- 9 hours ago
The Muppet Show
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:12I don't know.
00:56Oh, Wolf?
01:00Have you been playing this whole time?
01:03Well, what'd you think it was?
01:04Some kind of sentimental montage in your head?
01:06We're doing the show again, Frog.
01:08Oh, that's right.
01:09Scooter, it's time.
01:11You got it, boss.
01:15Sabrina Carpenter, 30 seconds to curtain, Miss Carpenter.
01:18Miss Carpenter.
01:20Thank you, Scooter.
01:21Oh, my God.
01:23It's you.
01:24I love your outfit.
01:25So do I.
01:26You're going to have to change.
01:28Yes, ma'am.
01:30Is that my wig?
01:31I don't wear wigs.
01:33This is my real hair.
01:34No, yeah, same.
01:36No, and I know that.
01:38No, I know you know.
01:38Great.
01:39Okay.
01:43It's the Muppet Show with our very special guest star, Sabrina Carpenter.
01:48Yay!
02:01It's time to play the music.
02:04It's time to light the lights.
02:06It's time to meet the Muppets on the Muppet Show tonight.
02:10It's time to put on makeup.
02:12It's time to dress up right.
02:14It's time to raise the courage to love the Muppet Show tonight.
02:17Why do we always come here?
02:20I guess we'll never know.
02:22It's like a kind of torture to have to watch the show.
02:32Right now, let's get things started.
02:34Why don't you get things started?
02:36It's time to get things started.
02:38How sensational, inspirational, celebrational, gravitational.
02:42This is what we call the Muppet Show.
02:56Thank you, thank you.
03:00Hi-ho, and welcome to the Muppet Show, everybody.
03:04Now, we are so excited to be back on the very stage where it all started and then ended
03:10and then is maybe starting again, depending on how tonight goes.
03:14Hmph.
03:14I can't believe they're doing the old show again.
03:17Well, if it ain't broke.
03:18No, they are broke.
03:20That's why they're doing it.
03:21Oh!
03:23Okay, now to kick us off.
03:25It's our very special guest, a sensational singer, songwriter, and global superstar,
03:30the one and only Sabrina Carpenter.
03:33Woo!
03:37Oh, quiet!
03:40Ugh, hooligans.
03:41Do it, do it, do it!
03:46Stop, or you'll be removed!
03:49Don't worry, Sam, I got it.
03:58You said your phone was broken, just forgot to charge it.
04:03Hold out what you're wearing, God, I hope it's ironic.
04:06Did you just say you're finished?
04:09Didn't know how we started.
04:10It's all just so familiar, baby, what do you call it?
04:16Stop, or is it slow?
04:21Well, maybe it's...
04:23But there's a cue to work for it.
04:27Stop?
04:28I know.
04:29I know.
04:57Are you always gonna runnin' to take it on my mind?
05:01Oh, I like my voice, playin' hard to get.
05:05And I like my man, all incompetent.
05:09And I swear they choose me, I'm not choosin' them.
05:12Amen.
05:14Hey, man!
05:26I like my man, all incompetent.
05:44Amen.
05:46Hey, man!
05:55Hey, man!
06:03Whoa, what an exciting opening of you, Kermit.
06:06Great job, chickens.
06:07I'm sorry about the fan.
06:11Scooter, come here.
06:13Why is it so crowded back here?
06:15Well, uh, these are all the acts in the show, boss.
06:17Well, are you sure I approved all of that?
06:20And more.
06:24Yeah, remember how excited everyone was to be at our first show back?
06:28Mm-hmm.
06:28And you kept telling them that their acts sounded fun.
06:31Scooter, everybody knows that that sounds fun is just a polite way of saying no.
06:36Yeah, that feels pretty indirect, boss.
06:38You know, this could be a problem.
06:39Okay, well, an ex-person who talks to me is definitely getting cut.
06:43Mm-hmm.
06:44Oh, Kermie!
06:48Excuse-moi, talent walking.
06:50Oh, where are the talent?
06:52Me!
06:53Me!
06:53I'm the talent!
06:54Oh!
06:56Oh, Kermit!
06:57Isn't it wonderful being back in the theater again?
07:00Giving the people what they truly want?
07:03What?
07:05Good luck.
07:07Scooter, uh, uh, yeah, uh, Piggy, uh, you know, uh, the show is, uh, it's running kind of long.
07:14And, uh, you know, it looks like you're doing two acts.
07:17Exactly.
07:18Now, about the musical number.
07:19When I emerge from the giant seashell dressed as Aphrodite, let's make sure our 300 dancing
07:25Spartans know to exit the Trojan horse precisely on my high B flight!
07:33Right.
07:34Uh, you're just thinking out loud here, but, uh, you think maybe all that historical accuracy
07:39might upstage you?
07:42No.
07:45Kermit, Kermit, I couldn't help but overhear because I was spying on you guys.
07:49If you need, I can help you trim some of the show.
07:51Oh, really?
07:52Uh, thanks.
07:52What were you thinking?
07:53How about a little off the top?
07:56Uh, I don't know if prop comedy is going to help us right now, Phy.
08:00Uh, guess I'll have to put on my thinking cap, then.
08:05Uh, like it?
08:07Uh, uh, sure, if it can help you think of how to cut some acts from the show.
08:11You got it, pal.
08:12Got an idea already.
08:14Oh.
08:15Hey, Seth Rogen!
08:17Oh, hey, Fozzie, this is incredible.
08:20It's always been a dream of mine to be here.
08:22Ooh, got any other dreams?
08:24What, what, what does that mean?
08:27Your cat.
08:28Oh, I'm the executive producer.
08:31Then you can let yourself know we're going in a different direction.
08:37Our next act is the world's most fearless daredevil slash performance artist who's been shocking audiences and insurance companies for
08:46years.
08:47Let's hear it for the great Gonzo!
08:53Thank you so much.
08:55Behold, it is I, the great Gonzo.
08:58And tonight, I will attempt this deadly obstacle course on self-driving runnerskates.
09:04All the while reciting every Academy Award winner in the category of Best Supporting Actress.
09:14Woo-hoo!
09:15Ignite the rings!
09:18Release the blades!
09:22And it starts right now!
09:26Goldie Hawn, the pin in the on-go, Sally Winters!
09:32Oh, that was painful.
09:35For him or for us?
09:36Both!
09:40And now, pigs in wigs.
09:53Duchess Pigotton of County Bale-upon-Sandwich
10:01Lord Scrappleton and...
10:05It's plus one
10:07What?
10:08Darling
10:12What a dazzling soiree, mon cherie
10:15Oh, hello, how are you?
10:17Lovely to see you
10:18She has some nerve showing her face around here
10:22What a chic ensemble
10:24Love whatever that is
10:26Apparently the dress code was optional tonight
10:30Darling, you're so devilish
10:35Say, could you be a dear and fetch us a beverage
10:38Pretty please
10:40Of course, my crumpet
10:43Now I'll be right back
10:53Oh lover
10:54The coast is clear
10:56Psst, Piggy
10:58I forgot to tell you
10:59We had to recast your lover
11:01W-what?
11:02W-with who?
11:04Hola
11:06You've gotta be kidding me
11:08Hey, I'm just as confused as you are, okay?
11:11All right, let's just get on with it
11:15Oh lover, how I've missed your chiseled chin
11:18Your luscious thick head of raven hair
11:22And your big strong arms
11:25You're talking to me?
11:27Yep
11:27There you are, my darling
11:31And who are you, kind sir?
11:33I don't know
11:34I was back there schmoozing
11:36When someone put me in this weird jacket
11:38And threw me on the stage, okay?
11:40Oh no, I've been caught
11:42And now my public lover
11:44And my secret lover
11:46Whomst I am torn speech-winst
11:48Must do to the death
11:50Because they are so madly in love with moi
11:53Uh, yes, uh, about that
11:55I-I should tell you
11:56I-I've-I've met someone
11:58What?
11:59When?
12:00Just now
12:01By the carving station
12:02I know it's only been a few seconds
12:05But it's true love
12:06What is happening here?
12:09You heard him, okay?
12:10It's love
12:11Good for you, my friend
12:12Oh, thank you
12:13Well, I'm so happy
12:15Ugh, forget it
12:17I'm getting out of here
12:18While I still have my dignity
12:21Ooh
12:25Ah!
12:30Your projectiles, sir
12:32Ah, too late
12:33Sketch is over
12:34Actually, why don't you leave him?
12:36There's a lot more of this show left
12:38Unfortunately
12:38Oh!
12:41Okay, feathers glued
12:43Don't hug anyone
12:44Until it is dry
12:45Next
12:45Okay, everybody
12:47All of your names
12:48Are on this run of show
12:50In a highly specific order
12:53And as long as I have this list in my hands, the show will go off without a hit.
13:00Olympia Dukakis! Monique!
13:05Feels like you kind of jumped at fate with that one.
13:10Okay, yeah, thank you very much. Now for our next musical number, let's take it to the streets. The rat
13:17-infested streets.
13:28I've been trying to call. I've been on my own for long enough. Maybe you can show me how to
13:35love. Maybe.
13:39I'm going through withdrawals. You don't even have to do too much. You can turn me on with just a
13:46touch. Baby.
13:48Maybe. I look around and sin city's cold and empty. No one's around to judge me. I can't see clearly
13:58when you're gone.
14:01I said, ooh, I'm blinded by the light. No, I can't sleep until I feel your touch.
14:11I said, ooh, I'm drowning in the night. Oh, when I'm like this, you're the one I trust. Hey! Hey!
14:24Hey!
14:29I said, ooh, I'm blinded by the light. No, I can't sleep until I feel your touch. Hey! Hey! Hey!
14:42Hey! I got the bird! I get the bird! I got the bird! We're gonna be now!
14:59Sorry! On vocal rest! Can't talk! On vocal rest! Scooter, what is going on here? Am I on next or
15:06what?
15:07Oh, uh, Kermit had to cut your number, Miss Piggy.
15:10Didn't he tell you?
15:11What? Does it look like he told me?
15:14You think I'm wearing these gladiator sandals for my frickin' health?
15:18Uh, probably not.
15:20Ah! Kermit!
15:25Yep. Good to be back.
15:29So sorry about the mishap earlier.
15:31We're still working out a few kinks.
15:33Oh, that's all right. I love a kink.
15:35Oh, oh.
15:37Well, uh, I just wanted to say we're really honored to have you here with us tonight.
15:42Are you kidding me? Being here is a dream come true.
15:44I mean, I could have been anywhere else in the world tonight.
15:47I turned down a Pulitzer Prize and getting my face on the new quarter.
15:51And a second date with...
15:54Really?
15:56He's single?
15:56No.
15:58But this is the only place I want to be right now.
16:01And nothing could...
16:02Open the door, frog!
16:05She knows, boss!
16:06I think someone's at the door.
16:08Uh, uh, who's that?
16:11No, no, no. That's, uh, that's just an old theater, you know.
16:15These pipes can be pretty noisy.
16:17Hi!
16:19Where is he?
16:21Wow, the door wasn't even locked.
16:23I know you're here, frog!
16:26Miss Piggy, I'm sure you get this all the time.
16:28I actually meant to tell you earlier, but you're my idol.
16:31Aww.
16:32Yeah, I basically, like, modeled my whole look and style after you.
16:36Oh, trust me.
16:37My attorneys and I have taken notice and we will be in touch.
16:41Aww.
16:42And I'll make sure my attorneys respond to your attorneys.
16:45Ooh, ooh, ooh.
16:47Did you hear that?
16:48Oh, Kermit said the theater is really old and the pipes are a little noisy.
16:52Oh, really?
16:53What else did Kermit say?
16:55Did he mention he got my big number from the show?
16:58What?
16:58No, that's crazy.
17:00There's no Muppet Show without a Miss Piggy number.
17:02Exactly!
17:03If only he were around to hear that door.
17:06Everything.
17:07I am so sorry.
17:08You don't deserve to lose one second of screen time.
17:11You are an icon.
17:12Oh, stop it.
17:13You're too sweet.
17:14Go on.
17:15Oh, I mean, I grew up watching you, my parents grew up watching you, their parents grew up watching-
17:21Okay, meet and greet over.
17:23If Kermit ever shows his face, you let him know.
17:26I am going to sing in this show!
17:30Oh, help me.
17:32Oh, no, that's right.
17:34Are you okay?
17:35Sorry.
17:35I forgot you were down there.
17:37I'm fine, Sabrina, you know, it happens a lot more than you'd think.
17:41Hey, Scooter, you know the drill.
17:43Let's get another door in here.
17:45Already on it, boss.
17:48You know, I've actually met Kermit a few times.
17:50He's actually really lovely.
17:53I mean, I've met a ton of celebrities, a lot of jerks, but not Kermit.
17:59I mean, yes, but not that big.
18:05Oh, I'm Maya, by the way.
18:08Hm.
18:10Hm.
18:12Hm.
18:14Hm.
18:21Welcome to Muppet Labs, where the future is being made today.
18:25I'm Dr. Bunsen Honeydew.
18:26and this is my fearless assistant, Beaker.
18:34Today, we tackle a modern epidemic, distraction.
18:38These days, everything is competing for your eyeballs.
18:42Mobile devices, televisions, and the day-to-day terrors
18:45that consume our brains when we aren't looking at the first two.
18:49Well, now you can focus effortlessly
18:52thanks to my latest invention, Focus Pocus.
18:56One drop of this serum per eye,
18:58and your attention span will multiply exponentially.
19:03Beaker, come back, come back.
19:05Sit on the stool.
19:07That's it, good.
19:07Now, I'm going to just lower the stool gently.
19:11Okay, there we go.
19:13A little teedrop.
19:14This won't hurt me at all.
19:16There we go.
19:17There, there, there.
19:20Oh, dear, that might have been just a teensy bit too strong.
19:31Maybe I neglected to dilute it properly.
19:34Now, let's see, where did I write that down?
19:41Oh, this is interesting.
19:42This one's marked urgent.
19:44Hmm, I'm sure that's fine.
19:56I feel alive, you know?
19:59I mean, as a performer.
20:15Oh, wow.
20:17Like, are you okay, Kermit?
20:19Uh, yeah.
20:21Because you seem a little wound up.
20:23Like, like your chakras are, like, totally out of whack.
20:26Oh, you're right, I guess I am, uh, a little stressed.
20:30Hey, thanks for checking in.
20:31Oh, for sure, because, you know, like, I can read auras,
20:34and yours is, like, bad.
20:38It is?
20:39Oh, totally.
20:40And we're breathing in.
20:43Oh, is that what we're doing?
20:49Uh...
20:49Janice?
20:50Can I breathe out yet?
20:53Uh...
20:55Janice?
20:56Oh, huh.
20:57Actually, that did make me feel a bit better.
21:00Almost like things are gonna be okay.
21:03This is a Muppet News Flash!
21:05Emmy Award-winning comedy icon Maya Rudolph is dead!
21:10Woo!
21:12I saw the light.
21:14And there was a river of souls.
21:16And a wall of flames.
21:19And I was doing award show patter for a man in red.
21:23That sounds like heaven.
21:24Right?
21:27Correction!
21:27Emmy Award-winning comedy icon Maya Rudolph is alive!
21:31A thing fell on her and made her be alive again!
21:34Stay tuned for more hard-hitting news!
21:37Whoopi Goldberg!
21:38Get down to Houston!
21:39Close this way!
21:41Show's not half bad.
21:43Yeah, it's all bad.
21:45Go!
21:46Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee!
21:47Oh!
21:58Baby, when I met you, there was peace unknown.
22:03I set out to get you with a fine-tooth comb.
22:07I was soft inside.
22:10There was something going on.
22:15Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.
22:18You do something to me that I can't explain.
22:23Hold me closer and I feel no pain.
22:27Every beat of my heart.
22:30We got something going on.
22:34Love, love, love, love, love, love.
22:37Island's in the stream. That is what we are. No one in between. How can we be wrong? Sail away
22:47with me. To another world. And we will not show you. Uh-huh. From one sailor to another. Uh-huh.
23:01I can't be without you if this boat was gone. Everything is nothing if you've got no way. You'll just
23:12run in the night. Slowly lose sight of the real thing.
23:28But that won't happen to us and we've got no doubt. Now you're in this boat and I am freaking
23:37out. And the message is clear. This could be the year for the real thing.
23:44The real thing. Islands in the stream. That is what we are. No one in between. How can we be
23:56wrong? Sail away with me. To another world. And we rely on each other. Uh-huh. From one deal to
24:09another. Uh-huh.
24:23I just have to say. Singing a duet with you has always been a dream of mine. And now I've
24:28done it. And I'm still so young.
24:31Yes. Just like me. I'm young. Very. Look at us. Two young ingenues at the top of their game.
24:45Well, um, does this mean we're good then? You're not going to try to sue me for stealing your look?
24:51It's called copyright infringement, sweetie. And of course not.
24:55What? That's really for the lawyers to decide.
25:01I'm trying to do the best that I can. Back up. Back up. Just a little bit.
25:05We're trying to be fair. We're trying to be fair to everybody.
25:09Okay, everybody, stop!
25:12There is only time for one more act.
25:16What? One more?
25:17But which one, boss? How are you going to choose?
25:25Where am I going to go?
25:27Kermit, I'm going to get you to the bell.
25:30Look. Do you trust me?
25:33Well, of course we do, Kermit.
25:36I mean, maybe not this guy.
25:40I've been burned before.
25:44Okay, uh...
25:45Hey, give me a minute, okay?
25:47Why don't you go back to me?
25:55Hey there, folks.
25:58How are you all doing so far?
26:01Um, I can't say that the show has gone exactly the way we planned.
26:06Jamie Lee Curtis, we did it, Kate?
26:10Uh, the point is, uh, maybe we're a little rusty.
26:14But, uh, but we promised to do a great show for you,
26:18and, uh, I hope that you at least enjoyed some of it.
26:28Well, now we're at the end,
26:30and you're all probably wondering what the final number is.
26:34In fact, I was supposed to come out here
26:36and announce one of the acts waiting backstage.
26:40But, um...
26:42I'm sorry.
26:45I'm not going to do that.
26:49See?
26:50Can't trust anyone.
26:57Tonight, we're going to have ourselves
27:01a real good time.
27:05I feel alive.
27:12And the world
27:14I'll turn it inside out
27:18I'm floating around
27:21In ecstasy
27:23So don't stop me now
27:28Don't stop me
27:30Cause we're having a good time
27:32Having a good time
27:33I'm a shooting star
27:35Leaping through the sky
27:36Like a tiger
27:37Defying the laws of gravity
27:40Woohoo
27:41I'm a racing car
27:42Passing by
27:43Like Lady Godiva
27:45I'm gonna go
27:46Go, go
27:47Cause I don't want to stop at all
27:52Don't stop me
27:53Don't stop me
27:53Ha, ha, ha
27:54Don't stop me
27:56Don't stop me
27:56Boo, hoo, hoo
27:58Don't stop me
27:59Don't stop me
27:59Wah, wah, wah
28:01Don't stop me
28:02Don't stop me
28:02Have a good time
28:03Good time
28:08Don't stop me
28:09Don't stop, don't stop
28:12Don't stop me
28:13Cause I'm having a good time
28:15Don't stop me
28:16Cause I'm having a good time
28:18I don't want to stop at all
28:22Oh
28:23Oh
28:24Oh
28:24Oh
28:30That was great
28:31We did it
28:32Yeah
28:34Well being honest
28:35I'm a little insulted
28:35They were gonna cut me
28:36But they kept this armadillo
28:38And the tutu in there
28:40Never even seen that guy
28:42That guy's not canon
28:44Well that's about all the time we have
28:47But before we go
28:48Let's give a great big thank you
28:50To our incredible guest star
28:52Sabrina Carpenter
28:53Yay
28:55Thanks to Thomas
28:56You know
28:57You fit right in with us
28:58Sabrina
28:58Well it helps her with the same height
29:00Good point
29:01Diane Wiest
29:05Good night everybody
29:07We'll see you next time
29:08Good night
29:08Good night
29:09Good night
29:11Good night
29:12Good night
29:13Good night
29:15Good night
29:15Good night
29:16Good night
29:16Good night
29:17Good night
29:19Good night
29:21Good night
29:22Good night
29:22Good night
29:23Good night
29:23Good night
29:24Good night
29:24Good night
29:24Good night
29:25Good night
29:36Good night
29:49Huh. I got this sharp pain in my left arm.
29:52I wonder what that's about.
29:54I'll tell you this much. It's not from clapping.
29:58No.
30:07No.
30:07No.
30:08No.
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