- 1 week ago
He Missed My Surgery for Her ASM
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00:00left eye the moment the scalpel sliced into my left eye my husband darian blackwood was tangled
00:08up in bed with his mistress when i woke from general anesthesia the first thing i did was
00:13open my chat with darian darian tomorrow night's the full moon my curse is going to flare up again
00:20the doctor said the success rate this time is only one in three if i wake up and you're not
00:25there
00:26then we're over the messages had been sent a day ago he still hadn't replied then an anonymous
00:32message popped up a video he was roughly pulling open his mistress's nightgone straps kissing
00:39drunkenly along her neck the bedside clock showed the exact time i'd been in surgery the night before
00:46in the video he looked so passionate but in our chat history every reply he ever sent me was cold
00:54i'm busy get my assistant to sign the papers i'm in a board meeting you don't need to tell me
01:00these
01:00things anymore eventually he muted my messages all together and assigned me a private assistant
01:06someone who's only was signing documents that required a partner's authorization sorry but i
01:11don't think he'll have time to visit you today either i stared blankly at that message and finally
01:16decided to give up on this relationship i texted the assistant don't come anymore then i called my
01:23lawyer draft a separation agreement for me as the anesthesia wore off my skull started throoping
01:32with pain i couldn't even close my eyes when this curse flared up i might lose my left eye completely
01:39half conscious i wondered if i died on that operating table this time when would darian find out
01:47probably when they called him to identify my body after all his time and attention would never belong
01:53to a beta like me someone without pheromones that evening the isolation room door opened darian
02:00walked in carrying a thermos bag and a gift bag how are you feeling i'm okay that's good
02:10brought you soup i'm allergic to seafood the one who lucked seafood was his mistress luna then had
02:17taken the gift bag sorry i couldn't stay with you last night this is to make up for it inside
02:23was a
02:24delicate hair clip he didn't care about anything related to me he didn't even know that after multiple
02:31serenial surgeries i'd shaved my head long ago luna got sunburned at the beach so i brought her to
02:37the hospital to get checked as he spoke he poured me a bowl of soup she got burned pretty badly
02:43her
02:44whole back's red i said nothing why aren't you drinking it he leaned closer and i caught the heavy
02:52sugary scent of perfume i ignored the question you changed cologne he paused then smiled
03:00luna recommended it smells nice doesn't it
03:05if you like it i'll have her bring you some after all these years he should have known that as
03:10a
03:10scentless beta i hated anything that masks natural scent but nothing about me had ever mattered to him
03:16the isolation room fell silent for a few seconds then his phone notification broke the quiet
03:23oh right the assistant said you told him not to come anymore he won't need to sign anything for me
03:27anymore as long as you're getting better softly i said i'm not the curse is getting worse
03:34i may need permanent isolation at any time
03:40do you still want this relationship darian look at this video it's so funny
03:46he muted the volume and finally looked at me what did you say the machines kept beeping steadily
03:55you went to the hamptons this time done with work his expression stayed calm luna's been wanting to go
04:02to the beach for ages there happened to be a project inspection there so i took her along
04:08if you want to go i'll take you once you recover there was a knock at the door my attending
04:14physician
04:14walked in to discuss my treatment plan you guys talk luna's probably done with her checkup by now
04:19darian glanced at his watch and grabbed his coat he was always like this living entirely in luna's
04:25bright lively world nothing about me had ever mattered to him the day i was discharged darian
04:31said he'd pick me up i sat outside the hospital waiting for him beside me was a canvas bag filled
04:37with discharge papers medical files and a huge pile of suppressive medication i scrolled through my
04:43phone luna had updated her story again 7 a.m a sunrise jogging photo two silhouettes from behind
04:51one tall one short caption early birds get the sunrise 8 a.m a bathroom door fogged with steam
04:58a smiley face drawn in the condensation someone's waiting for me to shower 8 30 a.m breakfast on a
05:05hotel balcony two sets of utensils under warm sunlight mornings are better when you eat with someone
05:10the man who said he was coming to pick me up was busy living someone else's life
05:16at 10 o'clock darian's car finally arrived the passenger side window rolled down luna hi bianca
05:24darian's dropping me off at work
05:29traffic was bad darian got out from the driver's seat and opened the back door i said nothing and walked
05:35over carrying my medication luna leaned against the car window suddenly staring at my left eye
05:40what happened to your eye it looks cloudy that's so weird she waved her fingers in front of me
05:48can you see that how many fingers she's near feast darian interrupted oh luna pulled her hand back my
05:57left eye had been blind for three years i told him more than 10 times he still didn't remember luna
06:04and
06:04opened the car door and walked over what are all these meds can i look she reached into my bag
06:10i shifted slightly trying to avoid her touch the bag wasn't tied properly the moment she touched
06:17it pill bottles and medication boxes spilled everywhere pills rolled across the ground some
06:23disappeared into cracks between the steps others rolled beneath the tires how can you not even hold
06:28on to a bag properly darian frowned and looked away i crouched down picking them up one by one
06:34my stitches had only just been removed the moment i bent down pressure mounded through my cull and my
06:41vision darkened luna crouched too let me help in her panic she crushed several pills beneath her hand
06:48oops sorry bianca darian crouched beside her and helped her back up they're broken forget it no need to
06:55pick them up they're not expensive i slowly stood yeah not expensive he checked his watch and frowned
07:03then have her go back into the hospital and get me new ones that's unnecessary she was only trying to
07:07help you can go get them yourself luna's going to be late for work i'll drop her off first i'll
07:13send
07:13someone to pick you up luna was already back in the passenger seat waving at me through the window bye
07:21darian left me with nothing but his back i thought i would cry but my eyes stayed dry even my
07:27heartbeat
07:28remained calm like the person driving away wasn't someone i loved just a stranger maybe i really didn't
07:34care anymore when i got home i took the partner agreement out of my bag and signed it then i
07:40started
07:41packing my things one 24 inch suitcase was enough to hold eight years of my life there was a framed
07:47photo
07:47of darian and i on the bedside table taken at a gala three years ago back then my hair was
07:53still
07:53long tied in a low pintail he wore a dark suit and smiled softly i picked up the frame and
07:58turned it
07:59over on the back someone had written you're already the past the one beside him now is me luna
08:05i stared at it for a few seconds before turning it back over and placing it on top of the
08:10agreement
08:12my phone rang darian he almost never called me first i answered there was music in the background
08:20like he was at a bar darian about the separation agreement he interrupted me luna likes your
08:26painting moonlight fragments of course it was about her i paused not for sale she really likes it
08:34one million i don't like her i'm not selling it to her silence hung on the other end for two
08:41seconds
08:42how much do you want name your price i laughed softly and set the phone down on the table the
08:48bedside drawer was slightly open i pulled it open inside was our marriage certificate luna had stuck one
08:54of her selfies directly over my face in the picture she smiled brightly and threw up a peace sign
09:00my face was completely covered i remembered the day we took that photo i was healthy then full of
09:06color darian stood beside me smiling gently when i found out luna had tampered with the certificate
09:13i contrunted him about it he barely glanced at it before promising he'd go replace it with me
09:18it's just a photo it's not a big deal luna likes joking around just let her have this one
09:24three years he never found the time to replace it his voice came through the phone again
09:30luna's sensitive if she doesn't get what she wants she'll keep making a fuss just give in and
09:34stop making things difficult for me since you won't sell it no matter how much i offer then
09:39your gallery sponsorship won't be approved either let me know when you change your mind
09:44do whatever you want i tugged at the corner of my lips the sound of the call ending echoed through
09:50the empty room everything in my left eye was blurry gray like fog that would never clear and that
09:56familiar pain slowly crept back into my chest when darian first pursued me everyone in the
10:01family thought he'd lost his mind my unpredictable curse my unstatable temper my scentless beta body
10:07none of it made me seem fit to be anyone's partner but he said it didn't matter he said quiet
10:11was fine
10:12coldness was fine he liked all of it for the first time in my life i thought maybe i could
10:17rely on
10:18someone but what happened after that he was always busy said he'd spend time with me once the
10:23company stabilized the way he looked at me changed slowly from heartbreak whenever my curse flared
10:28up to helplessness to numbness eventually he stopped coming altogether he missed so many moments and
10:35every time i told myself next time will be different next time he'll come until the surgery where i
10:41almost died as my consciousness faded i thought i'm probably never going to see darian again when i
10:48woke up i only had one thought i wanted to see him so i spent 20 exhausting hours traveling to
10:54paris
10:55where he was supposedly on a business trip and what i saw was him naked in bed with luna holding
10:59her in
11:00his arms that's when i finally understood he wasn't busy he hadn't lost the desire to share his life with
11:06someone that someone just wasn't me anymore it was the first time in my life i broke down like a
11:11mad
11:11woman i slapped that girl hard and smashed everything i could get my hands on why are you
11:17doing this to me do you know i almost died broken glass sliced across my calf warm blood streamed down
11:24my leg but i felt nothing do you think i'm pathetic is that it
11:33calm down the way you look right now is ugly
11:37i stood trembling among the shattered glass gasping for breath 20 hours of flying going
11:43straight from the operating table just to see him all of it turned to ashes in that moment
11:49from that day on darian rarely came home he muted my notifications the only way i could know anything
11:57about his life was through luna's posts
12:02three days later i got a message from darian charity gala tonight eight o'clock be there he
12:08ignored my messages and still hadn't signed the separation agreement after thinking it over i
12:13decided to talk to him face to face i put on a wig and slipped the agreement into my bag
12:18the moment i entered the ballroom i saw darian with luna in his arms they were dancing in the
12:23middle of the floor she leaned against him while he lowered his head to say something smiling softly
12:28i stood there watching for a moment before walking in you froze beyond his gallery funding because of
12:34me do you think she'll be upset luna whispered in his ear brightly she starved for affection a
12:39little comforting and she'll get over it without missing a step darian patted her waist lightly i stood
12:44at the edge of the dance floor people nearby glanced between me and the couple dancing isn't that
12:48darian's beta haven't seen her in forever is she here to catch him cheating
12:53with how biased darian is towards that girl who even knows who the real third party is
12:57the song ended why are you here darian saw me and let go of luna luna looped herself around his
13:07arm and smiled sweetly at me i need to talk to you i immediately understood she was the one who'd
13:12sent the message i looked at darian luna tugged on his arm darian the next dance is starting he frowned
13:20whatever it is wait until this dance is over suddenly the lights flickered then went out
13:26the crowd erupted into noise in the darkness a hand suddenly yanked hard at my wig pain ripping across
13:32my scalp then the lights came back on i looked down my wig lay on the floor all that remained
13:40on my
13:40head was a layer of short stubble and red scars left behind by the curse
13:49the entire ballroom fell silent eyes turned towards me from every direction that's horrifying no wonder
13:57darian never brings her anywhere anymore if it were me i'd feel sick just looking at her is that curse
14:00backlash is it contagious a camera flash went off someone had raised a phone and started taking
14:05pictures luna smiled faintly she crouched down picked up the wig and held it out to me biana i'm
14:13sorry it was too dark i didn't see i stared blankly without taking it darian walked over helped me up
14:22and pulled me outside bald dragged through the entire ballroom under everyone's eyes the whispers slowly
14:29faded behind us neither of us spoke my mind was empty my hands shook uncontrollably i hadn't thought
14:36about those dark years in a very long time isolation vomiting seeing my bald reflection in the mirror
14:42while everyone whispered stay away from her and now the person i once loved most had personally shoved
14:48me back into that hell when we got home darian poured me a glass of water i'll have all the
14:54photos
14:54and videos from tonight deleted i said nothing you don't need to think too much about it i'll make
15:01sure nobody spreads them i blinked slowly including luna she was the one who texted me
15:07he frowned the lights were out she couldn't see she's not that kind of person do you really not see
15:13how
15:13cool she is or do you just refuse to the great head of the blackwood family can't possibly be too
15:18blind
15:19to see through something this obvious the living room fell silent for several seconds then his phone rang
15:25luna's teary voice leaked through the speaker clearly in the quiet room darian is bianca mad at me
15:32i really didn't mean it i'll apologize tomorrow okay please don't be angry with me don't cry no one's
15:39blaming you he hung up and looked at me she's upset i need to go check on her didn't you
15:44say you had
15:44something to tell me we'll talk properly when i get back he walked to the door changing his shoes
15:49and grabbing his keys he stopped you always say you'll come back talk to me but when have you ever
15:57actually come back he clearly had no intention of staying i'll be back in an hour without even
16:02turning around darian left i walked into the bedroom and placed the separation agreement beneath the
16:07picture frame then i pulled out my suitcase and called a cab to the airport at one in the morning
16:12i
16:13boarded a flight to london three hours had already passed since darian said he'd come back to talk
16:17as the plane began taxiing a message from him popped up just before i shut my phone off what's
16:23the meaning of that agreement i didn't reply i turned off my phone darian let's never appear in each
16:31other's lives again the plane landed at heathrow when turning on the phone vibrate for several minutes
16:38before stopping i didn't look past customs collected luggage took a taxi the hotel was booked in advance
16:50the front desk handed over the room key i took it elevator up open the door put down the suitcase
17:00sat by the bedside
17:04the phone vibrated again
17:07i picked it up it's from darian blackword dozens explain the agreement said we'd talk where did you go
17:16don't push it there's a limit to throwing tantrums bianca are you serious i didn't scroll up
17:26locked screen threw it on the nightstand the next day went to royal free hospital
17:31the attending doctor was a beta in his 40s speaking at a moderate pace mrs reed dr lynn has
17:38briefed me we need a full workup before the purification protocol odds better than last time
17:43but the vision loss in your left eye is permanent he glanced at me didn't say more the nurse took
17:49me to
17:50handle admission fill out forms the emergency contact act field was blank who should we put here
17:58no one i'm alone she didn't press further left it blank the ward was cramped the window faced a busy
18:05street the sound of traffic was faint quieter than new york the phone rang it was darian i picked up
18:12i asked dr lynn you went to london his voice was hoary the background was wind noise from the airport
18:18runway
18:18he was probably standing on the tar pack darian sign the papers you flew alone for the purification
18:24do you even know your condition then when will you sign bianca we are really doing this
18:32where do you think we should be fine i'll have luna apologize i admit i neglected you but you don't
18:40have to take it this far i don't need it bianca i'm hanging up sign the papers i didn't wait
18:46for
18:47him to say anything more turned off stuffed the phone under the pillow the phone vibrated under
18:52the pillow once then again i didn't take it out after hanging up the phone darian sat in the study
18:59of blackwood estate for a long time he sank into the leather chair trying to sort out his thoughts
19:04why did bianca want to dissolve the partnership because of luna because he didn't accompany her
19:08on the full moon night because he was always busy he felt these were all small matters he hadn't
19:14marked anyone else hadn't committed domestic violence hadn't frozen her credit card he just
19:20didn't care as much anymore right just didn't care as much in the first two years of marriage he sent
19:26her i messages every day asking if she had eaten asking about the degree of curse flare-ups asking if
19:32she missed him later messages became fewer and fewer not intentional really had nothing to say he felt
19:38this wasn't his fault isn't that how feelings are passion cools novelty exhausts who can still be
19:44like the honeymoon period after eight years of marriage he picked up his phone opened her chat box
19:48dense green bubbles all sent by her the last time he replied to her was half a year ago he
19:54didn't know
19:54when he had developed this habit just didn't want to look her messages were always those few lines did
20:00you eat going into isolation can you come home the doorbell rang he placed his phone face down on the
20:05table and stood up two housekeepers in gray uniforms from beta miss reed arranged for us to clear out her
20:13belongings clothes shoes personal items all to be donated darian stood at the door stunned for a few
20:20seconds she sent you yes ma'am scheduled it last week the two aunts pushed the cart open the walk
20:26-in closet
20:27taking down her clothes one by one silk nightgowns cashmere coats scarves he recognized that off-white
20:33max mara coat he had accompanied her to buy it three years ago when she said she wanted to go
20:38sketching in iceland he helped her pick it and those manolo blanick flat shoes her feet were small
20:43hard to buy these were found after browsing seven stores he watched all her things being folded
20:48stacked into black recycling bags wait i'll buy these the aunts left the door closed the house was dead
20:56silent he sat on the sofa holding that coat the phone vibrated again bianca i want that t-bone
21:03steak you make tonight he looked at that message didn't reply a few minutes later it vibrated again
21:08darian are you busy he placed the phone on the coffee table didn't touch it the sky darkened he didn't
21:15turn on the lights sat in the darkness for a long time later he stood up walked into the study
21:20the safe
21:20was hidden behind the bookshelf he entered the password her birthday pulled it open on top was a
21:26molskine journal he opened it the first page had a movie ticket stub pasted on it la la land the
21:33date
21:33was their first date she wrote beside it he was 15 minutes late but his hair was flying when he
21:38ran in
21:38i forgave him the second page was a polaroid she wore a knit hat face red from cold she wrote
21:44fourth
21:45purification today he said i look cute bald liar but i want to believe him third page fourth page fifth
21:51page every page was her writing characters small crowded together recording every treatment recording
21:57the paths he walked with her recording things he said when i get better we go to tromso for the
22:01aurora
22:02you promised so many times i wrote it here so you can't lie the last page of the journal had
22:07an
22:07airplane ticket tucked in it destination tromso next to it was a sticky note in her handwriting when i
22:13get better when you have time let's go don't stand me up again he had simply forgotten he closed the
22:20journal hugged it to his chest the journal was small the cowhide cover pressing against his palm
22:26those characters showed through the paper carrying an aged warmth he only now realized she wrote so much
22:32and he never looked once he picked up his phone booked a flight to london
22:38the purification ritual was scheduled for two weeks later the days in the hospital were very quiet
22:43every morning blood draw every afternoon examination messages from darian kept popping up on my phone
22:49i occasionally swept a glance didn't reply he asked which hospital i was at i deleted the chat box
22:55he said he flew over i still didn't reply the day before the ritual the nurse came for preoperative
23:01education when signing the informed consent form my hand holding the pen shook a bit
23:05turns out not needing to wait for anyone's signature wasn't as hard as imagined that night there was a
23:10torrential downpour i slept early woken in the middle of the night by knocking opened the door
23:15the corridor light was blinding darian stood in the doorway shirt wrinkled hair messy carrying a rimawa
23:22called a dozen hospitals to find you
23:27signed i won't sign bianca i don't think our marriage is beyond repair
23:33and i don't buy that you feel nothing for me i couldn't be bothered to waste words anymore
23:39darian you overestimate yourself and you underestimate me
23:44there's nothing left to talk about except the divorce
23:49i'm sorry for neglecting you bianca it won't happen again
23:54you never used to think you were wrong i was always the unreasonable one
23:59the past is the past the past was too long i closed the door he stood in the corridor and
24:06didn't leave i turned off the lights and lay back on the bed after a long time i heard footsteps
24:11gradually fading away
24:14the next day was the surgery before anesthesia dr chin came in to check
24:18the person outside family no the anesthesiologist began pushing the medicine a chill spread from my
24:25arm i closed my eyes when i woke the sky was completely dark my throat was dry and painful
24:32like swallowing sandpaper the nurse pulled out a tube saying in accented english surgery was successful
24:38i nodded then saw a person sitting by the bedside darian sat in the chair elbow propped on the bed
24:44rail
24:44asleep coat draped over his legs hair messy blue stubble growing on his chin every time before in
24:50surgery after hovering between life and death i always hoped the first person i saw upon opening
24:55my eyes would be him but every time i woke there was only the pale ceiling now that he came
25:00there was
25:00dead water in my heart i looked at him for a few seconds then turned to look out the window
25:05the london night was deep blue without stars he woke raising his head how do you feel doctor said it
25:12worked he didn't mention last night water didn't mention the agreement didn't mention luna as if
25:18he just happened to pass by dropping by to take a look when are you leaving i don't want to
25:23see you
25:23when you're better he reached out wanting to hold my hand i withdrew it under the covers i know you're
25:28serious this time i didn't speak i wasn't good enough before go back i'm tired no energy to argue
25:38he sat there unmoving for a long time the nurse came in to change dressings only then did he stand
25:44up to make way the nurse left he sat back down i didn't look at him again the third day
25:51post-surgery
25:52the wound still hurt but lighter than last time darian came every day arriving in the morning
25:57leaving at night the nurse thought he was my husband i didn't have the strength to correct her
26:01the fifth day afternoon the ward door was pushed open luna stood in the doorway light colored coat long
26:08hair loose eye sockets red that strong strawberry pheromone instantly drowned out the disinfectant
26:12smell she looked at darian darian darian stood up from the sofa frowning how did you find this place
26:19asked around everywhere darian come back with me okay darian didn't move i called you so many times
26:25you wouldn't answer i went to the house you weren't there i've been here for days just waiting i messed
26:32up i know tell me what to fix enough he interrupted luna was stunned you know exactly what you did
26:38i didn't say anything before doesn't mean i didn't know her lips trembled i was for you
26:44darian i love you out you weren't like this you used to protect me did she brainwash you is she
26:52forcing you darian picked up his phone dialed come in take her out make sure she doesn't come back
26:58as luna was pulled out she was still looking back her crying voice echoing in the corridor
27:03gradually disappearing the ward returned to silence darian stood with his back to me
27:08after a while he turned around sat back in the chair by the bed he said sorry did we wake
27:14you
27:14get some rest i looked at the ceiling didn't speak
27:19a week later dr chen said still needed observation but the left eye is gone
27:24i know falling asleep in the ward only the sound of instruments ticking i turned my head to take a
27:30look darian was still there he was curled on that sofa a size too short macbook on his knees screen
27:36lit
27:36but he wasn't looking at it awake i ignored opened my phone hundreds of messages all from darian every
27:44message i sent before the surgery he had all made up for i'm here i'm sorry i should have been
27:50there
27:50i'm here now i looked at a few averted my gaze you don't have to do this i want to
27:58darian it's pointless you don't have to accept it i just need to do it he looked at me eyes
28:05full of
28:05red veins lips chapped he closed the computer put it back in his pocket i turned over back to him
28:11the curtains weren't drawn tight a line of light fell on the back of my hand
28:16a month later discharged i booked a ticket to nice france the day of departure darian stood at
28:23the hospital entrance i'll go with you no need you shouldn't be alone i was alone before he didn't
28:31speak i hailed a taxi he stood in place wind filling his coat hem i didn't look back i went
28:37to
28:37a small town on the cote d'azur phone on messages poured in darian's dozens hundreds did you land
28:44is the place safe did you pack enough meds weather cold there did you eat just reply so i know
28:51you're
28:51safe half an hour later another it's cold there where layers i didn't reply he started sending
28:58gallery exhibition invitations to my email paris milan berlin he said his friends in the art circle
29:04could help me hold a solo exhibition he said my art deserved to be seen reply not interested
29:10this isn't compensation your art is genuinely good he sent another contract a sponsorship agreement from
29:16some international art fund is this your money or the family offices he was silent for 10 minutes
29:22you know everything i don't need anything from you anymore darian the phone rang i picked up
29:28then he asked then what do you want nothing just sign the papers and disappear bianca wherever you go
29:35i'll follow i'll prove i was wrong i love you follow me to london paris berlin buy a house there
29:42i'll
29:42move to the next city buy up all of europe i'll go to the americas africa antarctica i won't spend
29:48my
29:48life hating you but i will spend every second of it showing you i don't love you anymore you say
29:53you
29:53want to prove you were wrong i'll prove i never look back i didn't wait for him to say anything
29:58more hung up later he really did follow when i was in paris he stayed at a hotel on the
30:03other side of
30:04the seine i moved to lion he moved too i stayed in kyoto for a month he rented an apartment
30:09nearby
30:09we never spoke occasionally seeing each other from afar on the street he would stop standing in
30:15place watching me walk past in early winter i went to chamonix at the foot of the alps the snow
30:22was
30:23heavy the road slippery i fell skinning my knee when getting up caught a glimpse of a figure in a
30:28dark
30:28gray coat at the street corner he didn't come over that night the snow stopped i sat at the window
30:34of
30:34the wooden house my phone lit up his text back then i didn't understand now i do moonlight outside
30:41the window shone on the snow very bright but couldn't sink down i looked at that message for
30:46a long time typed darian stop appearing in each other's lives he didn't reply the next morning the
30:53front desk handed me a letter without a stamp my name was written on the envelope the handwriting hiss
30:57i took it to the room placed it on the table didn't open it through the envelope could feel the
31:03paper
31:03inside probably four or five pages written pulled open the curtains the snow had cleared sky bright the
31:10street was clean he wasn't there he went back in spring i received an email from the lawyer i booked
31:16a ticket back to new york he was already waiting gray brioni suit neat hairstyle person a bit thinner
31:22jawline sharper we stood face to face let's go we sat side by side before the notary signing
31:28the staff member checked stamped all set bianca i looked at him he opened his mouth adam's apple rolling
31:36in the end only said one sentence can i hug you voice very low the trailing tone swallowed by the
31:43echo in the hall he stood before me both hands hanging at his sides not raised like a person who
31:48had lost all chips i looked at his eyes the corner of his eye read three seconds maybe five i
31:54didn't
31:55answer turned around didn't look back the hind was very quiet he didn't chase nor did he call my name
32:01again pushed open the door the light outside was dazzling left i couldn't see right i was stung
32:06sore by the light i returned to that small town in the south of france stayed for a long time
32:11snow on
32:12the mountaintop hadn't melted flowers at the foot of the mountain bloomed into a sea sunlight outside
32:17the window was dazzling i remembered a long time ago someone said they would take me to see the aurora
32:22in that journal was tucked an airplane ticket destination norway the date blank not going moonlight
32:28cannot sink into the deep sea it shines on the sea surface bright in one piece shattered in another
32:34piece looks very close actually very far just like some people you thought they loved you but they
32:40were just passing by but it doesn't matter the sky will always brighten