00:00Hello friends, one and all. Join us, won't you? As we recall, Christmas films from years
00:05gone by, from genres horror, action, and sci-fi. And although it's only December 7th, season's
00:10tidings will be... Crap. Well, it rhymes with 7th. 11th? Screw it, sorry guys, Christmas
00:18is cancelled, I ruined the poem. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, you can't cancel Christmas or
00:21the holidays just because your poems sucked. Ow. Look, just repurpose the Not Quite Christmas
00:26movies package from a few years ago. It's lazy and on brand. Eh? If it's lazy.
00:32Christmas is back on! Hooray!
00:39Every new December is a chance to dust off old copies of holiday classics and bask in the
00:43warm glow of nostalgia and yuletide cheer, preferably with a warm drink in hand and cozy slippers
00:47on feet. The list of go-to Christmas films is ever-growing, from familiar classics like
00:52Miracle on 34th Street and It's a Wonderful Life, to more recent fairs such as Elford, Daddy's
00:56Home 2. What says holiday cheer more than Mark Wahlberg and Mel Gibson?
01:00They're still tough enough to lick you, Junior.
01:02Sure, those movies are great and they're classic, but what if you're sick of elves Santa and
01:06Jimmy Stewart and are more in the mood for something with explosions, cursing, or suave
01:10British spies who slam hard liquor? James Bond doesn't regularly order an eggnog, shaken
01:14not stirred, but if he were going to, 1969's On Her Majesty's Secret Service would be the
01:19film he'd do it in. Australian model George Lazenby donned the tuxedo of Agent 007 for the
01:23sixth film in the franchise, taking over for Sean Connery, and odd jobbly enough, the film
01:28is set around Christmas time. It even features its own holiday tune, Do You Know How Christmas
01:32Trees Are Grown?, which underscores a number of scenes in the film and it bangs. In 1984,
01:38Gremlins introduced the world to incredibly cute and cuddly Mogwai, a race of furry little
01:42corporate studio marketing ploys that came with a list of restrictions and rules longer than
01:46a parking sign on Melrose Avenue. The film follows the antics of the mischievous little titular
01:50monsters as they wreak havoc on a small town at Christmas time.
01:53Produced by Steven Spielberg, the horror comedy is filled with classic practical effects and
01:57dark humor, but what cements it as a holiday classic is watching a man in a Santa Claus suit
02:01being mauled to death by the horrible little creatures in what is inarguably the most disturbing
02:06scene ever put to film. A year later, Sylvester Stallone debuted Rocky IV, which, many seem
02:11to forget, includes multiple scenes featuring heavy holiday imagery. Don't believe me? Well,
02:15you've got some nerve, pal. Rocky's training montage takes place in the deep, heavy snow of Russia's
02:20mountains surrounded by pine trees. Oh, but, Pat, that's a bit of a stretch. Well, did you
02:24know Rocky's final match against Ivan Drago takes place on Christmas Day? It does. Also,
02:30Rocky's unforgettable speech after defeating Drago that literally ended the Cold War and
02:34ushered in an era of peace and harmony the world had never seen before ends with the boxer
02:38wishing his son back home a Merry Christmas. And if all of that isn't proof enough for you,
02:43Seiko, the film's lovable robot, was clearly made by technologically advanced elves. Tim Burton
02:48may be known for offering a quirkily dark tone in his films, but he's also no stranger
02:52to the holidays. A Nightmare Before Christmas is a December staple in many households, especially
02:57ones with multiple cats. And even Edward Scissorhands takes place around Christmas time. But the
03:01director's 1992 film Batman Returns is a movie that rarely seems to come up in holiday conversations,
03:07and that's a travesty. In addition to the obvious fact that the film's main villain is
03:10the penguin, the most wintry of all bat foes, it also features Catwoman and Batman sharing
03:15a moment under the mistletoe, and a Burton-esque Christmas tree lighting scene that gets interrupted
03:20by an enormous exploding gift filled with murderous clowns. You won't see that in Whoville.
03:25Long before he was Deadpool, but after he was Van Wilder and one of the two guys with
03:29a girl in a pizza place, Ryan Reynolds was the chubby kid in high school with a crush on
03:33the popular cheerleader in 2005's Just Friends. While the film initially wasn't a hit, it has
03:37become something of a cult classic, probably because it's the best movie ever. Set on the days surrounding Christmas,
03:43everything from the costumes, the setting, and the particularly strong soundtrack ooze Christmas
03:48cheer. Throw in Anna Faris' superb performance as an over-the-top pop diva singing lyrics like,
03:53Mall people they come and go, small people they just don't know. And you have yourself a holiday
03:58classic. Samantha James, b****. The best example of a filmmaker who seems to be obsessed with
04:03Christmas but has never just made a full-on holiday pic has to be Shane Black. The director
04:07began his infatuation with the happiest season of all way back in 1987, when he penned the script
04:12for Lethal Weapon, the buddy cop masterpiece starring Mel Gibson and Danny Glover. Although
04:16the film came out in March, it is set at Christmas time, which is something Black also did with
04:202013's Iron Man 3, which came out in May but was full of fluffy white snow, jolly Christmas
04:26tunes, and a giant stuffed rabbit the size of which only Tony Stark could afford. And for
04:30those who are looking to spend their holidays with Robert Downey Jr. but don't want to see
04:33his pretty face hidden behind an iron mask for half of the movie, Black's 2005 comedic noir
04:37mystery Kiss Kiss Bang Bang is also set at Christmas time. Of course, no list about Christmas
04:42movies would be complete without mentioning the jolliest of them all, Die Hard. The action
04:46classic takes place on Christmas Eve, when a group of German terrorists take an office
04:50Christmas party hostage. So yes, it is a Christmas movie. Can we finally put that argument to
04:54bed, please? Look, if watching John McClane pick off terrorists while muscling his way through
04:58a crawlspace doesn't inspire you to spike some eggnog and duct tape a candy cane to your back,
05:02then frankly, you don't deserve a Christmas tree. What are your favorite not-quite-Christmas
05:07movies? Harry Potter? Little Women? Let us know in the comments right down there, and
05:11join us here every Friday morning for new episodes of Heat Vision Breakdown. Happy holidays, everybody!
05:15It's the first week of December.
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