00:00The first day of SAT testing was over, and Zach, who had never once missed a study session in three
00:05years,
00:06had agreed to spend the night with a girl who met at a club.
00:08Her name was Nora. She had texted him that morning about a surprise for his 18th birthday.
00:13A celebration, she called it.
00:14I had heard the real version earlier that day, at the diner down the street.
00:19Tonight, I am going to make sure that straight-edge boy can barely walk by morning.
00:23No way he makes it to his exam.
00:26I went straight to Zach. I told him what I had heard.
00:29I begged him not to go. He looked at me like I was something stuck to the bottom of his
00:33shoe.
00:34Jade, this is Nora's gift to me. You go be a good girl if you want. Stop getting in the
00:40way of my happiness.
00:41So I went to his parents instead. I told them everything.
00:44They kept him home that night and drove him to the testing center themselves the next morning.
00:48He sat his exams. He got into Harvard.
00:51Nora, her plan wrecked, got blackout drunk instead.
00:55They found her behind a bar at 2 in the morning. She was already gone.
00:59Zach never forgave me. He invited me over that summer.
01:02Said he needed a friend. There was something in my drink.
01:05Three guys were waiting.
01:07Zach stood at the entrance to the alley with his hands in his pockets and kept watch the whole time.
01:11My parents could not survive what came after. The rumors. The looks.
01:16One day, they took every pill in the house and did not wake up.
01:20Zach filmed it. He brought the video to my hospital room and played it on his phone while he stood
01:25at the foot of my bed.
01:26I want your whole family to pay for what you did to Nora.
01:31He jumped from the hospital room that night.
01:34The last thing I saw was the smile he did not bother to hide.
01:39And then I woke up.
01:41My breath came short and uneven.
01:43My heart was pounding so hard I could feel it in my throat.
01:47Jade, what's your problem?
01:48Can you stop making a scene every single time a girl comes near me?
01:51I looked down at my hands, skin whole, both legs working.
01:55I had really come back.
01:56This was the classroom.
01:58The last day of the first SAT session.
02:01The same afternoon I had lived through once before and paid for with everything I had.
02:05I was not going to make the same mistake twice.
02:09Come on, man. Cut Jade some slack.
02:11She can't help being jealous.
02:13It's only natural.
02:16Nora has something special planned for my birthday tonight.
02:19I am going to ace tomorrow's paper for sure.
02:21I already knew exactly what Nora's surprise really was.
02:25I looked at Zach's bright, expected face and felt nothing but calm.
02:29Go have fun.
02:31I am sure you will perform brilliantly tomorrow.
02:33That clearly was not the answer he expected.
02:37I quietly gathered my things and stood up to leave.
02:40A hand came down hard on my shoulder and shoved me back into the chair.
02:45Want to run and tell my parents again?
02:47I will hold on to this.
02:49Say one word tonight.
02:51And you will not be sitting that examst.
02:55Zach, you know what this test means to me.
02:57Do not use my future as a threat.
02:59His grip loosened for just a second.
03:02Then his friends started goading him and the moment closed.
03:08You brought this on yourself.
03:09He walked out.
03:10His friends followed, laughing all the way down the hall.
03:13I picked up both halves of the ticket, walked to the trash can, and let them go.
03:21Mr. Calloway, I want to accept the Columbia early admission offer.
03:27No one gets to destroy my future for me because I had already made sure I did not need his
03:34permission to have one.
03:35I got home to find my parents already half relieved before I even finished explaining.
03:40They had been quietly worried ever since I gave up the Columbia offer to take the SATs alongside Zach.
03:46Now at least things had righted themselves.
03:50Jade, has Zach contacted you?
03:53He said he would be back and now he is not picking up.
03:55Honey, aren't you two always together?
03:57Mrs. Carter, I really do not know.
03:59They left a moment later, adrift.
04:03You two had a fight?
04:04You actually have no idea where he is?
04:07I knew exactly where Zach was.
04:09Sinking deeper into a trap he had walked into with his eyes wide open.
04:13The next morning, dad brought me to the testing center early.
04:16He is the school district's medical officer and volunteers at these things.
04:19I could already see Zach's parents pacing.
04:22His mother spotted me and pushed through the crowd.
04:24Jade, he never came home last night.
04:27You were with him yesterday.
04:28Please, he must have said something.
04:30Jade, the first session starts in 20 minutes.
04:33If you know anything at all...
04:34I looked at both of them.
04:36Their eyes were red.
04:37Behind them, something in the back of my mind,
04:39was a flash of my parents lying still on the kitchen floor.
04:42I pressed my nails into my palm and slowly shook my head.
04:46I genuinely do not know where he is.
04:52I already knew it was too late.
04:54Nora had never intended for Zach to show up to that exam.
04:57The testing center doors closed.
04:58Zach had not made it through them.
05:00His mother had given up her career around his schedule.
05:03His father worked three jobs,
05:05slept three hours a night for over a decade.
05:08When the doors locked, she collapsed onto the pavement.
05:11The sound that came out of her was not crying.
05:13It was something lower than that.
05:15With 15 minutes left in the morning session,
05:17Zach stumbled into view at the edge of the parking lot.
05:23Where were you?
05:25Where were you?
05:28Mom, it was JD.
05:30She confessed to me and I turned her down.
05:32She lost it.
05:33Drugged me.
05:34Locked me in a hotel room.
05:36I just woke up.
05:37She did this.
05:38She ruined my life.
05:40Before the shock finished moving through my body,
05:43his mother was already crossing the lot.
05:46Zach had not expected me to be there.
05:48When our eyes met across the crowd,
05:49he looked away almost instantly.
05:51But I caught it.
05:52The flicker of panic he could not suppress in time.
05:55The memory of my parents hit me all at once.
05:58I moved before I decided to,
06:00stepping in front of them with my arms out.
06:02Do you have any idea what this family sacrificed?
06:0515 years of everything we had,
06:07just so he could have a future and you destroyed it
06:10because he would not want you back.
06:11Dad rushed forward.
06:13Zach's father caught him by the throat
06:15and drove him into the ground.
06:17The crowd pressed in tighter, fists and feet.
06:21Someone had already decided what the story was.
06:23Zach stood at the far edge of the crowd,
06:25head bowed, performing grief,
06:27while the corners of his mouth refused to cooperate.
06:33I thought about something crack.
06:35Dad made a sound I had never heard him make before.
06:38The sound cut something clean inside me.
06:40I thought about the boy who used to leave breakfast
06:42on my desk before first period.
06:44The boy who stood at the senior pep rally, eyes wet.
06:47Harvard together, promise me.
06:49That boy had died the night he met Nora.
06:52I had just been slow to accept it.
06:54I pushed myself off the wall and dug through my bag.
06:57I found my phone.
06:59Nora had sent me a voice message the night before.
07:02No explanation, no text, just the recording.
07:06I turned the volume all the way up.
07:08The parking lot went dead silent.
07:10Nora, I should go.
07:12The exam starts at 8.
07:13You're really going to leave me for a stupid test?
07:21Soft press of a kiss.
07:23Another.
07:24Her voice again, almost a whisper.
07:26Are you seriously going to get up right now?
07:28A long pause.
07:30Then the sound of him pulling her back.
07:32Then Zach's voice one last time.
07:34Low and satisfied.
07:37Nora, this is the best birthday surprise I have ever gotten.
07:41Are we clear now?
07:43The person with Zach last night was Nora.
07:45Not me.
07:46Take a good look.
07:47That is the son you have been defending.
07:59Zach's face was the color of paper.
08:02His mouth was open and nothing came out.
08:06My system logged every hour from 8 last night to 6 this morning.
08:09Every single one.
08:12Your father could not get sick day when he broke two libs on the door.
08:14He went back to the site the next morning.
08:15For you.
08:16For this day.
08:17And you.
08:20Isn't he the one from AP Everything?
08:22Top of the district on the practice exams.
08:24His father broke two ribs at work and didn't call out sick just to keep paying for this kid.
08:28Mr. Calloway exhaled slowly and stepped forward to steady Zach's mother.
08:33He still has two more days of testing.
08:36I was already walking.
08:37My arm around dad toward the ambulance at the curb.
08:40As I passed Zach, his hand shot out and closed around my wrist.
08:48His eyes were completely red.
08:53This is not over, Jade.
08:54I will not let this go.
08:56His voice came out like sandpaper on concrete.
08:59I looked at him for exactly two seconds.
09:02Unwrapped his fingers from my wrist one by one.
09:04Walked my father to the ambulance without looking back.
09:07Dad's face was gray with pain.
09:09He had not said a word about his ribs since Zach's father drove him into the ground.
09:13And he was not saying a word about them now.
09:15That was the most frightening thing of all.
09:18I got him into the ambulance and held his hand the whole way to the hospital.
09:21Last time, I had begged and argued and tried to save Zach from himself.
09:26What I got in return was the end of everything.
09:28This time, I was done.
09:30Come for me if you want, Zach.
09:31I had already set the board.
09:33Graduation week.
09:34The school hallways smelled like cheap perfume.
09:37And all the promises people make right before they scatter.
09:40Zach finished the remaining test sessions under his parents' watch.
09:43On the surface, nothing looked different.
09:45But every time I was alone, his threat came back.
09:48Quiet and persistent.
09:50Like a splinter broken off too deep to reach.
09:53The day scores were released.
09:54I was sorting paperwork for Mr. Calloway when my phone buzzed.
09:58Zach.
09:58Jade, I'm leaving the country.
10:00After everything between us, I just want to see you one more time before I go.
10:03Can we meet?
10:05Outside.
10:05Cicadas.
10:06Sunlight through leaves.
10:08The last time he sent me something like this, I was 19 and still thought he meant it.
10:12A second message.
10:14The old house out on Route 9.
10:15You know the place.
10:16My hand went still.
10:18My nails pressed into my palm.
10:19That house on Route 9.
10:21Last time, that was exactly where he ended me.
10:26And now, he had chosen the same place again.
10:29I typed one word back.
10:31Sure.
10:31This time, the one falling into the dark would not be me.
10:35Before I left, I texted mom at the hospital, where she had been keeping dad company.
10:39Hey, Zach is leaving town.
10:41Going to say a quick goodbye.
10:43Back by dinner.
10:43I read her reply, then opened Zach's next message.
10:47Don't forget what we used to mean to each other, Jade.
10:49That phrase.
10:50That tone.
10:51It used to do something to me.
10:53Now, it just made my stomach turn.
10:55Last time, I fell for that warmth.
10:57I let it walk me right to the edge.
10:59And over.
11:00I was not that girl anymore.
11:01I checked the micro camera I had ordered online the week before.
11:04No bigger than a coat button.
11:06And clipped it inside my jacket pocket.
11:08I grabbed my bag and drove out to Route 9.
11:10None of it would go the way it did before.
11:13Zach was leaning against the porch railing with two bottles of beer, turning them over
11:17in his hands.
11:18He moved fast when he saw me.
11:19Grabbed my bag strap before I could set it down.
11:22His knuckles went white.
11:26Leave it out here.
11:27The day of the exam, you reached into this bag for your phone.
11:29That one move cost me everything.
11:32I just want to say goodbye properly.
11:33Leave it outside for me.
11:35Sure.
11:36Whatever you need.
11:38I watched his fingers, the slight tremor in them, and let the corner of my mouth
11:42lift barely.
11:43He grabbed my arm and pulled me inside.
11:45Before I could reach for my phone, he plucked it out of my jacket pocket and set it on the
11:49table by the door.
11:50Just in case you get any ideas.
11:52He said, almost pleasantly.
11:54He pressed a cold bottle into my hand.
11:56We are both adults now.
11:57Drink with me.
11:59Let's close the book on all of this.
12:00The bottle was sweating in my palm.
12:03Standing there holding it, I understood for the first time exactly why I had not woken up
12:08last time.
12:08The answer had always been in the bottle.
12:11I raised it to my lips and let a small mouthful in.
12:14I let it pool against my cheek and held it there.
12:17I let my body sway just enough.
12:20I feel dizzy.
12:21I reached for his sleeve.
12:23I could feel his breathing change when my hand closed on the fabric.
12:26Quicken and roughen, in a way he did not try to hide.
12:30His palm landed on my back, steering me toward the stairs.
12:33He have carried me up.
12:35The moment his back was turned on the stairs, I spit the mouthful into my sleeve.
12:39When the bedroom door clicked shut, the gentleness dropped off his face like a mask hitting the
12:44floor.
12:44He shoved me onto the bed.
12:46In the dim light, his eyes were the eyes of something that had been waiting a long time.
12:53He leaned close, breath hot against my ear.
12:56Jade, you finally walked into my hands.
13:01I said there would be consequences.
13:05I meant every word.
13:08Then I heard him snap his fingers.
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