He Chose His Sister-in-law, Now He Begs for My love

BiteSized Drama

Transcript

00:00:00In 1861, all of Charleston, from the Battery Wharfs to the Ashley Plantations,

00:00:05knew the legend of my husband, Major Reed Ashford, the second son of the South's largest planter.

00:00:10They said, he was a man undone by his wife.

00:00:13For me, he would forfeit the world.

00:00:14When a planter's son humiliated me at a ball,

00:00:17Ryad disarmed him in a dawn duel,

00:00:20standing unflinningly before loaded barrels to defend my honor.

00:00:25When outlaws ambushed my carriage,

00:00:28Ryad braved deadly swamps alone,

00:00:30returning blood-splared at dawn to banish my fear of the dark.

00:00:38Forced into marriage to clear debts,

00:00:41Ryad bought my freedom with half his lands,

00:00:43then rode through a raging storm to snatch me from the altar.

00:00:49I believed I'd be happy forever,

00:00:51until his brother's bewidowed wife wanted to have a baby with him.

00:00:56Three years into our marriage,

00:00:58Rethi's elder brother, Theodore Ashford, lay wasting away.

00:01:02And an old Gungle root woman from the Sea Islands told the true mister of the house, Madam Ashford,

00:01:06that only a child born of the family's bloodline through the brother's wife

00:01:10could call him back from the grave.

00:01:12But the brother's wife?

00:01:14Camellia could not bear that child by a dying man.

00:01:17She would have to bear it by right.

00:01:19The matriarch's grip tightened on her othony cane.

00:01:23Send for my second son.

00:01:25A maid ran.

00:01:26The parlor doors closed, ozed upon a council of women.

00:01:30In the upstairs sitting room,

00:01:31I laid down my embroidery hoop.

00:01:33The needle had pricked my thumb,

00:01:35and a single bead of blood was rising on the skin.

00:01:38I watched it gather, fall,

00:01:40and stain the white linen of Ry's monogrammed handkerchief,

00:01:44the one I had been mending for him all winter.

00:01:46The maid came rushing upstairs, breathless,

00:01:49one hand clutching the bairnister,

00:01:50as if she might collapse where she stood.

00:01:53Mrs. Eleanor, Madam Ashford has made her decision.

00:01:56She means for Mrs. Camille to bear the family heir by Mr. Raid.

00:02:00The room fell into a dead, suffocating silence.

00:02:03On my lap, the fresh bead of blood finally sank deep into the fabric,

00:02:07completely drowning Ry's monogrammed initials in crimson.

00:02:11Camille? My sister-in-law?

00:02:14How could they be sending her to my husband's bed?

00:02:19Reed went from the parlor to the family chapel without removing his greatcoat.

00:02:23He laid his revolver at his own breastbone.

00:02:26As God is my witness, I would sooner die than betray Eleanor.

00:02:29The chaplain wept.

00:02:31The servants wept.

00:02:33Madam Ashford did not weep.

00:02:34She had me brought down to the courtyard in nothing but my mourning dress,

00:02:37barefoot, and made to stand upon the ice-stiffened gravel.

00:02:39Until my son can dishonor his brother's line, he will not move from this place.

00:02:44The first hour, my mind was clear.

00:02:46By the second, the cold had moved into my bones.

00:02:49By the fourth, the frost had split the soles of my feet,

00:02:52and thin red ravens crept across the gravel beneath me.

00:02:54I stood three days, no bread, no water.

00:02:57The January rain came down once and then turned to sleep and froze upon my shoulders.

00:03:01Madam Ashford set a chair beneath the Pianso Colonnade and sat, and watched, and waited.

00:03:04A hundred yards away, in the family chapel,

00:03:07Reet had been locked in without food or water or a fire,

00:03:11forbidden to leave until he consented.

00:03:13His mother visited him each morning with the codicil papers in her hand.

00:03:17He bore the cold and the hunger in silence.

00:03:32He came across the flagstones with a slow, deliberate step,

00:03:35of a man not certain his legs would carry him to where he needed to go.

00:03:37The servants drew back from him as from something holy or contagionous.

00:03:40He stopped before me and knelt on the gravel at my feet.

00:03:43In his right hand was the service revolver.

00:03:45He held it out to me, but first.

00:03:47I have submitted to Mother's arrangement.

00:03:49If you despise me for it, end my life now.

00:03:51Shoot me dead.

00:03:52My lips were too cracked to part.

00:03:54I love you to madness, Eleanor.

00:03:56I cannot bear to see you broken and punished again because of me.

00:03:59The cold iron of the pistol bit into my palm, and the tears finally broke.

00:04:03But I would endure a thousand more lashes, Raid,

00:04:05before I ever watch you beget a child upon our sister-in-law.

00:04:07He squeezed my hand.

00:04:09The hammer fell.

00:04:10Blood flowered through the linen of his shirt.

00:04:12I screamed without sound.

00:04:13He staggered, white as bone, and let me gather him into my arms.

00:04:17I wept.

00:04:18I did not know how long.

00:04:20I kissed his face.

00:04:21Master Reed!

00:04:22Fetch cloth and paragol!

00:04:23I begged the maids for clean cloth, for paragliment, for a surgeon.

00:04:27I swear this on the wound itself.

00:04:29I will lie with her once, for the child, and never look at her again.

00:04:32She is a stage actress from the New Orleans halls.

00:04:35A creature dredged up from the gas-lit gutters,

00:04:37whose virtue he was sold to the highest bidder long before she ever set foot in this house.

00:04:40She is nothing to me.

00:04:42He kissed my forehead and walked, with the wound still wet,

00:04:46across the courtyard to Camille Ashford's wing.

00:04:49The household by sundown had a new story to whisper.

00:04:52Compared to Eleanor, Reed seemed to favor Camille more.

00:04:55You smell of her tears, right?

00:04:57But tonight you are mine.

00:04:58Then let me forget her.

00:04:59Touch me.

00:05:00Make me believe you are the only one.

00:05:03The maid who carried up the linen said the bedchamber smelled like a hot room.

00:05:06I lay alone in our bed with the deed of separation.

00:05:08I had so readily demanded some hours before.

00:05:11I wept until the ink ran.

00:05:13Sometime past midnight I rose, lit a candle in the sylvine chamber stack my mother had given me on my

00:05:18wedding day.

00:05:18The papers, still wet, I carried pressed against my breast.

00:05:21I stopped at the carved oak door of Camille's sitting room.

00:05:24The corridor behind me was empty of servants.

00:05:27Even the night maid had been dismissed.

00:05:29I raised my hand to knock and heard, through the door, Camille's laugh.

00:05:33What she said next dragged me straight into hell.

00:05:38You are such a bad boy.

00:05:40Staging a whole shooting with a sack of bullock's blood in front of your own wife, making her weep over

00:05:44your corpse, and then you came straight here to me.

00:05:47She is sentimental.

00:05:49She believes what lives, whatever she has shown.

00:05:51All the obstacles have been cleared away.

00:05:53All theater.

00:05:54Mother and I arranged it months ago.

00:05:56The gongo woman was paid in gold the night before.

00:05:59The prophecy was written for her to recite.

00:06:01The cold, the chapel, the wound, every thread of it sown for you.

00:06:05A whole year of slipping into your rooms by the backstair.

00:06:09And now I am to be the lady of a wing.

00:06:11I would marry you twice over for it.

00:06:14Take what you want and ask for nothing more.

00:06:16Most of all, Eleanor is never to know.

00:06:18If she so much as suspects the truth, I will shoot you dead where you stand.

00:06:22The candle in my hand trembled.

00:06:24The light walked along the carved oak panels and the gild of the picture frames and would not be still.

00:06:29Right, who for my sake has been sleeping with Camille for a whole year?

00:06:33Was every single bit of it just a lie?

00:06:35I took three steps backward, away from the door.

00:06:38On the fourth step, the floor was no longer there.

00:06:40I fell on the fourth step, hit the polished heart pine boards on my ruined feet and crumpled.

00:06:44The candlestick rolled away from me.

00:06:46The flame good old, caught upon my sleeve, smothered against the wool of my dress as I crumpled.

00:06:50I drifted for three days between sleeping and waking, unable to close the distance.

00:06:54In that place, Camille knelt beside the bed and held Madam Ashford's hand.

00:06:57I heard them as a swimmer hears voices above the water.

00:06:59She is with child, Mother Ashford.

00:07:01The root woman was certain.

00:07:04Only the child I bear can save Theodore.

00:07:06If Eleanor's child is born first, the cure is broken.

00:07:09My poor Theodore will die.

00:07:12Madam Ashford's cane struck the floor.

00:07:14Send her to a physician.

00:07:17I will not allow the child in her womb to affect my Theodore's destiny.

00:07:22Mother, stop!

00:07:24Those doctors are men. I will not have a man's hands upon her body.

00:07:28Not for any reason.

00:07:29A simple draught is enough to rid her of the child.

00:07:31I will give it to her myself.

00:07:38He came to the bedside.

00:07:40I felt his weight upon the mattress, the familiar dip of it.

00:07:43He lifted my head with a tenderness I remembered from a thousand mornings

00:07:46and held a small porcelain cup to my lips.

00:07:49I fought with everything in me to open my eyes,

00:07:51to scream, to beg him to spare my child,

00:07:53only to find, with a curching despair,

00:07:55that it was all in vain.

00:07:58The taste was bitter.

00:08:00Cloves.

00:08:01Penny Harry.

00:08:02The faint, hateful sweetness of Paragassic to mask the rest.

00:08:05My body knew the compound before my mind could name it.

00:08:08My fingers tried to close around his wrist.

00:08:10They were too weak.

00:08:12I felt the warmth of the drug spread out from my stomach

00:08:14into the cold parts of me.

00:08:15I felt the small, intricate thing inside me go quiet,

00:08:18then go still, then go away.

00:08:19Sleep now, Eleanor.

00:08:20Pretend this child never came.

00:08:23He laid my head back upon the pillow.

00:08:25He smoothed my hair.

00:08:26When I woke fully three mornings later,

00:08:28the chamber was empty.

00:08:29Brooke sat weeping at the foot of the bed.

00:08:31Great, the maid said.

00:08:32Had taken Madame Bowman down to New Orleans on the noon train

00:08:34to celebrate the coming air

00:08:35and to consult a city physician about Camille's own condition.

00:08:38I looked at the wash base.

00:08:39I washed my face in the cold basin.

00:08:42I dressed in black.

00:08:43I tied my hair back with a strip of morning croup.

00:08:46Then I walked the length of the corridor

00:08:48to Madame Ashford's morning room

00:08:49and asked with great courtesy for the deed of separation.

00:08:53I am more than willing to step aside.

00:08:56For Camille and Wreath.

00:08:57I beg you, Madam,

00:08:59help me and make him sign the deed of separation.

00:09:02There is a steamer bound for Europe next month.

00:09:05You will take it

00:09:06and you will never set foot before my son again

00:09:08as long as you breathe

00:09:09to ensure there are no complications.

00:09:12Brack is to know absolutely nothing of this before you sail.

00:09:16You have my deepest gratitude, Madam,

00:09:18for finally granting my request.

00:09:23Read and Camille returned at dusk a fortnight later.

00:09:25The carriage rolled through the great gates of Ashford Manor

00:09:28in the failing light

00:09:28and the household lined up along the Live Oak Drive

00:09:30as for any homecoming.

00:09:32Camille descended first,

00:09:33gloved and radiant.

00:09:35Read followed.

00:09:35At her throat beneath the high lace collar

00:09:37was a livid mark she had not been able to powder away.

00:09:40The fortnight in New Orleans had left its mark on them both.

00:09:43Late suppers.

00:09:45Late mornings.

00:09:45The langui of those city rooms still clinging to their clothes.

00:09:50I stood waiting beneath the colonid piazza in my morning gown,

00:09:54Spanish moss stirring in the live oaks above me.

00:09:57The servants watched without seeming to.

00:09:59Read crossed the gravel and would have taken my hands.

00:10:02I did not give them.

00:10:03He pretended not to notice and produced instead,

00:10:06from the inner pocket of his great coat,

00:10:08a small dark glass bottle.

00:10:09A European tonic.

00:10:11Every fashionable lady in New Orleans is taking it.

00:10:13It restores the constitution after illness.

00:10:15Drink it for me.

00:10:17I accepted the bottle.

00:10:18The glass was warm from his body.

00:10:22I uncarked it.

00:10:24The smell rose.

00:10:25Wine and something darker beneath the wine.

00:10:27My Paris training spoke before my tongue could.

00:10:30Herba.

00:10:30Sustained doses of Herba of Rye.

00:10:32Masked in Chlora and Honeysuckle.

00:10:34A woman fed this compound through a winter

00:10:36would bleed quietly for the rest of her life.

00:10:38Not killed.

00:10:39Made permanently, invisibly ill.

00:10:42Made unfit to be touched by any man.

00:10:44Made nothing.

00:10:45Camille came up the steps in a hand at Reed's elbow.

00:10:47All the finest ladies in New Orleans are taking it, dear.

00:10:50Finish every drop.

00:10:52Do not be ungrateful.

00:10:53Not killed.

00:10:54Made permanently, invisibly ill.

00:10:56Right.

00:10:56This medicine.

00:10:57Must I drink it?

00:10:58He had already slaughtered my child with his own hands,

00:11:01severing every shred of love I once held for him.

00:11:04Was he truly intent on driving me into an early grave now?

00:11:07I looked at my husband.

00:11:08He met my gaze without lowering his own.

00:11:11There was a flicker behind his eyes.

00:11:14A thing he did not allow to surface.

00:11:16I raised the bottle.

00:11:17I drank it.

00:11:19I drank every drop.

00:11:20Slowly.

00:11:21While they watched me.

00:11:22While the cold January wind moved the dead Magnalia leaves across the Piansa boards.

00:11:26I lowered the empty bottle and set it on the Piazza rail between us.

00:11:30I know what this is.

00:11:32And I know what it does.

00:11:34We are done.

00:11:35Ride.

00:11:36Ride.

00:11:39Before I blacked out, I vaguely saw Reet panic.

00:11:43What do you mean, Don?

00:11:46Before the darkness swallowed me whole, I learned the horrific truth from their whispers.

00:11:53They had traveled to New Orleans to consult a voodoo queen.

00:11:56The witch told them that if they used my bed, this our marriage bed, for seven secutive nights,

00:12:02the soul of my slaughtered child would be summoned back, reborn into Camuil's womb.

00:12:07They took my room.

00:12:09They desecrated my bed.

00:12:12You are a cruel man, right?

00:12:14That tincture, taken for weeks, will ensure she bleeds dry from the inside out.

00:12:19Her body will wither, and no man will ever be able to lay a finger on her again.

00:12:24Poor, wretched Eleanor.

00:12:27Eleanor belongs to me.

00:12:29Even if I never touch her again, I would rather see her rot than let another man possess her.

00:12:35In my half-conscious state, hatred burned so hot that blood seeped from the cracked corner of my mouth.

00:12:45The next morning, not long after Reet and Camille departed, I woke.

00:12:50From my bed, I heard the maids quarreling in the courtyard below my window.

00:12:53She gave up her husband easy enough?

00:12:55Now she wants the South Wing on top of that?

00:12:57Some women cannot bear to be parted from a comfort.

00:12:59You watch your filthy tongue.

00:13:01My mistress has bled in this house every day since she crossed its threshold.

00:13:05She has paid for every stone of this place.

00:13:08The voices rose.

00:13:10There was a slap, a scream.

00:13:12Brooke, when she came up the stairs ten minutes later, had a red wheel across her cheek and a furious

00:13:16set to her mouth.

00:13:17She knelt at the foot of my bed.

00:13:19Miss Eleanor, I am going to the Elder Master.

00:13:21Mr. Theodore was always kind to you.

00:13:23He will hear me.

00:13:24Brooke, no. You are a free woman, but free papers do not stop a hand that means to fall.

00:13:28Brooke had her freedom papers. My mother had filed them with the city register the year Brooke turned twelve.

00:13:33It would not matter in this house.

00:13:34But Brooke was already gone.

00:13:36What happened by the lily pond I learned in pieces from the running of feet and the shrieking of women.

00:13:40Theodore was killed in the lake.

00:13:44Brooke had found Theodore in his bath chair on the South Spiena,

00:13:47taking the weak winter sun between the palmetto and the camellia head.

00:13:50She had knelt and began to speak.

00:13:53Camille had come down the terrace steps.

00:13:56Words had passed.

00:13:58Brooke had risen.

00:13:59Camille had pushed.

00:14:01Brooke had caught at Theodore's chair to keep her balance,

00:14:03and the chair had tilted, and the dying man had gone into the cold green water.

00:14:08They pulled him out.

00:14:10He was breathing, barely.

00:14:13He had not spoken.

00:14:15The estate manager came to my door with two armed grooms' behind him.

00:14:19Madam, your maid is in irons.

00:14:20You are summoned to the Great Hall.

00:14:23I rose.

00:14:25I bound up my hair.

00:14:30I walked the long corridor without permitting myself to limp.

00:14:35I entered the Great Hall.

00:14:37The doorway was thick with physicians.

00:14:41Madam Ashford sat in the high chair before the hearth,

00:14:43her cane across her knees.

00:14:45Camille stood weeping against Rybe's shoulder,

00:14:47and his arm was around her waist as a husband's arm is around a wife.

00:14:50He stood with his arm around Camille and did not move.

00:14:53Madam Ashford lifted her cane and pointed.

00:14:57Seize the harlot from Charleston.

00:15:00She has tried to murder my eldest son.

00:15:04Two enormous housewomen seized my arms and forced me down.

00:15:08My ruined feet struck the marble.

00:15:10The skin Madam Ashford herself had split open three weeks before

00:15:13opened again through the wool of my stockings,

00:15:15and warm red blood ran across the white stone in two long ribbons.

00:15:21Reed moved at last.

00:15:23He crossed the hall in three strides and kicked the women aside.

00:15:27Get the hell away from her!

00:15:29No one!

00:15:30There's no, not a single soul!

00:15:32Lays a fender on her!

00:15:34He bent and lifted me in his arms.

00:15:36For one suspended moment,

00:15:38my cheek was against the rough wool of his coat,

00:15:40and I could feel his heart fammering.

00:15:42Then Camille made a small herded sound behind him.

00:15:45Wright set me down upon a bench.

00:15:46He turned.

00:15:47He went to Camille and gathered her against him.

00:15:49Eleanor, you must apologize to my sister-in-law.

00:15:52The matter of the maid will be investigated afterwards.

00:15:54First, the apology.

00:15:55I pressed my bleeding wom flat upon the bench to steady myself.

00:15:58Brooke is a child.

00:16:00She has not the wickedness in her to push a dying man into water.

00:16:03Investigate first.

00:16:05Then I will speak whatever words are owed.

00:16:07Reed's jaw tightened.

00:16:08The apology first.

00:16:09No.

00:16:10A long silence.

00:16:12Madam Ashford's cane tapped the marble once.

00:16:14Then you will be confined to the penitence chamber until you find your tongue.

00:16:17The penitence chamber was where the household sent disobedient servants to be broken.

00:16:21It had a stone floor, no fire, one window so high a tall man could not reach it.

00:16:24I bent and unfastened my shoes.

00:16:26I stepped out of them.

00:16:26I pushed to my feet and walked across the great hall of Ashford Manor in my bare bleeding feet,

00:16:30past my husband, past the women, past the doctors, out the side door and across the

00:16:34snowy yard toward the brick outbuildings beyond the kitchen house.

00:16:37I left a line of small red prints behind me in the white.

00:16:40I walked the whole way to the penitence chamber on my own.

00:16:43The smell of pine smoke from the kitchen house followed me across the yard, and somewhere

00:16:47in a wall a mouse scratched, and I let those small things mark the distance.

00:16:50The bolt slid shut behind me.

00:16:52An hour later it slid open again.

00:16:54Camille stood in the doorway, in fresh silk and silver fox, with my river pearl strand

00:16:57around her throat.

00:16:58You are finally at my mercy, Eleanor.

00:17:00Just watch how I break you.

00:17:05And from the New Orleans papers who would not stop printing.

00:17:13I set it down here as it was told to me, for it was set in motion by my own

00:17:18hand.

00:17:18Every magnolia along the drive was wound with white silk.

00:17:22A small chamber orchestra hired up from Vanapunen the Priod began the noon, at noon.

00:17:29Half the planter families between Savannah and Wellington had come, to see the rare thing,

00:17:36a second son taking up his dying brother's wife to continue a sacred southern line.

00:17:44Camille descended the great staircase, in the white lace I had stitched, and the ball

00:17:51whom drew in its breath as one body.

00:17:53A tenor Camille had retained from New Orleans began the song.

00:17:56Eleanor she had commissioned.

00:17:58A verse, Eleanor for her hardships.

00:18:00A verse, for Reet's devotion.

00:18:01A verse, for the blessed child that would save Theodore Ashward from the grave.

00:18:05The Charleston ladies dabbed their eyes.

00:18:08Camille slipped her arm through Reet's, and tugged him toward the corridor.

00:18:16My stays are too tight.

00:18:19Help me, just for a moment.

00:18:22In her wing she pressed him against the silk wall, and reached for his belt.

00:18:27Reet's gaze fell upon the gown, white, against her shoulders.

00:18:32White, the cut of the collar.

00:18:35White, the long trail across the park.

00:18:37A wedding dress.

00:18:38Almost his wedding dress.

00:18:40Almost the dress I had worn three Aprils ago, when he had stood before God and the General,

00:18:45and swore that rune no other woman would ever pass through the gate of his life.

00:18:50Something cold turned in his stomach.

00:18:53A footman pounded on the door.

00:18:54Master Reet!

00:18:55Madam Eleanor has gone from the cottage!

00:18:57The watchgutty was sent away by her own order!

00:18:59And there is a box, sir!

00:19:01A locked box from Madam Eleanor!

00:19:03The guests have broken it open!

00:19:04Camille's hand froze upon his belt.

00:19:06Reet took the corridor at a run.

00:19:08The ballroom had gone quiet in a way ballrooms never go quiet.

00:19:10A circle had formed around the long supper table.

00:19:13The lid of the dispatch box lay flung back.

00:19:14Across the white damage, fanned out like a winning hand of cards, lay a packet of letters

00:19:18in a woman's careless hand, a stack of jeweler's receipts paid by men who were not reet, and

00:19:22a sheath of pages torn from hotel registers, names signed in unsteady ink that were not

00:19:27her own.

00:19:28Reginald Thornton, whose father sat now on the Confederate War Department, picked up

00:19:31one of the letters between two gloved fingers and read it aloud toward the lamps.

00:19:35My dearest Camille.

00:19:38The letter the Lutzen read was addressed to Camille Beaumont, care of the St. Charles

00:19:42Hotel, New Orleans, signed by a man with a famous name in the Mississippi cotton trade.

00:19:48It described in unfortunate detail.

00:19:51Eleanor what he intended to do to her the following Tuesday, and what he hoped she would

00:19:55do to him in return.

00:19:57Wright took the letter without speaking.

00:19:59He turned to the next, and the next, and the next.

00:20:04There were perhaps forty of them, different men, different rooms, the most recent dated

00:20:09to the previous month.

00:20:10There were hotel registers, mobile, Memphis, New Orleans, signed in names that were not

00:20:15hers.

00:20:16There were receipts from jewelers for pieces that had never shown him.

00:20:20Wright drew his sidearm walking back through the corridor.

00:20:24He kicked open the door of her wing.

00:20:28He pressed the muzzle of the revolver to her forehead.

00:20:31You swore to me I was the first.

00:20:34You won a prison here.

00:20:36They forced me.

00:20:37They forced me right...

00:20:39They forced you to sign your hotel register?

00:20:42They forced you to take the bracelets?

00:20:45I was a stage actress.

00:20:48You knew what I was.

00:20:49You knew you took me anyway!

00:20:53He fired past her ear.

00:20:55The bullet tore through the lope and buried in the bedpost.

00:21:00Her gay Camille screamed and clapped her hand to the side of her head.

00:21:04Blood ran between her fingers and down the white lace bodice.

00:21:07When I have found my wife I will come back here and settle what is owed.

00:21:11Your Eleanor does not want you!

00:21:13She said you were soiled!

00:21:15She said you made her sick!

00:21:16She said it to me herself!

00:21:18Ray fired into the wall behind her and walked out.

00:21:21Madam Ashford stood at the head of the stairs with a folded paper.

00:21:26She is gone.

00:21:27She sailed on the morning package out of Charleston Harbor, bound for Havana.

00:21:32She begged me, on her ruined knees, to obtain your signature on this.

00:21:38Three weeks ago you signed it right.

00:21:41You signed without reading.

00:21:43I knew you would.

00:21:45The deed of separation.

00:21:47His own hand at the bottom of it.

00:21:51The notary's red wax.

00:21:54The witness's marks.

00:21:56He did not strike his mother.

00:21:58He did not speak.

00:22:00He walked down the great staircase, past the silent guests.

00:22:03He walked through the foyer, where the chandelier still blazed.

00:22:06He walked between the lines of stunned house servants.

00:22:09And out into the gravel drive, where the carriages waited.

00:22:12He did not stop at his horse.

00:22:14He did not stop at the gate.

00:22:17He walked out of Ashford Manor, and the gate stayed open behind him.

00:22:24Three days.

00:22:26Each afternoon I stood for an hour, at the upper window, just inside the heavy drape.

00:22:33Watching the roof lines opposite.

00:22:36I marked the alley between two chimneys.

00:22:40I marked the wash on a balcony four houses down, where a Creole woman beat her sheets at half past

00:22:45three each day.

00:22:47I marked the shadow of a tall iron lamp standard, whose curve I could use to navigate by, once I

00:22:53was below.

00:22:55I memorized the back stair from the kitchen to the slop yard.

00:23:00I counted the men.

00:23:07I timed the changing of the watch.

00:23:10Reed kept his word with effort.

00:23:11He did not touch me.

00:23:13He did not lift his voice.

00:23:14He bowed to me in passing.

00:23:16He sent up small offerings, a posy of hot tart violets, a string of New Orleans candies in wax paper,

00:23:22a French novel he had not himself read.

00:23:24I accepted them with the courtesy of a woman receiving condolence cards from a distant relation.

00:23:30He watched me with the desperation of a man who has begun to suspect his own house is on fire.

00:23:36Eleanor!

00:23:39On the third afternoon, he came up the back stair on stockinged feet.

00:23:43What are you looking at, Eleanor?

00:23:45I did not turn from the drape.

00:23:47Children.

00:23:48A boy and a girl.

00:23:49On the corner.

00:23:50They have set off three paper firecrackers since noon.

00:23:52I find I like the sound.

00:23:53It is almost spring.

00:23:54A pause.

00:23:55Or perhaps you mistake gunfire for firecrackers.

00:23:58The war is closer than the ladies' papers say.

00:24:00Tell me, Eleanor.

00:24:01Did you mean firecrackers or did you mean a signal?

00:24:03I turned at last.

00:24:05A signal to whom, Rary?

00:24:08To Owen Hartfield.

00:24:10The name in his mouth.

00:24:11Spoken plain.

00:24:12He had known it for days then.

00:24:15His informants reached further than I had supposed.

00:24:19He crossed the room in two strides and took me by the throat and bore me back against the cold

00:24:24plain.

00:24:25Tell me you were not alone with him on that packet.

00:24:28Tell me he did not touch you.

00:24:31The pressure of his thumbs was steady, almost considered.

00:24:34My vision went red at the edges.

00:24:37I had no breath to deny anything with.

00:24:41I stopped fighting.

00:24:43I closed my eyes.

00:24:45If you hate me this much, kill me.

00:24:48I would rather die in this room than be carried back to Ashford Manor alive.

00:25:03I slid down the wall to my knees.

00:25:07Eleanor.

00:25:08God forgive me.

00:25:10I lifted my face to his.

00:25:12Take me back to Charleston, Rary.

00:25:14I am too weary to fight you anymore.

00:25:18Take me home.

00:25:20He went very still.

00:25:22Then he lit up the way a boy lights up.

00:25:25You mean that?

00:25:27Eleanor, you mean it?

00:25:29I let my hand find his sleeve, briefly, as one bestows a final beniction.

00:25:34I am tired of being afraid of you.

00:25:37I am tired of being awake in this house.

00:25:40Take me back.

00:25:42Let me sit in the orinarium again.

00:25:45Let me see the magnolians bloom.

00:25:47He kissed the marks his own thumbs had made upon my throat.

00:25:49He kissed my hands.

00:25:51He apologized for things he did not yet have the vocabulary to apologize for.

00:25:55And I let him, because his speech was buying me hours.

00:25:59We can leave by morning.

00:26:00I will send the trunks ahead by rail.

00:26:04I will ride before the carriage myself.

00:26:07No one will come within a hundred yards of you the whole road home.

00:26:10Right.

00:26:14Yes.

00:26:16There is one matter.

00:26:19Owen Hartfield is in this city.

00:26:23He sent a card to the front door yesterday.

00:26:26The footman returned it.

00:26:29He will try again.

00:26:33If we leave tomorrow with him still in New Orleans,

00:26:38I will spend the rest of my marriage

00:26:41waiting for the day you ride out to settle it.

00:26:45I cannot live that way.

00:26:50His jaw set.

00:26:52The color came back into his face all at once.

00:26:55Where is he?

00:26:59My maid heard from the laundress

00:27:03that he keeps rooms above a drugger's shop on Chartay Street.

00:27:08I do not know the number.

00:27:16The drug fist.

00:27:23The drug fist isn't Mr. Devereux.

00:27:25I had invented the name.

00:27:27I had invented the street.

00:27:28I knew only that he would believe me

00:27:29because I had spoken the lie

00:27:30with the small reluctant catch

00:27:32of a woman betraying a man

00:27:33for the sake of a husband

00:27:34she had at last decided to keep.

00:27:36Rhi drew up to his full height.

00:27:37The boy was gone from his face.

00:27:39The officer had returned.

00:27:41Stay in this room.

00:27:42Bolt the door behind me.

00:27:43I will be back before dark.

00:27:45He kissed the inside of my wrist,

00:27:48chastedly as a knight might,

00:27:49and went down the stair

00:27:50calling for his horse and his men.

00:27:53The townhouse emptied like a glass tipped over.

00:27:55I stood at the window

00:27:56until the last hoofbeat

00:27:57had turned the corner of Royal Street.

00:27:59Then I pulled on my traveling coat,

00:28:01picked up the small bundle

00:28:02I had been for three days

00:28:03and went down the back stair to the slop yard.

00:28:04The kitchen boy looked up.

00:28:06I pressed a silver dollar into his hand

00:28:08and stepped past him into the alley.

00:28:09The fog had not lifted all day.

00:28:11I kept to the lee of the buildings.

00:28:14I counted intersections

00:28:15by the tall iron lamp standards.

00:28:17I doubled twice and doubled again.

00:28:19A street that smelled of fish

00:28:21gave on to a street that smelled of horses

00:28:22gave on to a street that smelled of nothing

00:28:24but fog and old brick.

00:28:26Once I heard a clatter of hoofs

00:28:27at the head of a lane

00:28:28and pressed myself into a doorway

00:28:30with my hands flat against the brick.

00:28:32The riders went past at a gallop.

00:28:35Not Ray.

00:28:36Not yet.

00:28:41I knew I should be praying.

00:28:44I found I was counting instead.

00:28:48Counting the paces,

00:28:49counting the corners.

00:28:51Counting the seconds between my own breaths

00:28:53to keep them steady.

00:28:56The French Quarter folded around me

00:28:58like a maze drawn by a child.

00:29:02Galleries leaned out overhead.

00:29:05Worned iron cast complicated shadows.

00:29:08A drunk corail sang somewhere a half block away.

00:29:11A song trailing off into laughter

00:29:13and beginning again.

00:29:14I turned a corner and did not know the corner.

00:29:17I turned another and did not know that one either.

00:29:20The lamp standard I had been navigating by was gone.

00:29:24The wash on the balcony was gone.

00:29:26I could no longer hear hooves in any direction.

00:29:30I had escaped the townhouse.

00:29:31I was now entirely lost.

00:29:36A small panic began at the base of my throat

00:29:39and worked upward.

00:29:44I made myself stop at the next intersection.

00:29:49I set one gloved hand against the wall.

00:29:54I breathed three breaths.

00:29:56Behind me,

00:29:57in the close-walled alley I had just come out of,

00:29:59came a sound.

00:30:01Something between a cough

00:30:02and a long exhalation.

00:30:04Not the sound of a pursuer.

00:30:06Pursuers do not announce themselves with their lungs.

00:30:09I turned slowly.

00:30:11Owen Hartheil stood twelve feet behind me,

00:30:13one shoulder braced against the brick.

00:30:14His left arm hung at an angle.

00:30:16A bandage of his own neck cough

00:30:17had been wrapped around the upper sleeve,

00:30:18and blood had soaked it from black to red

00:30:19and from red to black again.

00:30:20His face was the color of unquached linen at me.

00:30:22His mouth moved.

00:30:23He tried for a smile

00:30:24and reached only the first part of one.

00:30:25I have found you at last.

00:30:29I went to him without thought.

00:30:31My hands were on the bandage.

00:30:35Before I remembered I'd been afraid

00:30:36of strangers in alleys for a week.

00:30:57He took my elbow with his good hand

00:31:00and guided me,

00:31:01walking unsteadily deeper into the warren.

00:31:05He knew the lanes.

00:31:07He had grown up in these lanes.

00:31:10At each turn,

00:31:11he chose the narrower of the two.

00:31:13I think you came after me.

00:31:15I made inquiries when they too

00:31:16took you from the packet.

00:31:18I learned what kind of man,

00:31:20your kind of man,

00:31:21your husband had become.

00:31:22I judged you would want assistance.

00:31:24I did not ask leave

00:31:26to investigate your private affairs.

00:31:28If that offends you,

00:31:29you may reproach me

00:31:30when we are out of the city.

00:31:35I am not offended.

00:31:37Then save your breath

00:31:39for the walking.

00:31:43A mile out past the last

00:31:45of the lamplit streets

00:31:46where the brick gave way to weeds

00:31:48and a few burnt cottages

00:31:49stood derelict on the river road,

00:31:52he stopped at a doorless cabin

00:31:54and let himself fall

00:31:56against its inner wall.

00:31:58The cabin was bare.

00:32:00A rotted pallet,

00:32:01a cold hearth,

00:32:03a tin cup,

00:32:04a smell of mice.

00:32:07I lit a small fire

00:32:08with the flint Owen carried

00:32:09in his coat.

00:32:11I unwrapped the bandage.

00:32:14The pistol bell had passed

00:32:15clean through the meat

00:32:17of the upper arm.

00:32:18The bleeding had slowed

00:32:20because the man had run out

00:32:21of blood to give.

00:32:23He was beginning to shake

00:32:24with fever.

00:32:28I cleaned the wound

00:32:29with the water in the tin cup

00:32:31and the spirits in his flask.

00:32:35I rebound it with strips

00:32:36torn from the lining

00:32:37of my petticoat.

00:32:39Owen endured the work

00:32:40without sound,

00:32:41watching the fire.

00:32:43Outside,

00:32:44somewhere far off

00:32:45across the river,

00:32:46a barge horn lowed twice

00:32:47and was answered.

00:32:48The cold came down hard

00:32:49with the dark.

00:32:50I gave him my traveling coat.

00:32:51He refused it.

00:32:53I told him not to be foolish.

00:32:54He accepted.

00:32:55I sat against the wall

00:32:56beside him,

00:32:57the coat spread across us both.

00:32:58His temperature came

00:32:59through the thin lawn

00:33:00of my dress

00:33:00like the heat from the stove.

00:33:02My own body,

00:33:03half starved and frozen

00:33:05for three days,

00:33:06drank it greatly.

00:33:07I had not been so close

00:33:08to another body

00:33:09since the night rake

00:33:10had stood up from my bed

00:33:11and dressed in front of me

00:33:12while Camille watched.

00:33:16I braced for the old nausea.

00:33:18None came.

00:33:19The man beside me

00:33:20was running a clean fever.

00:33:22The kind of fever

00:33:23the body uses

00:33:24to keep itself alive

00:33:26and his shoulder

00:33:27was steady.

00:33:31I did not mean to sleep.

00:33:33I slept.

00:33:35It was the first

00:33:36true sleep

00:33:37I had known

00:33:37since the cold gravel

00:33:38of the Ashford courtyard.

00:33:41I slept without dreaming.

00:33:44I came up out of it slowly

00:33:45into thin gray light

00:33:47at the doorless threshold.

00:33:49The coat was tucked

00:33:50under my chin.

00:33:51The shoulder I had slept

00:33:53against was gone.

00:33:54I sat up.

00:33:55The fire was a circle

00:33:56of cold ash.

00:33:57The cabin was empty,

00:33:59though.

00:33:59He had thought better of it

00:34:00in the end.

00:34:01He had perhaps left

00:34:02for a town

00:34:03with proper physicians

00:34:04and that was sensible

00:34:05and I had no right

00:34:06whatever to feel

00:34:07the small private drop

00:34:08in my chest.

00:34:09I had been alone before.

00:34:10I would be alone again.

00:34:12I had my coat.

00:34:13I had my purse

00:34:15sewn into the hem.

00:34:16I had the deed

00:34:16of separation

00:34:17buttoned at my breast.

00:34:18I stood.

00:34:19I straightened my hair.

00:34:21I walked to the cold fire

00:34:22and addressed it

00:34:23the way a woman

00:34:23addresses a grave.

00:34:25Owen Hartfield.

00:34:26Goodbye.

00:34:27I turned to go.

00:34:29He was standing

00:34:29in the doorway

00:34:30with a hair

00:34:31across his good arm.

00:34:33He had cleaned it already

00:34:34at some pond

00:34:35I could not see

00:34:36and his shirt sleeves

00:34:37were red to the elbows

00:34:38and his face

00:34:39under the fever clutch

00:34:40was breaking into

00:34:41something embarrassed

00:34:42and pleased.

00:34:45I woke hungry.

00:34:46There was a snare

00:34:47at the edge

00:34:48of the cane break.

00:34:51I did not wish

00:34:52to wake you.

00:34:57I thought...

00:34:58I know what you thought.

00:34:59A small silence.

00:35:01He looked away first.

00:35:03I wanted to be quick

00:35:04about it.

00:35:04I knew you would have

00:35:05woken thinking the worst

00:35:06and I would have deserved it

00:35:07for leaving without a word.

00:35:08What he did not say

00:35:09I knew because

00:35:10I have been watching

00:35:11over you since before

00:35:12you could lift your head

00:35:13from a pillow.

00:35:14He crouched at the hearth

00:35:15and laid the hair

00:35:16on a flat stone.

00:35:17He looked entirely

00:35:18competent at the work.

00:35:19His good hand

00:35:20made up for the other.

00:35:21I went out to the well

00:35:22behind the cabin

00:35:23and brought water.

00:35:24We built up the fire.

00:35:25He spitted the loins

00:35:26on a stripped sapling.

00:35:29He set the bones

00:35:30to boil

00:35:30in a chipped earthen pot

00:35:32he found in the kitchen corner

00:35:33with a colony

00:35:34of wood lights in it.

00:35:36Half an hour later

00:35:37we were eating

00:35:37roasted hair

00:35:38with our fingers

00:35:39and drinking the broth

00:35:40from the same tin cup

00:35:42passed between us.

00:35:44Mobile.

00:35:45You should not stay

00:35:45in Louisiana.

00:35:46The Hartwells

00:35:47keep rooms in Mobile

00:35:47and a few discreet friends.

00:35:49We can be there

00:35:49in three days

00:35:50by the coast road.

00:35:51We.

00:35:51If you'll accept the company.

00:35:52Down the cup.

00:35:52I looked at him

00:35:53over the small fire.

00:35:54I will accept the company.

00:35:55His face changed

00:35:56in a way I could not name

00:35:57and did not wish

00:35:57to study yet.

00:35:58Then we should be

00:35:58moving before me.

00:36:02We traveled the coast road

00:36:04in a hired buckford

00:36:05with two of Owen's men

00:36:06riding ahead

00:36:07and two behind

00:36:08all of them

00:36:09in dark unmarked coats.

00:36:10The road scurred the swamps

00:36:12where the live oaks

00:36:13dropped their long

00:36:14beards of mosh

00:36:15and the eaglins

00:36:16stood like white

00:36:16stitchwork in the green.

00:36:20By the second night

00:36:21we had crossed

00:36:21into Mississippi.

00:36:23By the fourth

00:36:24we were in Mobile

00:36:24taking rooms

00:36:26above a respectable

00:36:27boarding house

00:36:28off Government Street

00:36:29with the gulf wind

00:36:31smelling of salt

00:36:32at the windows.

00:36:33New Year's Eve

00:36:34found us at a small

00:36:34private table

00:36:35in the front pallor

00:36:36of the house

00:36:36a steaming earthen pot

00:36:38of chicken and red pepper

00:36:39between us.

00:36:39A jambalaya the land

00:36:41date he had made up special.

00:36:42Owen's color had come back.

00:36:44His arm was in a clean sling.

00:36:46This is the best

00:36:46New Year's supper

00:36:47I can remember.

00:36:48He spoke of his family then

00:36:50slowly

00:36:50without bitterness.

00:36:53His mother

00:36:54the first wife.

00:36:56His father

00:36:56who had taken a stage actress

00:36:58as his mistress

00:36:59and then

00:37:00after his wife's death

00:37:02raised the mistress

00:37:03to mother of his

00:37:04second household.

00:37:05Owen had been

00:37:06the unwanted son

00:37:07who would not

00:37:08stop being clever.

00:37:10Paris had been

00:37:11a place to study

00:37:12and also a place

00:37:13to be out of the house.

00:37:15Every Christmas

00:37:17every New Year

00:37:18I have thought

00:37:19what would it be

00:37:20if my mother

00:37:20were still living?

00:37:22My mother died

00:37:23when I was three.

00:37:25I do not remember

00:37:26her face

00:37:28but I think

00:37:29a mother wishes

00:37:30her child

00:37:31to be happy.

00:37:34If she could see you now

00:37:35she would be glad of you.

00:37:38He set down his spoon

00:37:40your mother

00:37:41said exactly that

00:37:42to me once.

00:37:47I looked up

00:37:49the room

00:37:50rearranged itself

00:37:51by a small degree.

00:37:52Our families

00:37:53did business together

00:37:54before you were born.

00:37:55My mother kept

00:37:56the apathy trade

00:37:57in New Orleans

00:37:57and yours kept

00:37:59the physician's compound

00:38:00in Charleston.

00:38:01We were one of her

00:38:02largest accounts.

00:38:04When you were

00:38:04a few weeks old

00:38:05my mother brought me

00:38:06to Charleston

00:38:06to visit your house.

00:38:07I could not speak.

00:38:11Owen reached

00:38:12into the frest

00:38:12of his coat

00:38:13with his good hand

00:38:14and brought out

00:38:15a small object

00:38:16on a fine gold chain.

00:38:18A cameo.

00:38:20Pale shell

00:38:21on a coral ground

00:38:23set in a worked

00:38:24gold frame

00:38:25the size of a thumb

00:38:26the clasp

00:38:28was a child's clasp.

00:38:30He laid it

00:38:31in my palm.

00:38:35I gave you this

00:38:36when you were

00:38:37one month old.

00:38:39I put it around

00:38:39your neck myself.

00:38:41I asked my mother

00:38:42whether I might

00:38:42have a little sister

00:38:44and she said

00:38:45you were not mine

00:38:45to have

00:38:46but that I might

00:38:47still wish

00:38:48good things upon you.

00:38:50I wished them.

00:38:53I have been wishing

00:38:54them for you

00:38:54ever since.

00:38:59I closed my hand

00:39:00around the cameo.

00:39:01The metal was warmer

00:39:02than metal should have been.

00:39:04I could not look at him.

00:39:08I have a jade locket

00:39:09from my infancy.

00:39:11My father said

00:39:11an old friend

00:39:12of my mother's

00:39:13gave it to me.

00:39:14He never named

00:39:14the friend.

00:39:15I have kept it

00:39:16in a bank vault

00:39:17in Charleston

00:39:17for nine years.

00:39:19It was meant for you.

00:39:21So is this.

00:39:25Outside,

00:39:26the bells

00:39:26of the Catholic Church

00:39:27began the midnight preel.

00:39:29Across the harbor,

00:39:30somewhere out on the water,

00:39:32a steam whistle answered.

00:39:35The new year

00:39:37was coming in

00:39:37over Mobile Bay

00:39:39with the smell

00:39:39of brine

00:39:40and tar

00:39:41and orange peel.

00:39:44Word had reached us

00:39:45that afternoon

00:39:46by a Hartwell courier.

00:39:48Ryde Ashford

00:39:50had threatened

00:39:51the family.

00:39:53He had said publicly

00:39:54in a New Orleans

00:39:55drawing room

00:39:56that he would put

00:39:57a ball into

00:39:58Owen Hartwell

00:39:59on site.

00:40:00The Hartwells

00:40:01of Mambiel

00:40:02and the Hartwells

00:40:04of New Orleans

00:40:05had received the threat

00:40:07with the calm

00:40:08of merchants

00:40:08who had outlasted

00:40:09three generations

00:40:10of louder men.

00:40:14Owen at the table

00:40:15was unconcerned.

00:40:18He has made enemies

00:40:19in too many

00:40:20of the military families.

00:40:24His grandfather

00:40:25will not protect him

00:40:26much longer.

00:40:28The old general

00:40:29is a careful officer

00:40:30and Reed

00:40:30has stopped

00:40:31being careful.

00:40:33The Hartwells

00:40:34are not afraid

00:40:35of the Ashfolds.

00:40:37He looked at me

00:40:38directly across the lamp.

00:40:41With me here,

00:40:42Eleanor.

00:40:43Whatever meth

00:40:44he employs,

00:40:45I will not allow him

00:40:47to take you.

00:40:50My heartbeat

00:40:51was loud

00:40:51in my own ears.

00:40:54I did not trust

00:40:55my voice.

00:40:56I looked instead

00:40:57at the cameo

00:40:58in my palm,

00:40:59a pounding

00:41:00at the front door

00:41:00of the house.

00:41:01The landlady's voice

00:41:02raised in startled protest.

00:41:04A boy's voice

00:41:04young, breathlin urgent

00:41:05overcoming her.

00:41:06Owen rose.

00:41:07I rose with him.

00:41:08The boy was a telegraph runner

00:41:09from the Confederate

00:41:10command office.

00:41:11He had pelted

00:41:12three blocks in the dark

00:41:13with the wire

00:41:13still warm in his ca-

00:41:15Mr. Hartwells,

00:41:16sir,

00:41:16word from up the river.

00:41:17The Yankees have moved

00:41:18on the Vicksburg line.

00:41:20Heavy engagement

00:41:21at Champions Hill.

00:41:22Field of surgeons

00:41:23are wanted

00:41:23by every hospital

00:41:25between here and Jackson.

00:41:27The mobile draft

00:41:28leaves on the morning train.

00:41:29Owen took the telegram.

00:41:31He read it once.

00:41:32He folded it in half

00:41:33with his good hand.

00:41:35He looked across

00:41:36the table at me.

00:41:37The war they had been

00:41:38speaking of

00:41:39as a thing

00:41:39happening elsewhere

00:41:40had crossed the room

00:41:42and laid its hand

00:41:42upon the cloth

00:41:43between us.

00:41:44I closed my fingers

00:41:46around the cameo

00:41:47until the gold edge

00:41:48bit my palm.

00:41:55Outside,

00:41:56the church bells

00:41:56had not finished

00:41:57ringing in the new year.

00:41:59Mobile's depot platform

00:42:01was crowded

00:42:01with men in fresh gray.

00:42:02Mothers pressed

00:42:03handkerchiefs

00:42:03into the hands of sons

00:42:04who had not yet learned

00:42:05no one to use them.

00:42:06Owen wore the dark coat

00:42:07of a contract surgeon.

00:42:08His medical sashel

00:42:08slung at his hip,

00:42:09his sling at last discarded.

00:42:10The arms still pained him

00:42:11in damp weather.

00:42:12He had not mentioned it.

00:42:13I walked beside him

00:42:13with my Blenco

00:42:14from his carriage.

00:42:15Atlanta first.

00:42:16The Hartwields

00:42:17in Decorder

00:42:17will receive you.

00:42:19Stay above

00:42:19Peck Tum Street.

00:42:20Do not write me

00:42:21where you can be traced.

00:42:23I have heard you

00:42:24the first three times.

00:42:30I will write

00:42:31to the Decor address.

00:42:33If a letter arrives

00:42:34that does not sound

00:42:35like me,

00:42:36burn it.

00:42:37He has copied

00:42:38my hand before.

00:42:41I will burn it.

00:42:44The conductor

00:42:45walked the line

00:42:46of cars

00:42:46with his bell.

00:42:47A boy ahead of us

00:42:48in a corporal's stripes

00:42:49wept openly

00:42:50into his sweetheart's bonnet

00:42:51and no one looked.

00:42:52Owen turned me

00:42:52toward him

00:42:53by the elbows.

00:42:54You will be safer

00:42:54in Atlanta

00:42:55than anywhere

00:42:55I could put you.

00:42:56The Hartwoods

00:42:57of Decade

00:42:57are very quiet people.

00:42:58They will treat you

00:42:59as a daughter.

00:43:00You said once

00:43:00you would stay with me

00:43:01wherever I went.

00:43:03I said that

00:43:04and I meant it.

00:43:05I am sorry.

00:43:05Do not be sorry.

00:43:06Be careful.

00:43:06Be careful in a way

00:43:07you have not been before.

00:43:08Eat.

00:43:09Sleep when you are

00:43:10given the chance

00:43:10to sleep.

00:43:11Don't stand

00:43:12where the powder wagons

00:43:13are hitched.

00:43:13Don't ride into anything

00:43:14you can't ride out.

00:43:15Mrs. Hartwood.

00:43:18I lifted my face.

00:43:20He kissed me

00:43:21on the forehead

00:43:22in plain view

00:43:23of the platform

00:43:23and did not flush.

00:43:27Around us

00:43:28the band changed hymns.

00:43:31I boarded.

00:43:33He walked the length

00:43:33length of the car

00:43:34as it began to move

00:43:35then jobbed

00:43:36a few paces

00:43:37then stopped.

00:43:38his good hand

00:43:39raised to his hat.

00:43:42I pressed my palm

00:43:44to the glass.

00:43:45The platform shrunk.

00:43:47The gulf wind

00:43:48took him.

00:43:50The country between us

00:43:51widened until

00:43:53I could not see

00:43:54his coat in the crowd.

00:43:56Then I sat

00:43:58down very straight

00:43:59and put

00:44:00hands in my lap.

00:44:06A year of war

00:44:07taught me

00:44:08the names of bones

00:44:09I had only read

00:44:10in Paris.

00:44:12I completed

00:44:13my additional training

00:44:14under a decatur

00:44:15surgeon.

00:44:16A quayer

00:44:17who took female

00:44:17students

00:44:18because the men

00:44:19had gone north

00:44:20or south.

00:44:21I earned

00:44:22my own bag

00:44:22of instruments.

00:44:24I earned

00:44:25the right

00:44:25to be called

00:44:26by my surname

00:44:27in a corridor.

00:44:30When the call

00:44:31came for

00:44:32volunteer surgeons

00:44:33at Vicksburg

00:44:33I put my name

00:44:35on the list.

00:44:37The Quaker

00:44:38did not try

00:44:38to dissuade me.

00:44:48He shook

00:44:49my hand

00:44:50instead.

00:44:52The field

00:44:53hospital at

00:44:53Vicksburg

00:44:54was a converted

00:44:55brick warehouse

00:44:56three blocks

00:44:57from the Mississippi.

00:44:58The wards

00:44:59had been set up

00:44:59Eleanor

00:45:00between rows

00:45:00of cotton bales.

00:45:02The smell

00:45:03of calanfeme

00:45:04and rot

00:45:04could not be

00:45:05covered by anything.

00:45:07I had been

00:45:07at my post

00:45:08nine hours.

00:45:12When Ayak 3

00:45:13I came down

00:45:14the corridor

00:45:14with a tray

00:45:15of clean linen

00:45:16and saw a man

00:45:18at the far end

00:45:19speaking with a colleague.

00:45:22His left arm

00:45:23hung at his side.

00:45:25Blood had soaked

00:45:26through the makeshift

00:45:27bandage

00:45:27and was falling

00:45:29drop by patient

00:45:31drop

00:45:33onto the boards.

00:45:38I knew

00:45:39the line

00:45:40of the shoulders

00:45:40before I knew

00:45:42the face.

00:45:50Dr. Hartworth

00:45:51he turned.

00:45:55He went still

00:45:56for an instant

00:45:58longer than

00:45:59a man should.

00:46:04He tried

00:46:05to draw

00:46:05the arm

00:46:06behind him.

00:46:07I walked

00:46:08the length

00:46:08of the corridor

00:46:10without slowing.

00:46:18I set down

00:46:18the tray.

00:46:20I lifted

00:46:21the arm.

00:46:22The flesh

00:46:23of his upper hand

00:46:24had been opened

00:46:25not by a bullet

00:46:26but by a blade.

00:46:27The cut

00:46:28was three millimeters

00:46:29from the tendon.

00:46:30White bone

00:46:30showed at the bed

00:46:31of it.

00:46:33Whoever

00:46:33had drawn

00:46:34the knife

00:46:34had known

00:46:35exactly where

00:46:36to draw.

00:46:37The colleague

00:46:38at Owen's elbow

00:46:38cleared his throat.

00:46:39The wound

00:46:40was given him

00:46:40this morning

00:46:40ma'am

00:46:41by a confederate

00:46:42officer named

00:46:42Ashford.

00:46:43The siege

00:46:44has not yet

00:46:45closed in.

00:46:45He came through

00:46:46the lines

00:46:46in civilian clothes

00:46:47and walked

00:46:48out the same way.

00:46:50Dr. Hartworth

00:46:50will not let me

00:46:51write the report.

00:46:52Sit down doctor.

00:46:53I threaded

00:46:54the suture needle.

00:46:55My hands

00:46:56were entirely still.

00:46:58Behind me

00:46:58on the cotton buns

00:46:59a private moaned

00:47:00for his mother.

00:47:01Outside

00:47:02a battery

00:47:02somewhere south

00:47:03of the river

00:47:04opened

00:47:04and the windows

00:47:05rattled gently

00:47:06in their frames.

00:47:07I closed the wound

00:47:08with 31 stitches

00:47:09each placed

00:47:10as if for an examination.

00:47:11I washed the hand.

00:47:13I splinted the fingers

00:47:14so the tendon

00:47:15could rest.

00:47:16I bound the dressing

00:47:17in clean linen

00:47:18and tied it

00:47:18with the small

00:47:19even knot

00:47:20I had taught

00:47:20myself in Paris.

00:47:22Owen watched

00:47:23me the whole time.

00:47:24He did not speak

00:47:25until I had set

00:47:26the last pin.

00:47:27You should not

00:47:28be here.

00:47:31That is curious.

00:47:33I was thinking

00:47:33the same of you.

00:47:37He has men

00:47:38in this city.

00:47:38The siege

00:47:39has not yet closed.

00:47:40He walked

00:47:40into the hospital

00:47:41in civilian clothes

00:47:41this morning.

00:47:42He found me

00:47:43at the druggist

00:47:43on Cherry Street.

00:47:44He drew a bowie knife

00:47:46across my hand

00:47:47because he could not

00:47:48bring himself

00:47:48to put a ball

00:47:49into me

00:47:49in the open street.

00:47:50I think he meant

00:47:51to leave me a crib.

00:47:52I cut the thread.

00:47:54You should go up river,

00:47:55Memphis,

00:47:55Kaido,

00:47:56and anywhere

00:47:57he cannot follow.

00:47:57I cannot leave.

00:47:58The hospital is short

00:47:59three surgeons.

00:48:00I will not desert it.

00:48:01As for you,

00:48:02Eleanor,

00:48:02get on the next

00:48:03northbound train.

00:48:05I will see you

00:48:06to the platform myself.

00:48:10I rinsed my hands

00:48:11in the basin.

00:48:13The water

00:48:13clouded pink.

00:48:18No.

00:48:21Eleanor.

00:48:22I am staying.

00:48:24I am staying

00:48:25to look after you.

00:48:27And I am going

00:48:28to finish the conversation

00:48:29I should have finished

00:48:30in his mother's parlor

00:48:31three years ago.

00:48:33It has gone on

00:48:34long enough.

00:48:35I dried my hands

00:48:36on the towel

00:48:36at my belt.

00:48:38I will send him

00:48:39a note tonight.

00:48:40I will invite him

00:48:41to dinner.

00:48:42He will come.

00:48:46He has not yet

00:48:47learned how to

00:48:47refuse me anything

00:48:48I phrase as an invitation.

00:48:51Owen sat very still

00:48:53on the cot.

00:48:55his bandaged hand

00:48:56rested in his lap

00:48:58like something

00:48:59he no longer

00:49:00recognized.

00:49:02Eleanor,

00:49:03he will not let you

00:49:04walk out of that room.

00:49:05He will.

00:49:07Because I will be

00:49:08the one who decides

00:49:11when the door opens.

00:49:15I picked up the tray

00:49:16and went to wash

00:49:18the instruments.

00:49:20The restaurant

00:49:21stood on a quieter

00:49:22street in town,

00:49:23well behind the

00:49:23Confederate lines

00:49:24and outside the reach

00:49:25of the federal guns.

00:49:27The siege

00:49:27had not yet

00:49:28closed its fist.

00:49:30Officers in gray

00:49:30still took supper

00:49:31there in the evenings

00:49:32without inquiry.

00:49:33I chose a table

00:49:34near the window.

00:49:36Reed arrived

00:49:37in clean gray,

00:49:38hat in hand.

00:49:40A year apart

00:49:41and he had thinned.

00:49:43The boy light

00:49:43in his face

00:49:44had gone.

00:49:45What remained

00:49:46was harder

00:49:46and in a certain light

00:49:48handsomer for it

00:49:48the way a worn coin

00:49:49reads more clearly.

00:49:51He stopped

00:49:51six feet short

00:49:52of the table.

00:49:53Eleanor.

00:49:54Sit down,

00:49:55Reed.

00:49:58He sat.

00:49:59He could not

00:50:00stop his eyes

00:50:01from moving

00:50:01across my face.

00:50:03I have sent

00:50:03Camille away.

00:50:05After Theodore died

00:50:06I had the child

00:50:07taken from her

00:50:09and I had her

00:50:09sent to a house

00:50:10in New Orleans

00:50:11I will not name

00:50:11in your hearing.

00:50:13My mother

00:50:13is at the General's.

00:50:14I set down my knife.

00:50:15I rose.

00:50:16I set my hands

00:50:17at the hem of my dress

00:50:18and lifted it slowly

00:50:18a single inch

00:50:19at a time

00:50:20to the knee.

00:50:20The scars stood pale

00:50:21against the candlelit linen.

00:50:23Two long ridges

00:50:24and a constellation

00:50:24of smaller ones

00:50:25the color of old ivory.

00:50:26The skin around them

00:50:26still rough

00:50:27where the cold

00:50:27and the gravel

00:50:28had taken me down

00:50:28to the joint.

00:50:29I let him look.

00:50:30I let the table

00:50:31near us look.

00:50:32I let the moment sit.

00:50:34Every time it rains

00:50:34the bone aches

00:50:35inside the joint.

00:50:36Paris physician

00:50:37who examined me

00:50:37last spring

00:50:38believes that one day

00:50:38I will not walk.

00:50:39You did not send

00:50:40for a doctor.

00:50:41You did not ask

00:50:41whether I was in pain.

00:50:42While I stood

00:50:43in your courtyard

00:50:43you were in her bed.

00:50:44I lowered the hem.

00:50:45That is what

00:50:46your love cost.

00:50:47Now tell me again

00:50:48what it is worth.

00:50:49Reit opened his mouth.

00:50:52No sound came.

00:50:54Reit found his voice

00:50:55at last

00:50:56and it was not

00:50:57the voice I had expected.

00:50:59It was the voice

00:51:00of a man

00:51:01who had rehearsed

00:51:02a speech

00:51:03in the saddle

00:51:04for a hundred miles.

00:51:06I am flesh

00:51:07and blood

00:51:07Eleanor.

00:51:09No man

00:51:10is faultless.

00:51:11Why must you

00:51:12weigh a single error

00:51:14against every year

00:51:15I gave you?

00:51:17I laughed

00:51:18not cruelly

00:51:18only with the small

00:51:19helpless astonishment

00:51:20of a woman

00:51:20who has finally been told

00:51:21the size of the room

00:51:22she stood in.

00:51:23A single error.

00:51:24You have pursued

00:51:26Owen Hartwell

00:51:26across two states

00:51:28for a year.

00:51:29You opened his hand

00:51:30this morning

00:51:31with a knife.

00:51:32You have ridden

00:51:33with a woman

00:51:33in your column

00:51:34the whole of that year

00:51:35and I have heard her name

00:51:36from three different mouths.

00:51:37We are no longer

00:51:38married, Riot.

00:51:40I signed the deed

00:51:41of separation

00:51:41in your mother's hand

00:51:42the morning

00:51:43I left Charleston.

00:51:44The Alabama legislature

00:51:45dissolved what was left

00:51:46of the bond

00:51:46by special act

00:51:47in the spring.

00:51:48I owe you

00:51:49nothing further.

00:51:50I am permitted

00:51:50to find another life.

00:51:52You apparently

00:51:53are held to no standard

00:51:54of any kind.

00:51:54I see it last.

00:51:56I stepped back

00:51:57from the table.

00:51:58Riot caught my wrist.

00:52:00I looked at his hand

00:52:02on my arm

00:52:03the way a person

00:52:04looks at something

00:52:04she intends to remove

00:52:06from her clothing.

00:52:07He let go.

00:52:08I came with one

00:52:09small hope left in me.

00:52:11I should have known better.

00:52:13I will not see you again.

00:52:16I turned for the door.

00:52:18I am a man

00:52:19with blood in his veins.

00:52:21If you mean

00:52:21to make me a stranger.

00:52:23Eleanor,

00:52:24I will not stay safe.

00:52:24civil.

00:52:25Do you hear me?

00:52:26I will not stay civil.

00:52:28I did not turn.

00:52:30I crossed the dining room.

00:52:32I passed the rack

00:52:33of officers' hats.

00:52:35I pushed open the door

00:52:36into the cold

00:52:37November street

00:52:38and walked out

00:52:39without looking back.

00:52:42Behind me,

00:52:43glass broke.

00:52:44A heavy table

00:52:45went over.

00:52:47Voices rose.

00:52:49Someone called

00:52:50for the proprietor.

00:52:51A chair struck a wall.

00:52:54I did not stop.

00:52:57I walked the four blocks

00:52:58to the hospital

00:52:59with my hands

00:53:00tucked into my sleeves

00:53:01to keep them

00:53:02from shaking.

00:53:04The cold air

00:53:05burned my throat clean.

00:53:06A barge horn

00:53:07lowed on the river.

00:53:09Above the chimneys,

00:53:10the sky was the color

00:53:11of beaten tin

00:53:12and the first stars

00:53:13were coming up

00:53:14clear and small

00:53:15over the bluffs.

00:53:16I came up

00:53:17the hospital stair

00:53:17and stopped

00:53:18at the head

00:53:18of the corridor.

00:53:19Owen stood with his back

00:53:20to me in the lamplight,

00:53:20his banded hand

00:53:21held against his coat.

00:53:22A young woman

00:53:22in the gray apron

00:53:23of a Sisters of Mercy

00:53:24volunteer faced him,

00:53:25color high in her cheeks,

00:53:26speaking too quickly.

00:53:26Dr. Adelaine Pierce,

00:53:28the Atlanta girl,

00:53:29two weeks at the post

00:53:29and already a tongue

00:53:30too quick for her boots.

00:53:32I did not know

00:53:33what rose in my chest then.

00:53:36It was sharper

00:53:36than anything Wright

00:53:37had drawn from me

00:53:38in a year.

00:53:44I lowered my head

00:53:45and made to pass them.

00:53:46Owen's good hand

00:53:47closed around my wrist

00:53:48as I went by.

00:53:49Eleanor,

00:53:50my hand has been

00:53:51paining me.

00:53:52Would you press

00:53:53a fresh shirt for me

00:53:53before I go on rounds?

00:53:55Dr. Pierce blinked.

00:53:58Dr. Hartweald,

00:53:59forgive me,

00:54:00you have someone?

00:54:01We have known each other

00:54:02since she was a month old,

00:54:03Dr. Pierce.

00:54:04Our mothers arranged

00:54:05the matter when she was

00:54:06still in her cradle.

00:54:07I have been the slow party.

00:54:09He did not let go

00:54:10of my wrist.

00:54:10The young doctor's color

00:54:12went from rose to scarlet.

00:54:13She murmured an apology

00:54:15and excused herself

00:54:15down the corridor.

00:54:17Owen and I stood alone

00:54:18in the lamplight.

00:54:19He had not yet

00:54:19released my wrist.

00:54:21I did not lift my eyes.

00:54:22Let me return the camion

00:54:24to you.

00:54:24No.

00:54:26I am a freed woman,

00:54:27Owen.

00:54:28The Alabama legislature

00:54:29dissolved the marriage

00:54:30by special act

00:54:31in the spring.

00:54:31I have the decree sealed

00:54:32and recorded folded

00:54:33in my trunk.

00:54:34I did not give Rhee

00:54:35the courtesy of telling him.

00:54:36I am a year older

00:54:37than I was on the road.

00:54:39I have just walked

00:54:40out of a restaurant

00:54:40where a man overturned

00:54:41a table for me.

00:54:42I have nothing to offer you

00:54:42that a younger woman

00:54:43would not offer better.

00:54:44Eleanor,

00:54:45would you consider

00:54:46marrying me?

00:54:47I was very quiet

00:54:48for a long moment.

00:54:50The lamp at the end

00:54:51of the corridor hissed.

00:54:53I lifted my chin.

00:54:56Is the courthouse still open

00:54:57at this hour?

00:54:58The clerk owes me a favor.

00:55:00He will open it.

00:55:02Then bring two witnesses.

00:55:03I will fetch my coat.

00:55:05I walked past him

00:55:07toward the women's ward.

00:55:08Halfway down the corridor

00:55:09I set my hand against the wall

00:55:11as if to steady a chair

00:55:12and stood there a moment,

00:55:14my shoulders shaking

00:55:15with something

00:55:15that was not yet tears.

00:55:17We were married

00:55:17within the hour

00:55:18at the back office

00:55:19of the Vicksburg courthouse

00:55:20by lamplight

00:55:20with two orderies

00:55:21from the hospital

00:55:21standing as witnesses.

00:55:23The clerk inscribed

00:55:23the certificate

00:55:24with a steel pen.

00:55:25Owen wrote his name first.

00:55:26I wrote mine below

00:55:26in the small precise hand

00:55:28my father had taught me at six.

00:55:29The ink was still wet

00:55:30when Owen folded the paper

00:55:31into the breast of his coat.

00:55:33On the walk back

00:55:34Owen stopped at the drug mints

00:55:35and bought a paper sack

00:55:36of peppermints.

00:55:38He gave one to every patient

00:55:40Eleanor in the ward.

00:55:42He gave one to the orderly

00:55:43who had stood as witness.

00:55:45He gave one to the boy

00:55:46at the gate.

00:55:48We were married this afternoon.

00:55:50You may toast us at supper.

00:55:53A surgeon from Memphis

00:55:54clapped him on the shoulder.

00:55:56A week in town

00:55:57and you have taken

00:55:57Atlanta's best lady doctor.

00:56:00You should run for office,

00:56:02Heartless.

00:56:02I have known her

00:56:03since before she could

00:56:04hold up her head.

00:56:06I am the one who was slow.

00:56:08That night,

00:56:09we took a single room

00:56:10above a quiet boarding house

00:56:12off Washington Street.

00:56:14Owen had cooked supper himself

00:56:16in the landlady's kitchen.

00:56:18A poached chicken and cream

00:56:19a small dish

00:56:21of stewed apples.

00:56:22A half bottle of clillart

00:56:23a Hartweald cousin

00:56:24had run through the blockade

00:56:26six months earlier.

00:56:28The cameo lay

00:56:29at the hollow of my throat

00:56:32where it had always belonged.

00:56:34You are beautiful tonight,

00:56:35Mrs. Hartweald.

00:56:38My color had not left my face

00:56:40since the courthouse.

00:56:42I did not look up

00:56:43from my glass.

00:56:46Stop saying that

00:56:47or I will not be able to eat.

00:56:49Then I will say it after supper.

00:56:53He did.

00:56:54He said other things, too,

00:56:56that were not for the page.

00:56:58The lamp burnt low.

00:57:01The cameo grew warm

00:57:02against my skin.

00:57:04Outside,

00:57:05the autumn cold

00:57:06settled deep

00:57:07into the brick of the chimney

00:57:08and somewhere upriver

00:57:10a steam whistle

00:57:11answered another.

00:57:12I slept without dreams.

00:57:16At first light,

00:57:17boots on the stair below.

00:57:20A heavy stride.

00:57:22A stride I knew.

00:57:24Owen was already sitting up,

00:57:26reaching for his coat.

00:57:28Downstairs,

00:57:29the front window broke.

00:57:31The shot came through

00:57:32the parlor window

00:57:33and lodged in the cornice

00:57:35above the bed.

00:57:36Owen pulled me down

00:57:37with his good arm

00:57:38and held me against

00:57:39the headboard.

00:57:40Glass dusted the rug.

00:57:42Ride's voice came up

00:57:43from the street,

00:57:43Horsky and not entirely sober.

00:57:46Hartwell!

00:57:47Come down!

00:57:49Come down

00:57:50or I'll

00:57:50fire the building!

00:57:59I pushed out of Owen's arms

00:58:01and went to the window.

00:58:02He reached for me.

00:58:04I stepped out of his hand.

00:58:06Below in the early street,

00:58:08Rabe stood with a dueling pistol

00:58:09in each hand

00:58:10and three men behind him

00:58:11on horseback.

00:58:12His hat was off.

00:58:13His hair was wet.

00:58:15Whom I marry

00:58:16is no concern of yours, Reed.

00:58:19Put down the pistols

00:58:20and go home.

00:58:21They told me

00:58:22you married him last night!

00:58:25Tell me they lied!

00:58:26Reed, if I were you, Ashford.

00:58:29A man who treated her

00:58:30as you treated her.

00:58:32I could not show my face

00:58:33to her again.

00:58:35And yet here you are

00:58:37at her window

00:58:37in the open street

00:58:39in front of witnesses.

00:58:41Holster your pistols.

00:58:43You are embarrassing

00:58:44your grandfather.

00:58:46Reed fired.

00:58:48The ball grazed

00:58:49the curtain

00:58:49at Owen's temple

00:58:50and buried itself

00:58:51in the wardrobe

00:58:52behind us.

00:58:53The sound rang

00:58:54the small room

00:58:55like a bell.

00:58:56I did not move.

00:58:57My shoulder blades

00:58:58were against Owen's chest.

00:58:59My chin was lifted.

00:59:00My face was turned

00:59:01toward the muzzle

00:59:02of the pistol below.

00:59:03Reed!

00:59:04Listen!

00:59:05I spoke quietly

00:59:06but the street heard me.

00:59:07Hurt my husband

00:59:08and I will not forgive it.

00:59:09Kill him

00:59:10and I will follow him!

00:59:12There will be no Ashford widow

00:59:13waiting for you

00:59:14in Charleston.

00:59:16There will be no woman

00:59:17of yours

00:59:18in any house.

00:59:20There will be a grave

00:59:21next to his

00:59:22and you may carry

00:59:23the memory

00:59:24the rest of your life.

00:59:26Rialt lowered

00:59:27the pistol an inch.

00:59:28His mouth worked.

00:59:30Then I will lay you

00:59:31both in the Ashford plot.

00:59:33We will haunt each other

00:59:35to the end

00:59:35of the world.

00:59:37He fired the second round

00:59:39into the wall

00:59:39beside the window

00:59:40and turned his horse.

00:59:41The hoofbeats

00:59:42faded down

00:59:42Washington Street.

00:59:43Somewhere a dog

00:59:44began to bark

00:59:44and was silenced

00:59:45by a thrown boot.

00:59:46My knees gave.

00:59:47Owen caught me

00:59:48under the arms

00:59:48and carried me

00:59:49to the bed.

00:59:50He set me

00:59:50against the pillow

00:59:51and pulled the quilt

00:59:51over my shoulders

00:59:52and held my face

00:59:53between his hands.

00:59:54He is noise.

00:59:55He has always been noise.

00:59:56While I am breathing

00:59:57he will not touch you.

00:59:58I pressed my forehead

00:59:59to his shoulder.

01:00:00His coat smelled

01:00:01of chloroform

01:00:02and cold smoke.

01:00:03Owen,

01:00:04let us go somewhere

01:00:05he cannot find us.

01:00:06Mexico,

01:00:07the Sandwich Islands,

01:00:08anywhere.

01:00:09Not yet.

01:00:10Not while the war

01:00:10needs us.

01:00:11A private grievance

01:00:13is not worth

01:00:13the leaving of a post.

01:00:16I did not answer.

01:00:18That evening courier

01:00:20knocked at the door

01:00:21with a folded dispatch.

01:00:22Heavy engagement

01:00:23along the Yazak.

01:00:25Three field hospitals

01:00:26shelled.

01:00:27The senior surgeon

01:00:28at Snyder's Bluff

01:00:29was dead of fever.

01:00:30Owen's orders

01:00:31were waiting

01:00:32in the major's tent

01:00:32at first light.

01:00:34He packed his case

01:00:35by lamplight.

01:00:38I sat on the edge

01:00:39of the bed

01:00:40and watched him

01:00:41fold each clean shirt

01:00:42into the leather satsal.

01:00:44He set the Camus

01:00:45matching gold chain,

01:00:47a thinner one

01:00:48he had bought

01:00:48that morning

01:00:49at the Drugritur's

01:00:50around my neck

01:00:51for him to carry away

01:00:53in memory.

01:00:55I will write

01:00:56every week.

01:00:58If the post

01:00:59is cut,

01:01:00I will write

01:01:00every week anyway

01:01:02and send it

01:01:03when I can.

01:01:05I know.

01:01:13Eleanor,

01:01:13I have been wishing

01:01:15good things upon you

01:01:15for thirty years.

01:01:17I am not going to stop

01:01:18because there is

01:01:18a battle in the way.

01:01:20I rose to walk

01:01:21him to the door.

01:01:22At the threshold

01:01:22he turned,

01:01:23set down the saddle,

01:01:24took my face

01:01:25in his hands once more

01:01:26and kissed me

01:01:27without haste.

01:01:30He picked up

01:01:31the satchel.

01:01:36He went down

01:01:37the stair.

01:01:38I stood at the

01:01:39broken window

01:01:39and watched him

01:01:40cross the lamplight street

01:01:41towards the depot.

01:01:43I wanted to call out

01:01:44to tell him to wait

01:01:46but I knew I couldn't.

01:01:51He raised his good hand

01:01:52once without turning.

01:01:54Then the corner

01:01:55took him,

01:01:56his footsteps

01:01:57fading like a memory.

01:02:01I would not see him

01:02:02for a great while.

01:02:04Behind me,

01:02:05in the bed,

01:02:06the impression

01:02:07of his head

01:02:08was still on the pillow.

01:02:10Letters came

01:02:11once a fortnight,

01:02:13then once a month,

01:02:16then a season

01:02:17passed in silence.

01:02:26I moved

01:02:27with my unit

01:02:28when the field hospital

01:02:29was shelled.

01:02:39I moved again

01:02:42when the next post

01:02:43was overrun.

01:02:48I slept in

01:02:49convent cellars

01:02:50and in farmhouse parlors

01:02:57and once

01:02:58for three nights

01:02:58in the bed

01:02:59of a hay wagon.

01:03:03I set broken

01:03:05femurs

01:03:06by lamp

01:03:07made from

01:03:07a saucer

01:03:08of grease.

01:03:14I closed wounds

01:03:16I could not have

01:03:16closed in Paris

01:03:19and lost men

01:03:20I could have

01:03:21saved there.

01:03:23I kept his thinner

01:03:24chain at my throat

01:03:25and the cameo

01:03:26beside it

01:03:27and I kept my face

01:03:29turned toward the work.

01:03:35Word reached the hospital

01:03:37in the spring

01:03:37of the second year.

01:03:39Colonel Reet Ashfield

01:03:40of the cavalry

01:03:41killed in a skirmish

01:03:43thirty miles

01:03:43south of Vicksburg.

01:03:45The body

01:03:46had not been recovered.

01:03:48The horses

01:03:49had come back

01:03:49without him.

01:03:50I sat with the dispatch

01:03:52a long time.

01:03:53I felt no joy in it

01:03:54and no grief.

01:03:55Only a distant

01:03:57uncomplicated quiet

01:03:58that he might

01:03:59in another life

01:04:00have been someone else

01:04:02and that he had not been.

01:04:08I folded the paper

01:04:09into my case

01:04:10and went back

01:04:11to the wards.

01:04:16The letters from Owen

01:04:18stopped entirely

01:04:18that summer.

01:04:19Six months

01:04:20then nine.

01:04:22On a clear morning

01:04:23in autumn

01:04:23a union liaisal officer

01:04:25was shown into

01:04:25the small canvas room

01:04:26I used as an office.

01:04:28He removed his hat.

01:04:29He sat down

01:04:30across from me

01:04:31without being asked.

01:04:32Mrs. Hartweid

01:04:32Dr. Hartweid

01:04:34was carrying

01:04:34disaches three weeks ago

01:04:35when a powder magazine

01:04:36exploded during

01:04:37the siege at Petersburg.

01:04:38A beam struck him

01:04:39at the temple

01:04:39he has been unconscious

01:04:40since.

01:04:40I set down my pen.

01:04:42His family in New Orleans

01:04:43moved him to a private

01:04:44sanitary in Paris.

01:04:45He left written instructions

01:04:46that you were not

01:04:46to be informed.

01:04:48The Paris physicians

01:04:48have given him six months.

01:04:49Six months are now five.

01:04:50His aunt has sent for you.

01:04:52She believes you should

01:04:52see him before treatment

01:04:53is withdrawn.

01:04:53I rose.

01:04:54I walked to the canvas wall.

01:04:56I set my hand against it.

01:04:57As a woman sets her hand

01:04:58against a beam

01:04:59to see if the house is sound.

01:05:01When is the next pack?

01:05:02The sanatorium

01:05:03stood on a quiet street

01:05:05in Passy

01:05:05behind a garden wall

01:05:07the color of old chalk.

01:05:09Its garden was bare

01:05:10of leaves.

01:05:12Its windows

01:05:13were curtained in white.

01:05:15Aunt Hartweid

01:05:16met me at the door.

01:05:17She was a tall woman

01:05:18in morning gray

01:05:20with Owen's mouth.

01:05:21He has not stirred

01:05:22in six months.

01:05:23The physicians

01:05:25wished to withdraw

01:05:25the apparatus

01:05:26tomorrow at nine.

01:05:28I thought you should

01:05:29see him first.

01:05:31I thought he deserved

01:05:32the chance to hear

01:05:33your voice before the end.

01:05:35I climbed the carpet stair.

01:05:38He lay very thin

01:05:39in the high bed.

01:05:41His hair had been

01:05:42cropped close.

01:05:44A nursing sister

01:05:46sat beside him

01:05:46with a small spoon

01:05:47and a cup of cool broth.

01:05:49His lips had been

01:05:50kept moist

01:05:51with a folded cloth.

01:05:53His good hand

01:05:54lay open

01:05:54on the coverlet

01:05:55the one I had stitched

01:05:56the scar still pink

01:05:57across the back.

01:05:59I sat down.

01:06:01I took his hand.

01:06:05It was warmer

01:06:06than I had braced

01:06:07myself for.

01:06:08For five nights

01:06:09I spoke to him

01:06:09about the wards

01:06:11about Reed's death

01:06:12I had not told him

01:06:12of in any letter.

01:06:14About the camion

01:06:15about the bone

01:06:16in my knee

01:06:16that had begun

01:06:16to ache again

01:06:17in the Paris damp.

01:06:18About a daughter

01:06:19we had not yet had

01:06:20whom I had already

01:06:21begun in my own mind

01:06:22to name.

01:06:23I told him

01:06:24I was furious

01:06:24with him

01:06:25for hiding the wound.

01:06:26I told him

01:06:26he had broken

01:06:27his word.

01:06:28I sat with his hand

01:06:30in mine

01:06:30for a long time

01:06:31neither speaking

01:06:32nor weeping

01:06:32only listening

01:06:33to his breath.

01:06:34Then I told him

01:06:35I loved him

01:06:35and that I would

01:06:36not say it again

01:06:36if he did not

01:06:37wake to hear it.

01:06:38The sixth night

01:06:39Aunt Hartweald

01:06:40came in with her hat

01:06:41in her hand.

01:06:42The physician

01:06:43comes at nine.

01:06:45The flight home

01:06:46is the day after.

01:06:46I have arranged

01:06:48a place

01:06:48beside his mother.

01:06:50I understand.

01:06:52I leaned down

01:06:53and kissed

01:06:54his cool

01:06:54still mouth.

01:06:56Owen

01:06:57I forgive you.

01:06:59I am taking

01:06:59back my anger.

01:07:01I will not

01:07:02be your widow.

01:07:03I have years

01:07:04left.

01:07:05I intend

01:07:05to use them.

01:07:07I straightened.

01:07:08I pushed

01:07:09back the chair.

01:07:11I reached

01:07:12for my coat

01:07:12across the foot

01:07:13of the bed.

01:07:14I saw

01:07:15his eyelashes

01:07:16move.

01:07:17I froze

01:07:17with my coat

01:07:18half across

01:07:19my arm

01:07:19certain I had

01:07:20imagined it.

01:07:22His eyelids

01:07:22moved again.

01:07:23His eyelids

01:07:24opened

01:07:25slowly

01:07:25with enormous

01:07:26effort

01:07:27and his eyes

01:07:28found my face

01:07:29at once.

01:07:30I broke.

01:07:31I had not

01:07:31broken in three

01:07:32years

01:07:33and I broke

01:07:33now

01:07:34loudly

01:07:34without dignity

01:07:36my hands

01:07:37at my mouth

01:07:37and the coat

01:07:38falling to the floor.

01:07:39I called

01:07:40for the nurse.

01:07:41I called

01:07:41for Aunt Hartwell.

01:07:42I called

01:07:43Owen's name

01:07:44in pieces.

01:07:45His mouth

01:07:45moved.

01:07:46He could not

01:07:47form a sentence.

01:07:48He said my name

01:07:50slowly

01:07:50in three breaths.

01:07:53Don't

01:07:53cry.

01:07:55Eleanor

01:07:55laughing through tears.

01:07:57You do not

01:07:57get to tell me

01:07:58anything.

01:07:59You almost died.

01:08:00In the doorway

01:08:01Aunt Hartwith

01:08:02stood with her hat

01:08:03in her hand.

01:08:06After a long

01:08:07moment

01:08:07she allowed

01:08:09herself

01:08:09very slowly

01:08:11to smile.

01:08:13Ten years

01:08:14passed in Paris

01:08:15and London

01:08:16a small clinic

01:08:17in Geneva.

01:08:19Owen

01:08:19recovered slowly.

01:08:21Our daughter

01:08:22was born

01:08:22on a morning

01:08:23in May

01:08:23and we named

01:08:24her Hope.

01:08:26The war

01:08:27ended at last

01:08:28in the spring

01:08:28of Hope's

01:08:29tenth year

01:08:33and we came

01:08:34home.

01:08:43Washington

01:08:4420 years

01:08:45on.

01:08:46The morning

01:08:46of my retirement

01:08:47was cold

01:08:48and clean.

01:08:49Owen drove

01:08:50up to the

01:08:50institute steps

01:08:51in a hired

01:08:51carriage.

01:08:52His hair

01:08:53had gone

01:08:53entirely

01:08:53white.

01:08:54So had

01:08:55mine.

01:08:55He carried

01:08:56a small

01:08:56bunch

01:08:56of white

01:08:57roses

01:08:57wrapped

01:08:57in brown

01:08:58paper.

01:08:58Owen

01:08:59stepped

01:08:59down

01:09:00and offered

01:09:00his arm.

01:09:01I came

01:09:01out between

01:09:02the columns

01:09:02with my

01:09:02satchel

01:09:03over my

01:09:03shoulder.

01:09:04The same

01:09:04satchel

01:09:05I had

01:09:05carried

01:09:05out of

01:09:05Charleston

01:09:06Harbor

01:09:06on a

01:09:07steamer

01:09:0750 years

01:09:08ago.

01:09:08The cameo

01:09:09he had

01:09:09back of

01:09:09his right

01:09:10hand

01:09:10where I

01:09:11had

01:09:11stitched

01:09:11him at

01:09:11Vicksburg

01:09:12was 30

01:09:12years old

01:09:13and silver.

01:09:14Congratulations

01:09:15Mrs. Hartware.

01:09:16Welcome to

01:09:16the country

01:09:16of the

01:09:16retired.

01:09:17I took

01:09:18the roses.

01:09:19I held

01:09:19them against

01:09:20my coat.

01:09:21I looked

01:09:21at him

01:09:22a moment

01:09:22as if

01:09:22deciding

01:09:23what to

01:09:23do

01:09:23with the

01:09:23news

01:09:23I had

01:09:24been

01:09:24carrying

01:09:24all

01:09:24morning.

01:09:26Did

01:09:26the assistant

01:09:26not tell

01:09:27you?

01:09:27I have

01:09:28been

01:09:28reappointed.

01:09:29removed

01:09:29his

01:09:29spectacles.

01:09:30He

01:09:30polished

01:09:31them

01:09:31on his

01:09:31handkerchief

01:09:31with great

01:09:32care.

01:09:32He put

01:09:32them

01:09:32back on.

01:09:33He

01:09:33looked

01:09:33at me

01:09:33and the

01:09:34corner of

01:09:34his

01:09:34mouth

01:09:34lifted

01:09:34in the

01:09:35small

01:09:35private

01:09:35way

01:09:35it

01:09:35had

01:09:36lifted

01:09:36at

01:09:36me

01:09:36every

01:09:36morning

01:09:37for 40

01:09:37years.

01:09:37Then

01:09:38congratulations

01:09:38Mrs. Hartweith.

01:09:39We continue.

01:09:40We continue.

01:09:41I have

01:09:41been

01:09:41reappointed

01:09:42as well.

01:09:42Tuesday.

01:09:43Of course

01:09:43you have.

01:09:44He

01:09:45pushed

01:09:45open the

01:09:46carriage

01:09:46door.

01:09:48I

01:09:48climbed

01:09:48in.

01:09:49He

01:09:50set

01:09:50the roses

01:09:50across

01:09:58wobbles.

01:09:59The

01:09:59institute

01:09:59steps

01:10:00slid

01:10:00past

01:10:00the

01:10:01window

01:10:01and

01:10:02beyond

01:10:02them

01:10:02the

01:10:02capitol

01:10:03dome

01:10:03stood

01:10:03pale

01:10:04against

01:10:04an

01:10:04autumn

01:10:04sky.

01:10:05He

01:10:06reached

01:10:06across

01:10:07the

01:10:07seat

01:10:07and

01:10:07took

01:10:07my

01:10:07hand.

01:10:08The

01:10:08morning

01:10:09sun

01:10:09came

01:10:09through

01:10:09the

01:10:09carriage

01:10:10glass

01:10:10and

01:10:10lit

01:10:10us

01:10:10both.

01:10:11White

01:10:12haired,

01:10:12bone

01:10:12tired,

01:10:13still

01:10:13here.

01:10:14On

01:10:14the

01:10:14first

01:10:15weekend

01:10:15after

01:10:15our

01:10:16new

01:10:16clinic

01:10:16was

01:10:16established

01:10:17in

01:10:17Washington,

01:10:18the

01:10:18sky

01:10:18finally

01:10:19cleared.

01:10:20Our

01:10:20daughter

01:10:20Hope

01:10:21sent

01:10:21a long

01:10:22letter

01:10:22from

01:10:22medical

01:10:23school.

01:10:23Owen

01:10:24sat

01:10:24by

01:10:24the

01:10:25fireplace

01:10:25wearing

01:10:26his

01:10:26gold

01:10:26rimmed

01:10:27spectacles

01:10:27reading it

01:10:28to me

01:10:28word

01:10:28by

01:10:28word.

01:10:29Whenever

01:10:30he

01:10:30reached

01:10:31an

01:10:31exciting

01:10:31part,

01:10:32the

01:10:32faded

01:10:32scar

01:10:33on

01:10:33his

01:10:33right

01:10:34hand,

01:10:35which

01:10:35I

01:10:35had

01:10:35stitched

01:10:36with

01:10:36my

01:10:37own

01:10:37hands

01:10:37in

01:10:37Vicksburg,

01:10:38would

01:10:39trace

01:10:39a

01:10:39faint

01:10:40arc

01:10:40in

01:10:40the

01:10:40air

01:10:41with

01:10:42his

01:10:42gestures.

01:10:44Those

01:10:45nightmares

01:10:45that had

01:10:45once

01:10:46snapped

01:10:46my

01:10:46dignity,

01:10:47inch

01:10:48by

01:10:48inch

01:10:48and

01:10:48ruthlessly

01:10:49crushed

01:10:49my

01:10:50unborn

01:10:50child,

01:10:51had

01:10:51finally

01:10:52faded

01:10:52into

01:10:52nothing

01:10:53more

01:10:53than

01:10:53a

01:10:54separation

01:10:54agreement

01:10:55locked

01:10:55at

01:10:56the

01:10:56bottom

01:10:56of

01:10:56a

01:10:56trunk.

01:10:59In

01:11:00the

01:11:00afternoon,

01:11:01an

01:11:01elderly

01:11:02woman

01:11:02from

01:11:03Virginia

01:11:03brought

01:11:04her

01:11:04grandson,

01:11:05who

01:11:06had a

01:11:06fractured

01:11:06finger,

01:11:07into

01:11:07Flinnick.

01:11:09I

01:11:10retrieved

01:11:10splints

01:11:11from the

01:11:11old

01:11:11medical

01:11:11bag

01:11:12that

01:11:12had

01:11:13accompanied

01:11:13me

01:11:13for

01:11:1350

01:11:14years.

01:11:16As

01:11:17I

01:11:17gently

01:11:18held

01:11:18the

01:11:18boy's

01:11:18tender

01:11:19fingers,

01:11:19Owen

01:11:20naturally

01:11:21handed

01:11:21me

01:11:21a

01:11:22finely

01:11:22shaved

01:11:22wooden

01:11:23splint.

01:11:24The

01:11:24moment

01:11:24he

01:11:25leaned

01:11:25in,

01:11:25his

01:11:26shoulder

01:11:26was

01:11:27as

01:11:27steady

01:11:27and

01:11:28reassuring

01:11:28as

01:11:29it

01:11:29always

01:11:30had

01:11:30been.

01:11:32Fate

01:11:33had once

01:11:33forced me

01:11:34to stand

01:11:35barefoot

01:11:35on freezing

01:11:36gravel,

01:11:37bleeding

01:11:38until I

01:11:38grew numb.

01:11:39But now,

01:11:40these hands

01:11:41no longer

01:11:42needed to

01:11:43grip cold

01:11:43revolvers.

01:11:45Instead,

01:11:46under the

01:11:46warm afternoon

01:11:47sun,

01:11:48they gently

01:11:49smoothed away

01:11:50a child's

01:11:50pain.

01:11:51Before

01:11:51leaving,

01:11:52the old

01:11:52woman left

01:11:53two freshly

01:11:53picked oranges

01:11:54on the

01:11:54table.

01:11:55The crisp

01:11:56fragrance

01:11:57instantly filled

01:11:57the small

01:11:58clinic,

01:11:59smelling

01:11:59remarkably

01:12:00like the

01:12:00orange

01:12:00conservatory

01:12:01back at

01:12:01the Ashford

01:12:02plantation,

01:12:03a place

01:12:04that could

01:12:04never be

01:12:04returned to.

01:12:12Looking at

01:12:13the oranges,

01:12:14I suddenly

01:12:15let out a

01:12:15soft laugh

01:12:16with no

01:12:17bitterness

01:12:17left in

01:12:18my heart.

01:12:21What are you

01:12:22laughing at,

01:12:22Mrs. Hartwell?

01:12:24I am laughing

01:12:25at the two

01:12:25of us,

01:12:26a pair of

01:12:26old folks

01:12:27who are

01:12:28supposed to

01:12:28be retired.

01:12:30Tonight,

01:12:31I think I

01:12:32would like to

01:12:33use these two

01:12:33oranges to

01:12:34brew a hot

01:12:34pot of tea

01:12:35with cinnamon.

01:12:37Owen bowed

01:12:37slightly to me

01:12:38like a devout

01:12:39gentleman.

01:12:41It would be

01:12:42my honor,

01:12:42Eleanor.

01:12:45As long

01:12:46as it is

01:12:46your prescription,

01:12:47I have never

01:12:48intended to

01:12:49refuse it

01:12:49in my entire

01:12:50life.

01:12:51The twilight

01:12:52of Washington

01:12:53began to

01:12:54fall,

01:12:54and the

01:12:54first batch

01:12:55of lonely

01:12:56yet brilliant

01:12:56stars rose

01:12:57in the

01:12:57clean night

01:12:58sky.

01:12:59We stood

01:13:00side by

01:13:00side beneath

01:13:01the sign

01:13:01of our new

01:13:02clinic,

01:13:03watching the

01:13:03city lights

01:13:04flicker on

01:13:05one by one.

01:13:06This road

01:13:07had been long

01:13:07and slow,

01:13:08filled with

01:13:09hardships and

01:13:09blood.

01:13:10But at

01:13:11the end

01:13:11of this

01:13:11world,

01:13:12our tomorrow

01:13:12still waited

01:13:13for us,

01:13:14on the

01:13:14sun-dank

01:13:15streets ahead,

01:13:16waiting for

01:13:17us to finish

01:13:18walking it

01:13:18hand-in-hand.

01:13:19next day.

01:13:23Let's go.

01:13:27Let's go.

01:13:28Let's go.

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