00:00Is your life going smoothly?
00:02Are you just floating from event to event
00:05feeling good about yourself?
00:07Because I'm not.
00:09These are technically the areas of my life
00:12that make me feel like something's wrong with me.
00:15So I get a pitbull named Keith
00:18and everybody told me
00:20Keith's going to be your best friend.
00:21And I gotta say
00:22maybe my ninth best friend.
00:27Most interactions I have
00:29feel like when you go to throw something away
00:30and it's in one of those garbage cans
00:32it's got like a garbage hole
00:34a recycling hole
00:35and a compost hole
00:36and you do your best
00:37but afterward you're like
00:38I don't think I did that right.
00:41Never been married.
00:43I don't think I can guarantee
00:44a woman's emotional safety.
00:46Pretty accessible comedy show, huh folks?
00:49Something really is wrong with you, dude.
00:51I don't think weed works on me.
00:53They sponsored comedy shows
00:55that I get like, you know,
00:56bags and vapes and pipes.
00:58I have so much weed at my house
00:59that I cannot use.
01:00I basically become one of those old ladies
01:02with a lemon tree in her backyard.
01:03I'm like, take some weed,
01:04take some weed.
01:07Would you ever ask married people
01:08how it is?
01:09Women sound like a politician
01:11ducking a hot button issue.
01:12Hey Lisa, how are things with you and Mike?
01:14And she's like,
01:14kids are great.
01:18Guys sound like they're reading
01:19a hostage letter.
01:21They're like, hey Mike,
01:21how are things with you and Lisa?
01:22And he's like,
01:23hello.
01:25I am happy.
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