- 18 hours ago
Love Withdrawal New
Category
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Short filmTranscript
00:03roderick ripped my shirt open and froze my back was covered in scars old and new all from whippings
00:11what the hell happened here i misbehaved they punished me for it my voice was flat
00:19like i was talking about someone else's body he stared at the scars he'd never seen
00:24then he said you deserved it he sent me to that place three years ago to cure me of loving
00:34him
00:35i spent three years locked inside that place
00:40now i stopped loving him just as he wanted
00:47then he came running back and said
00:52i regret it
00:56for eight years i was a fixture by side
01:01everyone said i was addicted to him
01:04i was so obsessed with him that i'd run off any woman who got close to him
01:11whatever it took
01:13once i offered one of them money to leave roderick
01:16the woman laughed in my face
01:22being with roderick meant an endless supply of cash
01:26why would anyone walk away for such a pathetic amount
01:31then that woman took a staged fall down a flight of stairs
01:37roderick thought i pushed her
01:42and i ended up being sent to a rehab center by him
01:46others went there to quit smoking drinking or gaming
01:50i was there to let go of roderick
01:53in the end i succeeded only for him to tell me he regretted it
02:00the moment i stepped out of the rehab center
02:02i saw an audi parked there
02:04it looked totally out of place
02:07i glanced at it and lowered my head
02:10preparing to walk away
02:13the person who got out of the car called out to me
02:16it was roderick
02:18he had grown more mature in the last three years
02:22i glanced at him once
02:23then looked away
02:25the staff at the center taught us that staring was rude
02:28especially at someone we liked
02:31yes after three years
02:33i had been completely reformed
02:39roderick told me to get in
02:40i did so
02:43sitting quietly in the back seat
02:48i kept my head down
02:50staring at my lap
02:51and not moving a muscle
02:54roderick sat beside me
02:58i could feel the weight of his intense gaze
03:02the car was dead quiet
03:05i held my breath
03:06scared to make a peep
03:10but a cough escaped me anyway
03:12i've had this cough ever since the hard beatings at the center
03:17roderick glanced at me
03:21frowned
03:22then he turned away and rolled down the window
03:26as if my cough disgusted him
03:28the car pulled up at the dunlap's mansion
03:33roderick's grandmother
03:36maggie dunlop
03:37lived there
03:40it hit me why roderick had come to get me
03:45today
03:46as i remembered
03:47marked her 80th birthday
03:50maggie had always believed i was the one for roderick
03:54the only person who did
03:56also the one who signed the papers to send me into rehab
03:59he got out of the car
04:01didn't wait for me
04:03i hesitated for a second
04:05then blurted out
04:08um roderick
04:09roderick
04:11i didn't bring a gift
04:13he stopped
04:15for half a second
04:16i still hoped he might say something like it's fine or my grandma won't care
04:20but
04:21follow me
04:25he walked through the door without looking back
04:27my feet stopped at the steps
04:29i didn't want to go in
04:31my heart was pounding out of my chest
04:35from fear
04:38marie
04:38you're back
04:39come in dear
04:40maggie stood at the front door
04:42her arms half open
04:44waiting for me
04:50i walked toward her
04:52forcing my legs not to freeze up
04:56hello maggie
04:58marie honey
04:59why are you being so distant
05:05you're not mad at me
05:06for what happened
05:07are you
05:10maggie stroked my hair
05:12her eyes full of affection
05:15i shook my head
05:18her touch felt warm
05:21but it also reminded me of the last time she'd held me
05:26three years ago
05:27in a courtroom hallway
05:29if maggie hadn't threatened to harm herself to save me
05:32i probably would have been sent to jail instead
05:35she saved me from a cell
05:38but rehab was just a different one
05:43she let us inside
05:49the dining room stretched before me
05:52long table
05:54dim yellow light
05:57three place settings
06:00just like the dining hall at rehab
06:04i stopped at the doorway
06:06my feet just wouldn't move
06:08marie
06:10come sit honey
06:11maggie's voice was gentle
06:13but i couldn't make myself step forward
06:17dinner tables were dangerous places
06:27i sat down at the very edge of the chair
06:32roderick took the seat across from me
06:37maggie at the head
06:39the spaghetti was already on the table
06:44i stared at it
06:47the rules from rehab ran through my head
06:49head down
06:51no sound
06:52no reaching for anything else
06:56then i started eating as fast as i could
07:02marianne
07:03marianne
07:04marianne
07:05yes sir
07:06i set down my fork and shot to my feet
07:08the chair scraped the floor behind me
07:11no one moved
07:12roderick's hand was frozen mid-air
07:15still holding his fork
07:17maggie's wine glass hovered halfway to her lips
07:20i stared at the silverware i'd lined up straight
07:24then at my plate
07:26it was empty and clean
07:27i just stood there waiting
07:29someone was supposed to tell me what to do next
07:32but no one said anything
07:35the silence was worse than any punishment
07:39then it hit me
07:41i wasn't at the center anymore
07:44my hands started shaking
07:48you scared her you big idiot
07:54maggie's voice cracked
07:55she set down her glass and stared at roderick
07:58her eyes wet
07:59neither of them looked at me
08:01roderick's jaw was tight
08:03he didn't defend himself
08:06sit down mary
08:08you're home now sweetie
08:10just relax
08:12i sat
08:14but i couldn't eat another bite
08:18something about the way they looked at me
08:20or didn't look at me
08:22told me they'd seen it
08:25the girl who walked in three years ago was gone
08:28and the one sitting here now
08:31was someone they didn't recognize
08:36grandma was talking to you
08:38why weren't you listening
08:39roderick's tone was sharp
08:42i couldn't tell if he was mad i'd ignored maggie
08:45or just ticked off about getting swapped
08:50i'm i'm sorry at maggie
08:52i was just very hungry
08:54i didn't hear you
08:55i gave her an apologetic look
08:57the counselors at the center always drilled it into us
09:00apologies have to be sincere
09:03fear
09:03only i knew the truth
09:04it wasn't hunger
09:06it was fear
09:07fear of getting punished for not eating fast enough
09:11or for leaving food on my plate
09:12i vaguely recalled her telling me to try the other food
09:16i'd heard her but i just couldn't react fast enough
09:20so roderick called out to me
09:21by the time dinner was over
09:23my forehead was covered in a light sweat
09:25i wasn't sure if it was from the heat in the room
09:28or my own anxiety
09:29three years in that place had taught me one thing
09:32never let your guard down
09:33not even at a dinner table
09:37after dinner i returned to grumper's old house
09:39thank you for the ride
09:41i gave roderick a small bow
09:44maggie had wanted me to stay the night
09:46but i'd turned her down
09:47i didn't want any more contact with them than i had to
09:51so i'd asked roderick to drive me home
09:53you really want to stay here
09:55roderick frowned
09:56i glanced back at the house
09:59it hadn't been touched in three years
10:01now it was completely overgrown with weeds
10:04but i nodded
10:05i had nowhere else to go anyway
10:08i was flat broke
10:09and the clothes i was wearing were from three years ago
10:12the rehab center had given us uniforms
10:15so these clothes had never even been worn out
10:18i bent down to pull some weeds
10:20the little critters living there scurried away
10:22i saw cockroaches, mice, and a snake
10:26coiled in the corner, too lazy to move
10:28once upon a time i would have jumped straight into roderick's arms
10:33now i just stared at them calmly
10:35and looked for a stick to shoo the snake away
10:39roderick pulled me back toward the car
10:44what's wrong?
10:45i didn't even realize he was still there
10:47didn't you see that snake?
10:50oh right
10:51i'd forgotten roderick hated reptiles
10:54i saw it
10:55it's fine
10:57i'll just shoo it away with a stick
10:59if it bothers you, you can just leave
11:01i caught myself reassuring him
11:04i reached for the door handle
11:05ready to hop out
11:06but roderick locked the doors and drove off
11:11i quickly buckled my seatbelt
11:19where are you taking me?
11:20he didn't say a word
11:21i didn't dare ask again
11:23he took me to his private apartment
11:25he closed the door behind us without a word
11:27i couldn't leave it was a keypad lock
11:30he went straight to the shower
11:32probably trying to wash off the creeps from seeing all those critters
11:36i sat straight on the living room couch
11:39about an hour later
11:40roderick came downstairs in pajamas
11:42his hair still wet
11:43i knew better than to stare
11:45stay here until your place is cleaned up
11:47you can sleep here tonight
11:48i thought about it for a second
11:50then nodded
11:51thank you
11:53that house was a mess
11:54tackling it all alone would have kept me going way past midnight
11:59he walked over
12:00i stood up and stepped aside without thinking
12:04roderick grabbed my chin
12:05forcing me to look at him
12:06so you're over me
12:08his expression was questioning
12:10yes
12:10i didn't hesitate for a second
12:13any delay would have felt like an insult to everything i'd been through
12:17that night
12:18the nightmare returned
12:20in my dream
12:21countless eyes stared back at me
12:24filled with hatred
12:26disgust
12:27and contempt
12:27every single one of them belonged to roderick
12:32the next day
12:33when roderick left for work
12:34i asked him to drop me off downtown
12:39he didn't seem to mind as long as i wasn't in his way
12:44i hesitated in front of a florist is hiring sign
12:48i didn't have a college degree
12:51i never finished college because rotary had me sent to that rehab center
12:56hunting for a job
12:57the shop owners me staring at the sign but not coming in so he finally asked i nodded the owner
13:02looked to be in his mid-twenties and he seemed pretty nice the pay was three thousand dollars monthly and
13:08no diploma was required i just had to be on time to help out at the shop every day
13:12i asked the owner for a thousand dollars advance
13:16money makes the world go round
13:17i needed it for everything
13:19my official start date was the next day
13:22and to my surprise
13:24he trusted me
13:26i spent four hundred dollars on a used electric scooter from a local shop
13:31once upon a time four hundred dollars would have meant squat to me
13:35now i had to haggle just to get it for that price
13:38it's not like i was an orphan or anything
13:40three years ago my parents disowned me
13:43to protect the company and the family's reputation
13:45the only person who'd ever really loved me
13:48grandpa was gone a long time ago
13:50if he were still here i probably never would have ended up like this
13:55i rode the scooter back to grandpa's old house
13:59the weeds outside were already gone roderick must have sent someone to clear them
14:04inside
14:05everything was covered in a thick layer of dust and cobwebs
14:08it took me for hours just to make the place halfway livable
14:11most of the stuff inside was broken beyond fixing
14:15i was trying to carry out the junk when i tripped
14:19everything went flying all over the floor
14:21i was a mess my knee hurt and i was covered in dirt
14:26i saw a pair of shiny leather shoes stop in front of me
14:29i didn't even have to look up to know who they belonged to
14:33i got up slowly my knee throbbing with pain
14:39mr dunlap
14:40can i help you with something
14:42i'd gone from calling him rod to roderick
14:44and now to mr dunlap it was better this way keeping my distance
14:48i never wanted to go back to that hellhole ever again
14:52grandma sent me to check on how you're doing
14:53roderick's brow was furrowed
14:56please tell her i'm fine
14:58and she doesn't have to worry about me
15:00i crouched back down to clean up the mess
15:02that fall had just made everything worse
15:08roderick grabbed me by the back of my collar
15:10with a tear my shirt split right open it was the same shirt i'd worn yesterday and
15:15the same one i'd had three years ago the fabric was so thin it tore almost instantly
15:20my voice was sharp with anger as i clutched the torn fabric
15:23mr dunlap have some respect
15:28thank god it was only the back that tore
15:31but it was my only shirt i hadn't had time to buy new clothes
15:35and now how was i supposed to go shopping
15:38but his eyes were fixed on the scars on my back
15:41what the hell happened here
15:43i misbehaved
15:44they punished me for it
15:46my voice was flat like i was talking about someone else's pain
15:51you deserved it
15:52he walked out
15:53i glanced over my shoulder
15:55my back was covered in scars old and new
15:57all from whippings
15:59the newest ones were probably from a few days ago
16:02i couldn't even remember exactly which day
16:05they hadn't even fully healed yet
16:09i found a dusty shirt in the closet
16:11shook it off
16:12and slipped it on right away
16:14pretty soon
16:15i felt an itch on my back
16:17right over the wounds
16:18they probably got infected
16:20of course
16:21just as i was heading out to buy new clothes
16:24roderick came back
16:25was he back to laugh at me
16:27he tossed a bag at me
16:28change into these
16:30i refused
16:33he had a girlfriend
16:34and it felt wrong for him to be buying me clothes
16:37but it had been three years
16:39maybe
16:40chelsea was his wife now
16:41not that i cared
16:43roderick pulled me roughly back inside the house
16:48i sat down and did what he told me
16:54he cleaned the wounds on my back with antiseptic and rubbing alcohol
16:57it stung
16:58but i didn't make a sound
17:00it was nothing next to what i'd been through
17:03his hands were rough but strangely careful
17:05like he was trying to undo something he couldn't name
17:12roderick finished cleaning the wounds on my back
17:14he helped pull my shirt down
17:16his fingers brushed my skin
17:18i flinched and stepped back
17:22roderick pointed at the scar across my waist
17:26why is this one
17:27this one was different from the others
17:28deeper
17:29jagged
17:29like someone had cut me open
17:31this position
17:32is this your kidney
17:34he frowned
17:36what happened to your kidney
17:39my hand moved to cover the scar
17:42i don't know
17:44he stared at me
17:48you don't know what happened to your own kidney
17:50his voice was flat
17:52like he'd caught me in a lie
17:54i woke up one morning and the scar was there
17:58that's all i know
18:00roderick looked at me for a long moment
18:04then he let out a short breath
18:07why did they do this to you
18:10because i misbehaved
18:12but i'm good now
18:14what did you do
18:17one of the counselors caught me after i dropped food on the table
18:21roderick frowned
18:22he studied my face
18:23trying to decide if i was telling the truth
18:25elsewhere
18:25where else did they hurt you
18:27i shook my head
18:28i curled up when they hit me
18:30my back was the only part they could reach
18:33it's getting late
18:35you should go now
18:36i needed him out of this house
18:41i'll crash here for the
18:42no
18:44the word came out before i could stop it
18:49roderick turned and stared at me
18:51he looked like he couldn't believe what i just said
18:55you can't stay here
18:56my voice was shaking
18:57my whole body was shaking
18:59he took a step toward my bedroom
19:01i moved between him and the door
19:04i didn't think
19:05my body just did it
19:08move
19:09no
19:11he reached for my arm
19:13i yanked it back so hard i hit the wall
19:15my chest was heaving
19:17my hands came up
19:18then i realized what i was doing
19:21at the center
19:22if you raised your hands
19:23they beat you harder
19:24they said you were resisting
19:27roderick stopped walking
19:28he stared at my shaking hands
19:31at the way i was pressed against the wall
19:35mari
19:36calm down
19:37i bolted
19:38i ran into grandpa's room and locked the door
19:41pressed my back against it
19:43listened
19:46no footsteps
19:48i slid down to the floor
19:50my legs still wouldn't stop shaking
19:55late that night
19:56i woke up in grandpa's bed
19:58my leg was throbbing
20:00the knee i'd scraped when i tripped over the junk was swollen and hot
20:03then the pain moved up my back
20:06every wound roderick had cleaned was burning
20:08i touched my forehead
20:10my skin was on fire
20:11i tried to stand
20:13my legs folded and i hit the floor
20:15the dust made me cough
20:16at the center
20:17if you got sick
20:18you stayed on the floor
20:19no one came
20:20the staff said sick people were just looking for attention
20:23i didn't call for help
20:25i lay there until the room started spinning
20:27until i couldn't tell if my eyes were open or closed
20:30a shadow moved toward me
20:32then
20:32then it covered me
20:33when i opened my eyes again
20:34the ceiling was white
20:36and the air stink of bleach
20:37an iv was taped to my arm
20:39i was in a hospital
20:40i didn't know how i got here
20:42i pulled the iv out
20:43blood ran down my wrist
20:45i reached for my shoes
20:46roderick was slumped in a chair next to my bed
20:49his eyes red
20:50where are you off to
20:52i got a job
20:53i start today
20:55do you even know you're running a fever
20:57he sounded more tired than angry
20:59don't worry mr dunlop
21:00i'll pay you back for the medical bills
21:02as soon as i get my first paycheck
21:03i slipped out before he could say anything else
21:06i got on my scooter
21:07and made it to the flower shop
21:09just in time
21:09the front window was covered in red hearts
21:12a sign read
21:13valentine's day special
21:14the flower shop was packed
21:16i worked the register
21:17then chelsea harvey walked in
21:22chelsea was arm in arm with roderick
21:24laughing
21:25i froze
21:26chel's rod
21:27the owner walked over
21:28and shook roderick dunlop's hand
21:30the owner was clifford harvey
21:32chelsea harvey's brother
21:34i had been working for her brother
21:36chelsea spotted me
21:37her eyes went wide
21:39she flinched
21:40and harried her face in roderick's chest
21:42cliffy what is she doing here
21:44she's the one who pushed me down the stairs
21:46she pointed a shaking finger at me
21:47her voice trembling
21:49clifford stared at me
21:50his face twisted with disgust
21:53he grabbed my arm
21:54and shoved me out the door
21:57i hit the ground
21:59roderick stood in the doorway
22:00and watched
22:01he didn't move
22:02i pushed myself up
22:04looked at him
22:05i looked embarrassed
22:07maybe he couldn't stand it any longer
22:09he threw me some money
22:11and turned away
22:12i didn't want to lose this job
22:15fortunately a restaurant hired me
22:17as a dushmer
22:19a few days later
22:20chelsea came to that restaurant
22:22she found me
22:23then she made sure i saw her every time when she came
22:26i stayed in the back and scrubbed harder
22:28i thought if i kept my head down she would leave me alone
22:31but chelsea wasn't done with me yet
22:35i was carrying clean plates out to the dining area
22:38well look who it is
22:40the crawford group harris
22:42oh wait just a pathetic little shadow nobody wants around
22:45a few girls blocked my way
22:46my old college classmates
22:48chelsea stood behind them watching
22:50no innocent act this time
22:51i tried to walk past them
22:53did i say you could leave
22:56one of them grabbed my hair and yanked hard
22:58the plates crashed to the floor
23:00the whole restaurant went quiet
23:02all i could think about was how much those plates would cost me
23:06what's going on here
23:07roderick's voice
23:08he was standing behind me
23:10before i could say anything
23:11chelsea spoke up
23:12her voice soft and shaking
23:14rod
23:15we were just trying to make up with atmari
23:17catch up a little
23:19but then she lost her temper
23:21and tried to hit me with a plate
23:26the manager rushed over
23:27and stared at the broken plates
23:33are you out of your mind
23:35i opened my mouth
23:37don't
23:37just
23:38don't
23:39he pointed at the door
23:42get out of my restaurant
23:44now
23:46chelsea's friend
23:47smirked behind him
23:48one of them gave me a little wave
23:52chelsea was still tucked against roderick's chest
23:54her shoulders shaking
23:57the perfect victim
23:58i waited for roderick to say something
24:02he didn't
24:04he only cared about comforting chelsea
24:08he didn't even look at me
24:10i reached into my pocket and pulled out my cash
24:15handed it to the manager
24:18it left me with ten dollars
24:20i walked past
24:22at roderick on my way out
24:25outside
24:26the cold air hit my face
24:30ten dollars
24:32i could buy the cheapest bottle of sleeping pills
24:37i went to a pharmacy
24:38and took the pills at home
24:40small
24:42white
24:44like chalk
24:45in my palm
24:49i swallowed them one at a time
24:53i lost track of time
24:56right as my eyes closed for good
24:58i thought i saw it roderick standing in the doorway
25:03when is she going to wake up
25:04she's been asleep for days
25:06when i came to
25:08it seemed i heard roderick's voice
25:11why was he still clinging to me
25:13even after death
25:15it wasn't till a team of doctors began
25:18examining me
25:19that i understood
25:21roderick had rushed me here
25:23to have my stomach pumped
25:25i'd been given a second chance
25:29that figure i saw hadn't been an illusion
25:33it was him
25:35are you sending me back
25:38i looked at his darked expression
25:41the doctor says
25:42you may be suffering from depression
25:49roderick avoided my question
25:52i nodded
25:54but that wasn't the point
25:57all i cared about
25:58was whether i had to be sent back
26:03why didn't you tell me
26:08would you have believed me if i had
26:11telling him
26:13would only have made him think
26:14i was making excuses
26:16to leave that place
26:20i had reached out to him
26:21each resident was granted
26:23a scheduled call to family
26:26twice a year
26:27during my first six months
26:30i called him once
26:31i'm sick
26:32i cough up blood sometimes
26:37and they hit us
26:40can i please come home
26:43i promise i won't bother you anymore
26:46what did he say back then
26:49find a better excuse next time
26:56then he hung up
27:00after that that call
27:01i was beaten again
27:03i never called him after that
27:10why did i cough up blood
27:12their blows had landed on my back
27:15over and over
27:16the internal damage eventually
27:19affected my stomach and lungs
27:22seeing audric fall silence
27:25i knew he still didn't believe me
27:29i lowered my head
27:32and didn't ask again
27:33whether he'd send me back
27:35should i be sent back
27:37i won't leave alive
27:40in a place like that
27:41no one would notice
27:43whether a person was breathing
27:45i thought once i got out
27:47i could start over
27:48but i was wrong
27:50my peace was always shattered
27:52whenever roderick came into the picture
27:57the doctor called roderick out
27:59saying some test results were ready
28:03the door swung open as roderick stowed back in
28:08he yanked the blanket aside
28:11then my hospital gown
28:13an ugly jagged scar was exposed
28:17his eyes were bloodshot
28:19a vein throbbing on his forehead
28:22as he stared at me
28:24your kidney
28:26where is it
28:27he looked terrifying
28:31just like the staff at the center
28:34they had that
28:35same look in their eyes
28:37that look always came right before a beating
28:41i pulled the blanket up
28:43and hid underneath it
28:44the bed shifted
28:45as at roderick sat down beside me
28:48he gently tugged at the covers
28:50mary come out
28:52you'll suffocate
28:53his voice softened
28:54as if he'd realized he'd scared me
28:56promise you won't hit me
29:00my voice was muffled under the blanket
29:02only after he promised
29:06did i poke my head
29:09he asked again
29:11patient this time
29:12what happened to your kidney
29:16i shook my head
29:18i don't know
29:20roderick took out his phone
29:21and said he would investigate this thoroughly
29:25ever since learning about my depression
29:27roderick had barely left my side
29:29it was as if he was afraid i might try something again
29:32but i saw that the rehab center had been shut down on television
29:35no doubt it was roderick's doing
29:36it had posed as an educational institution
29:39behind closed doors
29:40it ran vile operations
29:44did he do this to you too
29:46roderick pointed at the screen
29:47the man being interviewed was the infamous director
29:49he spoke excitedly to the reporter
29:52i was helping them
29:53they should be thankful
29:55without my guidance
29:56do you think they'd be so compliant now
29:58go ask their parents
30:00their children are model citizens now
30:02aren't they
30:04i took a kidney laughs
30:05as my fair compensation
30:09my method
30:10was simple
30:14add something to their bedtime milk
30:16then proceed with the removal
30:19i'd watch them wake up
30:21in agony
30:24the man grew more animated as he spoke
30:26i felt a wave of dread seep into my bones
30:29the bloody scene felt like it had happened yesterday
30:31that night i went to bed as usual
30:33before lights out
30:34we all had to drink the milk the attendants brought
30:38refusal meant a beating
30:46in my sleep i felt like i was being restrained
30:50then slowly a sharp pain pierced my side
30:54my eyes flew open to see the director's horrifying face leaning over me
30:58it wasn't a dream
30:59he was staring intently at my waist
31:01the pain made me black out
31:02i didn't wake until the next day
31:10he threatened me
31:11if i ever spoke a word
31:12my other kidney would meet the same fate
31:14no wonder so many people there moved stiffly
31:16and no one ever said a thing
31:20mary
31:21mary
31:23mary
31:24mary
31:24roderick called me
31:25i stared at him
31:26my gaze empty
31:27then a mouthful of blood surged up
31:29and spilled over
31:29i collapsed
31:33i had no idea how long i was out
31:34when i woke up i was still connected to a ventilator
31:37i shifted my fingers trying to wake roderick
31:39his weight was resting on my hand
31:41and it had gone numb
31:44you're awake
31:45how do you feel
31:47you were in shock did you realize
31:49but i was in shock
31:50how would i know
31:51but was this really roderick
31:53his jaw was shadowed with stubble
31:54his eyes streaked with red
31:55this wasn't the same cool
31:57collected man i remembered
31:58i tried to speak
31:59but had no strength left
32:00i just lay still
32:02let the doctors and roderick
32:03do what they needed to do
32:04i learned i'd been unconscious for four days
32:07roderick had stayed by my side the whole time
32:11that afternoon
32:12a doctor removed the ventilator
32:14i could talk again
32:16what's the prognosis
32:17weeks months
32:18i knew my time was running out
32:20roderick's hand
32:21which had been holding a spoon
32:22to feed me broth
32:23paused
32:24after a long moment
32:26six months
32:27maybe less
32:29a faint smile of relief
32:30touched my lips
32:32good
32:33i could get to see grandpa soon
32:36lung cancer
32:37i phrased it as a question
32:38but i was sure
32:39even after i'd learned to behave
32:41and the beatings mostly stopped
32:43i kept coughing up blood
32:44the depression only made things worse
32:48roderick nodded
32:49can i get back to work
32:51is there any way you could keep your wife from interfering
32:54if they'd just leave me alone
32:55i could work in peace
32:57i still owed clifford one thousand dollars after all
33:02she's not my wife
33:05roderick frowned
33:06putting a clear distance between himself and chelsea
33:09i didn't care what chelsea was
33:11i just needed her to stay away
33:14i started a small street stall on a decent block
33:17selling burritos
33:18i had planned to find a regular job
33:20but roderick forbade it
33:21when he set his mind to something
33:23no one could change it
33:24he offered me two options
33:25start my own small business or stay home
33:28doing something i chose
33:30with the time i had left
33:31was a good idea
33:32i stood nervously behind my cart
33:34worried no customers would come
33:35the location was close to campus
33:37steady foot traffic from students and professionals
33:40it was a fully licensed area for street vendors to operate
33:43best of all it was close to grandpa's house
33:48hey how much for a burrito
33:49i was lost in thought when a guy with a bright
33:51easy smile walked up to my stall
33:53i looked up and met his clear eyes
33:55he had faint dimples
33:57wearing a basketball jersey
33:58a ball in his hand as if he'd just come from a game
34:01i was caught off guard for a second
34:03he spoke again before i came out of my trance
34:05for some reason looking into his eyes didn't make me uneasy at all
34:09usually any eye contact filled me with dread
34:12so many pairs of eyes haunted my nights
34:16would you like to try one
34:18it's free
34:21why free
34:22is it because i'm so good looking
34:23he grinned and rubbed his chin
34:26playfully
34:28his playful tone made my face grow warm
34:31no it's my first day
34:32if it turns out unpasteable
34:35i couldn't possibly take your money
34:38i'd practiced at home over and over
34:41but doing it for real felt completely different
34:46oh so i'm your gimme pig
34:48no i thought i'd scared him off
34:55just kidding go ahead
34:57i'll eat it however it turns out
34:59he laughed warmly
35:00most vendors could make one in three to five minutes
35:03my clumsy attempt took nearly seven
35:05the outside was crispy
35:07though not burnt
35:11maybe i should make you another one
35:12this is perfect
35:14he took the wrapped burrito and bit into it
35:20it's great
35:21seriously this is how it should be
35:23nice and crispy
35:24his compliment made me smile
35:32so how much
35:34you're not going to charge me an arm and a leg are you
35:36he widened his eyes in alarm
35:40no this one's complimentary
35:42a lucky start for my first day
35:45as he turned to leave
35:46he glanced back and waved
35:50i'm leonard williams by the way
35:52i watched him walk away
35:54it struck me then how distant my own college days felt
35:57if i hadn't been so reckless back then
36:01i would have graduated a year ago
36:07as the day went on
36:08more customers came
36:11i was almost too busy to keep up
36:14but i got quicker and more confident with each one
36:17i didn't pack up until i'd run out of ingredients
36:25roderick pulled up beside me in his car
36:30i'll drive you home
36:31it's fine
36:32i have my scooter
36:33i nodded toward my scooter
36:35parked nearby
36:37it's getting chilly tonight
36:38you'll catch a cold
36:41i won't die from it
36:47marion how long are you going to keep fighting me on everything
36:50roderick caught my wrist as i started to walk away
36:55mr dunlap do not forget
36:57i was the one who pushed your girlfriend down the stairs
37:01i'm the one to blame
37:02in that moment
37:04to cut any last tie between us
37:07i claimed the guilt
37:09mary
37:09stop lying
37:12i know the truth now
37:15she fell on her own
37:18suddenly his arms came around me from behind
37:26my body stiffened in his hold
37:28so he knew
37:30hadn't he told me to protect chelsea
37:34so you were protecting her
37:37while i bore all the blame
37:39no
37:41i was afraid once you knew the truth
37:44you'd hate me for not believing you sooner
37:46i was wrong
37:49i'm sorry
37:53his arms tightened around me
37:59i only found out two days ago
38:01i went to tell chelsea to stay away from you
38:03and we argued
38:06she let it slip
38:09i could no longer hold back my tears
38:16they fell onto the back of his hand
38:18at least i would clear my name before i died
38:22he released me
38:23bending down to wipe my tears
38:26don't cry mari
38:30i sobbed uncontrollably in his arms
38:35for a moment
38:36neither of us spoke
38:41three years of silence
38:43three years of pain i'd swallowed without a word
38:46and now
38:48finally
38:49someone believed me
38:58rod
39:01here
39:02i pointed to my chest
39:06it doesn't beat for you anymore
39:11rod if i could i'd wish we had never met
39:15i wiped my tears
39:16and gave a faint smile
39:21this is the last time i'll call you that
39:24from now on
39:25let's each live our own lives
39:30i'd treat this as a goodbye
39:32a proper end to those eight years i spent loving him
39:36i could never forget the three years in that place
39:41and the person who'd sent me there was himself
39:48mari
39:49he reached for me
39:51but i stepped back
39:55mr dunlop
39:56please don't disturb me again
40:01i want my remaining time to be peaceful
40:04with that
40:05i left
40:11i drove my scooter home
40:14roderick's car followed at a distance in the rearview mirror
40:20i ignored him
40:31i went to my stall as usual every day
40:35roderick watched from a distance
40:38i just ignored him
40:44hey i'm back
40:45brought my classmates to try your burritos
40:47it was leonard
40:48my first customer
40:51what kind would you like
40:52a real sense of ease washed over me
40:54something i hadn't felt in a long time
40:56whatever you recommend
41:02maybe one of each
41:03i'll take some back for my roommates too
41:07so how much
41:08you didn't let me pay last time
41:10you've got to charge me today
41:11or i won't come back
41:12i hadn't said i wouldn't charge him
41:13i still needed to pay back my debt
41:15six dollars each
41:16cash only though
41:18if you don't have any
41:19you can get change at the store down the block
41:21i pointed to the sign on my cart
41:23and then toward the store down the block
41:27wait right here i'll be back
41:30i watched leonard walk away and sighed
41:33the young seemed so full of life
41:36it was easy to forget i was only a year older than him
41:40yet my life felt worlds apart
41:46hey isn't he good looking
41:47and he's single
41:49maybe give him a shot
41:50his classmates clearly thought my glance at leonard meant more than it did
41:53i shook my head and stayed silent
41:57i was making around three to four hundred dollars a day
42:01soon
42:01i had enough to repay my debt
42:06clifford seemed to have been waiting for me
42:09he looked different guilty
42:10almost
42:13i heard what really happened
42:15chelsea admitted the truth to roderick
42:19i'm sorry for what i did to you
42:21i didn't reply
42:24i placed the money on the counter and left
42:28finally i was free of that burden
42:35why did leonard keep coming to my stall
42:39did he really love burritos that much
42:42do you really like burritos that much
42:45i finally asked no why
42:48taking another bite
42:51why do you come every day were you short on money for meals
42:55but he didn't look like he was struggling
42:59because you're here
43:04between bites
43:04i didn't know what you're going to do
43:11i didn't know what you're going to do
43:11be my girlfriend
43:16i froze for a second
43:17i took his hand and placed it on my waist
43:22i'm missing a kidney here
43:24then i pointed to my chest
43:27i have lung cancer
43:28i have lung cancer here
43:55he shrugged
43:56and did
43:57six months later
43:58i held the medical report the doctor had just given me
44:01he said the cancer cells were gradually receding
44:04leonard had made sure i ate three meals a day
44:07he walked me to every checkup
44:09for the first time in years i wanted to live and it showed
44:12with a positive mindset
44:14consistent medication
44:16and no late night depressive episodes
44:19full recovery was possible
44:20there were cases of people beating cancer
44:23it just wasn't easy
44:24but i had managed it
44:32hey where are you
44:34you're not at your stall today
44:35my phone buzzed with a message from leonard
44:37at the hospital
44:38he'd bought me this phone himself
44:40he'd claimed it was a buy one get one deal
44:44who believed that
44:45i certainly didn't
44:48half an hour later
44:49leonard came jogging toward me in his basketball jersey
44:55what did the doctor say
44:56i put on a somber face
44:58pretending to be downcast
45:00i saw his expression dim
45:02but he kept his voice steady
45:04it's okay
45:06i'll be with you every step of the way
45:07i cut him off
45:11just kidding
45:11the doctor says i'm doing really well
45:14you've gotten mean
45:16i couldn't bear to tease him for long
45:18he pretended to be upset
45:20but then he picked me up and spun me around twice
45:23so
45:24does this mean you'll say yes
45:26he looked at me eagerly
45:29say yes to what
45:30i blinked at him playfully
45:34be my girlfriend
45:36but i'm not completely healed yet
45:38what if it comes back
45:40i don't care
45:43my job is to love you and make you happy
45:46if you're happy
45:47you'll get better
45:50he hugged me tightly
45:51nuzzling against me
45:54i wrapped my arms around him in return
45:58all right
45:59i suppose i'll say yes
46:00i sounded as if i was doing him a favor
46:03the truth was
46:05he had been the one settling for me all along
46:10as leonard and i walked away hand in hand
46:13i saw roderick
46:15he stood watching us
46:17his eyes red
46:19i hadn't seen him in two or three months
46:21the last time i saw him was when maggie passed away
46:25he'd picked me up to attend the service
46:27and that was it
46:29i'd also repaid him for all the medical bills
46:32even the money for the food cart
46:35i knew he'd been watching me from a distance
46:39he'd tried to approach me a few times
46:41but i'd threatened to harm myself each time
46:43and he'd finally stayed away
46:47mari who is this
46:48his eyes were still red
46:50he already knew the answer
46:53my girlfriend
46:55leonard answered first
46:57raising our joined hands
47:01is he good to you
47:05yes
47:06i know what it looks like when you love someone at mari
47:10and i can see it's not me anymore
47:14it took me a while to face it
47:18be happy
47:20i wish you the same
47:23he turned and walked away
47:26i didn't look back
47:29some people are meant to be part of your story but not your ending
47:36i heard later that roderick left to teach in a remote mountain
47:40as for me i was curled on the sofa
47:43looking at the man in front of me
47:44you said before that you knew about my health
47:47how
47:49i sprained my ankle during a game and ended up in the hospital
47:54i was in the room next to yours
47:57i overheard something while walking by
47:59got curious
48:00and looked through the glass
48:03one look and i just knew
48:06he made it sound so casual
48:11that's it
48:15i didn't buy it
48:18your classmates mentioned something
48:21my photo is your computer wallpaper
48:24the one from when i was a sophomore
48:27i meant the guys who had stopped by my stall for burritos
48:30sure enough the man looked briefly embarrassed
48:33he was probably cursing them in his head
48:37okay fine
48:41i was an exchange student at your university in my freshman year
48:45doing a photography project
48:47you were there that day
48:49so full of life
48:52i couldn't help but
48:53take a picture
48:56later
48:56later
48:56i heard you were with roderick
48:59so i kept my distance
49:00i don't do home wrecking
49:03he lifted his chin slightly
49:06it wasn't until i saw you in the hospital
49:09that i realized how stupid i'd been all along
49:15if i had stepped in back then
49:18maybe none of this would have happened to you
49:21after that
49:23i kept an eye on you
49:27waiting until the day
49:29i ran into you
49:30at your stall
49:33he looked genuinely regortful
49:36i reached out and hugged him
49:39don't blame yourself
49:41some things were meant to happen
49:43it wasn't your fault
49:45i'd almost missed the chance to be with someone so wonderful
49:48but in the end
49:49nothing was too late
49:52other people go to rehab for drugs alcohol or gambling
49:57i went to quit loving a man
50:01in the end
50:02i didn't just quit him
50:04i learned to love myself again
50:06you
50:07you
50:07you
50:08you
50:08you
50:08you
50:08you
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