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Itll Be Alright On The Night S37E13
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00:00Thanks, Chez. Well, I'll come and pick her up in a bit, yeah?
00:03All right, thank you.
00:07She's staying for a tea.
00:08Well, she's right.
00:09We're her parents. We should have been able to sort this.
00:12Yeah, well, I was on my way to sorting it before you started.
00:17Nobody had planned for that.
00:19Oh, that's like my house.
00:21Oh, wow.
00:23I was going to say it wasn't me, but I think it actually wasn't me.
00:42Welcome to more catastrophes from your favourite faces.
00:46Bradley Walsh almost falls on his blankety-blank.
00:54Jimmy Carr goes too far.
00:58I didn't say a goddamn word.
01:00Yeah.
01:02And James Martin is nearly eaten alive.
01:06This is the most stupid program.
01:09So let's commence the cock-ups.
01:17We start with Ant & Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway, where it's nice to see I made the right decision to
01:24be unavailable for this particular episode.
01:27With my sense of timing, I'd never pull off this trick.
01:30Now, he's a man in a big intro, so we've lined up something special for him.
01:35It's Stephen Muller!
01:41Wow.
01:45Didn't go quite as well as planned, that, did it?
01:47Not like in rehearsals, was it in rehearsals?
01:50Oh, welcome back, guys. Welcome back.
01:53After this, someone's definitely getting fired.
01:59Just not Stephen.
02:02Welcome to my Cotswold kitchen.
02:06Oh, Prue, I love what you've done with the place.
02:10We're joining Prue in the Cotswolds, as she's about to demonstrate a very complicated and advanced cooking technique to her
02:17husband, John.
02:19Can you whisk the whites, darling?
02:23Ooh, here we go.
02:25I'm just going to test it first.
02:28Put it in.
02:30I don't do that.
02:31That's the eject button.
02:32That's it.
02:33You just...
02:34You just hit the eject button.
02:36Whoops!
02:39Should have married Mary Barry.
02:41She'd been much kinder.
02:43She'd been kinder.
02:44No, Prue, John made the right choice.
02:47I always say, marry the one who puts the most booze in your trifle.
02:52Put it in.
02:53Now, I'll start.
02:57Alan Carr's sitcom, Changing Ends, is a labour of love for all involved, but cast and crew have so much
03:04fun making it, they've forgotten the first rule of filming.
03:08And, action.
03:11Oh, it's you.
03:12Give these to your mum, will you?
03:14Some lovely pieces in there.
03:16Make sure she doesn't lump it.
03:20Guys, remember to close the road.
03:27Love Island, and in the show, the islanders may come across as physically perfect, but it's a different story in
03:34the scenes that get cut out.
03:36They're so muscly, they're all, well, top heavy.
03:43They're meant to be falling in love, not falling over.
03:50Time for school, and for all you Waterloo Road fans like me, we're bringing the character of Chloe back from
03:56the dead.
03:57Yay!
03:58Sadly, she was killed off for breaking the number one school rule.
04:02Right, okay, erm, so, Izzy's brother, Tommy, sorry, I looked straight down the camera just then.
04:09Coming to you live, yes, who knows?
04:11That's a fail, Chloe.
04:13Hello.
04:17It's the classy crime drama, McDonald and Dodds, where the real mystery for Jason Watkins is, why are they filming
04:25this on a flight path?
04:27You knew this man was following you.
04:30It's Greek Mafia, isn't it?
04:31Only you knew that he was followed.
04:34Let's just wait for this.
04:38You knew this man was following you?
04:41Any minute now.
04:47Any minute.
04:52Is there more than one plane?
04:59Where is this?
05:01The car park at Stansted Airport?
05:05Oh, give it up and go for a tea break.
05:12The 9.06 to the Maldives.
05:17Oh, I think I need a week in the Maldives myself after that stressful wait.
05:24Oh, no, it's wonderful.
05:26Ricky and Ralph's road trip has brought them to the Lake District.
05:29And after a hard day on camera, it's time to relax.
05:35Shall we hover for a few minutes and have a brew?
05:37That's a perfect idea.
05:40It's always handy to bring a film crew with you on holiday,
05:43so they can provide you with everything you need for the perfect cuppa.
05:46I never go anywhere without mine.
05:50Now, you see...
05:52Do you see this?
05:53You don't throw that in the water.
05:55No.
05:56Because...
05:57We don't want to pollute the water.
05:59Correct.
06:00Oh, that milk's off!
06:03Oh!
06:07It's got huge lumps in it!
06:10It's what?
06:10It's got huge lumps in it!
06:13You know that bottle of milk you gave us?
06:16It was off!
06:16Oh!
06:18Oh!
06:20Oh!
06:26Live TV cock-ups now.
06:29Lorraine is off work today, so sadly she's not going to get any of Andy Peter's birthday cake.
06:35Happiest of birthday...
06:36But with Andy's serving skills, maybe that's for the best.
06:38Come back!
06:39He's coming! I knew he was!
06:42He'll catch up with us in a second.
06:44Oh, no!
06:44He's got cake!
06:45Is that for me?
06:47How nice!
06:48There we go.
06:49Thank you so much!
06:52He just fell!
06:56It's all happening today.
06:58Yeah, Christine.
06:59Don't worry about checking up on him.
07:01You carry on.
07:02How are you there?
07:04We're partying here.
07:05It's just the stage he's going through.
07:07Just the stage he's going through.
07:08Absolutely.
07:10Poor Andy.
07:11The only man in TV who can give himself the birthday bars.
07:19How far does it go to find?
07:21Nine or ten.
07:22I'll go right up.
07:24It's brave of Alison and Dermot to give this a go, but I'm not sure live TV is the most
07:29suitable environment for learning how to cook.
07:32And I'm not saying that as a layman. I've actually got a GCSE in food technology.
07:37A star.
07:38Yeah.
07:38That goes in.
07:39Palm sugar.
07:40Palm sugar goes in with your lime juice, so you're balancing that acid and sweetness there.
07:45I don't think it's acid and sweetness Alison should be worried about here.
07:48The acidity of the lime.
07:49Why palm sugar particularly?
07:51Because it has a more caramelised flavour.
07:54Oh, Alison's is a bit more than caramelised.
07:56Do you want to turn it off now, Al?
07:57Yeah.
07:58Shall we turn it off?
07:58Turn it off?
07:59Yes, turn it off.
08:01Before the whole place burns down.
08:02Smoked paprika.
08:03A little bit black.
08:04Yeah, smoked paprika.
08:05It is okay if you like eating charcoal.
08:08A little water.
08:09Not a lot.
08:09Oh, I've made a gravy.
08:12Freshwater prawns.
08:13And gravy.
08:14Yum.
08:15A little bit of smoked paprika.
08:17Oh, yeah.
08:17It's definitely smoked.
08:19So be very careful.
08:20It's fine.
08:22Live TV news in Germany, where they're always willing to let the kids on work experience
08:27have a go in the control room.
08:33It's like a magic show.
08:34Now you see her.
08:35Now you don't.
08:39Morning, everyone.
08:39How are you doing?
08:41Tell us a bit about this.
08:42This is Australia's first self-service butcher.
08:44How did you come up with an idea like this?
08:45Self-service and meat.
08:49It's not a subject you'd think suitable for live morning television.
08:52But I suppose we are in Australia.
08:54I'll give you a unique code.
08:56You can let yourself in 24-7 and there's cameras under surveillance.
08:59And in two years, we've had zero shrinkage.
09:03Zero shrinkage.
09:04That's handy.
09:07Jacob, I want to know how many members you've got there.
09:10Oh, come on, guys.
09:12Stop it.
09:13No talking about his members whilst your audience are trying to tuck into their breakfast sausage.
09:18I mean, bi-monthly or seasonally, that sort of thing when they're travelling.
09:21Well, I'm getting there as soon as I can.
09:25Sounds delicious.
09:27Thank you, big fella.
09:29Live on Good Morning Britain, lovely Ben is about to receive a crash course in emojis.
09:34Although for Ben, it's more of a car crash course.
09:37An emoji speaks a thousand words, so you must use them carefully because I have dumped guys in the past
09:44for the use of the wrong emoji.
09:45No, you haven't.
09:47Aren't you picky, Nadia?
09:48We are.
09:49Which one has led to you dumping them?
09:50What, the thumbs up?
09:51No, like anything sort of vegetable-esque, like the aubergine.
09:56It's one of my friend's favourites.
09:58She sends me an aubergine all the time.
10:00Just a friend, is she Ben?
10:02Are you serious?
10:03Yes.
10:03Oh my goodness, now I'm with Nadia on this.
10:07She sends you...
10:08That doesn't require very much...
10:09No, no, no.
10:10No!
10:10Because it's such a stupid emoji, so she'll say...
10:13Oh, she's using it ironically.
10:15Yeah, yeah, a bit of an aubergine for heaven's sake.
10:17What's the...
10:18Kate's appalled!
10:20You can't be sending aubergine.
10:21Exactly.
10:22Bless you, sweet, sweet Ben.
10:24So innocent.
10:26What's being implied by sending the aubergine?
10:28Well, it's...
10:29Genuinely, it's because it's a nonsense emoji.
10:32Yeah.
10:32Oh, Ben.
10:33So trusting.
10:34I almost don't want them to tell you what it means now.
10:38No, I'm sorry for the aubergine.
10:42Exactly.
10:42Have I got to drop it?
10:43You're never going to win.
10:44The aubergine is a no.
10:46Let's move on.
10:47Look at it!
10:47Come on, let's pee.
10:49Oh, come on.
10:49Let's save us, Alex.
10:50Apparently it's the weather next.
10:527.35.
10:53I forecast a red face once Ben finds out what it really means.
10:57Let's go for it.
10:57I'm definitely not sending you an aubergine.
11:00Not again.
11:10Coming up, cock-ups on your favourite quiz shows.
11:13And of course, no look at quiz shows would be complete without an appearance from Stephen Mulhern.
11:19Now would it?
11:20Okay.
11:21Fingers ready.
11:22Here's your next one.
11:23Take your time with this one.
11:25Wait for the clue.
11:26But what will leave everyone clueless?
11:29Take off!
11:30Take off!
11:31Find out after the break.
11:56Here's your next one.
11:59Oh!
12:00Take your time with this one.
12:01Wait for the clue.
12:05Literally, the priorities have gone through the roof.
12:09Sorry, what?
12:10Was that the answer?
12:12Oh, Stephen, you didn't.
12:18I have never in my life done that.
12:21In ten years.
12:23I was like, this is a very tricky one if it's not that.
12:29That's so funny.
12:30But it was Jeremy going, was that the answer?
12:34And Stephen Mulhern's on £200 now.
12:37Let's have a look at the board.
12:39Oh, my God.
12:40I am so sorry, Valerie.
12:42Brilliant.
12:43Oh, so sorry.
12:44Look at the hours on the animation they've worked.
12:46Wow.
12:46Have you honestly never done that?
12:47Stephen, you've let yourself down.
12:50You've let down the contestants.
12:52But most of all, you've let down poor Mr. Chips.
12:59That's fantastic.
13:01Can I have a guess?
13:04A league of their own, where the questions are ludicrously hard.
13:09Why on earth did they think I'd know anything about sport?
13:13Thankfully, Jill Scott has discovered the perfect excuse for me
13:17to try next time I'm on.
13:19Blue team, I am going to need an answer from you.
13:23Who blends their roast dinners?
13:24What do you think?
13:25Who eats their meals backwards?
13:26And who talks to their water before drinking it?
13:28Let's see what you've got.
13:30What do you think, guys?
13:32Nothing's happening.
13:33Nothing's happening.
13:34Jill's got MBE.
13:35Her screen has gone down.
13:37Can you bring me the f*** who's responsible?
13:39And I'll do it immediately.
13:41I'm so sorry this has happened, Jill.
13:42I know.
13:43You're a national treasure and people are f***ed up!
13:46You told us this was like...
13:48Not really joking.
13:49Jill's squeeze is not working.
13:50We saw that.
13:53Alan Carr's epic game show.
13:56And is that yuletide joy I can smell?
13:59No.
13:59It's just members of the audience who've had too many Christmas spirits.
14:03But isn't it good of the celebrities to give up their valuable time
14:06at such a busy time of year?
14:08Yes!
14:09Clearly they're very big-hearted.
14:12And also clearly didn't get offered a lucrative panto roll this year.
14:15Oh, yes, they did!
14:17No, seriously, they didn't.
14:19Oh, yes, they did!
14:21They...they didn't!
14:23Oh, yes, they did!
14:28You weren't meant to say it once, you morons!
14:36Where have you got these?
14:37Have they just got into a weather spoon with a net?
14:41Somehow, I don't think the audience will be making Alan's Christmas card list.
14:44And who better than celebrities to...
14:47Now, a serious question about mammals on Tenable.
14:51I'm not sure why Warwick's audience think it's so funny.
14:56OK, Dick, here are your ten clues.
15:00Screaming hairy.
15:02Greater horseshoe.
15:03Grizzly.
15:04European roe.
15:06German shepherd.
15:07Hazel.
15:08Fennec.
15:09Clydesdale.
15:10Brown-throated three-toed.
15:12And...
15:13Sperm.
15:17They're so childish, honestly.
15:19Every year we have this.
15:21The producers are reminding Warwick, in his earpiece, what he now needs to say.
15:26OK.
15:29You...
15:30You can't make me go to that sentence next.
15:37OK.
15:38And Sperm.
15:39How do you feel about that, Dick?
15:48I don't know why you're laughing.
15:51I've no idea why she's laughing either.
15:57Countdown.
15:58My favourite game involving words and numbers that isn't the one where I try to remember my online banking password.
16:04Laura.
16:05Budgies.
16:05Budgies.
16:06She smuggled seven points, Brendan.
16:08Budgies.
16:09At least you didn't smuggle them, eh?
16:11I just said...
16:15Brendan, maybe you should have smuggled in a hearing aid.
16:19Budgies.
16:19Seven points.
16:22Blankety-blank now, and if there's a catchier theme tune on television, I can't think of it.
16:27But in this clip, Brad Walsh proves it's not just Brad Pitt who can do all his own stunts.
16:33Yo, Rido Troops, everyone on my street loves me.
16:37Everyone on my street loves me.
16:39In fact, whenever I walk down the road, I hear people say,
16:42There goes...
16:46Barney Walsh's dad?
16:49Everyone...
16:49Everyone on my street loves me.
16:51In fact, whenever I walk down the road, I hear people say,
16:54There goes Brad.
16:56Isn't he a massive blank?
17:00Jill Scott's ready to tackle that.
17:02She can do it without even leaving her seat.
17:04I'll see it, you!
17:15Leave the physical stuff to the gladiators, Brad.
17:25Oh, God!
17:30Oh, God!
17:35Be kind, you lot.
17:38Always, Bradley, always.
17:41Oh, God!
17:41What can we do again?
17:50TV presenter cock-ups now.
17:53Oh, yeah.
17:53It's not as easy as it looks.
17:55And on this morning, it's Friday the 13th.
17:57Unlucky for some.
17:58But specifically, unlucky for Alison.
18:02Good morning and welcome to your Friday's this morning.
18:06Morning, everyone.
18:06Now, do you know something?
18:07It's the last Friday of the week.
18:09Yeah.
18:10What?
18:13The last Friday of the week?
18:16It's the last Friday.
18:18It's the last Friday of the week.
18:19Congratulations for that.
18:20But guess what?
18:21It's only...
18:23Sorry.
18:24It's only Friday the 13th.
18:26I love you so much.
18:26Oh, she's going to be embarrassed about that tomorrow.
18:29Which, to be clear, will be Saturday, Alison.
18:31That's Saturday.
18:35The one show where Alex Jones proves that TV presenting is as easy as A, B...
18:42Er, what comes next?
18:44Well, it's difficult to know where to start, isn't it?
18:47Because you've all got so much to talk about.
18:49But we're going to start with you, Bill.
18:50OK.
18:50We're going to your alphabetical order.
18:52Now, I'm very excited.
18:54Andy.
18:55Actually, it'll be me.
18:57See you later.
18:58Whoops.
19:00We'll go down the sofa.
19:03There we go.
19:04Oh, I mean.
19:06Anyway, forget that happened.
19:09I was going to be kind and say maybe Alex was thinking of the Welsh alphabet, but I looked
19:13it up and it starts in exactly the same way.
19:16No.
19:17That's what we talked about.
19:18King's Council.
19:19It was just that...
19:19Over to BBC Breakfast, where it's not just the weather that's unpredictable.
19:23It's the weather presenters, too.
19:26Erm, it's approaching a quarter past six.
19:27Let's check in on what the weather is doing.
19:29Carol has all those details.
19:30Good morning to you, Carol.
19:31Oh.
19:32Oh, it's Sarah, indeed.
19:32Carol, you changed.
19:33Sorry.
19:34A surprise, Carol.
19:35So, good morning.
19:37Carol, you've regenerated.
19:40That's embarrassing for you, Ben.
19:42But look on the bright side.
19:43There's a rainbow.
19:44It's been very wet.
19:45I'm so sorry, Sarah.
19:47Erm, I hadn't turned to look at the screen.
19:49And there you are, of course.
19:50Nice to have you with us this morning.
19:52I'm sorry to call you Carol.
19:53Oh, dear.
19:54I forecast a cold front sweeping across the next team drinks.
19:57It's just gone 40.
19:59Of course, the most important thing a TV presenter needs to remember is...
20:04Turn up for work!
20:07And also, just in breaking news, normally we do have a third person who is with us.
20:13Alan Hughes.
20:14He's been here for a while.
20:15He sure has.
20:16Where is he?
20:17Unfortunately, the alarm clock didn't go this morning.
20:19Apparently it didn't.
20:20He'll get you.
20:21He's fine.
20:21He's on the way into work.
20:2325 minutes later, and there is still no sign.
20:26But I'm sure presenter Alan can rely on his colleagues to cover for him and not throw him under the
20:31bus.
20:31Plus, myself and Alan Hughes.
20:34Any sign of Alan?
20:35Any sign of Alan Hughes?
20:36The traffic is very bad this morning.
20:38The traffic is very bad this morning.
20:39It's eight o'clock.
20:40With friends like these, who needs enemies?
20:43If he decides to arrive...
20:45He'll get you.
20:47TV presenting can flummox even the iconic Lorraine.
20:51Here, in a discussion about Taylor Swift's romance with Mattie Healey, she accidentally makes a bit of a boob.
20:58Now, the romance of the year...
21:00Yeah.
21:01Now, have we got to a point, Lorraine, where they have the joint name?
21:05Because I was just trying to think.
21:06I mean, you can't really have Swift Heel or Taymat.
21:09But I quite like Mattie Tay.
21:12Oh, OK.
21:13Shall we make it a thing?
21:15Mattie Tay.
21:15Let's make it a thing.
21:16Mattie Tay.
21:16Let's go with Mattie Tay.
21:18You and I will always call them Mattie Tay.
21:20Lorraine, honestly, what do you like?
21:24I think you just about got away with it.
21:26But whatever you do, resist the urge and don't say it again.
21:31Who knows what's going to happen with Mattie Tay?
21:35Mattie?
21:36I'm going to make Mattie Tay a bit...
21:37It sounds like Mattie Tay.
21:39That's the only thing when I say it.
21:40What, Lou?
21:41We don't want that!
21:43Don't we really, really do not?
21:45Well, I don't know.
21:46I think a lot of people do want that.
21:48They do.
21:49The ratings have just gone through the roof.
21:53Back on Ireland AM,
21:55the show has been on air for one hour and 36 minutes
21:58and there's still no sign of their presenter, Alan.
22:02Roger, Roger.
22:02We're looking for Alan Hughes.
22:04I'm telling you to see Alan Hughes.
22:06I think the N50 is that way.
22:07He's heading to West Wales.
22:10Oh, my God.
22:11Guys, how are you?
22:12Alan is lucky.
22:13If this show was on ITV,
22:14he'd already have been replaced by Stephen Mulhern.
22:17It worked!
22:18It worked!
22:20It worked!
22:21It worked!
22:21Roger, Roger.
22:22Look who has arrived into studio.
22:24Stop!
22:25Hello!
22:26Stop!
22:27I'm not the better of it.
22:28Oh, Alan.
22:30And you're still wearing your pyjama top.
22:32So, first of all, your alarm doesn't go off.
22:34Your producer phones you.
22:36Where are you?
22:37And then you go,
22:38I'll be there in ten minutes.
22:39Fine, I'll be there in ten minutes.
22:41It's an hour and ten minutes.
22:42Chaos, is it?
22:43It's chaos on the N50.
22:55That sound you can hear,
22:57it's the school bell ringing for the break.
22:59But before that,
23:00I just want to say to the teachers in bad education,
23:03it's your own time you're wasting.
23:06I miss you, babes.
23:07I miss you too much, sorry.
23:10That was so awkward, anyway.
23:12Try again.
23:14Well, I miss you, babes.
23:15I'm so sorry.
23:17You've got...
23:17I've got to stop you there.
23:18No, but then I'm going to come back onto my...
23:20I'm so sorry.
23:21Right, okay.
23:21Sorry.
23:22One more time.
23:24Well, I miss you, babes.
23:25I miss you too, mate.
23:25Good luck with the job, hun.
23:26Or trips.
23:27So sorry.
23:28For them, detention.
23:29But for us, it's break time.
23:42Welcome back.
23:43Still to come.
23:44For sex.
23:45News bulletin bloopers.
23:46It actually says for sex, sex in there.
23:50All creatures not so great.
23:56And some dodgy daytime TV.
23:59That's what's known as the Freudian slip.
24:03Stay with us as the cock-ups keep coming.
24:09Ghosts.
24:10And how hard can it be to do a simple scene of dropping a phone in the bath?
24:15Well, it turns out very hard indeed.
24:20Wonderful.
24:20Yes.
24:21Mercy.
24:21Yes.
24:22The name for the book is...
24:23Oh, no.
24:24Oh, no.
24:25Oh, no.
24:29Not the Cabernet Sauvignon.
24:34I can see your voice.
24:36A BBC show for the whole family.
24:38You hear that, Jimmy?
24:39I said, it's a family show.
24:41Yes.
24:42What's the thing now I see with the bros where they sort of call mumbley?
24:45Like, they're all stuck up like that, aren't they?
24:46Dead straight.
24:47What is that?
24:48It's laminating.
24:49Yeah, laminating.
24:50I do that.
24:50You laminate a flower, not a bro.
24:52Yeah.
24:53You can laminate your brows now.
24:55Laminating a lady's face meant something very different when I was allowed.
25:00Oh, Jimmy.
25:01Now you've lowered the tone, everyone is at it.
25:05What the hell?
25:07I spend my life on TikTok.
25:10And I've never come across his face.
25:12Whether that's just a coincidence.
25:14A heap, but it's true.
25:16I didn't say a goddamn word.
25:17Yeah.
25:20I knew what you were thinking.
25:22All the cameras just went to me.
25:24I knew what you were thinking.
25:25I'd never come across his face.
25:27Oh!
25:28I can't even realise why I said that.
25:33When in Rome, do what the Romans do.
25:38For me, that means have a limoncello spritz and drive badly.
25:42Of course, you could always have a sing-song.
25:44We're going to a village.
25:47We'll have a little village.
25:49I need to find some...
25:50Oh, fucked it.
25:51Sorry, lads.
25:52Hmm.
25:53Interesting use of Latin.
25:54Sorry.
25:58To Coronation Street, where it's all drama.
26:01All the time.
26:03Even before the cameras start rolling.
26:06Thanks.
26:07We are at speed.
26:10OK.
26:11And action.
26:14Oh, you've set the alarm up.
26:17Someone's hot part was a little too hot.
26:22Over to Love Island and nothing says romantic ambience
26:26more than a liaison conducted from two sweaty beanbags
26:30on AstroTurf.
26:32I mean, this witty repartee between Whitney and Lachan
26:35isn't exactly Noel Coward, is it?
26:38The more I speak to you, like initially I was like, what the fuck?
26:41Oh, really?
26:42Yeah.
26:42But the more I speak to you, it's like, it does get better.
26:46What's like red flags for you?
26:47Yeah, Whitney, what are your red flags?
26:50Giant insects, perhaps?
26:52Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
26:58It's gone, it's gone.
27:02That was good, though.
27:04I was just trying to take it cool, like...
27:07Take it cool, take it cool. You did well, and then it sat on you.
27:10I'll have what she's having.
27:12I hope Meg Ryan impressions aren't Lachan's red flag.
27:18Emma Dale, with a rather intense scene from Noah's stalker storyline.
27:22Although, this first take did miss a vital twist in the tale.
27:26What, so you're dumping me?
27:28When you're the dirty slapper who's slated with my mate?
27:31Noah?
27:32Noah? I barely met her.
27:34Just, wow.
27:37I'm sorry, Chloe.
27:43I'll just shut up, you.
27:47I forgot to turn.
27:49Well, you won't win a TV Quick Award without the twist.
27:54Over to Britain's Got Talent,
27:56and I'm afraid you'll need your opera glasses for this one.
27:59What do you mean you don't have any opera glasses?
28:03Watch what happens when Ant decides to join diversity.
28:06Pay close attention to the left-hand side of the stage.
28:22I'll be back!
28:25Wow!
28:27If you didn't catch that, I won't tell you.
28:29That was quite a heavy fall.
28:32Well, it might be hard to see,
28:35but Ant has an honest face,
28:37so I'm happy to accept his word.
28:40Wow!
28:41Are you OK?
28:42I don't know if I am OK.
28:47I'll admit, doing both of those things at the same time
28:50is a clever trick, Ant,
28:52but I'm afraid it is not an act suitable
28:54for the Royal Variety Show.
28:55I can't confirm he did fall.
28:59And I can confirm he did fall.
29:02The BGT producers found a better angle.
29:05No, no, you know what he's saying to him.
29:12And they were more than happy to share it.
29:15I'm claiming, I tell you.
29:17When there's a claim, that was a very slippery stage.
29:20You better lawyer up, Simon.
29:21Yeah, Simon.
29:22I'm coming after you.
29:24Now, I...
29:27Yeah, Bruno, no need to rub it in.
29:31That's my job.
29:41News cock-ups now.
29:43Although the news can be so depressing nowadays,
29:46which is why I love it when it goes wrong.
29:48I know you parrot the government's propaganda
29:51on what happens around Europe.
29:53One of the European trade union leaders
29:57attached to a Labour trip.
29:59What you see about minimum standards
30:00is bollocks.
30:02Whoa!
30:03I was quoting.
30:05Hang on a moment.
30:05Well, that is Labour.
30:06That's Labour propaganda.
30:08Where did that come from?
30:08A European trade union leader.
30:10Because across Europe...
30:12Sorry, we can't get past
30:13off-com regulations
30:14just because you're quoting us.
30:15That would help.
30:16Yeah, you tell him, Susanna.
30:19An apology for people who are offended by that word.
30:21If I said, all right,
30:22you said something that rhymes with rollocks.
30:24How's that?
30:25Are we all right there?
30:26Well, I think we all know what word you were referring to,
30:28given as you said it.
30:29He is still...
30:30And if you've been offended by anything I've said this evening,
30:33please bear in mind that I've said it all using air quotes.
30:39Well, it is minus 13 tonight,
30:41which is why most people are off the streets.
30:43There are a few people out here tonight.
30:45STV reporter David Marsland.
30:47He's been sent out into the freezing cold
30:49to chat to local business owners
30:51and is now cursing his colleagues back in the warm studio.
30:56Don't worry, David.
30:57By the end of this report,
30:58you'll be burning with embarrassment.
31:01People get on with it, you know.
31:03You can't just stop just because of the weather.
31:05And people have been talking about the community
31:07being kind of locked in here,
31:09unable to get out of Dune.
31:10Have you seen new faces or maybe old faces coming back?
31:13Certainly.
31:14I'm afraid you can't see any faces.
31:16We're blurring them for reasons that will become obvious.
31:19But I've had a couple of newcomers coming in
31:21because of people just getting stuck in their cars.
31:24They've had public melding their stuff
31:25from Aberdeen just coming in,
31:27just couldn't get anywhere, you know, on certain nights.
31:30Yeah, it's a cold and clear night.
31:31We may even see a full moon.
31:34It's getting a bit too clean now, David.
31:38BBC News, known for its objectivity and impartiality.
31:42I think my favourite thing about BBC presenters
31:44is that you never, ever know what they're really thinking.
31:48The average age of a US senator is 64.
31:52And by way of comparison,
31:54President Joe Biden is 80 years old,
31:56Donald Trump... Donald Trump, pardon me, is 77.
31:59I don't know. You might have been right the first time.
32:03Yeah.
32:04A school collapse...
32:05ITV News and an interview with Gillian Keegan,
32:08an education secretary who perhaps needed re-educating
32:11about what it means to be on camera.
32:14But you're saying that the government is not responsible,
32:17ultimately, for the safety of children in schools?
32:19The school building's responsibility is with local authorities.
32:23OK. Thank you very much.
32:25Gillian knows the crew are still rolling,
32:27but, unfortunately, so is she.
32:30Does anyone ever say,
32:31you know what, you've done a f***ing good job
32:33cos everyone else has sat on their arse and done nothing?
32:36No... no signs of that?
32:38No, Gillian, I don't think many TV reporters do say that,
32:42especially not on the Tea Time News.
32:45From our Perth headquarters, this is Seven News
32:48with Susanna Carr and Rick Arden.
32:51In Australia, there is breaking news
32:53about an emergency at Perth Airport
32:55as a plane is forced to return due to a fault.
32:58It's all very dramatic as they go live to their reporter, Rory.
33:01Rory, what happened?
33:06Rory?
33:09Rory?
33:10Looks like they'll have to send someone else down
33:12to report on what's happened to Rory during his report.
33:16Sorry about that.
33:18We hope to go back to that story later.
33:21BBC News Look North,
33:23where distinguished broadcaster Peter Levy
33:25illustrates the age-old saying,
33:28when you're in a hole, keep giggling.
33:30Now, it's estimated that the bill
33:32to repair Lincoln's glory hole
33:34will be anything between £60,000 and £100,000.
33:40The footpath has been closed since February
33:44and Lincolnshire County Council
33:45have blamed difficulties in accessing the site
33:48and the extent...
33:50Peter, what are you laughing at?
33:51I don't understand.
33:52I don't understand.
34:02And it's another news clip to take us to the break.
34:05The doctor will see you now.
34:07Let's bring in emergency doctor, Kim Hansen,
34:09and Dr Maureen Williams, a patient advocate.
34:12Thank you so much for your time, ladies.
34:13Appreciate it.
34:14But what is about to have everyone's heart rate
34:16jumping through the roof?
34:19Find out when we return.
34:34Welcome back.
34:35Before the break, we were down under
34:37for a medical discussion,
34:39which is absolutely not the same thing
34:41as having a medical discussion about down under.
34:46But did you guess what would have everyone's heart rate
34:48jumping through the roof?
34:50Okay, look, sorry to interrupt.
34:52We're just running out of time.
34:54The Emergency Medicine Foundation
34:56is pledging $1.3 million towards tackling this crisis.
35:01How will that help?
35:04It impowers out.
35:05Sorry, there's something very big behind you.
35:07Can you see that magpie?
35:09Oh, dear.
35:10It looks like you're going to need an emergency department after that.
35:13As long as it's not swirping, Carlos,
35:15they might be okay.
35:16All right, now try and proceed with caution if you can.
35:23Yes, proceed with caution.
35:24Under no circumstances, start waving around a pasty.
35:29And do not wander around with a big bag of chips.
35:32Work out how to fix this really complex problem.
35:34Has anyone got a big gun?
35:36Well, that's not very humane.
35:39These medical professionals have vowed to do no harm.
35:42Hey, ladies, I'm just riveted to this shot.
35:44I mean, if we could just take one more clean shot of it.
35:47There we go.
35:48Ladies, thank you for bearing with all sorts of problems this morning,
35:52especially a giant-sized...
35:54Magpie.
35:55Magpie in the background.
35:59Some more animal cock-ups now,
36:01and James has gone outside
36:03to show off his strictly moves
36:05to his guests and pet dog.
36:07Not sure what this has got to do with cooking, really.
36:09It's all a bit of a dog's dinner.
36:11What's happened to my kid?
36:14I'm not sure about this cape.
36:15It's a bit of a disaster, the cape, actually.
36:18OK?
36:19So, one, two...
36:21Oh, no, James, what's happened?
36:29I think the ball won.
36:31Now, it really is a dog's dinner.
36:34James, don't let him eat your beautiful face.
36:37This is the most stupid programme.
36:40That's why we love it, James.
36:42My weekend just wouldn't be the same without it.
36:45Shall we go down by the river?
36:48The real housewives of Cheshire.
36:50They look a lot hairier than I remember.
36:53Oh, my mistake.
36:55There they are.
36:56They make eye contact.
36:58Do they bite you?
36:59Can I help it?
37:00No.
37:01Are you all right?
37:01Oh, my God.
37:04Oh, my God.
37:06Oh, my God.
37:07Why are you putting your back down, you idiot?
37:10Tired.
37:11I'm running a commotion.
37:12Really?
37:13Well, good luck.
37:14Because I think, in all the commotion,
37:16one of the other monkeys nicked your passport.
37:18Oh, my God.
37:19Oh, Tanya, calm down.
37:20Calm down.
37:20Calm down.
37:23And for these young orphaned elephants,
37:25this charitable foundation is what they call home.
37:28This reporter is at the Sheldrick Wildlife Trust in Kenya.
37:33A haven for elephants and rhinos.
37:35But what about a haven for harassed reporters?
37:38Where's their haven?
37:39Human actions are destroying habitats,
37:41decimating our entire ecosystem
37:43and disrupting the circle of life.
37:46And with the rise in drought cases,
37:48it is up to us to be guardians of our own natural world,
37:51save our wild species,
37:53and provide a home.
37:55Pledge now to save endangered reporters.
38:00You ready, Pete?
38:01Natural world are telling the story
38:03of a wildlife hospital near Alice Springs.
38:06Pete the Wombat is much better,
38:08but before his medication,
38:10he still gets nervous.
38:12Give me a treat.
38:15It wasn't me.
38:18Oh, jeez.
38:20Honey boy.
38:22This is your favourite.
38:24I'm the same before an injection.
38:27Sorry, doctor, if you're watching,
38:28but thanks for letting me sit on your knee.
38:30In a moment, he's going to have his medication.
38:34David Mitchell's outsiders
38:35and Judy Love and Gus Kahn
38:37can handle a crowd.
38:39But can they handle a llama?
38:43Don't move, don't move, don't move, don't move.
38:45Don't move, don't move.
38:46Carmilla.
38:47Oh, shit.
38:49Oh, shit.
38:56I thought I'm going to piss myself.
38:58Carmilla.
38:59But Judy needn't worry.
39:01Carmilla seems a lot more interested
39:03in David's film crew.
39:05Oh.
39:06She can carry items.
39:08All right.
39:09Where the fuck are you going to pull this way?
39:11Je me me me.
39:12Everyone shit in the house is good.
39:14Lovely.
39:15Don't fight her.
39:17I think this would be a great time
39:18for a recording pause.
39:20Gus, let go,
39:21or she'll drag you back to South America.
39:25The brave Steve Backshaw
39:28is in Argentina
39:29looking for anaconda.
39:32Oh, Steve,
39:33why can't you present something nice
39:35involving antiques?
39:36I don't remember anyone being choked
39:38by a snake on Bargain Hunt.
39:40Careful, Steve,
39:41you're looking for anaconda,
39:42not your car keys.
39:44Ah!
39:46That was a caiman.
39:48And I've just been given
39:49a really nasty bite.
39:51Are you all right?
39:52Yes.
39:52Honestly,
39:53I'd be running screaming,
39:54but stalwart Steve just carries on.
39:58I've just had one of my first
40:00nasty bites from an animal
40:02just trodden on a caiman here
40:03and it's whipped round
40:06and taken a good chunk
40:09out of my leg.
40:12So, unfortunately,
40:13anaconda hunting
40:14is off for the rest of the day.
40:17It's an extreme way to pull a sickie.
40:19I don't think I'll be trying it
40:20any time soon.
40:21Bye, Steve.
40:23That's it.
40:23Off you go.
40:24Don't worry about your crew
40:25stranded in this swamp
40:26full of anaconda and caiman.
40:38Daytime TV disasters now.
40:40And, of course,
40:41the worst thing that can happen
40:42on daytime TV
40:43is when it all goes a little bit
40:46nighttime TV.
40:46It opens to people in England only
40:48and if you sign up
40:49by going to our website
40:50and pledging 180 minutes a week
40:52for sex...
40:53for six...
40:54It actually says
40:56for sex in there.
40:57It does say.
40:58Can you...
40:59Can you...
41:00Can you show...
41:02I just want someone...
41:03Can we show them the prompts?
41:04Show them the prompts on three.
41:05There you go.
41:06That wasn't me.
41:08That wasn't me.
41:09It's in the prompt.
41:10Just because it's in the prompt
41:12it doesn't mean you have
41:12to read it out, though,
41:13does it?
41:14You can read that
41:15in one go.
41:16In one go.
41:17In one go, yeah.
41:21Ireland AM
41:21where the presenters
41:23are often in trouble
41:23with their producers
41:24for using cheeky innuendos.
41:27Still,
41:27that doesn't stop them
41:28trying to slip something in.
41:30Very nice.
41:31This is a delicious dessert
41:33that explodes in your mouth, Alan.
41:36Don't Alan use...
41:38Don't Alan.
41:40Stop it.
41:42Stop.
41:43Are you laughing at me?
41:44Are you laughing at me?
41:45No.
41:47No, Catherine,
41:47I don't think it's you
41:48he's laughing at.
41:50But they're really
41:50chocolate fondant cakes.
41:52Do you know
41:53where you get the chocolate?
41:54Alan,
41:55pull yourself together.
41:57The melted chocolate comes out.
41:59Have you got that?
42:00Right.
42:01Now,
42:02timing is important for this.
42:03Anyway,
42:04we'll get to it.
42:05Oh, dear.
42:07Derek!
42:09Save us!
42:10Is it wet out there?
42:11Is it wet?
42:13Honestly,
42:13a double entendre was enough.
42:15There was no need
42:15to go for the triple.
42:17This one, Catherine,
42:17that looks delicious.
42:19Can't wait to taste it later on.
42:22Loose women,
42:23and I've heard of makeup
42:24being piled on,
42:26but not like this.
42:27Hemorrhoid cream,
42:29right?
42:29Now,
42:29we all know
42:30where we normally put that,
42:31but a makeup artist told me...
42:42that's what's known as the Freudian slip.
42:45A makeup artist told me that the old Hollywood sirens,
42:51you know,
42:51the Greta Garbo's,
42:52whatever,
42:53put it on their face
42:54because it tightens up
42:55the skin
42:57and makes it...
42:58And I was going to show you,
42:59but sadly,
42:59we've run out of time.
43:01Out of time.
43:02Talk about hitting rock bottom.
43:07It's Ben's final week
43:09on Good Morning Britain
43:10before his move
43:11to this morning,
43:12and he's going out
43:13with his head held high.
43:15He's never put a foot wrong.
43:17Talking about interacting,
43:19I think this was just made for you,
43:22Ben Shepard.
43:22Do you recognise this?
43:24It is from one of TV's
43:26most iconic moments.
43:27Oh!
43:28That gorgeous shot!
43:29Oh, yes!
43:30It's Colin Firth's white shirt
43:31that he wore as Mr Darcy.
43:33Ben,
43:34that was made for you.
43:35I thought it was
43:36Wee Willy Wanky's...
43:37Wee Willy Winky's nightgown.
43:39Wee Willy Wanky?
43:40Yeah.
43:40How do you do?
43:42Not such a golden boy now,
43:44are you, Ben?
43:44But it makes us love you
43:45even more.
43:46This is all the same.
43:47It's feeling really good right now.
43:52And we love it,
43:53don't we, Lorraine?
43:54We do.
43:55We're going to have such fun.
43:56Don't you worry, sweet Ben.
43:58We've got no prejudice
43:59and now you've got no pride.
44:01Keep going, keep going.
44:02Keep going.
44:12Thanks to all the talented
44:14production teams
44:14and stars
44:15for their cock-ups.
44:17We've just time
44:17for one more
44:18from Richard Osman's
44:19House of Games.
44:20Tom Rosenthal
44:21is about to draw
44:22a famous historical figure.
44:25I hope.
44:26You'll have 30 seconds
44:27to draw that figure.
44:28Cindy,
44:28you've got 30 seconds
44:29to guess
44:29and your time
44:30starts now.
44:38Planet telescope.
44:40I mean,
44:40goodness me.
44:42Planet telescope.
44:43Oh dear.
44:48Galileo.
44:48Yes.
44:49Galileo.
44:50Galileo.
44:51Wow, great.
44:51I bet Galileo
44:52never thought
44:53he'd look like that.
44:56It's not the best
44:57one I've ever seen,
44:58but the good news
44:58is you're going
44:58to get 250 quid
44:59every time that's shown
45:00on it.
45:00It'll be all right
45:01in the night
45:01for a long time to come.
45:04Maybe he can invest
45:05that money
45:06in some art classes.
45:08Thanks for watching
45:09and good night.
45:12APPLAUSE
45:32All right.
45:34See you next time.
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