- 20 hours ago
Big Foot Burgers
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TVTranscript
00:00:10i am standing here live at the edge of the blaze line of the mount baldy rest area with
00:00:15firefighters who have been up all night fighting a never-ending battle against what is now called
00:00:20the furnace creek fire since then the crowds have evacuated with fear of being trapped in the wall
00:00:26of never-ending flames that is everyone except mrs thornton whose daughter got separated shortly
00:00:33after the fire started mrs thornton can you tell us what happened my husband and i set up camp at
00:00:41the
00:00:41edge of the creek when we woke up around midnight to the smell of the approaching fire we immediately
00:00:46got up and looked to see the flames moving swiftly in our direction my husband woke up our daughter
00:00:50scooped her up in his arms and we darted through the flames towards our vehicle we didn't even have
00:00:55trying to pack up it was that sudden is that when you got separated yes we were almost at our
00:01:00jeep
00:01:00when this burning branch just fell at my feet it separated us from our little girl
00:01:07and then what happened my husband immediately tried to jump over the flames his pants got fire
00:01:13while extinguished the flames off my husband's pants we waited for just a little bit hoping she'd find
00:01:18your way back but we just keep hoping against hope that a miracle will happen
00:01:23then
00:01:23you
00:01:30Oh, no!
00:01:41Faith!
00:01:43Mommy, Mommy!
00:01:45Oh, my God, people!
00:01:47Rich! Get this, get this!
00:01:52Not then, him!
00:02:02I guess I'm having it their way.
00:02:30Out in the woods, where the wild things roam, there's a legend of a burger not made at home.
00:02:38A giant patty, as big as a tree.
00:02:42The Bigfoot burger, come take a bite with me.
00:02:46It's got the sauce, it's got the cheese.
00:02:49You can't find it unless you believe.
00:02:53It's not a myth.
00:02:55It's not a dream.
00:02:57Just a burger that's bigger than you've ever seen.
00:03:02Bigfoot burger, what a sight.
00:03:06A giant feast that'll last all night.
00:03:10Lettuce, pickles, and a bun so tall.
00:03:14One bite and you'll have it all.
00:03:18Bigfoot burger, it tastes so rare.
00:03:22Found in the woods, but it's everywhere.
00:03:25Hey!
00:03:26Ha!
00:03:33The grill is fizzling, time to celebrate.
00:03:37A burger so big can't fit in your plate.
00:03:41They say Bigfoot made it with hands so wide.
00:03:45Now every hungry soul's gotta come for a ride.
00:03:49It's got the spice, it's got the crunch.
00:03:53A mountain of flavor in every punch.
00:03:57Bigfoot's secret is in that grill.
00:04:01One bite and you'll be chasing the thrill.
00:04:04Bigfoot burger, look what a sight.
00:04:08A giant feast that'll last all night.
00:04:13Lettuce, pickles, and a bun so tall.
00:04:16One bite and you'll have it all.
00:04:21Bigfoot burger, a taste so rare.
00:04:25Found in the woods, but it's everywhere.
00:04:28Is it real, or is it fake?
00:04:32One piece for sure.
00:04:34Hey Gordon Ramsay, you got my tuna sandwich or what?
00:04:36Hang on, hang on.
00:04:38I'm back here making Sasquatch stew and slapping together
00:04:40sandwiches like a madman.
00:04:41Give a guy a break, huh?
00:04:43Well it's not like you gotta go catch the fish first.
00:04:45Just open a can of tuna and mix it with some mayo.
00:04:47Look, gorgeous.
00:04:49You know I love you, but I'm alone back here.
00:04:51I can't handle the volume.
00:04:53The boss needs to hire a new line cook.
00:04:54In the meantime, if it's so easy, why don't you
00:04:57make the dang tuna sandwiches yourself?
00:04:59Okay, I will.
00:05:00Give me a pair of gloves.
00:05:01Help yourself.
00:05:02Bigfoot burger, a taste so rare.
00:05:04Found in the woods, but it's everywhere.
00:05:10Bigfoot burger, what a taste so rare.
00:05:13Voila.
00:05:14Now watch my sandwich making skills.
00:05:16Oh baby, I'm watching.
00:05:18I'm watching real good.
00:05:19Lettuce, pickles, and a bun so tall.
00:05:23One bite and you'll have it all.
00:05:28Bigfoot burger, a taste so rare.
00:05:32Found in the woods, but it's everywhere.
00:05:36Bigfoot burger, what a sight.
00:05:40Oh, what a sight.
00:05:41A giant feast that'll last all night.
00:05:46Lettuce, pickles, and a bun so tall.
00:05:47Done.
00:05:48Not bad, not bad.
00:05:50I think you should come back here
00:05:51and make all the sandwiches from now on, actually.
00:05:53Maybe I will.
00:05:55Bigfoot burger, what a sight.
00:05:57Woo!
00:06:02Cheese!
00:06:03We're happy that the restaurant is so busy,
00:06:05but it's much too busy for three waitresses.
00:06:07Where's the boss?
00:06:08We need to tell them to hire more staff.
00:06:10Move!
00:06:11This nigga needs a truck!
00:06:13Boss man!
00:06:14Hey, boss man!
00:06:15Be back there!
00:06:17We need more staff!
00:06:20Boss, we're thrilled that the restaurant is popping like this,
00:06:23but every day it just keeps getting more and more unmanageable.
00:06:28Yeah, we just can't keep up.
00:06:29It's only noon and I'm already pumped.
00:06:32And I have to work the night shift,
00:06:33and we have a party of 25 booked at 9 p.m.
00:06:39Look, I love making 300 bucks before noon,
00:06:42but at this rate, I'm gonna collapse!
00:06:45I haven't had a day off in three weeks!
00:06:51Oh, no!
00:06:52No!
00:06:58Ladies and germs, in a preposterous turn of events,
00:07:02Bigfoot is making headlines and raking in a whole new kind of big business.
00:07:06That's right, folks.
00:07:08Our beloved elusive giant has stepped out of the forest and into the limelight.
00:07:13It's been reported that Bigfoot has opened a restaurant.
00:07:16Yes, you heard it correctly.
00:07:18The once mysterious creature is now the talk of the town, and everyone seems to be celebrating.
00:07:25Their burger joint, affectionately named Bigfoot Burgers, is taking the culinary world by storm.
00:07:32I mean, who wouldn't want to sink their teeth into a burger with a dash of animal savagery, right?
00:07:37So, there you have it, folks.
00:07:40Bigfoot is the new sensation, and it seems that everyone, from forest lichen enthusiasts to premeditated foodies,
00:07:47is falling head over heels for the primordial legend we all thought we knew.
00:07:52Stay tuned for more updates on this utterly big news.
00:07:55Being from Beverly Hills, what do you think all the commotion is surrounding Bigfoot Burgers?
00:08:02Oh, my goodness, it's not just the fact that Bigfoot's Burgers are just the most delectable hamburgers I've ever eaten.
00:08:09Toodles loves them, too.
00:08:11Oh, Toodles, you little shitball.
00:08:14I'm off the nerve.
00:08:16Bill, wait, wait, wait, we have one more, one more.
00:08:18Sir, what do you think all the hype is around Bigfoot Burgers?
00:08:23Is this thing on?
00:08:24Yeah, we're on Channel 6 Live News.
00:08:26Oh, um...
00:08:27So, who are you?
00:08:29Hi, I'm Mick Mill, attorney of law.
00:08:31Are you a landlord that can't seem to get rid of some deadbeat derelicts?
00:08:34Do you have crackers, junkheads, and hookers playing poker for food stamp cards on your front porch?
00:08:38Well, today's your lucky day, because I'm Mick Mill, eviction attorney of law,
00:08:41and I specialize in deadbeat derelicts.
00:08:44Yeah!
00:08:44Now, sir, ma'am, I mean, ladies, what makes you two so gaga about these Bigfoot Burgers?
00:08:52I didn't even think I liked girls, but I agreed to go on a date with her,
00:08:56because she promised to take me to Bigfoot's Burgers and Babes,
00:08:59and that date changed everything.
00:09:02Now we're married.
00:09:04Those burgers, oh, they just stirred up something inside me,
00:09:08and I realized what a sexually frustrated and bitter single Los Angeles-based heterosexual woman I was.
00:09:14And now I'm a happily married lesbian.
00:09:18Thanks, Bigfoot.
00:09:20Now, sir, what is it about these burgers that'll make you wait in line for hours just to get in?
00:09:26Ooh, honey, now these are some burgers.
00:09:29I can't stand those big-breasted waitresses, but these burgers are so good,
00:09:34I just close my eyes and say, give me the meat!
00:09:36Oh.
00:09:39Hi, I'm Laila Lullaby here live from Hollywood Boulevard with Margarita Fernandez from Mexico City.
00:09:46So, why are you so obsessed with Bigfoot Burgers?
00:09:51What did you say?
00:09:53Because you like Bigfoot Burgers.
00:09:57Well, I've never tried a hamburger in my life, but once I tried Bigfoot Burgers,
00:10:02I was a girl like taco, enchilada, I hated the pie American,
00:10:09but once I tried it, I became an addict.
00:10:13Now, I feel like I'm traicioning my culture.
00:10:17But I can't stop.
00:10:19I can't stop.
00:10:21I can't stop.
00:10:34I can't stop.
00:10:50Wow.
00:10:50I can't stop.
00:10:56I can't stop.
00:11:07So, what was this is?
00:11:15I want to stop.
00:11:15All was bad at theirty付est.
00:11:18First thing this is, when it only games has lost,
00:11:20money make you so horny but yeah it sure does i just wanna get naked and roll around in all
00:11:29this
00:11:30cash i didn't think all of this is possible because we decided to come swing burgers
00:11:35at big folks who would have thought we would have this much success
00:11:46we're looking good girls tonight
00:11:51and once again gas prices in la have risen to an all-time high at this granada hills kevron
00:11:58regular is priced at 25.49 per gallon that's up 69 cents from just yesterday this rapid inflation
00:12:07is really aiding angelenos where it hurts and although unemployment is at 0.5 percent experts
00:12:14still predict that a recession is right around the corner this is leila lullaby reporting from
00:12:20granada hills back to you in the studio craig
00:12:23and why is it so slow the economy in this town is in the toilet that's why no one wants
00:12:39to spend
00:12:40thirty dollars on a hamburger but they're really really good burgers and for the penny ventures we
00:12:47have cheaper stuff in the menu too cheaper not cheap babe nothing in this town is cheap lately
00:12:54plus with the price of gas going up every day people just want to stay home conserve energy so
00:13:00they can get to work the next day but wages are up or that's like what they said on the
00:13:06news but
00:13:06what does that matter if inflation is upper
00:13:09i just think people don't want to eat out they'd rather buy their burger patties in bulk at the big
00:13:14box store and cook them up at home yeah i can understand that but this is the fourth day
00:13:19in a row with no customers well we do got one customer at least oh he's such a lousy tipper
00:13:28he
00:13:28doesn't even count you know what that's why we got to do something extra to bring in the customers
00:13:34we gotta make them feel like they're getting more for their money than being served by the sexiest
00:13:40bitches on the planet in a bigfoot sighting oh my higher power turn that up hi i'm ashley autumn and
00:13:51yes i am that bitch i'm the bitch that said i had bigfoot's baby just for clout now i want
00:14:00everyone
00:14:00to know i didn't do that because i'm into that sort of thing that's really gross like
00:14:10ew i did it because i wanted to become famous and now i have my very own reality show
00:14:20it's called big feet big dot dot dot and you can keep up with me ashley autumn while i learn
00:14:32new and
00:14:32interesting hobbies like cooking and baking becoming a yoga instructor and even running for president of
00:14:41the united states so tune in at 8 p.m on wednesdays and you can keep up with me ashley
00:14:50autumn
00:14:51ciao hey hey i was watching that funny how a few months ago we thought she was the dummy for
00:15:01not wanting to get in on this burger slinging joint with us wonder how much she getting paid for that
00:15:05show definitely more than what she's worth ladies at this point i think that we should call her and try
00:15:12to get on the show i've only made eight bucks in tips over the last two weeks oh i tried
00:15:18that already
00:15:18bitch changed her number she ain't taking our calls no more now that she's famous that hoe oh my lord
00:15:27that's it what's it famous huh you ain't making no sense hon i think sudden poverty might be getting to
00:15:35you no no ladies we need to have a brainstorm session i'm out i hate storms they're so dangerous
00:15:44especially now with global warming excuse me so you hate my name too my dead great aunt spencer
00:15:53salad gave me my name no no stormy we're not talking about your name stormy is such a beautiful name
00:16:00isn't
00:16:00that right and chrissy we're not talking about a weather storm like rain or snow we're talking about
00:16:07a brain storm uh okay that actually sounds way worse don't make disgusting even no no no no chrissy
00:16:18she ain't talking about like a storm with brains flying everywhere oh that would be super gross
00:16:25she's talking about like we sit down and come up with an idea to get this place going again right
00:16:31dex yes that's exactly what i mean um but isn't that the boss's job
00:16:47yeah i think our boss is just a tad bit preoccupied at the moment
00:16:53ladies it's going to be up to us to do the brainstorming so we do or we don't have to
00:16:59go
00:16:59out chasing storms christy focus this isn't about storms like this is about thinking with our brains
00:17:09we gotta come up with an idea to save this damn restaurant or we're gonna be on food stamps actually
00:17:14it's called ebt it's a debit card and you can buy sushi at whole foods just fyi it's all whatever
00:17:21ebt tbd tmi wyd we are all gonna be b-r-o-k-e baroque if we don't come up
00:17:29with an idea to get this place
00:17:31going again i don't want to be broke that would mean i would have to go back to my old
00:17:36sugar daddy
00:17:36and he smells like onions none of us want that for you now dex you said something about famous
00:17:45yes that's right that's it what's it the solution to what the restaurant what about the restaurant
00:17:54oh mg christy we gotta save this gosh darn restaurant if it keeps being this dead we're
00:18:01gonna lose our jobs oh yeah i don't want that um because then i would have to go back to
00:18:07my old
00:18:08sugar daddy we know so what are we gonna do about it yeah what are we gonna do about it
00:18:15i know we're
00:18:16gonna get a famous celebrity to come into the restaurant and that will bring in the customers
00:18:23yes oh people love celebrities yes i'm sure if we got a celebrity to make an appearance the
00:18:30customers would come back so do we know any celebrities oh i i heard that you might know me i'm
00:18:38uh
00:18:38jim winorski i'm a famous movie director and i know plenty of uh celebs
00:18:46i do and i'm all here in my pocket
00:18:51i'm here
00:18:55oh my god no no no no come on ladies seriously let's think
00:19:02chrissy do you know anybody maybe somebody you dated well i did date alex from back
00:19:08the one from jeopardy girl he's dead they named a street after him oh shoot oh my god he was
00:19:18a good
00:19:19guy canadian but he was a nice dude think chrissy use your noggin
00:19:33oh my god you guys how do you expect my brain to function at all with all these gross distracting
00:19:40noises
00:20:05okay chrissy it's quiet out here now can you think i can't think properly without maybe a pen
00:20:10oh i'll go get it
00:20:20oh no this is the blueberry one i wanted my passion fruit one okay enough the blueberry vape is the
00:20:28vape
00:20:28you got so the blueberry vape is the vape you're gonna suck go ahead take a big hit
00:20:36oh yeah this'll do just fine i forgot this one has the thc juice thank you jesus for thc it's
00:20:44the
00:20:45only thing keeping anyone in this rapidly downward spiraling metropolis that it's an act we called
00:20:50city of angels saying amen the la city should really be renamed the city of inequality and injustice
00:20:57thanks sherlock you're just now figuring that out actually it took me being broke to know but
00:21:04let's not get negative let's work into the solution right right now chrissy can you think oh yeah my
00:21:11mind is free and clear now i dated henry weinstein oh how old are you i mean you know what
00:21:18i hate that i
00:21:26toothbrush oh good i never liked that asshole anyways girl he ain't dead yet they actually tried and
00:21:34convicted him a few months back here in la he got an extra 16 years he's actually located at the
00:21:42twin
00:21:42towers so if any of you old school convicts would like to help us girls out and beat his ass
00:21:50his name is
00:21:51henry weinstein his booking number is four five six seven eight nine three three henry weinstein he
00:22:00looks like a troll and please contact me via kickcock for a picture and a more accurate description
00:22:08dex prisoners don't have kickcock all prisoners have kickcock that's how i met my boyfriend
00:22:15and hashtag prison cock anyways girl i know weinstein isn't dead yet i was just speaking it into
00:22:25existence everyone could do without his presence girl i'm all about the death of weinstein because
00:22:31with his perverted ass still around no one is safe so is henry dead or in prison i'm super confused
00:22:38right
00:22:38now girl you're always confused but he's not dead yet but maybe by the time this stupid movie comes out
00:22:50he will be
00:22:56so let's talk about somebody that's not dead and not in prison
00:23:03oh i dated barack obama what barack obama like michelle's husband barack obama yes that barack obama
00:23:14i call him barry though everybody does so when did you date barry chrissy oh don't worry it was before
00:23:21michelle it was while he was at harvard law school he was in one of my classes you went to
00:23:27harvard law
00:23:27uh don't just don't don't even ask just okay okay back to the business of barack at hand so what
00:23:35corporate bigwig or government shark are you gonna call i'm gonna call barry i mean obama or i'm gonna
00:23:42call my ex-boyfriend barack brilliant idea maybe take out your phone okay i'm lying
00:23:54i never dated barack i just really really really really want to
00:24:03chrissy you gotta stop with these delusional fantasies come on get it together now who do you
00:24:10know that is famous come on bitch i dated roman polaski he's in exile in france actually he's
00:24:20wanted by interpol so he's no use to us either i dated bernie badoff omg bernie badoff feeling the
00:24:28burn bernie like i'm a democratic socialist bernie
00:24:36no girl you're talking about bernie sanders oh yeah you right you dated bernie sanders
00:24:44i love that dude girl everybody loves that dude except for the dnc those idiots that's why we
00:24:52ended up with trump and then they weaseled hillary onto the ballot and they screwed bernie
00:24:57shit i'd screw bernie he's an old man but he's the real deal he passes the wokeness litmus test
00:25:05he could get it how was he in bed so you dated bernie sanders all of a sudden i'm so
00:25:12confused
00:25:12was it during his campaign because he really doesn't seem like the type to cheat on his wife
00:25:16but he was a hippie in his 60s so you know free love and all that no not sanders i
00:25:22don't even know
00:25:23colonel sanders and i hate fried chicken so that wouldn't be a match anyway i dated bernie badoff
00:25:31wall street swindler bernie badoff the worst father of the millennium bernie badoff best friend
00:25:37and advisor to the sec who fleeced half a manhattan bernie badoff yes that bernie badoff girl he's dead
00:25:45oh maybe that's why he hasn't been sending me money for the past decade or so i was wondering about
00:25:51that
00:25:51funny how i think it's something about me but really has nothing to do with me at all
00:25:56i thought he stopped sending me money because he didn't like me anymore girl i'm sure that
00:26:02psychopathic swindler just loves you from his prison cell oh i'm sorry from his coffin that's six feet
00:26:07under oh okay well that makes me feel better at least okay forget about the guys do you know any
00:26:13famous female celebrity i know martha stewart oh could she bring snoop dogg no contrary to popular
00:26:20opinion they don't kick it like that outside of works yeah and all as for the excitement factor i
00:26:25don't really feel martha would be oh i know i know becky lebeau who's becky lebeau she starred in
00:26:34the blockbuster hit dinosaur island oh that becky lebeau she's a babe how do you know her we used to
00:26:45have the same sugar daddy duh they have the same sugar daddy that's great news well hit her up let's
00:26:52get
00:26:52this party started hey come on let's go tell the boss we have a plan
00:27:27Let's go.
00:27:39Let's go.
00:28:01Let's go.
00:28:51Let's go.
00:28:54Let's go.
00:28:55Let's go.
00:28:57Let's go.
00:29:15Let's go.
00:29:22Let's go.
00:29:28Let's go.
00:29:36Let's go.
00:29:38Let's go.
00:29:42Let's go.
00:30:12Let's go.
00:30:29Let's go.
00:30:34Let's go.
00:30:36Let's go.
00:30:46Let's go.
00:31:02Let's go.
00:31:13Let's go.
00:31:32Let's go.
00:31:35Let's go.
00:31:44Let's go.
00:31:47Let's go.
00:32:01Let's go.
00:32:02Let's go.
00:32:11Let's go.
00:32:18Let's go.
00:32:22Let's go.
00:32:38Let's go.
00:32:43Let's go.
00:32:44Let's go.
00:32:55Let's go.
00:34:00Well, first off, I'd like to thank you so much for coming to our rescue.
00:34:05Oh, well, I'm all for helping out small female-owned businesses in any way that I can.
00:34:11But we're not female-owned.
00:34:13Maybe not, if you want to be technical.
00:34:17But we are definitely female-operated.
00:34:19One hundred percent.
00:34:21All our beast of a boss does all day is cavort with harlots.
00:34:25Hey, who are you calling a harlot?
00:34:28Not calling anyone a harlot.
00:34:31I mean, by the way, who are you?
00:34:34Oh, how rude of me.
00:34:36I didn't even introduce you to my partner in crime.
00:34:39What?
00:34:39You guys are criminals.
00:34:41I thought you were supposed to be celebrities.
00:34:43What?
00:34:43They're celebrity criminals.
00:34:45What?
00:34:46We are not criminals or harlots for that matter.
00:34:49Oh, ladies, ladies, we do not need an episode of Bad Girls.
00:34:54And no one called you a harlot or a criminal.
00:34:57That's not true.
00:34:58You just called me a criminal.
00:35:01So did she.
00:35:02To be fair, I said celebrity criminal.
00:35:05And you called me a harlot.
00:35:07I did not call you a harlot.
00:35:09I said all our beast of a boss does all day is cavort with harlots.
00:35:14Wow.
00:35:15He's really that horrible of a boss that you call him a beast?
00:35:19No, we don't call him that.
00:35:21We call him boss.
00:35:22We don't call him a beast.
00:35:23He is a beast.
00:35:25You mean a beast in Brodin?
00:35:28You know, the stone stone?
00:35:40You know, Debbie had an affair with Mick for years.
00:35:43And she almost had his love child.
00:35:45Almost?
00:35:46Well, I would have had his love child, but I had my troops tied in 1981 instead.
00:35:52That is fascinating.
00:35:54And you must tell us all about it later.
00:35:56But first, who are you again?
00:35:59Oh, Debbie, tell these ladies who you are.
00:36:01Oh.
00:36:03I...
00:36:04am Debra Dutch, star of stage and screen.
00:36:10I've been in Bruce Lee fights back from the grave, graduation day, Howard, the amazing
00:36:15Mr. Hughes, the man who wasn't there, protocol, DC cab, torchlight, Miami Vice, sorority girls
00:36:22in The Creature from Hell, Action Jackson, Haunting of Morello, Hard to Die, Dinosaur, Iowan,
00:36:28Death Dancers, Vampirous Lady of the Night, Mind Twister, The Last Run, Angel of Reckoning,
00:36:33Hell Cat's Revenge, Nose Lock, Meat Hook Massacre, and recently, Giantist's Battle of Attack.
00:36:44I play a foxy boxer.
00:36:47You see, I wanted to bring Debbie along because, well, I can sing, but I don't really dance.
00:36:54Debbie here is the dancer.
00:36:57Oh.
00:36:58So, you ladies are planning on singing and dancing for us?
00:37:02Isn't that what you want?
00:37:04Yes, absolutely.
00:37:06That sounds fantastic.
00:37:08But I thought she was just supposed to appear at the restaurant.
00:37:12Isn't that what you mean by a celebrity appearance?
00:37:16I'm super confused.
00:37:18Well, singing and dancing is so much better than just merely appearing, wouldn't you say?
00:37:23Oh, well, I'd say.
00:37:25But we ladies, we can't really afford to pay you for your performances.
00:37:30We're practically broke.
00:37:32Yeah, that's why we have to do this whole thing in the first place.
00:37:34The restaurant has been so dead lately, we're not making any money.
00:37:38Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:37:40I'm a professional entertainer, and I don't do gigs for free.
00:37:45Ah, come on, Deb.
00:37:47Not even to help out a couple of gals just trying to make a living out here in the City
00:37:51of Angels?
00:37:51Chrissy here is my good friend, and we go way back.
00:37:56We once successfully fought off Bill Cosby together.
00:37:59Oh, I'm sorry, hon, but I must be paid for my artistic expression.
00:38:06Okay, let us go crunch some numbers.
00:38:13No, just one more.
00:38:22Okay, so we've gone over our finances, and with the economy being what it is, we have
00:38:28agreed to pay each of you exactly $29.75.
00:38:35I'll take it.
00:38:36Better than a kick in the teeth.
00:38:38We got ourselves a deal!
00:38:50Oh, my God, what time is it?
00:38:52Where's my purse?
00:38:53Where's my phone?
00:38:54Where's your brain?
00:38:55That's not important right now.
00:38:57I just need my purse and my phone.
00:38:59What time is it?
00:39:00It's 4 p.m.
00:39:02Oh, my God, Deb, we got to go!
00:39:05I'm late for my mid-afternoon appointment with my survey daddy!
00:39:18This is good, ladies.
00:39:20Really good.
00:39:21Yeah, it is.
00:39:23I do love smoking out of my favorite bong by the pool instead of working.
00:39:28It's so relaxing.
00:39:30She means the plan.
00:39:32The plan is good.
00:39:34What plan?
00:39:35The plan to have celebrities come to the restaurant and perform.
00:39:39Oh, yeah, yeah.
00:39:41The plan is good.
00:39:42You know what's really good?
00:39:45This hybrid strain.
00:39:48Oh, this shit's smashed.
00:39:50I didn't even get this from my usual dispensary.
00:39:54Maybe I should switch dispensaries.
00:39:58You know what?
00:39:59I am so damn high.
00:40:06You know what would be perfect right about now.
00:40:09A shot of tequila.
00:40:12I don't know if it's really rough.
00:40:14No, no, no, no, no, ladies.
00:40:16We have to keep our wits about ourselves now.
00:40:18We got to pull this off.
00:40:20So when are we going to do it?
00:40:21Tomorrow night?
00:40:22We can't do it tomorrow night.
00:40:24That's Tuesday.
00:40:25We want to do it on Saturday so we can get the weekend crowd.
00:40:28And get that word out.
00:40:31Yeah, get the word out.
00:40:34Yeah.
00:40:36And how are we going to do that?
00:40:38What?
00:40:39The word out.
00:40:40Oh, that's easy peasy.
00:40:42We just got to make a kick cock.
00:40:44Who do we got to kick in the cock?
00:40:47No.
00:40:48We don't got to kick nobody in the cock.
00:40:50Oh, damn.
00:40:51That's a shame.
00:40:52Oh, tell us how, Stormylicious.
00:40:55What?
00:40:55How to kick someone in the cock?
00:40:57It's easy.
00:40:58You just got to eat properly.
00:41:02If you want, I can show you.
00:41:03I used to kick men in the cock for a living during my dominatrix days.
00:41:07You were a dominatrix?
00:41:09Yeah, sure I was.
00:41:11How else do you think I paid for Harvard?
00:41:15So, on that note, I think we need to jump in this dang pool.
00:41:20The last one is, is one broke, bum-ass bitch.
00:41:28So, how are we going to make this kick cock?
00:41:30Oh, that's easy.
00:41:31We ain't going to make a kick cock.
00:41:33Huh?
00:41:34We ain't.
00:41:34I think I could have stayed in bed in that case.
00:41:37No.
00:41:38We ain't going to make a kick cock.
00:41:40A kick cock's getting made.
00:41:41We just need some beautiful social media influencer.
00:41:45Hey.
00:41:46I don't know.
00:41:49I don't know.
00:41:51Well, well, well.
00:41:53Speak of the devil.
00:41:55Two devils.
00:41:56You got yourself two devils at the price of one.
00:41:59Devilish little devils.
00:42:05Girls, we're so happy that you're here.
00:42:08Now, which one of you is Indica, and which one of you is Sativa?
00:42:12I'm Indica James.
00:42:13I'm a fashion blogger and kick cock star.
00:42:16I'm Sativa Sansonite.
00:42:18I have 135 million followers, and that's just an Insta.
00:42:22You're both the woman I want to marry.
00:42:25Oh, my God.
00:42:26So sorry about him.
00:42:28We are so happy that you ladies could come out and hype up our event.
00:42:34Oh, the pleasure is ours.
00:42:36Yes, it most certainly is.
00:42:38We want the big dick Bigfoot club.
00:42:46Oh, a stage.
00:42:48I adore a stage.
00:42:51It makes me feel like the shining star that I am.
00:43:05Yes, you sexy beast.
00:43:07We want you to come over here and play with us right now.
00:43:15Okay, let's start filming.
00:43:17This is live streaming on kick cock right now.
00:43:18Smile, you're on kick cock now.
00:43:22Twist your face and show them how.
00:43:26Dance like a body's watching.
00:43:27Wow, you're the star to kick your bow.
00:43:30Smile, you're on kick cock now.
00:43:34Twist your face and show them how.
00:43:37Dance like a body's watching.
00:43:39Wow, you're the star to kick your bow.
00:43:42Smile, you're on kick cock now.
00:43:46Twist your face and show them how
00:43:49Dance like a body's watching, wow
00:43:51You're the star, take your bow
00:43:53Smile, you're on Kit Cops now
00:43:58Twist your face and show them how
00:44:00Dance like a body's watching, wow
00:44:03Oh, why are all these roses and presents popping up?
00:44:06Oh, their followers pay a lot of money to send those
00:44:09For reals?
00:44:10And they get that money?
00:44:12No, we don't get the money
00:44:14Kit Cops takes 99 cents of every dollar
00:44:17Yes, it really is quite unfair
00:44:19That's why we gotta get paid other ways
00:44:21Like promotions
00:44:22Well, that sounds beyond unfair
00:44:24But speaking of promotions
00:44:26Aren't you ladies here to help us promote our event this Saturday?
00:44:30I thought that's what we were here to do right now
00:44:32Don't tell me we gotta come back Saturday
00:44:34Well, we would really, really love for you to come back Saturday
00:44:39We don't wanna come back Saturday
00:44:41We have way better things to be doing
00:44:43We're having a party at the Hype House
00:44:45Rumor is that skinny little rapper with the colorful dreads
00:44:48Who ratted everybody out
00:44:50Is coming
00:44:51What's his name again?
00:44:5245?
00:44:54Oh, you mean the one who got his ass beat at the gym in Florida?
00:44:57Dang, that shit was so fake
00:44:58But anyways, to answer your questions, ladies
00:45:01Yes, you are here to promote it right now
00:45:05So please, ladies, talk about it
00:45:07Plug the restaurant and the event
00:45:10Okay, so what's the name of this place?
00:45:13Bigfoot's Burgers and Babes
00:45:15The name of the restaurant is Bigfoot's Burgers and Babes
00:45:20Okay, great
00:45:20Say that again for my 1.5 million followers watching right now
00:45:261.5 million followers are watching right now?
00:45:29Well, actually 1.7 million now
00:45:31Uh, yes, that's right, folks
00:45:36Come on down and visit us
00:45:38And get your delicious Bigfoot burger
00:45:41Served to you by us, babes
00:45:44And now I'm up to 2.5 million followers
00:45:47Dang, I thought Bigfoot was a class
00:45:49It looks like my followers so prefer baby-biddy
00:45:52Go back in time
00:45:58I tried to change it up
00:46:01Commit a crime
00:46:06Lowing hands at his 2020
00:46:11Filled with lies
00:46:13Just an animal
00:46:17Yeah, yeah
00:46:44Ladies, thanks to Sativa and Indica coming by yesterday
00:46:47And getting our KitKat party started
00:46:49We're up to 69 million followers
00:46:54That's like a lot, huh?
00:46:56Yeah, that's like a lot, a lot
00:46:58But now we have to interact with them
00:47:00Oh
00:47:02Oh my god, they have so many questions
00:47:05How are we going to answer all these?
00:47:07We won't be able to answer them all
00:47:09That would be impossible
00:47:11It's true, but we could at least try
00:47:13I say we get started
00:47:15Okay
00:47:15Uh, they're asking if Bigfoot is an expert dancer
00:47:20Yeah
00:47:24Well, we know he's an expert at snoring, that's for sure
00:47:28Oh, oh wow, they want us to send us some kisses
00:47:32Oh, well that we can do
00:47:34I am an expert at sending kisses
00:47:37Hey, can a hard-working brother get some?
00:47:40Freddie, stop being a perp
00:47:43We are trying to conduct a serious social media promotion
00:47:46Not giving our kisses IRL
00:47:49Could have fooled me
00:47:50Y'all been mentioning the event once
00:47:52The event?
00:47:53We forgot to talk about the event
00:47:57Man, y'all need a man in charge
00:47:59To make sure this don't become no Fire Island
00:48:11Hey, get that ass back in that kitchen
00:48:13Whatever you say, mommy
00:48:15Whatever you say
00:48:35And that's what you call
00:48:38Reverse sexual harassment
00:48:40We've been waiting a long time for this
00:48:44Not as long as we have
00:48:45Not nearly as long as we have
00:48:49Okay, here's another great question
00:48:51They're asking what's going down Saturday night
00:48:54Oh, I'll answer that
00:48:55Uh, Saturday night
00:48:57We are gonna have two huge sexy celebs
00:49:01Right here on this very stage
00:49:04They're asking for who?
00:49:06Uh, they want to know if it's Beyonce
00:49:08Beyonce?
00:49:10Uh, no
00:49:11No, no
00:49:12Sorry, Beehive
00:49:14Not Queen Bee
00:49:16Oh, no
00:49:18Not Kim K
00:49:19Oh, our celebs are way hotter than Kim K
00:49:22Yeah, we got our own big sexy celebrity
00:49:25Right here
00:49:26Our Bigfoot
00:49:32Show them what you got
00:49:35Oh, you remember that one
00:49:37Yes, it's 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8
00:49:441, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8
00:49:481, 2, 3, 4, 5
00:49:52You seeing this?
00:49:55Oh, yes, that is our body
00:49:57You know, the bounty on his head the Russians put out is doubled
00:50:00I am not trying to give anything to the Russians for mere rubles
00:50:03The Saudis are offering 2.5 billion dollars if he's captured alive
00:50:08Well, then I guess we're going to deliver him to the damn Saudis
00:50:12It's a shame, though, as I feel the Russian scientific community would be the best trained to do experiments on
00:50:16him
00:50:16I don't want to deliver anything to the Russians at this point
00:50:20My people are such bullies
00:50:22May I remind you that we, our kidnappers, we're not exactly angels ourselves
00:50:26We're all going to end up in the same purgatory
00:50:29It doesn't matter nothing anyways
00:50:31Look, the Saudis are offering twice their reward money
00:50:33And besides, the Russians are too busy pissing away their rubles trying to kidnap Ukraine
00:50:37I mean, sometimes you just have to decide in life
00:50:40Ukraine or Bigfoot
00:50:43They choose Ukraine, apparently
00:50:45You're right
00:50:46I know you're right
00:50:47Money talks, rubles just squawk
00:50:49Exactly
00:50:49I mean, no, that's not a saying
00:50:52Well, I just said it, so it is now
00:50:55In any case, it looks like we have an event to attend this weekend
00:50:59We sure do
00:51:00You think we should pull out the wig and mustaches for this one?
00:51:03Definitely
00:51:04It is always better to err on the side of deception
00:51:08Oh, I can't wait
00:51:09That Bigfoot piece ain't gonna know what hit him this time
00:51:12No
00:51:46Eddie
00:52:03Have a nice time
00:52:13Well, folks, I know you're already having a great time
00:52:16But it's about to get even better
00:52:18Because it's time for the Becky and Bigfoot show
00:52:29If I could make a wish
00:52:32Go back in time
00:52:37I'd try to change it up
00:52:40Commit a crime
00:52:56Okay
00:52:56Now is our chance
00:52:58Don't mess it up
00:52:59Well, you don't mess it up
00:53:01I never mess up
00:53:02That's your department
00:53:02Wait, bitching at me
00:53:04And let's go
00:53:14You got the injection ready?
00:53:17That's not it
00:53:18Huh?
00:53:19What do you mean?
00:53:20Look at the label, dummy
00:53:21Well, do you have my reading glasses?
00:53:23I think
00:53:24Why do you have to be so gosh darn incompetent?
00:53:27I said reading glasses
00:53:29Oh
00:53:36Oh, no
00:53:38What is it now, dumbass?
00:53:40This is not the tranquilizer
00:53:41This is COVID vaccine booster number 176
00:53:44Idiot
00:53:45That's what I've been trying to tell you
00:53:46But wait
00:53:47It might just be your lucky day
00:53:49I always carry an extra tranquilizer syringe in my purse
00:53:52Okay
00:53:52For all intensive purposes
00:53:54This should do the trick
00:53:55Thank you me for all intents and purposes
00:53:57No
00:53:57I mean for all intensive purposes
00:53:59Because this shit is way too intensive
00:54:01Actually, I'd say it's more extensive than intensive
00:54:04If anything, it is both intensive and extensive
00:54:06All of a sudden, nothing is making any sense anymore
00:54:09What are we talking about again?
00:54:10We are talking about sticking the big foot in the big ass
00:54:13With these big ass tranquilizer shots
00:54:15Yes, ass shots
00:54:16I concur
00:54:18But do you see him?
00:54:19No, I don't see him
00:54:21Well, he's probably still in his office
00:54:23Oh
00:54:23Let's go
00:54:27I'm tired of doing the same old things
00:54:31Day after day
00:54:35Try to run
00:54:37Try to hide my fears
00:54:39But the world turned gray
00:54:43This day and night may have come to life
00:54:47Wondering
00:55:02Where the hell is Bigfoot?
00:55:04He need to get his big hairy butt on that stage
00:55:07We did not plan this grand finale for him to be a no-show
00:55:10We got that dope ass kumbia band and everything
00:55:13Maybe he's in there humping another grip
00:55:16I don't know what's going on right here right now
00:55:19But I just know something ain't right
00:55:21Let's go get him that horned dog
00:55:23You mean horned beast
00:55:24Whatever, horned dog, horned beast
00:55:27We just need to go get his big horny butt
00:55:28And put him up there on that stage
00:55:33And now for the surprise wildcard act of the night
00:55:36It's L.A.'s own queen of rock and roll herself
00:55:39Rock and roll, Rocky
00:55:41You ready to rock?
00:55:44Come on now, motherfuckers
00:55:46Let's rock!
00:55:51Let's rock!
00:55:59He's not here
00:56:01What the hell is this?
00:56:03I don't know
00:56:04But what I do know is
00:56:06Something stinks in Denmark
00:56:08That's for sure
00:56:09This is Hollywood, California
00:56:11Denmark isn't Africa
00:56:13No, Chrissy
00:56:15Denmark isn't Afghanistan
00:56:16Wait a minute
00:56:27Holy Christmas
00:56:29They're kidnapping our Bigfoot
00:56:32Bigfoot
00:56:33Who got him?
00:56:34The evil kidnappers
00:56:39Oh my
00:56:45Help!
00:56:49Help!
00:56:50Help!
00:56:50Help!
00:56:51Stop him!
00:56:51Stop him!
00:56:52Stop him!
00:56:53Help!
00:56:53What's going on, ladies?
00:56:54They're kidnapping our Bigfoot!
00:56:57They kidnapped Bigfoot?
00:56:59Yes!
00:57:00Which way did they head?
00:57:01What were they driving?
00:57:02Newark and a black homer
00:57:04Alright, I got my black and white outside
00:57:06Let's go get those fuckers
00:57:07Come on
00:57:10You need to find my flicky?
00:57:26You need to find my flicky?
00:57:28Shhh!
00:57:38To the time
00:57:38To the time
00:57:42They're just waiting to hang out
00:57:42To the time
00:57:42They're making flicky
00:57:43The most eerie
00:57:47To the time
00:57:48They're kind of
00:57:48To the time
00:57:54You're going to go
00:57:55To the time
00:58:14Hey, cabrones, no se muevan.
00:58:17Hijos de putas, se ponen en el suelo.
00:58:20Get in the ground, now!
00:58:22Now!
00:58:24Get the fuck on the ground!
00:58:38Now I'm going to turn you two imbeciles over to my colleague from the Culver City PD.
00:58:42Culver City PD, no, not them, they're the worst.
00:58:44Then you shouldn't have gotten off of the Slausen eggs, you dumbasses.
00:58:49All right.
00:58:50I got a SWAT van pulling up around the corner right now.
00:58:53You two, let's turn them around.
00:58:56Culver City!
00:59:01Bigfoot, where's Bigfoot?
00:59:03Somebody open this trunk now!
00:59:05Somebody get a crowbar!
00:59:06Are the dogs alive?
00:59:08Or we could just unlock the trunk.
00:59:11Oh, my.
00:59:12Yay!
00:59:13It's open!
00:59:15Oh, my God, Paz, are you okay?
00:59:20We're sorry that we called you a whore dog and a pervert.
00:59:24Please come back to us.
00:59:26Wake up!
00:59:27That dude's out cold.
00:59:29Please don't die.
00:59:31You can't die on us, Paz.
00:59:33We love you.
00:59:34Paz, please!
00:59:36Please wake up!
00:59:39Wait, wait, wait.
00:59:40Everybody, stand back.
00:59:42I think I know something that might work.
00:59:45Paz!
00:59:47Wake up!
00:59:53It's alive!
00:59:54It's alive!
00:59:56Oh, this is great.
00:59:57Do you want us to take you to the hospital, Paz?
00:59:59I think we need to take him to the hospital.
01:00:02Oh, this is great.
01:00:03I was really dreading all that paperwork.
01:00:06Okay, Paz.
01:00:07We got you.
01:00:08He wants to go back to the burger chain.
01:00:11He's got a show to do, Paz.
01:00:13Let's go!
01:00:15Gracias.
01:00:16Muchas, muchas gracias.
01:00:17Gracias.
01:00:20Great news.
01:00:21I won't be needing my blicky at all.
01:00:23Look, everybody.
01:00:23He's back.
01:00:24He's here.
01:00:26Ladies and gentlemen, I think we've done it.
01:00:31Paz!
01:00:41Ladies and gentlemen, sorry for the delay.
01:00:43You'll be so glad you stuck around
01:00:44because for the first time on stage in the City of Angels,
01:00:47we have Bigfoot Burgers present Smoke Dog A7.
01:00:51Oh!
01:00:52Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
01:00:54I woke up this morning.
01:00:56Bright and early, I'm feeling good, you know.
01:00:59Woke up the first thing I said.
01:01:00What's up?
01:01:01What's up?
01:01:04I said I ain't finna worry about no words today.
01:01:06Get it?
01:01:07I ain't finna worry about these kids.
01:01:09I ain't finna worry about nothing.
01:01:11Nah, I'ma say what I wanna say.
01:01:13What I wanna say.
01:01:14And I'ma do what I wanna do.
01:01:16What I wanna do.
01:01:16The only thing that I ask for y'all is don't bother me.
01:01:19And I promise I won't bother you.
01:01:21And I think we'll be okay.
01:01:22We did it!
01:01:23We did this burger's on train again!
01:01:26Hey, you can feel how you wanna feel.
01:01:28I'm just feelin' real, but I will not let you ruin my day.
01:01:31I'ma do not really handle on weed, workin' hard day and day.
01:01:34Anytime I do something, somebody got something to say.
01:01:36Sayin' what I'm doin' wrong.
01:01:38Look, you can move along.
01:01:39Cause at the end of the day, baby, I'ma do what I want to.
01:01:42And move how I want to.
01:01:44And if you feel some type of way, do what you gon' do.
01:01:46Cause I ain't finna stop doin' what I'm doin' for your feelin'.
01:01:48Talkin' like I'm doin' too much when I'm just chillin'.
01:01:51So I'm finna go out and have me a good time.
01:01:53Shoot to the country and go to the trail ride.
01:01:56Pull me up a little bit of drink in my soda.
01:01:58And if I take too many shots, then it's so low.
01:02:00And don't care what you people gotta say to me.
01:02:03Cause ain't them one of y'all finna play with me.
01:02:05And I'ma go where I want along cause I got feet.
01:02:07But let me tell you a little bit about me.
01:02:09I'ma say what I want to say.
01:02:11And I'ma do what I want to do.
01:02:14The only thing that I ask for y'all is don't bother me.
01:02:17And I promise I won't bother you.
01:02:19And I think we'll be okay.
01:02:21As long as you stay out my way.
01:02:24And you can feel how you want to feel.
01:02:26I'm just bein' real.
01:02:27But I will not let you ruin my day.
01:02:29I'ma do what I want to do.
01:02:31And this goes for you and you.
01:02:34Lie.
01:02:34Every day I wake up, I'm in a good-ass mood.
01:02:37So do not make me lose my cool.
01:02:39Cause I really will act a fool.
01:02:41Try to walk a mile in my shoes.
01:02:44And you'll finally understand I'm just bein' a man.
01:02:46And you'll know I do what I do.
01:02:48Boy, I really can't afford to lose.
01:02:50I want you, but I just can't move.
01:02:53Lie.
01:02:54Every day I wake up, the eyes against me will make you think I wanna problem with you.
01:02:58So can you please let me do my thing?
01:03:00You play with them, but I don't play those games.
01:03:03Lie.
01:03:03You can lie about this, you can lie about that, but you better not lie on my thing.
01:03:08I'ma say what I wanna say.
01:03:10And I'ma do what I wanna do.
01:03:12The only thing that I ask for y'all is don't bother me.
01:03:15And I promise I won't bother you.
01:03:17And I think we'll be okay.
01:03:19As long as you stay out my way.
01:03:22And you can feel how you wanna feel.
01:03:24I'm just bein' real.
01:03:25But I will not let you ruin my day.
01:03:27I'ma do what I wanna do.
01:03:29And I'ma say what I wanna say, love.
01:03:32The only thing that I ask for y'all is don't bother me.
01:03:35And I promise I won't bother you.
01:03:36And I think we'll be okay, love.
01:03:39As long as you stay out my way, love.
01:03:41And you can feel how you wanna feel.
01:03:43I'm just bein' real.
01:03:44But I will not let you ruin my day.
01:03:46I'ma do what I wanna do.
01:03:49You Russian idiot.
01:03:51Look at the mess you got us into.
01:03:53You're calling me an idiot.
01:03:55I'm not the one who left their ugly purple wig right at the crime scene.
01:03:58You said that wig looked great on me.
01:04:00I lied, okay?
01:04:01I lied.
01:04:02It's literally what I do.
01:04:03I'm an international villain.
01:04:04I'm an international villain.
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