try any more heroin.
24:25I really worry about you lowering your standards to fit in.
24:28Are you kidding me?
24:31Dustin said a lot for this school. If anything, I don't meet his standards.
24:33Oh, that's not a bad thing.
24:35You don't even know him.
24:36I know enough based on my limited interactions with him.
24:39Well, there's more to a person than a first impression.
24:41I'm just trying to make sure that my daughter doesn't make a mistake.
24:43Well, your daughter's a slut.
24:45That is absolutely not true.
24:47You've never even kissed a boy before.
24:49You have your criteria.
24:51Well, someone wrote it on my locker.
24:52In Sharpie.
24:53And I wanted to tell you about it, but you've been so obsessed with rehabbing our family's reputation
24:58with gay men and exploding confetti.
25:00I was scared it would give you a heart attack.
25:02Oh, honey.
25:05These children are pale on purpose.
25:08They don't know anything.
25:10You're going to find your friends.
25:11You just have to audition a few new faces before committing to anyone.
25:17That's the whole reason we're having our garden party.
25:20You know what, Mom?
25:21I'm not going to your party.
25:23What are you talking about?
25:25I'm going to Kimberly's pool party with Dustin, the heroin junkie you like sluts.
25:32So don't worry.
25:33Your slutty daughter won't ruin your perfect party with her slutty face.
25:40Get in the car before TCBY closes.
26:11We should probably discuss some ground rules while we're here.
26:14No extended eye contact, no innuendo.
26:17You can call me Elle or Babe, but I'm open to a more unique pet name if you have one.
26:22Maybe Elle of the ball.
26:25Hell?
26:28He came in a bikini.
26:35Oh, I see we're still committing to this fake relationship.
26:38Has she let you kiss her yet?
26:40Apparently she has very specific conditions.
26:42Let's go, dust bunny.
26:44Lead the way, L.A.
26:47You managed to see it wasn't bad.
26:50What conditions was she talking about?
26:52For you, the apocalypse.
26:54Now I'll let you go change and I'll wait for you by the pool.
26:57Changing to what?
26:57You're bathing.
27:21I thought this was a pool party.
27:23I think that means something different here in Seattle.
27:25I would have told you, but I didn't actually invite you.
27:34Why didn't you tell me I was dressed crazy?
27:37I thought it was an L.A. thing.
28:01I don't think the guests realize the champagne is real.
28:06I've had several requests for beer.
28:12Is that Mary from the dog park?
28:16Ha-cha-cha!
28:17Yeah.
28:18Probably didn't recognize me without a poop bag in my hand.
28:21Am I right?
28:23Let's put this in your hand instead.
28:25It's from Cote de Blanc.
28:27No, thank you.
28:28Actually, I was just on the hunt for some carbs.
28:30The radish canapés are...
28:32Boy, are they refreshing.
28:34But it's not exactly soaking up my buzz, if you know what I mean.
28:37Boy, isn't that the whole idea, though?
28:39To just buzz off into oblivion.
28:42Because the real world.
28:46I hate the world.
28:48But seriously, do you have any bread rolls or anything?
28:52Because you don't actually want to buzz off into oblivion.
28:57Because you have to wake up tomorrow and do things.
29:03Oh god, it didn't even occur to me to provide bread.
29:05Hey, no, it's okay. It's fine. It's fine.
29:07I will grab some Liannese from the caviar.
29:11I don't know how I drop the ball like that.
29:13Um, we have oatmeal.
29:15So just stay put and I will have the chef prepare you some.
29:19Okay. Ugh, gross. I don't...
29:22Thanks.
29:29Please tell the chef to boil some water. Stat.
29:32Oh, Mayor Hopeful Dean Wilson, you came. What a pleasure.
29:38Uh, November 7th, get out and vote. Join the Dean team.
29:43I just coined that, but you can have it.
29:45I appreciate the plug.
29:46Well, if you hadn't come, I would have had to declare a state of emergency.
29:51Mayors do that, right?
29:52Yes. I think.
29:55Honestly, something I should get confirmation on.
29:58Um, I wanted to get out and get some face time with the voters.
30:01Mm-hmm.
30:01You know, let them know that there's a candidate out there
30:03who doesn't just serve the elite.
30:04Well, if you are looking for salt of the earth,
30:07you came to the right place.
30:09Honey, the chef accidentally seared the foie gras on both sides.
30:12Do you want them to toss it?
30:15Excuse us for your response.
30:21Oh, okay.
30:23Oh, okay, I'll...
30:26Oh, okay. Stay positive.
30:29Everything is great.
30:33What?
30:37Oh, no.
30:39I'm in the ballet of the beast.
30:43Hey, this is Kimberly's room.
30:46Oh, my God.
30:50Okay, I have to remove this.
30:52It's all right.
30:54Hey.
30:58Alice.
31:13Hi, it's Donna.
31:15And Liz.
31:16And we're out getting matching tattoos.
31:18Mom, stop.
31:19All right, fine.
31:19We're boring.
31:20Leave a message anyway.
31:22Liz, hi.
31:24I'm at Kimberly's party in a bikini.
31:29So, obviously, I hid myself in a room because I was scared what people would think.
31:34And it dawned on me why I like you so much.
31:37You don't care.
31:41Like, about anything.
31:42How you dress, how you act.
31:44You write a zine that almost no one reads.
31:46And you totally rock the whole lesbian thing.
31:50Which I'm realizing now I probably shouldn't be sitting on your answering machine.
31:53So I need you to teach me how to not care.
31:56And also, please bring me my emergency party outfit.
31:59My mom can show you the one.
32:01Preferably now.
32:03And at Kimberly's.
32:05Oh, this is Elle, by the way.
32:07Elle Woods, through English class.
32:09I wouldn't tell your mom I said hi.
32:12I don't know why you won't give that girl a chance.
32:16This is her leaving a message.
32:19To imagine her in person.
32:20I know her in person.
32:22I have worked at Renier West High for 20 years.
32:24I know the names of all my students.
32:26And their allergies.
32:28You know, Elle was the only one who called to check on me when I got fired.
32:35She had known me a week.
32:39Imagine her as an actual friend.
32:51You've definitely proven that it works.
32:53I mean, all of which to say that we're waiting for our Series B funding.
32:56The CEO's really stressed about evaluation, so now he's riding everyone's ass.
33:00He sounds like my trainer.
33:02His name's not Billy Blanks, is it?
33:05It's John.
33:07Right.
33:11Well, computer stuff is so important, Craig.
33:14Well, it's more like an online classified show.
33:16Do you have any pictures of your children?
33:19Actually, I just realized I left my wallet in my car, which I handed over to a total stranger.
33:24Do you know where they parked it?
33:25I will have the valet bring it out front.
33:27What kind of car do you drive?
33:28I can grab my own keys.
33:30No, no, no.
33:30That's the valet's job, Craig.
33:33Your job is to enjoy yourself, eat, drink, mingle.
33:40Hi.
33:41Can you give us a minute, please?
33:43Thanks.
33:44What are you doing?
33:45I don't know.
33:46I don't know what I'm doing.
33:48In LA, my prowess as a hostess put Kathy Hilton to shame, and now I'm completely out of my element.
33:53They want bread.
33:55They want beer.
33:57They can park themselves.
33:58You talk about them like they're from another planet.
34:00I want them to like me.
34:02Well, they will like you, because you're you, not because of all this.
34:07Fine.
34:08You host.
34:09I have to go see if Boku delivers baguettes.
34:19Have you seen Elle?
34:20She probably left.
34:22Oh, and you could drop the roost now.
34:24What do you mean?
34:25Oh, come on.
34:26She's obviously not your girlfriend.
34:28I mean, if you're trying to get in on that, good luck.
34:30She's never even kissed a guy.
34:31Well, that's not what I look, I say.
34:33It is.
34:35Hey, look, Elle is a social climber who thinks she can skip a few rungs, and you're the one
34:39she's currently standing on, FYI.
34:41I don't know what you're digging for here.
34:42She's cute.
34:43She's funny.
34:44We get each other.
34:46I don't know what's so complicated about that.
34:49Wait, you don't actually like her, do you?
34:51Yeah, maybe if you were a little less mean, you'd have a boyfriend, too.
35:16Elle?
35:18Elle, where are you?
35:20Please?
35:21Over here.
35:34Okay.
35:36Wait, where's my vinyl mini and pastel guest sweater?
35:39I didn't bring them.
35:40Very funny.
35:42Where are they?
35:43I'm serious.
35:44Okay.
35:46It's fine.
35:47It's fine.
35:48Plan B.
35:49I'll just wear something of Kim...
35:53What is this?
35:57Where are Kimberly's clothes?
35:59These are her clothes.
36:01What?
36:02She changes at school.
36:04If her parents saw what she actually wears, it sent her to military school.
36:07Well, now who's the poser?
36:09It actually makes me kind of sad.
36:13Okay, well, I've never worn a gingham jumper before, but desperate times.
36:18All right, stop touching her shit, okay?
36:20I came empty-handed on purpose.
36:23You said you didn't want to care, so don't care.
36:27Wear that.
36:28I can't wear this.
36:29There's already a floating rumor that I'm an SL Utah.
36:32Okay, who said that?
36:33Who do you think?
36:36Okay.
36:37Here are the facts.
36:38At one point in your life, you saw that bikini on a shelf, right?
36:42You bought that bikini.
36:44You wore that bikini today.
36:45Why?
36:46Because when pieces leave, wear tan lines.
36:48Because you think you look good.
36:50The key to not caring about what other people think is to own what you think.
36:54Be your own self.
36:56Want it if you want.
37:00You say I only hear what I want to.
37:17That sounded really good, you guys.
37:19Mind if I go next?
37:33Take this pink ribbon off my eyes.
37:38I'm exposed and it's no big surprise.
37:42Don't you think I know exactly where I'll stand?
37:47This world is forcing me to hold your hand.
37:51Cause I'm just a girl, a little old me.
37:55Well, don't let me out of your sight.
38:00Cause I'm just a girl, a little empty.
38:05So don't let me have any rights.
38:10Oh, I've had it up to you.
38:18They're so cute together.
38:22I didn't realize they were together.
38:23I think it's new.
38:27Dustin doesn't really seem like her type, does he?
38:30I'm just a girl in the woods.
38:33That's all that y'all let me do.
38:39I'm the girl.
38:41What's my destiny?
38:42He laughs and don't do it.
38:44Make it make me down.
38:48Oh, I've had it up to.
38:52Oh, I've had it up to.
38:56Oh, you're my wonder wall.
39:03One more time.
39:03Oh, I've had it up to.
39:07I'm just a girl.
39:09I'm just a girl.
39:11I'm just a girl.
39:14I'm just a girl.
39:16I'm just a girl.
39:25Oh, I've had it up to.
39:28I'm just a girl.
39:28One more time.
39:29Said maybe, said maybe.
39:33Yeah.
39:34You're gonna be the one that saves me, that saves me.
39:39And after all.
39:43Bring it home.
39:44You're my wonderrum
39:500-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0!
40:07I'm glad you stayed.
40:10I'm sorry for running away.
40:12But you could have warned me about my outfit fail.
40:15Sorry.
40:16But to be fair, I'm never going to tell a girl to look less hot.
40:25Thanks.
40:31Dustin, huh?
40:33Yeah.
40:34Yeah, it's new.
40:36I guess I didn't really know about you and Shannon, right?
40:39Yeah, not so new.
40:40Two years.
40:44Uh, can I ask you something?
40:46Uh, it's stupid.
40:52Did I, like, do something wrong?
40:55Or?
40:59No.
41:01No, I mean, it's fine.
41:03I mean, how could you?
41:04We barely know each other, right?
41:06We both just found out we have romantic counterparts.
41:11All right.
41:16Speaking of, I should probably go.
41:18Yeah.
41:18Fine.
41:19Mm-hmm.
41:19Mine.
41:34Oh, my God.
41:37Oh, my God.
41:47Dusty?
41:47We're talking about it on Friday.
41:48Honey, what are you doing?
41:49Taking money from the school, and this is just the stuff we know about.
41:52Everything that's going on.
41:54What the hell, L.A.?
41:55You lied to me.
42:03You lied to me.
42:12What are you doing?
42:14Why are we agreed to lawyers?
42:17No.
42:18You agreed to lawyers.
42:20And maybe in L.A., they do the hard work for you, but not here.
42:23Doesn't work like that here.
42:24If we want to get anything done, we'll have to stand up for ourselves.
42:27But you don't even know what you're doing.
42:28Really?
42:29The school budget claims to employ three maintenance workers on staff?
42:33Didn't Martindale tell you they only had one?
42:34Yes, which is why my locker couldn't get de-slutted.
42:37The school budget is full of bogus expenses, like $5,000 for tater tots.
42:41I've been at that school three years, and not once have I seen a tater tot at Rainier West High.
42:44You want to blow the whistle on a tater tot conspiracy?
42:46Did you know that Donna's salary is still listed on the budget?
42:49The temp presumably makes a fraction of what she earned.
42:51Where's that money going?
42:52Why was she even fired?
42:53Donna was fired because of me.
42:55Maybe she wasn't.
42:56Maybe it was an easy way to free up some excess cash.
43:00Look, if we're sitting on a huge scandal, we need to mobilize the whole school right now.
43:06Wait, is that why you were so willing to come with me to this party?
43:09To use me as access to an audience?
43:11Unlike how you used me to, what, prove you don't have a crush on your friend's boyfriend?
43:15I didn't even know they were dating.
43:17So why am I here?
43:17As an additional measure of security in case it got awkward and some of my crush leaked out.
43:23So you do like him?
43:25Look, I do care about the school, okay?
43:28And I'm not trying to get in your way, but this isn't about me.
43:31It's about me.
43:34I live just outside the Rainier West School District, but Anderson lets me go there anyway.
43:39My mom's worried about anyone digging up dirt on him because if he goes, I might get kicked out.
43:44Elle's trying to protect me.
43:51Duh.
43:52You want a ride?
43:53Yes, please.
44:14How was the pool party?
44:16Terrible.
44:17There wasn't even water in the pool.
44:19And you were wearing it after they called you?
44:24It's just so gauche.
44:26I bet no one even uses that word in 20 years.
44:29Like that dinky little online bookstore Craig's friend kept going on and on about.
44:36Skater boy didn't walk you to the door?
44:38Dustin and I aren't moving forward.
44:41You broke my trust.
44:43Honey, I'm sorry.
44:46But you can do better.
44:48Come meet the neighbors.
44:51Honey.
44:52Look who I found.
44:54Oh, you must be Elle.
44:57Hi.
44:57Chad Cohen.
44:58Charlie.
44:59Elle.
44:59What?
45:00Sorry again for being so late.
45:02Are you kidding me?
45:02Main reason to throw a party is to get to the after party.
45:05Chad and Charlie live with their son down the street.
45:07Oh, that's nice.
45:09Hey.
45:13Hi.
45:18Uh, do the adults want to open this in the back?
45:22Or do people want beer?
45:23Beer?
45:24Wow.
45:24I didn't realize you were running a frat house, Eva.
45:27Wyatt, we have found our people.
45:29Come on.
45:30Nice to meet you.
45:31How do you all feel about the Hugh Grant scandal?
45:34I don't think he's coming back from it.
45:36No, I think he's coming back from it.
45:37Really?
45:38I have a feeling.
45:39Well, now, I just thought he was British.
45:42So, the gay couple across the street my mom's obsessed with?
45:46It's my dad's.
45:48Yeah.
45:50Which makes you my neighbor.
45:55I can leave if you want me to.
45:57No, no.
45:57You can stay.
46:01I'm sorry about earlier.
46:03You were right.
46:04It's been a little weird.
46:05No.
46:06Cheers.
46:07Cheers.
46:09Welcome to the neighborhood.
46:10Thank you so much.
46:11I guess it's going to be harder to avoid me now, though.
46:20If Cosmo girls are like cake, then cake, by definition, is made up of many ingredients.
46:27So shouldn't what makes us us consist of many words?
46:32Xena isn't just a warrior or just a princess.
46:36And for all we know, Buffy could be slaying kittens without the appropriate qualifier.
46:42Sorry, Cosmo, but I refuse to write this essay on your terms.
46:47I am a constant work in progress.
46:50And I'm not about to brand Elle Woods as any one word.
47:00I am a constant work in progress.
47:26Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a
47:35destination.
47:39I realized quickly when I knew I should that the world was made up of this brotherhood of man.
47:49For whatever that means.
47:53Into a crisis of times when I'm lying in bed just to get it all out of what's in my
48:00head.
48:31Like, do you just say?
48:31Like, what do you think I'm sitting in my head?
48:40Because every day, I think that for me, I'm a big one.
48:40For the sake of my life, when I'm getting my mind.
48:40Gonna be working and figuring out the shit out of my head.
48:40So, by the light, we said there's where you're transforming.
48:41So, we're bettering to work.
48:42Tomäßほ, that's what I do.
48:42So, we'll be going to ask questions.
48:50I have to put you over.
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