- 7 hours ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:03Friends are like stars.
00:05Even when you can't see them, you know they're still there.
00:09And Mike's star will continue to shine for all of us.
00:15Goodbye, Mike.
00:27Do you think we're meant to go on?
00:29Done.
00:32I don't think we're meant to go on.
00:36Do we have to?
00:37Yeah.
01:01Do you think April did save him?
01:03I talked to that man in the foyer and he was very, very boring.
01:06Yeah, probably.
01:08When I die, I don't want any of this truth bullshit.
01:11I only want superlatives.
01:13He was a risk taker.
01:15Always the coolest guy in the room.
01:17He was generous to a fault.
01:18You will need to say that one probably because no one will actually think that.
01:21You aren't going to die and you're my best friend ever.
01:24And if there was a flood, I would husk out my own mother's body and use it as a canoe
01:30to get you to safety.
01:31I appreciate that.
01:34Tomorrow!
01:37Tomorrow!
01:38Tomorrow!
01:39Tomorrow!
01:49Tomorrow!
01:53Tomorrow!
01:55Tomorrow!
01:56Tomorrow!
01:57Tomorrow!
02:00Tomorrow!
02:01Tomorrow!
02:05Tomorrow!
02:07our friend died sorry you to stay down here I'll get it
02:59hey so you're a ghost did you think being in a crouch position would help you with that
03:03yeah I do find it sometimes helps very useful against ghosts I didn't know you're living here
03:09again I'm not I just spoke up with Yanis oh who's Yanis he is my ex I'm doing my masters
03:18with him
03:19I'm sorry it's fine he had the mean gene oh well fuck him then oh when'd you get a dog
03:27hey it's Nancy's dog so cute how is Nancy uh she's um thriving I would say since we divorced
03:35four years ago still walking her dog yeah well I miss the dog more than I miss Nancy
03:41sorry mom didn't say you got a divorce so you're with anyone now nope no why is that I like
03:50to think
03:50it's because women are intimidated by my boyish good looks but um it's probably more to do with
03:54the fact that I find it hard to commit emotionally and um I also use humor as a shield
04:02uh oh and uh apparently I can be quite selfish and that comes from two different people so
04:08that's something I'm working on a lot of reasons yeah many reasons
04:14are you sure you want to do that last time you got very anxious
04:18I'll be fine it won't be a big one
04:23Steve's he's not really upset I just feel like I should be there for him
04:29you're such a good friend
04:31I know right
04:34and you're the best of us friend
04:39maybe if we wake up early we can have sex in the morning
04:45sounds good
04:58love you
05:00love you
05:02oh Al could you close the door please
05:09what are you doing Al
05:11I'm putting a glass of water
05:12you woke me up
05:13oh look at you and your
05:15but calm those and your sweet hair
05:17oh man
05:20sorry sorry
05:21go back to bed you've got to school tomorrow
05:22love you
05:24if you only want one marshmallow
05:26found it
05:29found what
05:31what are you doing here
05:32what's happened
05:33uh Yanis and I broke up
05:36yeah I'm fine
05:37I feel absolutely no urge to rip his head off and shit in his neck
05:41oh great
05:43I've decided he has borderline personality disorder
05:45sounds right
05:46so would it be okay if I moved back in
05:50just for a couple weeks
05:50of course yay
05:51I mean not you know
05:53yay
05:54but yay
05:56thanks
06:00so um we were just about to go back to this thing um for Mike
06:04a bunch of us um you know telling stories about him
06:08and but we totally
06:10I mean we don't have to go out
06:12if you'd like me to stay and keep you company
06:15yeah I'd love for you to stay
06:20I'm joking
06:21I'm 26 I'll be fine
06:23okay
06:23if you're sure
06:24yes I'm sure
06:25yeah
06:27have fun
06:34how old is this cut
06:35uh I don't know
06:36I think you had the same bag in 2005
06:39I'm gonna wait
06:40for what
06:42oh my god
06:44are you waiting to see if I die from the off coke
06:47yeah
06:51I'll miss you
06:54our friend died
06:55he was in his 50s
06:56do you think that's old
06:58we used to go out with each other
06:59a long time ago
07:00we've known each other for over 30 years
07:02we went at the hacienda
07:04she was on the podium
07:05giving it the other
07:08these people you're standing with
07:10might be your best friends to your 50
07:13how old do you think we are
07:16I don't know like 60
07:17fuck you
07:1860
07:19we don't look 60
07:22they have no idea how cool we are
07:25I'm a clothes designer
07:26he invented the Nicole Richie Bob
07:28he's Steve Wild
07:30Steve Steve Wild
07:31you had the Wild volumizer
07:33you think you're gonna be cool
07:35when you're older
07:36most of you won't be
07:37won't be
07:38won't be
07:38might be
07:39won't be
07:40won't be
07:41won't be
07:41might be
07:42won't be
07:42will be
07:43are there any good jobs
07:45where people stand the whole time
07:46the doctor
07:46yes
07:47doctors stand
07:48yes
07:48poor traitors
07:49yes
07:49maybe I'll cut people's hair on a stool
07:51no one's ever gonna remember my unicorn
07:52not a manly job son
07:53your daddy's an arsehole
07:57I wish I was in love
07:59I wish I was in love
08:01and
08:03and had a baby
08:04just have
08:05you can have a baby
08:07men can have
08:08babies till they're 90
08:09just have a baby
08:11with who
08:12there are billions of people
08:13out there
08:14it's possible
08:15that you won't meet
08:16one you like
08:17anybody would be lucky
08:18to have you
08:19women our age
08:20can't have babies
08:21so there you go
08:22no baby for Steve
08:23so get a younger one
08:24I don't want a younger
08:25a younger one
08:26why not
08:27younger women are just
08:27older women
08:29younger
08:29oh no
08:31no
08:31no don't Alice
08:32no don't
08:33I'm not in the mood
08:34no I am
08:35I'm not
08:36I'm gonna find you
08:37someone to love
08:39you deserve to be loved
08:40no I'm not even sure
08:41that I do
08:43no Alice don't
08:45please don't
08:45Alice don't
08:54sorry to bother you
08:55do you have a boyfriend
08:58no but
08:59I'm straight
08:59yeah yeah
09:00me too
09:01my friend over there
09:03he's quite shy
09:04but he's the best person
09:06in the world
09:06and he's famous
09:07cuts out everybody's hair
09:08he's done
09:09Emily Blunt
09:10Billie Eilish
09:11invented the
09:12Shaggy Bob
09:13the Nicole Richie one
09:15and he's also
09:16the sweetest
09:18kindest man
09:19like ever
09:21and he's got money
09:22and I wondered
09:23if you'd be
09:23wanting to talk to him
09:29okay
09:30really
09:31yeah
09:32okay
09:33yes
09:35yes
09:36she wants to talk to you
09:38no I don't want to
09:39no she's too young
09:40I can't
09:40why
09:41I'm a 50 year old man
09:43and that's when I'm rounding down
09:44no young woman wants a 50 year old man creeping up in there
09:47they treat us like we're orcs
09:49look you are not an orc
09:50I want you to go over there
09:51and woo the shit out of her
09:53that's not a nice phrase
09:54kiss her
09:55and stay up
09:57all night with her
09:58she'd be lucky to have you
10:00go on
10:06wait wait wait
10:06don't take Crosby
10:07remember when little dogs look gay
10:08oh
10:11I don't look after Crosby
10:16hi
10:17I'm Steve from over there
10:18hi
10:18Camilla
10:19Camilla
10:19hi
10:21so you cut hair
10:22well I'm a hairstylist
10:23I styled hair
10:25I don't cut hair
10:26I styled hair with scissors
10:27sorry
10:28I don't know what I'm doing
10:29I don't know why I'm doing a voice
10:30it's not my voice
10:31this is my voice
10:31yeah
10:32you have a nice voice
10:32oh thank you
10:33you too
10:34thank you
10:56hello
10:58how may I help you
11:01are you
11:02Izzy's mum
11:06yes
11:07yes
11:07I am indeed
11:09I'm a one
11:10that I went to take form with her
11:12you were always so hilarious
11:14Mrs. Ashton
11:15oh thanks
11:17oh it's so sweet
11:20lovely to see you again
11:21one
11:22great to see you too
11:31do you know Willie Nelson?
11:34I've been learning Willie Nelson
11:36blue skies
11:38no
11:39no
11:47what happened?
11:49we have nothing in common
11:49how could you not know who the Bee Gees are?
11:53the Bee Gees
11:55where's Crosby?
11:59Crosby?
12:01oh good
12:01Crosby
12:02oh oh oh
12:03come on
12:03wake up little buddy
12:04wake up boy
12:05what's happened?
12:06what's he eating?
12:09fucking hell Alice
12:10you did the course
12:11do mouth and mouth
12:13come on do it
12:13mouth and mouth
12:14I'm doing it
12:17okay
12:17tell me exactly
12:19what Crosby ingested
12:25pills
12:25for my heart
12:26I have a heart condition
12:28and what pills?
12:31can you tell me specifically?
12:34if I give Crosby the wrong medication
12:35it could kill him
12:36he ate cocaine
12:37by accident
12:37it may have been off
12:43Bognor's a really pretty name
12:47what if they arrest us?
12:50we could say it wasn't our coke
12:51it was just on the floor
12:53I would rather go to jail
12:55than Crosby dying
13:01dogs can't eat chocolate
13:02onion
13:03grapes
13:04or class A drugs
13:05you need to be more careful in future
13:07I've given him some diazepam
13:08and there are a few extras here
13:10to give him if he gets distressed
13:11in the night
13:11thank you
13:14I'm so so sorry
13:16it's okay
13:17it's fine
13:18you can't have known
13:18that would happen
13:21is one of Crosby's eyes bigger than the other
13:27don't laugh
13:27it's not funny
13:28I know
13:29I know
13:30have a look
13:32no it's the same
13:33it's the same
13:34it's the same
13:34I'm so sorry
13:38it's okay boy
13:39it's okay
13:40maybe we should both have one of Crosby's eyesopans
13:45I'm joking
13:46give it to me
13:52you need anything else
13:53no
13:54okay well I'll be up for ages
13:56so if you need anything
13:57anything at all
13:58even if Crosby's just upset
14:00you just come and get me
14:01okay
14:04okay
14:06I'm right here if you need me
14:21hello
14:22fuck
14:22scary
14:24I didn't see you
14:25sorry
14:25sorry
14:26Steve here obviously
14:27yeah
14:28yeah your mum said I could stay
14:29it's been a bit of a big night
14:31why are you under the duvet like that
14:33uh
14:34yep
14:34fair question
14:35um
14:36I
14:38noticed very briefly
14:39that
14:40you're not wearing trousers
14:41so I
14:42oh
14:42so I thought this would be less awkward
14:44but it
14:45but it was
14:45yeah
14:46yeah maybe it isn't
14:47okay
14:47well it's all right
14:48don't worry about it
14:49I was just
14:49getting another drink
14:50do you want one
14:53yes please
15:00so
15:01how bad was your day
15:03from one to ten
15:04oh
15:06uh it was a strong eight
15:07what about yours
15:08uh yeah
15:10yeah eight seems about right
15:17thank you
15:30so why did Nancy
15:32break up with you
15:33oh god
15:34um
15:35okay
15:35well
15:36yeah
15:37let's discuss this
15:39apparently
15:40um
15:41I didn't do anything
15:42as in I
15:43only reacted
15:45and also
15:46as a lazy fucker
15:47according to her
15:48who it's not mine
15:49now
15:50what
15:50what about you
15:52um
15:53he said
15:54that I was
15:55too emotional
15:56and that
15:57that I said
15:59sorry and I love you
16:00too much
16:00what a shit you are
16:02I know
16:03how could you do that
16:04to him
16:04yeah
16:05and the sad thing is
16:06I didn't even
16:07really mean it
16:08like
16:09I was just
16:10pretending to be nice
16:11and
16:12hiding all my dark shit
16:14clever move
16:15I do that too
16:16definitely want to hide that
16:20what was the final thing
16:21that pushed him over
16:24I think I was
16:24talking about my wedding
16:27oh
16:27were you
16:28were you guys engaged
16:30no
16:30no
16:31um
16:32I didn't even imagine him being there
16:33I was mostly just thinking about the dress and the hair
16:35who were you marrying
16:36no
16:37really I was
16:38just thinking about the dress and the hair
16:41well if
16:42if you ever need a stylist
16:43free
16:44totally free
16:51I can't believe you're single
16:55if you'd seen me earlier tonight
16:56you would absolutely believe I'm single
16:59and will always be single
17:01I just
17:02I hadn't noticed it before
17:03but
17:04you are weirdly hot
17:06thank you
17:06yeah
17:10I'm not sure
17:12about the use of the word weirdly
17:14weirdly
17:15yeah
17:17maybe you have a weird smell
17:19probably
17:19apparently it's all about smells
17:36smell really nice
17:37thank you
17:37that's nice
17:45do your eyes smell nice
17:51hmm
18:17He never usually leaves this alley.
18:23I can't bear it if he's angry with me.
18:25What? Why would he be angry with you?
18:31I left my bag on the floor and Crosby ate something out of it.
18:36Oh. No, I don't think so.
18:39I saw Crosby last night, seemed completely fine.
18:42And Steve's probably just a bit rattled about Mike and the funeral and stuff.
18:47You're right. Of course you're right.
18:54I love that you're home.
18:57Is it selfish that I'm so happy at your back?
19:00Yes, sir.
19:01Yeah, you're right, of course it is. Sorry.
19:02Am I allowed to go and kill Yanis now?
19:05No.
19:07You do know I'd kill for you, don't you?
19:10I'd happily smoosh his smug little face.
19:15Ooh, maybe that's Steve.
19:17Ooh.
19:23Oh. Hi.
19:25I'm Rome.
19:27Hi.
19:28Hi.
19:29Oh, you're Dom's Fred.
19:31Coming, coming.
19:34My mum gets overly excited, so I'd stick to yes or no answers if I were you.
19:38And if she starts dancing, then look away.
19:46Rome, would you be angry with me if I'd almost killed your dog?
19:53Yes.
19:57I'm gonna call Steve.
20:09Hey, this is Steve Wilde. Please leave a message.
20:12Okay, call me. I'm worried that you were tired and you pulled a towel too hard from your linen closet
20:17and you've been crushed underneath it. Please don't hate me.
20:20Love you. Okay, bye.
20:22Hey, this is Steve Wilde. Please leave a message.
20:25Okay, it's been over two days and now I'm worried that you're dead.
20:28Can you just text me to say you're alive?
20:30Love you.
20:31I love you.
20:33I love you.
21:01I love you.
21:08Oh.
21:10Why are you not answering your phone?
21:13I know I shouldn't have come here, but I'm finding it surprisingly hard to stop thinking about you.
21:19I'm sorry. I should never have-
21:21Oh, don't apologize.
21:22I mean, that was excellent sex, was it not?
21:27Did you like it?
21:30Yeah.
21:31Yeah.
21:31Yeah.
21:31Very much.
21:32Okay.
21:33Very much, but as good as it was, we can never do it again.
21:39You're probably right.
21:41You're right.
21:42Yeah.
21:44Good.
21:45Good.
21:46Yeah.
21:50It was really good though.
21:51Oh my God, it was so good.
21:53It was so good.
21:53Some of those things I had never, ever tried before.
21:56But we can't do them for mum.
21:57No, no, no, no, no.
21:59I'm not saying we keep doing it.
22:01I was just replaying it in my head a little bit.
22:03Because of mum, right.
22:03But we can't do it because your mum is my best friend.
22:06Yeah, no.
22:06So we never tell her?
22:08Oh, no.
22:09No, no.
22:10No, definitely not.
22:12Yes.
22:12I mean, yes.
22:13No, we can't.
22:15We definitely can't tell her.
22:16Just out of interest, if I wasn't her daughter, would you have asked me out?
22:26Yeah.
22:28Okay.
22:30Okay.
22:32Where, where would you have taken me?
22:34To eat food.
22:36I love eating food.
22:37Do you?
22:38We have so much in common.
22:39That's one of the things you would have experienced, but unfortunately you can't.
22:42So.
22:42Well, what's your favourite food?
22:44Italian.
22:44Spaghetti vongole.
22:46I love spaghetti vongole.
22:47Really?
22:48Yes.
22:49Favourite song?
22:50You won't even know the song.
22:51You're too young.
22:52But it always makes me cry.
22:54Blue skies.
22:55Willie Nelson.
22:57Blue skies shining at me.
23:01Nothing but blue skies do I see.
23:12Tell me something I won't like about you.
23:13Quick.
23:14I hate swimming.
23:14Well, I hate swimming too, so that's not good.
23:16I don't like football.
23:17I loathe it.
23:18I hate the cold.
23:18I don't like the cold either.
23:19You'd like the cold.
23:20It's too cold.
23:21I particularly like being too hot either.
23:23Ah, well, I like the heat.
23:26So we're not compatible.
23:27Yeah, I know.
23:28That's good.
23:29That's good.
23:37Someone's at the door.
23:40Are you sure?
23:43Yes.
23:45You should go open the door.
23:46You should open it.
23:48Go.
23:50Go.
23:51Go.
23:59I'm very cross with you.
24:01Now, let me in.
24:02Because I come bearing gifts.
24:07Um, why don't we go for a walk?
24:10Leave this here and we'll go for a nice walk.
24:12What do you mean walk?
24:13No, no walk.
24:14Come on, fire up the telly.
24:15I've got clothes for Crosby.
24:16Wait till you see them.
24:18I've got treats for you both.
24:21Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
24:22Oh, oh, oh, oh.
24:24No.
24:27What are you doing here?
24:31Are you trying to fix our fight?
24:35Oh, darling.
24:36Oh, that's so sweet.
24:37Oh, we're fine, aren't we?
24:39We're fine.
24:40Mm.
24:41Mm-hmm.
24:42I slept with Steve.
24:48Sorry?
24:50We, um, we slept together the night that Steve stood over at Oz.
24:56But it's not what you think.
24:58I like him.
24:59I actually really, really like him.
25:01And I think he might like me.
25:05And I know this must hurt, Mum.
25:06I see that.
25:09But I want to keep seeing him.
25:16That's really funny.
25:30So the bears tested great with the under-60s, but not so well with the H12s.
25:35So we're going to go with the tangerine elastic and the peach sorbet base.
25:42Sorry.
25:44And we were thinking a line green elastic to match the avocado.
25:48That looks like a vagina.
25:51It's an avocado.
25:52I don't think anyone's ever confused an avocado with a vagina.
25:56No.
25:56It's just a hole between two curved lips.
26:00Moving on.
26:01So we're going to do two versions of this.
26:03One with streamers.
26:04One without.
26:05Party time.
26:05Party time.
26:06Sorry.
26:07Are you joking?
26:08Have a party in my pants.
26:10Oh, hello.
26:11I'm six.
26:12But if you like to party in my pants, that's fine.
26:15Why do we even bother making pants?
26:17You know, they could just hang upside down on the monkey bars with their hoo-hahs hanging out.
26:21Do you need a second, Alice?
26:23No.
26:24I'm good.
26:27And if we do go with the bears, we might go a bit lighter on the bear fur, though.
26:31Even a hot pink.
26:32Because people felt this was a bit too brown.
26:35I'll be right back.
26:37Sorry.
26:45Hi, Al.
26:46I'm so sorry.
26:47You are a piggy-eyed, big-nosed, ugly fucking pedo-loser and I hope you fall out of your fucking
26:57window and get pierced in the heart by your railing and that no one comes to your funeral.
27:12Which one of these says, sorry I had sex with your daughter?
27:16Yeah.
27:16Maybe you should just write a letter.
27:18A letter?
27:19Oh, God.
27:20There's a lot of space to fill with a letter.
27:22You could use bubble writing.
27:25You're terrible people.
27:26No.
27:27No, I'm a terrible person.
27:28But it's not like I'm 16.
27:30I'm 26.
27:31Half my age.
27:32I've had tons of sex already.
27:33Well.
27:33That sounds really bad.
27:35I've not had like, I've not had like an insane amount of sex.
27:37I've just, I've had a regular amount of sex.
27:43I'll be sure to mention that in the letter.
28:09There's some food left over if you want some.
28:11I already ate.
28:12Thanks.
28:12Thanks.
28:17Okay.
28:18I know what I did was bad.
28:20And I'm so sorry.
28:21But can we at least talk about it?
28:26I'm just waiting until I'm a little less angry.
28:34I'm just waiting until I'm a little less angry.
28:56He was your best friend until a few weeks ago.
28:59Daniel is ten years younger than you, so it's not that different.
29:03Um, I'm just going to...
29:05Wait.
29:09Okay.
29:12Look, Mum, I know you're angry and you have every right to be.
29:17And if you hate it, we'll stop.
29:19You will.
29:19Well, but we really like each other.
29:24Genuinely.
29:27And we're my favourite person in the world.
29:31So, can you just, can you just forgive me, please, Mum?
29:42Okay.
29:44Okay.
30:04I want to push her tiny hand into the disposal unit.
30:10Can I maim her?
30:13No.
30:14You know, if I tell them they can't see each other, she'll revel in the drama, don't you?
30:19It'll be like Romeo and Juliet.
30:20Oh, alas, if only men could have been together, it would have been the greatest love story I've ever known
30:25to man.
30:26I'm so sorry.
30:32Don't blame her father.
30:35Stupid dog shit weasel of a man.
30:37He didn't know the difference between right and wrong, either.
30:40I'm not sure you can blame a man you only had sex with twice.
30:42What do you think they even talked about?
30:44I had no idea.
30:45I mean, can you imagine him going for dinner in Richmond and going to bed at 9.45?
30:50Or him going to parties and hanging out with Trey and Zulie?
31:04Issy, can I come in?
31:11Um, you're right.
31:14We can't just ignore this, it's happening, so we might as well accept it.
31:23Really?
31:25Yep.
31:27Mum, thank you.
31:30It's really generous of you.
31:31And in the spirit of generosity, I think you should invite him for dinner.
31:39What?
31:41It's not too soon.
31:43No, I think we should rip the band-aid off.
31:46Just normalise it as quickly as possible.
31:53You should invite some of your friends to make it less uncomfortable.
32:05Good, with that confident bingering.
32:14Oh, sorry, I just need to make a phone call.
32:26Hey, everything okay?
32:28I'm actually just in a lesson.
32:29I'm buying food for tonight.
32:30What do you feed a man who's fucked your daughter?
32:33Yeah, um, I'll make a lasagna.
32:36Okay.
32:37Or something.
32:38Yeah.
32:39All right, gotta go.
32:40Okay, bye.
32:42Sorry about that.
32:44Okay, let's go again.
32:45Great, great.
32:49Sorry to interrupt.
32:50Hey, I was just wondering whether you wanted to come on the Antwerp Orchestra trip.
32:53Miss Garstine can't come because of her fibroids.
32:55Uh, sorry, I don't do trips.
32:57Why not?
32:59Uh, should we talk about this another time?
33:01Well, Vivit doesn't care.
33:02Do you, Vivit?
33:07I'm, I'm the main, uh, caregiver at home, so.
33:10Well, so, it's two nights.
33:12Can she not manage two nights?
33:13She works.
33:14You work?
33:16Uh, she's the, the main breadwinner, so.
33:18So, does she make you sleep in a dungeon chained to the wall with a ball gag in your mouth
33:21as well?
33:27Okay, well, um, if you change your mind, let me know.
33:31It's time to do, da, da, da, da.
33:37Right, uh, let's, let's, let's go again.
33:55It's gonna be fine.
33:56Exactly.
33:57Oh, it'll be normal to date your mum's best friend.
34:02Hello.
34:07Is he here yet?
34:08No, not yet, Mum.
34:13Oh, I was so sorry to hear about Janice.
34:17It's Janice, and I'm glad he's gone.
34:19Thanks, Granny.
34:20Nice to see you.
34:24Oh, it's Steve.
34:26I'm gonna go pick him up.
34:28He knows his way here.
34:29He's been here a thousand times.
34:30Yeah, I know.
34:31I just like to pick him up.
34:32That's all.
34:36Isn't this all terribly exciting?
34:47You do realize this is probably a trap.
34:50Oh, she could be trying to work it out.
34:53Yeah.
34:54Yeah.
34:55No, you're right.
34:56This is definitely a trap.
34:58Yeah.
35:00Do you think Daniel's gonna punch me?
35:02Right.
35:03It's if Daniel would ever punch anyone.
35:07Maybe we could show her that this is a good thing.
35:09I like her best friend.
35:11And how nice that she already really, really loves the guy I'm dating.
35:15Hmm.
35:16Yeah.
35:18Okay.
35:20You nervous?
35:23Yeah.
35:25Terrified.
35:26Okay.
35:41God, he is so old.
35:43He looks like my dad.
35:48Hiya.
35:49Darling!
35:50Does that mean that I'm in with the chance, too?
35:53You could do all three generations.
35:56A wonderfully friend job, you.
36:01Lovely to see you again, Val.
36:02Oh, afternoon.
36:14I'm so, so sorry.
36:15Hmm.
36:16It's fine.
36:18It's so thoughtful.
36:25Why don't you go and join the kids?
36:28Tray, did you change your...
36:30I don't want you to think that I don't know how bad this is.
36:38I'll do whatever it takes to get us back to us.
36:40There's wine in the fridge.
36:43Yeah.
36:48Do you want some?
36:49No, thank you.
36:52Yes, sir.
36:54Do you want some wine?
36:55Yes, please.
36:56I don't know.
36:57I don't know.
37:02Hiya.
37:03I'm Steve.
37:04Zuli.
37:05Trey.
37:06Hi.
37:06And Nelson.
37:08Nelson.
37:09Oh, cool.
37:11Just fisting each other.
37:13Fist bumping.
37:14Fist bumping.
37:17How do you guys know each other?
37:19School.
37:21School.
37:24Cool.
37:26Cool.
37:30Dinner!
37:33Right.
37:34Steve, why don't you sit at the top of the table with Trey and Zuli.
37:39Nelson, you go on Trey's other side.
37:43Daniel will go on Zuli's.
37:44Mum, you go next to Nelson.
37:46Lovely.
37:47Izzy, you're next to Dan.
37:48And then Dom and Rome, you're at the end here with me.
37:51Nelson.
37:52Love you.
37:54Oh, hi.
37:55Wow.
37:57So, does this mean that you two are an item?
37:59No.
38:00Mum?
38:02Sorry.
38:03Older people seem to be really interested in defining things.
38:05When you're young, you realise that life is fluid, and defining something only limits it.
38:11Aw.
38:13So sweet.
38:15Nice.
38:17Good.
38:19It's really good.
38:21So, Trey, haven't you just graduated from medical school?
38:26Yeah.
38:26Yeah.
38:27What was your specialty?
38:28Um, surgery.
38:30Wow.
38:31Yeah.
38:31Surgery.
38:32Oh, gosh.
38:33That's, that's, it's very impressive.
38:36Are you seeing anyone?
38:37Uh, yeah.
38:38Yeah, I am.
38:38She's a junior doctor, so it means we only get about 15 minutes together a week.
38:42But it's so lovely that, um, you'll be in the same profession.
38:46It's such a lot of common ground.
38:49Yeah.
38:50Yeah, no, it's really nice.
38:53Steve?
38:54What did you study at university?
38:56I didn't go to uni, actually.
38:59I, um, had already gotten into the whole hair thing.
39:02Yeah, and it's so much better to have a trade.
39:04Like, I don't see why anyone still goes to uni.
39:06There are probably more psychologists than there are patients, so, um, yeah, I wish I had a proper, proper technical
39:11skill.
39:14How did you get into hairdressing?
39:16Hairstyling.
39:16Oh, my God.
39:19Mmm.
39:22My mum gave me a terrible haircut.
39:24I was meant to be going on my first date, and she literally did the bowl thing, you know.
39:28Put a bowl on my head, and then trace around the shape of the bowl, but she misjudged the size
39:33of the bowl.
39:35Too small a bowl, and, uh, I ended up looking like a medieval monk.
39:38I'm not a hot monk, just a monk, because I had to fix it.
39:42I'll be shamed forever.
39:44But after that, um, all the other boys wanted the Steve haircut.
39:52Steve's father, oh, he hates that he cuts hair.
39:56He thinks he's gay.
39:57Mum, you can't say that.
39:59Sorry, Steve.
40:00Sorry.
40:01No, no, it's true.
40:02Look, I met his dad, well, tons of times,
40:06because, you know, when we were going out with each other.
40:12He was an utter dick.
40:14No, Steve hated him too, didn't you?
40:17God, he was all so worried about his mum.
40:18I mean, that's why he never got married.
40:20Mum?
40:21Christ.
40:22What?
40:22He did get married.
40:24To Nancy, remember?
40:26I meant successfully.
40:33Christ, no, I'd forgotten to get it.
40:35I'll get any dessert.
40:36I'll be right back.
40:36I'll help you.
40:37What, hang on, no, quick.
40:39I, I, I, I, I like that.
40:39You haven't finished your first course yet.
40:41It's okay, though, if you don't want to.
40:42I'll help.
40:47I'm really sorry about all of this, Daniel.
40:52I really like her, though.
40:53I like her very much.
40:55Which one?
40:57Is he?
41:02Get the, uh, multi-pack of mini Magnums?
41:05Yeah.
41:06So you've got more choice.
41:12How long have you liked her?
41:14It just happened.
41:15You weren't thinking about her when,
41:17who had a holiday in Portugal?
41:19And all those Christmases in Norfolk?
41:20Oh, God, no.
41:21No.
41:22Never.
41:27Please.
41:28Hello.
41:30Please.
41:34Hello.
41:37It's 2375.
42:06You're granny likes to drink.
42:07Yeah.
42:14He's great, isn't he?
42:16What do you think?
42:17Yeah.
42:17Do you like him?
42:18Yeah, he's really nice.
42:23He's probably just been nervous, really, isn't he?
42:26He would be nervous if he'd fucked your girlfriend's mum.
42:29Shut up.
42:30Sorry.
42:43Don't be too upset, darling.
42:46It's what men have done since the beginning of time.
42:49Your father was the same.
42:51Your father was the same.
42:52Why can't you just be sympathetic?
42:53Why do you also have to make a joke?
42:54It's not a joke, mum.
42:57She's not some random young woman.
42:59She's my daughter.
43:01And Steve's not your husband.
43:03He's your ex-boyfriend.
43:05He's probably been in love with you for ages.
43:07And is this the closest thing he can get?
43:10I'm a younger model.
43:12I mean, if anything, it's a compliment, darling.
43:17It's not a compliment.
43:18It's disgusting.
43:20Male desire can be very blinding.
43:27Oh, goody.
43:28Magnums.
43:43Let's play Trivial Pursuit.
43:46Oh.
43:47Um, I might sit this one out.
43:49Oh.
43:50I'm terrible at Trivial Pursuit.
43:51I can never remember anything.
43:52Hopefully that things you never knew.
43:56Let's play in pairs.
44:02Geography or history?
44:04You choose.
44:06History.
44:08In what year in England in the 1970s were the lights turned off?
44:13I can never get these English ones.
44:14I want to say 74.
44:1774.
44:1772.
44:18It was because of the miners' strike.
44:21It's so unbelievable that you all just used coal all the time.
44:24It's like, how do people not know?
44:27Steve doesn't believe in recycling.
44:29How do you not believe in recycling?
44:31No, I do.
44:33I believe in recycling.
44:35You always say that it costs more money to recycle than to not.
44:37No, no, no, no, no.
44:38I think recycling's very cool.
44:42What I may have said at one time was that sometimes it feels a little redundant when China's not doing
44:48anything.
44:49That's a bit racist.
44:50No, no, he didn't mean it like that.
44:52Just because it's a...
44:53Who's our turn is it now?
44:54Who's your turn?
44:55Oh, it's us.
44:56Is it racer?
44:57Is it racer?
44:58Wow.
45:00All right.
45:00Entertainment.
45:03I don't think it was racist.
45:05Um, what Oscar upset shocked the world in 2017?
45:11Um, uh, first female, uh, first female director.
45:16They announced their own film.
45:18La La Land thought they got it, but it was actually Moonlight.
45:21Oh, Moonlight's a classic.
45:23Can it be a classic?
45:25Yes.
45:26I love that film.
45:27So good.
45:29Steve walked out.
45:30Said it felt like a student film.
45:32I did not walk out.
45:33I loved Moonlight.
45:34I was crying.
45:35Steve's favourite film is, um, Husbands and Wives.
45:39He loves Woody Allen.
45:40Ooh.
45:42What?
45:43Steve thinks he's innocent.
45:44Uh, hold on.
45:46Whoa.
45:46No.
45:47No.
45:47No.
45:47I never said that.
45:48I never said that.
45:50I said that we can't know for sure if he's guilty.
45:53That's a difference.
45:53That's different.
45:54You never know what's going on in people's personal lives, and the press can distort stories.
45:59So that's all I said.
46:00That's yours.
46:00It's your turn.
46:01It's your turn now.
46:02Oh.
46:03Yeah.
46:06Science and nature.
46:08Yeah.
46:08How can you love Woody Allen?
46:13Well, his films are great.
46:15You know, Annie Hall, uh, and Husbands and Wives.
46:18No, I've never seen any of them.
46:21You guys must have seen Woody Allen films.
46:23No.
46:24Fuck no.
46:28Disgusting.
46:31I've never seen any of them.
46:32Okay, I just want to be clear.
46:34Um, I have worked with some celebrities, and I've seen firsthand how the press can distort
46:39a story.
46:40Like what?
46:41Well, I'm not going to bring any up, but I see it all the time.
46:44No, come on.
46:45Give us an example.
46:52Okay.
46:54If I tell you this, you may never, ever, ever repeat it.
47:00Because Celia Mills is the nicest person I've ever met.
47:03She's an inspiring woman.
47:04Who's Celia Mills?
47:05Oh, she's the, you know, the villain in the James Bond film?
47:08The one with the matron.
47:09Yeah, she was in the Spike Jonze video.
47:10She was dancing at the petrol station.
47:11You'd recognize her.
47:12You'd recognize her.
47:13So, a while back, there was a thing in the press where Celia didn't stand when Cate Blanchett
47:19won the BAFTA, and they all said it was jealousy.
47:22Yeah.
47:23It wasn't jealousy.
47:26I could tell something was wrong immediately.
47:28The camera was close on her face because she was also a nominee.
47:33Her face was sort of contorted into this twisted smile.
47:43She wasn't jealous.
47:47She'd shat herself.
47:49She'd eaten a dodgy prawn mess at the nominee's lunch.
47:53I rushed in with a towel, covered it up.
47:56We made out like she'd torn her dress.
47:58It was a mess.
47:59It was a mess.
48:00She was mortified.
48:01I was the only person who knew.
48:04I've never told anyone this.
48:06Wait, wait.
48:06Who else do you do?
48:07So, and Amy of Sex Education, Dua Lipa, Jessie J, Charlie XCX, anyone with letters as a name.
48:15But cutting someone's hair is, it's a really intimate thing, you know.
48:20It is.
48:21I feel like they've given me their trust, and what I try to give them back is just the confidence
48:28in themselves to get out there and do what they dreamed of doing.
48:34You know, it's not just, it's not just the liberties.
48:38It's the same for the homeless people who are help out on the weekends with the grooming stuff.
48:43If I can give someone just a little bit of self-confidence, a little bit of self-respect that the
48:49world is constantly trying to take from them.
48:52Sorry.
48:52Sorry.
48:59Sorry, I just have to borrow Steve for a moment.
49:02Won't be long, so just carry on without us.
49:12They loved you.
49:13Knew they would.
49:15Go on.
49:15Where are we going?
49:16No, we have to go, we have to go down.
49:19We have to go back down.
49:22Sorry.
49:22Piers, you are so attractive.
49:24It is a medical imperative that I guess you, right now.
49:28We should have gone back down.
49:30Your mum will be going out of it.
49:32If she can wait, she just spent the whole evening blessing you, I think it's only fair that we torture
49:39her a little bit.
49:47In Egyptian hieroglyphs, the symbol of the decorated eye most commonly depicts the eye of which god?
49:54Um, Horus, son of Osiris and Isis.
49:57That's absolutely correct.
49:58You know everything.
50:00I know, I do.
50:02What number am I thinking of?
50:05Seven.
50:16Here we go.
50:18Edison's electric pen became the inspiration for which modern day tool?
50:24The tattoo gun.
50:30Sorry, um, are you both completely fucking stupid?
50:33So, um, you honestly think it's okay to go, to go upstairs and have sex?
50:41Mum.
50:41In my house?
50:43We didn't.
50:44She's only sleeping with you because she got dumped two minutes ago.
50:47She clearly has some weird daddy complex about her absent father.
50:51I don't, um, he's only sleeping with you because he's a sad old man and you probably remind him of
50:58me, which is...
50:59Oh, fuck it.
51:02Wow.
51:04Wow.
51:08Wow.
51:08Wow, that's really lovely, Mum.
51:10Thanks.
51:11So there's nothing he likes about me?
51:16Okay, let's go.
51:17Let's just, yeah.
51:21He's not, he's not even good at sex.
51:23Let's, let's, let's just...
51:24That's why I broke up with him.
51:25Yeah, but...
51:26Because he was shit in bed.
51:28He's amazing at sex.
51:29I love having sex with him.
51:30Let's, let's all calm down.
51:31Phew.
51:32Daniel to the rescue.
51:33Oh, why didn't I think of that?
51:35What we need to do is not say or do anything at all.
51:40Oh, that's perfect.
51:42Oh, everyone's upset.
51:44Oh, you're asking.
51:46Coward.
51:46Daniel, why are you saying anything?
51:48Oh, what?
51:49Uh, because she's not your kid.
51:50She doesn't count.
52:02You're such a bitch.
52:07Thank you, my goodness.
52:08Yes, thank you so much.
52:10I think I'm gonna come in as well.
52:11I'll, I'll, I'll walk you.
52:13Don't, I'm fine.
52:14You stay.
52:17Thanks, Mum.
52:19That was really great.
52:35That was incredibly mean.
52:39Now, sometimes, Alice, your impulsivity is so selfish.
52:42It's, it's like you don't realize the rest of us are making any effort at all.
52:48I've been invited to go on a school trip to Antwerp.
52:53I think I'm going to go.
52:54I think he's okay.
52:58I think he's good.
53:01So, I think he's good.
53:02What?
53:03Um, yeah, it's so yeah.
53:07Oh my God.
53:09No, I didn't get anything from contradictions.
53:11Oh yeah.
53:12You're so cool.
53:13Oh my God.
53:13Oh my God.
53:17Hey, let's go.
53:18Oh my God.
53:19Oh my God.
53:59Hi, Jane.
54:01Sorry to call so late.
54:03I just wondered, are you still working on the news desk?
54:08I've got a celebrity story for you.
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