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Short filmTranscript
00:28Transcribed by ESO, translated by ā
00:58Transcribed by ā
01:29Transcribed by ā
01:59Transcribed by ā
01:59Transcribed by ā
02:00It's nice to have you back.
02:03Back?
02:04I didn't go anywhere.
02:06Or at least that's what I thought.
02:14Come to find out, I was stranded on change your life to be with a person island.
02:19Or compromise your soul for the devil planet.
02:25Okay, that last one may have been a little much.
02:32Anyway, now I'm single again and the game has changed.
02:35And the rules are written in a language that I can't read.
02:39And of course, everyone thinks they know that perfect person for me.
02:51So what's the latest?
02:54Well...
02:55Oh, come on.
02:55I haven't seen you in, what, months?
02:58And with all of your work travels and adventures and such, you've got to have something new and exciting going
03:04on.
03:05Um, no.
03:07What about your dating life?
03:08I need to live vicariously through you.
03:11My life's a little lackluster.
03:14Jesus.
03:15A little lackluster?
03:16Since when did you turn into your mother?
03:19You know they make novels for that.
03:21I did not mean it like that.
03:26Well, work has been consuming, not adventurous.
03:28And I haven't had enough time to relax, let alone date.
03:32I mean, it's been ten years.
03:36Things are different.
03:37I've been on a couple dates, but nothing I care to remember.
03:40Anyway, how's Carl?
03:41What have you guys been up to lately?
03:43That's a shame.
03:45A really smart and funny person like you should have them lining up for your number.
03:50I just don't get that.
03:52Really?
03:53Did you just say that?
03:55You are your mother.
03:57I'm good, Kristen, really.
03:59So, why are you avoiding my question?
04:01How's Carl?
04:02I would just really rather not talk about him.
04:06It's bad for my digestion.
04:10Okay, so, there's somebody that I want to set you up with.
04:15Oh, I get it.
04:18You're playing matchmaker.
04:20Gail?
04:21Is that you?
04:22Shut up!
04:23That's not true.
04:25This is somebody that you would really hit it off with.
04:29It's a chef friend of Carl's named Shannon.
04:32Oh, great.
04:32Are they an asshole too?
04:34Not funny.
04:36Check this out.
04:38Artistic and attractive, yet super grounded.
04:43It's just a really good match for you, and it's not like that other person you were with who was
04:48just awful.
04:51Is this your new career plan, or is it your mission in life to remind me of my past failures
04:55in love?
04:56And come on, Sean wasn't that bad.
05:00All right, so when are you free?
05:02Let's set something up.
05:04Wait.
05:05What?
05:07Like a blind date.
05:09Oh, no.
05:10I am not going on a freaking blind date, no matter how much you say this person is my type.
05:15Which, I don't even know what that is, anyway.
05:18Besides the obvious.
05:19Are you serious?
05:21You need to trust me.
05:23Trust you.
05:23Shannon is awesome.
05:26You guys will get along great.
05:29The last time I trusted you, I couldn't walk right for a week.
05:34And sunburn in places so bad, I...
05:37Oh, my God.
05:38You are just so dramatic.
05:40Okay, okay.
05:42What have I got to lose, right?
05:44Besides my dignity, which I'm not too sure I have any left of, anyway.
05:49Not to mention all of my faith in dating.
05:53Mmm.
05:55You know what?
05:57If this sucks, you're taking me out for dinner and cocktails.
06:03Deal.
06:04Dinner and drinks on me, but I have a feeling that you will be buying me dinner and drinks.
06:15Oh, God.
06:29Order up.
06:33So this is my friend, Jen.
06:35She's the friend who will get you to spill your guts.
06:38Hi, Jess.
06:38I hope you get this before you get out of your car.
06:41I left my sunglasses in your center console.
06:43Can you bring them in with you?
06:44I can't wait to hear how your date went.
06:48And this is Isaac, mama's boy and intense listener.
06:51You can count on him for anything.
06:52Hey, how are you doing?
06:52Ladies, how are you doing?
06:54Good.
06:54And no worries about being late.
06:55It allowed me to catch up on Tinder.
06:57Wow.
06:58Uh-huh.
07:00And this is our breakfast chat session about our dates.
07:04How has that worked for you lately?
07:06What?
07:07Is this...
07:07Today's agenda...
07:10My blind date.
07:12Oh, hey.
07:14Hey.
07:14God, no offense, but you look awful.
07:17Oh, it's so good to see you guys.
07:19I need a coffee like it's my job.
07:21Fun date.
07:22A little hungover?
07:24Oh, just a bit.
07:27Oh, my head feels like it's in a vice.
07:32I can't believe I'm even out of bed.
07:34Hey, now.
07:35That sounds like a fun date then, huh?
07:39You're an ass.
07:41No, I just couldn't shut my brain off.
07:44Oh, and the date?
07:46Well, I haven't had enough sleep or coffee to relive it.
07:54Oh, God.
07:55Okay, so, anyway.
07:57So, I couldn't figure out what to wear.
07:58And I'm going back and forth from this outfit to this outfit and this outfit to figure out what I
08:02want.
08:02Hold on, hold on.
08:03It has not been that long since you've been on a date.
08:05I mean, didn't you just...
08:06You said it.
08:07Let her finish.
08:07Well, I'm sorry, but what about...
08:12Shut up now.
08:15So, I finally get my outfit together.
08:20You got this.
08:22Girls gotta eat, right?
08:31So, then, finally, I'm date ready, and I'm staring into the mirror, and I'm like, what the hell did you
08:36get yourself into?
08:38Because I've never been on a blind date before, and the last date I was on was just...
08:44It was a disaster.
08:46It was a disaster.
09:14So, you could do this again sometime.
09:16That's a possibility.
09:36That's a possibility.
09:44So, I decided you put yourself out there again, and you've recovered.
09:47So, did you talk to this person before you went on your blind date?
09:53Nope.
09:54No, I didn't.
09:56No, I didn't.
09:56This actually wasn't a blind date.
09:57It was a, uh, F1-2.
10:01What?
10:03Why would you agree to that?
10:06I thought of it as adventurous, at least at the time I did.
10:12Ugh.
10:12Maybe that's my problem.
10:14I'm an idealistic idiot.
10:17Anyway, so then...
10:18I pan the restaurant, and I don't see this Shannon person anywhere, or at least anyone resembling Kristen's description.
10:25So, I belly up to the bar and order a glass of wine.
10:28After I get my drink, in walks this perfect, just my type.
10:34I can't even explain it.
10:38I get all distracted, and...
10:51Jess?
10:56Shannon?
10:57Yeah.
10:58Was it the person you saw walk in?
11:00Nope.
11:01This one was handsome.
11:03Just Jen's type.
11:04Wait.
11:05What?
11:06Really?
11:06Yes, really.
11:08Stupid, frickin' gender-neutral names.
11:10Oh, my God.
11:12So, anyway.
11:14Shannon?
11:15Yeah.
11:16Hi.
11:16I'm late.
11:17I had to use the bathroom.
11:19Charles told me you let me out.
11:21Yeah, I haven't talked to him in a while, but Kristen's told me about you.
11:27Looks like you have a little spill over here.
11:30Yeah.
11:30Need some help?
11:31Yeah.
11:32I contemplated wearing red tonight, but I couldn't make up my mind, so this was the next best thing.
11:38Drinking it is so overrated.
11:41Would you let me help you with that?
11:44Thanks.
11:45I think you're gonna need another glass of wine.
11:47Yeah.
11:48You wanna stay here, or do you wanna go to the bar?
11:51Yeah, here's great.
11:53I catch the eye of the woman that first walked into the bar, and we start flirting a bit, I
11:58think.
12:00So busy.
12:00Apparently, Shannon was talking, and I was so distracted I didn't even hear him.
12:05I have two chefs take over all the grunt work.
12:07I have the night on.
12:09You wanna start with an appetizer, or?
12:13Thank you, Steve.
12:16You know, we were talking, and the chick, she stands up and starts walking towards our table.
12:22Why was she walking towards the table?
12:24Oh, now this is getting interesting.
12:26Jesus, you two.
12:27Let me finish.
12:29Anyway, so then...
12:31Hmm?
12:32Sorry.
12:33What did you say?
12:36An appetizer.
12:37She comes, walks over to the table, and goes...
12:40Shannon!
12:41Hey!
12:42What are you doing here?
12:43I'm just having dinner with Connor.
12:45I hope I'm not interrupting you.
12:47You are not.
12:48This is Jess.
12:49Jess, this is my sister Hayden.
12:50Hey.
12:53Sister.
12:54Oh, wait.
12:55You mean, you were unknowingly hitting on the sister of the person you're on a date with?
13:00Oh, yeah.
13:01Oh, you should have called me.
13:03I could have taken the Shannon person off your hands.
13:05Yeah, of course you would.
13:10Oh, hi.
13:13I'll have the pancakes.
13:16And some more coffee.
13:18You can go ahead and write your number down, too.
13:21Thanks.
13:24I'll have an egg sandwich with bacon and cheddar.
13:29You know, I would have come just to sit at the bar and watch this whole thing.
13:31Well, I wouldn't have been on a date if I knew anything about this Shannon person.
13:36I'll have the special no toast.
13:38Or anything at all, actually, about Shannon.
13:43I'm so stupid for trusting Kristen.
13:47I'm going to kill her.
13:48Or Carl.
13:50Or both.
13:52So then what happened?
13:54Okay.
13:54So, you know, we have the this and I meet the that and...
14:00Hi.
14:01Nice to meet you.
14:03Um.
14:04You would excuse me.
14:06I have to use the lady track.
14:09Sure.
14:11No problem.
14:12I get up to go to the bathroom.
14:13You see, I don't really need to go to the bathroom.
14:16I just needed to get the hell out of there.
14:22Okay.
14:23No big deal, right?
14:26It's a blind date and there are no expectations.
14:31You got this.
14:34Go out there and have a good time.
14:39And try not to leave with a sister, okay?
14:44Okay.
14:47Hello.
14:49It is a blind date and you've only just met.
14:55What am I doing?
14:57Oh.
15:04Hey.
15:05Hi.
15:07It's nice to meet you.
15:09Again.
15:10I mean, I gotta head back.
15:12Yeah.
15:13Hey.
15:14Are you Kristen's cousin?
15:17You know her?
15:18Stupid question.
15:19Obviously you do.
15:20I do.
15:21Shannon and I work with Carl at the restaurant.
15:23We're the co-executive chefs.
15:25Oh.
15:27Both of you are executive chefs.
15:29Wow.
15:30Yeah.
15:30That's awesome.
15:32Uh, yeah.
15:33Kristen's my cousin.
15:34We grew up together.
15:35Oh.
15:36Yeah.
15:37Interesting.
15:38What?
15:40Well, you were on a date with my brother, but I thought you were gay.
15:46I did too.
15:51I mean, I am.
15:54How did you...
15:56Never mind.
15:57I haven't seen Kristen in a while and maybe she forgot or Carl forgot or something.
16:03I don't know.
16:05But I'm, uh, I'm gonna head back and finish having dinner with your brother.
16:09He seems like a really nice guy.
16:11Have a good time.
16:12Okay.
16:14Let's see you around.
16:23Shannon's a really great guy and we had a good time, but there was no location.
16:30You think?
16:31I know.
16:32Shocker.
16:34Well, that's a bummer.
16:35I mean, obviously the date didn't go well, but that doesn't explain why you're so tired.
16:41So what'd you do after the date?
16:43Late night movie call?
16:44No.
16:45No.
16:46I stopped drinking after dinner and I drove myself home.
16:50When I got home, however, I proceeded to down a few bourbons, watch bad TV, and tried
16:57to drown the remains of my shit show evening.
17:01I even made a dating profile and, uh, tried to make myself feel better.
17:07You made a dating profile?
17:10Huh?
17:11Even after you said you'd never do that again.
17:14Oh, that's bad.
17:17Well, another date bites the dust.
17:19Oh, shut up.
17:22Well, if anyone's interested, I have a date with Jack tonight.
17:26And let's hope it goes better than yours.
17:28Although I hear Shannon might be available.
17:32As a matter of fact, he is.
17:33But, uh, let me give a little time before I set the two of you up.
17:38Oh, yeah, that could work.
17:39I should keep my options open.
17:43So...
17:44Did you get Hayden's number?
17:45Oh, seriously?
17:47Do you people ever quit?
17:49Oh, my God.
17:50There's no point in it.
17:52We should have one very interesting.
17:54Oh, okay.
17:54Can I get you?
17:55Yeah.
18:01Hi, take care.
18:05Why?
18:06Every time.
18:07Every time you go out.
18:08We don't even have utensils.
18:10Yes.
18:22So...
18:23It's been a few days, but I survived.
18:27Dating is rough.
18:29Even old-fashioned blind date crap is for the birds.
18:34Well, for now, back to reality.
18:43Hey, hey, Kristen.
18:44It's Jess.
18:45I'm on my way to get some coffee.
18:46I figured I'd give you a call since we haven't talked about my date the other night.
18:51Uh, yeah.
18:52Because I've been avoiding you.
18:54Yeah.
18:54Good times.
18:55Thanks for that.
18:56He was great.
18:59Little known fact, not too sure if you remember, but I'm a lesbian.
19:04Seriously, Kristen.
19:05A date with his sister would have been so much better.
19:08Oh, yeah.
19:09By the way, met her too.
19:11Yeah, that happened.
19:13Ugh.
19:14Anyway, so you're gonna hear all about it over that fancy dinner you're gonna buy me.
19:19Yeah, dinner and cocktails.
19:20So, uh, I'll talk to you soon.
19:23Bye.
19:25Ugh.
19:43Next.
19:47Excuse me, ma'am.
19:48Can I help you?
19:50Oh, me.
19:51Yeah, sorry.
19:53Um, can I get a medium hazelnut black, please?
19:55Medium hazelnut black.
20:00Will that be all?
20:01Yep, that's it.
20:04275.
20:05Here you go.
20:16Thanks so much.
20:17Have a great day.
20:19Smile.
20:19Next.
20:21Next.
20:22Whoa!
20:22Oh, my God.
20:23I am so sorry.
20:24It's okay.
20:25Oh, thank you.
20:27Wait.
20:27Spilling shit seems to be my new hobby.
20:30Huh?
20:32Hayden!
20:32Hey!
20:33Hi!
20:34Hello.
20:34Oh, my God.
20:35How are you?
20:36I'm good.
20:36Oh, shit.
20:37Oh, my God.
20:37Did I get any on you?
20:39Nope.
20:39Nope.
20:39I'm clean.
20:40Don't worry.
20:41Yeah.
20:41So, how have you been?
20:43Pretty good.
20:44How about you?
20:44Yeah.
20:45Good.
20:46Good.
20:46Busy.
20:47Busy, but good.
20:49Yeah.
20:49That's great.
20:50Yeah.
20:51So, hey, you know what?
20:55Would you like to go to dinner sometime?
20:58I mean, you don't have to, you know, if you don't want.
21:03No.
21:03No.
21:04Okay.
21:05Yeah.
21:06Um, great.
21:08You know what?
21:08I've got a lot of work to do, so I'm just...
21:10No, Jess.
21:10Jess.
21:11What?
21:12Just not until you sit down with me and explain why you're on a date with my brother instead
21:16of me.
21:19I could do that.
21:21Yeah?
21:21Although, it is not something I wanted to relive.
21:24No.
21:25But, uh, I can make an exception.
21:29Okay.
21:30Absolutely.
21:31All right.
21:31I'm right over here.
21:32Okay.
21:34Hey, um, Hayden, uh, can you just come to my table real quick?
21:38I just want to grab my stuff.
21:39Oh, okay.
21:39Yeah, I'll show you something, too.
21:41Yeah, sure.
21:41Yeah, cool.
21:41I'm going to show you.
21:42It's really funny.
21:43Yeah, come on.
21:55Wow.
21:56Ha.
21:57That's when I thought I had it all figured out.
21:59Pretty remarkable, right?
22:00Ha.
22:00Ha.
22:02Ha.
22:03I had fun tonight.
22:05Thanks for coming.
22:06You didn't have to do that.
22:07I know.
22:08But I wanted to.
22:11I had fun, too.
22:13Maybe we could do this again sometime?
22:16I want to see you.
22:19I want to see you.
22:29Sometimes, despite everyone's best intentions, things just work out.
22:34Good.
22:35I'm so sorry.
22:35You're back today.
22:36You keep on turning me on, turning me on.
22:42Hey.
22:43Yeah.
22:55Yeah.
22:57Yeah.
22:58Turn to me on, turn to me on, hey.
23:05Even at the beginning, I could see the end.
23:13If I could go back, would I do it again?
23:22Another mixed up morning, I gotta go but you keep turning me on, turning me on.
23:35Another mixed up morning, I gotta go but you keep turning me on, turning me on.
23:45It's a classic story, but I can tell you keep turning me on, you keep turning me on.
23:55Another mixed up morning, I gotta go but you keep turning me on, turning me on.
24:05It's a classic story, but I can tell you keep turning me on, turning me on, turning me on, hey.
24:15Hey.
24:17Hey.
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