- 6 hours ago
1997 The Real Blondie FULL HOT MOVIE [Full Movie] [Must See]Full EP - Full
Category
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:12Come on, buddy. Be careful. Watch out for that glass.
00:00:17Mmm. What the hell is wrong with people? Huh, buddy?
00:00:23Doesn't it seem like everybody's getting stupider and stupider?
00:00:26They have to be breaking somebody's window. Huh, buddy?
00:00:31Are you listening to me? I know what you're thinking about. You just wanna eat.
00:00:38Let's go now, cause I gotta get to work.
00:00:42You hold on to that ball. What do you think you're gonna have for breakfast this morning, huh?
00:00:49Bacon and eggs? Ha, ha, you wish.
00:00:58What are you? A cat or a rabbit?
00:01:02Kitty cat.
00:01:03Uh-huh. You're a rabbit. A fuzzy-headed little rabbit.
00:01:09Mmm. You got a heart on.
00:01:13No, I don't. You do, too.
00:01:15Mary, don't you think I'd know it if I had a heart on?
00:01:19And what's this?
00:01:20That's a carrot I keep to feed the little rabbit with.
00:01:27Come on, Joe. Stop. I don't have time. We'll do it tonight, okay?
00:01:31Okay. If that's what you want, I'll stop.
00:01:37Oh, all right. Quick. Get the rubber carrot, boy.
00:01:41Well, let's just do it with me.
00:01:44No. Come on. I don't wanna get pregnant.
00:01:46All right. No.
00:01:47All right, all right. Calm down. Good. Just a second.
00:01:52Help! Help!
00:01:54Stop it!
00:01:55Hold on.
00:01:56Hold on.
00:02:06Hold on.
00:02:09Hold on.
00:02:14Hold on.
00:02:34Hey. Hey, where are you going?
00:02:36Sorry, babe. Got a split.
00:02:40Don't you want some breakfast?
00:02:42No. No time for that.
00:02:45What's with this lock?
00:02:47You turn it to the left.
00:02:48To the left.
00:02:51Am I going to see you again?
00:02:53Oh, sure. Of course, babe.
00:02:55I'll give you a call sometime.
00:02:57Take it easy, eh?
00:02:58Do you like rollerblading?
00:03:06Shit.
00:03:08Joe?
00:03:10Is this blouse too revealing?
00:03:13Look at this.
00:03:14Here's Joe Schmoe, talented new actor,
00:03:16and here's Miss Quim, talented new actress.
00:03:18Joe.
00:03:19He's standing on the street in an overcoat,
00:03:21and she's lying on the floor in her underwear
00:03:23with her boobs hanging out.
00:03:24So?
00:03:25What do you mean, so?
00:03:26Here it is, 25 years after women's liberation,
00:03:29and women are still being reduced
00:03:30to selling themselves as sex objects.
00:03:32Maybe she doesn't feel reduced.
00:03:34Maybe she feels proud of her sexuality.
00:03:36Right?
00:03:37Well, maybe he's proud of his sexuality.
00:03:39Why isn't he crawling across the floor
00:03:41with his balls hanging out?
00:03:43And what do boobs have to do with acting?
00:03:45Nothing.
00:03:46I'm going to write a book about this.
00:03:48You're not working today?
00:03:51Yes, I'm working.
00:03:52I'm working a lunch,
00:03:52and then I have that audition
00:03:53with the casting director at 3.
00:03:55Right.
00:03:56Oh, good luck, hon.
00:03:58Um, listen, I still need a check for the rent.
00:04:01What?
00:04:01Again?
00:04:02Yeah, it kind of works that way.
00:04:04You know, once a month.
00:04:06Oh, remember, we have dinner with Raina and Alex tonight,
00:04:09and I think they're bringing the baby.
00:04:10All right.
00:04:11I'll meet you after the audition.
00:04:12Good luck, honey.
00:04:14Bye.
00:04:17There you are, Mr. Bob.
00:04:19Clean press.
00:04:20Very nice.
00:04:21Yeah, it's a piece of shit, Chang.
00:04:23Oh, no, it's a very nice tuxedo.
00:04:26It's a piece of shit.
00:04:27And I'll tell you something.
00:04:29The next time I come in here,
00:04:30I'll give it to you.
00:04:31Oh, no, Mr. Bob.
00:04:33Keep your tuxedo.
00:04:34No, it's yours.
00:04:36A little souvenir.
00:04:37From me to you.
00:04:39You know what that means, souvenir?
00:04:41Yes.
00:04:41I think it means you are full of shit.
00:04:45Keep going to night school.
00:04:51Looking good today, sugar tits.
00:05:03Hello, Miss Taylor.
00:05:05It's Didi, isn't it?
00:05:07It's really great to meet you.
00:05:09Thank you for seeing me.
00:05:10But how could you miss me?
00:05:12I'm standing right in front of you.
00:05:16What I'm going to do for you today, Miss Taylor,
00:05:18is one of Hap's speeches from Arthur Miller's death of a salesman.
00:05:27You know, Biff, sometimes I want to just rip my clothes off in the middle of that store
00:05:34and outbox that goddamn merchandise manager.
00:05:36I mean, I can outbox, outrun, and outlift anybody in that store.
00:05:41And I have to take orders from those common, petty sons of bitches till I can't stand it anymore.
00:05:48You see, everybody around me is so false.
00:05:52I'm constantly lowering my ideals.
00:05:57Hello, Miss Taylor.
00:05:59It's Didi, isn't it?
00:06:00Here's what I'm telling you, you see?
00:06:02I don't know.
00:06:04This is, this is precious.
00:06:06You put it in.
00:06:08From one bottle.
00:06:12Where are the biker boys?
00:06:14All right, biker boys.
00:06:16Show me those abs.
00:06:18Okay.
00:06:19Flex, flex, flex, flex, flex.
00:06:21That's what we want.
00:06:22Beautiful, bright, chunky abs.
00:06:25Yes.
00:06:26All right.
00:06:27Oil the abs.
00:06:33I want a bow, a restrictor, or a python.
00:06:36Morning, ladies.
00:06:37Ten minutes.
00:06:37Morning.
00:06:38Let's go.
00:06:40I don't know, Mary.
00:06:42I'm sort of giving up on the whole human race.
00:06:46Why, honey?
00:06:47What's the matter?
00:06:49Everybody is so superficial.
00:06:52I am sick of it.
00:06:54I am sick of all this superficial bullshit.
00:06:58I'm a very spiritual person.
00:07:00Are you really?
00:07:02Oh, very spiritual.
00:07:04Have you seen The Little Mermaid?
00:07:06Of the cartoon?
00:07:08Oh, it's not just a cartoon, Mary.
00:07:11If you look just a little closer, you will find the spiritual message in every single one of Walt Disney's
00:07:17films.
00:07:19Could we please change this fucking music?
00:07:22Oh, sure, baby.
00:07:24What do you want to hear?
00:07:25Hole?
00:07:26Snoopy Dog Dog?
00:07:28I don't have any, anything.
00:07:29Okay, Christ.
00:07:30Douche would be better than this shit.
00:07:33It's depressing.
00:07:34Is douche good?
00:07:35Yeah.
00:07:36I'm not going to be able to work with this depressing shit on me.
00:07:39It's ten o'clock and I'm already depressed.
00:07:41I look depressed, don't I?
00:07:43No.
00:07:44No.
00:07:45You look beautiful.
00:07:47Beautiful.
00:08:05Hey, little baby.
00:08:07Hey, come here, sweet ass.
00:08:09Hey, what the hell's the matter with you?
00:08:11What?
00:08:11Don't what me.
00:08:12You know what I'm talking about.
00:08:14What if that was your granddaughter?
00:08:16Huh?
00:08:17You old fucking scumbag.
00:08:19Yeah, just leave me alone.
00:08:32Jesus.
00:08:37Excuse me.
00:08:39Do I know you?
00:08:40No, I don't think so.
00:08:43God, the way you smiled at me, I feel like I've known you my whole life.
00:08:47That's so sweet.
00:08:49Are you in a relationship?
00:08:52Yes, I am.
00:08:53You don't sound very happy about it.
00:08:56Well, I love my girlfriend very much.
00:08:58It's just that I don't think that she understands me in a real emotional or sexual way.
00:09:05Yeah, I sense that in you.
00:09:09You know, this is going to sound really crazy, but I feel like I've known you my whole life, too.
00:09:15Really?
00:09:16Yeah.
00:09:18And I'd like to give you a blowjob right now.
00:09:21Right now?
00:09:26All right, gentlemen, front and center, everyone pay attention.
00:09:31You've been divided into eight two-man squads.
00:09:33First man in pours the red wine.
00:09:36Second man in serves the finger food.
00:09:38And it is called finger food precisely because it is to be eaten with the fingers.
00:09:43No utensils.
00:09:44Any questions?
00:09:46Ernst, I have a question.
00:09:47Are you wearing a girdle?
00:09:48Because your ass looks incredible in those pants.
00:09:53No, I am not wearing a girdle, but you can be assured that if I catch any of you faggots
00:09:57looking at my ass, I'll fire the whole fucking lot of you.
00:10:01Hey, Ernst.
00:10:02We're not all gay here, you know.
00:10:05That, my dear straight friend, is your problem.
00:10:09To your stations.
00:10:18That, my friend, is your problem.
00:10:45What is your name?
00:10:46Joan, Joe Finnegan.
00:10:47Why, you did I hire you?
00:10:49Yes, you did.
00:10:49I was recommended by Bob.
00:10:50Never ever let the neck of the bottle touch the rim of the glass and smile, for God's sake.
00:10:55You look like you're at a fucking funeral.
00:11:03Oh, my balls are killing me.
00:11:16What?
00:11:45That model I was with last night.
00:11:47Get out of here.
00:11:47Passion Crest.
00:11:49Recurring character, Dirk Drake.
00:11:51I wouldn't do a soap.
00:11:53It's not even acting.
00:11:53$3,600 a week?
00:11:56Act that, you sorry broke-ass fucking waiter.
00:12:15I don't know.
00:12:21I don't know.
00:12:27I'm not seeing you.
00:12:28Oh, hey, come on.
00:12:31We'll get together.
00:12:32I'll give you a call sometime.
00:12:36Dirk Drake, huh?
00:12:37I don't know.
00:12:48I don't know.
00:12:57I don't know.
00:13:06I don't know.
00:13:32I don't know.
00:13:49I don't know.
00:13:54I don't know.
00:13:57I don't know.
00:14:04I don't know.
00:14:10I don't know.
00:14:26I don't know.
00:14:34I don't know.
00:14:35It's not my line.
00:14:36Oh, that's all right.
00:14:37Really.
00:14:37Really, it is.
00:14:39Joe, Joe, we have a little problem with your credits here.
00:14:43I mean, there's no TV, no commercials, no soaps.
00:14:46I'm not that interested in doing soap operas.
00:14:49Really?
00:14:51Why is that?
00:14:52Well, it's not even acting, is it?
00:14:54I mean, not the kind of acting that I want to do.
00:14:55It's a...
00:14:56I mean, it's fake.
00:14:58It's stupid.
00:14:58Well, it's clear that you and I have absolutely nothing to talk about.
00:15:02Goodbye.
00:15:03Excuse me, Miss Taylor.
00:15:04What did I say?
00:15:05Oh, Christ.
00:15:06What every other no name, no credit actor says when he comes through that door.
00:15:11I mean, who the hell do you think you are?
00:15:13Tom Cruise?
00:15:14Well, you're not.
00:15:15And believe me, you're stupid if you think that I would hire any actor who wasn't damn willing to work.
00:15:21Well, you misunderstood.
00:15:22I'm...
00:15:22This is a business.
00:15:23If you don't understand that, then you don't belong in it.
00:15:26Go away.
00:15:28You're right, Miss Taylor.
00:15:29This is a business.
00:15:30I understand that.
00:15:32I'm beginning to understand that.
00:15:35I didn't mean that I wouldn't work on a soap.
00:15:38If there was something that you thought I could do, of course I would do it.
00:15:41Really.
00:15:42I would love to work on a soap.
00:15:44How old are you?
00:15:4535.
00:15:4935.
00:15:51No credits.
00:15:53No agent.
00:15:55All right, let's get real, Joe.
00:15:59Have you got a bathing suit?
00:16:02I could get one.
00:16:03Good.
00:16:04There's a Madonna video coming up.
00:16:06Kind of a beach theme.
00:16:07You might be right for it.
00:16:09Unless, of course, you don't do music videos.
00:16:14Of course I do.
00:16:16That'd be great, Miss Taylor.
00:16:18Or is it Dee Dee?
00:16:19Thanks, Joe.
00:16:21I'll be in touch.
00:16:28Hey guys, come on back and see Siobhan, New York's hottest blonde.
00:16:33She's a college girl majoring in sexy, sexy, sexy.
00:16:37That's right.
00:16:38You there in the overcoat.
00:16:39Tell me, Curtis.
00:16:40This, um, college chick.
00:16:43Is she a real blonde?
00:16:44Oh, yeah.
00:16:45Beautiful.
00:16:46Sexy, sexy chick, man.
00:16:48Like Madonna.
00:16:49But blonde.
00:16:50Very blonde.
00:16:51All right.
00:16:52I'll take a buck's worth.
00:16:55Here you come.
00:16:56See that's the real thing.
00:16:57How about you other guys, huh?
00:16:59Now you want to see Siobhan?
00:17:00New York's hottest blonde.
00:17:02Alright, you're welcome.
00:17:06Ahhhh!
00:17:20Guys, let's have a p Colleen do a little.
00:17:24Where does he innovate?
00:17:30It's a little turmeric.
00:17:31Love this list good tea show.
00:17:33I love her, I love her, I love her, I love her.
00:17:35We love her too, don't we? Cassie will pee.
00:17:39Hey there, little Cassie.
00:17:40We don't call her Cassie, Joe.
00:17:42We have a strict rule, her whole name or no name at all.
00:17:46I'm sorry, that's a good rule.
00:17:47It's so great to see you guys.
00:17:50It's been too long.
00:17:51We've been absolutely crazed since Alam's show.
00:17:56Absolutely crazed.
00:17:57I'm in three galleries now.
00:17:59The paintings are selling so fast.
00:18:00I don't even have time to stretch a canvas.
00:18:04If you need a job, Joe, I could put you to work tomorrow.
00:18:07Why? Thanks, I got a job.
00:18:09You know, I don't think we've seen you since...
00:18:11Il Piano.
00:18:13Oh my God, I love that movie.
00:18:15Wasn't that a great movie?
00:18:17A great, great flick.
00:18:20One of the best, really.
00:18:22That movie was a piece of shit.
00:18:27Are you kidding?
00:18:29No, I'm not kidding.
00:18:31Come on, it was nothing but a glorified romance novel.
00:18:33Spirited, sensuous young woman leaves her uptight husband for the man of her dreams.
00:18:38A masculine but sensitive native with earrings and tattoos.
00:18:43I'm sorry, Joe, but I think it completely missed what this film was about.
00:18:48Oh, what was it about?
00:18:51Well, it was about a lot of things.
00:18:53It was about courage, freedom.
00:18:55It was about unrestricted, unconditional, primal love.
00:19:00Yeah, you're way off on this man.
00:19:03I'm just curious.
00:19:04Has anyone seen The Little Mermaid?
00:19:06Besides, it was only on every top ten list in the country.
00:19:10So what?
00:19:11What are those two gonna do for the rest of their lives?
00:19:14Stand around and stare at each other all loving and unconditional?
00:19:16Do you think that they'll ever have a real argument, the way that real people do?
00:19:20Do you think that she would ever say to him,
00:19:22Hey, Kimba, you know, I really love your masculine sensitivity,
00:19:25but you think that just once you could remember to lift the toilet seat before you take a piss?
00:19:30I completely agree with you.
00:19:32My boyfriend loved that movie so much, I broke up with him.
00:19:34Which movie?
00:19:35Il Piano.
00:19:36Yeah, well, what the hell was that movie all about?
00:19:39I liked it.
00:19:40You liked Harvey Keitel's ass.
00:19:41No, that's utterly untrue.
00:19:43I did not like that movie.
00:19:44But what else was there to like about?
00:19:45What are they talking about?
00:19:46Il Piano.
00:19:48Great photography.
00:19:49Well, that little girl bugged me.
00:19:50If I had a daughter like that, I'd kick her fucking ass.
00:19:53Yeah.
00:19:54Ask me something.
00:19:54You don't wait for me.
00:19:56Just answer.
00:19:57Well, as it should be.
00:19:58Who the hell wants to see a man nude?
00:20:00Who cares?
00:20:00I thought it was incredible.
00:20:02I cried through most of it.
00:20:05You did cry, and I was proud of you.
00:20:07I'm 18 plus.
00:20:08If they had offered you that car, you could have done that.
00:20:10You could have done that car.
00:20:14But you went on and on and on about it.
00:20:17I mean, it was a little embarrassing.
00:20:18Well, I just didn't feel like listening to him blab about his paintings all night.
00:20:23Did you hear that little dig about a job?
00:20:25What dig?
00:20:26That I could come work for him, stretching canvases.
00:20:30What do I look like, a fucking handyman?
00:20:33Joe, why are you so angry?
00:20:36Did your audition go badly?
00:20:38Is that it?
00:20:38No, actually, it went great.
00:20:40I really nailed the monologue.
00:20:42And afterward, she looked at my resume and said, you don't have any soaps on here.
00:20:46And I said, I know I don't.
00:20:47You want to know why?
00:20:48Because I don't consider that acting.
00:20:51You said that?
00:20:53Yep.
00:20:53And you know what?
00:20:54She may have something for me already.
00:20:55What?
00:20:56A Madonna video.
00:20:57Joe, that's fantastic.
00:21:00I mean, that could lead to something.
00:21:02And it's money, right?
00:21:03That's right, Mary.
00:21:04That's what I'm learning.
00:21:04It's a business.
00:21:05It's all a business.
00:21:07And guess what?
00:21:08I might take a self-defense class.
00:21:10Why?
00:21:11Well, Dr. Loiter said it might help me deal with my hostility.
00:21:15Your what?
00:21:16Uh, the assholes on the street.
00:21:19Oh, well, that's great.
00:21:21So that's what you guys talk about in there?
00:21:22That, other things.
00:21:24Why?
00:21:25Just curious.
00:21:29Bob got a job on his soap.
00:21:30He's not doing the catering anymore.
00:21:32He told me he met this blonde model.
00:21:35They went back to her place and had kinky sex all night.
00:21:38Is that what you'd like?
00:21:39Kinky sex with a blonde model?
00:21:42Well, she wouldn't necessarily have to be a model.
00:21:44What, I'm not kinky enough for you?
00:21:46I never said that.
00:21:48You implied it.
00:21:49I did not.
00:21:50I was simply telling you about what happened to Bob.
00:21:53Of course you're kinky.
00:21:55You're very kinky.
00:21:57Okay?
00:21:59So we both know that sometimes I have to...
00:22:02What?
00:22:04Well, you know.
00:22:05No.
00:22:06Initiate things.
00:22:08You do not.
00:22:08What about this morning?
00:22:09Well, actually, if you recall, I suggested that we make love,
00:22:13and your first response was no.
00:22:16Christ, I thought we had a pretty healthy sex life,
00:22:19and now you're telling me you're bored with me?
00:22:20Can we just hold on a second?
00:22:22The only thing that I'm suggesting
00:22:23is that perhaps we could be a little bit more spontaneous.
00:22:28How?
00:22:30Well, for one thing,
00:22:31by not having to wear a rubber all the time.
00:22:34I'm sorry, Joe.
00:22:35I don't want to get pregnant.
00:22:38It just seems a little bit odd to me
00:22:39that for somebody who's so against getting pregnant,
00:22:42you seem to be infatuated with babies.
00:22:45I mean, Christ, you were all over that little tapioca.
00:22:48Cassiopeia.
00:22:49And so what?
00:22:50I like babies.
00:22:52I just don't want to have one of my own.
00:22:56That's great.
00:22:58Why, do you want to have a baby?
00:23:00No.
00:23:04I'm not going to have a kid until we can afford it.
00:23:06What does money have to do with it?
00:23:08You don't have any.
00:23:09Other people have kids.
00:23:10How do they do it?
00:23:12Either they hire somebody,
00:23:13or one of them stays home and takes care of the baby.
00:23:15Are you going to do it?
00:23:18If you think I'm going to give up my career,
00:23:20you're crazy.
00:23:22What are we talking about this for?
00:23:25You brought it up.
00:23:26No, I didn't.
00:23:27I was talking about something completely different.
00:23:29Well, what were you talking about?
00:23:32Let's just drop it, okay?
00:23:36And now you're all pissed off.
00:23:38What makes you say that?
00:23:55Do you know that I never thought I'd see you again?
00:23:59I told you I'd call you, didn't I?
00:24:03Yes, but I thought maybe you didn't like me.
00:24:06Hey, what's not to like?
00:24:12Hey, kid, do you like my eyes?
00:24:16Mm-hmm.
00:24:17Do you like my body?
00:24:19Oh, yeah.
00:24:20Do you like my hair?
00:24:24Do you?
00:24:27What's the matter?
00:24:29Nothing.
00:24:30Oh, come on.
00:24:31What's the matter?
00:24:34Excuse me.
00:24:35Well, I don't...
00:24:35Wait.
00:24:37What's wrong?
00:24:38God damn it, I said nothing was wrong.
00:24:43There's a message.
00:24:44Did you hear this?
00:24:46No, it's probably for you.
00:24:49Hi, this is Madonna.
00:24:50It's Wednesday about 2.55.
00:24:52Sorry for calling so late.
00:24:54I'm trying to reach Joe Finnegan.
00:24:55Joe, can you please call me immediately at 555...
00:24:58Jesus fucking Christ.
00:25:01Do you really think it's her?
00:25:03Of course it's her.
00:25:04Who else would it be?
00:25:04She's probably calling about the video.
00:25:09You know, Joe, Madonna is an international superstore.
00:25:12I mean, I seriously doubt she's going to call you at home.
00:25:16At the very least, she'd have her assistant call, right?
00:25:19Mary, I've heard she gets personally involved in all of her projects.
00:25:23She probably saw my picture on the wall and said,
00:25:24Hey, maybe I'll feature Joe Finnegan in my video.
00:25:28All right.
00:25:29All right, we'll call her.
00:25:31Well, it's only 9 o'clock.
00:25:33She's probably still sleeping.
00:25:35Oh.
00:25:35Okay.
00:25:36I'm going then.
00:25:38Hey, call me if you reach her.
00:25:40Oh, I will.
00:25:41Bye.
00:26:09Hey, baby, come sit on my face.
00:26:11Oh, grow up, you stupid asshole.
00:26:13Get angry, baby.
00:26:14I like it.
00:26:15Makes my dick hard.
00:26:16See?
00:26:19Ah!
00:26:27Why do you say that shit, huh?
00:26:30Why?
00:26:31God, stop.
00:26:32Stop, please.
00:26:33No, I'm not going to fucking stop until you tell me why you say it.
00:26:36Do you think you're going to meet women this way?
00:26:38You think some woman is going to turn around and say,
00:26:41Hey, there's a fucking guy I'd like to go out with.
00:26:44No.
00:26:45No, I'm just a coward.
00:26:47A miserable fucking coward.
00:26:50Oh.
00:26:52Oh.
00:26:53Oh.
00:26:54Oh.
00:26:55Oh.
00:26:55Oh.
00:26:56Oh.
00:26:57Oh.
00:26:58Oh.
00:26:59Oh.
00:26:59Oh.
00:27:00Oh.
00:27:00Oh.
00:27:03Oh.
00:27:03Oh.
00:27:04Oh.
00:27:06Oh.
00:27:20Oh.
00:27:22Oh.
00:27:22Oh, hey.
00:27:23Mary.
00:27:24Oh, my God.
00:27:24What happened?
00:27:25I...
00:27:25Yesterday I went rollerblading with this guy I just met, and somehow I got too close
00:27:29to him and his elbow hit me in the eye.
00:27:31I know it was my fault.
00:27:32if you're really stupid.
00:27:33But can you cover it, please?
00:27:34Oh, my God.
00:27:35You cannot believe what I am going through
00:27:37with those freaking snakes.
00:27:38Oh, my God.
00:27:39Johnny Blair, I'm so sorry.
00:27:41It was an accident.
00:27:41Is it real?
00:27:42Yeah, it's real.
00:27:43Yes, Mary, you have to get rid of it.
00:27:45It's not the bruise.
00:27:46I can cover the bruise.
00:27:47The problem is the swelling.
00:27:49I mean...
00:27:49No, I've got to shoot today.
00:27:52I've booked those snakes a month in advance.
00:27:54Well, you're just going to have to shoot her
00:27:56with a black eye then.
00:27:57Oh, are you crazy?
00:28:03Darker, darker.
00:28:04The bruise is truth.
00:28:06You must never hide it.
00:28:07Yes.
00:28:08Bring in the serpents.
00:28:11Yes.
00:28:12Now wrap them around their legs.
00:28:16Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.
00:28:19Oh, my God.
00:28:20Oh, my God, that's it.
00:28:21Everybody clear.
00:28:22Everybody clear.
00:28:22Let's shoot.
00:28:23Let's shoot.
00:28:23Roses, right now.
00:28:26More.
00:28:31Yes.
00:28:32Oh, yes.
00:28:33Powerful.
00:28:34Powerful.
00:28:36No blame, Sarah.
00:28:37No blame, Kiki.
00:28:54No blame, Kiki.
00:28:57Pick that.
00:28:58Pick that.
00:28:59Go.
00:29:07Come on, Doc.
00:29:10Good morning.
00:29:11It's a little town near Buffalo.
00:29:14It's a Buffalo.
00:29:16I'd rather go to a TV or...
00:29:19What's that?
00:29:19Bob's rat's fine, but you've got to fly in there.
00:29:21We take the bus up.
00:29:22I don't want to.
00:29:24I don't mind.
00:29:25Joe.
00:29:27Alex, look, it's Joe.
00:29:28You're right.
00:29:29It is Joe.
00:29:31Hey there, buddy.
00:29:32What are you guys doing here?
00:29:33I'm on the board because the Met bought six of my paintings.
00:29:37Oh.
00:29:39You're getting it stretched all right, huh?
00:29:40This is so funny, Joe.
00:29:42You're working.
00:29:43Yeah.
00:29:43I've got to pay the bills.
00:29:45Great tuxedo, man.
00:29:47Thanks.
00:29:47It's secondhand.
00:29:48Hey, you know what?
00:29:49I'm doing a Madonna video tomorrow.
00:29:51I love Madonna.
00:29:52You know, we know her.
00:29:54Yeah, she called me.
00:29:55She wants me to do a special featured cameo or something.
00:29:57That is just like her.
00:30:01Tell her I said hi.
00:30:02I will.
00:30:03And tell Mary we should get together real soon.
00:30:11Excuse me, sir.
00:30:13Is there anything else I can get you?
00:30:14Perhaps some more whipped cream?
00:30:15No, thank you, Captain.
00:30:17Got to keep ship shape for all these fillies around here.
00:30:20You know what I mean?
00:30:21Aye, aye, Captain.
00:30:26What are you doing?
00:30:28He asked me about the strawberries, how they got so big.
00:30:30Never, never touch a guest.
00:30:33Never.
00:30:33I'm sorry, Ernst.
00:30:34Nobody told me.
00:30:35Okay, okay, just go, go, go, go, go, go, go, Tim, you fucking horse.
00:30:41Let's begin today by reviewing a few facts.
00:30:45Men are physically stronger than women.
00:30:48This is not a criticism of your gender, ladies.
00:30:50It is a fact.
00:30:52Fact.
00:30:52You, as women, are vulnerable.
00:30:56Vulnerable, but not helpless.
00:30:57This class will provide each and every one of you with a simple and effective means of self-defense
00:31:02in the event of a physical assault.
00:31:07In fact, there are other types of assault, verbal harassment on the streets, blatant groping
00:31:13and fondling in public places, all the behavioral tics that make men so irresistible.
00:31:19Now, my research has shown that these assaults can be equally damaging if the rage and the frustration that they
00:31:27arouse are not released.
00:31:29And to that end, I have developed a series of patented exercises designed to increase your RRQ.
00:31:37Class?
00:31:38Rage release quotient.
00:31:40Good.
00:31:41Uh, Sheila, why don't you come up to the front of the class, please?
00:31:51Now, remember, you can respond however you feel, okay?
00:31:54If you wish to scream, scream away.
00:31:57If you feel like striking me, go ahead and do so.
00:32:00Understand?
00:32:01I think so.
00:32:02All right.
00:32:03Let's begin.
00:32:05Looking good, sweet meat.
00:32:09Sweet meat, did you hear what I said?
00:32:13Yes.
00:32:14Do you like being called sweet meat?
00:32:17No.
00:32:18Does it make you angry?
00:32:20Yes.
00:32:21How angry?
00:32:24Very angry.
00:32:26Okay.
00:32:27How do you feel?
00:32:29Bitter.
00:32:30Good.
00:32:33Okay, Mary, come to the front, please.
00:32:39Okay, let's begin.
00:32:42Man, you got some sweet little ass on you, cupcake.
00:32:46Shut the fuck up!
00:32:48Let me take a nice little bite out of that sweet little ass cupcake.
00:33:07You okay?
00:33:09It was great.
00:33:10It was.
00:33:12I was like, he brought me up to the class, and he's telling me, you know, just go ahead and
00:33:16do whatever you feel like doing.
00:33:17I mean, it was just incredible.
00:33:19I started punching and swinging at him.
00:33:21I mean, I never knew it would feel this good to hit somebody, you know?
00:33:25That's great.
00:33:25I'm glad you enjoyed it.
00:33:27I did.
00:33:27I did.
00:33:28And this teacher is so fantastic.
00:33:30He said I have a really high RRQ.
00:33:32RRQ?
00:33:33Rage, release, question.
00:33:35He said I have the highest in the class.
00:33:39RRQ?
00:33:4199.3.
00:33:44Maybe I should take that class.
00:33:46You know, Alex and Raina were at that dinner tonight.
00:33:49Huh?
00:33:49They made a comment about my tuxedo, and I wanted to kill him.
00:33:52I felt like such an idiot standing there having them seeing me working as a waiter.
00:33:57Come on, Joe.
00:33:57It's what you do.
00:33:58It's not what I do.
00:34:00Okay, it's not what you do, but it's how you pay the rent.
00:34:03Huh?
00:34:04And there's nothing wrong with it.
00:34:05I mean, everybody has to work.
00:34:06Well, I'm sick of this shit.
00:34:08I feel like my life's going nowhere.
00:34:10Joe, your life is going somewhere.
00:34:13I mean, you did this great audition for Dee Dee Taylor.
00:34:16She immediately got you a job with pay.
00:34:19Did you ever get through to Madonna?
00:34:21No.
00:34:21No, I've been calling all day.
00:34:22It's a story of my life.
00:34:24Nobody's home.
00:34:25Oh.
00:34:26Come on, Joe.
00:34:29You just...
00:34:29You just gotta stick with it, you know?
00:34:31Well, I mean, you're a great actor.
00:34:38I know you're gonna make it.
00:34:40You really think so?
00:34:41Oh, yeah.
00:34:42I have no doubt.
00:34:46Mary, I don't know what I'd do without you.
00:34:50Me too, Joe.
00:34:59Hey, you feel like fooling around?
00:35:01I don't know.
00:35:02I'm not really in the mood.
00:35:04Come on, let's do it.
00:35:06I don't like it.
00:35:07It's kind of a big day tomorrow.
00:35:08I don't want to go in looking too tired.
00:35:10Come on.
00:35:12We're not building the pyramids here.
00:35:17I won't wear you out, I promise.
00:35:19Come on.
00:35:19Come on.
00:35:20I'm serious.
00:35:21Come on, stop.
00:35:25Jesus, you don't have to get all pissy.
00:35:27I'm not getting all pissy.
00:35:28I'm just...
00:35:30I'm not in the mood.
00:35:32Okay, fine.
00:35:34There aren't machines that you can turn off and on
00:35:36by the flick of a switch, you know?
00:35:38I get the point, Joe.
00:35:43Now you're angry?
00:35:45I'm not angry.
00:35:47Next time I'm not in the mood, don't give me any shit.
00:35:51Okay?
00:35:53Okay?
00:36:34More champagne, Dirk?
00:36:39I'm leaving, Deanna.
00:36:42Oh, please.
00:36:43Please don't leave me.
00:36:44I love you, Dirk.
00:36:45I love you.
00:36:47That means nothing to me now.
00:36:48But you said you loved me.
00:36:51I don't love you, Deanna.
00:36:53You're weak.
00:36:55You're helpless.
00:36:56And frankly, you bore me.
00:36:59Oh, please, Dirk.
00:37:00What do you want me to do?
00:37:02I want you to get out of my life.
00:37:12What's next, sis?
00:37:13Scene 11A, Deanna attempts suicide again.
00:37:17Ten minutes.
00:37:19Forgive me, Father.
00:37:20Hey, Bob.
00:37:21Hold up there, Wonder Muffin.
00:37:23Hey.
00:37:23What's up, Roy?
00:37:24Ratings are up another five.
00:37:27And you guys should give me another raise.
00:37:29Woo!
00:37:31Actually, we've got an entirely new contract for you, Bob.
00:37:34Five years exclusive, with Dirk Drake having his own A-level storyline, 20 minutes guaranteed
00:37:41screen time per episode.
00:37:44Script approval?
00:37:45That's a tall order, Bob.
00:37:48Oh.
00:37:50When you're on your knees, Roy, everything looks tall.
00:37:54Remember that, eh?
00:38:09What a piece of shit this script is.
00:38:13I can't believe I spent three years at the Royal Academy just so I could spew this fucking garbage.
00:38:19I'm a little busy, baby.
00:38:21Do you mind?
00:38:23What are you doing?
00:38:25Well, I'm working on my next suit.
00:38:27Oh.
00:38:28Oh, I see.
00:38:29You're preparing using Stanislavski's famous horoscope method.
00:38:34What's so funny?
00:38:35You.
00:38:36Oh, come on, Muffin.
00:38:38Take off your robe.
00:38:39No.
00:38:41What?
00:38:42You defy me, Deanna?
00:38:44I'll see you tonight, baby.
00:38:46Oh, but I'm ready right now, see?
00:38:48Yes, you are.
00:38:50You hold on to that little monster.
00:38:52Not too tightly remember what happened last time.
00:38:54Hey.
00:38:57That was a once-in-a-lifetime thing.
00:39:00I know it was, baby.
00:39:01I know it was a once-in-a-lifetime thing.
00:39:27This is Bob Latimer.
00:39:29Leave a message.
00:39:30Hi.
00:39:31It's me.
00:39:34Listen, I was thinking about our fight,
00:39:36and I know that you feel bad, and I feel bad.
00:39:40So I just wanted to call and tell you
00:39:42that I think we can work this out.
00:39:44If I said anything to upset you, I'm sorry.
00:39:48Really, I apologize.
00:39:52As the crap princess says in The Little Mermaid,
00:39:54I love you, and I want to see you,
00:39:57so please call me.
00:40:09Alpha, I want to show you now what to do in the event that you're attacked from behind.
00:40:14This is very important, okay?
00:40:16Does anybody want to volunteer?
00:40:19Mary?
00:40:20Come on.
00:40:21Okay, now, get behind me.
00:40:23Okay, now, I want you to wrap your arms around me as if you're going to attack me from behind.
00:40:28Okay?
00:40:28Go ahead.
00:40:31My hands are free, but it's going to be hard to pull these arms off, right?
00:40:35What's the next closest weapon?
00:40:37Teeth, right?
00:40:39Bite.
00:40:40At the same time, bring up that right leg and deliver a heel smash to the instep.
00:40:45So it's, ah, right?
00:40:47That heel smash will open up this leg, okay, and creating the space here in which I will
00:40:54deliver an elbow to the stomach, okay?
00:40:56Now, why don't you assume that position?
00:41:00Okay?
00:41:01Now, I'm going to grab you here.
00:41:04Now, give me the bite.
00:41:08Okay, and then the heel smash.
00:41:12Okay, that's going to open me up a little bit, and you're going to give me the...
00:41:16Very good.
00:41:17Okay, try it again.
00:41:19Okay.
00:41:22All right.
00:41:23That's exciting.
00:41:24Yeah.
00:41:24Yeah, that's great.
00:41:26Yeah.
00:41:27Excuse me.
00:41:27Thanks a lot.
00:41:29Very good.
00:41:29All right.
00:41:31Okay, later.
00:41:34Yeah, but what about age?
00:41:36Age was created in a laboratory by white Jewish scientists.
00:41:40It's a conspiracy with the FBI, basically, to annihilate the power of the black nation.
00:41:47This is going to blow your mind.
00:41:49You know the Holocaust?
00:41:51Never happened.
00:41:53Oh, man.
00:41:54What about all the stories in the pictures?
00:41:57Shit is fake.
00:41:58It's about as real as your hair.
00:42:01Now, come on, look at this shit.
00:42:02I read a book, page after page of proof, that said that the Jews made the whole Holocaust
00:42:08stuff.
00:42:08Shit never happened.
00:42:09Hey, you know, I think I read that same book.
00:42:12You remember the part about slavery in America?
00:42:14What part is that?
00:42:16Where the guy proves that all the African-Americans that came here in the 1600s actually wanted
00:42:20to come.
00:42:21In fact, most of them paid their own way.
00:42:24Hey, what the fuck are you talking about, man?
00:42:26No, it's true.
00:42:27They heard there were lots of jobs over here picking cotton, which they figured would lead
00:42:30to better jobs as muggers and crackheads.
00:42:33So they just all came rushing over here.
00:42:34Can you believe it?
00:42:36Slavery never existed.
00:42:40Man, that shit is not even a little bit funny.
00:42:44Well, it's at least as funny as what you said about the Holocaust, don't you think?
00:42:48How's this for funny, beach boy?
00:42:50Why don't you get your pill and get out of here?
00:42:52You're fucking fired.
00:42:57All right, everyone, back to one.
00:43:00I want silence.
00:43:01Don't play with the thing, y'all.
00:43:03There we go.
00:43:09Just give me a minute with you.
00:43:11I already told you it was the rubber.
00:43:14The rubber's off now.
00:43:17Damn right the rubber's off.
00:43:20Well.
00:43:23Hold on.
00:43:25What do you think I am, a machine?
00:43:30Hey, what are you doing?
00:43:33Come on, Kelly.
00:43:34Get back here.
00:43:36Get back in the bed.
00:43:38Listen, baby.
00:43:39I know these things happen sometimes.
00:43:42But I gotta know, can you do this or not?
00:43:44Because if you can't, I gotta get on the phone, make some calls, and find somebody who can.
00:43:51What's the matter, baby?
00:43:52I hurt your feelings.
00:43:54Actually, Kelly, you did hurt my feelings.
00:43:58Christ, I mean, I like you, right?
00:44:01You make me feel like I'm just a stiff piece of meat to you.
00:44:04Hmm.
00:44:04Well, not so stiff really, right?
00:44:08Just get the hell out of here.
00:44:10You think I'm gonna do this now after what you just said?
00:44:13You can't do it.
00:44:17Get on the bed.
00:44:18No.
00:44:19Get up!
00:44:21Get off!
00:44:21Get off!
00:44:23Get off!
00:44:23Get off!
00:44:24Get off!
00:44:27Fuck!
00:44:31See you on set, Dirk.
00:44:40So anybody need a ride, I'm going to head downtown.
00:44:42No thanks.
00:44:43Where are you going, man?
00:44:44Actually, I'm going downtown.
00:44:46Great.
00:44:46Anybody else need a ride downtown?
00:44:48I'm going up there.
00:44:49Okay.
00:44:53Big car, ladies.
00:44:55No takers?
00:45:01Car's awful.
00:45:02Bye.
00:45:08There you go.
00:45:09Oh, thank you.
00:45:20God damn it.
00:45:22Mary?
00:45:27Mary?
00:45:29Where is she?
00:45:31You know, Mary, I got to say, of all the women who've passed through my classes over the years,
00:45:36you are by far the most courageous and committed.
00:45:40Thanks, Chuck.
00:45:41You're a great teacher.
00:45:43I mean, everybody says so.
00:45:47Well, yes and no.
00:45:49I mean, you know, I mean, a teacher can only do so much.
00:45:55What does your boyfriend do?
00:45:59Oh, my God.
00:46:02What the hell?
00:46:07Jesus Christ.
00:46:11I'm leaving, Deanna.
00:46:13Oh, please.
00:46:15Please don't leave me.
00:46:16I love you, Dirk.
00:46:17I love you.
00:46:18That means nothing to me now.
00:46:21You said you loved me.
00:46:22I don't love you, Deanna.
00:46:25You're weak.
00:46:26You're helpless.
00:46:27And frankly, you're boring.
00:46:29Oh, please, Dirk.
00:46:31What do you want me to do?
00:46:33I want you to get out of my life.
00:46:35Oh, what's she going to do now?
00:46:39Huh?
00:46:40Try suicide again?
00:46:42Huh.
00:47:01Oh.
00:47:05Look like Bob on that TV.
00:47:09Wow.
00:47:10It is Bob.
00:47:12Look at that.
00:47:15And how long have you guys been together?
00:47:17Six years.
00:47:18Jump back.
00:47:19Wow.
00:47:21Like a real married couple here.
00:47:23I know.
00:47:24Wow.
00:47:24Uh, no.
00:47:25I don't think either one of us is very interested in marriage.
00:47:29Well, you know something?
00:47:30Your boyfriend is a very, very lucky guy.
00:48:05Oh, baby, what's the matter?
00:48:09Can I come in?
00:48:11Of course.
00:48:13Of course.
00:48:17Um, what's going on?
00:48:22What is it?
00:48:29I've been thinking a lot.
00:48:32I feel it's important, I tell you.
00:48:40What?
00:48:41Tell me what...
00:48:42Look, I don't mean, um...
00:48:45No, Bob, no, no, you haven't.
00:48:48Yes, I have.
00:48:49I have, all right.
00:48:52And I feel, um...
00:48:57I feel, um...
00:48:59What?
00:49:01What do you feel?
00:49:06Bob, baby.
00:49:18Oh, it's okay.
00:49:21Did they pay you?
00:49:22No, but for me, it was worth it.
00:49:25Oh, that's great, Joe.
00:49:26That's great.
00:49:27You get your first paying acting job ever, and you blow it all by making some stupid comment.
00:49:33That sounds worth it.
00:49:34I don't want to sound funny, Mary, but a lecture is the last thing that I need right now.
00:49:39Hey, Joe, do you think just once you could lift the toilet seat when you take a leak?
00:49:45What do you mean, just once?
00:49:47I always lift it.
00:49:48You never do it.
00:49:49Come here, look at this.
00:49:50There's piss all over the seat.
00:49:52There is not.
00:49:53Come look.
00:49:54I'm not going to go in there and look at a drop of piss on a toilet seat.
00:49:58You admit it.
00:49:59I do not.
00:50:00Would you get off my case?
00:50:01What's the matter with you?
00:50:02I'm not on your case.
00:50:05You're just in a bad mood because you know you did something stupid.
00:50:15What, you're going to bed?
00:50:19Well, it appears that way.
00:50:20Why, is there something on your mind?
00:50:22Well, it just struck me that we haven't made love for over a month.
00:50:25Well, it's not my fault.
00:50:27Well, it's not my fault.
00:50:30Joe, you have been very depressed lately.
00:50:32No, I haven't.
00:50:34You just told me yesterday you felt like your life was going nowhere.
00:50:37So?
00:50:38I can feel that way and not be depressed.
00:50:41Well, it's very hard on me dealing with your moods all the time.
00:50:45Well, it's very hard on me having to wear the rubber all the time.
00:50:47It's not all the time.
00:50:50It certainly seems like it.
00:50:52Fine, we won't use it.
00:50:53I'll just get pregnant.
00:50:54Is that what you want?
00:50:55Why is it that every time I say I don't want to use a rubber,
00:50:59you accuse me of wanting to get you pregnant?
00:51:02You said you wanted to have a baby.
00:51:04Not right now.
00:51:06When?
00:51:06Look, let's just stop this discussion right now.
00:51:10I'm in a bad mood.
00:51:11You're in a bad mood.
00:51:12We're stopping.
00:51:13I've stopped.
00:51:15You make some money and maybe we'll talk about having a kid.
00:51:21Why does it always have to come down to money with you?
00:51:25Because you don't have any.
00:51:26And let's face it, Joe, I know you're trying to make it as an actor, but you work as a
00:51:31waiter.
00:51:31You still don't even have an agent.
00:51:33I know I don't have an agent.
00:51:35You think I don't know that?
00:51:36Don't yell at me.
00:51:38Well, don't talk to me like I'm a fucking idiot.
00:51:40You think I like being broke all the time?
00:51:42You think I like wearing that cheap tuxedo, serving up salmon and greasy, cheesy sauce?
00:51:47You think I like kissing Dee Dee Taylor's ass so she can get me a job standing around in my
00:51:52bathing suit,
00:51:53which you bought?
00:51:55How do you think that makes me feel?
00:51:57Huh?
00:52:02Joe, I'm sorry, okay?
00:52:03I'm sorry.
00:52:04I didn't mean it.
00:52:05Okay?
00:52:06Come here.
00:52:08No.
00:52:09I know how hard it is on you, Joe.
00:52:14But it's hard on me, too.
00:52:15I feel like everything's on my shoulders.
00:52:19I feel like I'm all alone.
00:52:21I know.
00:52:24I've got to ask Ernst for more work.
00:52:26That's all there is to it.
00:52:29I've got to find some way to make some more money.
00:52:32Joe, come here.
00:52:42Joe, I love you whether you have money or not, okay?
00:52:45I don't want to argue with you.
00:52:47I came home tonight, and I really wanted to see you.
00:52:51Did you go ahead and have a drink after class?
00:52:53No.
00:52:54Class went a little later tonight, and I hopped in a cab and came home.
00:52:59You took a cab.
00:53:02Yeah, I just wanted to get home.
00:53:05That makes sense.
00:53:06I don't know.
00:53:07I don't know.
00:53:11No.
00:53:20No.
00:53:25No.
00:53:26No.
00:53:27No.
00:53:30No.
00:53:31No.
00:53:37Hey, Mary, look at this.
00:53:39Look at this woman's underwear.
00:53:40See how it's all sleek and lacy,
00:53:42how it accentuates every part of her body
00:53:44and presents it like a beautiful piece of candy?
00:53:47What's the matter?
00:53:48Nothing. I'm just listening.
00:53:49Well, you got a funny look on your face.
00:53:51Joe, I'm just waiting for you to make your point.
00:53:53Well, my point is, compare that to men's underwear,
00:53:55which is white, cotton, shapeless, essentially a diaper.
00:53:58What do you think that's saying?
00:54:00All men are babies?
00:54:02I'm trying to be serious here, Mary.
00:54:04I think this is an important statement
00:54:05about the relationship between men and women.
00:54:07Good. I think you should write a book about it,
00:54:10and then maybe you can tour the country
00:54:11lecturing at lingerie stores.
00:54:13Thanks a lot, Mary. That's very funny.
00:54:15I still need the rent.
00:54:17I'm picking my check up from Ernst today.
00:54:19I might be a little bit late tonight
00:54:21because I've got an audition.
00:54:23For what?
00:54:25Some movie.
00:54:26Dee Dee Taylor called me in.
00:54:28Well, good luck.
00:54:30So I guess we're still fighting, huh?
00:54:34I'm not fighting.
00:54:36What? No kiss goodbye?
00:54:49I had an abortion.
00:54:51So what?
00:54:53Dirk, how could you be so cruel?
00:54:56I'm not cruel, Deanna.
00:54:57I'm honest.
00:55:01And I know exactly what you are.
00:55:02I want to go.
00:55:03No, you don't.
00:55:04I want...
00:55:05You want me.
00:55:06That's what you want.
00:55:09Cut!
00:55:10Cut!
00:55:11Cut!
00:55:17What the fuck do you mean?
00:55:20Sis, be so kind as to tell him what the fuck I mean.
00:55:23Louder, Carl.
00:55:25Is that what you're saying?
00:55:26God fucking damn it.
00:55:28I'm coming down.
00:55:29God damn it.
00:55:31Shh.
00:55:32Shh.
00:55:33Jesus Christ.
00:55:37This is what I'm talking about.
00:55:41You grab her.
00:55:43Like this.
00:55:44Hard.
00:55:45She feels it.
00:55:46You feel it.
00:55:47She's turned on.
00:55:49She's like a hunted animal.
00:55:51Suddenly you pull her to you like this.
00:55:54Oh, I like that.
00:55:55Rip her blouse.
00:55:57Wardrobe.
00:55:57Let her know that it's sex right now, whether she wants it or not.
00:56:03Okay, Shakespeare, go nuts.
00:56:09And...
00:56:11Action.
00:56:12I had an erection.
00:56:17I mean abortion.
00:56:19Abortion.
00:56:21All right, all right.
00:56:22Come on, Bob.
00:56:23I said action.
00:56:27Action!
00:56:29What the fuck's wrong with it?
00:56:31Oh, bloody Christ.
00:56:37I'm off the show, Roy.
00:56:40No contract.
00:56:42No nothing.
00:56:42Party's over.
00:56:43That's it.
00:56:44Bob, Bob, Bob.
00:56:46You're making way too much out of this, man.
00:56:48You just got a little jammed up.
00:56:50That's all.
00:56:50It happens to everybody.
00:56:51No.
00:56:52We've got a big, big problem here.
00:56:54And I can tell you exactly where it is.
00:56:56All right.
00:56:56It's Carl.
00:56:57Right?
00:56:58You want a new director?
00:56:59No.
00:57:00It is Dirk and Deanna.
00:57:01Their story is stalled.
00:57:03They keep going in circles, saying the same things over and over.
00:57:08They're not real.
00:57:09There's no movement.
00:57:10No development.
00:57:11All right.
00:57:12Okay.
00:57:12You want development?
00:57:13No problem.
00:57:14Here we go.
00:57:15Okay.
00:57:16They, uh, they get married.
00:57:20Right?
00:57:21So we do the whole ceremony and the wedding night.
00:57:25Hot tub, baby oil.
00:57:29You with me?
00:57:30See?
00:57:30See?
00:57:31You want development?
00:57:32You got it.
00:57:33You see, I'd go in exactly the opposite direction.
00:57:37Think about this, Roy.
00:57:39The next time Deanna attempts suicide, it works.
00:57:47That would be funny.
00:57:49Christ, she talks about it enough.
00:57:52Every single episode.
00:57:56She kills herself?
00:57:59She kills herself.
00:58:05She kills herself.
00:58:07She kills herself.
00:58:13God.
00:58:14I can't believe how simple that was.
00:58:17Hey.
00:58:17Hey, good idea, Roy.
00:58:21Thanks for thinking about it.
00:58:22Hey?
00:58:23I mean it.
00:58:32Clean press hangers.
00:58:34No, boss.
00:58:35Oh.
00:58:36You're the best, Chang.
00:58:37Well, I know it.
00:58:38Here.
00:58:39I've got something for you.
00:58:43Oh, no.
00:58:44My old tuxedo.
00:58:45Mr. Bob.
00:58:47Come on.
00:58:48I told you I was going to give it to you.
00:58:49Just take it, will you?
00:58:51Will you sign?
00:58:52What?
00:58:53Your name.
00:58:54Sign your name here.
00:58:56Chang, I'm not going to sign a fucking tuxedo.
00:58:58Oh, yes, Mr. Bob.
00:59:00You will sign.
00:59:01Souvenir.
00:59:02Remember?
00:59:06Hey, Bob.
00:59:09Hey, hey.
00:59:09Hey.
00:59:11Look at you.
00:59:12Look at this.
00:59:13Look at this.
00:59:13How are you?
00:59:15How are you, man?
00:59:16I'm great.
00:59:16Hey, did you get my message, man?
00:59:18You never fucking called me, you bastard.
00:59:20I was going to call you, but I've been so busy with this goddamn soap.
00:59:23Oh, yeah.
00:59:24It's going pretty well, huh?
00:59:25You can't complain, yeah.
00:59:26Just signed a five-year contract today.
00:59:28That's great.
00:59:29Yeah.
00:59:29Five years.
00:59:30What about you?
00:59:31Still doing the catering?
00:59:32Oh, yeah, yeah.
00:59:33I'm picking up my tux right now.
00:59:35And, uh, check it out.
00:59:41What's that?
00:59:41I did a Madonna video.
00:59:43Yeah.
00:59:44She called me at home.
00:59:46I've been trying to call her back, but I haven't been able to get through, you know?
00:59:51What?
00:59:52What, you don't believe me?
00:59:53Come over to my house.
00:59:54Come over right now.
00:59:55Come on.
00:59:56Let's go over to my house.
00:59:57I'll play the message for you.
00:59:57I saved the tape.
00:59:58Come on, I'll play it for you.
00:59:59Hey, that was this...
01:00:01There was this chick I know.
01:00:02She does a great Madonna imitation.
01:00:04I said, hey, call my buddy Joe.
01:00:07Say you're Madonna.
01:00:08Leave a fake number.
01:00:09I didn't think she was going to do it.
01:00:14That was you?
01:00:15Yeah.
01:00:17Hey, I'm sorry.
01:00:18I thought you'd get a kick out of it.
01:00:20I mean, I'm really sorry.
01:00:22No.
01:00:22We should get together sometime.
01:00:24Yeah.
01:00:25Yeah, definitely.
01:00:25Come on, let's get together.
01:00:26All right, I'll give you a call.
01:00:28Hey, you look good, man.
01:00:29Hey.
01:00:30Likewise.
01:00:33Hey.
01:00:34I might be getting married.
01:00:38Have you been back to class since then?
01:00:40Well, yeah.
01:00:41But I can barely look at him.
01:00:43I'm still so furious.
01:00:45Mary, I'm wondering if this enormous anger
01:00:50you have toward Doug is not somewhat misplaced.
01:00:53What do you mean?
01:00:54Well, should he be so harshly condemned
01:00:57simply for finding you sexually desirable?
01:01:01Well, should I be grateful to him for wanting to kiss me?
01:01:04Is that what you're saying?
01:01:06Mary, I know this is a sensitive subject for you,
01:01:10but please try to remember I'm on your side.
01:01:15I believe that you do indeed have some difficulty
01:01:19in accepting yourself as a beautiful,
01:01:22sexually desirable young woman.
01:01:24Dr. Loiter, would you please stop saying that?
01:01:27Why?
01:01:28Well, honestly, it's just a little weird
01:01:32hearing it from my therapist, that's all.
01:01:33Yes, I am your therapist, Mary, but I am also a man.
01:01:38And I would be lying to you
01:01:39if I said that I didn't have impulses as both.
01:01:42Do you think my lying to you would be beneficial?
01:01:45No.
01:01:46In truth, I've entertained sexual thoughts about you
01:01:49many times during our meetings.
01:01:51Dr. Loiter...
01:01:52Let me finish, please.
01:01:54Okay.
01:01:55In fact, just a moment ago while you were speaking,
01:01:57and while I was utterly and professionally engaged
01:02:01in what you were saying,
01:02:05part of me was imagining what your breasts would feel like,
01:02:09naked, in my hands.
01:02:14I think I'd better leave.
01:02:17Mary, sit down, please.
01:02:19Mary, please.
01:02:21It is imperative that you confront this issue.
01:02:25Mary.
01:02:27Mary.
01:02:36What the fuck?
01:02:36What, are you guys friends all over?
01:02:37Yeah, I can happen to have friends, as a matter of fact.
01:02:40I am not your fucking dog.
01:02:44Hey.
01:02:45Oh, my God.
01:02:45Look, I'm not gonna fucking tell you again.
01:02:47Hey.
01:02:48You see what you made me do?
01:02:49Take it easy.
01:02:50Listen to me.
01:02:51You don't have to hit her.
01:02:51Who the fuck?
01:02:52Shut the fuck up.
01:02:55I'm an asshole, huh?
01:02:56You're an asshole, pal.
01:02:57Yeah, I'm an asshole.
01:02:59Oh, my God.
01:02:59You wanna get shot, motherfucker, huh?
01:03:01Have a fuck face, you wanna get shot?
01:03:02Go ahead.
01:03:03Shoot me.
01:03:03I'm gonna get your fucking brain through.
01:03:04Go ahead.
01:03:05Go ahead.
01:03:05Do it.
01:03:05You fucking shoot me.
01:03:06Go ahead.
01:03:07Shoot the whole fucking world.
01:03:08We don't care.
01:03:09Go ahead.
01:03:15Lisa!
01:03:16Come on, baby.
01:03:18I'm sorry.
01:03:33Excuse me, Ernest.
01:03:35What is it?
01:03:36You're probably gonna want to fire me, but somehow I have lost my bow tie.
01:03:42Jesus.
01:03:44Mary Josephine Moses.
01:03:46I've looked everywhere for it.
01:03:48It must have fallen out of my bag.
01:03:49And I, well, I know you're really short tonight, and I feel terrible.
01:03:59Come here, Joe.
01:04:15This is called a four-in-hand.
01:04:17Do you know how to tie it?
01:04:20No, sir.
01:04:21Mine was a clip-on.
01:04:23Are you on it for the lunch tomorrow?
01:04:25No, I wasn't told.
01:04:28Put it in your book.
01:04:30Thank you, Ernest.
01:04:31I'll make sure I have my own tie.
01:04:34Keep this one.
01:04:36Looks better on you.
01:04:49And hit.
01:04:51And hit.
01:04:52And hit.
01:04:52Okay.
01:04:54We've got about a minute left.
01:04:56Chantal, why don't you come up to the front?
01:04:58Doug, could someone else go?
01:04:59I don't feel that good today.
01:05:01Well, Chantal, I mean, our Q is one of the lowest in the class.
01:05:06I really feel right now, if we go for it, we can probably bring you up 25 points.
01:05:09What do you say?
01:05:10Come on.
01:05:11Good.
01:05:15Okay, now, just relax.
01:05:18Come on, big mama.
01:05:20I got something for you right here, big mama.
01:05:24It's all yours, big mama.
01:05:25Come on.
01:05:26Come on.
01:05:27Okay, okay, okay.
01:05:29It's all right.
01:05:30You all right?
01:05:31It's okay.
01:05:35Class, remember tears, an entirely appropriate response.
01:05:40Okay?
01:05:42Mary, why don't you come up?
01:05:48How have you been?
01:05:50Good.
01:05:51You seem a little upset about something.
01:05:54You okay?
01:05:54Never better.
01:05:57So, why don't you turn around and show me that sweet little cupcake-ass of yours.
01:06:03Come on.
01:06:13I need to the boy!
01:06:34I had an abortion.
01:06:37So what?
01:06:38Dirk, how can you be so cruel?
01:06:40I'm not cruel, Diana.
01:06:42I'm honest.
01:06:43And here.
01:06:45I brought you something.
01:06:48I love you.
01:06:50I love you, Dirk.
01:06:56Goodbye.
01:06:58Oh, my God.
01:07:00She finally did it.
01:07:12Shit.
01:07:20Hi.
01:07:21Joe Finnegan.
01:07:21I have a 745.
01:07:24They just took the 8 o'clock.
01:07:28All right.
01:07:29You're going to have to wait.
01:07:30Give me the gun, Scully!
01:07:32Okay?
01:07:33Bye.
01:07:33I love you, Nick.
01:07:35I love you, Nick.
01:07:35I love you, I love you, Nick.
01:07:37I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love
01:07:42you, I love you.
01:07:57Hi, Mary, it's Sahara.
01:07:59You're not going to believe this, but I think I'm getting married.
01:08:02I know it's crazy, but I'm in love.
01:08:05Okay, give me a call.
01:08:06Okay, bye.
01:08:08Joe and Mary, quite contrary.
01:08:10Some might call them adversaries.
01:08:14Nonetheless, I must confess, she's the one I love the best.
01:08:19I'll see you tonight.
01:08:23Thanks, man.
01:08:24Great script.
01:08:25Really good.
01:08:26All right, we'll talk to you, all right?
01:08:26Thanks, baby.
01:08:27Big kiss, big one.
01:08:29See you, Larry.
01:08:30See you, Larry.
01:08:32Great to see you, Lawrence.
01:08:34Next, please.
01:08:36Finnegan?
01:08:39All right, now, Devin, I've got one more here.
01:08:41Who's this guy?
01:08:42I know.
01:08:43This is Joe Finnegan.
01:08:45I told you I thought you should see.
01:08:46I'd like two white wines and a Bloody Mary.
01:08:49Frankly, pal, so would I.
01:08:51Joe, why are you wearing a tuxedo?
01:08:53Sorry, Miss Taylor, I just got off work.
01:08:54I didn't have time to change.
01:08:56Joe, most of these parts are already cast.
01:08:58But since you are the last one, we are going to let you read the Nick and Shelley scene.
01:09:06All right, now that is Tina.
01:09:07Tina, she's going to be reading with you.
01:09:12I know you.
01:09:14The Madonna video.
01:09:17Don't you remember?
01:09:18You thought I really was Madonna.
01:09:20Oh, my God.
01:09:20You look completely different.
01:09:22You changed your hair.
01:09:24Yeah, I'm back to my real color.
01:09:26Okay, okay.
01:09:28It's fairly simple.
01:09:29You are a serial killer.
01:09:31A very sexy serial killer.
01:09:34She thinks that you love killing more than you love her.
01:09:38So she grabs the gun that you have just used to kill her father and mother and sister and brother.
01:09:44I still, I really don't think the brother, it's too much.
01:09:48No, you need the brother.
01:09:49He's symbolic.
01:09:49Would you two, please, just mind saving this?
01:09:53I will make this decision.
01:09:55All right?
01:09:57Anytime you're ready.
01:09:59I love you, Shelley.
01:10:01Give me the gun.
01:10:02No.
01:10:03Give it to me.
01:10:04You don't love me.
01:10:05I do.
01:10:06Tell me one thing that you love about me.
01:10:09Tell me.
01:10:11I love your hair.
01:10:15I love your breath.
01:10:17Your skin, your eyes.
01:10:19I love your smile.
01:10:20Your touch.
01:10:22I love the way you fall asleep at night.
01:10:26Holding my finger.
01:10:29Please.
01:10:32Please.
01:10:34Give me the gun.
01:10:41Changed some of the lines there, Joe.
01:10:44I'm sorry, I got a little lost.
01:10:46Thanks.
01:10:46No, no, no, no, wait, wait, wait.
01:10:51We'll just ask, of course.
01:10:52I'll find out.
01:10:54Joe, we'd like to see something else.
01:10:58Something, um, with a little different tone.
01:11:01Right now?
01:11:02Anything you want, Joe.
01:11:03Uh, we just want to get some idea of, uh, your reign.
01:11:06Do you have anything, Joe?
01:11:14You know, Biff, sometimes I just want to rip my clothes off in the middle of that store and outbox
01:11:23that goddamn merchandise manager.
01:11:33I mean, I can outbox, outrun, and outlift anybody in that store.
01:11:43And still, I have to take orders from those common petty sons of bitches till I can't stand it anymore.
01:11:56You see, Biff, everybody around me is so false.
01:12:06I'm constantly lowering my ideals.
01:12:13Oh, my God.
01:12:15Oh.
01:12:18Ah.
01:12:20You see?
01:12:21I told you my instincts were never wrong.
01:12:22That was very good, Joe.
01:12:24Very, very good.
01:12:25Bravo.
01:12:44Hey, I just got a part in a movie.
01:12:48I still can't believe it.
01:12:50My first part in a movie.
01:12:52They all loved you, Joe.
01:12:54You were so great.
01:12:55I was great.
01:12:56Well, you know, you were great.
01:12:58I mean, I don't know why you're not acting in it.
01:12:59No, I'm not an actress, Joe.
01:13:01I know that now.
01:13:03What about standing in for Madonna?
01:13:06Blonde, black, back to blonde.
01:13:09My hair couldn't take it anymore.
01:13:11I think your hair looks great this way.
01:13:14Yeah.
01:13:16I think it looks great.
01:13:19I think it looks great.
01:13:22I wanted to do that all night.
01:13:27Hey, I just got a part in a movie.
01:13:29That's incredible.
01:13:34A friend of mine told me about this place.
01:13:37You see all these waitresses?
01:13:39They're all models.
01:13:41All of them.
01:13:41High-class models.
01:13:48You were so sexy, Joe.
01:13:50Joe, I want you right now.
01:13:53Tina, I want you too.
01:13:56When you said those things you loved about me,
01:13:58it felt like you really meant it.
01:14:00Like you were really talking to me.
01:14:04Wow, this is crazy.
01:14:05I know.
01:14:06This is crazy.
01:14:06Let's go back to my place.
01:14:09Oh, boy, I'd really like to, but I...
01:14:11I like you too, Joe.
01:14:13No, no.
01:14:13I mean, I gotta go.
01:14:15You gotta go?
01:14:16I'm sorry, Tina.
01:14:18I...
01:14:18You be all right?
01:14:20Yeah.
01:14:22Yeah, I'm gonna be all right.
01:14:28It's good to see you again, Joe.
01:14:30You too, Tina.
01:14:34Yeah.
01:14:55I got the part.
01:14:57I got the part.
01:15:04Did you?
01:15:04All right.
01:15:05Joe.
01:15:06Joe.
01:15:07Joe.
01:15:09Do I have a sexual problem?
01:15:11Are you crazy?
01:15:13Dr. Loiter said I had a sexual problem
01:15:15because I didn't want to hear his fantasies about me.
01:15:18What fantasies?
01:15:19He said he was a man
01:15:20and wondered what my breasts would feel like
01:15:22naked in his hands.
01:15:24Well, I'm a man,
01:15:25and he's gonna wonder what my fist feels like
01:15:27naked in his face.
01:15:29Joe.
01:15:31You don't think I have a sexual problem?
01:15:33Hell no.
01:15:35But even you said I wasn't spontaneous.
01:15:41Well, did I?
01:15:43Oh.
01:15:44Come on, Mary.
01:15:46I meant both of us.
01:15:49You're still attracted to me?
01:15:50Of course I am.
01:15:52We haven't made love in over two months.
01:15:55I know that.
01:15:57You kidding?
01:15:57I'm very aware of that.
01:16:00Maybe you're not attracted to me.
01:16:02How can you say that?
01:16:04Maybe you're attracted to guys
01:16:06like your self-defense teacher
01:16:07and his big fancy BMW.
01:16:10Joe.
01:16:11I am very attracted to you.
01:16:16I'm very, very, very attracted to you, Mary.
01:16:23You are incredible.
01:16:24Hey.
01:16:25What about you?
01:16:26A little rabbit?
01:16:28A little sex rabbit?
01:16:31Carrot boy.
01:16:36Oh.
01:16:37Hey, how did you know my teacher had a BMW?
01:16:40Does he?
01:16:41Yeah.
01:16:46Lucky guess.
01:16:48Sorry about the rubber.
01:16:50Think we'll be okay?
01:16:53I don't know.
01:16:56I hope so.
01:17:37Good morning.
01:17:39How do you like your eggs, baby?
01:17:43Over easy.
01:17:44Alrighty.
01:17:45Over easy it is.
01:17:46Everything is going to be easy from here on out.
01:17:49And you know what I've decided?
01:17:51For the wedding, I'm going to go back to my real color.
01:17:56Brunette again.
01:17:57I haven't been a brunette in years.
01:17:58I don't know how long.
01:18:02Besides, it's the real me anyway.
01:18:05And who more would you want than the real me?
01:18:08Right, Barbara?
01:18:09Nothing more than just absolutely me.
01:18:11I feel so comfortable with you.
01:18:12I'm so just kind of cool.
01:18:14I'm so excited about this wedding.
01:18:16I'm getting to the wedding.
01:18:50I'm so excited about this wedding.
01:18:56I'm so excited about this wedding.
01:18:56Come one, get to the wedding.
01:18:59Go go back and break.
01:19:02It's a new wedding.
01:19:02I'm getting all you right now.
01:19:02I'm talking about this wedding.
01:19:07is getting to the wedding I'll be running back for now?
01:19:07I'll be friends with you.
01:19:07I'm getting to the wedding.
01:19:07I'll be working on the wedding.
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