- 17 minutes ago
Chasing The Girl He Did Englishsub Fullfilm
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Short filmTranscript
00:00The summer I turned 18, Asher made me cross a line I could never take back.
00:04I bit my lip through the ache, glowing secretly all night,
00:08convinced that six long years of loving him from a distance had finally, finally paid off.
00:13Then the next morning, I heard his friend laughing outside the classroom door.
00:16Okay, okay. Got the nerd to give it up, huh?
00:20My face burned, and I turned to slip away before anyone saw me.
00:23I'm trying to get with Chloe, but she'd think I was too inexperienced.
00:27So I'll use Stella to get some practice in first.
00:30I didn't say a single word.
00:31I just quietly changed my college application from NYU to a school thousand miles away in California.
00:37His words hit me like a thunderclap out of a cloudless summer sky.
00:41No warning at all.
00:42My mind went completely blank.
00:44It was a scorching July afternoon, but I felt like ice was spreading through every inch of my body.
00:49The guys inside kept talking, pausing only for a half second before someone else piped up.
00:55Classic Ashen, even Stella was just a warm-up for him.
00:58Everyone knows how hard it is to get into her pants.
01:03So what does that make her? Like, a practice dully?
01:08Asher just laughed it off.
01:11Relax. She got something out of it, too.
01:13I mean, Stella's cute and all, but compared to Chloe, yeah, no contest.
01:17Right.
01:18Asher threw a textbook at him to shut him up.
01:21It was just a vibe, okay? The moment happened, and honestly, she seemed like she was enjoying herself.
01:27The guys all exchanged knowing looks and started roasting him.
01:30Who knew the book bird was that freaky under all those cardigans?
01:34Bro, Asher's just built different. Why leave free food on the table, right?
01:38She's been chasing him for years. Technically, she got what she wanted.
01:42The laughter inside the room got noticeably louder.
01:45I pressed my teeth into my lower lip so hard I tasted copper.
01:48Both hands balled into white-knuckled fists.
01:51It took every single ounce of willpower I had to stay upright, to not just crumple right there in the
01:56doorway.
01:56Footsteps echoed down the hall toward me.
01:58I snapped back to reality and bolted, shoving my way blindly through the corridor.
02:03In my panic, I threw myself into the nearest bathroom stall and locked the door behind me.
02:12The tears came like a dam breaking, grief and humiliation pouring out all at once.
02:17Asher's words played on a loop inside my head.
02:20Every single syllable.
02:21They shredded what little self-worth I had left.
02:24If I hadn't heard it with my own ears, I never could have believed that the guy talking in there
02:28was the same one who had held me like I was something precious just last night.
02:33Turns out, you don't actually need to love someone to do that with them.
02:36Turns out, you can look a girl dead in the eyes, make her feel everything, and still be lying through
02:41every single second of it.
02:43The thing I thought was my happily ever after was just a punchline someone else got to laugh at.
02:48The more I cried, the worse it got.
02:50I couldn't make a sound.
02:52My whole body was shaking so hard I could barely breathe.
02:55A long time passed.
02:57My phone buzzed.
02:58It was Asher.
02:59Just grab an Uber back.
03:00My cruise got a party tonight, and it'd be awkward to bring you.
03:03I didn't reply.
03:04He's gonna follow up.
03:05Also, pick up a warning after pill yourself.
03:08I'm busy today.
03:09Don't forget to take it.
03:10Good girl.
03:11I stared at those two texts for a very, very long time without moving.
03:15From dusk until nearly sunrise, Asher had been relentless, like he had a feeling for me.
03:20By the end, he was waiting for me to wrap it up.
03:23Right before he dripped it off, his arms were up.
03:25He murmured the same thing twice.
03:28I heard for the first time, I took the pill first thing one morning.
03:35He'd even given me this little lecture about how he was able to take care of themselves.
03:40Said the morning after pill was really important, and that skipping it could mess up my body.
03:44And I had actually thought, this is it.
03:47He's the one.
03:48He's being so responsible.
03:49I finally got my purse out of me.
03:51And now, the clarity hit me like a slap.
03:54I dug my nails into my own palm until the pain forced the tears to stop.
03:59I wiped my face, straightened my glasses, and walked out of that bathroom like nothing had happened.
04:04I was too embarrassed to go to a real pharmacy, so I ordered the pill online instead.
04:09But the delivery guy left the package at my door.
04:11I waited another long stretch, or I couldn't even bring myself to go get it.
04:15I swallowed it with a mouthful of my own tears, and then I just sat down on the floor, staring
04:20at nothing, completely empty.
04:25Ever since Asher's family had moved next door to mine, I trailed out the world of Shadows.
04:30That had been ten years of my life.
04:32I had genuinely never stopped to think about what a world without him would even look like.
04:37I couldn't picture it.
04:38But starting right now, I was going to have to figure it out alone.
04:42Outside the floor-to-ceiling window, the neighborhood lights blinked on, one by one, and then off again.
04:48At some point, I really didn't know how long I'd been sitting there.
04:51Mia called me on FaceTime.
04:56Stella, why didn't you come to the party tonight with Ashler?
04:59That girl Chloe from the AP track is here, by the way.
05:02She has been all over him since you did the show.
05:04It's actually disgusting.
05:05In the dark corner of the VIP booth, Asher and Chloe were sitting so close together, their thighs were touching.
05:12Chloe had worn a crop top and a curve-hugging mini skirt.
05:15Long tan legs, tiny waist.
05:17Even the way they were talking looked more like whispering secrets than having a conversation.
05:22I could feel the charged energy between them through the screen.
05:25Something in my chest locked up.
05:27He'd only said he wanted to chase her this afternoon.
05:30And apparently, tonight was all the time he needed.
05:33The game switched to truth or dare.
05:35And Chloe drew a card that said...
05:39Do a push-up challenge with a guy hovering over me.
05:44Predictably, Asher went upstairs before anyone else could open their mouth.
05:48Chloe blushed bright pink and lay back against the couch cushions.
05:52Asher planted his hands on either side of her.
05:54He was controlled the whole time, deliberately keeping his body from making contact with hers.
05:59Until the very last one.
06:01His arms gave out, and his entire weight came down directly on top of her.
06:06The room erupted.
06:07Everyone screaming so loud, the walls practically shook.
06:10Asher's and Chloe's faces went even redder.
06:13With the whole crowd going absolutely feral around them, Asher just tilted his head down and kissed her.
06:19Not a quick peck.
06:20A full, deep, for the whole room to see kiss.
06:23Three full minutes before they finally pulled apart.
06:26For all three of those minutes, I sat completely frozen.
06:29Eyes locked on the screen, barely remembering to breathe.
06:32I wanted to cry so badly.
06:35Oh my god, Stella, did you see that?
06:38He literally kissed her in front of everyone.
06:41He is so into her.
06:43Mia shook her head and stepped out of the booth, turning the camera as she went.
06:47Don't be mad at me.
06:48If I hadn't shown you, you never would have let yourself move on.
06:51I'm not mad at you.
06:53I'm only mad at myself for wasting so many years.
06:56I had always assumed that the spot beside Asher was mine.
06:59That it would always be mine.
07:01I am so done with him, Stella.
07:03Who does he think he is?
07:04Watching you love him for years, acting all innocent like he had no idea,
07:07just letting you fall deeper and deeper?
07:09You saw what I showed you.
07:10I'm not giving myself the chance.
07:13Mia, I've already decided I'm going to California with you.
07:16But you have to promise me you'll keep it quiet for now.
07:19Right after I said it, I flipped open my laptop right in front of her.
07:23Without a single second of hesitation, I changed my first choice school to the one in California.
07:28One minute before the deadline.
07:30Mia basically levitated off the ground.
07:33She'd been begging me for months to apply to the same school as her.
07:36But back when we started high school, Asher and I had made this pact.
07:40We'd work hard together and go to his dream school up in Boston after graduation.
07:44It had his aerospace engineering program, the one he'd been obsessed with since we were kids.
07:49So even though I didn't particularly love the idea of brutal winters,
07:53and even though that school was a technical institute that didn't even have my major,
07:57I'd spent three years treating it like my only option.
08:00Our families had lived next door to each other for so long
08:03that both sets of parents thought it was basically a done deal we'd end up at the same school.
08:07Everyone, including me, assumed Asher and I would just naturally become official once we got to college.
08:13But right now, I couldn't think of a single reason to still go to Boston.
08:17Because honestly, after today, if I kept following Asher around the way I always had,
08:22I would never be able to look myself in the mirror again.
08:25I just needed to go somewhere far away.
08:27It didn't even matter where, as long as he wasn't there.
08:30He was going east, so I was going west.
08:33Before bed, I filled the entire bathtub.
08:36I needed to scrub every inch of myself clean.
08:39But when I took off my clothes, the bruises on my skin were still so vivid, it made me flinch.
08:45The memories from last night rushed back before I could stop them.
08:48The burning heat of his skin pressed against mine.
08:52The sound of his breath ragged and warm against my ear.
08:55The ghost of it all still seemed to linger in the air around me.
08:59I shook my head hard, physically trying to shake myself free of it.
09:02Then, I grabbed the roughest loofah I owned and scrubbed myself raw, over and over,
09:08until my whole body was flushed pink and stinging.
09:11I was trying, clumsily, desperately, to erase what was officially the worst night of my entire life.
09:18The result was that the pain kept me awake the whole night anyway.
09:22Asher didn't text.
09:23For the first time in six years, ever since we both got phones, we didn't say goodnight to each other.
09:29That was fine.
09:29It was going to happen eventually anyway.
09:32Tonight was as good a time as any to start letting go.
09:35I didn't fall asleep until just before sunrise, drifting in and out of exhaustion.
09:39Early the next morning, while I was still buried in sleep,
09:43I felt, in that foggy space between dream and awake,
09:46the soft press of lips against my forehead.
09:49I jolted awake.
09:50The first thing my eyes landed on was a jaw I knew too well,
09:54and the soft dip of a throat right above me.
09:56The scent hit me next. Cedarwood. That cologne he always wore.
10:00And underneath it, the faintest trace of something new.
10:03Something citrusy that wasn't his.
10:06Right.
10:06I'd completely forgotten that Asher still knew my front door code.
10:10Seeing me awake, he shifted lower and tilted his face down toward my lips.
10:14I shoved him back with both hands and scrambled to the far edge of the bed.
10:18He blinked, then let out a short laugh like I'd surprised him.
10:23Since when are you shy?
10:25I didn't answer.
10:26I just yanked the blanket over my head and disappeared under it.
10:29Asher started talking.
10:33Stella, seriously.
10:34You didn't say goodnight, you turned your phone off,
10:37and now you're hiding under a blanket?
10:39Still avoiding me?
10:40Then he just lifted the blanket and slid himself right in.
10:46Hey, how many times have I told you, you can't skip breakfast?
10:50I ran half a mile to get you those croissants from your favorite place,
10:53and it stood in line forever.
10:55Wanna get up and eat now?
10:57Or get eaten?
11:01Reality crashed back in, and I fought like my life depended on it.
11:05But I'm 5'2 in sneakers, and Asher is literally 6'2 of solid muscle.
11:10I honestly could not figure out what game he was playing.
11:13He had Chloe now, so what was he even doing in my bed?
11:16I tried to push him away, only to be held even tighter.
11:20Let go of me!
11:21After what felt like forever of thrashing around,
11:24I was panting and had accomplished nothing except being held even tighter.
11:28What's the tantrum about?
11:31You're mad because I didn't bring you to the party last night?
11:33Over something that small?
11:35I said nothing.
11:36He buried his face in the curve of my neck and actually laughed.
11:40Let me guess.
11:41Mia told you something?
11:42It was a party game, Stella.
11:44Is it really worth getting jealous over?
11:47You're doing that thing you always do.
11:49I get slightly close to another girl, and you go all silent and sulky.
11:54I was so furious, I couldn't even form a sentence.
11:57I dredged up something from a self-defense unit in gym class,
12:00snapped my knee up hard between us,
12:02and the second he doubled over, I launched myself out of that bed.
12:05Stella.
12:06Asher's jaw went tight, his whole face going red.
12:09I grabbed a hoodie off the floor and yanked it on over my pajamas.
12:13I did not want to be in any room with him,
12:16and especially not my bedroom.
12:28Hey, you took that pill yesterday, right?
12:30Because I really don't need that kind of drama,
12:31and I definitely don't want to have that conversation with your parents.
12:42Come on, be reasonable.
12:44Eat something before you pick a fight.
12:49You know your stomach's sensitive.
12:59What is actually going on?
13:01Stella, even a tantrum needs a reason.
13:03There have to be some limits here.
13:06I kept my voice ice cold and set it flat.
13:08I don't deserve to have any say.
13:11Asher snapped.
13:12He slammed the cup down on the coffee table so hard it cracked.
13:16The plastic split and the smoothie spilled out in a wave, soaking into the rug.
13:20What is that supposed to mean?
13:23Who do you think you are, Stella?
13:26Who do you think you are?
13:30We slept together once.
13:31It was consensual.
13:33And now you think you own me?
13:35Do you know how suffocating that is?
13:38His voice had a viciousness to it I had never heard before.
13:42The second he finished speaking, my eyes flooded.
13:44No warning.
13:45No buildup.
13:46Just instant tears.
13:48Yesterday's humiliation came crashing back, hitting me all over again like a fresh wound.
13:53Asher clearly hadn't expected me to cry this hard this fast.
13:56He looked genuinely thrown, scrambling for what to do.
14:00He crouched down and said he was sorry.
14:02I'm sorry.
14:03I drank too much last night and I was out of line just now.
14:06He reached out to wipe my face, but I twisted away, putting distance between us.
14:10His hand froze in midair, hovering there.
14:13He opened his mouth to keep trying, but his phone buzzed.
14:16He glanced at the screen once.
14:17And his entire expression shifted.
14:19And he stood up and moved toward the door.
14:21I've got something urgent.
14:23Take a minute to calm down.
14:24We're going to college soon.
14:26You can't keep throwing fits like a little kid.
14:29Who's going to put up with that?
14:36He hadn't been gone 30 minutes when Mia sent me a screenshot.
14:40Chloe's Instagram story just said, I'm hungry and breakfast appeared like magic.
14:45Pretty sure this is mutual now, with a little heart.
14:48The photo was of the exact same croissants that were sitting on my kitchen counter.
14:52I didn't respond.
14:53I just quietly wiped my eyes, got on my hands and knees, and started cleaning up the smoothie
14:58Asher had spilled.
14:59I scrubbed for a long time before I accepted, with a hollow feeling in my chest, that the
15:04stain had soaked all the way through the wool rug and wasn't coming out.
15:08So, I just threw the whole rug in the trash.
15:10It didn't matter anyway.
15:12That rug was something Asher and his parents had spent an entire afternoon picking out on
15:16a family trip, and he'd lugged it home in his carry-on himself.
15:20Then, I went through everything else.
15:22Every single thing Asher had ever left at my place.
15:25Every gift he'd given me over the years.
15:27Every photo of the two of us.
15:29Every small souvenir and keepsake.
15:31It took the rest of the day, but I packed every last bit of it up, and threw it all
15:35out.
15:39I doubted he'd want any of it back, anyway.
15:41After he left that day, the silence stretched.
15:44Days went by, and he didn't reach out at all.
15:46Things with Chloe were probably going great.
15:48Or maybe he was waiting for me to be the one who caved first.
15:52In every fight we'd ever had, I was always the one who broke first.
15:55Every single time.
15:57No exceptions.
15:58But this time, I didn't go looking for him, and I didn't have any reason to.
16:02I blocked him on everything.
16:03Texts, all social media, changed my front door code, and deleted every account he might
16:08use to find me.
16:09After that, I called my parents, who were both traveling for work.
16:12I told them I wanted to spend the summer visiting my aunt on the other side of the country.
16:17My plan was to stay there until school started, then head straight to California with Mia
16:21instead of coming home.
16:22Other than Mia, no one else knew yet that I'd changed my application.
16:27This plan should work perfectly.
16:29There was basically zero chance I'd run into Asher if I pulled this off right.
16:32My mom actually laughed over the phone.
16:36Ooh, so you and Ashler are taking a vacation together?
16:40I made up a quick excuse and didn't go into detail.
16:42I just told her I wanted to visit my aunt and grandma.
16:45I begged my dad to book me the first available flight, and I was ready to leave that same night.
16:50Of course, because the universe has no chill, I ran into Asher's mom right at our front door
16:56on my way out.
16:57She grabbed my arm warmly and started chattering.
17:00Stella, honey, where's Asher?
17:02He's not going to pick you up?
17:04Didn't he say he was taking you on that ski trip?
17:07Go have fun.
17:09I am 100% behind you two.
17:12I was confused.
17:14I had mentioned once during senior year that I'd always wanted to try skiing in Colorado,
17:19just offhand.
17:20But given everything that had happened between us, the idea of going on a trip together seemed
17:25completely impossible.
17:26I was running out of time, though, so I said something vague and noncommittal and slipped
17:31away.
17:31What I never expected was that at the airport, I would come face to face with Asher.
17:38He was with a group of friends.
17:40Chloe was there, too.
17:41Asher had her designer bag in one hand and his other arms slung around her shoulder.
17:46They were trailing at the back of the group.
17:48Every so often, Chloe would lean her head toward him to say something, and every single time,
17:53without any hesitation, he would bend down to listen.
17:56He never did that with me.
17:57Asher had always been taller than me, and the gap had only gotten bigger over the years.
18:02When it was the two of us, I was always the one bouncing on my toes, craning my neck up
18:07just to catch his eyes.
18:08Turns out, for the right person, he would be the one who bends.
18:12I breathed in slowly.
18:14I told myself I needed to have some dignity about this.
18:17Whatever he did was none of my business.
18:19If I let myself overthink it, I deserved to be slapped.
18:22But there seemed to be only one path to the gate.
18:25All I could do was stay far enough behind that he wouldn't notice me.
18:29By some miracle, we eventually reached a fork in the terminal where the path split.
18:33Asher seemed to get distracted around that.
18:35He made a bunch of calls, none of which seemed to go through,
18:38and then spent a long time staring at his phone.
18:41Eventually, he borrowed someone else's phone, his face dark and unreadable,
18:45and disappeared into a nearby bathroom.
18:47A moment later, my phone rang.
18:49Unknown number.
18:51So you've got a real attitude on you this time.
18:54You're just not going to come to me first?
18:57You actually blocked me?
18:59Fine. Keep it up.
19:01See how great you do when we're both in Boston,
19:03and you don't know anyone, and there's no one to look out for you.
19:05Asher came out swinging,
19:07rattling off complaints in one long, irritated breath.
19:10I had absolutely nothing to say to any of that,
19:13but Asher seemed to get angrier at my silence.
19:16I'm done talking about this. Just unblock me.
19:19I'm heading out of the country for a couple days with some friends.
19:23Probably won't have great reception.
19:27Don't get all weepy about it.
19:28I couldn't even be bothered to say a single word back.
19:31I hung up and turned my phone off.
19:33From across the terminal,
19:34I watched Asher stalk back to his group,
19:37his expression stormy.
19:38He grabbed Chloe's hand,
19:40didn't hesitate for a second,
19:41and walked toward the left gate.
19:43I let out a long breath,
19:45turned around,
19:46and headed right.
19:48With my family,
19:49I performed happiness,
19:50and honestly,
19:51I got pretty good at it.
19:53I deliberately kept myself slammed with plans,
19:56filling every gap in the day,
19:57so I had no room to spiral.
19:59I definitely didn't add Asher back the way he'd demanded,
20:02but Mia and some others kept me updated on his life anyway.
20:06Asher and his friends had apparently been swimming in Colorado for days.
20:09For some reason,
20:10he was suddenly posting on social media every single day,
20:13which was completely unlike the version of him,
20:16who used to go months without posting anything.
20:18Sometimes,
20:19it was slow motion clips of him carving down the slopes.
20:22Sometimes,
20:22it was food and late night parties,
20:24but mostly,
20:25it was big group shots of everyone clowning around in the snow.
20:28Even though,
20:29I genuinely didn't want to see it.
20:31Somehow,
20:31people kept sending it to me unprompted.
20:33Everyone was very casually curious about why I hadn't gone with Asher.
20:37I didn't know what to say,
20:39so I just told people I had family stuff going on.
20:42Mia was the only one who openly called him a trash human.
20:45Everyone else around me seemed to be constantly stopping themselves from saying something.
20:49I knew,
20:50they'd probably figured out something was wrong.
20:53In every single group photo Asher posted,
20:56he and Chloe were glued together,
20:58inseparable.
20:59But that spot beside him had been mine for years,
21:01just mine.
21:02Every time I saw one of those photos,
21:04my face stayed completely neutral,
21:06but something deep in my chest would clench.
21:08He was the first person I ever fell for,
21:10someone I had genuinely,
21:12completely,
21:13embarrassingly loved for such a long time.
21:15In the middle of the night,
21:17alone,
21:17I would fall apart a little,
21:19and sometimes I felt this stubborn,
21:21stupid feeling that I wasn't ready to let go.
21:23But every time that feeling started rising,
21:26I'd replay his words and give myself a mental slap.
21:29I'd repeat it to myself over and over.
21:31Stella,
21:31don't be pathetic.
21:32That's the fastest way to make yourself even less worth respecting.
21:36Just hold on a little longer.
21:38Once the detox period was over,
21:39everything would be fine.
21:41We went a full month without any contact,
21:43the longest we'd ever gone since the day we met.
21:46Distance and time turned out to be the best medicine.
21:48I ground through the worst of it and came out the other side.
21:51Just when I'd reached the point where I didn't think about him every hour of every day,
21:55he switched to a new number and called me from across the country.
22:01So you're just that bold,
22:03running off without me and staying this long?
22:07Summer's almost over, Stella.
22:10Did you forget you promised to go on a trip with me?
22:12Maybe it was because we'd gone so long without talking,
22:15but underneath all the complaints,
22:17his voice had this edge to it,
22:19almost careful.
22:20I still didn't want to talk to him.
22:22I was about to hang up when his mom snatched the phone.
22:24Stella, sweetheart,
22:26are you having fun out there?
22:28This boy won't tell me anything.
22:30I only just found out you two had a fight.
22:33Don't be too hard on him, honey.
22:35When you come back,
22:37I'll make him apologize to your face.
22:39Oh, and Ashler just got his acceptance letter today.
22:42Yours should come soon, too.
22:44Have you thought about when you'll come home for your going away party?
22:48I've got a little surprise planned.
22:50Asher's mom had been like a second family to me since I was little.
22:54I couldn't bring myself to hang up on her,
22:56so I stayed on and let her talk.
22:57I'm not really planning to have a party.
22:59My parents are always traveling,
23:01and honestly, we can just do a video call thing with family.
23:05I probably won't be back before school starts anyway.
23:07I'll just come home right before move in.
23:09I didn't even finish the sentence before Asher took the phone back.
23:13His breathing was heavy.
23:14I could feel the anger coming through from 3,000 miles away.
23:20Stella, I'm literally the one reaching out first here.
23:23How much longer are you going to keep this up?
23:25If you don't come back, don't expect me to wait for you.
23:28I'll head to Boston without you.
23:30He delivered the threat in this cold, flat voice.
23:34Waited and waited without getting the answer he wanted.
23:37My acceptance letter had already arrived at home.
23:40When they saw the school name on the letter,
23:42my parents finally found out I'd changed my application.
23:45My mom video called me.
23:47Hi, baby.
23:48Why didn't you talk to us before changing your application?
23:51Does Asher know?
23:53His mom called this morning, asking if your letter had come yet.
23:57I had no words.
24:01Baby, how are we supposed to feel okay
24:03about you going all the way to California alone?
24:05Aren't you the kid who's terrified of bugs
24:07and can't handle heat?
24:09You really think you can manage?
24:11Don't call me to come deal with it for you.
24:13That school has a lot to offer
24:15and Mia will be going there too.
24:17You don't have to worry.
24:19Is this about a fight with Asher?
24:22Because that's not a reason
24:23to switch schools across the country.
24:27What if you change your mind in a week
24:28and want him back, then what?
24:30It's hard at your caption.
24:32I just decided to say it straight.
24:36Asher has a girlfriend.
24:37Mom, Dad, I have my own life
24:41and I don't want to just orbit around his forever.
24:44So please support my choice
24:46and please keep it between us for now.
24:49My parents looked at each other
24:51for a long time without speaking.
24:53The only thing they asked
24:55was that I come home sooner rather than later.
24:57School was starting soon
24:59and they wanted time with me.
25:00My mom mentioned that Asher had gone off
25:02on another trip with friends
25:03the very next day after getting his acceptance letter.
25:06He'd been gone for days.
25:08His mom was apparently calling my mom regularly
25:10asking when I was flying back.
25:12On the day I landed,
25:14my parents showed up at the airport
25:15dressed like they were going somewhere formal.
25:17I woke up from my nap on the drive.
25:19I realized they'd pulled up to a five-star hotel.
25:23I was still half asleep
25:24when my mom grabbed my arm
25:26and steered me through the lobby.
25:27And right there, standing in the middle of it,
25:30was Asher, who I hadn't seen in months.
25:33My feet stopped moving on their own.
25:36Asher was in a perfectly fitted black suit
25:38leaning casually beside the lobby fountain
25:40like something out of a magazine spread.
25:42Just one summer was all it took.
25:44The boyish edge had faded
25:46and he looked exactly like the version of him
25:48I used to imagine
25:49when I tried to picture him grown up.
25:51Something complicated twisted in my chest.
25:53I'd avoided this moment for months
25:55and now here it was,
25:57sprung on me with no warning.
25:59Stella, it's Asher's going away party.
26:01We figured we'd pick you up
26:03and bring you straight here.
26:04You said you didn't want a party of your own, right?
26:07Ashley asked his parents to set the date
26:10for the day you got back
26:11so you can kind of both celebrate together.
26:13Asher seemed to sense something
26:14because right then he casually glanced over
26:17and his gaze landed directly on mine.
26:20My heart lurched sideways,
26:21still felt like the floor dropped out
26:23but Asher moved first.
26:25He took one step toward us
26:27and then Chloe appeared out of nowhere
26:28and slipped her arm through his.
26:30She pulled him along with her,
26:32smiling wide,
26:33and walked right over to us.
26:35Oh my gosh, Stella, you're back!
26:38I've been wanting to properly meet you forever.
26:42I always saw you around with Asher.
26:45I'm from the AP track
26:46so we never officially met
26:48and
26:49I'm genuinely sad about that.
26:52Yeah.
26:53Asher looked vaguely uncomfortable.
26:55Why would you want to get to know her?
26:57She's just a drama queen who throws fits.
27:01I honestly thought she'd stayed in her aunt's state forever.
27:04The world will keep on turning
27:05and your name will be forgotten.
27:07I had nothing to say to that.
27:09There was genuinely no response.
27:11Chloe's silver bodycon dress
27:12was covered in tiny crystals
27:14that caught every bit of light in the room.
27:16I glanced down at myself.
27:18White tea, jeans, sneakers,
27:20hair that still had a slight slept-on wave from the plane.
27:22I looked like I'd made a wrong turn
27:24on the way to a convenience store.
27:26I brought a dress for you, baby.
27:27You can go change in the powder room.
27:29I nodded, then shook my head.
27:30There was no point.
27:32This wasn't my party.
27:33Asher kept staring at me
27:34with this unreadable expression.
27:36Chloe's eyes kept flicking back and forth
27:38between the two of us.
27:39Luckily, a few more guests arrived just then,
27:42and Chloe immediately pulled Asher over to greet them.
27:45Like she was already the hostess.
27:46Mom, let's go in.
27:47I'm a little hungry.
27:50It was a small gathering.
27:52Asher had only invited close family
27:54and a handful of friends.
27:55Every single person I knew
27:57looked visibly shocked when they saw me walk in.
28:00I just smiled and said hello
28:01and acted like I didn't notice.
28:03But nobody was subtle about their curiosity.
28:05The people watching energy was off the charts.
28:10I slipped out to the terrace for some air
28:12and could immediately hear a small group in the hallway
28:15cornering Asher for the gossip.
28:19Wait, didn't Stella fall out with you
28:20over the Chloe thing?
28:21Why is she here?
28:22Did she come crawling back?
28:24She's just quick-tempered and in a mood.
28:26She always comes around after a couple of days.
28:28We've known each other our whole lives.
28:29She's not actually going to cut me off.
28:31I mean, Stella's genuinely great.
28:33She's been ride or died for you for years.
28:34All of us are low-key jealous of how she treats you.
28:36But like, one is your childhood best friend,
28:38and honestly, Stella's amazing.
28:41But it also feels kind of limiting.
28:43I'm young.
28:44I don't want to only ever have one person.
28:46That's too predictable.
28:47I need to see what else is out there.
28:49But that doesn't mean anything has to end,
28:51as long as I know there's always a light on at home for me.
28:55You're such a player.
28:56I'd heard enough.
28:57I backed away as quietly as I could.
28:59The evening breeze hit my face,
29:01and I felt my eyes go hot.
29:03I just hated myself for spending so many years
29:06being blind to who he actually was.
29:09I was in absolutely the worst mood of the entire summer.
29:13But Asher's mom was thrilled to see me
29:16and spent most of dinner doting on me,
29:18refusing to let go of my hand.
29:20Stella, Boston can get really dry in winter.
29:23Let Asher take you shopping tomorrow
29:24and stock up on some good moisturizers.
29:26Oh, it's fine.
29:28There are plenty of shops out there,
29:29and online shopping is so easy.
29:30She nodded warmly and turned to my mom.
29:33I already picked out all the bedding for the dorms,
29:36got a set for Asher and one for Stella
29:38at the same time, all four seasons covered.
29:40Boston winters are brutal.
29:41I went with really thick comforters
29:43and got a few winter coats for Stella, too.
29:46Don't you worry about a thing.
29:47My mom made a face like she'd swallowed something.
29:50All of that would be completely useless in California.
29:52But she didn't want to embarrass anyone,
29:54so she thanked her graciously.
29:56Chloe, sitting nearby,
29:58looked like she was biting through her own cheek.
30:00Asher's mom didn't seem to notice.
30:02She kept right on talking, addressing both of us.
30:05Once you're both in Boston,
30:07you'll be each other's family.
30:09Asher, you better take good care of Stella
30:11and stop making her upset.
30:13You hear me?
30:13Asher threw a glance my way with zero expression.
30:17She doesn't need anyone to look after her.
30:19She's perfectly capable of flying on her own.
30:21The table got a little stiff,
30:22and that's when Chloe smoothly cut in.
30:25Oh, don't worry.
30:26My school is in Boston, too.
30:27I'll be there to look after Asher.
30:28And Stella will be all the way in California anyway,
30:31so it's not really practical.
30:34Before she even finished the sentence,
30:36Asher and his parents' faces changed.
30:38California?
30:40Every single one of them looked at me
30:42and asked it at the same time.
30:45Asher, you didn't know?
30:47It's been on the school's honor board.
30:49Oh, wait.
30:49You haven't been back to campus.
30:51Every pair of eyes at the table swiveled to me.
30:54Under the weight of all that attention,
30:55I quietly nodded.
30:57My mom stepped in to explain.
30:59Stella made a last-minute decision
31:01to change her application.
31:03She's going to a great school in California,
31:06and it's actually the perfect program for her.
31:09Asher didn't believe it.
31:10He grabbed my hand and made me look at him.
31:13Stella, I literally watched you fill out that application.
31:17We were going to the same school.
31:19His grip was tight enough to actually hurt,
31:21and it pushed me over the edge.
31:24Yeah, I changed it.
31:25What does it have to do with you?
31:27Asher looked stunned for a second.
31:28Then started laughing like I'd said something ridiculous.
31:31You're joking.
31:32You're literally the girl who jumps onto my back
31:35at the sight of a bug.
31:36And you're moving to California?
31:39And you're moving to California?
31:40I pulled out my phone,
31:42found the crystal clear photo of my acceptance letter,
31:45and held it up in his face.
31:46Asher took the phone,
31:47zoomed in,
31:48zoomed out,
31:49read it over and over,
31:51and finally let out a laugh
31:53that had no humor in it at all.
31:55In the middle of everyone's gasps,
31:57he grabbed my wrist
31:57and pulled me out of the dining room.
32:01He pulled me into a side room
32:03and locked the door behind us.
32:04Asher planted himself against it,
32:06cutting off any escape,
32:07and came at me hard.
32:09Stella, I cannot believe you.
32:11You're so mad that you just forget our whole plan,
32:13go behind my back,
32:14and commit Mitt to a school across the country.
32:16I lifted my head.
32:17I took a breath
32:18and made myself look him straight in the eye.
32:20I have my own plans.
32:23Since when do I have to build my entire future
32:25around what you want?
32:26Asher, be honest with yourself.
32:28Are you actually upset about the plan?
32:31Or are you upset because I'm not available
32:33to be your fallback girl anymore?
32:35The color drained from his face.
32:37What is that supposed to mean?
32:38Could you not phrase things like that?
32:40We're adults.
32:42That night was completely mutual.
32:43Are you seriously still bringing that up?
32:45I was embarrassed,
32:46but I held his gaze anyway.
32:48Asher, if you like someone else,
32:49you could have just said so.
32:50I'm not so shameless
32:51that I would have kept throwing myself at you.
32:54But you knew you didn't like me back
32:55and you just watched me
32:56walk straight into the flame.
32:57That was fun for you, wasn't it?
32:59Even now, he still didn't get it.
33:00People don't say goodbye
33:01until they've completely run out of hope.
33:03He flushed.
33:04Something in what I said hit.
33:06His face went from white to red
33:08and he visibly swayed.
33:09What do you even...
33:11Listen to what you're saying, you...
33:12He couldn't finish the sentence.
33:16Stella, we've known each other
33:17since we were eight years old
33:18and we're 18 now.
33:20If you're choosing to walk away
33:21from what we have,
33:22then we don't have to be friends either.
33:24And with just that,
33:25he turned and walked out of the hotel.
33:35From that day
33:36until the day I left for school,
33:37I never saw Asher again.
33:39Mia sent me a screenshot
33:40of his official couple's post with Chloe.
33:42I deleted it without even opening it.
33:45Every mutual friend connected to him,
33:46I blocked.
33:47There was genuinely no point
33:49in following any of it anymore.
33:53The only exception
33:54was the day I flew out to California.
33:57Of course,
33:57because the universe
33:58has a terrible sense of humor,
33:59I walked straight into Asher
34:01at the airport again,
34:02with Chloe still glued to his side.
34:05When we passed each other,
34:06he said a stiff hello to my parents
34:08and kept walking,
34:09clearly still angry.
34:10He didn't look at me once.
34:11We scattered in different directions
34:13and neither of us looked back.
34:15Right before I got to the security line,
34:17I glanced over
34:18and caught Asher at his gate,
34:19about to board.
34:20He gave me one cold, flat look
34:22and then disappeared through the door
34:24without turning around.
34:25The person who had been part
34:27of every chapter of my growing up,
34:28we were finally completely done.
34:31Different destinations at last
34:33and I hope yours goes well.
34:34I said it only to myself.
34:36After that,
34:37a long, long time passed
34:39without either of us
34:40hearing a single thing
34:41about the other.
34:42I specifically asked my parents
34:43not to bring up anything related
34:45to Asher or his family
34:47in front of me.
34:48Over New Year's break,
34:49a girl from our high school
34:50came to visit.
34:51He's nothing like that
34:52cold, focused,
34:54straight A guy
34:54he was in high school.
34:55He's completely different.
34:59Honestly,
35:00if you ran into him now,
35:01you might not even recognize him.
35:04I didn't say anything.
35:05Mia kicked her under the table
35:07and smoothly changed the subject
35:08and the girl dropped it.
35:10We did the New Year's countdown
35:11by the water
35:12and Mia told me to make a wish.
35:14Hope New Year,
35:16Syria parent healthy,
35:17conceding under the world.
35:18I realized it was the first wish
35:20I'd ever made
35:20that had absolutely nothing
35:22to do with him.
35:23For a full six years of my life,
35:25every single wish I made
35:26had involved Asher in some way.
35:30Mia, Happy New Year!
35:32I felt genuinely happy.
35:33I knew I had finally,
35:35actually, completely let go.
35:38The first winter break of college,
35:40I missed my parents so badly
35:42I couldn't stand it.
35:43The second my last exam was done,
35:45I was on the first flight home.
35:47What I didn't expect
35:48was that Asher had come to the airport
35:50with my parents to pick me up.
35:51After half a year apart,
35:53we had both changed.
35:54He was thinner,
35:55had dyed his hair,
35:56but was still, honestly,
35:58annoyingly good looking.
36:00I've always had terrible judgment
36:01about people,
36:02but my taste has never been the problem.
36:04Why else would I have been
36:05trailing after him
36:06since we were five?
36:07Hey there, big bro Asher.
36:09He stared at me
36:09like I'd spoken a different language.
36:12We ran into him outside.
36:13He insisted on coming along to help.
36:15I smiled and waved her off.
36:17It was fine.
36:20In the car,
36:21I immediately launched
36:22into all the funny things
36:23that had happened at school
36:24and my parents were the whole ride.
36:27No one was paying
36:27any attention to Asher.
36:31You've worked hard.
36:32Please send our regards
36:33to your parents.
36:33He seemed like he wanted
36:34to come inside when we got home,
36:36but all three of us
36:37politely turned him down together.
36:39My grandma and my aunt
36:40had both come back
36:40to celebrate the holidays that year.
36:42New Year's Eve was loud
36:44and packed with family.
36:45After the big dinner,
36:46the older relatives
36:47parked themselves
36:48in front of the TV
36:49while the rest of us
36:50were teaching each other
36:51card games.
36:51That's when Asher showed up
36:53at the door with his parents,
36:54arms full of bags.
36:55Our house is too quiet tonight.
36:57Hope you don't mind
36:58us crashing your game.
37:03Our house is too quiet tonight.
37:05Hope you don't mind
37:06us crashing your game.
37:07Asher's mom laughed
37:08as she walked in.
37:09Every year growing up,
37:10the two families
37:11had spent the holiday together.
37:12This year,
37:13because of everything
37:14that had happened,
37:15my mom had turned down
37:16the invitation
37:17to share the big dinner.
37:18But you can't exactly
37:20turn people away
37:21once they're at your door.
37:22Asher settled himself naturally.
37:24My cousins had no idea
37:25about any of the drama
37:26and kept teasing us
37:27like they always had.
37:28I laughed it off.
37:30It's not what you think.
37:32Asher's expression
37:33went a little flat.
37:34When midnight came
37:35and we all went outside
37:36for sparklers,
37:39he caught my arm
37:40and looked like he was
37:41working up to say something.
37:42My phone rang.
37:43My face went a little warm.
37:45It was a guy
37:46from one of my clubs
37:46at school.
37:49Hi, Stella.
37:50I'm just a bit bored
37:51and wanted to say
37:52Happy New Year to you.
37:53A local California boy
37:54named Jake.
37:55He was good looking too.
37:57Not in that cold,
37:58aloof way.
37:59More like the guy
38:00who's always laughing
38:00at everything
38:01and making you laugh
38:02right along with him.
38:03He never ran out
38:04of things to say
38:05and he had a way
38:06of making me completely
38:07lose it at the most
38:08random things.
38:09We talked for a while longer
38:10and when he finally hung up,
38:12Asher was standing
38:13right behind me
38:14with a face
38:14like a thundercloud.
38:17Boyfriend?
38:19Not yet,
38:20I guess.
38:24Not yet,
38:25I guess.
38:25I thought about it
38:26and answered honestly.
38:28I assumed he was done
38:29but then he spoke again.
38:31Long distance guys
38:31aren't always reliable.
38:33You should find
38:34someone local,
38:35someone you actually know.
38:38I nodded.
38:40Something in that
38:40seemed to land
38:41somewhere tender.
38:42You're right.
38:42You really can't tell
38:43with people.
38:44I'll keep my guard up.
38:46Asher went quiet
38:47for a very long time.
38:48I assumed he was done.
38:50I didn't think
38:51too hard about it.
38:53Thanks for the advice,
38:54big bro.
38:54You should figure out
38:55your own situation too.
38:57He'd always been
38:57unpredictable like that.
38:59After that,
38:59I spent the rest of break
39:01bouncing around
39:01visiting relatives
39:02with my grandma
39:03and parents
39:04and then we did
39:04a little road trip.
39:05I was barely home.
39:07I didn't run into Asher once.
39:08The break was short
39:09and soon enough
39:10I was back at school
39:11but the very next day
39:12after I arrived,
39:14Asher was standing
39:14outside my campus gate.
39:17Asher,
39:18what are you doing here?
39:19I wanted to see
39:20what your school looks like
39:23and check if you're
39:24actually doing okay out here.
39:26Really well, actually.
39:27The food here is amazing.
39:29You should look up
39:29some spots and try them.
39:31Stella,
39:32can't you come eat with me?
39:34Just once?
39:37Sorry about that, man.
39:38I've already got Stella booked.
39:40You'll have to get in line.
39:41Stella,
39:43you came back to school
39:44this early for him?
39:48Sorry, Asher.
39:49We're heading out to eat.
39:50I'll see you.
39:51Let's go.
39:52Didn't you say the place was far?
39:54Stop standing there.
39:55Asher was still standing
39:56at the campus gate
39:57watching us
39:58and under the shadow
39:59of the trees,
40:00he looked incredibly alone.
40:02He suddenly started showing up
40:04in my world constantly.
40:05I never found out
40:06what excuse he gave his school,
40:08but he kept appearing
40:09in California out of nowhere.
40:10He started showing up
40:11with gifts,
40:12flowers,
40:13bags,
40:13jewelry,
40:14and I turned
40:14every single one down.
40:16When there was nothing else to do,
40:18he'd just sit outside
40:18my dorm building
40:19and refuse to leave
40:21no matter how many times I asked.
40:23Whenever he managed
40:24to catch me,
40:24he'd fallen to step beside me
40:26to every single class,
40:27then follow me
40:28to the dining hall.
40:29Jake was visibly miserable
40:30about the whole thing.
40:32Asher's mom had been calling
40:33and messaging me
40:34from multiple angles.
40:35She begged me
40:36to please talk some sense
40:37into him.
40:38I was beyond done.
40:39I genuinely could not figure out
40:41what Asher thought
40:42he was doing.
40:44Stella,
40:45why does Jake
40:46get to pursue you
40:46but I don't?
40:48Son of white,
40:49just ask.
40:50He's known you for what,
40:51a few months?
40:53How many years
40:53have I known you?
40:56No one in this world
40:57understands you
40:57the way I do,
40:58not even your parents.
41:00And no one is better
41:01for you than me.
41:07Asher,
41:08do you genuinely
41:09not remember
41:10what you did?
41:12Ask yourself honestly,
41:14did you ever actually
41:15treat my feelings
41:16like they mattered?
41:19You just liked
41:20the ego boost
41:20of having me
41:21chase after you.
41:22You knew no matter
41:23what you did,
41:24I wouldn't leave,
41:25so you just did
41:26whatever you felt like
41:27with my heart.
41:29Yeah,
41:29I did some things
41:30wrong back then.
41:31I was young,
41:32I thought the whole world
41:33was waiting for me
41:34and I didn't want to feel
41:35like I was tied
41:36to any one person.
41:37I owe you
41:38a real apology,
41:39Stella.
41:40I'm sorry.
41:42But even if you
41:43treat me like a stranger,
41:44can't I at least
41:45have the chance
41:45to start over
41:46and earn it back?
41:47After you left,
41:48I realized I don't know
41:49how to live
41:49without you in it.
41:51I can't imagine
41:52going forward
41:53and not having
41:53anyone to share
41:54everything with.
41:55Honestly,
41:56since leaving you,
41:57I figured out
41:57that real,
41:58mutual feelings
41:59don't require you
42:00to shrink yourself
42:01down to nothing.
42:02I can just be myself.
42:03My mood doesn't
42:04have to orbit
42:05around someone else's
42:06and when I realized
42:06that,
42:08I started to wonder
42:09if what I felt
42:10back then
42:10was ever real love
42:11or just something
42:12a younger,
42:13more naive version
42:14of the inventing.
42:17But...
42:18But...
42:20We made promises.
42:24We said we'd go
42:24to college together,
42:26study abroad together,
42:27travel the whole world together.
42:28Are you going to walk away
42:29from all of that too?
42:31Stella,
42:31are you going to leave
42:32all this behind too?
42:34You broke the promises first.
42:36And I've already found someone
42:38I want to do
42:39all of those things with.
42:42Stop, Stella.
42:43Please,
42:44just stop.
42:49Maybe you're not
42:50actually in love with me.
42:52Maybe you just
42:52can't stand the idea
42:54of losing.
42:55Asher, honestly,
42:56it's time for you
42:57to move on too.
43:01I didn't wait
43:02for a response.
43:03Jake had been waiting
43:04across the street
43:04for a while.
43:05I jogged over
43:06and he immediately
43:07reached down
43:08and took my hand.
43:11Finally shook the ex?
43:14Did you tell him
43:15I've got full
43:15bug patrol rights now?
43:16He doesn't get
43:17a single one?
43:19Everyone is going
43:20through their own goodbyes.
43:22As for us,
43:24it's finally
43:24completely over.
43:27Fading away
43:27like the rain.
43:28Everyone in the middle
43:29of their own goodbye.
43:30And just like that,
43:31the two of us
43:32were finally
43:33completely over.
43:35Scattered like rain.
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