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The Greatest Love Story Never Told (2024) is a documentary film that offers an intimate behind-the-scenes look at global superstar Jennifer Lopez as she creates her ambitious visual album project This Is Me... Now. The film explores her personal journey of love, self-discovery, and healing over two decades, while also revealing rare insights into her relationship with actor Ben Affleck.
#TheGreatestLoveStoryNeverTold #JLo #JenniferLopez #BenAffleck #Documentary #PrimeVideo #LoveStory #Biography #MusicDocumentary #Hollywood #2024Movies #CelebrityDocumentary
#JenniferLopez
#BenAffleck
#ElaineGoldsmith-Thomas
#JasonBergh
#TrevorNoah
Transcript
00:00:18You
00:00:32I've been married four times now.
00:00:38I'm sure people watching from the outside were like, what is this fucking girl's problem?
00:00:45You saw kind of a compulsive behavior.
00:00:50What I portrayed to the world was, oh, this didn't work out, and it's fine, and I'm good,
00:00:56and they're good, and they were great, and I was great.
00:01:00And all of that was kind of bullshit.
00:01:07We are rolling, ladies. Everybody looking this way.
00:01:13And camera.
00:01:16Action.
00:01:21Guys, quietly, please. Quiet, please. We are rolling.
00:01:31I like for you.
00:01:33Let's go.
00:01:34Yeah, let's roll.
00:01:36I'm still
00:01:38I'm still
00:01:39I'm still
00:01:41I'm still
00:01:45Honey, cut, cut
00:01:54pop superstar jennifer lopez has new music on the way jlo celebrated the 20th anniversary of her
00:02:00hit album this is me then by announcing a new project called this is me now the soon to be
00:02:06released record will chronicle lopez's life journey across the last 20 years with new
00:02:10songs about her childhood as well as her history of unsuccessful relationships
00:02:18i have decided to tell my story or tell my truth and i've never shared with anybody in the world
00:02:27which is the truth about my personal life
00:02:3220 years ago i fell in love with the love of my life
00:02:38and during that time i was making an album called this is me then
00:02:47i hadn't made an album since then 18 years later we got back together and i was very inspired
00:02:56i was talking and benny medina my longtime manager and one of my best friends said it is time for
00:03:04you to make music again
00:03:09she started telling me you know i haven't made an album in a long time but i really finally have
00:03:13something that i want to write about and i don't know if anyone else has a story like that in
00:03:17the world
00:03:20and when you get that from a true artist like her it allows you to really be able to channel
00:03:24it like
00:03:24what do we want that to sound like
00:03:28she spoke very openly to us and it was really it was beautiful man it was that first day was
00:03:34magical
00:03:34when we got back together i'm telling my story
00:03:37this is what it's like
00:03:39on that first day i showed everybody this book this book is a book that ben gave me on our
00:03:46first
00:03:46christmas back together it is every letter and every email that we wrote to each other from 20
00:03:52years ago and today the greatest love story never told by jennifer lopez and ben affleck
00:03:582001 and 2021 and counting it became like our bible and we just left it there in the studio
00:04:04and people would thumb through it they're like can we look at it i was like look at it
00:04:08it's like when you open the book it's like a light just come from it's like
00:04:15she would pick one and she would let us touch them and read them they're real letters with like pen
00:04:20on paper and i was like girl i'm gonna fuck this up like i'm like move all the liquids away
00:04:24you know
00:04:25she showed us the box that ben had given her which included all the letters first off who does that
00:04:31like i like this guy gets boyfriend of the year as far as i'm concerned
00:04:36i came to the house one day and and there was like she had told me the musicians are coming
00:04:40this great producer roger blah blah blah and then i went down there and my book that i had given
00:04:45her
00:04:45was down there she was like i've been reading and the people's this is the kind of inspiration
00:04:49i've been showing them the book i was like you you've been showing all the musicians all those letters
00:04:58that uh and they were like yeah we call you pen affleck and i was like oh my god
00:05:03i did really find the beauty and the poetry and the irony in the fact that it's the greatest love
00:05:10story never told and if you're making a record about it that seems kind of like telling it
00:05:19once the music was done i felt it was so beautiful and special and i wanted to share it with
00:05:25the world
00:05:26in the biggest way and i don't want to just put out the single and put out the music video
00:05:31and see
00:05:31what happens no i had this idea what i've decided to do we're gonna make a film i want to
00:05:39make a movie
00:05:39this is really about bringing the album to life in a different way prince did it with purple rain
00:05:45he just wrote the story of his life but made just a movie where he played his songs this is
00:05:51me taking
00:05:52my song making my own musical and so i came up with this idea with dave myers who i worked
00:05:58with
00:05:58making music videos 20 years ago what is dave doing right now then when you put a visually genius
00:06:05director on things they really bring it to life in a way that is even more than you imagined
00:06:10it really allows you to be as creative as you want to be
00:06:16i tracked her for 20 years we worked together 20 years ago so like i paid attention to her journey
00:06:21hadn't seen her but had formulated thoughts i wonder what she's going through and then i show up to her
00:06:25house and she actually tells me what happened last 20 years and i'm like oh my god that's our story
00:06:30she shared a lot of details and we did a lot of co-writing together it's an abstract biography
00:06:36you know it's taking the emotion of what she's gone through and kind of playing with that not
00:06:40necessarily being literal to this relationship or that relationship sort of reverse engineered it
00:06:44there was already an album and then we kind of rearranged the songs to try to match the narrative
00:06:49that we're telling it's not anything that's been done before it's not quite a long form music video
00:06:55and it's not quite a movie it's somewhere in between how we pull that off will be a new thing
00:07:00a new version of what you do with an album i tried to string all the songs that she shared
00:07:05with me
00:07:06into a truth that she shared with me she connected with it and we just rolled up our sleeves
00:07:09from there and that leads into the first song which is hearts and flowers i don't know if
00:07:14you remember it it's a very kind of hard beat it's like oh and you see everybody working in the
00:07:21factories there will be all of these characters who are trying to fix something and you don't really
00:07:30know what it is but it's a mechanical heart the heart factory is the abstract version of it what
00:07:35might go on inside when everything starts to fail imagine everybody working there is a factory with
00:07:41workers feeding it rose petals it's just part of a storytelling device to set up that love needs an
00:07:47ingredient it's just starts off
00:07:49womb the soldier
00:07:51womb the soldier
00:07:53first day
00:07:55here we go
00:08:00and the whole album is kind of like the twin album to this is me then which i did 20
00:08:05years ago
00:08:06i keep their apartment the same
00:08:08oh keep it all of it
00:08:12opening her eyes in the hospital bed younger age 28 that she was in the mansion but exhausted
00:08:21yeah all her friends are but you were
00:08:27you were that's why you run out as smart as me
00:08:37i love that you're going to play younger even in the autobiograph
00:08:40this is not my autobiographical this is meta this is me using some of my story
00:08:47semi-autobiographical it's your story from younger
00:09:00but she still got her beauty her booty and her bank account so bye boy to him
00:09:06bobby this isn't about me and you
00:09:09bobby take that out
00:09:11that is not part of the script
00:09:18i was her agent in the 90s we became very close friends very quickly we hit it off right
00:09:24away i mean she was funny and powerful she reminded me of the women that i grew up with
00:09:28i just knew that i wanted to work with her i chased jennifer to sign her i knew how talented
00:09:33she was we've been together now for 20 something years
00:09:37we're like family we're like sisters right exactly like sisters
00:09:41on this project i've been asked to just sort of oversee
00:09:45if she needs me i'm there to bounce an idea
00:09:48i'm working on script with her when she wants me to
00:09:51hey you know what this was good stuff you did today
00:09:54well good yeah this was good stuff what
00:10:03don't don't panic i'm not because i know it's there you're just being dramatic
00:10:09i'm gonna go inside when you have it send it to me and send it to ben so he can
00:10:13read it
00:10:14okay so i don't necessarily no worries i found it
00:10:21i sometimes think of benny and i as these two pillars beside her
00:10:26so if she wobbles we go no but conversely if we wobble she goes oh it's a good trio
00:10:35what you trying to do take your chips you're on a diet do you want one no i don't eat
00:10:41that
00:10:41kind of food benny medina he's more than just my manager if there's one person who believed in
00:10:50me from the beginning and the first time i played him a raggedy little demo and it was just her
00:10:55voice
00:10:56live in in her room at that time and she completely blew me away and i've never lost that feeling
00:11:01for
00:11:01that song or for how she puts it down so jen's making this movie based on her album starts rehearsing
00:11:08casting has a deal basically set to go to finance it we had a deal on paper we'd started production
00:11:15then i got a call deals off hold it
00:11:22he said that they were blown away by you uh you know the dynamic in the room thought there was
00:11:28just
00:11:28too much that was being bitten off uh the quality was going to be potentially compromised
00:11:34i've never been involved with any major studio small independent production company anything
00:11:41that has given me a a a deal on paper here we will give you this for this
00:11:49a 30 million dollar deal and then taking it off the table
00:11:53every streamer said musical movies don't sell beyonce didn't sell rihanna didn't sell
00:12:00there was no appetite for a musical film based on an album no matter what the story no matter what
00:12:08the star when they run their numbers on music projects you know the numbers are not as great
00:12:13whatever i get it we just had number one at amazon and the biggest at netflix and but not one
00:12:20that had
00:12:21music then i was like oh shit who's paying for this
00:12:29i guess me
00:12:32drop the mic you're not paying for your own movie she decided in a very bullish way to finance for
00:12:40this project making a movie with your own money is the most famous cardinal sin in hollywood it was
00:12:46about investing in yourself literally
00:13:13you know dance has been a huge part of
00:13:15her life but my videos with her have been like you know okay okay all right dance jen
00:13:20you know but now we actually conceived a story together so her dance
00:13:25serves the story and you know it's just it's a beautiful process of watching it sort of all
00:13:30blossom out and become its own thing
00:13:39shall we start on our favorite subject the budget
00:13:44production casting locations the whole machinery was moving
00:13:49i'm projecting that we're going to be going into production over budget so we're all open to cuts
00:13:55budget cuts you mean scene cut lead to budget cuts no that's not an option i'm depending on all of
00:14:01you
00:14:01to do what you do so we can get this done within the budget that i gave you
00:14:04the message is save as much fucking money as we can
00:14:07yes it sounds like you guys still have work to do in that department
00:14:12there was no buyer out there to sell it we had nothing to show and we're burning cash every day
00:14:22there's one ceremony three receptions you don't have to have three different a beach a desert a best it's less
00:14:28about the location it's more about hitting the theme
00:14:38fifty five grand three hundred thousand dollars four hundred and seventy thousand dollars next week it'll be something else like
00:14:44oh shit the uh the conveyor belt turned out to you know need an extra wrench
00:14:52i'm gonna tell you right now do not bother me while we're shooting don't do it it's gonna be a
00:14:58bad idea i'm gonna have so much to concentrate on
00:15:02how muddy is the mud gonna be however we want it to be right
00:15:10let me tell you the price of mud is finna go up
00:15:14this is our last dance
00:15:17this is our last dance
00:15:22this is ourselves
00:15:24under pressure
00:15:29under pressure
00:15:33you can get out of fat
00:15:35just good
00:15:40today i'm gonna take a break from dancing i was gonna dance all day today but i danced all day
00:15:45yesterday so i'm gonna dance tomorrow
00:15:47and really kind of like look at everybody and really kind of just like are we crafting this in the
00:15:54way we need to
00:16:10i like it because it's like everybody's moving in unison and it's nice but then the moves towards the end
00:16:16if you're gonna double it
00:16:17it should just feel like it's all like as we leave the heart this is like it's working in perfect
00:16:23harmony
00:16:24boom
00:16:24right
00:16:24can you run out one more time please
00:16:26pull
00:16:27hop
00:16:30then
00:16:30then we can go into that hole
00:16:32let's go to that
00:16:34okay
00:16:35okay
00:16:36i know that is
00:16:41i'm gonna do this
00:16:43the guy from in the height
00:16:45he was gonna do the rebound number with me the glass house
00:16:50and he was like
00:16:51i'm friends with mark
00:16:54so i didn't first of all i didn't know that you and mark were like good friends i didn't know
00:16:58that well that's that's nice you know he's the father of my kids obviously
00:17:02um i'm
00:17:04never gonna do anything that's going to
00:17:07really like pinpoint him out
00:17:10but it is very meta it is about kind of the 20 year journey between that last album and this
00:17:16album and a lot of things happen and there was a lot of relationships that i was in that thing
00:17:24that you're playing in it is representative of many relationships you know not one specific relationship
00:17:31i'm not even playing me in this there's a protagonist this woman that goes on this journey
00:17:36he's like yeah i just think that people are gonna think that you know how the media is i said
00:17:41but if we only did our art thinking about what the media is gonna say
00:17:46it wouldn't be art
00:17:48right
00:17:49i've known jennifer since 1999
00:17:53and the capacity that i work with jennifer it's wardrobe supervisor wrangler
00:18:00which glasses you like bzds or these
00:18:02the ones i love
00:18:04the yellow
00:18:04she is one of my best friends
00:18:07my sister
00:18:08my warrior
00:18:09my ride or die
00:18:12it takes courage to share your truths jennifer is finally in a very solid place in her life where she's
00:18:20able to do those things
00:18:22we sent out all the offers last night to everybody and we're waiting to hear back on a few people
00:18:27um like jane fonda
00:18:29taylor swift is a no
00:18:30jace momola is not available um jennifer coolidge not available lizzo not available
00:18:35so he's doing succession 2 and the lion king and star wars android 2 so he's not necessarily
00:18:41he's not available but he loves you
00:18:43do you want vanessa hudges by the way i was thinking about that one of the friends
00:18:47she's not available
00:18:47oh never mind
00:18:49it'd be good to get bad bunny to do a little cameo as the bad kid
00:18:52oh they're wrong again
00:18:54that would be good
00:18:55question becomes if trevor's there do you want james corden too or is okay right
00:19:00ariana grande's unavailable she's in london until september
00:19:03snoop's not available unfortunately
00:19:05i don't want to force anybody to do this who doesn't go this is going to be fun
00:19:09nobody wants to say no to me benny i i get that but when an actor doesn't like a script
00:19:14that doesn't think it's good enough or is worried about it that's what they'll say
00:19:18i know that i've done it
00:19:20i mean i know val was available but i want you to call derek
00:19:23and we need him for like one or two days
00:19:26it's a wedding babe he's in a wedding
00:19:28it's not it's a wedding he's not gonna give up his wedding
00:19:32i mean
00:19:33whose wedding
00:19:34it's a wedding he's in
00:19:36he can't it's unfortunately it's where it's landing
00:19:45i want you to call him
00:19:47okay
00:19:51who's gonna be chloe kardashian
00:19:53she's making a cameo
00:19:55no
00:19:55oh
00:19:57it was supposed to be
00:19:59gotcha
00:20:01people scared yeah scared to put themselves out there i get it took me a long time
00:20:10i'm scared
00:20:12you don't look like it though for sure but
00:20:15i don't act like i'm scared but
00:20:17that's the secret to my whole fucking career
00:20:28and then there's the personal story of ben and i that has never been told
00:20:34i don't think he's very comfortable with me doing all of this
00:20:38but he loves me he knows i'm an artist and he's gonna support me in every way he can
00:20:43because he knows this is this he can't stop me from making the music i made and writing the words
00:20:48that i wrote
00:20:49he can't you know that's gonna happen and he doesn't want to stop me he wants to do that
00:20:54but that doesn't mean he's you know kind of comfortable being the muse and being the
00:21:00chen was really inspired by this experience which is how artists do their work and get inspired
00:21:04their personal life it moves you i know as a writer and director like i certainly do the same things
00:21:08but things that are private i had always felt are sacred and special because in part they're private
00:21:16so this was something of an adjustment for me
00:21:18we're totally different people now and we're the same and we have the same love
00:21:23100% like i've never fallen out of love with you i had just put it over here
00:21:28it seems like it's like liberating in a sense because
00:21:31it is he loves every part of you but it's not dependent on
00:21:34how what this album is or what radio even if anything it's like he just
00:21:39he always say wants to see you in the bun you know yeah no makeup on
00:21:45he says you're used to seeing me around the house kind of schleppy and kind of you know in sweatpants
00:21:51and my striped socks and thinking i'm not pretty and all this bullshit
00:21:55i'm not saying i'm not pretty i'm saying you're used to seeing me kind of like the little old lady
00:21:59at home
00:21:59you're gorgeous and that's what i'm used to but what i'm saying is
00:22:03and then when i get up and start dancing you're like oh right i forgot she could dance
00:22:10what he said and what he saw in me and what he made me believe about myself only comes from
00:22:17love
00:22:19because nobody else could make me see that
00:22:24about myself
00:22:26it's very moving
00:22:30because i didn't think much of myself
00:22:34and so the world didn't think much of me
00:22:38that lined up
00:22:41this is how it is
00:22:43see it
00:22:44believe it
00:22:47and i was like okay
00:22:54this is regarding james she called me and just i believe that everyone in the entire world is pulling
00:23:01for this relationship and this love and the idea of how you present that is so sacrosanct
00:23:08it's so important that it should be handled in a way that you aren't overly flaunting it
00:23:14so much so that it creates any form of criticism or resentment my biggest concern is that if you know
00:23:21with critics or people sort of come at her in any way i don't i don't expect anybody to get
00:23:27this
00:23:28okay i don't what she's afraid about is what the album is and that's not changing that's done
00:23:41and i don't i'm not
00:23:45i'm an artist and that's the album i wrote and i love it and i'll stand by it
00:23:51i wasn't sure if i wanted her to reveal all of this i wasn't sure it was necessary
00:23:57so i was afraid on this project and as i see it forming i'm excited and i'm still a little
00:24:04afraid
00:24:05right now there's a little bit of trepidation over some of the ambition of the project
00:24:10i didn't have to do this i didn't even have to make the record
00:24:13it's not like anybody was clamoring for the next jlo record you know what i mean
00:24:18and i know that there's some people around me who are like this is stupid why is she doing this
00:24:22she doesn't need to do this and they're right i don't need to do any of it
00:24:27i don't but i want to
00:24:38have you seen this conveyor belt no
00:24:41lord help us
00:24:50when we're on top of them if somebody stands on it the conveyor belt stops
00:24:56who's in charge
00:24:59i'm supposed to dance on it they're saying when i get on there it's gonna stop
00:25:03no problem
00:25:04so it won't move but we can't even rehearse with them now because there's no power until next week
00:25:09so why are we here
00:25:10hey can nathan and dave please come down as well
00:25:15hi
00:25:15um
00:25:16yes
00:25:17so what's going on this is the first right now when everybody walked in here that we're hearing that
00:25:21one they can't move when she's on top of it and also that they weren't going to work today
00:25:25what the
00:25:28i'm just reacting to this information right now
00:25:31yeah
00:25:31i want to go and fix it
00:25:32yeah
00:25:33so if i can have like five or ten minutes
00:25:34yeah yeah yeah
00:25:35okay thank you
00:25:38as we walked in they said oh well they're not going to turn on
00:25:41it's really simple they didn't get it done
00:25:42but even if you don't get it done tell us
00:25:44yeah before we all walk in you heard
00:25:46what's up
00:25:48it's not going to work today
00:25:49fantastic
00:25:50it's clogged up
00:25:50yep
00:25:52we're going to get it working so that you can rehearse before the day
00:25:55thank you sorry
00:25:56that's okay
00:26:00um
00:26:00can we show you some umbrella options for hummingbird
00:26:04gotcha
00:26:05i need to leave
00:26:07yep
00:26:08they're right here
00:26:08is this big enough
00:26:11that's okay
00:26:15no
00:26:15no
00:26:16i like the clear and i think i like the more rounded it is
00:26:19so it's more solid
00:26:20this is pulling like the whole entire belt
00:26:22the whole thing yeah
00:26:22so we have to just solve that problem
00:26:24what would be ideal
00:26:25would be like a dance studio floor
00:26:27yeah
00:26:28that has a little bit of give underneath it
00:26:30yeah
00:26:30we have 12 more seconds to just feel the mud
00:26:33please
00:26:34feel the mud
00:26:35i've been waiting to show you mud
00:26:38i know they're chasing me to the car with it
00:26:40bye guys
00:26:41bye
00:26:42yeah that could be shorter
00:26:44cute for one
00:26:45not cute and short like a french maid
00:26:48like
00:26:49like
00:26:50like a doctor
00:26:50i would go red
00:26:52i would look at it on the jumpsuits
00:26:54not on you guys
00:26:55of course
00:26:55before i really made the final decision
00:26:58i think this is a good option
00:26:59but i would like to
00:27:01see one that's more wet
00:27:04thank you
00:27:04bye bye everybody
00:27:05thank you
00:27:06thank you
00:27:07good night
00:27:07yeah i feel like um
00:27:09there's a lot to do this weekend
00:27:11i feel like we don't get those scenes right tomorrow
00:27:13tomorrow
00:27:17yeah
00:27:19um i think they should just have the capacity
00:27:21with that dryer mud to add water
00:27:24if you need
00:27:24to not stay
00:27:25bring those muds please one more time
00:27:27no i gotta go
00:27:27just one more quick one
00:27:28i just want to see which one you're referencing
00:27:30quick
00:27:34was it this one
00:27:35this one
00:27:37she said dry
00:27:40that's the wet one
00:27:41she wants this one
00:27:42she likes this
00:27:43she likes this
00:27:43she likes this flavor a little wetter
00:27:45the chunky one
00:27:45not the wet one
00:27:46the chunky one
00:27:48you know what
00:27:48keep it crumplier
00:27:49and add some water on top of it
00:27:51so you get a little splatter
00:27:52exactly
00:27:53yeah
00:27:53not a second wasted of today
00:27:55good work
00:28:09so last night ben says to me
00:28:11why are you so stressed lately
00:28:12i said i'm not just financing it
00:28:14i'm writing it
00:28:15i'm choreographing it
00:28:16i'm choreographing it
00:28:17dancing in it
00:28:17singing in it
00:28:18starring in it
00:28:19producing the record
00:28:20like i said it's all
00:28:22i
00:28:23everybody has all these financier questions and budget questions for me
00:28:26i'm
00:28:27all right i'll call you there
00:28:31i love you
00:28:31i love you
00:28:32okay bye
00:28:35you know i don't like uh coming into any room and and seeing things not working well
00:28:41they've just come off of two insanely well produced well organized films and she won't look at anything as being
00:28:48any different if anything she'll look at it as even needing to be better than those in terms of the
00:28:53execution of stuff because it's every penny of her money and all of her own time talent and story that's
00:29:00going into this thing and it's got to flow because otherwise any kind of stop start stuff i can see
00:29:05it when it takes her out and she's got to be a hundred percent in
00:29:09yep
00:29:10she's got a few tough weeks ahead of her
00:29:12i'm i don't want to say i'm worried but i think that our schedule is aggressive
00:29:20okay so going i know this is so stupid or maybe it's not but like going back to the seat
00:29:24backs
00:29:24do you know we didn't make them just because normally you don't on a music video not that this is
00:29:30a real music video
00:29:31please stop calling or even referencing music videos guys this is not a music video
00:29:37it's not going to function like a video music video it's not going to operate like a music video and
00:29:42it's fine that you don't have seat backs
00:29:46she's so determined to pull this off the people that really swing are always in a vulnerable place and it's
00:29:51terrifying
00:29:53those points in your career where you either choose to bet on yourself or you don't
00:29:57do i want to assume more of a risk or do i want to assume less of a risk and
00:30:03if you really truly believe in yourself and you really truly believe in what you're doing
00:30:08it's almost always better to bet on yourself
00:30:11i have to tell the story the way it needs to be told
00:30:14it's just something inside of me that just goes this is all i know how to do
00:30:18i just want people to believe that love exists if i can use my story to do that then as
00:30:26an artist that's what i should do
00:30:27maybe i'm setting myself up to be fucking
00:30:35and i'm criticized again i don't know but that's what my heart's telling me to do
00:31:00i don't know no no like right here yeah a little higher
00:31:08there's j-lo there she is
00:31:13j-lo was created back then with those first three albums
00:31:17this is me then jenny from the block and all that
00:31:21in a way she's kind of a larger than life character
00:31:28it was really me becoming who i always dreamt of being
00:31:38this is me now is about truth and facing the truth of who you really are and embracing that
00:31:48and the truth is i'm not the same as i was 20 years ago
00:31:53i was always very much about show business
00:31:56put your best go forward don't let them see when you're suffering don't let them see when you're hurt
00:32:02don't worry about if somebody did this or did that or if you suffer this or suffer that doesn't matter
00:32:07they don't care they want you to sing they want you to dance they want you to do the movie
00:32:10they want you to be funny in the interview like that's what my life was
00:32:16but then i realized that i wasn't being kind of authentic to myself
00:32:20it was a part of me that i was hiding
00:32:25it was a part of me that i was ashamed of
00:32:29and the things that i went through in my personal life
00:32:31because i think that they would have thought that that was weak
00:32:37or damaged or dysfunctional and i didn't ever want to seem that way i wanted to seem strong and powerful
00:32:43and able
00:32:49i wasn't struggling in my professional life like i feel like i had control of that
00:32:56and that's why i put a lot into it when i went home at night
00:33:00and when i was dealing in my own life with my own demons and my own relationships
00:33:05it was such a fucking struggle
00:33:08couldn't we both win
00:33:09when her and ben first broke up it was catastrophic to her constitution
00:33:16everything that she wanted from from what she understood love to be
00:33:19for that to not work for the pressures to break it apart it just spun her out
00:33:28ben and i we broke up three days before our wedding
00:33:32and we had like a big wedding plan like 14 ushers and bridesmaids
00:33:37and three days before we just crumbled under the pressure
00:33:42i think we all go along thinking like i'm doing okay
00:33:46i've been through these things and you kind of shake i don't know if you're like me
00:33:48you kind of shake it off and just be like put your best foot forward and just do your thing
00:33:52and fucking conquer the world right it motivates us through all these different things
00:33:56but at the end of the day i had a broken heart once
00:34:00a long time ago
00:34:02a long time ago
00:34:04all my friends they told me
00:34:06you know that i needed a break
00:34:09and i
00:34:10should spend some time alone
00:34:17i didn't
00:34:21for all those years it was really hard
00:34:23because i didn't just feel like i lost the love of my life i felt like i lost
00:34:28like the best friend that i ever had
00:34:33and i couldn't talk for so many years
00:34:37and that was the hardest part
00:34:41you know i used to think that um it was
00:34:45everybody else that was broken
00:34:53now i think maybe it was just me
00:34:57i loved you so much
00:35:00that messed me up
00:35:04gave what i could
00:35:06but it wasn't enough
00:35:09you drifted away
00:35:12you drifted away
00:35:13you left me so numb
00:35:16tears on my gown
00:35:19look what you've done
00:35:24broken like me
00:35:27broken like me
00:35:31covered in scars
00:35:34now this is me
00:35:44so when i first read the script
00:35:46it looked like the inciting incident
00:35:48that causes all this pain down the road is our breakup
00:35:52i thought wow nobody did anything wrong
00:35:55it was mutual
00:35:56i think for us to move on from that
00:35:58we have to kind of forgive it
00:36:00forgive each other
00:36:02you forgive me?
00:36:08come on mic
00:36:09where's that goddamn jennifer lopez
00:36:11she better be here i wanna kill her
00:36:14is she here?
00:36:15i woulda spliced that bitch if she weren't here
00:36:19calling me down here to do a cameo
00:36:21bitch
00:36:22wait a minute
00:36:23hey jennifer
00:36:25i'm the star
00:36:25yes you are
00:36:27i'm gonna come down and do a cameo
00:36:29i'm dave the director nice to meet you
00:36:31oh well hell you're in so much trouble
00:36:33i am
00:36:33i hope you're ready
00:36:37my agent called me
00:36:39jennifer lopez is doing a music video
00:36:42i said okay what does that have to do with me
00:36:45i don't do music videos
00:36:47i'm jennifer lewis
00:36:48got a star in the hollywood walk of fame
00:36:50why would i show up for a music video
00:36:52even if it is j-lo
00:36:54i'm j-loo
00:36:57in my own search for love
00:36:59i tried a lot of different things
00:37:00i went to card readers
00:37:03and looked to the signs
00:37:05you know like
00:37:06who's my perfect match
00:37:07and it let me down a lot of questionable roads
00:37:12so when i got this call
00:37:13yeah it was a little weird
00:37:14you know the zodiac come to life
00:37:16oh yeah
00:37:18and the zodiac is you know
00:37:20here we go
00:37:21people really think the universe
00:37:24gives a shit about them
00:37:26okay
00:37:30i'm playing gemini
00:37:31you know that split bitch
00:37:33she's still searching
00:37:35i'm not into the zodiac sign
00:37:37so i don't know what the fuck they do
00:37:39the zodiacs represent the greek chorus of your life
00:37:42your family your friends
00:37:44co-workers
00:37:45the people who are watching you and commenting
00:37:48and in my case
00:37:49the media fans
00:37:50sometimes feels like the whole world
00:37:52do you know what you're doing
00:37:53yes
00:37:53i think so for the most part
00:37:55for the most part
00:37:56yes ma'am
00:37:57you have done movies right
00:37:58yes ma'am
00:37:59i'm basically pretty famous actor
00:38:10down there is the universe
00:38:15and post does
00:38:16fucking fairy tales man
00:38:18i love happy endings
00:38:19and because he's so
00:38:20yeah
00:38:21there's like the double ensemble
00:38:22of happy endings
00:38:23right
00:38:23well what do you mean by that actually
00:38:24okay
00:38:26shit
00:38:27did she fall upon you
00:38:28no no no happy endings
00:38:29mean happy endings
00:38:30oh happy endings
00:38:31yes okay
00:38:33what's wrong with you is on the inside
00:38:35well at least she got her beauty of booty
00:38:37in that bank account
00:38:38so bye boy to him
00:38:39okay
00:38:40this is you
00:38:41the lover
00:38:42this is anna over here
00:38:44why
00:38:46why
00:38:46why
00:38:47this is elaine
00:38:49why elaine is the quiet one in my universe
00:38:52she doesn't talk
00:38:54oh
00:38:56and this
00:38:57i never leave the couch without my love detector
00:39:02it has three settings
00:39:04one nightstand
00:39:06holiday season
00:39:08no no it's not one
00:39:09one nightstand is all one
00:39:11one nightstand
00:39:13one nightstand
00:39:14fucking english
00:39:15i hate it
00:39:18one nightstand
00:39:19yeah
00:39:20yeah
00:39:20like a one fuck night
00:39:38what are you guys doing here
00:39:39it's an intervention
00:39:44my bad
00:39:45sorry my bad
00:39:46okay
00:39:46it's all right
00:39:47i got a license
00:39:48don't worry
00:39:54I should be hurt.
00:39:56Yes.
00:39:57That's why.
00:39:59Here we go.
00:40:01Hold on, Jen's.
00:40:05You know, my brother's a pleasure to meet you, man.
00:40:08My brother loves the crap out of you.
00:40:10You're his favorite Batman ever.
00:40:12And you made Armageddon, dude.
00:40:14You really did.
00:40:15I still sing the All My Bad, T-Pack.
00:40:17I'm ready to go.
00:40:19Man, pleasure to meet you guys.
00:40:21This is really, really funny, man.
00:40:22Thank you so much.
00:40:23When are you guys doing another film together?
00:40:25The last one was Jiggly, right?
00:40:26Yes, that's right.
00:40:27Exactly.
00:40:28Yeah.
00:40:29That's why we haven't done one yet.
00:40:31Okay.
00:40:31For sure.
00:40:33We're going to do one one day.
00:40:36Broken like me.
00:40:40I'm still in love with you, boy.
00:40:45I'm still in love.
00:40:49There's an additional shoot day that's come up for the guru.
00:40:52How much is that going to cost us?
00:40:54That should be discussed.
00:40:56A couple hundred.
00:40:57I think to go $200,000 for a guru is nonsensical.
00:41:01You guys can confer.
00:41:03Oh, why don't you stay?
00:41:05Don't worry about that.
00:41:05Don't even bring that up.
00:41:06This is haunting me now.
00:41:08No, I'm...
00:41:09But it's a $200,000 hit tour.
00:41:11Yes.
00:41:12You should please not today.
00:41:14Okay.
00:41:15Um...
00:41:16Yeah.
00:41:17Don't let her ears hear this right now.
00:41:18Well, it's only her friends' ears.
00:41:20He's asking you to be quiet, sweetie.
00:41:21Take the cue.
00:41:22Maybe I shouldn't be the quiet friend.
00:41:24Oh, touche.
00:41:26People have anxiety when they're working.
00:41:30Let me get a little Q-tip.
00:41:33Yeah.
00:41:33Oh, yeah.
00:41:34Maybe you want to go talk to him over there and talk about it.
00:41:36Well, I just want to resolve it.
00:41:39Okay.
00:41:40Dave?
00:41:41Yes.
00:41:41I'll...
00:41:42We don't have $200,000 extra because we're going to need $200,000 extra.
00:41:47We're going to need extra money for post.
00:41:49Yeah.
00:41:50Okay.
00:41:50I've been drilling down on budget, reminding everyone it's her money, and drilling down
00:41:56on the necessity of certain things, sometimes too hard, but, you know, I'd rather err on
00:42:01the side of her, um, saving a little money, but not sacrificing any quality.
00:42:08And, you know, and I'm standing on the sidelines in case she needs a body double.
00:42:14I just wanna...
00:42:15I just feel like, ooh, every time I see ya.
00:42:20I just, ooh, hey.
00:42:23I feel like starting something.
00:42:26You've got my engine running.
00:42:28You've got the keys to turn me on and on.
00:42:32We're in the wedding reception.
00:42:34I think the energy in the room is as if it was a real Jennifer wedding.
00:42:38I think Jennifer's in full-on bride mode right now, having a blast.
00:42:42When it feels right, nothing else but us.
00:42:46Is this real life?
00:42:48Too good to...
00:42:56You're just going through all the checklists of a great wedding.
00:42:58Just walking out with a husband.
00:43:00Cutting.
00:43:01Nice shot.
00:43:03That was it.
00:43:04Yeah, next husband.
00:43:05You know that shit.
00:43:06You know I can't get it now.
00:43:07Give me your dish.
00:43:08The first thing that came to my mind was, I'm gonna be what?
00:43:12I'm a huh?
00:43:13I'm a what husband?
00:43:14I'm a who?
00:43:15But when we start working on it and working through it, I was like, oh, I see what's going on.
00:43:19I see what's going on.
00:43:19Like, you're in on it.
00:43:21Like, you're in on it.
00:43:23Like, you're in on it.
00:43:25It's the way you love me, the way you touch me.
00:43:29It's the way you look at me.
00:43:33I can't get it now.
00:43:41Don't catch it.
00:43:43It's cursed.
00:43:46One time I was married for 11 months.
00:43:48Another time I was married for a year.
00:43:50Another time I was married for 10 years.
00:43:52Then even looking back on it now and kind of making fun of it in this surrealistic, musical way.
00:44:00It's funny and it's heartbreaking.
00:44:06What do I say?
00:44:07Uh, it's a death do-is-part.
00:44:08And it's like, oh, I just wanna, ooh, I, you know that whole little intro.
00:44:12Do you want me to do it like you just did?
00:44:14Till death do-is-part.
00:44:16Jen and I rationalized that the rain is a sign.
00:44:19She's like, oh, wow, it's a sign.
00:44:21It's gonna be a great marriage.
00:44:23This shoot's been relentless just on how fast we're moving, how fast it came together, how sensitive costs are.
00:44:31You know, being that we don't really have studio support yet.
00:44:36This was absolutely the hardest project that I've ever had to work on and put together in my career.
00:44:41This is a really different thing that we're doing and that's never been done.
00:44:45How am I gonna sell this to a platform?
00:44:47What is the platform?
00:44:48Every single one of them passed on this movie.
00:44:51One head of a studio says, okay, um, well, you know what, nobody watches these things.
00:44:58Another one will say, well, what are we gonna do?
00:45:01Pay them to promote their own album?
00:45:03The album that we're stealing from them and putting on our platform?
00:45:09Do you know what I see?
00:45:11I see my money going down the drain.
00:45:14Remember this?
00:45:14I'm paying for this.
00:45:15And this and all whatever the fuck that is up there.
00:45:18I'm paying for that, too.
00:45:20I'm paying for this.
00:45:22Your love gives me such a thrill
00:45:26But your love don't pay my bills
00:45:28That flag in the back was free, I'm sure.
00:45:31It all comes with a truck.
00:45:34Another truck.
00:45:35This is a camera truck.
00:45:36Plans of boxes.
00:45:37We have primes, ultra primes.
00:45:40Oh, this is your fantasy truck.
00:45:41This is a ZEISS compact suit.
00:45:43This is an airy suit.
00:45:44This is the older compact costume, right?
00:45:50These are really great.
00:45:51In the 70s, they're light handheld.
00:45:53I don't care.
00:45:54I know.
00:45:59Oh, hello.
00:46:02How are you?
00:46:04Welcome.
00:46:05This is where she's now by herself,
00:46:09middle of the night, watching TV,
00:46:11four o'clock in the morning,
00:46:12watching an old romantic film.
00:46:14For the fourth time in a row.
00:46:15Is it what you do?
00:46:17I used to.
00:46:19I used to, son.
00:46:20A long time ago.
00:46:23We can say,
00:46:24when you exude love like the sun exudes light,
00:46:27it will reflect and return to you.
00:46:30You shall sign like the sun.
00:46:36All right, guys.
00:46:37So quietly, please.
00:46:38We're going to get into this.
00:46:42So she looks kind of perfect.
00:46:44Yeah.
00:46:44And she shouldn't.
00:46:46Okay.
00:46:46Just the idea of that she's been neglected, right?
00:46:50She's been a little bit roughed up,
00:46:52that she's bearing the scars,
00:46:53and that looks like something dirty,
00:46:57needy scraped.
00:46:58She should feel like a little bit of a mess.
00:47:02You're going to be me when you were little,
00:47:04and then I was a tomboy.
00:47:06So I was real dirty all the time.
00:47:09You know what a tomboy is?
00:47:11Someone who loves to play with the boys.
00:47:15This right here.
00:47:17Okay.
00:47:17Okay, right?
00:47:20What's wrong?
00:47:21I just think I didn't get enough love today.
00:47:25Through mom and dad?
00:47:27From you.
00:47:28You left me all alone.
00:47:30You didn't take care of me.
00:47:32I'm sorry.
00:47:33I love you.
00:47:34No, you love everybody else who got me.
00:47:37When I was growing up,
00:47:39I was always looking for somebody to make me feel loved.
00:47:42I was a middle child,
00:47:43not the baby,
00:47:45not the firstborn.
00:47:46You just kind of get lost a little bit in between it all.
00:47:51That just left me on this train
00:47:54to show everybody that I had worth and value too.
00:47:58So then I started running track and winning medals
00:48:01and hoping that somebody would be like,
00:48:04look.
00:48:06People would come over to our house,
00:48:08oh, look at all Jennifer's trophies and medals.
00:48:10It made me feel good.
00:48:15Having my two sisters bookend me in that way
00:48:18forced me into a road
00:48:20where I learned to work really hard
00:48:22and be very disciplined,
00:48:25like an athlete.
00:48:26And so I just stuck with that.
00:48:28I just stuck with the working hard part
00:48:31because I was the best at that.
00:48:35I felt very ignored by my dad
00:48:38because he was always working nights
00:48:40and then all day he would sleep
00:48:41and I didn't feel like I had enough of a connection with him.
00:48:45My mom was narcissist, center of attention,
00:48:48you know, life of the party type person.
00:48:52I got very used to being around people like that.
00:48:55The combination of the two of those things
00:48:58set me on a course to be with those type of people.
00:49:02What I started to realize was I'm comfortable with this,
00:49:08but I don't like this.
00:49:09I want something different.
00:49:11I want something better.
00:49:17Jen felt emotionally neglected as a child.
00:49:23We're kind of learning more and more.
00:49:24It doesn't have to be like sort of the kind of trauma
00:49:27where you're locked in a basement for a year
00:49:29to leave wounds on you.
00:49:30In fact, they're deceptive
00:49:32when they're harder to pin down.
00:49:33It's a hard thing to look at somebody
00:49:35whose professional life is wildly successful
00:49:38and who on Instagram looks like
00:49:39they're living the happiest life in the world.
00:49:42The thing you discover, like you do with alcohol,
00:49:45is that there isn't enough alcohol
00:49:46in all the liquor stores in the world
00:49:48to fill up that thing.
00:49:49And in Jennifer's case,
00:49:50I don't think there's enough followers
00:49:52or movies or records
00:49:54or any of that stuff
00:49:55to still that part of you
00:49:58that still feels a longing and a pain.
00:50:01Ultimately, that's the work
00:50:03that you've got to do on your own.
00:50:18I like taking my hair out like this.
00:50:21It reminds me like when I was 16 in the Bronx
00:50:24and running up and down the block.
00:50:28That crazy little girl
00:50:30used to fucking be wild
00:50:34no limits, all dreams and shit.
00:50:40It meant a lot to me
00:50:42to have a young Latina
00:50:45come from where we come from
00:50:46and be successful.
00:50:50The whole first album,
00:50:51I was in almost every session.
00:50:54All right, now I want you to dance.
00:50:56We used to be there almost every night
00:50:57just watching and recording
00:50:58all these iconic records.
00:51:06We grew up together.
00:51:08We've been in the game 30 years,
00:51:10been through ups and downs.
00:51:23You're looking at a hopeless romantic
00:51:25and every time you root it for her,
00:51:27you always thought,
00:51:28all right, maybe this is the guy.
00:51:30I feel like there's no limit
00:51:34to what I can see.
00:51:35But people like me and Jenny,
00:51:37we don't break.
00:51:39We from the Bronx.
00:51:41We have to overcome so many obstacles.
00:51:44We temporarily break down.
00:51:47But they can't break people like us.
00:51:52How you doing, baby?
00:51:53How you doing?
00:51:54You feeling good?
00:51:55I'm feeling great.
00:51:55You look amazing.
00:51:56You know, I look like a psychiatrist,
00:51:59you know?
00:51:59Happy job.
00:51:59It's a beautiful day
00:52:01to give my sister some sane advice.
00:52:05You're from the same place.
00:52:07That's why I picked you
00:52:08to do this specific part.
00:52:09Because it's like,
00:52:10I would be talking to you
00:52:11and you would understand me
00:52:12and I would understand you.
00:52:13You know what I mean?
00:52:14Definitely not a...
00:52:15He comes into the story
00:52:16at the right time
00:52:17to speak some truth to her.
00:52:18You know,
00:52:19to shake her out of her nonsense.
00:52:21What am I doing wrong?
00:52:25Why is love so damn hard?
00:52:28You know,
00:52:28some people use
00:52:29these impassioned relationships
00:52:31to avoid facing
00:52:33a much greater hurt.
00:52:35You think I'm covering something up
00:52:37or I'm using love
00:52:38as some kind of pain medicine.
00:52:40Have you ever considered
00:52:41being alone for a minute?
00:52:46I used to be terrified
00:52:47to be alone.
00:52:48I didn't know
00:52:49what I was going to do by myself.
00:52:51Who was going to take care of me?
00:52:52Who was going to protect me?
00:52:54This one therapist said to me,
00:52:56can you be alone?
00:52:57And I was like,
00:52:58I can do it.
00:53:00I can be alone.
00:53:02I can be alone.
00:53:03I'll be alone until Christmas, okay?
00:53:05Erasing everybody from your phone
00:53:07who could possibly be somebody
00:53:09who even think likes you.
00:53:11Block everybody,
00:53:12do everything,
00:53:13and just be alone.
00:53:15Jane?
00:53:17Hello?
00:53:18Jane?
00:53:19Is this Jennifer?
00:53:21It is.
00:53:21Hi.
00:53:22Hi, sweetheart.
00:53:23Oh, thanks for calling.
00:53:25First of all,
00:53:26I want you to know that,
00:53:28I don't entirely know why,
00:53:30but I feel invested
00:53:32in you and Ben.
00:53:33I really, really,
00:53:34really want this to work.
00:53:35However,
00:53:36this is my concern.
00:53:37Like, it feels too much
00:53:39like you're trying
00:53:40to prove something
00:53:41instead of just living it.
00:53:43You know,
00:53:43every other photograph
00:53:44is the two of you kissing,
00:53:46the two of you hugging.
00:53:48That's us living our life.
00:53:50Yeah.
00:53:51Jane and I have
00:53:52a kind of love relationship
00:53:54over many years
00:53:55since she did Monster in Law.
00:53:57You know,
00:53:58it was her first movie back
00:53:59after leaving the business
00:54:00for many, many years,
00:54:02and we just,
00:54:03we really bonded.
00:54:07I didn't know
00:54:08what to expect,
00:54:09what it was going to be like
00:54:10working with her.
00:54:11Oh, what I do to you.
00:54:14When my son proposes
00:54:16to her right next to me
00:54:17and I'm saying,
00:54:19oh, how wonderful,
00:54:19but what I really want to do
00:54:20is what I do in my fantasy
00:54:22is I want to take
00:54:23the back of her head
00:54:23and shove her face
00:54:25into the cage.
00:54:26Please.
00:54:27Over, over again.
00:54:28You're going to...
00:54:28Hold on, hold on.
00:54:29I'm laughing, I'm laughing.
00:54:30I can't laugh.
00:54:31I really looked up to her,
00:54:33obviously,
00:54:33as an amazing actress,
00:54:35but also for what
00:54:36she stood for in her life.
00:54:37There was so much about her
00:54:39and all her activism
00:54:40and also that she kind of
00:54:41got beat up in the press.
00:54:42And we kind of are similar
00:54:45when it comes to love.
00:54:47We became friends
00:54:48on Monster In Law,
00:54:50a film where I had
00:54:51to hate Jennifer.
00:54:52It was the hardest acting job
00:54:54I ever had.
00:54:55It seemed the more
00:54:56we tortured each other
00:54:57on screen,
00:54:58the closer we became
00:54:59as friends,
00:54:59and I'm really grateful
00:55:00for her friendship,
00:55:02her generosity,
00:55:03which is huge,
00:55:04for showing the world
00:55:05the beauty of booty
00:55:09and making it easier
00:55:11for a whole lot of girls
00:55:12to love theirs,
00:55:13including me.
00:55:14Jennifer,
00:55:15thanks for having me.
00:55:16We actually started
00:55:17shooting the Zodiacs,
00:55:18which is what I wanted
00:55:19you to do,
00:55:20to be kind of like
00:55:21the sage,
00:55:22kind of like
00:55:23fairy godmother
00:55:24of the Zodiacs.
00:55:25Listen, Jade,
00:55:26any day you can do it,
00:55:27any day you can spare
00:55:28two hours,
00:55:29one for hair and makeup
00:55:30and one to come
00:55:31and do the lines.
00:55:33It will take that long.
00:55:40She's very protective of me
00:55:41and she felt like
00:55:42you're putting yourself
00:55:43out there to get beat up again.
00:55:46When Shen and I broke up,
00:55:49before the catalyst for that
00:55:51was this massive amount
00:55:53of scrutiny around
00:55:54our private life.
00:55:58We bought a Bentley
00:55:59and drove around town
00:56:00with it.
00:56:01You know,
00:56:02it's like,
00:56:02yeah,
00:56:02take pictures of us.
00:56:03It wasn't that.
00:56:04We were just like
00:56:06celebrating our lives
00:56:07and our love.
00:56:08I had a very firm
00:56:09sense of boundaries
00:56:10initially around
00:56:11the press.
00:56:12While Jen,
00:56:13I don't think,
00:56:14objected to it
00:56:15in the way I did,
00:56:16I very much did
00:56:16object to it.
00:56:17Getting back together,
00:56:18I said,
00:56:19listen,
00:56:20one of the things
00:56:21I don't want
00:56:21is a relationship
00:56:22on social media.
00:56:23Then I sort of realized
00:56:25it's not a fair thing
00:56:26to ask.
00:56:27It's sort of like,
00:56:28you know,
00:56:29you're going to marry
00:56:30a boat captain
00:56:32and you go,
00:56:33why don't I like the water?
00:56:34You know?
00:56:34We're just two people
00:56:36with kind of
00:56:36different approaches
00:56:37trying to learn
00:56:38to compromise.
00:56:45So this is six,
00:56:46seven, eight.
00:56:47Someone has to lie.
00:56:49We know this is wrong.
00:56:51Someone come on.
00:56:53Someone on my phone.
00:56:55Everybody always told you
00:56:56when a relationship
00:56:56is built on a rebound,
00:56:58when somebody rebounds
00:56:58out of something,
00:56:59they're not ready
00:57:00for another relationship.
00:57:01And no matter
00:57:02how hard they try
00:57:03or how long
00:57:03they try to stick together,
00:57:04they're living
00:57:05in a glass house.
00:57:06It's going to shatter.
00:57:08Push, got me on that.
00:57:09We were back.
00:57:11Rebound, rebound.
00:57:13It's always so easy
00:57:14to judge other people
00:57:15and say,
00:57:16oh, you were in
00:57:17that relationship
00:57:17and you're so fucking stupid.
00:57:20You know?
00:57:20Don't you see?
00:57:21All your friends
00:57:21always like,
00:57:22come on.
00:57:22And you're like,
00:57:23it's not that simple.
00:57:24You know what I mean?
00:57:26There's something good
00:57:27about this person.
00:57:27I'm trying to help
00:57:28this person.
00:57:29And sometimes
00:57:30it's the broken parts
00:57:31in us
00:57:31that keep us there.
00:57:32we want to show.
00:57:57is it like this kind
00:57:58of being shredded
00:57:59and in tatters.
00:58:19Glamorous.
00:58:20Glamorous life.
00:58:25You know how much
00:58:25I love you.
00:58:27You're my baby.
00:58:29I'm always going
00:58:30to take care of you.
00:58:32I'll never leave you.
00:58:35No matter what.
00:58:38There were people
00:58:39in my life
00:58:40who said I loved you
00:58:42and then didn't
00:58:43do things that were
00:58:45kind of in line
00:58:46with the word love.
00:58:49Perfect?
00:58:51What?
00:58:52Perfect?
00:58:52Stop.
00:58:53That's true.
00:58:54Stop.
00:58:56I dare you.
00:59:13I always thought like,
00:59:15oh, it was this
00:59:15other person
00:59:16that was doing
00:59:17all these things
00:59:18that were bad
00:59:18and wrong.
00:59:19But why am I
00:59:20attracting them?
00:59:20Why am I doing that?
00:59:21Why am I on
00:59:22that vibrational level?
00:59:24The signs say
00:59:25we're a match.
00:59:27It's because
00:59:28I haven't
00:59:29got my
00:59:30self together.
00:59:32Not looking outward
00:59:34like what is wrong
00:59:35out here
00:59:36but what is wrong
00:59:37in here?
00:59:38It's almost like
00:59:39digging into the tar
00:59:41inside of you
00:59:42and kind of
00:59:43pulling it out
00:59:44deep down
00:59:44and going
00:59:45this didn't feel good
00:59:46and that didn't feel good
00:59:48and wow,
00:59:49I didn't realize
00:59:49that made me feel
00:59:50that way
00:59:51and actually
00:59:52I'm not really
00:59:53taking care of myself
00:59:55in a good way.
00:59:57What do you love
00:59:58about yourself?
01:00:06You have to hit
01:00:07rock bottom
01:00:09where you're in
01:00:10situations
01:00:11that are so
01:00:12uncomfortable
01:00:13and so painful
01:00:14that you finally go,
01:00:16I don't want this
01:00:16anymore.
01:00:19a therapist
01:00:20said to me
01:00:21what if this was
01:00:22your daughter
01:00:22what would you do?
01:00:25And it was so clear
01:00:28I was like
01:00:29until I get the fuck
01:00:30out of here
01:00:30never look back
01:00:33but for me
01:00:34it was so clouded
01:00:35and complicated
01:00:35with so much
01:00:37of my
01:00:39past
01:00:39and my own
01:00:40pain and hurt
01:00:41and dysfunction
01:00:42that I couldn't
01:00:43see clearly
01:00:44it was like
01:00:45looking through fog.
01:00:47In most
01:00:48turbulent relationships
01:00:49one of the common
01:00:50things that you hear
01:00:51about is like
01:00:52it's hard to leave
01:00:53even when you know
01:00:54like I don't want
01:00:54to be here
01:00:55you stretch apart
01:00:56you're still pulled back
01:00:57and so it's sort
01:00:58of a metaphoric
01:00:59explanation for
01:01:00that tug and pull
01:01:02that you have
01:01:02when a relationship
01:01:03is not quite working.
01:01:07I'm glad
01:01:08that one's behind us.
01:01:12The shit that
01:01:13happens in real life
01:01:14the truth
01:01:15to me that's
01:01:16the most interesting
01:01:16part and it's also
01:01:17the most difficult
01:01:18part to say
01:01:19some of these
01:01:19things we don't
01:01:20even admit to
01:01:20ourselves let alone
01:01:21admit to the
01:01:22entire world.
01:01:24Being thrown
01:01:25around and
01:01:26manhandled
01:01:27like that
01:01:27it's not fun.
01:01:28I mean I was
01:01:29never in a
01:01:29relationship where
01:01:30I got
01:01:31beat up
01:01:32thank god
01:01:33but
01:01:33I've definitely
01:01:35been manhandled
01:01:36and
01:01:37it
01:01:39all of
01:01:40other
01:01:40unsavory
01:01:42things
01:01:46disrespectful
01:01:53more than
01:01:54anything
01:01:54it's really
01:01:55a vulnerable
01:01:56place for me
01:01:57to be in
01:01:57every day
01:01:58that's why
01:01:58I go to
01:01:59work every day
01:01:59and I'm like
01:02:00what am I
01:02:00doing
01:02:01it's a personal
01:02:03journey
01:02:04a personal
01:02:05journey
01:02:06that will
01:02:07relate to
01:02:08so many
01:02:08women
01:02:09who are abused
01:02:10who take
01:02:10abuse
01:02:11you're talking
01:02:12about how
01:02:12we accept
01:02:13less than
01:02:14we deserve
01:02:18I have good
01:02:19intentions with
01:02:20this
01:02:20I just don't
01:02:21want it to
01:02:21suck
01:02:22that it's
01:02:23going to
01:02:23suck
01:02:25you'll be
01:02:25scared of
01:02:26sucking
01:02:26until
01:02:26it doesn't
01:02:28because it
01:02:29is sucking
01:02:29until it
01:02:30doesn't
01:02:30well right
01:02:31now it's not
01:02:31finished
01:02:32you know what
01:02:32I mean
01:02:32it does
01:02:33the problem
01:02:33because it
01:02:33is fucking
01:02:34sucking
01:02:34no you got to
01:02:35discern between
01:02:35things that
01:02:36suck
01:02:36DNA wise
01:02:37and things that
01:02:38just don't
01:02:38work right
01:02:39well DNA I
01:02:39don't think
01:02:40it sucks
01:02:40but that's
01:02:41all you need
01:02:41but I think
01:02:42right now
01:02:42it just sucks
01:02:43no it doesn't
01:02:45suck
01:02:45that's wrong
01:02:46that's wrong
01:02:47that's just
01:02:48inexperience
01:02:48that you haven't
01:02:49done this
01:02:50process before
01:02:50I'm sorry
01:02:51that I'm not
01:02:52your winning
01:02:53director
01:02:53I'm sorry
01:02:54if I was
01:02:55doing a musical
01:02:56concert
01:02:57if I was
01:02:58doing a rock
01:02:59show
01:02:59I would say
01:03:00to you
01:03:01tell me how
01:03:01this goes
01:03:02are you usually
01:03:02afraid of
01:03:03before your first
01:03:03before
01:03:14night
01:03:16and
01:03:16at
01:03:17work
01:03:17we pay a
01:03:18money
01:03:19I don't even
01:03:19come around
01:03:19faithfully
01:03:21work
01:03:22at
01:03:22work
01:03:23we all
01:03:23got
01:03:24super
01:03:25pat
01:03:25work
01:03:26up
01:03:26before
01:03:27you
01:03:27see
01:03:27unlike
01:03:27say
01:03:28other
01:03:28in
01:03:28the
01:03:28dream
01:03:29sit
01:03:29turn
01:03:30around
01:03:30everything
01:03:30you know
01:03:31is the way
01:03:31to see
01:03:34want to try
01:03:35it again
01:03:35with music
01:03:36you got it
01:03:37here we go
01:03:40yep
01:03:41let's go
01:03:445
01:03:456
01:03:467
01:03:468
01:03:474
01:03:47hearts
01:03:48and flowers
01:03:49it ain't
01:03:50all hearts
01:03:51and flowers
01:03:52so many
01:03:53nights
01:03:53and hours
01:03:54every day
01:03:56of my life
01:03:56in the grind
01:03:57faithfully
01:03:59superpowers
01:04:00we all
01:04:00got
01:04:02superpowers
01:04:02before
01:04:03you see
01:04:03my life
01:04:04and say
01:04:04I lived
01:04:05the dream
01:04:05remember
01:04:06everything
01:04:06ain't always
01:04:07what it
01:04:07seemed
01:04:12stop
01:04:131
01:04:155
01:04:156
01:04:167
01:04:168
01:04:17cross
01:04:18go
01:04:38here we go
01:04:39yeah
01:04:40go
01:04:40go
01:04:41go
01:04:41go
01:04:41go
01:04:41go
01:04:42go
01:04:42go
01:04:42go
01:04:43go
01:04:43go
01:04:43go
01:04:43go
01:04:49I'll kill you.
01:05:16This is me now, and I took my time, and I took my time, and I took my time.
01:05:34In the rehearsal, you joked that you only had a couple of these in you, but is there an amount
01:05:40of passes that you want to do?
01:05:42I'm going to mount in my head.
01:05:43Roll cameras.
01:05:5020 marks, please.
01:05:52All right, crane set.
01:05:53Playback.
01:05:58I forget how much older I am than everybody now.
01:06:02Because everybody else is 22.
01:06:05Just trying to keep up with them.
01:06:09Three, two, one, go!
01:06:18Dave?
01:06:20Yo.
01:06:20What are we doing?
01:06:22More.
01:06:23Yeah, yeah, yes.
01:06:24Yeah.
01:06:36Are we ready?
01:06:39Last one!
01:06:41Last one!
01:06:42What the fuck?
01:06:46Ain't cut.
01:06:52She's still pushing the rock uphill.
01:06:55No.
01:06:56And I want to say, like, you did it.
01:06:58You did it.
01:07:00It's okay.
01:07:01You've did it.
01:07:02You've proved it.
01:07:03You're great.
01:07:04You know, you can, like, let it go for a minute.
01:07:06Like, you don't have to carry this.
01:07:10Uh...
01:07:10You don't have anything to prove.
01:07:24My heart rate and my wind is...
01:07:27Not the same.
01:07:30I haven't taken a deep breath all day.
01:07:37I'm not gonna do anything this weekend.
01:07:41Nothing.
01:07:41You're good.
01:07:45I'm not gonna rehearse today.
01:07:48I'm tired.
01:07:50Those two night shoots were fucking hard.
01:07:54My husband's away at his...
01:08:00Premiere, and I'm really sad.
01:08:06And I wasn't there with him this weekend.
01:08:10He got great reviews.
01:08:12He's been working on this movie and this...
01:08:19This company for a year and a half, and I just feel bad.
01:08:24And you just wonder, like, is it worth it?
01:08:27I don't know.
01:08:33I don't know.
01:08:35I think I just need a break.
01:08:36I think I'm just tired.
01:08:39It's a lot.
01:08:43I feel like you're just letting everybody down all the time.
01:08:48And you're never really just doing anything right.
01:08:59I just...
01:09:00I'm sure everybody feels that way.
01:09:02You just always feel like you're just not good enough.
01:09:06You're not good enough in the steps.
01:09:08You're not good enough in the movie.
01:09:10You're not good enough as a partner, as a mother, as all of the things.
01:09:19And all you want to do is be the best at all those things.
01:09:23And it's just hard.
01:09:28You know?
01:09:38This is as close as I'll ever get to this exercise.
01:09:41Put your feet in the back.
01:09:44Wait, hold on to the front.
01:09:45Hold on.
01:09:46I don't even know where the front is.
01:09:48My foot back there?
01:09:49Look, let me show you.
01:09:51Let me show you.
01:09:52Let's fly.
01:09:53You put your feet down, then you lay your arms out, and you fly like that.
01:09:58You see?
01:09:59Okay, let's see if I can do that.
01:10:00Yeah.
01:10:01I don't know if this is the smartest thing for me.
01:10:07I was so happy eating yogurt for five minutes.
01:10:10So wait.
01:10:12I put my foot in flat.
01:10:14Yes.
01:10:14Now put your ankle in there.
01:10:15You got it for my foot, stupid.
01:10:17Can you push it?
01:10:17There's nothing I can do about that.
01:10:19Lean more forward.
01:10:22Fly like you're flying.
01:10:23Make space for your leg.
01:10:25Your leg has to straighten out.
01:10:27Open your arm.
01:10:29Yes.
01:10:29There you go.
01:10:30You did it.
01:10:31You did it.
01:10:32Now let your arms out.
01:10:35Out where?
01:10:36Let it fly.
01:10:37Let it fly.
01:10:38Let it fly.
01:10:40Let it fly.
01:10:40Put it on your chest and go up.
01:10:43It's going to help you to go up and down.
01:10:45Okay.
01:10:45Wow.
01:10:46This was so fun.
01:10:51When it's just me all by myself, what do I like?
01:10:54Once the kids were in bed and once all of that was happening and, you know, I was by myself,
01:11:00I started looking forward to coming home to being alone.
01:11:03I liked it.
01:11:05I enjoyed my own company.
01:11:11All of our adult pain, all of our adult trauma, all of our, the things that we do that we
01:11:16don't like that we fucking do are because of that little girl or little boy inside of us that's screaming.
01:11:22That little Jenny is always with me.
01:11:25And I had to learn how to go back and, you know, say, are you okay?
01:11:34You know, when we're born, I just feel like we come out so open and ready to love and ready
01:11:41to kind of like believe in all the best things about life and our parents and people.
01:11:47And then little by little we lose that.
01:11:52I think my biggest fear is that I'll fail at being a parent.
01:12:02And I don't want to.
01:12:11I hear we're entering the heart chamber.
01:12:13She's stuck in this heart trying to keep it alive.
01:12:16She's basically left for dead.
01:12:19The last ditch effort is to feed the dying flame, a rose petal.
01:12:24Stand by.
01:12:24Picture's going to be up.
01:12:25Quiet, please.
01:12:26Let's do it.
01:12:27Here we go.
01:12:40We return and the rose petals have come back.
01:12:43The flame is roaring to light.
01:12:44The factory is back working again because she found love.
01:12:47Plains are going to come up on this one.
01:12:49We're going to be hot.
01:13:03Well, I don't understand it.
01:13:05I understand.
01:13:06Nobody does.
01:13:09Real love doesn't need to talk.
01:13:11It just speaks for itself.
01:13:13That wasn't love.
01:13:14That was safe.
01:13:16That's a good line.
01:13:19I wish...
01:13:19Yeah.
01:13:21How many times have I done that?
01:13:23Do you see where I'm going with this?
01:13:24Okay, good.
01:13:25Now she's gone through three marriages that have fallen apart.
01:13:29All the husbands on the mantle.
01:13:31Yeah.
01:13:34And that's it.
01:13:35Oh, no, no, no.
01:13:36The very last one is just kind of the celebration when everything goes perfect.
01:13:40You know, the happy ending.
01:13:42She loves herself.
01:13:43The last chapter.
01:13:44Jane.
01:13:48Every night I go and play and I wrote this song today.
01:13:51I wrote this song today for you.
01:13:53I wrote this song today for you.
01:13:55I wrote this song today for you.
01:13:55I get real scared.
01:13:57You know, though, with all that shit about the Grammys and he looked unhappy.
01:14:00It's like, oh my God, what's happening?
01:14:02Nothing.
01:14:03Nothing.
01:14:04He was like, it's like I've become the symbol of the beleaguered man.
01:14:08That's right.
01:14:08We're ready to go.
01:14:09Yes, let's go.
01:14:10Let's go.
01:14:10And then as you get back interested in what she's doing next, who's that guy?
01:14:15Perfect.
01:14:16Yep.
01:14:17Why can't she just live her life?
01:14:19She is living her life.
01:14:21Why can't everyone just let her live her life?
01:14:23You know, she's a queen.
01:14:25She's amazing.
01:14:25And I love her.
01:14:26At Pisces, Pisces, you're awful thirsty for a fish.
01:14:30I don't know what it means.
01:14:32I love it.
01:14:33It's so good.
01:14:34It's great.
01:14:35Thirsty is, I don't know what it means.
01:14:36Thirsty is like somebody who's like, you know, when they put like pictures of themselves
01:14:41naked on Instagram and they're always like posing, they're thirsty.
01:14:44Like you.
01:14:49Leah, they're calling her a man-eater.
01:14:51Does they call you a man-eater?
01:14:53I've been called many things.
01:14:56Join the club.
01:14:59It's a small relight for me to make that look.
01:15:01So we're going to do a separate light cue for this?
01:15:05It's exciting and scary.
01:15:07You're right.
01:15:08I'm putting myself out there.
01:15:09You're right.
01:15:11But I don't, like I said, I don't know how else to do it.
01:15:14When people look at your life and everything and look at you, it's hard to like, how could
01:15:19you possibly have anything?
01:15:20That's why I think it's important to say.
01:15:23Yeah.
01:15:23Not complain about, but to, that there's struggle there.
01:15:27Yeah.
01:15:27Yeah.
01:15:30I made some stupid mistakes too.
01:15:32Maybe you already know that, but I'm admitting it to you.
01:15:36Yeah.
01:15:37You know what I mean?
01:15:39All right, here we go.
01:15:40Rolling, rolling.
01:15:41Quiet, please.
01:15:42Everybody ready.
01:15:43Roll camera.
01:15:44Don't make me cry.
01:15:45This better be it, ma'am.
01:15:46I'm rooting for you.
01:15:49What's success for you with this?
01:15:53Just doing it.
01:15:54Just doing it is success.
01:15:58I heard Prince say, the thing about making music is that it is a success upon making it.
01:16:04And I've never understood that more than I do now.
01:16:07And I know it could end disastrously.
01:16:10I know that.
01:16:11Why do it?
01:16:13I think it's beautiful.
01:16:17I think it's worthy.
01:16:19I think it's worth the risk.
01:16:21If it turns out great, then that's, then I fulfill my mission.
01:16:27I let people know.
01:16:29Like, don't give up.
01:16:31Do it.
01:16:33Don't be afraid.
01:16:35Fuck it.
01:16:35Do it afraid.
01:16:37Do it afraid.
01:16:43They're going to Vegas.
01:16:45You're getting married.
01:16:46You know they're going to be divorced in a year.
01:16:49We're drowning in orchid arrangements.
01:16:52Dresses and pastries.
01:16:53What if it's raining?
01:16:54Yeah.
01:16:55Is this what we've been dreaming of?
01:16:57Huh?
01:16:58It's crowded.
01:17:00With families and agents.
01:17:02Room reservations.
01:17:03Which destination?
01:17:04Pabst helicopter's event of the ages.
01:17:07Caught in the matrix.
01:17:08Ben Affleck was not on my bingo card.
01:17:11I don't think it was anyone's bingo card to come back and...
01:17:14What?
01:17:15We can disappear tonight.
01:17:18What about a midnight trip to Vegas?
01:17:22Just me and you, baby.
01:17:24That heartbreak sent both of us on a course to figuring ourselves out,
01:17:30to being better people.
01:17:31Do you think you've forgiven me all the way?
01:17:35Yeah, I think I've forgiven you all the way.
01:17:39I think I need to forgive myself some things.
01:17:43I just wanted to say thank you guys.
01:17:45This was a really, really special project.
01:17:47I know half the time you guys are like,
01:17:49what the fuck are you guys doing?
01:17:51But there is a method to our madness
01:17:53and there's a really beautiful story to be told about love
01:17:56and loving yourself and what that means for the world.
01:17:58Everyone who worked on this film and everyone who created the album,
01:18:03they really empowered me because they believed in what I had to say,
01:18:08that there's magic out there.
01:18:12Those five weeks that we rehearsed with the dancers and created this,
01:18:15with all the choreographers,
01:18:17it was such a cathartic experience for me.
01:18:20I know it wasn't easy and I know I pushed you and I know I expected the moon
01:18:24when we had, you know, budget for like a pack of gum.
01:18:29But you delivered above and beyond.
01:18:32And I want to thank Dave because he put his whole heart and soul into this.
01:18:39So thank you so much again.
01:18:46I know we're over budget.
01:18:48Congratulations.
01:18:50So what happened?
01:18:52Did you sell it?
01:18:55Hey.
01:18:56Hey.
01:18:56It was all the people.
01:18:58The head of marketing, the head of, you know, docs, the head of,
01:19:02the whole, all the heads.
01:19:04And they were sitting there and the minute it was over,
01:19:07she was like, oh my God, Jennifer.
01:19:09It could not have gone better.
01:19:11It was crazy.
01:19:13And at the end of the day, someone bought it.
01:19:17We put all this together.
01:19:19We did it.
01:19:20We don't know we about it.
01:19:21I don't fucking we about anything.
01:19:27Let's go!
01:19:28It's the first time she's done something as an artistic form of expression
01:19:31that was purely for the sake of what she had to express.
01:19:35It was about bringing out things that she felt inside that she just wanted to say.
01:19:40And I don't really love being in the making up documentary about my personal life,
01:19:44which is why I'm so relieved that it's not really seems like I might be in this,
01:19:49but it's not.
01:19:50I'm not really.
01:19:52I was worrying for no reason.
01:19:55The movie wasn't about me.
01:19:57It was about the ability to love yourself.
01:20:02And that love story is a lot fucking harder to find than Prince Charming.
01:20:16You don't fuck around with time.
01:20:20You live and learn.
01:20:21Let me say this to you.
01:20:22The prize for aging is wisdom.
01:20:31Wisdom feels good.
01:20:36It's precious.
01:20:39Love something.
01:20:41Love somebody.
01:20:42But more than that,
01:20:45you better find a way to at least like yourself.
01:20:53When you take your last breath,
01:20:57you won't think about
01:21:00who did something wrong to you.
01:21:02You will think about
01:21:05who loved you.
01:21:13Love is not something that you do.
01:21:15It's something that you can become.
01:21:19It's lifelong.
01:21:20It goes on.
01:21:24Whether you like it or you don't like it,
01:21:26you'll end up loving something,
01:21:28if not somebody.
01:21:30Our atoms were forged in the cores of stars.
01:21:33Those stars exploded,
01:21:35scattering that enrichment across the galaxy,
01:21:37out of which the next generations of stars and planets are born.
01:21:42We are stardust.
01:21:44It is literally true.
01:21:49Not only are you alive in the universe,
01:21:53the universe is alive within you.
01:22:00You know, art is beauty,
01:22:02but it's pain.
01:22:04You know, sometimes it's the pain that's beautiful.
01:22:07It's sad.
01:22:11I feel like I came out the other side.
01:22:16I've made it through.
01:22:17I've made something good of my life,
01:22:19and I'm proud of that.
01:22:22But one of the parts of that was admitting to myself,
01:22:25you're not perfect.
01:22:28You're not completely whole.
01:22:32And you know what?
01:22:33Something that's worn and older and broken,
01:22:37like a nice leather jacket or an old pair of boots,
01:22:40is really beautiful.
01:22:42And kind of embracing the beauty of the scars that we pick up along the way.
01:22:53Ooh.
01:22:57Ooh.
01:22:59Ooh, ooh.
01:23:01Yeah.
01:23:05Ain't it strange how I call out your name?
01:23:09I'm at silence again.
01:23:11Can't remember when I left HI Крас
01:23:14without getting cussed
01:23:19Cause I still love you, please come back to me
01:23:24I still love you, it's everything I need
01:23:27I still love you, you make my life complete
01:23:31I still love you, I still love you
01:23:37Please come back to me
01:23:39I still love you, it's everything I need
01:23:42I still love you, you make my life complete
01:23:46I still love you
01:23:50I need to breathe, I need you to succeed
01:23:53I'm at silence again
01:23:55Cause this love will fit
01:23:57I can't hurt the same
01:23:59I'm immune to pain
01:24:01If you break these chains
01:24:03Help me live again
01:24:04If I known it was you
01:24:07I would've said it was you
01:24:08But you gave up too soon
01:24:11You made it seem true
01:24:12I will risk my heart
01:24:14If you risk yours again
01:24:16Boy, I'm letting go
01:24:18I'm giving in
01:24:20Girl, I still love you
01:24:21Please come back to me
01:24:24I still love you
01:24:25Hates everything I need
01:24:27I still love you
01:24:30But I can't please
01:24:31I still love you
01:24:35I still love you
01:24:36Please come back to me
01:24:39I still love you
01:24:41Hates everything I need
01:24:42I still love you
01:24:44You make my life
01:24:46Please come back to me
01:24:46I still love you
01:24:49I still love you
01:24:52No one ever wants to say goodbye
01:24:55We should've gave ourselves another try
01:24:59Should've only been one thing
01:25:02Us against the wind
01:25:07Now I only have myself to blame
01:25:10And I promise you
01:25:12And I promise that this thing won't rain
01:25:14Wish my feelings never changed
01:25:16But I'm letting you
01:25:18I'm giving in
01:25:20I still love you
01:25:21I still love you
01:25:25Hates everything I need
01:25:27I still love you
01:25:29You make my life
01:25:31I still love you
01:25:35I still love you
01:25:36Please come back to me
01:25:38I still love you
01:25:40Hates everything I need
01:25:42I still love you
01:25:44You make my life to me
01:25:46I still love you
01:25:48No one ever wants to say goodbye
01:25:53I still love you
01:25:55I still love you
01:26:06Please come back to me
01:26:09I still love you
01:26:10Hates everything I need
01:26:12I still love you
01:26:14You make my life to free
01:26:16You make my life complete
01:26:19Hey, hey!
01:26:22Hey!
01:26:26Hey!
01:26:30Hey!
01:26:31Hey!
01:26:33Hey!
01:26:33Hey!
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