00:00How are you doing, Fred?
00:01Yeah, excuse me, Fred.
00:02Oh, pardon my galoshes.
00:05I am Hotsyashi, a Japanese priest who acts like Santa Claus.
00:10I have eyes in the back of my head so children better behave when I'm nearby.
00:19Dear friends of the Simpson family, we had some sadness and some gladness.
00:24Grandpa is still with us, feisty as ever.
00:27Maggie is walking by herself.
00:29Lisa got straight A's.
00:31And Bart, well, we love Bart.
00:35Oh dear, maybe Bart is a little more realistic.
00:39A tattoo?
00:40A what?
00:40Yeah, they're cool and they last the rest of your life.
00:43You will not be getting a tattoo for Christmas.
00:45Yeah, if you want one, you'll have to pay for it out of your own allowance.
00:48All right!
00:49Homer!
00:58Oh, Bart, that's so sweet.
01:01It's the best present her mother could get and it makes you look so dangerous.
01:07One mother, please.
01:09Wait a minute.
01:09How old are you?
01:1121, sir.
01:11Get in the chair.
01:13How was your trip?
01:14Fine.
01:15You both look well.
01:17Yeah, well, Merry Christmas.
01:19It's Christmas?
01:20You wouldn't know it around here.
01:21And why is that?
01:23Well, for one thing, there's no tree.
01:24Well, I was just on my way out to get one.
01:34What do you think, kids?
01:36Beauty, isn't it?
01:37Wow, yay, Dad!
01:37Way to go, Dad!
01:39Why is there a birdhouse in it?
01:41Uh, that's an ornament.
01:43No, I smell gunpowder.
01:45I'm Bart Simpson.
01:46Who the hell are you?
01:46I'm Charlie O. St. Nick.
01:48Oh, yeah?
01:48We'll just see about that.
01:51Don't kill me, Dad.
01:52I didn't know it was you.
01:53Nobody knows.
01:54It's a secret.
01:55I didn't get my bonus this year,
01:57but to keep the family from missing out on Christmas,
01:59I'd do anything.
02:00I'll say, Dad.
02:01You must really love us to sink so low.
02:06Now, let's not get mushy, son.
02:07I still have a job to do.
02:14What are you looking at, Bart?
02:16Are those naughty dogs back again?
02:26Mr. and Mrs. Simpson,
02:27this is our district psychiatrist,
02:29Dr. J. Lauren Pryor.
02:30What do we need a psychiatrist for?
02:32We know our kid is nuts.
02:33Oh, on the contrary.
02:34I have some very exciting news for all of us.
02:37This aptitude test we administered this morning
02:39has revealed that the young Bart here
02:40is what we call a gifted child.
02:42A what?
02:43Your son is a genius, Mr. Simpson.
02:44Bart?
02:45This longhead?
02:46Impossible.
02:46Good to see you.
02:47Glad you could make it.
02:48Oh, thank you, Mr. Burns.
02:50I'm so glad you invited us.
02:51Not me.
02:52I had to miss Little League for this.
02:53Quiet, Tom.
02:54Oh, please, please, don't fight.
02:56Just go out back and have a good time.
02:58Fire that man, Smithers.
03:00Ah.
03:01Oh, yes.
03:01Oh, and this must be your lovely wife, Marge.
03:05Oh, and look at little Lisa.
03:07Why, she's growing like a weed.
03:09And this must be, uh, Brat.
03:12Bart.
03:12Don't correct the man, Brat.
03:14Did you have a good time, son?
03:16Yeah.
03:16Thanks, Pop.
03:18Oh, that's the kind of family unity I like to see.
03:22Smithers.
03:22Yes, sir.
03:22I predict big things for him down at the power plant.
03:25Quick, Bart, give me a kiss.
03:27Kiss you?
03:27But Dad, on your kid.
03:29Bart, please.
03:30Five bucks for a kiss.
03:35I've never seen such an obvious attempt to curry my favor.
03:38Fabulous observation, sir.
03:40Just fabulous.
03:41Who's next?
03:42Me, me, me.
03:43No, no, me.
03:43No, me.
03:45Listen, can you teach me to fight?
03:46Like you do?
03:47Oh, come on.
03:48I'll tell you what.
03:49I'll do it if you bark like a dog.
03:51Jump, you little.
03:54You got yourself a deal, Fido.
03:57You don't even know your own wife's birthday?
03:59Well, of course I know.
04:01Sure.
04:02You really thought I forgot, didn't you?
04:04Oh, right.
04:05What'd you get her, Dad?
04:06Yeah, what'd you get?
04:07Uh, well, a very thoughtful gift.
04:10But it's a surprise.
04:12You know, it's such a beautiful morning.
04:14I think I'll take a little stroll around the block.
04:22I think you forgot, Mom.
04:24Come on, Bart.
04:25You're gonna make me a print, aren't you?
04:27Will you swear not to let another living soul get a copy of this photo?
04:30Okay.
04:31Crush your heart and hope to die?
04:32Yep.
04:32Stick a needle in your eye?
04:33Yep.
04:33Jam a dagger in your thigh?
04:35Yep.
04:35Eat a horse manure pie?
04:36Yep.
04:37Well, okay.
04:39Psst.
04:39Look what I got.
04:40Whoa.
04:41I gotta have a copy of that.
04:42Sorry.
04:43Oh, come on.
04:44Well, okay.
04:45Well?
04:46All right, Mother.
04:46I would like you to meet Milhouse, Lewis, Richard, and Bart Simpson.
04:52This is the Bart Simpson you're always talking about?
04:54Mm-hmm.
04:55But he looks so sweet.
04:57I am, ma'am.
04:58Simpson, let's move on now, Mother, shall we?
