- 14 hours ago
Mind Your Language Season 1 Episode 1 The First Lesson
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:10Do-do-do-do-do
00:30Do-do-do-do-do-do-wa
00:31Do-do-do-do-do-wa
00:34Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop
00:48Enter
00:54Squeeze me please, lady
00:57Yes, what is it?
00:58I'm coming here for to be learning the English yeah oh no I'm Ali my name is
01:07Ali Ali Nadim I'm coming here for to be learning the English ah yes yes you
01:12wish to join our new class English as a foreign language yes please and I'm
01:17hoping to be unrolled to be unrolled like it say in your syllabus you mean
01:26hoping to be enrolled that is what I said hoping to be unrolled yes well I'm
01:33afraid you cannot be unrolled enrolled until the English teacher arrives now she
01:38should be here in a few minutes in the meanwhile perhaps you would care to
01:42wait in the classroom go down the corridor turn left at the bottom and wait in
01:46room five understand no
01:51let's start again go down the corridor down carry door good turn left turn left
01:59right confusing me left or right it's left look you just go down the corridor
02:10turn left and wait in room five room five ah now I'm understanding you room five
02:17yeah jelly good thank you I'm not going where I'm looking no I wasn't looking
02:28where I was going that made the two of us
02:31excuse me sorry
02:36enter mrs. Courtney miss oh sorry I'm your new teacher Jeremy Brown BA Oxon you're a man yes well
02:45this is most unsatisfactory this won't do at all I assure you my credentials are
02:49impeccable academically perhaps I'm talking about sex I also assure you my morals are perfectly
02:56respectable too I'm referring to the fact that you are a man I distinctly requested the local
03:02authority to send me a woman teacher especially in view of what happened with mr. Warburton mr. Warburton
03:08yes he was teaching English to foreign students last term I'm afraid he only lasted a month then he
03:14departed dead demented yes the strain was too much for him typical of the male sex no stamina
03:25always seemed to be able to cope at first and then one day he just snapped it was really quite
03:30disgusting really what did he do climbed out of the classroom window onto the roof took off all
03:35his clothes and stood there stark naked singing I've got a lovely bunch of coconut well there's no need to
03:43worry on my account I mean I'm not likely to climb out of the classroom window I know you aren't
03:48oh thank
03:48you for your confidence it has nothing to do with confidence we've had the window frames nailed down
03:56oh very thoughtful well I really would appreciate the job mrs. Courtney miss miss I am qualified and
04:01I rather do need a job what with the economic situation and inflation all right there's no
04:05need to whimper you can start immediately thank you on a month's trial thank you if you last that long
04:12I'll do my best now where will I find my students class five down the corridor and turn left right
04:17I'm looking forward to meeting them I'm sure we're all going to get along extremely well
04:42well I'm pleased to meet you all we are also pleased to be meeting you I am Brown
04:50oh no
04:55you are committing a mistake mistake yes please you are not Brown we are Brown
05:02you are white my name is Brown I am your teacher are you professor
05:09sorry yes thank you right would you all like to sit down sit down
05:32take a note of all your names nationalities and occupations
05:48what I'm sure you are not trying to find the needlework club it does not matter have a seat for
05:58favor sit down right I'll just go around the class and take your names yes yes what is your
06:20name Maximilian Andrea Archimedes Papandreou take it you're Greek he's right from Athens good and
06:34what is your job I walk with sheeps no no no no sheeps big sheeps
06:54yes sheeps donkers right I woke in office thank you and your name Anna Schmidt chairman au pair
07:10usual German efficiency Germans are always efficient not her so
07:19Japanese much more efficient oh nine guns are best Japanese make a much better television and oh
07:29cameras please let us have no racialism in this class all are equal your name Giovanni Cupello Italian
07:44where do you work I work in Ristorante dei Popoli a waiter no I'm not a waiter a cook with
07:50her
07:54see a cook with a ravioli a cook with a lasagna a cook with everything
08:02a chef okay
08:07and your name Andy what is your name Jacka me Jeremy Brown you button Giacomo Max Anna Schmidt Giovanni
08:27Derikima Bueno you oh oh Oh I'm not boot sontal ask a manic that you look you're a great stick
08:38and
08:38another skinny number not turn
08:46Yes, yes, write your name down.
08:48Good, good.
09:05It's no good.
09:06I need your name in English.
09:08No Urdu?
09:10No Urdu.
09:14Ah, certificate of registration, Jamila Ranja, housewife.
09:33Good.
09:36And your name?
09:38I am Ali Nadeem from Lahore.
09:42I'm working at the moment, not anywhere at all.
09:51You're unemployed?
09:52Yes, please.
09:54Only one day a week I'm working.
09:57What do you do then?
09:58I'm going to the unemployment exchange for to be collecting my money.
10:04Oh, blimey.
10:05I get more money for not being working than when I'm working.
10:10Yes, but before you discovered this secret of eternal wealth, what did you do?
10:15Blimey, I worked at the Taj Mahal.
10:19In Delhi?
10:20Oh, no.
10:21Patini.
10:22Tali Mahal Kandiri restaurants.
10:24Jalikut chapati and papadams.
10:28A thousand apologies for my lateness.
10:31The omnibus was going backwards.
10:34I'm sure there must be a more logical explanation.
10:37It is the absolute truth.
10:39I was told to be taking a number 27 omnibus, and I complied.
10:45But it went in a backward direction.
10:47No, I think you meant it was going the other way.
10:49That is the gist of what I'm saying.
10:52A thousand apologies.
10:53Sorry.
10:54Perhaps you'd like to sit next to Ali, your countryman.
10:56I cannot sit there.
10:57It's impossible.
10:58Why is it impossible?
11:00I'm sick.
11:01Oh, dear.
11:04No, it's not contagious.
11:06Perhaps you want to come back when you're better.
11:08I do not comprehend the gist of your conversation.
11:10You said you were sick.
11:12No, no, no, no, no.
11:13I am not referring to my physical state of mind.
11:17My religion is Sikh.
11:19And he is Muslim.
11:21Islam is the only true faith.
11:24And Muslims follow a false prophet?
11:26How dare he be speaking of God's holy messenger, you damn fool?
11:29Sikhs are unbelievers and infidels.
11:33Sikhs are peace-loving people.
11:35And if you are not careful, I will have much pleasure
11:38in dispatching you to your holy messenger with this.
11:42I will not tolerate any religious intolerance.
11:45Now, put that knife away.
11:46He called me an infidel.
11:47Well, he didn't mean it.
11:48Did you?
11:48Most definitely.
11:50But go by the five rivers of Punjab
11:54to slice your throat from there to there.
11:57Oh, ear to ear.
12:02There will be no throat slicing in my class.
12:05If you want to do that sort of thing,
12:07you should have joined the sports and pastimes.
12:09Put your knife away and be a good chap and go and sit down.
12:12How do you feel about Roman Catholics?
12:13Oh, I treat them like my brothers.
12:16Good.
12:17Well, you can go and sit next to Giovanni.
12:18A bit. Infidel.
12:20Gentlemen, please.
12:20You are here to learn English, not start a holy war.
12:24And what is your name?
12:26Ranjit Singh.
12:28And you're from which country?
12:30Punjab.
12:31And what is your job?
12:32I am a very important member of the British underground.
12:37Underground what?
12:40Just the underground.
12:42Mind it up!
12:45That underground.
12:47And your name?
12:50Harold Nagasumi.
12:57My name, Cardiff.
13:00Japanese.
13:02Representative of Bushida Electronics.
13:05Very good.
13:07Very good.
13:09And finally, your name.
13:11Por favor.
13:11Your name.
13:13What is your name?
13:14Por favor.
13:15Nome.
13:16Ah, nombre, si.
13:19Juan Fervantes, para servirle, señor.
13:22No need to ask what nationality you are.
13:24Por favor.
13:26Spanish.
13:27Por favor.
13:29What is your job?
13:30Por favor.
13:33Trabajo.
13:34Ah, trabajo, si.
13:37Trilaga.
13:38Trilaga?
13:39What, do you lag trees?
13:42Guarjintonic.
13:43Tu whisky coca.
13:45Trilaga.
13:48Trilaga?
13:48Si.
13:49Ah, you're working a bar.
13:50Si, si, bar, bar.
13:51Well, Mr. Bryan?
13:53Yes, thank you.
13:53Apart from one attempted murder and a possible race riot, I seem to be coping reasonably well.
13:58Well, what I really came to inform you about was the registration fees for the students.
14:02Ah.
14:02Now, it's five pounds per head, and I should be grateful if you would collect the money and bring it
14:06to my office in your tea break.
14:07Right.
14:08I'll do that.
14:09Well, we have one thing to be grateful for, anyway.
14:12Sex won't be railing its ugly little head.
14:14I beg your pardon?
14:15Well, in my experience, it isn't race or religion that causes the problems.
14:19It's usually the presence of some foreign beauty.
14:23Jealousies, intrigues, all that sort of thing.
14:25Yes.
14:26Well, looking at my class, I don't think we'd be too bothered with anything like that.
14:40I come to learn English.
14:42Have I come to the right place?
14:57Enter.
14:59Mrs. Courtney.
15:00Miss.
15:01Miss.
15:02I've just brought the registration fees for the students.
15:04Ah, good.
15:05Now, how many students have you?
15:06Nine.
15:06So, there should be 45 pounds in there.
15:09Well, that all depends upon the rate of exchange.
15:11I don't quite follow you.
15:14Not all of them had five pounds in English money,
15:16so I collected 29 pounds 50 in sterling,
15:18and the rest is made up of 2,000 yen, 3,000 lira,
15:22250 pesetas, 75 drachma, 50 francs and 12 deutschmarks.
15:26According to this morning's financial papers, that should give us a profit of one pound 42 and a half p.
15:31Then I suggest you take it to the bank in the morning and convert it to English currency.
15:35Right, I'll do that.
15:38Oh, by the way, how's the femme fatale?
15:40Ah, yes, Danielle.
15:41Well, at the moment she's in the tea room with Italy, Spain and Greece
15:43trying to establish diplomatic relations.
15:46Well, I hope she's not going to cause any bother.
15:48Oh, no, I'm sure she won't.
15:50Look, I'm gonna sit here.
15:51No, it's me who's gonna be sitting here.
15:54And before you, we'll sit over there.
15:56And before you, we'll sit over there.
15:58You take it on me.
16:00Who, me?
16:01You go back, sit where you were before.
16:02No, I sit here.
16:03You not sit here.
16:04Ha!
16:05Who's gonna be stopping me?
16:06Me.
16:07Ha!
16:08Ha!
16:09Yourself.
16:10You think you're tough?
16:12Come out a side.
16:13What?
16:15Okay.
16:17Where are you going?
16:18We go outside to have a punch down.
16:20You mean a punch down?
16:22I'm going to, uh, how you say, uh, knock his bloody block off.
16:26We see who's bloody blocker he's a knockered off.
16:30Oh, just a minute.
16:31What is all this about?
16:32I tell you, Mr. White.
16:33Brown.
16:34Excuse me.
16:36It's about where we sit.
16:38Well, what's wrong with where you were sitting before?
16:39No.
16:40It's my eyes, professori.
16:42I've got to sit nearer the front.
16:45Here.
16:47Oh, I see.
16:48And I suppose it's got nothing to do with the fact that Danielle is sitting here too?
16:52She is.
16:53Ha!
16:54Ha!
16:55Ha!
16:56I never noticed!
16:58Ha!
16:59You see, it's my eyes.
17:00I'm a little shorter sighted.
17:03And also a much bigger lion.
17:05It's not true, Mr. Green.
17:06The name is Brown.
17:08You see, I'm a colour blind as well.
17:14And, Max, I suppose you've got trouble with your eyes as well, have you?
17:17Oh, no, no, no.
17:17My eyes are okay.
17:19It's my ears.
17:21I'm not hearing very well.
17:22That's a likely story.
17:25What you say?
17:27I say you both go back and sit where you were sitting before.
17:30Now.
17:30Santa Maria.
17:36I hope you don't think I was, er, how you say, too forward?
17:43No, no, I'm sure you weren't in any way to blame at all.
17:48Teacher, please.
17:49Yes.
17:52Mr. Blown?
17:53Yes?
17:55Please forgive my rapeness.
17:57I apologize, but I lost my way.
17:59Not to worry.
18:00What is your name?
18:01Chung Suli.
18:03Suli.
18:04And where are you from?
18:05Democratic Republic of China.
18:08And what is your job?
18:10Exactly, Italy.
18:11Chinese diplomat.
18:13Very nice.
18:15Right, where shall we put you?
18:17Uh, Taro, how are relations between Japan and China?
18:24Depends on a politicolo view pointo.
18:30Japan.
18:32Light wingo.
18:35China.
18:37Right to wingo.
18:40I see.
18:41Are you light wingo or left wingo?
18:43Right or left wingo?
18:44I follow teaching of Chairman Mao.
18:46Well, in that case, you'd better sit next to Jamila, the Indian lady.
18:49All right?
18:50Right, now we will start by learning a few basic English verbs.
18:55And firstly, we will take the verb to be.
18:59To be.
19:00To be.
19:00To be.
19:01To be.
19:02To be.
19:02To be.
19:02To be.
19:03I am English.
19:05You are Chinese.
19:08He is Italian.
19:10She is French.
19:12He is barbarian.
19:16You are asking for a kick up your big brown backside.
19:19Now look.
19:20Pay attention, please.
19:22I am.
19:24I am.
19:25I am.
19:25You are.
19:26You are.
19:28He, she or it is.
19:30He, she or it is.
19:31He, she or it is.
19:34We are.
19:35We are.
19:37You are.
19:38You are.
19:38You are.
19:39They are.
19:40They are.
19:42They are.
19:42All right.
19:42To be.
19:43I shall now go round the class and ask you each to give me a sentence using the verb to
19:50be.
19:50To be.
19:51To be.
19:51To be.
19:52Tarot.
19:53I am.
19:54Ah, so.
19:59I am.
20:01Very.
20:02Happy.
20:03To be.
20:05Learning English.
20:08Very good.
20:10Good.
20:11Giovanni.
20:12He is.
20:14He is.
20:16He is a fool.
20:17Good.
20:18But not Isida.
20:20He is a fool.
20:22Yes.
20:22He is a fool.
20:24Yes.
20:25She is.
20:30She is.
20:33She is beautiful.
20:34She is wonderful.
20:37She is.
20:39Yes.
20:39Yes.
20:39Yes.
20:39Thank you much.
20:42Juan.
20:43It is.
20:44Por favor.
20:47It is.
20:52It is raining.
20:56It is raining.
21:26No.
21:27well that's his opinion good Danielle we are we are lucky to have such very true
21:50Ali you are you are you are waiting for me to speak an answer unfortunately I'm not
22:06understanding the question I want you to give me a sentence using you are I am I am you are
22:18for
22:18example you are from Pakistan I am from Pakistan yes but now use you are but I cannot say you
22:26are
22:26from Pakistan because you are not are you repeat after me you are English no no I am from Pakistan
22:34what am I you are confusing me sit down please right
22:59and there's really not much more we can do
23:02until you all get the textbooks I was telling you about what I would like you to do is some
23:07homework all right I want you to write me an essay a short story about your life here in England
23:13things you do the things you like and I'll see you all on Wednesday
23:24miss miss miss but I just dismissed the class for the night I think we've just about covered all
23:29there is to for the first session you look a trifle under the weather job getting you down already no
23:34no I'm fine never felt better there's just one thing though yes that window you nailed down the one
23:40mr. warburton climbed out of what about it I think we ought to put a few more nails in just
23:43be on the safe side
23:44oh
Comments