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Divorcing the Obsessive Billionaire : New 🔝
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00:00Before I met Silas, my life was anything but easy.
00:03My mother, Mary, had a weakness for a handsome face.
00:05She fell hard and fast, sleeping with my father without bothering to dig into his background.
00:10Then she got pregnant.
00:11It was only after I was born that she realized the man she loved belonged to New York's old money
00:18elite,
00:18the kind of wealth where a casual wave of his hand could have set her up for life.
00:22The catch?
00:23My father, Richard, was nothing more than a glorified gold detcher.
00:26He had married into the Sterling family to climb the social ladder.
00:30My mother was just his dirty little secret.
00:36When his wife, Eleanor, found out, all hell broke loose.
00:42Richard always acted like a king around my mother.
00:44But in front of Eleanor, he cowered like a beaten dog.
00:48Richard, please look at her. She's your daughter.
00:51Get out!
00:54My mother struggled to raise me alone.
00:56We scraped by.
00:57She worked a food cart in the cold rain,
00:59sold cheap trinkets on the street,
01:01and ran blindly from municipal police
01:03until her lungs burned and one of her shoes came off.
01:07Eventually, she reached her breaking point.
01:10She swore she was going to get me a better life.
01:11I have no idea how she managed it,
01:13but she secured a certified DNA test proving Richard was my father.
01:17She showed up at the gates of the Sterling estate,
01:19screaming until her voice gave out,
01:21demanding he take me in.
01:22Terrified of a public scandal,
01:24the Alito-Witt pricks finally caved.
01:26That was the day I was torn away from her.
01:29Serena, you'll never go to bed hungry again.
01:32But she was so incredibly naive.
01:35Richard looked at me like a stain on his tailored suit.
01:38And Eleanor loathed my very breathing.
01:41The household staff followed their lead,
01:44treating me like I was invisible,
01:46like I was trash.
01:48And my half-sisters?
01:49They made it their daily mission to make my life a living hell.
01:53My mother never knew any of this, though.
01:55That moment at the estate gates was the last time I ever saw her.
01:59She had terminal cancer and couldn't afford the medical bills.
02:02Once she knew I was inside,
02:03she walked straight into the freezing river and let the current take her.
02:07I grew up in the Sterling house as their so-called adopted daughter,
02:10walking on eggshells every single day.
02:13When I was 15, I stumbled upon a boy in the estate's garden.
02:16He had sliced his arm open on some rose thorns,
02:19blood dripping down his skin.
02:20Yet, he seemed completely numb to the pain,
02:23staring blankly ahead with his noise-canceling headphones blocking out the world.
02:26I swallowed my hesitation,
02:28ran back inside,
02:29and grabbed some antiseptic spray and bowed-ups.
02:34I carefully cleaned the wound and patched him up.
02:37Only later did I find out his name was Silas Vance.
02:39His grandfather, Arthur, had brought him over for a business dinner.
02:43For whatever twisted reason, Arthur decided I was the one.
02:47He wanted me to marry his grandson's son.
02:49The Vances were old money.
02:51New York elite.
02:52So naturally, Richard agreed before Arthur could even finish his sentence.
02:56When my stepsisters caught wind of it,
02:58they backed me into a corner,
02:59their malicious laughter echoing in the hall.
03:01You think you hit the jackpot, you little bitch?
03:03If this was a real prize,
03:04do you honestly think he'd hand it to you?
03:07That Silas guy is a total freak.
03:10He's got autism and some manic shit.
03:12He belongs in an asylum, not a marriage.
03:15But because of that engagement to Silas,
03:17Eleanor finally stopped looking at me like I was garbage.
03:21The air in the sterling house shifted.
03:23I could finally breathe without checking over my shoulder.
03:27They stopped the relentless bullying.
03:29During those quiet moments,
03:30my mind always drifted back to that skinny boy in the garden,
03:33lost in his music.
03:33He had no idea that simply existing had pulled me out of my personal hell.
03:37A deep, anchoring sense of gratitude took root in my chest.
03:41I started researching his conditions,
03:43reading every psychology book I could find,
03:45preparing myself for how to survive in his world.
03:48Then, at 20, bound by a contract in the chains of our families,
03:52I put on a white dress and married Silas Vance.
03:54On our wedding night,
03:55the second the bedroom door shut,
03:57he completely lost it.
03:58Get away from me.
04:00Don't you dare stay in my room.
04:02Get out!
04:03I said get the fuck out!
04:03My shoulders slumped,
04:04a hot, suffocating wave of humiliation burning my cheeks as I stared at the floor.
04:08I kept track of his prescription bottles,
04:11dragged him to his psychiatric appointments.
04:13From then on,
04:14I took over Silas' care,
04:17exhausting myself running between my college classes and the Vance estate,
04:21managed his strict diet,
04:23and even laid out his clothes.
04:25Thankfully,
04:26Simus wasn't completely made of stone.
04:28Slowly,
04:29he started reacting to my presence.
04:31The scream of get out faded into silence.
04:34If I passed out on the couch from exhaustion,
04:37I'd wake up with a blanket awkwardly thrown over me.
04:39And once,
04:40when Cramps had me curled in a fetal position,
04:43he silently set a heating pad
04:44and a mug of steaming chamomile tea on the nightstand.
04:47But he never touched me,
04:49never shared my bed.
04:50Silas was the sole heir to the Vance Empire,
04:53and Arthur was ruthlessly obsessed with securing a great-grandson.
04:56He pressured me constantly,
04:58his threats hanging in the air.
05:00You married into the Vance family to carry on our bloodline.
05:03It's your duty, plain and simple.
05:05But what was I supposed to do?
05:06Silas didn't want me,
05:08and I wasn't going to force him.
05:09Finally,
05:10in our fifth year,
05:11Arthur lost the last of his patients.
05:13Without any warning,
05:15he had his security guards shove Silas into my bedroom,
05:18lock the heavy oak door from the outside,
05:20trapping us inside so we'd be forced to consummate the marriage.
05:24When I tried to reach him,
05:25a heavy shard of glass from a smashed lamp splashed across my skin,
05:29and the impact of a thrown chair knocked me to the floor.
05:33By the time the first light of dawn crept in,
05:35the physical and emotional emotion and exhaust completely crushed me,
05:39and I blacked out on the floor.
05:41The next day at noon,
05:42the sound of something else shattering jolted me awake.
05:45Silas was still tearing the room apart.
05:46He smashed my phone against the wall,
05:48ripped the TV down,
05:49and kicked the remaining chairs aside.
05:51Seeing me awake,
05:52he stalked over,
05:53clutching an unbroken mirror.
05:55He shoved it in my face.
05:56The mirror showed me exactly what a wreck I was.
05:59Bruised all over,
06:00clothes torn,
06:01my skin cut by shards that had flown during his meltdown.
06:04He pointed at my reflection,
06:05his eyes hollow and filled with pure disgust.
06:09You're filthy.
06:10God, it's disgusting!
06:12I hate you!
06:14Just get out of my sight.
06:16My body felt like it had been run over by a truck that day,
06:19my knees buckling with every step.
06:22But the moment his episode peaked,
06:24Silas vanished.
06:26I had no choice but to go looking for him.
06:28By the time I finally dragged myself back to the estate gates,
06:31gasping for breath,
06:32it was already one in the morning.
06:34Silas finally returned.
06:35But there was a girl standing next to him.
06:37She had a sweet, bright smile with deep dimbles.
06:39I've never met anyone who thinks the way I do.
06:42Meeting you was the best part of tonight.
06:44That was when I realized Silas had gone to Lincoln Center alone.
06:47His phone had died,
06:49and since he couldn't navigate his way back,
06:51she had escorted him home.
06:53Silas was a musical prodigy.
06:54He had studied under masters,
06:56and opened his own studio,
06:58composing award-winning pieces.
07:00I just stood there in the shadows of the porch,
07:02listening.
07:03They talked for 30 minutes,
07:04and he never even noticed I was there.
07:06It wasn't until Thomas,
07:07the old butler,
07:09couldn't bear to watch anymore,
07:10that he finally spoke up.
07:12Mr. Van, it's getting very late.
07:14You should turn in.
07:15Mrs. Van has been waiting for you.
07:17The girl turned toward the voice,
07:19freezing for a second,
07:20before looking back at Silas.
07:22Is this your wife?
07:22A flash of extreme discomfort crossed Silas' face.
07:25He stayed silent for a moment before giving a stiff nod.
07:28I don't like her.
07:29I hate her.
07:29The girl's name was Chloe.
07:31Chloe gently tugged at his sleeve,
07:34her eyes curving into a smile.
07:36Well, it is late.
07:37We'll see each other next time.
07:38From that day on,
07:39whatever fragile piece Silas and I had built completely shattered,
07:42he refused to speak a single word to me.
07:44For his birthday,
07:45I gifted him a pair of high-end noise-canceling headphones.
07:48They were known for pristine audio quality,
07:50and were constantly sold out.
07:52I had pre-ordered them six months in advance,
07:55but Silas just took them,
07:57dropped them on the hardwood floor,
07:59and crushed them under his heel right in front of me.
08:02I don't like you.
08:03I don't want your crap.
08:04It's garbage.
08:05I don't want it!
08:07He spent that birthday out with Chloe.
08:09Since their first meeting,
08:10they had stayed in constant contact.
08:13Recently,
08:14she had even started interning at his studio.
08:17When he came home that night,
08:18there was a silver ring on his finger,
08:20a birthday gift from her.
08:22Staring at the crushed plastic and wires of the headphones on the floor,
08:25a cold, heavy exhaustion settled deep into my bones.
08:30The next day,
08:31Arthur suddenly called,
08:32demanding I go into Simus' private study.
08:35He needed a specific file handed over to his secretary immediately.
08:39I hesitated.
08:40Silas strictly forbade me from crossing that threshold,
08:44but Arthur pushed,
08:45insisting it was urgent,
08:47and the secretary was already waiting at the door.
08:50Swallowing my anxiety,
08:51I went in,
08:52grabbed the file,
08:53and meticulously put everything back,
08:56exactly as I found it.
08:57But Silas found out anyway.
08:59His phone was linked to the smart home security app.
09:01His jaw clenched so tight,
09:03the muscle fluttered,
09:04a dark storm brewing in his eyes.
09:06You are not allowed in there.
09:08You don't cross that line!
09:10Because I had merely stepped inside for two minutes to grab a folder,
09:13he hired a cleaning crew
09:15to scrub the study from top to bottom.
09:17I stared at him numbly,
09:19the question finally clawing its way out of my throat.
09:22Why am I not allowed in?
09:24Lately, you've been inviting Chloe to our house all the time.
09:27You two lock themselves inside that study for entire days just talking about music.
09:32Why is Chloe permitted to go in there,
09:34yet I'm not allowed to cross the threshold at all?
09:37Why her?
09:38But never me.
09:39Also, I'm not filthy.
09:41Why would you have a crew scrub the room just because I walked in?
09:44She is different from you.
09:46She understands music.
09:47She gets it.
09:48You don't.
09:50You walking in there ruins it.
09:52It wasn't the first time I had heard those exact words.
09:55Back when I first entered the Sterling household,
09:58my stepsisters used to scream the exact same thing at me.
10:03The fight drained out of me all at once.
10:05I was so damn tired of living like this.
10:08I wanted a divorce.
10:10Once the thought of divorce took root in my mind, it spread like a wild vine.
10:14A week later, I went to see Arthur Vance.
10:16I looked him in the eye and told him I was out.
10:18Arthur sat on the massive leather sofa in his grand estate,
10:21tapping his index finger rhythmically against the mahogany table.
10:24Why?
10:24I told him Simus had found someone he wanted.
10:27Arthur listened and fell into a long silence.
10:29Finally, he cleared his throat, his gaze locking sharply onto mine.
10:33Serena, do you know why I chose you as my grandson's wife out of everyone else?
10:37Because I gave him a band-aid in the garden?
10:40No.
10:41I had your background thoroughly investigated.
10:45I knew you were genuinely kind.
10:48And I knew being an illegitimate daughter had left you in an impossible position.
10:52You were despised in the Sterling house just for breathing.
10:56You desperately needed a way out.
10:58With your engagement to Silas as a shield,
11:01those people wouldn't dare trample you so openly anymore.
11:05Serena, I will reconsider the divorce.
11:07Go back to the estate for now.
11:09Besides, Simus is the other party in this marriage.
11:11It can't happen without his consent.
11:12I nodded, stood up, and left the room.
11:15A cold spring rain was pouring outside, the wind welling.
11:19As I stepped out the front door of the estate,
11:22my feet suddenly rooted to the spot.
11:25Silas was standing by the half-open door.
11:27I had no idea how long he had been standing there,
11:29or how much he had heard.
11:30The moment his eyes met mine,
11:32his jaw clenched so hard his face went sheet white.
11:35You said you want a divorce?
11:40When I gave him a firm yes,
11:42Simus went dead silent.
11:43His brow furrowed, wheels turning in his head.
11:46After a long pause, come be pause.
11:48Then, after the divorce,
11:51will you still take care of me?
11:53Simus,
11:54divorce means we become strangers.
11:56I won't be your wife anymore,
11:58and I have zero obligation to take care of you.
12:02I see.
12:03The rain was coming down harder now,
12:05slanting sideways and soaking half his shoulder.
12:07Silas stared at me, dead serious, and shook his head.
12:11No divorce.
12:13If we divorce, no one will take care of me.
12:15Don't you want Chloe?
12:17Then have her take care of you,
12:18handle all your damn day-to-day needs.
12:20No, she's busy.
12:21She has to compose.
12:22She can't be trapped at home all day.
12:25You're free.
12:26You take care of me.
12:28Silas, if you just want a damn caretaker,
12:30use your money and hire a nurse.
12:32Before I came,
12:33didn't your old caregiver manage just fine?
12:36Before I came,
12:37didn't rails if you want to be.
12:38My throat tightened.
12:40Not wanting to trigger a full-blown meltdown,
12:42I turned and walked back toward the estate.
12:44He trailed right behind me,
12:46chanting,
12:47no divorce like a broken record.
12:49When I didn't respond,
12:50he dug his nails in harder
12:52until drops of blood welled up.
12:53I truly didn't understand
12:55what Silas was being so stubborn about.
12:57When I finally asked,
12:58he stuttered for a while
12:59before dropping one word.
13:02Habit?
13:03Habits can be changed.
13:04When I first started taking care of you,
13:06you hated it too.
13:07It just takes time to adjust.
13:09You'll get used to someone else.
13:14No!
13:15We are not divorcing!
13:17You have to listen to me!
13:18You know,
13:19and I did it going,
13:20we'd like to avoid!
13:24And the second he saw Chloe at the front door,
13:27his eyes lit up.
13:28The divorce he was just fighting over
13:30was indently thrown out of his mind.
13:32They walked straight into his private study.
13:34Before shutting the door,
13:35soon,
13:36the sweeping notes of the grand piano
13:38seeped through the heavy wood.
13:39Mixed with Chloe's bright,
13:41echoing laughter,
13:41the room sounded sickeningly alive.
13:44When Chloe came out of the study,
13:45it was already 10 p.m.
13:47It was pouring outside.
13:49Silas glanced at the rain
13:50and stopped her.
13:52It's raining.
13:53You'll get sick.
13:54Stay here tonight.
13:57Dummy,
13:58I didn't bring pajamas.
13:59How can I stay?
14:00She has some.
14:02How can you answer for someone else?
14:06This is my house,
14:08not hers.
14:09The clothes were bought with my money.
14:11I make the damn rules.
14:16Well then,
14:17Mrs. Vance,
14:18I guess I'll be staying the night.
14:19I hope I'm not interrupting any
14:21marital duties.
14:23Simus was right.
14:24This wasn't my home.
14:25It was time to pack my bags.
14:28After two days of searching,
14:30I signed a lease
14:31on a modestly priced studio apartment.
14:34Silas walked in
14:34just as I was folding my clothes
14:36into a suitcase.
14:37Since I brought up the divorce,
14:39his hostility towards me
14:40had now backed slightly.
14:42Very rarely,
14:43he would even initiate
14:44a conversation.
14:45Packing?
14:46Are you throwing those out?
14:48No.
14:51You should.
14:52They're hideous.
14:53You have no eye for aesthetics.
14:55You don't know
14:56how to put things together.
14:57Then what looks good?
14:59Like what Chloe wears.
15:00That looks good.
15:01You need to learn from her.
15:03I have money.
15:04I can buy them for you.
15:07A year ago,
15:09Silas and I attempted
15:10a trip to the mall.
15:10He personally picked
15:12that exact dress
15:13off the rack
15:14and handed it to me.
15:15I still clearly remember
15:17his reaction
15:17when I stepped out
15:18of the fitting room.
15:22Beautiful.
15:24Beautiful.
15:26It was the exact same dress,
15:28yet now,
15:29he found it hideous
15:30and tasteless.
15:32Was it the dress
15:33that changed
15:33or the man looking at it?
15:35I lowered my gaze
15:36and shoved the white dress
15:37into the suitcase anyway.
15:38No thanks.
15:39I like my own style.
15:40A dark flash of irritation
15:42instantly clouded
15:43Silas' eyes.
15:44He dropped a cold
15:45suit yourself
15:46and stormed out of the room.
15:47The door slammed shut
15:48with a bang
15:49that made my ears ring.
15:50I only slept in that
15:51small studio for one night
15:52before buying a ticket
15:53to Sedono, Arizona.
15:55When I was little,
15:56my mother always coaxed me,
15:57promising that life
15:58would get better.
15:59She said once she saved
16:00up enough money,
16:01she would take me on a trip.
16:02After she was gone,
16:03I told myself the same lie.
16:05Once I saved enough,
16:06I would travel the world.
16:08It turned out that having money
16:09didn't guarantee
16:10a ticket to freedom
16:11because you had chains,
16:12because you had no time
16:13of your own.
16:14But right now,
16:15I was finally standing
16:16underneath the breathtaking
16:17red rock canyons of Sedona.
16:19The dry mountain wind
16:20swept across the waters
16:21of Oak Creek,
16:22scattering the shapes
16:23of the clouds in the sky.
16:25I put my earbuds in,
16:27rented a bike,
16:28and rode aimlessly
16:29along the red dirt trails,
16:31past the desert wilderness
16:33covered in cacti's,
16:34the drappled light
16:36filtering through
16:36the pine forests,
16:38and the ancient
16:39weathered rock formations.
16:41A massive crowd of people
16:42escaping high-pressure lives
16:43gathered here.
16:44We wandered through
16:45local artist markets,
16:47browsing handmade clay pottery
16:48and crystal healing booths.
16:50As night fell,
16:51we sat on the ground
16:52under a canopy of stars,
16:54trading our broken stories.
16:56There was a medical student
16:57pushed to the brink
16:58of a bake-down
16:59who dropped out to wander.
17:01She said here,
17:02her days were finally
17:03no longer chopped
17:04into tiny fragments
17:05by scalpels and exams.
17:07There was a man
17:08undergoing a long journey
17:09of healing
17:10from severe trauma.
17:11He said no one knows
17:13what tomorrow holds,
17:15but at least right now,
17:17his soul was regrowing.
17:19We met only briefly,
17:21brushing against
17:21the most hidden,
17:22tender corners
17:23of each other's hearts.
17:24And then,
17:25like the creeks
17:26in the canyons,
17:27flowed our separate ways,
17:29never to cross paths again.
17:31A few days later,
17:32I hiked up Airport Massa
17:34alone to watch the sunrise.
17:36When the first ray of sunlight
17:38pierced the horizon,
17:40it shattered like gold coins
17:41across the crimson canyons.
17:43In my entire life,
17:44I had never felt
17:45the crushing weight
17:46of freedom so profoundly.
17:47No damn alarm clocks.
17:49No endless lists
17:50of Medicaid satyrs
17:51were minds on my phone.
17:52If I wanted to,
17:53I could spend the entire day
17:54just staring blankly
17:55and at the red rocks
17:56in the distance.
17:58Sitting on the shuttle bus,
17:59heading back to the airport,
18:00I dialed Arthur's number.
18:03Serena,
18:05come back quickly.
18:07Silas,
18:08he is in a very,
18:10very bad state.
18:12I ended up making a trip
18:14back to the Vance estate anyway.
18:15When he realized
18:16I was actually gone,
18:18Silas descended
18:18into absolute fury.
18:21He had no idea
18:22how to function on his own.
18:25For instance,
18:26faced with the rows
18:27of prescription bottles
18:28in his medicine cabinet,
18:29he had no clue
18:30how many pills
18:31of each anti-anxiety med
18:32to take daily.
18:33Before,
18:34I was always the one
18:35pouring him a glass of water
18:36and placing the exact dose
18:38into his palm.
18:39He had an important press event
18:40for a new piece that day,
18:41but he couldn't find
18:42the silk tie that matched
18:43his tailored suit
18:44to save his life.
18:45He called my phone frantically,
18:47only to hit a cold voicemail.
18:49Left with no choice,
18:51Arthur threw money
18:52at the problem
18:53and hired a high-end
18:54professional caretaker
18:55named Martha.
18:56But Martha had no idea
18:58how to navigate
18:58Silas's temper
18:59and was left
19:00completely paralyzed
19:01by his outbursts.
19:03When I walked
19:03through the doors,
19:04Simus had visibly
19:05lost a lot of weight,
19:07his jawline sharp
19:08as a blade.
19:08Seeing me,
19:09his face instantly darkened
19:11and he coldly
19:11turned his head away.
19:13What the hell
19:14are you doing back here?
19:15Weren't you leaving?
19:17I hate you.
19:18Liar.
19:20While I was traveling,
19:22Arthur used his connections
19:23to track down
19:24the landlord
19:25of the apartment I rented.
19:26Silas stared at the suitcase
19:27in my hand
19:28and let out a low,
19:29cold scoff.
19:30The Stirlers kicked you
19:31out like trash.
19:32You don't even have
19:33a doghouse to sleep in.
19:35In the end,
19:35you still had to crawl
19:36right back, didn't you?
19:38I couldn't be bothered
19:39to defend myself.
19:40I just silently hauled
19:41my luggage toward
19:42my bedroom.
19:43But the exact second
19:44I turned my back,
19:45the corner of Silas' mouth
19:48unconsciously ticked up.
19:49His tightly coiled mood
19:50seemed considerably lighter,
19:52but he had absolutely
19:53no idea why I was
19:54really back.
19:55If I lost that apartment,
19:56I could find another one.
19:58I could hire a lawyer
19:59if I had to.
19:59I could even grab
20:00my passport,
20:01leave New York entirely
20:02and start fresh
20:03somewhere no one knew me.
20:06Back in Arizona,
20:07Arthur and I had a long
20:08conversation over the phone.
20:09I explicitly told him
20:10I had already consulted
20:11at a divorce attorney.
20:12I could file for divorce
20:14directly with the court.
20:15Even if he unleashed
20:16his legal team
20:16to make me lose
20:17the first round,
20:18I didn't care.
20:19On the other end
20:20of the line,
20:21Arthur descended
20:22into dead silence.
20:23Just when I thought
20:24he was going to hang up
20:25on me,
20:26he finally spoke.
20:27I paid top dollar
20:29for a new caretaker,
20:30but she has zero idea
20:31how to handle
20:32Silas' temper.
20:33Stay and take care of him
20:34for one final month.
20:35Make sure every detail
20:37is properly handed over.
20:39As compensation,
20:40after one month,
20:41I won't have my lawyers
20:42block your divorce filing.
20:44Plus,
20:44I'll have a check cut
20:45for one million dollars
20:46for you.
20:47The deal was simply
20:48too good.
20:49With that money,
20:50I'd have enough
20:51to start a new life anywhere.
20:53I couldn't refuse.
20:55So,
20:56Silas had no idea
20:57this was the final month
20:59I would ever be
20:59in his life.
21:01Thomas told me
21:02that over the two weeks
21:03I was gone,
21:03Silas had barely
21:04touched a proper meal.
21:06But tonight,
21:07sitting at the dining table,
21:08he swallowed down
21:09two portions of pasta.
21:11Mm-hmm.
21:12Praise me.
21:14I pushed down
21:15my emotions
21:16and,
21:17just like every day
21:18for the past five years,
21:19softened my voice.
21:21You did great.
21:22Once he turned
21:23and went into the study,
21:24I immediately grabbed
21:25the new caretaker,
21:26Martha,
21:26and whispered,
21:28he craves
21:29positive reinforcement.
21:30Praise him often.
21:31If he messes something up,
21:32absolutely never
21:33point it out on the spot.
21:34Wait until he's calm
21:35and bring it up
21:36casually later.
21:36Since I came back,
21:38it was as if someone
21:38hit play on Silas'
21:40daily routine again.
21:41He hadn't shown
21:41a single sign
21:42of a manic episode.
21:44Until today,
21:45when Martha
21:45walked into his room
21:46carrying a glass of water
21:47for his meds,
21:48the piercing sound
21:49of shattering glass
21:50suddenly tore
21:51through the walls.
21:51By the time I rushed
21:52into the room,
21:53the floor was a complete
21:54disaster zone.
21:55Shattered glass
21:56and anti-anxiety pills
21:57were scattered everywhere.
21:59Sima stood there barefoot.
22:00A sharp shard of glass
22:01had sliced into
22:02the sole of his foot,
22:03blood steadily trickling
22:04down his skin.
22:05Why is she here?
22:08Why isn't it you?
22:10This is supposed
22:11to be your job.
22:12Why are you
22:13replacing yourself?
22:15I don't want anyone else.
22:17I don't want her.
22:19I only want you
22:20to give me my meds.
22:21Swallowing a sigh,
22:22I turned around,
22:23poured a fresh glass
22:24of warm water,
22:25tapped out the exact dose
22:26and handed it to him.
22:28Watching him
22:28obediently swallow
22:29the pills
22:30and seeing his breathing
22:31finally level down.
22:33Why does it have to be me?
22:35When I saw it wasn't you
22:36walking in,
22:36I got a little scared.
22:39What were you scared of?
22:42I was scared you were
22:43handing me off
22:44to someone else.
22:44His grip on my wrist
22:46tightened.
22:47And then you would just leave
22:48and you wouldn't want me anymore.
22:50Silas was still death-gripping
22:51my sleeve like a drowning man.
22:52From now on,
22:53it has to be you every day.
22:54No replacements.
22:56Promise me you won't leave.
22:57I truly didn't have
22:58an ounce of energy left
22:59to clean up the wreckage
23:00of his emotions.
23:01Okay, I promise.
23:02I won't leave.
23:03No replacement.
23:04That noon,
23:05I saw Chloe again.
23:07He's been looking
23:07for this piece forever.
23:09Please give it to him for me.
23:11Simus is right upstairs.
23:12Why don't you
23:12take it in yourself?
23:13No.
23:14He doesn't want
23:15to see me anymore.
23:17Serena.
23:18I fell in love with Silas.
23:19It was obvious, wasn't it?
23:20I nodded.
23:21I'd have to be blind
23:22not to see it.
23:23When I first saw him
23:24at Lincoln Center,
23:25everyone around him
23:26was in groups.
23:27He was the only one
23:28standing there
23:29entirely alone,
23:30completely out of sync
23:31with the rest of the world.
23:34I locked onto his face
23:35in the crowd instantly.
23:39Mistakes.
23:40Mistakes.
23:41When I found out
23:42his phone was dead,
23:44I immediately jumped
23:45at the chance
23:46and offered to take him home.
23:47I'm not stupid.
23:48Two sentences
23:49into our conversation,
23:50I realized his brain
23:51was wired differently
23:52than normal people.
23:53But I actually found
23:54that incredibly charming.
23:56He was so pure,
23:57completely unfiltered.
23:59After you moved out,
24:00Arthur Vance contacted me himself.
24:02He told me you had
24:02filed for divorce.
24:03When I heard that news,
24:05I was secretly thrilled.
24:06I told him that
24:07since he wanted a divorce,
24:08he should just let you go.
24:09I told him I was more than willing
24:10to take over the responsibility
24:11of caring for him.
24:13But do you know
24:14what the outcome was?
24:17Do you want to come inside
24:18for a cup of coffee?
24:24I baked him a strawberry
24:25shortcake from scratch.
24:27He stared at it
24:27for a long time
24:28and then he actually
24:29turned to me
24:29and said that strawberries
24:30were your favorite.
24:33Strawberries were her favorite.
24:36But do you know
24:37what absolutely broke me?
24:39And then what?
24:41I asked him point the bound
24:43if he was ever going
24:43to divorce you.
24:44Absolutely not.
24:49I think I really
24:50lost my mind that night.
24:51I was just so desperate
24:52to prove that he had
24:53feelings for me too.
24:54So I barged right
24:55into his bedroom
24:56and stripped off my clothes
24:57right in front of him.
24:58I told him if he wanted to,
25:00he could try.
25:01Right before he kicked me out,
25:02he was so furious,
25:03the vines in his neck
25:04were popping.
25:05I thought you were better
25:05than all those shallow women,
25:07but you're just as
25:07goddamn Sam Chief!
25:08I never want to
25:09lay eyes again!
25:11As I was being thrown
25:12out the front doors,
25:13I looked back.
25:14He was curled up
25:15on the sofa,
25:16buried in that pile
25:16of plushies you made,
25:17and he was very,
25:18very softly
25:19calling your name.
25:20When I first fell
25:21for a married man,
25:22I could still brainwash myself.
25:23I told myself Silas
25:25didn't love you at all,
25:26that you used
25:27a marriage contract
25:27to chain a socially
25:29enalved genius
25:29to your side.
25:31In love,
25:32the one who isn't loved
25:33is the real homewrecker.
25:34Lately,
25:35Silas had become
25:36unusually clingy.
25:37He would even rack
25:38his brain awkwardly
25:39trying to strike up
25:40conversations with me
25:41out of thin air.
25:42Where'd you go
25:43during the half month
25:44you disappeared?
25:44I opened my phone gallery
25:46showing him the photos
25:46and videos from Sedona.
25:48I don't like spock,
25:49my leg is,
25:49like traveling mobile.
25:50Fine.
25:51You'll have your legs,
25:52right?
25:53It'll fill it next here.
25:56It's just stivio
25:57seeing as if
25:57you're going to laugh at it.
25:59The designs
25:59were incredibly aesthetic.
26:01If you had been there,
26:02you definitely would have
26:02taken a second look.
26:04Have you ever seen
26:05native pottery,
26:06pressing and bowprint
26:06pressing,
26:07or wood board prints?
26:08Look,
26:09this clay figurine
26:10is one I made myself.
26:11Isn't it meaningful?
26:12I opened my phone gallery
26:13showing him the photos
26:14and videos from Sedona,
26:16sharing the moments
26:16that brought me back to life.
26:18Have you ever seen
26:19native pottery,
26:20botanical pressing,
26:21or wood board prints?
26:22Look,
26:23this clay figurine
26:25is one I made myself.
26:26Isn't it meaniesly?
26:27I even went foraging
26:29in the forest
26:29with a local guide.
26:30We hiked along the creek
26:31all afternoon
26:32and picked a basket
26:33full of wild berries
26:34and mushrooms.
26:35It was the first time
26:36I so viscerally felt
26:38that just being alive
26:39could being alive
26:40could be this rewarding.
26:41Oh, sorry.
26:42Am I talking too much too much?
26:44It's fine.
26:45Keep talking.
26:46I'm listening.
26:47He just sat there quietly,
26:48listening to me
26:49animatically described
26:50the red rocks,
26:51the wild winds,
26:52and the starry skies.
26:52When I finally finished,
26:54he suddenly asked,
26:56Do you really love
26:57traveling that much?
26:59Without a shed of hesitation,
27:00I nodded emphatically.
27:02His eyes darkened slightly.
27:03I always feel like
27:04I'm only safe
27:05when I'm inside my own house,
27:06but it's fine.
27:07We can try.
27:08Try what?
27:11Lately,
27:12he barely went
27:13to his studio downtown anymore,
27:14preferring to stay
27:15holed up in the house all day.
27:16That afternoon,
27:18he suddenly yelled my name
27:19from the study.
27:20I walked to the doorway,
27:22asking him from across the hall
27:23what he wanted.
27:24What do you want?
27:25He pushed the heavy oak door open
27:27and waved me over.
27:28Come in.
27:29My feet instantly nailed
27:31to the floor.
27:31My brain immediately flashed back
27:33to the terrifying image
27:35of the last time
27:35I accidentally stepped
27:36into the study,
27:37his manic episode.
27:39The veins popping in his neck,
27:40him screaming at me
27:41to get the hell out.
27:51The glow of the setting sun
27:53poured through the floor
27:54to cleaning windows,
27:55hitting him straight in the back,
27:57bathed in the backlit sunset.
27:59The tips of his hair
28:00was dyed a piercing pale gold.
28:02His thick,
28:03butterfly-wing lilashes lowered,
28:04fingers leaping across
28:05the black and white keys,
28:06notes cascading from his fingertips
28:08like a waterfall.
28:09There are people in this world
28:10who are completely tone-deaf,
28:11like me.
28:12I didn't understand
28:13adagios, lagawis,
28:14or incredibly complex
28:15chord structures.
28:22Did it sound good?
28:24It did.
28:25It was really beautiful.
28:27It's just a rough draft.
28:29It's far from perfect.
28:31If I tweak the harmonies,
28:32it will be better.
28:35What's the name of the piece?
28:37I haven't decided yet.
28:39This piece,
28:40it was written for you.
28:41Your birthday is in a few days.
28:43This is your gift.
28:44My breath hitched in my throat.
28:45Never in my wildest dreams
28:46did I expect him
28:47to give me a gift like this.
28:48Do you know why I am
28:49the way I am?
28:50I had asked Arthur
28:51about his condition before.
28:53The shrewd old man
28:54brushed it off,
28:54telling me that a negligent maim
28:56caused Silas Silic
28:57catch a severe fever
28:57when he was little,
28:58damaging his brain.
29:00His fingers began
29:01to tremble violently.
29:02Just recalling the past
29:04was already draining
29:05every ounce of oxygen
29:06from his lungs.
29:07It's okay.
29:08If it's too painful,
29:10you don't have to
29:10force yourself to say it.
29:12I have to say it.
29:13I want you to know.
29:14Back then,
29:15my dad pursued my mom
29:16like a madman
29:17for four straight years
29:18before she finally
29:19withstood her family's pressure
29:20and agreed to marry him.
29:21But just two years
29:22into their marriage,
29:23my mom found out
29:24that the man
29:24who swore he loved her
29:25was keeping mistresses
29:26on the side.
29:29The first time he got caught,
29:30my mom completely broke down.
29:32My dad dropped to his knees,
29:33crying and sworing
29:34he would change.
29:36But then came
29:37the second time,
29:37the third time,
29:38the fourth time.
29:39I even,
29:40I even walked in on my dad
29:42and some disgusting woman
29:43on the couch
29:43in our own house.
29:44God, it was so fucking sickening.
29:47My mom couldn't take
29:48the endless humiliation anymore,
29:50so she packed us up
29:51and moved out.
29:52But my dad tracked us down
29:53like a ghost,
29:54dropping to his knees again,
29:55begging for forgiveness.
29:56For my sake,
29:57my mom caved again
29:58and took me back
29:59to that house.
29:59But the second we moved back,
30:01she found out my dad
30:01had never cut things off
30:02with that woman.
30:06Even during the days
30:07he was crying
30:07outside our apartment,
30:08begging my mom
30:09to come home,
30:10he had his mistress
30:10stashed in a hotel nearby.
30:12My mom was in my room
30:14coaxing me to sleep
30:15while my dad was
30:15in the very next room
30:16fucking that woman.
30:17At this point,
30:19Sima snapped his eyes open,
30:20the depths of them
30:21filled with a chilling despair.
30:22But this time,
30:23my mom didn't cry
30:24and she didn't throw things.
30:25She was as calm
30:25as a corpse.
30:26She even suggested
30:27the three of us
30:28took a family vacation
30:28out of state.
30:30That night,
30:31in a completely
30:31unfamiliar city,
30:32in an unfamiliar
30:34hotel suite.
30:36My dad,
30:37covered in blood,
30:38fought back
30:38like a madman.
30:39He clamped his hands
30:40around my mom's throat,
30:41strangling her.
30:43And me?
30:45My mom had deadbolted me
30:46out on the balcony
30:47beforehand.
30:49I pounded on the glass door,
30:51screaming until my throat
30:52tore,
30:53but I couldn't get in.
30:54All I could do
30:55was watch.
30:56In the gossip circles
30:57of the New York elite,
30:58the Vanser's love story
30:59was a modern fairy tale.
31:00Back then,
31:01Richard Vance Sother
31:02was set for a business alliance
31:03but fell in love
31:04at first sight
31:05with a girl
31:05from an unordinary background.
31:06The girl didn't want
31:07to be dragged
31:08into the mud of old money
31:09and flatly refused.
31:10Richard relentlessly
31:11pursued her
31:11for four entire years
31:13before his devotion
31:14finally won her over.
31:15After the wedding,
31:16they were famous
31:16for being incredibly in love.
31:18It wasn't long
31:19before they had
31:19the Vance family heir,
31:21Silas.
31:22But sadly,
31:22the good die young.
31:24The public story
31:25was that during
31:25a family vacation,
31:26Simas' mother
31:27suffered a sudden
31:28fatal heart attack.
31:29Unable to bear the agony
31:30of losing the love
31:31of his life,
31:32Richard shot himself
31:32in their hotel room,
31:33dying for love.
31:35But who the fuck
31:36would have guessed
31:37that beneath this
31:37sickeningly sweet fairy tale
31:38lay nothing but betrayal,
31:40murder,
31:40and absolute glore?
31:41And the Silas
31:42who was locked on the balcony
31:43forced to watch
31:44his parents slaughter each other
31:45was only six years old?
31:46His mind simply couldn't handle
31:48that kind of devastating impact.
31:50Serena,
31:52I'm tearing this open
31:53to show you
31:53because I want you
31:53to know me,
31:54the absolute entirety of me,
31:55including the ugliest,
31:56most rotting scars.
31:57I know I'm sick,
31:58severely sick,
31:59but I'll take my meds.
32:00I'll fight like hell
32:01to overcome it.
32:03From now on,
32:03you can walk into this study
32:04whenever you want.
32:05I will absolutely
32:06never scream at you again.
32:07If you want,
32:08you can hold my hand too.
32:09I swear to God,
32:10I won't shake you off.
32:11I'll take my pills on time
32:12like a normal person.
32:13I won't explode at you
32:14like a lunatic anymore.
32:15Serena,
32:15let's go on a trip together.
32:16I want to try for you
32:17to go to a completely
32:18unfamiliar place,
32:19and after we make it back alive,
32:20I'll give you
32:21a proper birthday.
32:22Holding my hand
32:23in a vite grip,
32:23he opened the tablet
32:24on his desk
32:25and stared dead
32:25at the cities on the map,
32:27treating it with the same
32:28absolute rigority
32:29as his sheet music.
32:31I walked out the hallway,
32:33dialed Arthur's number,
32:34and told him Silas
32:35had initiated
32:36a trip out of state.
32:41Is the handover
32:42with Martha
32:43completely finished?
32:44Right now,
32:44there was less than
32:45a week left
32:46of the final 30 days
32:47I had promised to stay.
32:48If I went on this trip
32:50with Silas now,
32:50the exact second
32:51we landed at the airport
32:52and returned to the estate
32:53would be the exact second
32:55I dragged my suitcase away
32:56and walked out
32:57of his life forever.
32:58Every dosage,
32:58every detail Martha
32:59needed to know,
33:00I've already handed over perfectly.
33:01I swallowed the dryness
33:02in my throat and replied,
33:02Arthur gave a heavy,
33:03hmm,
33:04over the phone.
33:05Since he's willing
33:05to step out of this house,
33:06go,
33:07take him to see
33:07the outside world.
33:08Silas and I studied
33:09the map for a long time.
33:11In the end,
33:11we decided to fly
33:12to the vast wilderness
33:13of Montana.
33:14Silas studied travel guides
33:16with the same exacting riggery
33:17he brought to
33:18complex sheet music,
33:19putting together
33:20an insanely detailed
33:21itinerary.
33:22He even dug out
33:23an expensive DSR camera
33:24specifically for this.
33:26I can take pictures of you.
33:27He was an absolute
33:27control freak.
33:28He was an itinerary
33:29was packed airtight.
33:30He had even pre-decided
33:31exactly what calorie count food
33:33we would eat
33:33for every single meal
33:34on every single day.
33:35When we stepped
33:36into the first class cabin,
33:37I could distinctly feel
33:38Silas's breathing
33:39start to hitch.
33:41Maybe it was
33:41the severe trauma
33:42of being deadbolt
33:43on that balcony
33:44watching a slaughter unfold,
33:46but he violently rejected
33:47any confined space
33:48he couldn't escape from.
33:49A plane isn't a road trip.
33:51Once it takes off,
33:52you don't even have the power
33:52to tell them to pull over.
33:53If you feel even slightly panicked,
33:55we get off right now.
33:56Don't fucking force it.
33:57I'm fine.
33:58We're going.
33:59I don't want to ruin
34:00your mood again.
34:00After finally landing,
34:02we chartered an SUV
34:03and bounced along
34:03desolate highways
34:04for four straight hours
34:05before reaching
34:06the National Park Reserve
34:07in Montana.
34:07The entire ride,
34:09every single nerve
34:09in Silas's body
34:11was pulled as tight
34:11as a bowstring.
34:12Serena, I'm fine.
34:13After arriving
34:14at our hotel suite,
34:15I went into the bathroom
34:16alone to take a hot shower
34:18and wash off the exhaustion.
34:26Hearing the bathroom door open,
34:28his head snapped up
34:29like he'd been electrocuted.
34:31Desperate to hide his breakdown,
34:32he sucked in
34:33two massive breaths of air,
34:34frantically ripped open
34:35his suitcase,
34:36tapped out two strong
34:37anti-anxiety pills
34:38and swallowed them dry
34:39without water.
34:41I'm going to take a shower too.
34:42I'm fine.
34:43I'm really fine.
34:44Don't worry.
34:45Do you need me to tell
34:45you a bedtime story?
34:46No need.
34:47I'm about to fall asleep.
34:47You go to sleep too.
34:48Tomorrow,
34:49we'll go look at
34:49the planes together.
34:51But the next morning,
34:52the heavy,
34:53almost bruised-looking
34:54Darkles under his eyes
34:54instantly exposed the fact
34:56that he had stared
34:56at the clayling
34:57all night until dawn.
34:58He couldn't even choke down
34:59a piece of toast
35:00for breakfast,
35:00yet he hid in the bathroom,
35:01secretly throwing pills
35:02down his throat
35:03multiple times.
35:04Don't look at me.
35:05Look over there.
35:06Walk over a bit.
35:07I'll take a picture of you
35:08with the camera.
35:09He raised the heavy DSVR,
35:11but his index finger
35:12resting on the shutter
35:13was shaking wildly,
35:14completely out of his control.
35:16Jesus,
35:16why does his face
35:17look so awful?
35:18He looks like
35:18he's got severe
35:18altitude sickness.
35:19No way, right?
35:20The altitude here
35:21isn't even 2,000 meters.
35:23I just need a little more
35:24time to adjust.
35:24I'm really fine.
35:25He forced himself
35:26to pull me along,
35:27taking over a dozen photos,
35:28but every time
35:28he checked the screen,
35:29his brows furled tighter.
35:30This isn't right.
35:31I asked him softly
35:32what exactly was wrong.
35:33He didn't answer.
35:33His fingers,
35:34driven by extreme anxiety,
35:35were twisting the hem
35:36of his windbreaker
35:36so hard he was
35:37practically tearing the fabric.
35:38Kids these days
35:39will literally die
35:40for a photo.
35:41Your boyfriend's face
35:42is as white as corpse.
35:43Instead of rushing him
35:43to a hospital,
35:44you're actually making him
35:44hold that damn camera
35:45for your photo shoot?
35:46Serena,
35:47let's take pictures later.
35:48Let's just take a walk first,
35:49okay?
35:50I watched their
35:51retreating backs,
35:53suppressing the bitter
35:54ache in my chest
35:55and sighed softly.
35:58They look so damn free.
35:59Hearing that,
36:00Silas suddenly grinted
36:01his teeth.
36:02He tried to speed up
36:02his pace,
36:03forcing himself to run
36:04with me across
36:04this wilderness,
36:05but this damn,
36:06completely exposed,
36:07unfamiliar environment
36:08terrified him.
36:09Every step he took
36:11was as stiff
36:11as walking through
36:12a minefield.
36:13Serena,
36:14you run.
36:14I'll just stand right here
36:15and capture it
36:16on camera for you.
36:17Forget it.
36:18Let's just walk slowly.
36:19That afternoon,
36:20I decided to try
36:21horseback riding.
36:22The horse picked up
36:23its hooves,
36:24gradually accelerating
36:24from a walk
36:25to a brisk trot.
36:27Silas gripped
36:27the camera tight,
36:28the shutter clicking wildly,
36:30one after another.
36:31Completely swallowed
36:32by the adrenaline rush
36:33of riding against the wind.
36:35I slowly closed my eyes,
36:36trying to feel
36:37even one second
36:38of fake freedom.
36:39Right then,
36:40a blood-cripping,
36:41distorted scream
36:41violently tore
36:42through the cold air
36:43and slammed
36:43into my eardrums.
36:44I jerked the reins hard
36:45and snapped my head around.
36:46It was Silas' voice.
36:48Silas had a full-blown
36:49manic episode.
36:50The trigger that set him off
36:51was a couple standing nearby.
36:53For whatever bullshit reason,
36:54the couple suddenly started
36:55arguing violently
36:55on the grass.
36:56The man lowered his voice
36:57and cursed,
36:58saying he was gonna
36:58beat the hell out of her
36:59the second they got
37:00back to the hotel.
37:01The woman screamed
37:02like a maniac,
37:03pointing right in his face,
37:04yelling that if he dared
37:05to leave,
37:06she would stab a knife
37:07straight through his heart.
37:08When the man violently
37:09shoved the woman
37:10to the ground,
37:11Silas' sanity
37:12completely snapped.
37:13He charged forward
37:14like a lunatic,
37:15blocking the man's path.
37:16Once Silas went into
37:17a full-blown PTSD episode,
37:19he lost all ability
37:20to control himself.
37:21I held him tight,
37:22whispering reassurances
37:23in his ear over and over,
37:25fighting like hell
37:25to pull him back
37:26from that bloody
37:26childhood hallucination.
37:28It wasn't until the sun
37:28completely sank below the horizon
37:30that his violently shaking body
37:31finally started to calm down.
37:32I'm so sorry,
37:33I messed up,
37:33I made you worry.
37:34Taking a trip with me
37:35is just an absolute disaster,
37:37isn't it?
37:38No, it's not that bad.
37:40I looked at the photos
37:40from your trip to Arizona
37:41and those pictures,
37:42your smile was so full of life,
37:43but after you came back
37:44to our so-called home,
37:45you never smiled like that again.
37:47I wanted to see you smile,
37:50so I forced you
37:51to come on this trip,
37:52but through my camera lens,
37:54your eyes look dead.
37:56You look nothing like
37:57the radiant girl
37:58in those stranger's phones.
38:00When you were riding
38:00the horse just now,
38:01I tried so hard
38:02and I finally got one shot
38:03I was satisfied with,
38:04but I took exactly
38:04one fucking photo
38:05before I had an episode.
38:07Serena, I'm a piece of trash.
38:08I'm so damn useless.
38:09Chained to me,
38:10you have to be on edge
38:11even on a vacation.
38:11You don't even get to relax
38:12for a single second.
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