- 1 hour ago
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00:00So, baby, what do you want to watch on TV?
00:02Ooh, Marvin, can we watch my new favorite show?
00:04It's called Wife Switch.
00:05Wife Switch? What happens on Wife Switch?
00:07It's a show where people switch wives for about a week.
00:10So married couples switch wives?
00:11Mm-hmm.
00:12Do they do the normal things that normal married couples do?
00:14Like what?
00:15Anal.
00:16Jackie, what are you doing?
00:17Well, I wanted to come by and tell you that the Bintendo Swap 2 came out today,
00:20and I wanted to see where it was.
00:21What's a Bintendo Swap 2?
00:23It's a game console that you told me you'd buy for me six months ago.
00:26I didn't tell you I'd buy you a game console six months ago.
00:28Yes, you did. It's $500.
00:30$500. Now, I know you're lying, because I did not agree to buy you something for $500.
00:33Well, I have video proof right here, and it'll hold up in court.
00:40Oh, sorry, wrong video.
00:49Here we go.
00:50Guys, or Rebecca, I'll watch my phone for the Bintendo Swap 2.
00:53She wishes.
00:54Hey, guys. Hey, guys.
00:56Get back to the camera with this.
00:57What?
00:58Can you get back to the Bintendo Swap 2?
01:00What even is that?
01:01It's a game console.
01:03No.
01:03Why?
01:04Because you have plenty of game console.
01:06Why?
01:06I don't know, because you have a lot.
01:08Why?
01:09I don't know, because you have a lot.
01:10Okay, how much is this new one?
01:11I don't know.
01:12$500? We don't have that kind of money.
01:14Why?
01:15I don't have money.
01:16Why?
01:17Because I don't know, Jeffy.
01:19It's not that long.
01:20It comes down in six months.
01:22Fashion Pink.
01:25Biosher.
01:27Chupum Chup.
01:28Chupum Chup.
01:29Chupum Chup.
01:29So suck it!
01:30Pooke right there, daddy!
01:32You can suck on these chimbleballs!
01:35I don't remember that happening at all.
01:37But Marvin, there's video evidence.
01:39I guess there is.
01:41I guess I did promise it, huh?
01:43So did you pre-order it or not?
01:44Because if you didn't, that would make you a liar.
01:47A liar, liar, panties on fire.
01:50Um, uh, I, uh, yeah.
01:51Marvin, I hope you pre-ordered it.
01:53Otherwise, you'd be very mean.
01:55And I'd be very disappointed in you.
01:57And I'd be dry as the Sahara Desert down there.
01:59Ooh, daddy, I'm getting a little.
02:02I did pre-order it.
02:03Oh, that.
02:04Oh, that thing.
02:05That.
02:05I do remember agreeing six months ago.
02:07And I did pre-order it.
02:08It's just so long ago.
02:08I forgot that I spent that $500 then.
02:11It's at Target.
02:11And I've got to go pick it up right now.
02:13Daddy, go get it.
02:14I'm going to get it.
02:15Pish and P.
02:15You owe me Nunu.
02:16Okay, where is it?
02:17Where is the Bintendo Swap 2?
02:18Okay, they've got to have one in here somewhere.
02:20They've got to have one in here.
02:21Ooh, there's a flyer.
02:22Bintendo Swap 2, $500.
02:24Hey, sir, can I help you find something?
02:25Oh, yes, I need a Bintendo Swap 2, the thing on this flyer.
02:27Oh, you mean the thing that just came out that's sold out literally all over the world?
02:30Yes, that.
02:31Do you have one?
02:31No, we're sold out.
02:32What, sold out?
02:32You've got to have $500.
02:34You've got to have more.
02:34Yeah, you saw the flyer, huh?
02:36Do you like it?
02:36I actually photoshopped that myself.
02:38See that $500?
02:39Isn't that cool?
02:39It's all, like, comic book-y.
02:40That took me, like, 30 minutes.
02:42Oh, okay, but please, sir, you've got to have one in the back or somewhere.
02:44Come on.
02:44No, sir, if you read the flyer, it says we have a limited supply.
02:46That says you have a limite supply.
02:49A limite?
02:50Did I say I made this?
02:52Because I didn't.
02:52It was actually one of my coworkers who is illiterate, and that's why it's spelled wrong.
02:57He's going to be in big trouble for that.
02:58But honestly, it's an honest mistake that anybody would have made, you know?
03:01Because, I mean, I'm sure he was working so hard making that $500, he didn't notice his spelling error.
03:05So, do you have any of these, please?
03:07No, I don't.
03:08See, because if you look at the second line, it says first come, first serve.
03:10And the first two words of that is what I do with my wife in bed.
03:13Always first.
03:14Oh, come on, please.
03:14You've got to have one.
03:15You work here.
03:15You've got to have, like, a connection to someone.
03:17No, I don't have any, okay?
03:18Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go correct a spelling mistake on behalf of my coworker, who is
03:22not me.
03:23Oh, my God.
03:25Oh, man, I can't believe they didn't have any Nintendo swap twos.
03:27Jeff, he's going to be so mad at me.
03:29Hopefully he'll accept this PlayStation portal.
03:31Hey there.
03:32Hey.
03:32What you got there?
03:33A PlayStation portal.
03:34Oh, nice, nice.
03:35It's not what I wanted, though.
03:37Oh, yeah?
03:37What'd you want?
03:38A Nintendo swap two.
03:39Oh, yeah.
03:39They're sold out everywhere.
03:40It's impossible to get one of those.
03:42It'd be real convenient if you knew somebody who knew how to get one.
03:45Yeah, it would.
03:46Yeah.
03:46Do you know someone that can get me one?
03:48No.
03:48Do you?
03:49What, no?
03:49Oh, well, sorry for wasting your time.
03:51Have a nice night.
03:51Wait, hey, no, get back here!
03:53What's up?
03:53I thought you were going to say you knew someone that could get me one, or you were going to
03:55charge me, like,
03:56double the price.
03:57What?
03:57No, that'd be illegal.
03:58I'm not going to do that.
03:58I thought maybe you had one, but then I saw this, and I realized you didn't, which is too
04:01bad.
04:02I was willing to pay you, too, because I promised my son I'd get him one, so I'm getting pretty
04:05desperate.
04:05I promised my son I'd get him one, and they're sold out everywhere.
04:07Oh, hey, same boat.
04:08I mean, I don't really go on boats because I'm a dolphin, but, you know.
04:11So you can't get me one?
04:12You don't know any secret way to get one?
04:13No, sorry.
04:14I wish I could help, but, hey, if you find one, let me know.
04:16Why would I let you know if I find one?
04:17I'm keeping it for myself.
04:18Oh, yeah?
04:18No, I'm keeping it for myself if I find one, too.
04:20I'll bet I find one first.
04:22Oh, goddammit, stupid dolphin.
04:24Mother, do you think father is lying?
04:26He usually does.
04:27Tuz.
04:28All right, Jeffy, here's that game system you wanted.
04:30What else?
04:31There's the game system you asked for.
04:32What the frick?
04:33What the frickin' frick is this, Daddy?
04:36It's the Bintendo Swap 2.
04:37I asked the worker, and this is what he gave me six months ago when I pre-ordered it.
04:40This is not the Bintendo Swap 2.
04:43It says PlayStation, not Bintendo.
04:45Well, maybe it's better.
04:46Look, it has everything you want on it.
04:47No, Daddy, this thing sucks, and I'll tell you why it sucks while I open it.
04:51So, first of all, this is a PlayStation portal, which means you can't download games on it.
04:56It's only a streaming device to your actual PlayStation.
05:00So, you can't download anything, and you have to have your Wi-Fi connected to your PlayStation
05:05and the Wi-Fi connected to this thing.
05:07So, if you're poor and you don't have Wi-Fi, you're screwed.
05:10So, you want me to show you how this thing is really useful in some ways?
05:14What?
05:14What?
05:14I can show you the only good use for this thing.
05:17You want to see it?
05:18Yes.
05:19All right, come on.
05:20If you're going to break it, you don't do that.
05:21The only thing this thing is good for is getting hit with an X.
05:24No, no, no, no, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, listen.
05:26Listen, if you're going to break it, let me return and get my $230 back.
05:29Wait a minute.
05:30So, you knew that the thing I wanted was $500, and yet you spent $230 on the wrong thing?
05:36Well, no, this is what the guy sold me when I asked for the Bintendo Swap thing.
05:39Well, then you deserve to lose $230 for a line.
05:42What?
05:43Oh, it better not be broken.
05:46Oh, Jimmy, you cracked the screen.
05:49Okay, it's not so bad.
05:50Do you think if I put it back in the box, they won't notice it?
05:52Now they will.
05:53Oh, Jimmy, you frickhead.
05:55It was an accident.
05:57Get it, Daddy?
05:58An ax-a-dent?
06:00Oh, you.
06:01Okay, what is that?
06:02How many accidents was that?
06:03You piece of throw you.
06:05Oh, I want to say so many.
06:06It's going to be 230 accidents.
06:09Oh, oh, oh, oh, you, you, oh, you better knock that off.
06:14Type that in the box.
06:16Ugh.
06:16Marvin, what happened to it?
06:18Jeffy hit it with an ax.
06:19No, I didn't.
06:20Yes, you did.
06:20I'm sure it was an accident.
06:22Oh, it sure was, Mommy.
06:23It was an ax and a lot of dents.
06:25Jeffy, why would you break this?
06:26I had to waste the $230.
06:27I could have got my money back and used it to have the real Bintendo Swap 2.
06:30Daddy, you want to know what I think happened?
06:31Marvin, I think you didn't order me to Bintendo Swap 2, and then you panicked and went down
06:36to the store and bought me this bullshit.
06:38Yep, Marvin, it does look like bullshit.
06:40Yeah, it is, because you can't download shit on this thing.
06:42All right, everyone, stop throwing around the S word.
06:44You keep saying it.
06:45You said it too many times.
06:45Shish kebab.
06:47Shashank Redemption.
06:48Chicago!
06:50You're out of here.
06:51Go on.
06:52Go.
06:52Get.
06:53Go get me the right thing.
06:54Jeffy, look, I'm going to have to try to return this thing and beg for my money back.
06:57Hopefully the Target employee doesn't look for it and then ask if it's broken.
07:00Marvin, just admit it that you didn't pre-order it.
07:02I did pre-order it, and you know what?
07:03I'm going to bring the employee here, and he can admit to you guys that I did buy it,
07:07so you're not the Sahara Desert, and you can believe me, because you guys don't believe
07:10me.
07:10You guys think I'm a liar.
07:11Oh, daddy's going to get you a muu-nu.
07:13Yeah, I'm going to get that muu-nu.
07:14Oh, he's going to get it too.
07:15I'm going to get the employee here, and he's going to tell you guys that I really bought
07:18it, and he sold me the wrong thing, and it's all his fault, so let me go get him.
07:20Go, go, go.
07:22Hey, Boynie, how was your day at work?
07:24I don't want to talk about it, Karen.
07:30Oh, boynie, did you accidentally say, hi, welcome to Walmart?
07:34No.
07:34Well, did you put alcohol in the Kool-Aid section again?
07:37No, I made a spelling mistake.
07:38I was supposed to put limited supply on the flyer, and instead I put limeade supply.
07:42Oh, what's limeade, Boynie?
07:44Oh, oh, is it like limeade, which is like lemonade, but with limes?
07:47I love limeade.
07:49Oh, God, no.
07:50$500 is a lot for limeade, Boynie.
07:53Oh, my flyer is so confusing.
07:54It really is, Boynie.
07:56Like, why did you do comic book style for the 500, and then look, you put Target in lowercase
08:01letters, but on your shirt, it's all othercase.
08:03All right, that's it.
08:04I've written off the logo.
08:05I don't work at Target anymore.
08:09Oh, I'm sorry, Boynie.
08:11Where are you going to work now?
08:12I don't know.
08:13Are you going to work at Walmart?
08:15What, and be a receipt checker?
08:16No way.
08:17Nobody wants to be a receipt checker.
08:19Who in kindergarten is like, hey, Timmy, what do you want to be when you grow up?
08:22Oh, I want to be a receipt checker.
08:23I want to make sure people don't steal from a megacorporation.
08:26That's what I want to do with my life.
08:28Oh, someone's at the door, Karen.
08:30Maybe I can practice.
08:31Maybe they have a receipt I can check.
08:33And, Karen, even if I do become a receipt checker and I catch someone stealing, I'm not
08:36allowed to tackle them.
08:37What am I supposed to do?
08:38Shame them?
08:39Do I just shake my fist at them and go, ooh, you shoplifters, I'll get you next time?
08:44Hey, you're the guy from Target, right?
08:46No, I'm not Alex from Target.
08:48Why does everybody keep asking me that?
08:49He lives two doors down.
08:51He's like a model or something now.
08:52Hey, ask him about Ellen.
08:53He loves to tell that story.
08:54No, you're the guy I met at Target today with the typo.
08:56Oh, is that all I am now?
08:58Typo guy?
08:58No, I'm never going to get on Ellen.
09:00I bet Alex didn't make typos.
09:01The only talk show I could get on is Montel Williams.
09:04Is he even on?
09:05I don't know.
09:06I don't watch daytime TV.
09:07Listen, I bought a PlayStation today from Target and I would like to return it.
09:10Okay, then take it to the store tomorrow.
09:12They're closed right now.
09:13I know, but I know you work there and I was wondering if you could like just take it from
09:16me and you give me the money for it.
09:18Well, I quit Target and that doesn't even make sense what you want to do because I'm not
09:21Target.
09:21Okay, listen, just screw everything I just said.
09:23I will give you 50 bucks.
09:25I'm not going to piss on you.
09:26I'm so tired of doing that to people I meet at Target.
09:28What?
09:29They go through the checkout line.
09:30There's like, hey, here's 50 bucks.
09:32Piss on me, please.
09:33I'm like, okay, why not?
09:34Well, I'm not doing it anymore.
09:35I'm changing my ways.
09:36I was going to say I'll give you 50 bucks if you can lie to my wife.
09:40and son and tell him that I pre-ordered a Bintendo Swap 2 from you and you lost it.
09:43Wait, you want me to lie for money?
09:45Yeah, I want you to say that you messed up the entire order and gave me the wrong thing.
09:49Sir, I may piss on people, but a liar I am not.
09:52Well, you've lied before.
09:53You're right.
09:53That was a lie too.
09:54Come on, let's do it.
09:55Hold on.
09:55I got to get my sticker.
09:56Your sticker.
09:57All right, guys.
09:58Here's the Target employee that I pre-ordered my Bintendo Swap 2 from and he screwed me over.
10:03Tell him.
10:03Oh, well, I don't really know what he's talking about until I get my 50.
10:08Keep going.
10:09Oh, yeah, that's right.
10:10Yeah, everything he just said is absolutely true.
10:12So my father, six months ago, pre-ordered a Bintendo Swap 2 from you.
10:17Oh, yeah.
10:18He was the first in line.
10:19I've never seen a father so dedicated to getting something for his son.
10:22So if he was first in line, why did he end up with the Sony port?
10:26Oh, that's a really good question.
10:28You know, my memory's a little foggy.
10:29I think maybe my friend Ulysses S. Grant could help remind me.
10:33Who?
10:33He's on the 50.
10:35Okay.
10:35He's right there asking.
10:36Well, I think he needs his twin brother because he's looking kind of sad.
10:39Oh, God.
10:41Oh, yeah, that's right.
10:42Yeah, no, he totally, he totally did order one.
10:44See, the problem is I oversold the Swap 2, so, you know, we were all out.
10:49And so I just, I tried to pull a fast one and give you dad this.
10:52Yeah, yeah.
10:52See, he's an asshole.
10:53I am.
10:54Wait, so can you get him a real one then?
10:56Oh, no, no, no.
10:57They're sold out all over the world.
10:59Okay, well, then how long until I get mine?
11:01I don't know, a couple months?
11:02A couple months?
11:03I want it now!
11:05If I don't get the Nintendo Swap 2, I'm going to pull my pants down and rub my stink hole
11:10across the couch until it leaves a stink.
11:12And Marvin, no Nunu until Jeffy gets what he wants.
11:15What, no Nunu?
11:16Ooh, Marvin, no Nunu and stink hole couch?
11:19Ooh, you better find one.
11:20Where am I going to find one?
11:21How am I going to find one?
11:22Well, it's not like one's just going to show up at your front door.
11:26What could that be?
11:27Well, let me answer it.
11:29Can you come with me?
11:29Sure.
11:30Hello?
11:31Hey, guess who got a Nintendo Swap 2?
11:33What?
11:33How?
11:33I went all the way to the other side of town to a different target.
11:37Oh, we should go there.
11:38Nope, because I got the last one in town forever.
11:40They said they're never going to have another one in our region ever again.
11:43Oh, come on, man.
11:44How much?
11:44I'll pay you anything for it.
11:45You can't pay me for this.
11:46This is for my kid.
11:47Daddy, I want that!
11:49Or a stink hole couch!
11:50Marvin, you got to let him bitch you like that?
11:52Wait, why would you bring it here if you're not going to sell it to me?
11:54Just to brag.
11:55You know what?
11:56He's a dolphin.
11:56We can take him.
11:57Come on, guys.
12:00I got him to choke hold.
12:01I got him to choke hold.
12:03Mommy, mommy, mommy.
12:04Daddy got me a Nintendo Swap 2.
12:06Marvin, it's like Niagara Falls.
12:08Ooh, daddy gonna get that wet, Lulu.
12:10Marvin, for beating up a dolphin, I think I've earned another Ulysses S. Grant.
12:13I don't have any more fifties.
12:15Okay, well, what about a Benjamin?
12:16Or maybe an Andrew Jackson?
12:17Or an Alexander Hamilton?
12:18Abraham Lincoln's on the five.
12:19I don't have any more money.
12:21Come on, Marvin, give me something.
12:22I really don't want to be a receipt checker at Walmart.
12:24I've given you too much money today.
12:25Okay, you know what, Marvin?
12:26If you don't give me any more money, that Nintendo Swap 2 is going to have a little accident.
12:30You've made that joke three times.
12:31Oh, man, no, I'm never going to be on Ellen.
12:35How about this?
12:35How about this?
12:36If you can return this to Target and get my full money back, we can split the money.
12:39Really?
12:40Yeah, as long as you get the money back.
12:41Okay, well, let me just make sure it's all in peace.
12:43No, no, no, no.
12:44No, no, no.
12:46No, no, no, no.
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