- 10 hours ago
American Dad - Season 22 - Episode 08: Dude, You're Getting a Del
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00:03After all these years, we finally did it.
00:06The perfect sleepover.
00:08Keep your head still.
00:09R-rated movie?
00:10Check.
00:11Video games?
00:12Check.
00:13That loose pill we found on the floor of the bus station that we think might be Percocet?
00:18Check.
00:18How are we liking this?
00:22Ugh.
00:23I have so many moles on my scalp.
00:26Sounds like bedtime.
00:28I'll go brush my teeth.
00:29Whoa, whoa.
00:30We didn't have a sleepover just to spend time apart.
00:33Let's brush together.
00:37Oh, no.
00:38You hear that?
00:39It's glycerine.
00:41That means Klaus has a lady friend in his alcove.
00:44So?
00:45So we have to walk through his alcove to get to the bathroom.
00:49Maybe we should just skip brushing.
00:50It's not.
00:51We ate three pounds of Sour Patch Kids.
00:54Go to bed with that crap stuck to your teeth, you'll wake up with a ticket.
00:57Ticket?
00:58To Cavity Town.
01:00Wow.
01:01That was a long walk.
01:02Not as long as this one.
01:04Come on.
01:04Stay close and keep your eyes shut.
01:12Oh my god.
01:13What?
01:14Mom?
01:15Shmoly!
01:16I never thought in a million years you'd see this.
01:19Why would you think that?
01:20You drove me here.
01:22You dropped me off.
01:24You know this guy or something?
01:25Honey, let me explain.
01:27Where did your shirt go?
01:28I was waiting for the right moment to tell you.
01:31Klaus and I are dating.
01:33Dating?
01:34With benefits.
01:35The benefits are sex with your mom.
01:40Good morning USA.
01:43Good morning USA.
01:44I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day.
01:47The sun in the sky has a smile on his face.
01:50And he's shining a salute to the American race.
01:56Oh boy, it's swell to say.
02:00Good morning USA.
02:05Good morning USA.
02:06Good morning USA.
02:10It's Saturday morning.
02:12What do the Smiths have cooking this weekend?
02:14Steve-O, any big plans?
02:16Uh, Snot and I might watch the Kids' Choice Awards.
02:18Boring.
02:19I can tell you what happens.
02:20Jack Black gets slimed.
02:21Francine, you're up.
02:22No way.
02:23I'm not saying nothing till we hear your plans.
02:26My plans?
02:27Yeah Stan, your big weekend plans.
02:30What are they?
02:31I, uh, I have an important CIA mission.
02:34Oh yeah?
02:34What's the mission?
02:35You wanna know my mission?
02:37You're cooked.
02:38You have nothing going on this weekend and she knows it.
02:40Time to face the music.
02:42Excuse me, Jeff and I have plans.
02:44Oh, thank God.
02:45I'm fulfilling a lifelong dream and opening a Japanese style cat cafe.
02:49A what?
02:50It's a cafe but with cats.
02:53You secured a loan, permits, found real estate and built out a full cafe?
02:57That must have taken months.
02:59Years.
03:00Boy, I'm starving.
03:05I probably burned 10,000 calories last night.
03:08That woman is insatiable.
03:11Could you please shut up?
03:12Hey, who's this guy coming into my house and telling me to shut up?
03:15It's Snot.
03:16You've met him like 600 times.
03:18My bad, Snot.
03:19I think I must have a concussion from banging my head against your mom's thighs.
03:26Welcome to Whiskers and Cream.
03:29What's with the cats?
03:30I'll let our head of consumer education handle this one.
03:33It's a cafe but with cats.
03:35I see.
03:37I'll take an espresso.
03:42Actually, just cancel my order.
03:44Jeff, did I overestimate the demand for a Japanese style cat cafe?
03:48Business will pick up, babe.
03:50Look, someone's coming now.
04:08What do you want, Roger?
04:10Not Roger.
04:11Marmalade.
04:14Here's my application.
04:15Sorry, we're fully staffed.
04:17You call this a staff?
04:19Snowflake?
04:20Zucchini?
04:21Cleo isn't even spayed.
04:22Slut.
04:23I'm a slut, too.
04:24But for customers, I'm a customer slut.
04:27Watch this.
04:31You want me to order something?
04:33Meow.
04:34Hey, waiter!
04:35A large chai tea?
04:36Meow.
04:38And the scone?
04:41Found this.
04:42Thought you'd like it.
04:44You took a big risk opening a cat cafe.
04:46As a cat, I swear I'll work harder than anyone.
04:49Please, give me a chance to prove it to you.
04:54We open at 8.
04:55I'll be here at 7.30.
04:57Hayley, I've had a hiccup.
04:58My car ran out of juice.
04:59It's a first-generation EV, and the range is only 8 miles.
05:02I need the day to get this all sorted out.
05:04But while I have you, how do I add 16 dependents to the health plan?
05:08My wife just had another litter.
05:10Oh, my God!
05:12That was incredible!
05:15Look at me, sitting between two boobs like a king.
05:19If only my boys could see me now.
05:21Oh, you have boys?
05:23How did I not know that?
05:24No idea.
05:25I talk about them constantly.
05:27How old are they?
05:28Geez, I don't know.
05:29My Myrtle Beach crew looks 40, but that's just sun damage.
05:32I thought you meant children.
05:33Me have kids?
05:35That's hilarious.
05:36Hard pass.
05:37Well, me and Shmooly are a package deal.
05:40Satisfying my every sexual need isn't enough.
05:43I need someone who can connect with my kid.
05:45And you don't think I can?
05:46I have my doubts.
05:47What?
05:48I mean, I love Shroomer.
05:51Shmooly!
05:52The name's irrelevant!
05:53You want a father-fingerful snot?
05:55Well, guess what?
05:56You're looking at him, baby.
05:58Let's go, Shmooly.
05:59Your mom says we have to bond.
06:01Wait, you're going?
06:02Steve, I've always wanted a dad.
06:05He might not be my first choice, but my mom likes him.
06:08I'm willing to try.
06:09Shmoove that butt, Shmooly!
06:11Now, the first thing to remember, always shave with the scales.
06:18What I meant to say was always shave against the scales.
06:24Hello, Don Draper.
06:30I thought we were going to the botanical gardens.
06:33I said plants.
06:35Sit next to Big Ed.
06:36He'll teach you the difference between indica and sativa.
06:38No, I won't.
06:39He's joking.
06:40Sit down next to him.
06:45I have an acupuncture appointment.
06:47Be back in a couple hours.
06:49Behave.
06:51Wanna see a pregnant armadillo?
06:55My favorite garbage truck!
06:58The Sidewinder XTR has a 900 cubic foot trash compartment.
07:02It can take load after load.
07:05Oh, you know who that reminds me of.
07:07I'm going home.
07:08Wait, wait, wait.
07:09You didn't hear what I was going to say.
07:11It reminds me of your mom.
07:15Man, parenting is hard.
07:17You said it, little buddy.
07:20Oh, you can talk?
07:22Thanks to these toxic dump fumes, I can do anything you want.
07:27Anything?
07:30Yeah!
07:38I can't connect with Snot.
07:40He's unconnectable.
07:41Not with me.
07:42That's different.
07:43You're his friend.
07:44I need to be his dad, and he hates me.
07:46Well, what have you two done together?
07:48Let's see.
07:48We took Juergen and his girlfriend to plan parenthood.
07:52Snot actually got punched by a pro-lifer.
07:54What else?
07:55We picked up my dry cleaning.
07:57You're bad at this.
07:58Well, what do you expect?
07:59I never knew my own dad.
08:00Okay, chill out.
08:02I have an idea.
08:03Remember Del?
08:04The guy who used to date Snot's mom?
08:06Goldfish have bad memories.
08:07They moved into Del's townhouse in Chesterbrook.
08:11In honor of the great Snot moving in,
08:15I took the liberty of stocking the fridge with...
08:19Specialty sodas?
08:21Snot was the happiest I've ever seen him.
08:24Until Del caught Mrs. Lonstein cheating.
08:27Oh no!
08:28With who?
08:29With you!
08:30On an air hockey table!
08:31Right.
08:36Wait.
08:37Why are we remembering this?
08:39Because Snot adored Del.
08:41If you want to connect with Snot, be like him.
08:43Do wholesome stuff together.
08:46Model rockets.
08:47Kayaking.
08:47Baseball cards.
08:49You're still thinking about the air hockey table?
08:51No.
08:55Thanks for taking me here.
08:56I used to come all the time.
08:58Tell you what.
08:59Pick out any card in the shop and I'll buy it for you.
09:01No way!
09:03Within reason.
09:04Keep it under ten bucks.
09:05Wanna see my collection?
09:06I'm going for all the great Jewish athletes.
09:10I've already got Sandy Koufax so now I just need the other one.
09:13Hey Dadders!
09:14Who do you think Snot considers the other great Jewish athlete?
09:18Whisper your answer into the side of your television set and if you're right,
09:22Roger will say your name on air at the end of the episode.
09:27Do my eyes deceive me?
09:29The great Snot in the flesh?
09:32Del?
09:34It's so good to see you.
09:36I was hoping we'd cross paths one day.
09:38Hey Del.
09:39Not sure you remember me.
09:40I'm-
09:40I know who you are.
09:42Wow, Snot.
09:43You look so grown up.
09:44We should catch up properly.
09:46Can I treat you two to ice cream?
09:48I recall Snot's a Rocky Road man.
09:51We have ice cream at home.
09:52Is it Rocky Road?
09:53Not sure.
09:54It's so old it's mostly ice crystals at this point.
09:56I think I'd rather go with Del, if that's okay.
10:01I-I guess, but-
10:02To my chariot, Snot!
10:03Tis a mighty Sebring convertible.
10:05Built by Lord Chrysler himself.
10:10What type of store is this?
10:12I'm late for work and need an extension cord that can reach I-95.
10:17Cloth?
10:18Hey, Esther.
10:19Is Snot home?
10:20I thought we could hit the arcade.
10:22That's so sweet!
10:23But Snot just left the Six Flags with Del.
10:26Del?
10:27Snot always liked Del, and I see no harm in it.
10:30Don't be insecure.
10:31Insecure of what?
10:33Del?
10:33The guy who puts cheese in his guacamole?
10:36He's from Wisconsin.
10:37That doesn't make it right.
10:39Why are you taking his side?
10:41Okay, you're acting crazy.
10:43Call me when you calm down.
10:44Calm down?
10:46I'll show you calm.
10:52Let's see how perfect Del is.
10:56Ice cream again?
10:58The man can handle lactose.
11:00I'll give him that.
11:02Are you spying on girls?
11:03You're not supposed to do that.
11:05Leave me alone.
11:05I'm spying on Del.
11:06Who's Del?
11:08You a squirrel or something?
11:10Raccoon.
11:12You have any kids?
11:13I'm sixteen.
11:15Good for you.
11:17Kids are hard, man.
11:19Trust me.
11:20I tried being a dad once.
11:21A couple days ago.
11:23Hey, do you guys sell tequila?
11:26Apply firm downward pressure.
11:28Push through the cut at an even pace.
11:31Whoa!
11:32I'm doing it!
11:33What?
11:33You call this a garage?
11:35What are you doing here, Klaus?
11:37What are you doing here, snot?
11:39Del is teaching me how to use a circular saw.
11:42Circular saw?
11:44I got your circular saw right here.
11:46Can I get you a water?
11:48No, but you can get me another bottle of this.
11:52Gotta make that catch.
11:53Uh, I feel uncomfortable.
11:56Shh, shh, Papa Klaus is here.
11:58Lift me up and I'll teach you how to saw.
12:02Oh, look at Del.
12:03It's my job to teach you stuff, not his, mine.
12:06You should wear safety glasses.
12:08Maybe that's how they do it in Wisconsin.
12:10But around here, we raise men.
12:14Watch and learn, snot.
12:21Do you know why this happened?
12:24You didn't wear safety glasses.
12:26It happened because Del buys cheap splintery wood.
12:30I found the tweezers, but I suggest you go to urgent care.
12:34Urgent care for an eyeball splinter.
12:37Okay, Bill Gates.
12:39Would you at least like a mirror?
12:40It's in my eye.
12:42I can see it.
12:47You're pushing it deeper.
12:49You're not the first, Lonstein, to say that to me.
12:52You get back here.
12:55Well, I don't see the splinter anymore.
13:02How do you have to pee again?
13:03You had like one lick of water.
13:07Hayley, hi.
13:07It was a real struggle getting the kittens out the door today.
13:10Daddy's on a work call.
13:11What the hell is going on with you?
13:13I might be a little late to work today.
13:15I still have to drop the kittens off at school.
13:17Cats don't go to school.
13:18Mind you, they hunt for mice on the lacrosse field.
13:21Ah, you won't believe this.
13:22You're not coming in.
13:24No.
13:24Well, yes, but I also forgot to pack the kittens lunch.
13:27Can you just eat the school mice today?
13:29School mice are not gross.
13:31Hayley, see what I'm dealing with?
13:50Breakfast is served.
13:53Why are you in my refrigerator?
13:54Because I'm abducting you.
13:56Don't bother running.
13:57This is a Dr. Slippy's homing dart.
14:00But I didn't do anything wrong.
14:02Exactly.
14:03You never do anything wrong.
14:05You're the perfect father figure in every way.
14:07And Snot will always choose you over me.
14:10And eventually, so will his mom.
14:12That's what you were worried about?
14:14Me and Esther getting back together?
14:16I moved on, Klaus.
14:18I don't believe you.
14:19Now, before you say goodnight, I have just one question.
14:23This sliding egg tray, did it come with the refrigerator?
14:27Or was it an aftermarket purchase?
14:29Aftermarket.
14:31Wrong answer.
14:40Where are we going?
14:42Lanston Canyon, I'm going to tie a brick to the gas pedal and send you right over the edge.
14:47Then I'll probably take a guided donkey tour to the bottom.
14:50The perfect crime.
14:53We're gonna die!
14:55Stay calm.
14:56Just turn into the skid and gently apply the bricks.
15:02See here? There's a nail in the sidewall.
15:04If it was on the tread, I'd show you how to patch it, but you need a whole new tire.
15:08It's getting dark, though. I suggest we set up camp.
15:11Camp? Like camping?
15:13Where are your emergency supplies?
15:16A box of Hustler magazines and a ukulele.
15:19There should be some edible condoms in there, too.
15:27It's work. Unbelievable.
15:29Do you realize how inappropriate this is, calling me at home during family movie night?
15:33Are you coming into work tomorrow?
15:35No, don't pause it.
15:36By the way, when am I getting my paycheck?
15:38Direct deposit is a nightmare.
15:40You haven't earned any money!
15:41Nothing I do will ever be good enough for you!
15:44You're a tyrant and karma will get you!
15:46I just wanna know if you're coming in or not.
15:49I need to lay all my cards on the table.
15:51I wanna be a partner. I think I've earned it.
15:53I also want the cafe to be renamed Big Marmalade's Caffeine Throwdown.
15:57You never even clocked in!
15:59I forgot where it is! I was only there once and I was drunk!
16:02You're fired.
16:03Can you even fire a partner? Or is that something we should let the courts decide?
16:09These are all I could carry.
16:11Those are perfect, buddy!
16:13Let's arrange them over the paper, like this.
16:15After the twigs catch fire, we'll add sticks and eventually logs.
16:22It must be your skin. I'm sinking in. It must be for real. Cause now I can feel.
16:31You can play Glycerine on that?
16:34Sure. Wanna learn?
16:37Let me see your fin. This is a C chord.
16:42Whoa! I'm doing it!
16:46That's the Andromeda galaxy. The farthest thing visible by the naked eye.
16:51It's so far, the light we see took over two million years to reach us.
16:57I see the Big Dipper.
16:59You've said that.
17:00I just realized something. This is actually my first camping trip.
17:04What? Your father never took you?
17:07No. He choked to death when I was young.
17:10He tried on a turtleneck that was way too tight at the gap.
17:13Or, as we called it, Duskabhab Schaffenstein.
17:20It's okay to cry. Let it out.
17:33Oh, Del. Sweet Del. I was wrong all along. I don't want you to be dead. I want you to
17:41be... Dad.
17:49Well, this is your stop. Sorry about the whole abduction thing.
17:53Water under the bridge. You take care of yourself now, Slugger.
17:57Hey, Dad. I mean, Del. Do you think we could catch a ball game tomorrow? The laser rats are in
18:03town.
18:03Sorry, I have plans with snot.
18:08Snot.
18:12And is it true, Marmalade, your car only gets eight miles range on a full charge, and as a result,
18:19you suffer from severe range anxiety?
18:22Meow.
18:24Now, we don't drive many electric vehicles down where I'm from, so pardon my ignorance, but eight miles sure sounds
18:33low. That must be hard on you.
18:36Me. Ow.
18:39This is ridiculous.
18:41That's it, young lady. I hold you in contempt. Bailiff, remove her from the courtroom. I hereby award ownership of
18:48the cafe to Marmalade the Cat.
18:51Don't do this! The Cat Cafe was my dream! He never even showed up! He's not even a cat!
19:01Morning, Esther. Snot and I have a tea time for miniature golf.
19:05Really? That's strange. Klaus and Snot left a little while ago. They're going to Landston Canyon.
19:10Landston Canyon...
19:12Del, what's wrong? The hair's on your goatee! They're standing straight up!
19:17It's my paternal instinct! Snot is in trouble!
19:24Your mom is a great woman, Snot. But I don't need a great woman. I need a dad! Look at
19:31me! Sending an innocent kid off a cliff! I need a dad way more than you!
19:38Sayonara, Snotta!
19:42Don't do it, Klaus!
19:43You can't stop me, Dad!
19:45Dad!
19:46Let him go!
19:47And what? Go back to being Snot's father figure? No way! I stink at it!
19:52Yeah, that ship has sailed!
19:54Okay, well that doesn't change the fact that I never had a father! I choose Del as my dad, and
19:59Snot's the only thing standing in my way!
20:01I have an idea. You let Snot go, and I'll take both of you out to Denny's!
20:07Both of us? Hmm. So, Snot and I would essentially be... brothers.
20:13I have a better idea. Let my son go, or I'll gut you like a fish!
20:17Your call, Sport! Death by angry mom? Or pancakes?
20:26Sport chooses pancakes!
20:28I hope there are no hard feelings, Snot. I know I was a terrible dad, but... I'll be a great
20:34brother.
20:35What do you say?
20:37I say, enjoy your trip.
20:39My trip? Where am I going?
20:41Ha! You got me, bro!
20:57Dadders! The winner of our great Jewish athlete contest is...
21:03Kevin Hart. Wait, Kevin Hart?
21:06That's right. Comedian Kevin Hart correctly guessed Julian Edelman.
21:12This cat cafe was a great idea.
21:18When Hayley gets out of jail, we gotta bring her.
21:20Oh, wow. Looks like Esther and Del are back together.
21:23Yeah, isn't it great? Snot finally has a normal family.
21:29I miss banging mom.
21:32Bye, have a great time.
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