- 2 hari yang lalu
a fast-talking schemer, his loyal sidekick, and an eccentric assistant team up to help a wealthy widow save her struggling ballet company.
Their good intentions quickly lead to absurd misunderstandings, outrageous plans, and nonstop chaos as they stumble from one disaster to another.
Starring John Turturro, Bob Nelson, and Mel Smith, this film pays tribute to the legendary style of the Marx Brothers with rapid-fire jokes and visual comedy.
Wildly energetic, clever, and underrated, Brain Donors is a cult comedy packed with nonstop laughs and classic slapstick humor.
Their good intentions quickly lead to absurd misunderstandings, outrageous plans, and nonstop chaos as they stumble from one disaster to another.
Starring John Turturro, Bob Nelson, and Mel Smith, this film pays tribute to the legendary style of the Marx Brothers with rapid-fire jokes and visual comedy.
Wildly energetic, clever, and underrated, Brain Donors is a cult comedy packed with nonstop laughs and classic slapstick humor.
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Film pendekTranskrip
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00:00:58Hey!
00:00:59Man!
00:01:14Oh!
00:01:21Great!
00:01:28Look at that!
00:01:31Watch that ladder!
00:01:32Whoa!
00:01:36Yeah, that's it!
00:01:43Whoa!
00:01:47What happened?
00:01:47Oh, man!
00:02:17Oh!
00:02:19Ha ha.
00:02:25Ha ha.
00:02:27Don't roll me in the gun.
00:02:29It's all right.
00:02:30It's all right.
00:02:32Mmm.
00:02:36More, more.
00:02:37Here we go.
00:02:38Huh?
00:02:40Here we go.
00:02:47Hmm.
00:02:57Hey!
00:02:58You guys looking at...
00:02:59Whoa!
00:03:02Get me out of here!
00:03:05Ow!
00:03:06Here.
00:03:08Ow!
00:03:11Ow!
00:03:16Ah!
00:03:20Here.
00:03:20Here.
00:03:21It's more.
00:03:22Ah!
00:03:23Ah!
00:03:24Ah!
00:03:24Ah!
00:03:25Ah!
00:03:25Ah!
00:03:25Ah!
00:03:34Ah!
00:03:36Ah!
00:03:37Ah!
00:03:37Ah!
00:03:40Ah!
00:03:41Taxi!
00:03:43Taxi!
00:03:43Ah!
00:03:45Ha ha!
00:03:50Come on.
00:03:51Oh!
00:03:55Oh
00:04:25Oh
00:04:52Oh
00:05:02Oh
00:05:04Oh
00:05:05Oh
00:05:06Oh
00:05:07Oh
00:05:08Oh
00:05:08Oh
00:05:09Let's go.
00:05:47I'm late. I have to mow Mrs. Oglethorpe's lawn.
00:05:57Oh, my God.
00:06:00I'm late. I have to mow Mrs. Oglethorpe's lawn.
00:06:20Stop that! Stop that! Stop that!
00:06:25You moron!
00:06:26There will be changes around here after today, and I will personally see that you will be the first one
00:06:30to go.
00:06:31Blimey.
00:06:32Wipe out those filthy hands!
00:06:37Take this.
00:06:38Oh, for me? Carry it to the house, you idiot!
00:06:44Here you are, my dear. Do come in, Edmund.
00:06:48Oh, my dear Lillian. I'm so sorry I'm late, but there's so much to do in handling the Oglethorpe Enterprises
00:06:53now that dear Oscar has passed on.
00:06:55You're a good friend, Edmund, and such a comfort in my time of need.
00:07:00I hope more than a friend, Lillian.
00:07:04As the lawyer for the Oglethorpe family, I have been entrusted with the last will and testament of Oscar Winterhaven
00:07:11Oglethorpe.
00:07:12Edmund, I beg your pardon?
00:07:13Yes, dear lady.
00:07:14I must apologize, but we really must wait for my personal solicitor, Roland T. Blackfizer.
00:07:21Jack?
00:07:22Lillian, I've been employed by your late husband for over 13 years. Are you dismissing me?
00:07:27Good heavens, no, Edmund. I was involved in a minor accident with the Bentley last year. Miraculously, he was by
00:07:37my side to assist me.
00:07:41Oh, Jack, I want you to go to this address and summon this gentleman at once. I've been calling all
00:07:47morning and leaving messages. I can't seem to reach him.
00:07:49Yes, Mrs. Old.
00:07:51Oh, Lillian, how long must we wait?
00:07:55Oh, I can assure you, once Mr. Blackfizer receives my message, he will race to be by my side.
00:08:29Music playing
00:08:42You want her?
00:08:45Roll the deep black fires, attorney at law.
00:08:47Don't try to get up. I specialize in accident cases.
00:08:49We're both fine.
00:08:51I know what I'm doing.
00:08:52You wouldn't happen to have any french fries on you, would you?
00:08:56All right, all right, step back.
00:08:57Step back! I've got injured clients here.
00:09:00Sir, you have caused grievous harm to my clients in their vehicle.
00:09:03And through your negligence, this child has suffered severe neck injuries.
00:09:07Leave me alone!
00:09:08Stick with me, kid, and you can afford enough Nintendo software to sink a battleship.
00:09:12I can sue my parents?
00:09:14I sued mine.
00:09:15Ow! My neck!
00:09:17Corruptible youth. God bless them.
00:09:19My lord and madam, you shouldn't be walking in your condition.
00:09:26This woman is with child.
00:09:28If any harm came to this infant, by God, sir, you will feel my wrath in court.
00:09:33What are you talking about?
00:09:35Don't try to weasel out of this.
00:09:36Dozens of witnesses saw your reckless driving.
00:09:38How many of you saw this man carelessly and without regard for life and property,
00:09:43careened into my clients at almost 85 miles per hour?
00:09:48Hmm.
00:09:48And who of you will tell their story to my young, 24-year-old, Miss International, wet-T-shirt champion,
00:09:54nymphomaniac secretary?
00:09:55Joe!
00:09:56Joe!
00:09:57Joe!
00:09:57Joe!
00:09:59Joe!
00:10:00Joe!
00:10:01Joe!
00:10:02Joe!
00:10:02Joe!
00:10:02Joe!
00:10:03Joe!
00:10:03Joe!
00:10:03Joe!
00:10:05Joe!
00:10:06Joe!
00:10:06Joe!
00:10:08Joe!
00:10:09Joe!
00:10:10Joe!
00:10:12Joe!
00:10:28Joe!
00:10:33Flackvisor's at it again, I see.
00:10:35Check for outstanding...
00:10:36Roland T. Flackvisor.
00:10:37Robert Keller.
00:10:38That's him!
00:10:39Come...
00:10:39Thank you very much.
00:10:41You agree with me, I agree with you.
00:10:44Hold that thought.
00:10:45I swear I never touched your daughter.
00:10:48Pessie!
00:10:51Here we go.
00:10:53Get in.
00:10:54Get in.
00:10:56Where to?
00:10:57Any place with no extradition laws.
00:10:59And step on it.
00:10:59Right.
00:11:04Is the Roland P. Flak visor?
00:11:06That depends.
00:11:07Do I owe you money?
00:11:08No.
00:11:08In a drunken stupor, did I promise to marry you?
00:11:10No.
00:11:11Then I'm your man.
00:11:12Lillian Oglethorpe wants to see you.
00:11:14The Lillian Oglethorpe in our mid-fifties,
00:11:17with possible gusts up to 60s, 65?
00:11:20Yes.
00:11:21Can you come right away?
00:11:22Is she still rich?
00:11:23Uh-huh.
00:11:23By all means.
00:11:24The Oglethorpe place.
00:11:25Quick bucks.
00:11:26Woo.
00:11:27Here, you settle back.
00:11:28I'll get you there safe and sound.
00:11:32One-way street.
00:11:33Don't worry.
00:11:34This happens a lot.
00:11:40Do you enjoy driving a cab?
00:11:42No.
00:11:43No.
00:11:43As soon as I get my driver's license, I'm quitted.
00:11:46A guy's really got a whole rump to make his meat these days.
00:11:48I mean, apart from the cab, I'm a pool man.
00:11:51I performed liposuction.
00:11:52I've got my own toupee business.
00:11:55My motto, something that size should have hair on it.
00:11:58Aren't those numbers clicking by awfully fast?
00:12:01You're probably a speed reader.
00:12:03Well, you got me there.
00:12:04Another two miles and we own this cab.
00:12:06I hope you brought money.
00:12:07Oh, sure.
00:12:08I have a wallet just like that.
00:12:09Hey, that is my wallet.
00:12:11When I get some money, this could come in handy.
00:12:13Such behavior, stealing another man's wallet,
00:12:15you should be ashamed of yourself.
00:12:17Now, believe it.
00:12:18You!
00:12:19What are you doing?
00:12:20Do you know who I am?
00:12:22A psychotic cab driver?
00:12:23I'm Rocco Melanchek.
00:12:25I hope you know you're blowing any possible tip.
00:12:27You were my attorney in my divorce case.
00:12:29Until you started dating my wife during the trial.
00:12:31And you got the court to stop all the alimony requests
00:12:33she originally made.
00:12:34You didn't want her to keep seeing me in cheap motels, did you?
00:12:36For God's sake, man.
00:12:37She was your wife.
00:12:39Help me.
00:12:40All right, all right, all right, all right.
00:12:42All right, all right, all right, all right.
00:12:44All right, all right.
00:12:44Five-minute break.
00:12:51Yahoo!
00:13:05All right, break's over.
00:13:08Wait a minute, wait a minute, you're a businessman.
00:13:10Let's talk business.
00:13:11Fine.
00:13:11And then I'll kill you.
00:13:12I thought I recognized you.
00:13:13I've been looking for you for the past three years.
00:13:16You're lying.
00:13:16Of course I am, but hear me out.
00:13:18Clients aren't pressed by a law firm with a big staff.
00:13:20The more employees, the bigger the fees.
00:13:22So I could use a man like you in my organization.
00:13:25Travel, excitement, and a chance for advancement.
00:13:27Of course you'll start out on the bottom rung.
00:13:29But work hard, and in no time,
00:13:30you'll move up to next to the bottom rung.
00:13:32You got a dental plan?
00:13:33Lose a tooth and get two free.
00:13:35What's my job?
00:13:35You can be my chauffeur.
00:13:37How much?
00:13:37200 bucks a week.
00:13:38600.
00:13:39300.
00:13:39400.
00:13:40800.
00:13:40900.
00:13:41Wait a minute, wait a minute.
00:13:41Shouldn't I be in this negotiation somewhere?
00:13:44350, not a penny more.
00:13:45I'll take it.
00:13:46What happened to 1,000?
00:13:47I'll have to tax it.
00:13:48I want four weeks in advance.
00:13:49Five weeks, six weeks.
00:13:49Hold it, hold it.
00:13:50I'm giving you one minute to stop all of this.
00:13:51Two minutes, five minutes, seven minutes.
00:13:53Nine minutes, ten minutes.
00:13:53I've stepped into my own private little hell.
00:13:55We'd better get going.
00:13:56The faster I get to Lillian,
00:13:57the quicker I can afford your salaries.
00:13:59For 350 bucks a week.
00:14:00You drive.
00:14:06Lillian, we really can't wait any longer.
00:14:08I suppose you're right, Edmund.
00:14:11I can't imagine what is keeping well.
00:14:21You guys wait here.
00:14:23Hey, you're a boss.
00:14:25The reading of the last Will and Testament
00:14:26of Oscar Winterhaven Oglethorpe.
00:14:29Roland.
00:14:30Please call me what everyone else calls me,
00:14:33your royal sex machine.
00:14:35I wouldn't come without bringing you
00:14:37a terribly expensive gift.
00:14:39I hope you like it.
00:14:40It reminds me of you.
00:14:41Roland, how thoughtful of you.
00:14:43But I believe I have one just like it.
00:14:45No problem.
00:14:46I'll take it back and get the money.
00:14:47Mrs. Oglethorpe, you look wonderful.
00:14:50I could make love to you right here and now.
00:14:53Roland, please.
00:14:54Let's keep this on a professional level.
00:14:56Very well.
00:14:57Then I'll charge you 50 bucks a pop.
00:14:59Who?
00:15:00Ah, Mr. Oglethorpe, how well I remember him.
00:15:03Gone now, but not forgotten.
00:15:05I was never crazy about his taste in clothes.
00:15:07I hope this speech doesn't seem like a rambling affair,
00:15:10which is something I'm sure we'll be involved in.
00:15:12Oh, Lillian, you make me feel just like a natural woman.
00:15:15Ow!
00:15:16I've heard enough.
00:15:18Sir, I'm appalled.
00:15:19Lillian, who is this man?
00:15:20Oh, Roland, this is Mr. Edmund Laszlo.
00:15:24A likely story.
00:15:26Just look at him.
00:15:27He's obviously after your money and social standing.
00:15:29But I was here first.
00:15:31Hey, how is everyone?
00:15:34Have you got any mustard in here?
00:15:35Hey, I'm the boss, remember?
00:15:36I told you to wait outside.
00:15:38Today's my day off.
00:15:39Oh, excuse me.
00:15:40And just who are you?
00:15:42There's a member of my staff.
00:15:44Lillian Oglethorpe, Rocco Melanchek.
00:15:46Rocco Melanchek, Lillian Oglethorpe.
00:15:48In order to tell you two apart, one of you is going to have to wear a mustache.
00:15:50Nice to meet someone else who buys their clothes at big and tall man's shops.
00:15:53I beg your pardon?
00:15:54Why?
00:15:54You can't help it.
00:15:58Oh, refreshments.
00:15:59Good idea, Jacques.
00:16:01He was so devoted to my husband.
00:16:04Darling, Oscar is dead now, you know.
00:16:06Well, I hope so.
00:16:07I understand they buried him.
00:16:09Just make yourself feel at home.
00:16:11Lillian, I really do believe we should begin.
00:16:14Oh, yes.
00:16:15Yes, certainly.
00:16:16Will you all please find yourselves a seat?
00:16:20Oh, I think you're...
00:16:23Oh.
00:16:23Oh.
00:16:24The last will and a testament of Oscar Winterhaven Oglethorpe.
00:16:29Do you have a bathroom?
00:16:31I protest.
00:16:32This is most irregular, Lillian.
00:16:34Lillian, please be careful.
00:16:37This man is an obvious leno-commission to carry on.
00:16:39Rocco, if you will continue.
00:16:41Lillian, I...
00:16:43Right, let's cut to the payoff here.
00:16:45Blah, blah, blah, Minnesota Holdings.
00:16:48Scebo, skebo, skebo yacht.
00:16:50La, la, la.
00:16:51To my gay lover, I leave.
00:16:52Oh.
00:16:54It was a joke.
00:16:55I was just joking.
00:16:56Ah, yes, now.
00:16:57Yes, here we are.
00:16:59All my worldly goods to be transferred into the care of my wife, Lillian.
00:17:02Darling.
00:17:03And because of my love for the arts, I request that half my fortune be used to establish
00:17:07a ballet company.
00:17:08Excellent, wonderful.
00:17:09Nothing like the thrill of spending an evening watching a bunch of anorexics leaping around
00:17:12guys with bulging genitals.
00:17:16I hope I'm not arousing you.
00:17:18This is all very well and good, but I wouldn't know the first thing about running such a company.
00:17:24Mrs. Oglethorpe, as your trusted lawyer...
00:17:27You can use those words together.
00:17:29And friend, I naturally assume that task would fall to me.
00:17:34Why would anyone want to be the head of a ballet company?
00:17:36And the director of the company should receive $500,000 a year's salary.
00:17:39I'll take the job.
00:17:40I have ballet running through my veins.
00:17:43Lillian, I'm your man.
00:17:45How outrageous!
00:17:47I doubt whether he knows the difference between the first, second, third, fourth, or fifth
00:17:49positions.
00:17:50Hey, he is strictly missionary position.
00:17:52Will you not allow a rogue like you to handle the Oglethorpe ballet?
00:17:56This document should be treated with the dignity and respect it deserves.
00:18:00Yes, no.
00:18:01This is no time for family pictures.
00:18:03Um, charity work.
00:18:04I gather these for those less fortunate than ourselves who can't afford pornography.
00:18:10Edmond!
00:18:13I demand this man may dismiss you immediately.
00:18:17Jacques, you're working for me now.
00:18:19For what reason?
00:18:20Does it make you angry?
00:18:21Yes!
00:18:21That's a good enough reason for me.
00:18:23Lillian, I have a dream.
00:18:25We'll bring in a whole new breed of ballet goers with innovative giveaways.
00:18:30Leotard nights, leotard nights, wet tutu competitions, and we'll be the first company performing ballet
00:18:34for the heart of hearing.
00:18:35We'll have the ballerinas wear wooden shoes.
00:18:37Mrs. Oglethorpe, this man doesn't know what he's talking about.
00:18:40Now leave this matter to me, and I will sign for you the world's premier dancer, the
00:18:44great Volare.
00:18:46Volare!
00:18:47How wonderful!
00:18:48Wait a second!
00:18:49You know the great Volare?
00:18:54I knew him back when he was known as a pretty good Volare.
00:18:57We served in the army together.
00:18:58He owes me one.
00:18:59I threw myself on top of an 18-year-old Vietnamese girl and saved his life.
00:19:02Nonsense!
00:19:02That's where you're wrong.
00:19:04This is nonsense.
00:19:14Lillian, I am the only one who can bring you the world's greatest male ballerina.
00:19:19For myself, I ask only a nominal salary, plus a cut of gross receipts, a bonus of 25% on
00:19:24anything about break-even, a $300 per diem, the use of a company car, and housing.
00:19:28By all means, make my husband's dream come true.
00:19:32What, you want him to marry a cheerleader?
00:19:33Uh, uh, give us a ballet.
00:19:36Oh, this is so exciting.
00:19:38I can see I am no longer required as the family lawyer.
00:19:42Oh, look, I'm thinking of becoming a lawyer.
00:19:44Can I buy you a diploma off you?
00:19:45Good heavens!
00:19:46I need you both.
00:19:48Very well, William, as you wish.
00:19:50For now.
00:19:52And this evening, I'm off to the ballet.
00:19:54I'm a shave, shower, get new clothes, and practice signing your name.
00:19:57My pearl, I bid you all a fondue.
00:20:02Oh, you should lose this hand in an industrial accident.
00:20:05Keep it for me.
00:20:06Gentlemen!
00:20:17Thank you very much.
00:20:25Thank you very much.
00:20:48I brought this for you.
00:20:50It's not exactly a bouquet, but it's a start.
00:20:52So sweet. Were you watching the ballet again tonight?
00:20:55Of course. I'd love to watch you dance.
00:20:57Someday we're going to be on that stage dancing together.
00:20:59At the rate I'm going, I'm not so sure.
00:21:02Alan, don't talk that way.
00:21:03We agreed that if one of us got into a major company,
00:21:05it could only help the both of us.
00:21:07Tonight, I'm going to talk to Volari about you.
00:21:10Oh, I would love that.
00:21:11I mean, no one dances like the great Volari.
00:21:13Except you.
00:21:16Catch!
00:21:18Tickets created?
00:21:20There's no smoking in the sienna.
00:21:25My pleasure.
00:21:43Five and six.
00:21:44Eleven. Now it's your turn.
00:21:46Twenty-five and sixty-seven.
00:21:50Miss!
00:21:51These seats are dreadful.
00:21:52They're facing the stage.
00:22:00Hey, did we miss the coming attraction?
00:22:02Who's the bad guy?
00:22:03Is Tom Cruise in this?
00:22:15Do you work out?
00:22:17Do you work out?
00:22:35I'm looking for the great Volari.
00:22:36Now, he's on stage.
00:22:37And he doesn't appreciate visitors backstage.
00:22:39No, no, no, no.
00:22:40I'm not a visitor.
00:22:41No, this is, this is, this is tricking business.
00:22:43Hey.
00:22:44Is the creep bothering you?
00:22:45No, no.
00:22:46She's quite delightful.
00:22:52Okay, I give up.
00:22:52How come he doesn't throw up?
00:22:59Oh, Mr. Volari, they love you.
00:23:01That audience wouldn't know a ballet from a bullfight.
00:23:04And who are you to speak to me?
00:23:05Why?
00:23:06Where is my towel?
00:23:07I'm right here.
00:23:07When I come off stage, I expect my towel immediately.
00:23:09Do you understand me?
00:23:09I'm sorry.
00:23:10I'm sorry.
00:23:10Fire him.
00:23:14Tina, darling, you are marvelous.
00:23:16Perhaps we should meet in my dressing room after the performance
00:23:19and discuss your career.
00:23:21Oh, I'd like that very much, Mr. Volari.
00:23:26Lisa, darling, I thought we would have dinner tonight
00:23:28after the closing night party.
00:23:30Oh, well, thank you, but I'm afraid I've already made plans.
00:23:33Mr. Volari, I'd like you to meet my friend, Alan Grant.
00:23:36It's a privilege to meet you, Mr. Volari.
00:23:38I'm a huge fan of yours.
00:23:40Well, Alan's a dancer, too, with the performing artist group,
00:23:43the nonprofit ballet troupe.
00:23:45Really, how sweet.
00:23:46It's a fine idea to keep busy until one is good enough
00:23:49to command a salary.
00:23:51My cue.
00:24:15You looked 18, office.
00:24:16Yes, I swear.
00:24:18It's too noisy around here.
00:24:19I'll say I got twice to sleep at a Julio Iglesias concert.
00:24:22This guy's got to get off stage soon.
00:24:24Let's go back, wait for him, sign him up.
00:24:26Excuse us?
00:24:27Excuse me?
00:24:27Do we have to get this plutonium back to the lab?
00:24:39Oh, oh, oh!
00:24:48Oh, oh!
00:24:52Oh!
00:24:53Oh!
00:24:53Oh!
00:24:53Oh!
00:24:53Jacques!
00:24:54You know him?
00:24:55Sure.
00:24:56He used to drive Mr. Oglethorpe to the theatre, and then I'd sneak him into the ballet.
00:25:00I'm gonna be the best man at their wedding.
00:25:01I hope so.
00:25:02Excuse me, but we didn't get your name.
00:25:03Oh, yes, my name's Rocco Melanchek.
00:25:04I'm the Valley World's up-and-coming manager slash agent.
00:25:07I'm here to sign a contract with the great Velary.
00:25:09I hate to burst your bubble, but Velary already has an agent and manager.
00:25:12Oh, that's too bad.
00:25:13Any of them real sick?
00:25:14You don't need Velary.
00:25:16What you need is the next great ballet talent, a young, fresh face.
00:25:19Alan Grant!
00:25:20Exactly!
00:25:20I got it right.
00:25:21Oh, there's my cue.
00:25:22Jacques, convince Mr. Melanchek Alan's the person he's looking for.
00:25:25This is all well and good, but can he dance?
00:25:27Could he make millions?
00:25:29Would he sign a contract for a lot of money but take scale, even his manager with everything
00:25:32else?
00:25:33Sure he would.
00:25:33Wouldn't you, Alan?
00:25:35Alan.
00:25:36Shh.
00:25:36Can't you see he's watching the woman he adores?
00:25:38You're in love with her, aren't you?
00:25:40You bet.
00:25:41When's the wedding?
00:25:42There won't be one, unless I can find a job dancing.
00:25:46To tell you the truth, Mr. Melanchek, I'm about out of money, and I'm gonna have to
00:25:49go back to Minneapolis.
00:25:50I'll tell you what.
00:25:51Don't you buy that plane ticket just yet, because I am gonna get you an audition with
00:25:55Roland T.
00:25:56Flakfizer, ballet director.
00:25:58You could do that?
00:25:59Sure.
00:26:00They're like this.
00:26:03Well, let's go to work, Mr. Melanchek.
00:26:05I now pronounce this dancer and manager.
00:26:07Ah!
00:26:08Yeah!
00:26:10Come in.
00:26:13Tina darling, I'm so glad you've come.
00:26:17You were most inspiring tonight.
00:26:20I can see that under my guidance, your career will soar.
00:26:26Already I can hear the audience roar.
00:26:29Who are you?
00:26:31Roland T. Flakfizer, managing director of the Oglethorpe Flakfizer Ballet Company.
00:26:34You wouldn't happen to have a plunger on you, would you?
00:26:36I beg your pardon?
00:26:37Oh, I see you have a pretty visitor.
00:26:40I'll tell you what.
00:26:41I'll get a girl and we'll double.
00:26:43You have five minutes, Mr. Valari.
00:26:45Five minutes?
00:26:45My God!
00:26:47Have you consulted another doctor?
00:26:48You are out of line.
00:26:49And you're out of toilet paper.
00:26:51But we're still short.
00:26:51One girl.
00:26:52What are you doing here?
00:26:53To sign you for my ballet company.
00:26:55To sign me?
00:26:56For your ballet company?
00:26:58Swear to God, I just said that.
00:27:00Why don't you run along and let us men talk business?
00:27:04Just leave your phone number and favorite color with the manager
00:27:07and later we'll talk business.
00:27:10You're cute, Mr.
00:27:11Garvey.
00:27:12Steve Garvey.
00:27:13I think we have something beautiful, you and I.
00:27:15Someday you'll have my children.
00:27:17In fact, they're out in the car if you want them.
00:27:23Oh, God.
00:27:26Are you still here?
00:27:27I will have you thrown out of the theater.
00:27:29First, we'll talk ballet.
00:27:31I know nothing of your ballet.
00:27:33Then we have a lot in common.
00:27:34I'm the managing director and I don't either.
00:27:36Look, I don't dance for just anyone.
00:27:38I am ballet.
00:27:39My dance shoes are in the Louvre in Paris.
00:27:41So what?
00:27:42Last year I left a raincoat in Cleveland.
00:27:43Do you realize what I was doing at the age of seven?
00:27:46I can imagine.
00:27:47And you must be thankful you didn't go blind.
00:27:49I was dancing professionally.
00:27:51Well, whatever you call it.
00:27:53Flogging the carrot, polishing the cue stick, choking the chicken, clearing the snorkel.
00:27:56But I didn't come back here to rehearse good times.
00:27:59Well, Larry, dance with the Oglethorpe Flakweiser Ballet Company and you can name your price.
00:28:03Money is no object.
00:28:06It isn't mine.
00:28:07Look, I'm offering you a check for $500,000.
00:28:12It's made out to Volare.
00:28:14Great V.
00:28:15I don't dance for the money.
00:28:17But you dance and I'll keep the money.
00:28:18Look, I will not dance for your ballet and that is final.
00:28:21A Flakweiser doesn't know the meaning of the word no.
00:28:23And we're a little fuzzy on the word pagnicluten and viscosity.
00:28:27All right, all right, all right.
00:28:28Let's sweeten the pot.
00:28:29The same money we throw in a girl.
00:28:32No!
00:28:32Then would you object to me getting one?
00:28:34I'm a lonely man, Mr. Volare.
00:28:36I will give you to the count of ten to get out of here.
00:28:38One, two, three!
00:28:39Before you get stuck, somewhere around six, I'll go.
00:28:44If there's anything I can ever do for you, forget it.
00:28:47Because I don't do those kind of things.
00:28:49And for the last time, I warned you about that highly contagious rash.
00:28:53I beg you to see to it at once.
00:28:55Hygiene, Mr. Volare.
00:28:57Hygiene.
00:29:00Mr. Flakweiser.
00:29:01Where?
00:29:02I'm sorry.
00:29:03I thought my father showed up.
00:29:04Come here, come here.
00:29:05Did Volare accept your offer?
00:29:06I didn't know the meaning of the word no.
00:29:07But he had it down pretty good.
00:29:09You wouldn't happen to have a world-famous dancer stuffed in a drawer somewhere, would you?
00:29:12As a matter of fact, I would.
00:29:13His name's Alan Grant.
00:29:14He can dance rings round Volare.
00:29:16He's even more talented than Gorbachev.
00:29:18Gesundheit.
00:29:19Baryshnikov.
00:29:19God bless you, Baryshnikov.
00:29:21Hi, how's it going?
00:29:22How you doing?
00:29:23You're looking very nice today.
00:29:24He's one of the best dancers in the country.
00:29:26Hire him for the ballet.
00:29:27What do you say?
00:29:27No, no, nay, nyet.
00:29:28I have to find some way to sign Volare.
00:29:31When I do that, I'm the director of the ballet and gentlemen that spells cash with a capital
00:29:35K.
00:29:35You should go back to school.
00:29:36I hated teaching.
00:29:39Flakweiser.
00:29:39I thought you were smart.
00:29:40I am smart.
00:29:41I said no to you, didn't I?
00:29:42I'm offering you two incomes.
00:29:44Your paycheck from the ballet company.
00:29:46And then when you sign Alan Grant to dance, another hefty check as part of Alan's management
00:29:49team.
00:29:49But how do we get this past Mrs. Oglethorpe?
00:29:51Relax.
00:29:52After she sees Alan dance, you've got nothing to worry about.
00:29:54Except for taxes, depletion of the ozone layer and diseases due to any sexual contact.
00:29:58That's a load off my mind.
00:30:00All you've got to do is convince Mrs. Oglethorpe to let Alan into the charity bazaar.
00:30:04Are you kidding?
00:30:04I can charm the pants off of her.
00:30:07Now that is a disgusting thought.
00:30:09Gentlemen, you're going to have to sneak him in.
00:30:12Not so fast.
00:30:15You know, I worry about you.
00:30:16I really do.
00:30:17We're going to make this legal.
00:30:18We need a contract.
00:30:19A binding document with plenty of loopholes.
00:30:21Exactly.
00:30:22Jacques, draw up the standard contract, would you please?
00:30:56We've got years to go before we even come close to the Japanese.
00:31:02Right, sign that.
00:31:04This paper's blank.
00:31:05I'll fill it in later.
00:31:06Fair enough.
00:31:07You're not going to cheat me or anything?
00:31:08I can give you my word as a gentleman.
00:31:10Well, you had me until then.
00:31:12All right, all right.
00:31:1350-50 split.
00:31:15Ah, now this is more like it.
00:31:17What about me?
00:31:18To show you no favoritism, Rocco and I will also split your salary 50-50.
00:31:23Thanks.
00:31:24That should keep you out of a higher income bracket.
00:31:26Come to think of it, that should keep you out of any income bracket.
00:31:28Rocco, Jacques, tomorrow, Alan Grant joins the Oglethorpe Ballet Company.
00:31:38Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the ninth annual Oglethorpe Charity Festival.
00:31:47Let's go.
00:31:47It gives me great pleasure to announce the Oglethorpe Ballet Company will be leaving for New York tomorrow.
00:31:56You two go and get dressed.
00:31:57We'll be ready in ten minutes.
00:31:58Ten minutes?
00:31:58We'll be ready.
00:31:59And you're going to be a star.
00:32:01You know, if you keep this up, I may even start to believe it.
00:32:03Nice to have a chance to make someone's wish come true.
00:32:09Oh, that's a nice thing to do.
00:32:22Uh-huh.
00:32:23Well, how did the market close?
00:32:24Uh-huh.
00:32:25Well, roll over my amalgamated, split my utilities and double my capital venture overlays.
00:32:29Now, call me in an hour and tell me what the hell I'm talking about.
00:32:32Pull over.
00:32:33Everybody else, sir?
00:32:34We've got everything so under control, it's pathetic.
00:32:37And so is he.
00:32:37Good.
00:32:38Driver, drive on!
00:32:40Look out for that truck!
00:32:41Sophie!
00:32:42Lillian!
00:32:43Get this thing up on the rack and have it overhauled.
00:32:45Better yet, why don't you get up on the rack and I'll see you in an hour.
00:32:48Avante!
00:32:54Oh, there you are!
00:32:56Come, darling!
00:32:57Have you come to see Manny?
00:32:59What a charming little animal.
00:33:00Oh!
00:33:01Oh!
00:33:02Do you know dogs, Mr. Melon Shag?
00:33:04Know dogs?
00:33:05I used to be a chef in a Korean restaurant.
00:33:07Oh!
00:33:07Good food.
00:33:08Good friends.
00:33:09Good conversation.
00:33:10Roman, I'm so upset that Harry turned us down.
00:33:13I know what a slap in our collective faces.
00:33:16Like I told you, he has no respect for our ballet.
00:33:19I wouldn't want a man like that dancing for me.
00:33:22Or with me, for that matter.
00:33:23I offered him half the moon.
00:33:25I keep asking myself, why didn't he sign with us?
00:33:27Probably because he said he wouldn't work with you if you were the last person on earth.
00:33:30What was that?
00:33:31Nothing.
00:33:32Fetch!
00:33:33My darling Lillian, Volare has shunned us.
00:33:37Hold your chins up high, for I have discovered a fabulous young dancer.
00:33:42A talent that soars.
00:33:44Volare!
00:33:44It's Volare!
00:33:45Oh, good heavens!
00:33:47It's him!
00:33:48Do mine.
00:33:48It's Volare!
00:33:49Step back, step back, step back.
00:33:51Lillian, permit me to introduce the great Volare.
00:33:55I've seen greater.
00:33:56Signor Volare, I understand you've refused to dance with our company.
00:34:00The truth of the matter is, Mr. Volare won't work with Mr. Flagfizer.
00:34:04But, my dear Lillian, I'm happy to announce that I have signed Mr. Volare to dance with and to be
00:34:11the artistic director of the Oglethorpe Ballet Company.
00:34:15Ladies and gentlemen, the overture has started.
00:34:17Overture to what?
00:34:18The ballet find of the century.
00:34:19Ah-ha!
00:34:20What?
00:34:21Roland!
00:34:21Roland!
00:34:22Top-class ballet!
00:34:23This way!
00:34:24Lillian, just a little surprise I cooked up.
00:34:26If you don't like it, it was Rocco's idea.
00:34:28Oh, Roland, I'd love a surprise.
00:34:46Oh.
00:34:48Oh, my God.
00:35:19Oh, my God.
00:35:48Oh, my God.
00:36:25Oh, my God.
00:36:30Mrs. Oglethorpe, meet the future world champion of ballet, Mr. Alan Grant.
00:36:35It's a pleasure.
00:36:36Nice to meet you.
00:36:37Mrs. Oglethorpe, I would like to make an announcement.
00:36:40He's being deported.
00:36:41I have found my prima ballerina, the lovely Miss Lisa Le Barron.
00:36:45What?
00:36:47But what about Alan?
00:36:48Shall we say, a most unusual technique.
00:36:51Perhaps better suited to experimental theater.
00:36:53You can't talk to my client like that.
00:36:55If Alan isn't in the company, I won't be either.
00:36:57Neither will I.
00:36:58That's a victory for all mankind.
00:37:00You're making a mistake, my dear.
00:37:02Lisa, I agree with Valary.
00:37:04But Alan will be apart for months.
00:37:06Remember when you told me that with you dancing, it would be good for both of us?
00:37:09Yes, but...
00:37:10When Valary makes you a star, you can choose anyone on earth to dance with.
00:37:13Dance with the Oglethorpe.
00:37:15Come on.
00:37:15I'll be the proudest guy in the country.
00:37:18All right.
00:37:19You've made a wise choice, my dear.
00:37:21Then it's settled.
00:37:22I am so excited.
00:37:23You're excited.
00:37:24Feel these nipples.
00:37:26Now, Lillian, about the directorship of the Bally Company.
00:37:29Oh, yes, yes, of course, Edmund.
00:37:32You have brought us the great Valary.
00:37:35And dear Roland has presented us with our ballerina.
00:37:39I think it only fair that you and Roland share the honor.
00:37:44Flatfizer, this is preposterous.
00:37:46Imposterous, is it?
00:37:47Why don't we step outside and settle this like men?
00:37:50We are outside.
00:37:51Why don't we step inside and settle this like women?
00:37:53Or are you afraid, Laszlo?
00:37:55I'm twice the man you are.
00:37:57So is she.
00:37:58And it's driving me mad.
00:38:00Oh, Lillian, can't you see I'm on fire?
00:38:02Oh.
00:38:03And you, you contemptible car!
00:38:05Maybe you don't want to work for Mrs. Oglethorpe!
00:38:08Is that so, Edmund?
00:38:09Of course not.
00:38:10I will do anything that is best for the ballet.
00:38:13Well, there's no need to commit suicide.
00:38:15And to show you no hard feelings, how about a cigar?
00:38:18I don't smoke.
00:38:19Well, I do.
00:38:20Why don't you run out and get me one?
00:38:21And now, since I'm in charge of the ballet,
00:38:24I'm just jamming that thought home,
00:38:25I propose a toast.
00:38:28Champagne!
00:38:28I'm not going to work with such an uncouth pig.
00:38:31Certainly, Mr. Belovitz.
00:38:32Now it's done to New York!
00:38:34And a hefty per diem.
00:38:56Good morning, Mr. Flexweiser.
00:38:58Good morning.
00:38:58Here you go.
00:38:59Here you go.
00:39:00I'm all out of American currency.
00:39:01Yeah, take a fistful of the Romanian 50s, all right?
00:39:12Good morning.
00:39:13Morning, Mr. Flexweiser.
00:39:14Good morning.
00:39:15Good morning, Mr. Flexweiser.
00:39:18Good morning.
00:39:19Good morning, Mr. Flexweiser.
00:39:21Good morning.
00:39:21Good morning, Mr. Flexweiser.
00:39:27Good morning.
00:39:28Good morning, Mr. Flexweiser.
00:39:29Good morning.
00:39:30Good morning, Mr. Blackburn.
00:39:40The end of another grueling day.
00:39:44The press conference is to begin in five minutes.
00:39:48Roland seems to be running a little late.
00:39:50Late? That Chardon hasn't been around in weeks.
00:39:53I don't know why you put up with him.
00:39:55He's never in his office. He never responds to his calls.
00:39:58He's totally irresponsible.
00:40:02Lisa! Relax, my dear.
00:40:05Everyone is nervous their first time.
00:40:07Just follow my lead. I'm very experienced.
00:40:11That's very kind of you, Mr. Valori.
00:40:13Oh, come on. Call me Roberto.
00:40:15Roberto?
00:40:17Lisa, I know an intimate little bistro with a fabulous view of the city.
00:40:23Perhaps dinner and an all-night boat ride, hmm?
00:40:26Well, I don't really think that would be such a good idea.
00:40:30I hope I'm interrupting something.
00:40:32Volare, you know it's not polite to drool in public.
00:40:34Roland, I haven't seen you for weeks.
00:40:38Ah, Lillian, my pile of sweetness, I'm so sorry.
00:40:42I've been busy promoting our ballet at beauty pageants.
00:40:46And then, of course, there's my volunteer work at the Breast Implant Clinic.
00:40:49And how I missed you.
00:40:50In fact, I missed you so much, two days ago I went out and I bought a woman who looks
00:40:54just like you.
00:40:55Oh, you silly!
00:40:57For you.
00:40:58For you.
00:40:59From you.
00:41:00Another lovely bracelet.
00:41:02I didn't want this wrist to think I was neglecting it.
00:41:04Oh, Roland.
00:41:06Lillian, I...
00:41:07Laszlo, I didn't see you there.
00:41:08I stayed correct that I saw you, but I chose to ignore you.
00:41:11Oh.
00:41:12Lisa, my darling?
00:41:14You excuse us, two's company and three's an adult movie.
00:41:48Mrs. Oglethorpe, may we start?
00:41:51Oh, please.
00:41:52Mr. Fox or what?
00:41:55Ladies and gentlemen, for many weeks now, the Oglethorpe Ballet Company have been in rehearsal.
00:42:00Tomorrow, we open with Roberto Bellari's interpretation of Tears of the Swap.
00:42:06At this time, I wish to introduce to you the creative genius behind our company.
00:42:13The brightest light in the ballet effeminate.
00:42:16Thank you for those kind words, Edmund Laszlo.
00:42:19I don't know who does your hair, but tell me, where do they do it and when are they bringing
00:42:23it back?
00:42:24Well, I had a speech all prepared, but today I'm going to speak from the heart.
00:42:30You've no doubt asked yourself, why has he been chosen for this task of running the Oglethorpe?
00:42:36Well, the whole story is right here in my autobiography, Flakweiser, A Man's Man.
00:42:42But I like women a lot more.
00:42:44My intimate views of Jackie, Cher, Sean, Larry, Mo, Curly.
00:42:48Over 200 pages of provocative pictures and only one page has any writing on it.
00:42:52Act now and you can get one of these fabulous Flakweiser is ballet t-shirts.
00:42:57MasterCard and visas accepted.
00:42:59That brings me to the task at hand.
00:43:02To introduce the woman I adore.
00:43:05Behind every great man is a woman.
00:43:07And thank heaven I have Lillian Oglethorpe, because quite frankly, I enjoy the shade.
00:43:13Dear Lillian, soon I hope to take you on a Caribbean cruise,
00:43:17where we can hold hands on a soft summer's evening and watch that old Jamaican moon.
00:43:24Why that old Jamaican will be mooning us, I have no idea.
00:43:27Ooh.
00:43:28And now here she is, the woman voted by her senior class,
00:43:32most likely to go up a few dress sizes.
00:43:35A woman who would be a man, except her name is Lillian, Lillian Oglethorpe.
00:43:44Thank you, thank you.
00:43:49Hey, hey, what's with all the tears?
00:43:52This should be the happiest night of your life.
00:43:55I know it should be, it's just that I miss Alan so much.
00:43:59I feel the same way for the man I love was thousands of miles away.
00:44:02Of course, I'd be living a whole different lifestyle.
00:44:04Here, come with me, I know just the thing to cheer you up.
00:44:07If you just step right in here, my dear, your spirits might just brighten.
00:44:12But that's Mr. Vallari's dressing room.
00:44:14Of course.
00:44:15He's got the best champagne.
00:44:19Oh, Alan!
00:44:21Lisa!
00:44:23Black Pfizer flew Alan out to see you in the opening of the ballet.
00:44:26It's a formal affair.
00:44:27You have tuxedos?
00:44:28I got mine.
00:44:34It's great for tomorrow, but aren't you a little overdressed for today?
00:44:36Oh, no.
00:44:42I'm very impressed.
00:44:43I don't have any luggage.
00:44:44Then this all makes sense.
00:44:45I was worried there for a second.
00:44:47Mr. Black Pfizer, thank you.
00:44:51I see you're saving your best stuff for Alan.
00:44:56I think we should leave the lovers alone for a few minutes.
00:45:02We'll make that a few hours.
00:45:11I missed you so much.
00:45:13I don't want us to be apart ever again.
00:45:17I told you before!
00:45:18Oh, my God, it's Vallari.
00:45:19It won't happen.
00:45:20You better hide.
00:45:20Don't hang my tight by the crotch.
00:45:23It throws off my bow.
00:45:24Yes, I'm sorry.
00:45:28Lisa, what a pleasant surprise.
00:45:31I see you decided to start our little party early, eh?
00:45:34Roberto, you've got the wrong idea.
00:45:36Oh, no.
00:45:37I think I've got the right idea.
00:45:39Roberto!
00:45:40Stop it!
00:45:40Get your hands off of her!
00:45:45You!
00:45:46What are you doing here?
00:45:47Mr. Black Pfizer flew me out.
00:45:49Well, you and Mr. Black Pfizer are going to be sorry for this!
00:45:55Good luck!
00:45:56What happened?
00:45:56It's Black Pfizer!
00:45:58He's brought that performance artist out here!
00:46:00Hasn't that information arrived yet?
00:46:02No, but we may not need it.
00:46:04I have devised a little plan.
00:46:06He's staying at Lillian's townhouse.
00:46:08All we have to do is make a few arrangements.
00:46:27Oh, no.
00:46:29Lillian?
00:46:30Oh, no.
00:46:33Oh, no.
00:46:40Well, no one's in.
00:46:41Roland!
00:46:44This is just a business call.
00:46:46I didn't think you were back so soon.
00:46:49Roland.
00:46:51Lillian?
00:46:53Can't we just be friends?
00:46:56Why, you're not Lillian!
00:46:58You're gonna spank me?
00:47:00We can start there and see what happens.
00:47:03Are we alone?
00:47:05Oh, servants have the day off.
00:47:07Lillian is already at the theater.
00:47:09But I'm here!
00:47:10Take me.
00:47:12Okay.
00:47:12Let's see.
00:47:13Two to three falls.
00:47:14No standing A count.
00:47:16Wait.
00:47:17I want to make love by candlelight.
00:47:20I could do you one better.
00:47:27I think this is more in keeping with things to come.
00:47:37I don't know.
00:47:38Not a bad little pad Lillian's got here.
00:47:41Was that the doorbell?
00:47:43That wasn't you?
00:47:44Never mind.
00:47:45Just ignore it.
00:47:46It's a big house.
00:47:48Maybe they can't hear the bell.
00:47:49Let's try this.
00:47:51Wait a minute.
00:47:52I'll be right back.
00:47:55If you need anything, there's plenty of batteries in my room.
00:48:03Let me try this.
00:48:05Good idea.
00:48:06You go through the window.
00:48:07If the alarm goes off, I'll run away so they won't catch both of us.
00:48:09We don't want any!
00:48:10Oh, it's you.
00:48:11We have to talk.
00:48:12It's very important.
00:48:13Look.
00:48:13The next half hour, give or take 29 minutes, will be very important for me.
00:48:17So, thanks for dropping by.
00:48:18Give it.
00:48:19Black Pfizer!
00:48:22My face is familiar.
00:48:23It's mine.
00:48:24And so it is.
00:48:25If you ever visit this planet again, give me a call.
00:48:27We'll have lunch.
00:48:28Black Pfizer.
00:48:29How come you didn't knock?
00:48:31I'm using a better grade of gas.
00:48:34That's not bad, is it?
00:48:36I always enjoy it when we get together.
00:48:38But I want you out.
00:48:39I'll be forced to kill you.
00:48:40Of course, I'll tell the police I did it out of love.
00:48:43Blackie!
00:48:44Aren't you coming to bed?
00:48:46That's a girl.
00:48:47Not just a girl.
00:48:48A way of life.
00:48:49What if Mrs. Oglethorpe comes back?
00:48:51She'll have to wait her turn.
00:48:52I saw Tina first.
00:48:53Don't you see?
00:48:54Laszlo wants Mrs. Oglethorpe to catch you in bed with her.
00:48:57Oh, no!
00:48:59Mrs. Oglethorpe!
00:49:01I've been in situations like this before.
00:49:03We are calm.
00:49:05Stay cool.
00:49:08Ah!
00:49:11Okay, okay, okay, okay.
00:49:12Tina leaves my back door and no one is any the wiser.
00:49:15It's an old Gary Hart trick.
00:49:17I'm not leaving until I'm satisfied.
00:49:24Oh!
00:49:25Oh!
00:49:26Oh!
00:49:26Oh!
00:49:27Oh!
00:49:27Oh!
00:49:27You big brood!
00:49:28You really have such a nice light touch with women.
00:49:30Oh!
00:49:31You big brood!
00:49:32Oh!
00:49:33Oh!
00:49:35Oh!
00:49:39Oh!
00:49:40Oh!
00:49:42Oh!
00:49:43Oh!
00:49:43Oh!
00:49:43Oh!
00:49:44In here!
00:49:45In here!
00:49:45Not there!
00:49:46She can't be found there!
00:49:47That's my room!
00:49:49I don't know why you're still returning to my room.
00:49:52We can't miss the final dress rehearsal of the ballet.
00:49:55Oh, Lillian, my dear.
00:49:56We can't go without Flakweiser.
00:49:58I just thought it would make for a bitter appearance if we all arrive at the same turning.
00:50:03You have been looking at your watch all morning, Edmund.
00:50:06Your behaviour is most peculiar.
00:50:09You big animal!
00:50:11What was that?
00:50:12We must investigate.
00:50:14Edmund!
00:50:15What is this?
00:50:16You relentless sex, darling!
00:50:18Oh, great.
00:50:19Now she's talking about me.
00:50:20What was that?
00:50:22Jack, show her what will happen if she doesn't shut up.
00:50:28That came from your suite!
00:50:30Hire her!
00:50:30My bedroom!
00:50:33Ah-ha!
00:50:34Ninety-eight, ninety-nine, one-hundred.
00:50:38Lillian!
00:50:39Laszlo!
00:50:40My two favourite L's!
00:50:41What on earth are you doing here at this ungodly hour?
00:50:44I know you're up to something, Flakweiser!
00:50:46Snap inspection.
00:50:47Roland!
00:50:49What are you doing in my bedroom?
00:50:51This is your room?
00:50:52Thank God!
00:50:53I thought someone sewed up all my fly holes.
00:50:57Laszlo, how about the three of us going down to the kitchen and making a big sandwich?
00:51:00I hardly think so.
00:51:02I'm going to check under the bed.
00:51:04Ah!
00:51:06Edmund!
00:51:06What on earth has gotten into you?
00:51:09Achoo!
00:51:12Roland!
00:51:13Be more careful!
00:51:14Oh!
00:51:14You did that on purpose!
00:51:16You're trying to conceal the fact that...
00:51:18Ah!
00:51:20You're sweet!
00:51:22And I think you're pretty terrific yourself.
00:51:25You stay here.
00:51:26There's no telling what he may do in this crazy state!
00:51:29Laszlo!
00:51:30I say, Laszlo!
00:51:31What are you looking for?
00:51:32A woman!
00:51:33How about calling an escort service?
00:51:35I'm calling the police!
00:51:37Oh!
00:51:38Excuse me.
00:51:39I'm so sorry.
00:51:40I'll be there.
00:51:41I'll be there.
00:51:41I'll be there.
00:51:42I'll be there.
00:51:43The guest bedrooms!
00:51:51Shhh!
00:51:53Shhh!
00:51:54Shhh!
00:51:56Shhh!
00:52:01Roland!
00:52:03What is all the commotion?
00:52:04It's Laszlo!
00:52:05I've never seen him like this!
00:52:06Oh!
00:52:06Quick in here!
00:52:07While you're in there, why don't you make the bed?
00:52:10I know she's here somewhere!
00:52:12Laszlo!
00:52:12What?
00:52:16What was that?
00:52:17I don't know, but it came from in here.
00:52:19Oh!
00:52:22Edmund!
00:52:23This is outrageous!
00:52:25I-I-I-I-I-I can't explain!
00:52:27He's got a woman tied up!
00:52:29Edmund!
00:52:29She looks dazed and drugged!
00:52:31No!
00:52:32He's obviously the grand dragon of some-some sex slave cult!
00:52:35Oh!
00:52:36And she looks like she's about 15!
00:52:37No!
00:52:38No!
00:52:38No!
00:52:38Okay, 14 then.
00:52:39In fact, I know she's 14 because I was dating her a year ago!
00:52:41Edmund, I want you out of my house this instant!
00:52:44Ah!
00:52:45If I had to take a wild guess, I'd say you're out of a job!
00:52:49I hope there's no hard feelings.
00:52:51You know, Laszlo, this is a good look for you.
00:52:54Fackfizer!
00:52:56Yoo-hoo, Laszlo!
00:52:57I've eaten!
00:52:58Ha ha ha!
00:53:01Ah!
00:53:02Lillian!
00:53:03Quick!
00:53:03Smelling salts!
00:53:04And a crane if you got one!
00:53:07Oh my goodness, you've done it now, Laszlo.
00:53:10I don't feel a thing.
00:53:12This woman is dead.
00:53:13You're holding his wrist!
00:53:14And this man is dead.
00:53:15Mrs. Oglethorpe is unconscious!
00:53:17Smelling salts!
00:53:18Run away!
00:53:19Hello, excuse me, gentlemen. Triple-speed messenger service.
00:53:22I got a message here for a guy named Laszlo.
00:53:25Give me that.
00:53:27Ah, this is a litany of fraudulent accident cases,
00:53:32bad deaths, and several police departments
00:53:35who would love to get their hands on you.
00:53:36And when Mrs. Overthold comes to, she will read this,
00:53:40and she will have no course but to fire you!
00:53:43Quick, try some chloroform.
00:53:48I'm taking Lillian to the hospital.
00:53:49You help me get her to the car.
00:53:51Why don't you take him along for a brain scan?
00:53:53Get clear. Easy.
00:53:56What are we going to do now?
00:53:58What any Flackfizer would do?
00:54:00What, something devious and underhanded?
00:54:01You know the family.
00:54:03If we don't get that letter from Laszlo before Lillian wakes up,
00:54:06we're dead ducks.
00:54:17Multiple fractures?
00:54:18Lucky day.
00:54:19The name's Flackfizer.
00:54:21No job too small, no fee too large.
00:54:23If any limb falls off, mail it to me.
00:54:24It can only strengthen our case.
00:54:26Roland T. Flackfizer, this is your lucky day.
00:54:28The greatest fan's dead.
00:54:29Then he won't be needing this.
00:54:30I'm almost all out of business, guys.
00:54:31Excuse me.
00:54:32What are you gentlemen doing here?
00:54:33Ah, we need to see Mrs. Lillian Oglethorpe.
00:54:35I'm afraid that's not possible.
00:54:37She's on a private floor.
00:54:38Hospital personnel and doctors only.
00:54:43Hi, Eb Breckerman, security.
00:54:45There's a Mercedes on fire in the doctor's parking lot.
00:54:48What?
00:54:51What?
00:54:56When will Mrs. Oglethorpe regain consciousness?
00:54:59She's under a sedative.
00:55:00You'll have to ask the doctor.
00:55:02You called?
00:55:03At last.
00:55:04Ah-ha!
00:55:05Ah-ha!
00:55:07Mm-hmm.
00:55:08I don't know what her here.
00:55:09What?
00:55:10Al-Cov, dark meat or white?
00:55:11Now, this is a very important woman, and I hope you know your business.
00:55:14Hey, so do we.
00:55:15I just want to assure you that we've been doctors for many, many floors now.
00:55:18You're not the doctor I saw earlier.
00:55:19He caught what she got.
00:55:20We're filling in.
00:55:22She's been out since she came here?
00:55:23Yes.
00:55:24And so she hasn't been able to read anything then, huh?
00:55:26Of course not.
00:55:27Good.
00:55:27Then we'll bring on complications.
00:55:28Not for her, necessarily, but complications nonetheless.
00:55:32She's coming too, doctor.
00:55:33Now we've got complications.
00:55:35She's going out, doctor.
00:55:36The crisis is over.
00:55:37This is ludicrous.
00:55:38I don't think anyone will argue that point.
00:55:40Oh!
00:55:47Let the games begin.
00:55:48It's the first annual vasectomy bowl.
00:55:50What is going on?
00:55:52A happy doctor is a good doctor.
00:55:54What is the meaning of this?
00:55:55Are you sure you're a doctor?
00:55:58That's got to hurt.
00:55:59At least I hope it does.
00:56:01Doctor, we'll have to win a few tests.
00:56:02Table for one.
00:56:04There you go.
00:56:05Ground transportation courtesy of Medicare.
00:56:08You say Aoife, and I say Ila.
00:56:11Aoife, Ila.
00:56:12Oh, please proceed.
00:56:13I'm just checking on Mrs. Oglethorpe.
00:56:16Doctor?
00:56:17Doctor?
00:56:17Yes, doctor.
00:56:18Yes, doctor.
00:56:18Doctor?
00:56:19Doctor.
00:56:19Doctor.
00:56:20Yes.
00:56:21I thought we'd have to perform a full rectomology.
00:56:23Manjou, an epidemic.
00:56:24Drop those pants.
00:56:25Not you, the patient.
00:56:27I thought you were a cardiologist.
00:56:28Oh, well, they're all connected.
00:56:29We enter the rectum and head north.
00:56:30Why do you think we have such long instruments?
00:56:33X-rays for Dr. Blasey.
00:56:34I'll take those.
00:56:35I deal on X-rays.
00:56:36Oh, I see you do, too.
00:56:37I used to work at Las Vegas General.
00:56:39Security to room 1404.
00:56:41Yeah, hit me.
00:56:43I'll play these.
00:56:44Gratum and weeds, three hearts.
00:56:45It needs a pair of kidneys.
00:56:49Doctor, your diagnosis?
00:56:50Difficult to tell from the negative.
00:56:52It's the liver.
00:56:53Looks more like veal to me.
00:56:54What is this, doctor?
00:56:55It's an obstruction in the fourth lumbar.
00:56:56Yeah, a huge backup in the lower intestine.
00:56:57Then my advice is to avoid the intestine and plan an alternate route.
00:57:00Grab a left at the first major artery and get on the fifth lumbar heading south.
00:57:03Skeletal update every hour on the hour.
00:57:05Gentlemen, time for cell check-ups.
00:57:08Got to be here somewhere.
00:57:09Aha!
00:57:10The operation is a success.
00:57:12Success.
00:57:13Success.
00:57:13Doctors, we're done here.
00:57:16Arrest those men.
00:57:17Yeah.
00:57:17Yeah.
00:57:20Come here.
00:57:21Come here.
00:57:25Come here.
00:57:25Come here.
00:57:26Come here.
00:57:28Come here.
00:57:28Stay still, all right?
00:57:29Come on.
00:57:29There you go.
00:57:30Come on.
00:57:31Come on.
00:57:31Stand.
00:57:34So you are the doctors.
00:57:36No, we're not them.
00:57:37We're someone else.
00:57:38The three you're looking for are our twin brothers.
00:57:40And you'll never see us together because we love the same women.
00:57:42That's next on Araldo.
00:57:43Roland.
00:57:44Yes.
00:57:45What are you doing here?
00:57:46That's a good question.
00:57:47What am I doing here?
00:57:48Impersonating a doctor, harassing a patient, altering medical records.
00:57:51Trespassing, destroying hospital property, and don't forget Alan punching out Volari.
00:57:54Whose side are you on, anyway?
00:57:55Give me that.
00:57:56Ah!
00:57:57Stealing private property.
00:57:58Could happen to anyone.
00:57:59Society's to blame.
00:58:00There's too much violence in the movies.
00:58:02It's my environment.
00:58:02We were carrying out orders.
00:58:03It's the Japanese that's buying up everything.
00:58:05Did we leave anything out?
00:58:11Could I have a personalized number?
00:58:13Is my hair okay?
00:58:14Okay.
00:58:18Okay.
00:58:33I'll be your pockets.
00:58:35I'll be your pockets.
00:58:37I'll be your pockets.
00:59:09You can make one call.
00:59:12Hello, sports line?
00:59:14Steamer.
00:59:14Hi, this is Rocco.
00:59:16Am I on the air?
00:59:17My eyes.
00:59:30Hot whiskey.
00:59:32Peace.
00:59:33Oops.
00:59:38Oh, my house.
00:59:43I was in the air.
00:59:45I saw her.
00:59:46Oops.
00:59:46I definitely knew that.
00:59:46I'll be your pockets.
00:59:54Listen, you want a train, let me just ask the way you need it.
00:59:59I need it.
01:00:08Be careful with that.
01:00:09Do you know who this man is?
01:00:10This is Jackson Pollock, Jr., son of Roy Lichtenstein.
01:00:13In a few years, this could be worth millions.
01:00:18Nobody knows the trouble I've seen.
01:00:25Nobody knows my sorrow.
01:00:33What's it all about, Alfie?
01:00:39Is it just for the moment we live?
01:00:43What's it all about when you're sorting out, Alfie?
01:00:53Ma-wee ma-way, ma-wee ma-way, ma-wee ma-way, ma-wee ma-way, ma-wee ma-way,
01:01:00ma-wee ma-way, ma-wee ma-way.
01:01:01In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight.
01:01:08In the jungle, the quiet jungle
01:01:11The lion sleeps to die
01:01:13Hey, hey, hey!
01:01:15Move it, move it, move it, move it
01:01:17Hey!
01:01:18Hey!
01:01:19You got visitors.
01:01:20Maybe it's somebody with a recording contract.
01:01:22Alan, Lisa!
01:01:23You can go home, fellas.
01:01:24You bribed to God?
01:01:25I paid your bail.
01:01:26How did you do that?
01:01:27I used my severance pay.
01:01:28You have servants?
01:01:29No.
01:01:30Velary fired me.
01:01:32Seems I wasn't appreciative enough.
01:01:34He can't do that.
01:01:35Nah, he's done it all right.
01:01:36And now he's dancing with Lisa's understudy.
01:01:38Not the one with the large chest.
01:01:40There's nobody in the company like that.
01:01:41There would be if I was still running things.
01:01:43This is terrible.
01:01:44And Velary's vowed to blackball us
01:01:45from ever dancing for a major ballet company.
01:01:47That's not fair!
01:01:48I know.
01:01:49And it's all my fault.
01:01:51Oh, it's your fault, huh?
01:01:53Alan, don't talk that way.
01:01:56I wouldn't dance with Velary
01:01:57if he were the last man on earth.
01:01:59Wait a minute.
01:02:00Just because you're not in a ballet
01:02:02doesn't mean you won't dance tonight.
01:02:03Flakfizer's right.
01:02:05I don't know why,
01:02:06but he's right.
01:02:07And I think it's about time
01:02:08for Alan to make his New York debut.
01:02:10To the theater
01:02:11and not a minute to lose!
01:02:19Break a leg, Mr. Velary.
01:02:21Grazie.
01:02:22Tina, that leg.
01:02:24Mmm.
01:02:28Break a leg, Mr. Velary.
01:02:30Grazie.
01:02:54Break a leg, Mr. Velary.
01:02:56Grazie.
01:03:06Five minutes, Mr. Velary.
01:03:07Five minutes?
01:03:09Oh, my God.
01:03:10Where are they going?
01:03:11Four minutes, Mr. Velary.
01:03:13Four minutes?
01:03:15No, I perceive you that.
01:03:17Three minutes, Mr. Jolson.
01:03:19What's going on here?
01:03:22Where do you want these, Mr. Velary?
01:03:25Anywhere, anywhere.
01:03:26Just keep them out of my way.
01:03:27Come on, come on, come on.
01:03:28Hurry up, hurry up.
01:03:29Get out of here.
01:03:29Get out of here.
01:03:30Hey, you too.
01:03:31You too.
01:03:32Out.
01:03:33Where do you want these, Mr. Velary?
01:03:37What's going on here?
01:03:39How do I know?
01:03:40Jackie, what's the matter?
01:03:41You lost your mind?
01:03:43Lobster gram for Mr. Velary.
01:03:44Lobster gram.
01:03:45Oh, there you are.
01:03:45For he's a jolly good fellow.
01:03:47For he's a jolly good fellow.
01:03:49Who is he?
01:03:49He's a jolly good fellow.
01:03:50Che cosa ha fatto?
01:03:52He has to clear this truth.
01:03:55Out I want everybody.
01:03:56Nobody can.
01:03:57And out of here he's time.
01:03:59Low pretty sure he'll be.
01:04:01For he's a jolly good fellow.
01:04:05Everybody can.
01:04:08Everybody can.
01:04:09Nobody can.
01:04:09Land, Lord.
01:04:10For he's a jolly good fellow.
01:04:12For he's a jolly good fellow.
01:04:16He's a jolly good fellow.
01:04:17He will leave them here.
01:04:18Turn out of here.
01:04:20Pizza.
01:04:26Mr. Velary is coming.
01:04:27Places, please.
01:04:34Tonight is your night, my dear.
01:04:37Thanks to you, Edmond.
01:04:39After the performance,
01:04:40I will announce you as the sole director
01:04:43of our ballet company.
01:04:44If I do say so myself,
01:04:45the ballet is in good hands.
01:04:47How could I ever have trusted someone
01:04:49as nefarious as Roland Flakfizer?
01:04:52I don't wish to hear his name mentioned ever again.
01:04:55I love you.
01:06:31I'm going to turn you down to your regularly scheduled programming.
01:06:34Come here.
01:06:35Get the police.
01:06:36Now.
01:06:44Oh!
01:06:50Oh!
01:06:51Oh!
01:06:56Oh!
01:06:58Oh!
01:07:00Oh!
01:07:01Oh!
01:07:12Oh!
01:07:14Oh!
01:07:25Oh!
01:07:26Oh!
01:07:26Oh!
01:07:28Oh!
01:07:28Oh!
01:07:30Oh!
01:07:32Oh!
01:07:32Hold it!
01:07:32Oh, my God.
01:08:06A drink for Lauren.
01:08:58I will not continue unless you put a stop to this.
01:09:01Yes, sir!
01:09:49I will not continue.
01:09:52I will not continue.
01:09:54I will not continue.
01:10:00I will not continue.
01:10:28I will not continue.
01:11:01I will not continue.
01:11:28Anyone?
01:11:30You rang?
01:11:31Roland, what is happening?
01:11:33Ballet history.
01:12:02I will not continue.
01:12:10When do we go on?
01:12:11Let's see.
01:12:12Right about now.
01:12:13I will not continue.
01:12:16I will not continue.
01:12:48I will not continue.
01:12:51I will not continue.
01:13:00I will not continue.
01:13:14Maybe they are trying to tell you something.
01:13:15Why?
01:13:16Quit!
01:13:16That is what they are trying to tell you.
01:13:18Officers!
01:13:19Take these people away.
01:13:21Oh, my God!
01:13:22He is going to go!
01:13:22Oh, my God!
01:13:24What are you saying?
01:13:25He can use a gift certificate to the Benny Ford Center.
01:13:28We will have lunch right after the lobotomy.
01:13:30Always remember, nobody likes you.
01:13:57What?
01:13:58What the?
01:13:59Where is this?
01:14:00One, two, three...
01:14:02Get back out there!
01:14:17Listen to that crowd!
01:14:19You're a ballet legend.
01:14:20And you're not even dead yet.
01:14:21Oh, Roland, I'm so glad I trusted you.
01:14:25Rest assured, my darling, I will never leave your side again.
01:14:39What's that?
01:14:42Whoa!
01:14:45Hey!
01:14:46Whoa!
01:14:49Hmm.
01:14:54I can't find you.
01:14:56Hooray!
01:14:56Oh!
01:14:57Hey!
01:14:58Ah!
01:15:00Yeah!
01:15:01Oh!
01:15:01Oh!
01:15:02Oh!
01:15:02Oh!
01:15:02Oh, hello.
01:15:07Whoa!
01:15:09Oh!
01:15:11Oh, hey!
01:15:13Bye.
01:15:17Bye.
01:15:21Bye!
01:15:23Bye!
01:15:24Bye!
01:15:26Bye!
01:15:28Ah!
01:15:28Bye!
01:15:29Oh, my God.
01:16:26Oh, my God.
01:16:54Oh, my God.
01:16:59Oh, my God.
01:17:36Oh, my God.
01:18:26Oh, my God.
01:18:29Oh, my God.
01:18:59Oh, my God.
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